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Monday, October 12, 2015

My Thirsty Soul - Ponderize - Week 2

As I searched through my scriptures yesterday, trying to decide which one to "ponderize" for this week, my attention gravitated to Psalms.  So many of the songs David wrote were simply prayers put to music.  Maybe that's why I love Psalms so much?  After all, God considers the song of the righteous heart to be a prayer unto Him.  (see D&C 25:12)

After church yesterday, I thirsted for a quiet moment to have some deep meaningful prayer.
 My heart felt heavy.  I couldn't quite pin-point the specific reason why... I just knew that it ached.  It really bothered me to feel weighed down like that because I know I have SO much to rejoice in. I felt like Nephi when he cried out, "O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow." - 2 Nephi 4:26 

It wasn't long before my sweet husband returned from his after-church meetings and offered to help with whatever he could.  I felt bad that the offer wasn't the other way around because I knew he was weary.  Thoughtfully, he still insisted on giving me space to be alone and to pray.  I hugged him and thanked him for his kind understanding.  In the solitude of my bedroom, I knelt down and attempted to pour out my soul to God but I couldn't find any words... only heartache... "This is lame!" I thought to myself, "This is so lame... What is wrong with me and why do I feel like this?" As I struggled for the right words to articulate what pained my heart, part of the verse from last week began to play over in my mind, "For we know not what to pray for as we ought but the Spirit itself maketh intercesion for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."  I felt very grateful for this truth because in that moment, even I couldn't interpret my own "groanings."

It brought me comfort to know that even though I couldn't find the words to describe my anguish, the Spirit made that connection to heaven for me.  My mind continued to drift as I sought for utterance.  I thought about Elder Oaks talk from this last conference, "We see that because of His Atonement, the Savior has the power to succor [run to] —to help—every mortal pain and affliction. Sometimes His power heals an infirmity, but the scriptures and our experiences teach that sometimes He succors or helps by giving us the strength or patience to endure our infirmities." 

Later that evening after the kids had gone to bed, I opened my scriptures with the principle of prayer impressed deeply on my mind.  This must be why I gravitated to Psalms.   Choosing the verse for this week was a toss-up between Psalms 61:1-4 and this next part but I decided to go with the second because it has a little more of a hopeful tone:

"O God thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; To see Thy power and Thy glory so as I have seen Thee in the sancturary.  Because Thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.  Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in Thy name:  My soul shall be satisfied... and my mouth shall praise Thee with joyful lips... Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.  My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me." - Psalms 63:1 -5, 7,8

This morning I had to drop my van off at the mechanic's shop.  On my walk over to pick it up this afternoon, I plugged my headphones into my Spotify Klove Playlist.  I hit the shuffle button and "My Everything" by, Owl City began.  As I listened to the words I thought of how perfectly this song fit with the one in Psalms I had chosen for this week's verse.  I felt a spring in my step and my heart sang along.

I know I'm  never alone because I always have my Everything!  God is good.  Hallelujah!
-Alicia


by, Owl City

When my hope is lost
And my strength is gone
I run to You and You alone
When I can't get up and I can't go on
I run to You and You alone

'Cause you're my Light in the dark
And I sing with all of my heart

Hallelujah
My almighty God divine
Hallelujah
I am yours and You are mine
This is all I know how to say
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
You're my Everything

When I'm plagued with pain
And filled with fear
I run to You and You alone
When my days are few
And death is near
I run to You and You alone

'Cause you're my Light in the dark
And I sing with all of my heart

Hallelujah
My Almighty God divine
Hallelujah
I am yours and You are mine
This is all I know how to say
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
You're my Everything

When trouble comes and goes
And when the cold wind blows
I lift my hands up, I lift my hands up
When sorrow knocks me down
And You pick me off the ground
I lift my hands up, I lift my hands up
And I sing

Hallelujah
By the grace of God above
Hallelujah
I'll shine a light 'cause I am loved
This is all I know I will say
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
This is all I know how to say
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
You're my Everything

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