The Gift of Charity

The three-part series of books Elder David A. Bednar has written, all come with an interactive CD with segments corresponding to each chapter.  Being out of school for a semester, I'm able to dive back into this study and it's been so great!  This morning as I was listening to some of these segments and I was particularly struck by this discussion Elder Bednar had with a woman in the audience.  

Woman:    In your book, “Act in Doctrine”, you talk about that ultimately the gift of Charity posses us – we don’t posses it.  How do we know if Charity is possessing us?

Elder Bednar:    You’ll have to listen carefully to this answer –ok.  It will strike a little abruptly - given  the nature of your question.  
I really believe that the more we have [charity], the more we quit wondering if we have it...  We get in a mode of  “I want to get this” and I would suggest that the very mode of “I want to get this” gets in the way of us getting it... It's a turn to the Savior because we’re trying to get this but there’s a little bit of looking back.  A spiritual gift like Charity is when it’s about blessing somebody else, it’s not about us being able to say “yeah, I got this”… the more we get out of the way, the more it can be brought to us.

I believe what Elder Bednar is teaching here is the same concept C.S. Lewis illustrates about humility when the Satan figure in his book, Uncle Screwtape, is teaching his nephew, Wormwood, how to destroy a Christian;

"Your patient has become humble; have you drawn his attention to the fact? All virtues are less formidable to us once the man is aware that he has them, but this is especially true of humility. Catch him at the moment when he is really poor in spirit and smuggle into his mind the gratifying reflection, 'By jove! I’m being humble', and almost immediately pride—pride at his own humility—will appear. If he awakes to the danger and tries to smother this new form of pride, make him proud of his attempt—and so on, through as many stages as you please"

The Lord wants us to seek after the gift of Charity, in fact we are commanded to "pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that we may be filled with this love" (Moroni 7:48)  But in order for it to be bestowed, our "eye must be single to the glory of God" and it must not be exploited to get personal gain, to "look good, or appear good" or to glorify ourselves in any way.  Our hearts must be sincere and our motives must be pure.  

"True meekness has a metabolism that actually requires very little praise or recognition—of which there is usually such a shortage anyway. Most of the time, the sponge of selfishness quickly soaks up everything in sight, including praise intended for others." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

I think the same can be said about true charity.

Elder Maxwell warns, "Be careful of the natural man’s milder expressions—craving for credit and rustling for recognition. Alas, so often the hearts and even the moral agency of others can be crushed in the search for self-glorification."

C. S. Lewis explained this teaching of the Savior: “The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first—wanting to be the centre—wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan"

President Gordon B. Hinckley would say, “He who lives only unto himself withers and dies, while he who forgets himself in the service of others grows and blossoms in this life and in eternity.”

This is what I want to learn - to forget mySELF, but I must remember “that the very mode of ‘I want to get this’ gets in the way of [me] getting it…. A spiritual gift like Charity is when it’s about blessing somebody else" The whole entire idea of "self" must be taken out of the equation.

I think a great talk to go with these thoughts I've had today was given in April 2009 by Dallin H. Oaks - "Unselfish Service"  I'm so thankful for the wisdom and counsel of these wise men who have been called of God to help keep me in the right way.  I need their guidance.  

-Alicia

Just Another Way to Die

This is a quote my husband and I heard at Education Week a few days ago.  I think it goes just perfect with my little axiom, "There are a million ways to die but there's only one true way to live."

C.S. Lewis basically says the same thing but with even more clarity.  Things are unraveling at rapid speeds and it is essential that we get our houses, our lives, our relationships, and our faith in order. The important thing in this day of tribulation and trouble is not how we die but how we are found living our lives.  I love this!

"In one way we think a great deal too much of the atomic bomb. 'How are we to live in an atomic age?' I am tempted to reply: 'Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents."

In other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation. Believe me, dear sir or madam, you and all whom you love were already sentenced to death before the atomic bomb was invented: and quite a high percentage of us were going to die in unpleasant ways. We had, indeed, one very great advantage over our ancestors - anaesthetics; but we have that still. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things - praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts - not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds." - C.S. Lewis

Taking Out the Trash

One of our guiding principles of schooling our children from home is to "educate the whole child." Our hope is that during their elementary and middle school years we can create within our kids a strong understanding of who they are and who they can become - so that by the time they reach high school and enter the public system, they are more solid among their peers and not "tossed about by every wind of doctrine." We want them to know that their identity is centered in the divine nature of their soul and not in academia or popularity.  

Tonight, my husband and I discussed a couple of principles that we feel will help them more holistically.  But before we had this discussion, let me rewind to this afternoon:

While I was looking through old photo albums with my daughter, I had an interesting experience... flashbacks began to stir up more than memories for me and it wasn’t pretty. Now, I love looking at old pictures of family but I was surprised that as I viewed ones with me, insecure voices from the past began to creep in, mean voices.  I began to focus on every ugly flaw and I was beginning to feel really depressed about myself.  "That's crap." I thought, "How do I get this garbage out of my head? Where is this coming from?" I knew these thoughts well.  They were the old lies I had heard a million times growing up.

Later, after our kids went to bed, my husband and I discussed what we could do to strengthen our children.  I thought of my experience with the photo album and said, "You know what?... If I could go back in time and visit myself as a child, I'd teach her how to take out the trash and treasure the truth.  I had a horrible habit of tearing myself down when I was young and it still occasionally haunts me today."

"I like that idea," he said "let's expound upon it."

"Well, I'd like to see our kids learn to take out the trash in all aspects of their lives: physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally."

"Great!" my husband agreed.  "How would this look?"

We began to list some ideas for each one and this is what we came up with:

"Taking Out the Trash"

• Physically - throw away clutter in their rooms and avoiding too much junk food in their diet 
• Mentally - toss out movies, music, pictures, books, and media that is filthy or corrodes
• Emotionally - get rid of negative self-talk, comparing themselves to others, anxiety - fear, cynicism, and gossip the minute it begins to emerge
• Spiritually - toss out anything that drives away the Holy Ghost or limits the channels of revelation

"Treasuring the Truth"

• Physically - holding on to things that have lasting value, that are meaningful and useful.  making a habit of eating that will benefit the body and help it stay strong
• Mentally - "Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom" (D&C 88:118) Seek to watch, view, read, and listen to that which will inspire them to be their best selves. Educate their minds.
• Emotionally - speak positively of themselves with a Godly confidence and focus on the good in others, practice showing and expressing gratitude
• Spiritually - actively invite and seek to be around and involved in things that bring a greater measure of the Spirit- especially personal prayer, scripture study, and words of the living prophets

We feel like we’ve constructed a productive plan and are excited to introduce it to our children.  We even found an old Mormonad that is perfect for our education initiative.  We’re going to make some copies of this and place one on each door to serve as a reminder.  Hopefully, we can all do a little better at “taking out the trash” and “treasuring the truth” especially me.  

-Alicia

Light Cleaveth Unto Light

What a wonderful First Presidency Message this month!  I honestly believe that in these last days we are witnessing and will continue to witness some amazing miracles.  It is a beautiful, beautiful time to be alive.  Yes, we live in a day where the world has never been more dark... but the darker the night - the brighter the stars.  A great gathering is taking place, a gathering of light.  President Monson emphasizes this in this month's Ensign.  "For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light."- D&C 88:40  

"You are children of light...I would like all of the youth of the Church to know that they are children of light. As such, they have a responsibility to be 'as lights in the world' (Philippians 2:15). They have a duty to share the truths of the gospel. They have a calling to stand as a temple beacon, reflecting gospel light to an increasingly dark world. They have a charge to keep their light aflame and burning brightly.

In order for us to be 'an example of the believers' (1 Timothy 4:12), we ourselves must believe. We must develop the faith necessary to survive spiritually and to project a light for others. We must nurture our testimony until it becomes an anchor to our lives.

Among the most effective ways to gain and keep the faith we need today is to read and study the scriptures and to pray frequently and consistently." - President Thomas S. Monson

I love the simplicity of what is most essential in today's darkening world.  What is most important is that we lay down a strong foundation of faith for every day through prayer, scripture study, and application.  As we do so we open the windows of heaven of revelation and we have light.  There is never any day we need to walk in darkness.

"When you are a light to the world, people around you will feel a special spirit that will make them want to associate with you and follow your example." - President Thomas S. Monson

This is the essence of the deepest beauty because it comes from the inside out.  I echo the words of Elaine S. Dalton:

"There is no more beautiful sight than a young woman [or man] who glows with the light of the Spirit, who is confident and courageous because she [or he] is virtuous." - (Remember Who You Are) - Elaine S. Dalton

-Alicia

B-egging

The other day my three younger kids all came to me complaining that they were bored and insisted that the only possible remedy for their doldrums was more "screen time."  They know how much I can't stand them spending hours watching YouTube or playing computer games. I'm very strict against it, maybe a little too strict... but I'd rather "err on the side of caution."

"Mom, we are so bored!" "Yeah, this day is dumb."
"If you're bored, why don't you try a board game?"
They didn't laugh at my attempt to be punny.  "Mom, that's lame." (I smiled at my own joke.  I like lame.)
"Maybe you could go outside and skate or ride your bikes?"
"It's too hot outside, Mom!"  "Yeah, we'll die out there."
"Well, if you are really desperate for something to do... I could give you some jobs around the house. I've got lots of them." They slouched and rolled their eyes in unison. (All the parents know how well that trick works.)
I suggested Legos, sculpting, reading... and math (I couldn't help it... that last one just slipped out.)
They were beginning to lose their patience and the tone of their voices became more elevated at me and at each other.
I opened the fridge to put some containers away and then remembered I had just boiled a bunch of eggs.  I took them out and handed them to the kids.  Here's something!  Go get my colored permanent markers and decorate these.  Smiles returned to their faces, they grabbed the eggs from me and ran off excitedly.
"Hmm, who knew?" I sighed in relief, glad I found something that interested them.  "That should hold them for a few minutes at least."
They went to work doodling faces.  Soon ideas began to flow and they had out all the pipe cleaners, hot glue, cotton balls, and googly eyes.  When I suggested decorating, I didn't expect this...  But it was perfect because they now had characters to pretend and act out stories. They giggled and laughed  for over two and a half hours as they played with their "new toys."

 I'll admit that there are times  I've "cracked" under the pressure of my kids begging and pleading for more screen time.  But this time I didn't and I'm so glad.  The results were "eggs"traordinary! ;)

-Alicia

Here's a few more pictures of my awesome creative kids...

Micah's Military Camp

Miriam's "Brain Enchant-O-Tron"

Micah's Stop Annimation

Unlocking Our True Self

Sister Patricia Holland gave a wonderful talk in 1987 called, The Soul's Center.  She tells of a very real illness that is increasingly common umong women and asks:

“What are we doing to ourselves? Is this that female curse Isaiah spoke of in his prophecies? Is this some special last days’ dilemma into which we are entering and from which we may find it near-fatally difficult to withdraw?"

She then goes on to make some very telling observations of what may be the cause of this malady.

"I believe that as women we are becoming so concerned about having perfect figures, or straight A’s, or professional status, or even absolute motherly success, that we are being torn from our true selves. We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our own uniqueness, that full and relaxed acceptance of ourselves as a person of worth and individuality. Too many women watch helplessly as their lives unravel from the core that centers and sustains them. Too many are like a ship at sea without sail or rudder, tossed to and fro (as the Apostle Paul said) until more and more of us are genuinely, rail-grabbingly seasick.

I believe we can find it—the steady footing and the stilling of the soul—by turning away from the fragmentation of physical preoccupations (whether it be thin or fat) of superwoman careers or endless popularity contests and returning instead to the wholeness of our soul.

[Satan] knows that to truly find ourselves we must lose ourselves, so he begins to block our increased efforts to love—to love God, our neighbor, and ourselves. True charity takes us into the beauty...self-evaluation. To see ourselves as we really are often brings pain; but true humility, which comes from that process, is a godly virtue. We must be patient with ourselves as we overcome weaknesses and remember to rejoice over all that is good in us. This will strengthen the inner woman and leave her less dependent on outward acclaim. When the soul reaches the stage that it pays less attention to praise, it then cares very little when the public disapproves. These feelings of strength and the quiet triumph of faith carry us into an even brighter sphere. 

Sister Holland gives five keys to unlocking our souls, our true selves, the Divine identity within us.  Each key opens up access to the next key and are as follows.

1st - Sincere Prayer
2nd - Scripture Study (combined with sincere prayer, provides us with revelation)
3rd - True Charity
4th- Self-Evaluation /humility (losing ourselves)
5th - Lifting the veil

As we reach through the veil
"we have our chance to meet God face-to-face. For those who, like the brother of Jared, have the courage and faith to break through the veil into that sacred center of existence, we will find the brightness of the final box brighter than the noonday sun. There we will find peace and serenity and a stillness that will anchor our soul forever, for there we will find God.

Wholeness. Holiness. That is what it says over the entrance to the fifth box. Holiness to the Lord. 'Know ye not that ye are the temple of God?' (1 Corinthians 3:16). I testify that you are holy, that just by being born, divinity is abiding within you, waiting to be uncovered—to be reborn. God bless you in your search for the sacred center of your soul" 

(The Soul's Center by, Patricia Holland- BYU Devotional 1987)

I love this talk.  Sister Holland nails it!  She understands what it means to have a soul centered on Christ.  It is here in this simple uncomplicated pattern of keys that frees us from the need to be noticed or the race to be recognized.  Women who follow this course know and understand their true identity.  They are settled and at peace even in the middle of the storms surrounding them.  These are women who truly trust in God's love, His grace, His commandments, and His covenants.  Their lives become less of a "balancing act" because there is only One they need to please and He is at the center of their heart.

-Alicia

Real Education

I've had the privilege of attending BYU's Education Week these past few days.  Tonight was the last night.  I've written down thoughts, taken snapshots of slides with my phone, and took mental notes too.  I don't want to lose any of this.  There is so much I need to learn!  I've had many impressions come of what I need to do to be a better wife and mother, a better sister and friend.  I have some goals I really want to achieve like being a more focused listener,  to seek more to understand rather than to be understood, to express sincere gratitude to God and to others more (especially those of my own family), to give more of personal one-on-one time to my kids even if it's just for 10 min.

 I want to be more optimistic and do better at recognizing blessings.  I heard a story tonight about a woman with trials I cannot even begin to describe, she's a modern-day Job.
 Man, her story was humbling! I couldn't help think of that old Indian proverb:  "I used to complain I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."  I have now and have had such a cushy life in comparison.

I went to a class on Tuesday all about optimism and living after the manner of happiness.  I've been thinking about what this looks like and how to apply it to myself.

Yesterday, I took my kids shopping for some school supplies.  As we left the store and loaded up the van, I stopped in my tracks and just looked around: I saw my wonderful children, I saw the beautiful sky above me, saw the modern conveniences everywhere and the ability we have to buy food and clothes... I got in the car and as we pulled on to the freeway, my heart was brimming over...  I just blurted out "It's a miracle!  It's a complete miracle!"
My kids looked at me with the usual glare, "You're so weird mom!"
I kept going, "No really, look at everything around us!  We are riding in this amazing machine at incredible speeds, we have air conditioning on a hot day and music that plays at the touch of a button. We hardly have to move a muscle and can be transported from point A to point B in just a matter of minutes.  Can you imagine what the pioneers would have thought of our being able to travel like this??  Couldn't you just see the handcart companies stuck in the snow and see an airplane fly overhead and realize, 'You mean to tell us we could have made this trip in 2 hours?!'  You guys we have miracles like this right in front of our face all the time that we hardly realize what is happening because we're just used to it.  They are EVERYWHERE!  We are so amazingly blessed!"
I wasn't sure if my kids were listening but boy it felt so good!  It was wonderful to take a moment to bask in all that is at our fingertips.  I want to make a habit of doing this more, I really do.  (As I'm writing, I'm remembering a devotional by Russel M. Nelson called The Magnificence of Man.  I need to listen to that again.)

I'll have to share in detail some time other things that I've taken with me from Education Week. My husband wants to make this a yearly tradition. I'm excited about that..  I have so very much to learn!

-Alicia

Confession

Okay, I have a confession to make....
I may have just a slight obsession and or addiction to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland talks. For years and YEARS I've listened to all of his BYU devotionals.  I'm not sure when exactly I got hooked or if it's necessarily a bad thing... I love to hear ALL of the apostles and prophets but for some reason, the way Elder Holland delivers the message and the words he chooses hit me with a force that both stills my soul and moves me into immediate action.  He's like the perfect mix between a drill Sergeant and Glenda, the Good Witch.  Can I say that?   I love listening to the talks his wife, Patricia, gives as well.  She also knows how to "nail it."

Yesterday, I had playing on repeat both of the devotionals they gave back in Jan. of 1987.  The Bitter Cup and the Bloody Baptism and The Soul's Center.  Classic, absolutely classic!  Highly recommended!

(I also have an obsession with talks by Elder Neal A. Maxwell.)

This is how...

In our ward scripture study this morning we read the great lament of Mormon when he cries for his people “O ye fair ones, how could ye have departed from the ways of the Lord… how could ye have rejected that Jesus… how is it that ye could have fallen!” Mormon 6:17-19

“They were once a delightsome people and they had Christ for their shepherd…. but now they are led about by Satan.” - Mormon 5:17-18

HOW?  

This is how….

4 Nephi - Mormon 4

• began to be lifted up in pride, the wearing of costly apparel, and … all manner of the fine things of the world. (their “appearance” mattered most) - 4 Ne. 1:24
• had their goods no more common among them (caught up in competition or selfish indulgence) - 4 Ne. 1:25
• began to be divided into classes (they became “clicky”)  - 4 Ne. 1:26
• they built up churches unto themselves (more concerned about having “followers” than being a disciple of Christ.)  - 4 Ne. 1:26
• began to deny the true church (it became “inconvenient” for their “lifestyle”) - 4 Ne. 1:26
• they hardened their hearts (this is what happens when pure love or charity is absent) - 4 Ne. 1:34
• led by many priests and false prophets - (people who made them feel “comfortable” in their iniquities and in their view of the "inconvenient gospel")  - 4 Ne. 1:34
• they smote the people of Jesus (this could also mean verbal “smack”) - 4 Ne. 1:34
• they did dwindle in unbelief (no faith- no action - leads to less and less believing and more and more wickedness) - 4 Ne. 1:34
• eventually they did willfully rebel and taught their children that they should not believe (by their words and by their example) - 4 Ne. 1:38
• hated the things of God and taught their children to hate it too  - 4 Ne. 1:39
• built up secret combinations  - 4 Ne. 1:42
• proud in their hearts - filled with vanity  - 4 Ne. 1:43
• wanted nothing to do with the Lord’s beloved disciples  - Mormon 1:13
• sorrowed that the Lord would not suffer them to take happiness in sin  - Mormon 2:13
• didn’t recognize the Lord  - Mormon 3:3
• boasted in their own strength  - Mormon 3:9
• boasted of their own strength  - Mormon 4:8
• repented not but persisted in wickedness continually  - Mormon 4:10

As I read these things a couple of talks from the Elder Jeffrey R. Holland came to my mind on how to prevent this downfall:

"And as you labor to know [God] and to know that He knows you; as you invest your time—and inconvenience—in quiet, unassuming service, you will indeed find that “his angels [have] charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up.” (Matt. 4:6.) It may not come quickly. It probably won’t come quickly, but there is purpose in the time it takes. Cherish your spiritual burdens because God will converse with you through them and will use you to do his work if you carry them well." - Jeffrey R. Holland - The Inconvenient Messiah

The Cost and Blessings of Discipleship

Discerning Hearts

What if the Lord had blessed you with the gift of discerning hearts,  the gift of recognizing when a brother or sister was in pain even if never openly expressed?  What if you could see they were suffering from hurt or sorrow not necessarily from their own doings but from uncontrollable circumstances around them... what would you do?  What if you were given eyes to see these things but you were bound and limited in what you could do to help them?  What would you say to encourage them, to make their burdens a little lighter?

I would offer my faith.  I'd say, "Put on as many conference talks as you can find and soak up the words of the Living Prophets.  Hang on!  Press on!  Hold on! Be true to the truths you know.  All will be well.  All will be well!  I know this because the Lord is at the helm.  Your prayers are heard, both the spoken and unspoken."

Elder Holland says it better:

"Cling to your faith. Hold on to your hope. 'Pray always, and be believing.'  Indeed, as Paul wrote of Abraham, he 'against [all] hope believed in hope' and 'staggered not … through unbelief.' He was 'strong in faith' and was 'fully persuaded that, what [God] had promised, he was able … to perform.'

Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed."

 - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland - An High Priest of Good Things to Come

If I Could...

"And it came to pass when Jesus had said these words, he spake unto his disciples, one by one, saying unto them: What is it that ye desire of me, after that I am gone to the Father?
 And they sorrowed in their hearts, for they durst not speak unto Him the thing which they desired.  And He said unto them, behold I know your thoughts... for ye have desired that ye might bring the souls of men unto Me, while the world shall stand."- 3 Ne. 28:1,5,6,9

What would I wish for if I were given the same opportunity?

Alma prayed, "O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!" - Alma 29:1

His companion, Amulek, desired to "stretch forth [his] hands, and exercise the power of God... when [he] saw the pains of the women and children" and he wished to "save them from the flames." - Alma 14:10 

The Lord surely must smile upon the righteous intents of each of these men's hearts. They didn't have their prayers answered the same yet they all had similar desires, to minister in miraculous ways.  They all wanted greatly to answer the cries of the people, and bring souls unto the healing, gentle Christ.

It is one of Heaven's transcendent gifts, to "bear one another's burdens" to "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort."  Mosiah 18:8-9 This is the way of the Savior.  These principles are solidified into the very core of His Divine character.  He changed the world and continues to do so... "one by one."  Master of the Universe, Creator of us all, there is nothing too hard for Him!

In and of myself, I am no good and could be of no help to anyone... but through Him, through His influence, power, and infinite grace, I believe I can change the world too... one by one.  This is my desire.  This is what I wish for more than anything else.

-Alicia

Waiting For the Prodigal

This morning I listened to the most recent General Conference as I got ready for church.  "Waiting for the Prodigal" began to play...  I listened and thought of each of my siblings.

"Some of you... have family members who have temporarily lost their way... When the lost one is your son or your daughter, your brother or your sister, and he or she has chosen to leave, we learned in our family that, after all we can do, we love that person with all of our hearts and we watch, we pray, and we wait for the Lord’s hand to be revealed." - Elder Brent H. Neilson

Both my brothers and my sister have chosen to leave the Church.  As the conference talk played, my mind centered mostly on my sister because it's her birthday today and her daughter is staying the weekend with me.  My sister is openly against the church, even against God.  Her habits, lifestyle, political and social views usually differ completely opposite from my own.  But like Elder Neilson, "although [I cannot] embrace all of [my sister's] choices, [I can] certainly embrace her. [I] love, [I] watch, and [I] wait."

My sister and I were very close growing up.  I was her shadow and followed her around like a long lost puppy.  She took me out for ice cream, dressed me up and gave me make-overs.  She made cassette recordings of our favorite songs so we could dance our hearts out without the noise of commercial breaks.  (To this day, every time I hear "We Built This City" I think of her.) Then there were the quite moments she would sympathetically nurse my wounds after I had just received a beating from my father's "bad behavior stick." She was very compassionate.

I saw her deep compassion displayed again when I was in Jr. High and she took me to her new job at the local care center.  The place was repugnant with the smell of urine and rubbing alcohol.  I remember vividly the way she greeted the residents in their wheelchairs as she walked down the corridors.  Most of the residents had food encrusted around their mouths with gnarled paralyzed hands covered in drool.  She would look each person in the eyes, put her arms around them and kiss them lovingly on the cheek.  I watched in amazement - never once did their appearance or odor make her flinch. She understood their worth and true identity.  She inspired me to get involved in the peer tutoring program and later get a job in a nursing home as well.

To this day, she continues to work at care centers and rest homes.  Occasionally, I have driven to Salt Lake to help wheel the residents to her activities.  I love to see my sister at her work, this is where she is "in her element" where I see her for who she really is.

The simple truth is, All of us are in some ways like the prodigal... "All of us fall short of the glory of the Father (see Romans 3:23). All of us need the Savior’s Atonement to heal us. All of us are lost and need to be found."- Elder Brent H. Neilson

As far as the Church goes in her life.  I honestly believe my sister will return someday. I don't know how long it will take but I know her heart is good.  Until then, I will continue to love, and watch, and wait.

-Alicia

August sixteenth,

Nineteen-seventy-four

A strange bird left a bundle

Just outside the door –

A curious package, exceptionally fair,

With bluish-gray eyes, 

And reddish-blond hair.

Whimsical and fun,

Filled with laughter and light,

This lively young girl 

Grew witty and bright.

Time passed along,

She loved to skate and to dance

And she did so in style –

With acid-washed pants.

Her young siblings followed

Wanting to also be cool.

Amy had the attention 

Of every boy in the school.

When it came down to friends,

She made them so easy.

She was accepting and loving

And a little bit cheesy.

I think of her always,

Quite often I miss her.

Today I celebrate 

The life of my sister.

By, Alicia Rawlins 8-16-15

Symbols of Surrender

In 3 Nephi Chapter 27, the Savior speaks a great deal about baptism.  I love the imagery of surrendering our whole souls to God as one is baptized.  I've been thinking a great deal about other places where we find symbols of surrender.

In 3 Nephi 24, the Savior quotes Malachi 3 when He invites the multitude to be refined and purified through Him like silver and purged as gold.  In verse 10, He testifies of tithes and offerings. (Hearing this, I also think of fasting.) Personally trusting and acting upon these truths are symbols of surrender.

The Savior laying prostrate on the ground as He prayed in Gethsemane pouring out blood and soul, both there and on the cross; bruised, broken, and torn for us, is a beautiful symbol of the most humble surrender. Matt 26:36-46 Matt 27:32-56

Where else in the scriptures can we see these symbols?  Do we see other symbols of surrender in the Temple besides just baptism?

In the Conference Report of October 1966 President Howard W. Hunter said,
 "One of the great writers has penned: 'Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul; we may preserve it in the midst of the bitterest pain, if our will remains firm and submissive. Peace in this life springs from acquiescence, not in an exemption from suffering.' (Fenelon.)

Emerson wrote: 'Nothing can bring you peace but yourself; nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.' (Essay, 'Self-Reliance.') These principles are incorporated into the gospel of Jesus Christ. Indifference to the Savior or failure to keep the commandments of God brings about insecurity, inner turmoil, and contention. These are the opposite of peace. Peace can come to an individual only by an unconditional surrender—surrender to him who is the Prince of peace (Isa. 9:6), who has the power to confer peace."

Interesting that there is the pattern again about how to find rest and peace to our soul.
...Just some things I'll be thinking about today.

-Alicia

Selling the Sacred

"What shall it profit a man, 
if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

Mark 8:36

 When Christ visited the ancient Americas, He prophesied that His chosen people would "sell [Him] for silver and for gold, and for that which moth doth corrupt and which thieves can break through and steal" - 3 Nephi 27:32

How could anyone get to that point?

What brought Judas, the once chosen disciple, to the place where he willingly gave up the Kingdom of God and His relationship with the Savior in exchange for thirty pieces of lousy silver??

It's not just money that the sacred is sold for.  It is given up in exchange for all kinds of "gain" - for appetite, praise, popularity, fame, friends, or attention.  Esau, with his unsatisfiable hunger, willingly forsook his blessings of birthright for a "mess of pottage."

It's puzzling how unbalanced and grossly lopsided the trade-off is -Yet we see it all around us today: the Sabbath is traded in for sport and recreation, modesty is traded in for fashion and attention, the counsel of living prophets is exchanged for popular opinion, quiet communion with God is given up for the clamor and rant of "saving face" on social pages.  The list goes on and on.

What other sacred things do we sell?

From the Mt. Sinai, Moses laid out the very first commandment from heaven, "Thou shalt have no other God's before me."  

Why was this commandment first?  The Savior taught, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God; and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." - Matthew 6:33  

"Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven." 

Nothing the world has to offer could ever compare to what God can give. The sacred is not something to be sold because it is beyond price, no earthy gain could match its infinite value.

The Lord desires to pour out blessings upon us but in order to receive them we must prove He is first priority. And as it is with every commandment kept and held close to our hearts, glorious promises are given.  The wide path the world chooses is easy to recognize because so many go there but the narrow path is found by only a few - it takes "eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to understand." 

Which road will we take?

"I'm tryin' to get somewhere that's real and pure and eternal...

....I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul."
 (lyrics from TobyMac)

-Alicia

A Pocketfull of Poetry

"Life is a test, please give the best answer

A or B or C, pick one instantly

What if there's so much more to me?"

- Pocketfull of Poetry by, Mindy Gledhill

I have two final exams today and ready or not.... here I come.  I feel like the worst at studying because of my super-short attention span.  I've actually discovered I study better at home with my children needing me every half an hour because I get a break from sitting still. 

Well.... 

I gotta go to work...  

...just after I listen to this song.  ;)                                                                          

Wait... where was I?

- Alicia 

Learning Meekness - Finding Rest

As I was studying in Moroni, I noticed chapters 7, 9, and 10 all mention the word "rest." Upon reading this word, I felt a desire to extract it off the page, swallow it like a pill, and have its remedial effects penetrate deep into every fiber of my heart. While contemplating its consumption, I remembered that I had already been taught how to obtain rest. I have written about this before - Rest comes from coming unto Christ and "learning meekness." - Matthew 11:29-30

To have this rest I so desperately desire, I must become meek. I began to search as many conference talks or BYU speeches I could find on meekness. I found several and saved quotes from each of them. I hit a gold mine when I opened up this one by Neal A. Maxwell - "Meek and Lowly"

I took down some portions that really struck me.

"The full witness often does not come 'until after the trial of your faith' (Ether 12:6). Those trials may be very focused. President Lorenzo Snow once said to the Twelve of his day, 'Every one of us who has not already had the experience must yet meet it of being tested in every place where we are weak' (Abraham H. Cannon journal, April 9, 1890). Indeed, did not the Lord specifically promise the meek that he would make 'weak things become strong unto them' (Ether 12:27)

“Did Paul not speak knowingly of the ‘fellowship of [Christ’s] sufferings’ (Philippians 3:10)? Are we not told that meekness is so vital that God actually gives us certain challenges in order to keep us humble (Ether 12:27)? Did not Peter write regarding how Christians should expect to be familiar with fiery trials (1 Peter 4:12)? Furthermore, as the disciple enriches his relationship with the Lord, he is apt to have periodic ‘public relations’ problems with others, being misrepresented and misunderstood . He or she will have to 'take it' at times. Meekness, therefore, is a key to deepening discipleship.” - Elder Neal A. Maxwell - BYU Oct. 21, 1986 - Meek and Lowly

After reading these, It occurred to me that meekness is meant to grow out of weakness. Grateful for this imagery, such a realization helps me embrace the pain that accompanies areas where I am weak - like fully embracing the cutting, yet skillful, blade in the hands of the Master Physician. In striving to sincerely submit my will to His, I may be misrepresented or misunderstood by others and whatever comes of that, I must "take it!"

To renforce this principle of pain being part of the proceedure, C.S. Lewis said:

"[So God is, then, something like a divine physician.] A cruel man might be bribed—might grow tired of his vile sport—might have a temporary fit of mercy, as alcoholics have [temporary] fits of sobriety. But suppose that what you are up against is a [wonderfully skilled] surgeon whose intentions are [solely and absolutely] good. [Then], the kinder and more conscientious he is, [the more he cares about you,] the more inexorably he will go on cutting [in spite of the suffering it may cause. And] if he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain up to that point would have been useless. . . . [pp. 49–50]

[So I am, you see, one] of God’s patients, not yet cured. I know there are not only tears [yet] to be dried but stains [yet] to be scoured. [My] sword will be made even brighter. [C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed (New York: Seabury Press, Inc., 1961 p. 49]"

In Elder Neal A. Maxwell's talk, he lists characteristics of the truly meek. I laid them out and read them over and over again, wanting to burn them into memory. I have so much to learn! I'm grateful the Lord is patient with me as I stumble and fall along the way. He kindly guides me and brings healing to my heart. In Him, I truly do find rest to my soul.

-Alicia

Characteristics of the Truly Meek

1. Serious disciples are not only urged to do good but also to avoid growing weary of doing good (see Galatians 6:9 and Helaman 10:5).
2. They are not only urged to speak the truth but also to speak the truth in love (see Ephesians 4:15).
3. They are not only urged to endure all things but also to endure them well (see D&C 121:8).
4. They are not only urged to be devoted to God’s cause but also to be prepared to sacrifice all things, giving, if necessary, the last full measure of devotion (see Lectures on Faith 6:7).
5. They are not only to do many things of worth but are also to focus on the weightier matters, the things of most worth (see Matthew 23:23).
6. They are not only urged to forgive but also to forgive seventy times seven (see Matthew 18:21–22).
7. They are not only to be engaged in good causes, but also they are to be “anxiously engaged” (see D&C 58:27).
8. They are not only to do right but also to do right for the right reasons.
9. They are told to get on the strait and narrow path, but then are told that this is only the beginning, not the end (see 2 Nephi 31:19–20).
10. They are not only to endure enemies but also to pray for them and to love them (see Matthew 5:44).
11. They are urged not only to worship God but, astoundingly, they are instructed to strive to become like him! (See Matthew 5:48; 3 Nephi 12:48, 27:27.)
12. In the midst of all these things,” they are given a Sabbath day for rest, during which they do the sweetest but often the hardest work of all.
13. The meek individual may not, to be sure, always fully decipher what is happening to him or around him. However, even though he does not “know the meaning of all things,” he knows that the Lord loves him (see 1 Nephi 11:17).
14. He may feel overwhelmed, but, unlike the proud, he is not out of control. In fact, in some moments it is important for us to “Be still, and know that [he is] God” (Psalms 46:10). Even articulate discipleship has its side of silent certitude!
15. True meekness has a metabolism that actually requires very little praise or recognition.
16. The greater his knowledge, the greater his meekness. The more he strives to become like Jesus and the more he wishes to declare his gospel, the more he rejoices exceedingly when Christ’s message is heeded. - Elder Neal A. Maxwell - BYU Oct. 21, 1986 - Meek and Lowly