Yeah, It Feels Like This

It's been a while since I've posted a favorite song - This is my current one. 

It works well with my thoughts lately as I've been contemplating the dichotomies of life;  

the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the joy and the pain. 

Threaded through it all are lessons and love, the fabric that holds us together.

-Alicia

Texas Trip

It was sort-of a spontaneous trip we threw haphazardly together as soon as we discovered we had earned enough points on our credit card for our travel rebate to cover the all hotel expenses and a van rental. The day after Christmas we packed up the family to drive about 1,200 miles to visit my brother in Texas - the second longest trip we've ever driven as a family.

 We drove with all five of our kids for a little over nine hours, spent the night in Albuquerque and then drove the additional nine something hours to Fort Worth. I think all our children do amazing when we travel especially given the fact they don't have movies or anything to watch, just stuff to listen to, books to read, and travel board games to play. They sleep most of the time and any fighting or complaining is rare on our trips. Joseph and I count ourselves very blessed!

Our foster daughter went through a little of a struggle though because she's never traveled before and we are still a fairly new family to her.  For all she knew, this trip could have meant we were moving far away and not coming back. It's also possible she thought that she'd never be able to see her grandma again. She had a few inconsolable moments but overall she did incredibly well traveling given her unique circumstances.

Even though our time in Texas was short, I was so glad to be with my brother, Kenneth's, family. He and his wife, Kaylee, have two little kids - Lily and Thayer. This was my first time ever meeting Thayer. He's one-and-a-half now - It was almost surreal looking at this boy, a spitting image of his dad at that age! Lily is the older child. She's six with an adorable little Texas accent. The kids loved it when she'd ask, "Ya'll comin' back to my house?"  I also loved that Lily has absolutely NO interest in dolls or princesses. Instead, she loves monster truck rally's, toy cars, and super heroes. My kind of girl!

We all had a really great time even if 2/3rds of the week-long trip was spent driving. It was wonderful to spend time with family! Our kids are growing fast and we won't be able to have opportunities like these much longer. I want to soak up as much as we can.

Christmas Eve the kids act out the nativity story with the
 pieces we bought in Bethlehem back in 2007.

Christmas Morning - the kids getting cozy by the fire.

Christmas morning our bonus child helped make our traditional breakfast.

The first hotel we stayed at was somewhat of a dive...
but the kids were just happy to have a break from driving nine-and-a-half hours.

We finally made it to Fort Worth after another nine-and-a-half hour drive.
Time to VEG!

Eating lunch at The Rodeo Goat. The picture painted on the wall made me laugh because
my brother, Kenneth, has a fetish with fainting goats.

Spending the afternoon at the Children's Museum with my sister-in-law, Kaylee
and my niece and nephew, Lily and Thayer.

This face! Identical to my brother at this age - I couldn't believe it! Thayer is such a cutie!

Joseph on a bed of nails. Oooh Aaaah!

Water Gardens in downtown Fort Worth. It was freeeeezing outside.
My sister-in-law stayed home for this venue because it was too cold for her.

"The Mountain" @ Water Gardens - Fort Worth 

Downtown Fortworth 

Back Row: Chandler, Kenneth, Kaylee, Thayer
Middle Row: Joseph, Me, Miriam, Micah
Front Row: Millie, Lily, Kaylee

Albuquerque hotel we stayed at on our way back home. We're all heading down to the pool.

More driving! But OH what a glorious sunset!!

Called and Chosen for Our Day

Last Friday, we watched the funeral services for our beloved Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. The part that stood out to me the most was where his daughter, Ann, shared the time she was with him in his office and he noticed a photo of himself in an open copy of an Ensign magazine: President Monson pointed to the face on the page and said, "I know that guy. He tried his best."

"He tried his best." That story really struck me because I can only imagine how often he felt completely and totally inadequate for his calling in the Church. How difficult it must have been! I don't know who in their right mind would ever wish for a high-profile calling, especially one that bears the kind of weight and responsibility of a Prophet, Seer, and Revelator!! (No thanks. I'd be 100% happy serving as a nursery worker for the rest of my life.) But, I love how President Monson said that he tried his best. He certainly did! It should give all of us hope wherever we serve. Just do your best - Trust that the Lord can work with that. I'm so proud of President Monson's example and legacy he left! His life was full of service to others; caring for the poor and elderly, the weak and the sick.

This morning, we get to hear from our new Prophet, President Russel M. Nelson. I look forward to his words! I already know with all my heart that he is the one for the work right now. He carries himself with great strength and boldness. I'm excited to see the way he fulfills this calling. I love him and I pray for him as I did for Monson. What a heavy burden to carry! However demanding and daunting the road ahead, these valiant men of God accept this work with such courage and conviction! They step out with faith and not fear. They sacrifice their all. I am so humbled by the lives of the Prophets of God - They are truly called by Him. This is the work of the Savior. I know this!

This Past Week

This past week was kind of a crazy and unexpected one. 

Another foster mom had contacted me through Facebook asking if I could provide respite care for her. She needed me to watch her 8-yr-old foster son just for a couple of days so she could have a little break. I told her I'd be more than happy to help her out.

The morning arrived for her to drop him off. She came in our house alone to talk with us first before she brought her foster son inside to meet us. Her voice was shaky and she seemed terribly distressed. "Sorry, I'm earlier than I said I'd be here," she said wringing her hands nervously. "We had an incident this morning that was really hard for all of us." 

We assured her that she was just fine. She paused and then proceeded to explain her distress.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to choke back the tears. This was her first placement and she had only had him for three months. At my invitation, she took a deep breath and then seemed to pour out every frustration and fear that had built up inside her over the last few months.

"I can't do this anymore!" She cried. "I just can't do this."

I hugged her and told her not to beat herself up over it, "It's okay. Foster care is very difficult. Please don't think you've failed. It's okay if you can't do it anymore." She seemed grateful for my empathy and relieved that I didn't judge her. I knew the burden she carried. 

The phone rang about an hour or two after she left. The foster boy's social worker was on the line, "Hi Alicia, we understand that you have so-and-so's foster son staying with you. She (his foster mom) just called us to let us know she is quitting foster care." 

"Wow, that was quick! I guess I'm not surprised though. She was pretty worn down when she dropped him off with us. I could tell she wouldn't last long. I felt pretty bad for her." 

The social worker sighed, "This whole situation is very sad. We didn't realize it was this rough for her. I know you were only planning on doing respite care with this boy but now we need you to keep him longer until we can find a permanent family closer to his location." I told them we'd be happy to care for him as they worked things out.

Both of his parents  passed away  a year ago from drug overdoses. He's a sweet little kid with a TON of energy! He became attached to me and seemed to want my attention every second. (Which was a bit of an adjustment especially for my little foster daughter. She is usually the one who soaks up all my time.) All of our 4 bio kids of course handle these huge changes in amazing ways and I am constantly grateful for their strength of character. What a blessing! 

I got a phone call from the social worker a couple days ago that they already found a wonderful couple for him who hope to adopt. They are just a little older than me and Joseph. They have never been able to have children but they have two dogs and love the outdoors. He is very active and will love having the outdoor activities and the dogs!  I met his new family over the phone a couple days ago and took him to his new home last night. I feel really good about them!  

The great news is that they only live about thirteen blocks away from us so, just a short little drive and he could come and visit anytime.  I ordered him a birthday present from Amazon yesterday and plan to take it to him on his birthday next week. He's very glad he can keep in touch.  

Showing off the pipe-cleaner jewelry my foster son made me.