Nobody Should Be More Important

My parents never seemed like they were in love. I never saw them hold hands, never hold each other in their arms, or kiss a long kiss. They had separate bank accounts, separate bathrooms, and separate bedrooms. I asked about their separate beds once. My mom said my dad snored too much and my dad said my mom moved too much. But both of their parents had separate bedrooms too so maybe they just didn't think it was all that strange for them.

My parents seemed to more-or-less tolerate each other through the years. My dad was often very critical of my mom, even though she is the reason we were able to keep food on our table or pay the mortgage. My dad struggled with depression and along with that he struggled to hold down a job or his temper.

Fast forward a few months now after my mom's passing and it's interesting and very sad to see how lost my dad seems. I see him at least once a week either here visiting at my house or me at his. I often find him in a daze or a blank stare like he's been hit by a train. My mom's death came out of nowhere. It took everyone in our family by surprise. I think the saddest part is how much regret I think is eating at him. He wishes he would have appreciated her more, treated her better, spoke softer, and on and on. He hasn't told me that straight out but I can see it in his eyes. My heart aches for him. Regret is a terrible shadow with a relentless grip, gnawing away all the hope in one's heart.

I know it's more than regret eating at him though. I know he sincerely misses her too. She was his companion for forty-five years. She stood by his side through thick and thin. After all their children were grown and gone, they enjoyed several vacations, plays, musical performances, and temple work together. Things may have been rough through much of their marriage but to their credit... they stuck it out, they stayed together, and in the end they grew closer than before. I am proud of that!!

I can't help but think of my own marriage  and wonder how it will be for Joseph or me when we lose each other. I consider our relationship FAR more healthy than my parents. We hold hands or hold each other all the time in front of our children, we will kiss as long as we can (until the kids start telling us to stop). ;) We're always looking for a romantic get-away and love to reminisce all the crazy romantic places we've been. We're more than lovers though, we're best friends - we love just being around each other, talking, hanging out, going for a walk, just being together. We're proud of our little family and life we've made together. We work out the problems that come into our lives pretty quickly - from the tiniest to the biggest struggles - the Lord has blessed us all along the way and made us stronger through every harship.

Witnessing the huge gaping hole my mom's passing has left in my dad's heart (even though in life, they never seemed to have the best marriage) has caused me to wonder how much harder it will be for Joseph or myself when one of us dies because we have a really good marriage.  So, we hang on to each other every chance we get. We resolve issues quickly and nurture our relationship. We pray together, play together, make time for each other. We both believe that there is no one in this life who should be more important or who should take greater priority than one's own spouse.

Every morning before we wake up and every night before we fall asleep, we make sure to take at least five minutes just holding each other close, just hanging on to each other and showing each other how much we appreciate our companionship. I take time to visit Joseph at work during the week. And about once or twice a month, we'll email each other a flirty little message. These small gestures of reinforcement have done wonders for our relationship. When the time comes for one of us to leave this life, we don't want to have any regrets. We only want to have a sense of fulfillment, of accomplishment, that we created and forged an eternal and everlasting bond of friendship, loyalty, and love that reaches beyond the grave and into eternity.

-Alicia