May God's Love Be With You!

A week ago, we finished our Book of Mormon reading as a ward family.  For our final activity, we all wrote our testimonies on "gold" plates and buried them in our Bishop's backyard. They will fit nicely there with King Benjamin's tower, the buried weapons of war, and the Jaredite barge [aka: his carriage house]. Words can't express how much I'll miss these adventures we've had in this place.

Leading up to that final event last week, I studied what it meant to "lay hold upon every good thing" (Moroni 7:19).  I searched the definition and discovered "lay hold" means to "seize" as in "seize the day".  Of course, this reminded me of my favorite movie, Mitty, and how Cheryl's influence caused Walter to seize the day.

I've written about it before, the secret to life....  To tell the truth, It's on my mind constantly... so it may come as no surprise that I thought about it again this morning as I studied the New Testament and came across these verses, "Ye are all the children of the light and the children of the day... let us who are of the day, be sober [calm, reasonable, and clear thinking], putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation." (1 Thessalonians 5:5,8)

In this modern age there is warfare of all kinds, not just physical but spiritual and emotional too.  In the midst of  battle, the most vital areas are the chest and head -So, I really like the imagery Paul uses as he instructs us how to protect them.

When I think of Salvation for our helmet, I think of "always remembering Him" [our Savior and His atoning sacrifice for us].  This is vital because we are fallible, we are mortal, we make mistakes, and we're so very far from perfect. The Savior knew we would need hope in life's moments that hit us so painfully with this reality.  Truly, what can bring more hope into our lives than knowing and always remembering that we have a way out of every tangled mess and that He delights to untangle us?!!

The breastplate covers our heart and lungs - the place where cells draw in life-giving air and carry it to our life-giving blood.  The functions of the these organs in our chest give us LIFE, they sustain us. we could not exist without them.  That's why I find it interesting that they are protected by faith and love, the two most powerful forces in the universe!

Henry Drummond put it beautifully when he said, "On the last analysis, then, love is life. Love never faileth and life never faileth so long as there is love."  

Finally, the other words I read that added to this imagery were these, "Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks." (1 Thes. 5:16-18)  

If we could remember these three things today and everyday: Mind, Heart, and Mouth - it will help us "lay hold" and seize the day - to become who we are striving to become. It will preserve us in the heat of battle, always remembering the Savior and His great atoning sacrifice, being motivated and driven by faith and love, constantly praying, constantly communicating with God and striving in all our relationships to speak with more gratitude and offer more thanks when we open our mouth.

I know as we do this we will discover the secret to a very rich, and very abundant life!

We are children of the day!  Aw man, I'm so grateful for all the SUNSHINE that adds a measure of grace to my world!
Keep dancin'
-Alicia

Searching

Well, we've cancelled the contract for the home we were considering.  My husband has been terribly uneasy about it and I feel like I've been grasping at straws trying to somehow make it work in my own mind.  The seller is refusing to pay for the cost to rewire the house.  It's riddled with exposed live wires and other fire hazards.  I wish that this were the only issue with the home.  There are other concerns not as major but still pretty big deals and the sellers just won't go down anymore in price to make the purchase worth the headaches.

I'm sad.
My kids and I all had our hopes up that we could stay in this area.  I guess there's still a possibility we could find something else or the seller could change their mind.

For now, it's back to searching.  I'm feeling worn from it all and can hardly bring myself to keep looking.  None of us ever wanted to move... especially me.

I listened to my friend, Jennifer, give a presentation at BYU today for Education Week.  She actually spoke about re-wiring... not for a house of course, but a way to re-wire our minds and hearts through the process of daily rituals, through diligent scripture study and sincere heart-felt prayer.  She testified of how good the Lord is, that He hears every petition.  She quoted Joseph Smith in saying, "Come to God weary him until He blesses you."  I reflected on my personal scripture study this morning "Ask, and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you"(3 Nephi 27:29) and where the Savior inquires of His servants, "What is it that ye desire of me?" (3 Nephi 28:1)

The Lord knows what I desire!
If I have not wearied Him, I've certainly wearied myself in pleading to stay close by this beautiful place.  Like a tree that thrives and blossoms near a stream, somehow my spirit needs this closeness for my soul.

Maybe it's me who needs the re-wiring?
-Alicia

Lord, I pray! - Ponderize - Week 44

I have two scriptures I'm ponderizing this week.

The first one, I've chosen to ponder is a version from the New Living Translation:

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. 

Keep on seeking, and you will find. 

Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." 

- Matt 7:7

And the second is David's Psalm:

 "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." 

-Psalm 37:4-5

-Alicia

In the Lord's Timing

We've been seriously looking at at a home to buy.  And we had one that we made an offer on but not an official offer.  We just texted the seller the other night and asked if he would consider our price and he agreed.  He sent us the paperwork for the official offer tonight with a promise that we would love the home and that he's excited to have us move there.

But we couldn't sign it.

This morning and all day we have felt frustration and confusion about buying this home even though it seems to fit just fine for what we need.  We could even move into it in a couple of weeks if we wanted.  Everything is ready... but something isn't settling with us.  We keep feeling like we need to wait. It's been hard because we don't want to look back with regret and realize we passed up a great home.  It has also been hard to discern between "a stupor of thought" or just our own desires to stall and hang on to what we have here.

Last week, when we were considering a different home and things fell through, Joseph picked up the Ensign wondering what direction it might have for us.  He came across an article entitled, "According to the Will and Timing of the Lord"  by, Elder Bednar.  It was so applicable for our situation!  This principle has returned to both our minds several times over this process,  "It's not ready yet.  Not yet."  The question is: Do we have the courage to trust this?  Do we trust that there is something better out there?

We can look more.  We can take our time.  The Lord softened our Landlady's heart to allow us month-to-month.  Maybe it's meant for us to take advantage of that?

We knelt and prayed tonight and presented our decision to the Lord to pass on this home and to wait a little longer.  As we did so, we both felt the tension leave us and peace return.  Joseph emailed the seller to inform him that we won't be signing the offer.  This wasn't easy to make but we feel good with it.

Tomorrow we are going to the Temple together to seek more guidance and inspiration.  We pray with all our hearts that we might be in tune enough to recognize where exactly we need to be.

"Strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives—

even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted." 

- Elder David A. Bednar

-Alicia

"They Shall Be Granted" - Ponderize- Week 34

Searching for a scripture to ponder through the week, I found several... but this is the one my heart is really gravitating to at this time.

"My friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;  Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament - the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.  Therefore, He giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory saith the Lord." - D&C 98:1-3

I looked back through old posts and realized I've shared parts of this scripture a couple of times on my blogs already.  (I had forgotten that.)  I suppose a little repetition doesn't hurt me though.

I can't think of any greater comfort than knowing that my prayers are heard and that every pure and righteous desire will be granted... no matter how much further down the road that may be.  I also appreciate the part about giving thanks all along the way.

-Alicia

My Wish for You

I wasn't going to post anything tonight but I had an old song come into my mind and thought I'd share it.  This is my wish for all those I love. Seize each day and make it beautiful my friends!!

My Wish for You

by, Rascal Flatts

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you wanna go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.

But more than anything, more than anything

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you live,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, more than anything

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

- Alicia ;)

A Marvelous Father

Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending the homecoming of my nephew, Dane.  What a solid, good, and pure young man!  I'm so incredibly proud of him.  He's such a naturally righteous soul: timid like a lamb on the outside but roaring like a lion with bold testimony on the inside.  Once, I asked his mother the secret to raising such an amazing kid.  She shook her head at me with surprise, "Alicia, you have no idea... honestly, he came that way.  He is unlike any other, I've never had a child so naturally obedient." I thought to myself, "She's been blessed with a 'Nephi.'"

The messages in Sacrament meeting yesterday were beautiful; centered on charity, the pure love of Christ.  Then Nephi... I mean Dane, concluded his testimony of miracles and angels (both seen and unseen.) I smiled.

In Sunday school we discussed 1 Nephi 8 and the Tree of Life and in Relief Society we learned about the Kingdom of God established on earth as it is in Heaven.  

I took mental note of the talk referenced in Sunday school by Robert D. Hales entitled, "With all the Feeling of a Tender Parent." Still thinking of my sister-in-law's comment and the varying dispositions of our children... what about Lehi's children?  What a contrast between Nephi and his brothers! How much did this affect the emotions of their father?

• "The hymn often sung by our pioneer ancestors tells us what to do: “Gird up your loins; fresh courage take. / Our God will never us forsake.”  That courage and faith is what we need as parents and families in these latter days.
• Father Lehi had such courage. He loved his family and rejoiced that some of his children kept the Lord’s commandments. But he must have been heartbroken when his sons “Laman and Lemuel partook not of the fruit” representing the love of God. “He exceedingly feared for [them]; yea, he feared lest they should be cast off from the presence of the Lord.” - Elder Robert D. Hales

Lehi was an incredible father; devoted, loving, and true to the Faith!! Some of his children chose to follow his counsel and others refused.  In all of his ups and downs, joys and heartache... I can't help but wonder if he ever just needed some affirmation for his valiant efforts, some reassurance that he was a good father, a marvelous father, regardless of the choices his children were making. (If he lived down the street from me, I'd take a moment to tell him that.) ;)

• "Our worthiness will not be measured according to their righteousness. Lehi did not lose the blessing of feasting at the tree of life because Laman and Lemuel refused to partake of its fruit. Sometimes as parents we feel we have failed when our children make mistakes or stray. Parents are never failures when they do their best to love, teach, pray, and care for their children. Their faith, prayers, and efforts will be consecrated to the good of their children. "  - Elder Robert D. Hales

Also, if  Lehi were my neighbor, I think I'd encourage him with this too;

• "Remember, remember all the days of your [fatherhood]: 'Ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.'
• Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And 'press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.'  You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

I offer my prayers for all those parents who strive so diligently to keep that brightness of hope alive in the midst of storms and pending gloom.  Keep shining!  Your light is seen by many and it warms their hearts... God will bless you for keeping that fire burning in your soul! It's beautiful!

-Alicia ;) 

For the Ordinary

Ever make yourself a commitment when you wake up in the morning to be a little better at something than you were the day before?  And maybe it's because you're too overly focused on that virtue that you miss the mark?  I don't know but I did not feel very patient yesterday.  It wasn't like I was rude or mean but I was definitely below par and I wasn't as grateful as I should have been.

It could have been associated with starting my day with shopping for kids clothes.  Shopping is not my idea of fun.  I like to get what I need and get out!

I tried to make things a little more exciting by taking the children and their friends to a dollar movie afterwards.  Miriam wanted to pick "Goosebumps" because she read all the books.  Chandler didn't like the idea but decided because it had Jack Black in it, he might enjoy some parts.  (Truth be told, it was pretty lame and I kept volunteering to go out to the lobby to re-fill the kids popcorn bucket.  Shhh just let them think I was doing it to be nice.)

Anyway, I began to feel disappointed in myself for not smiling more, for not... well... being happier.

At the end of the day, as I was driving home from the Wash Hut with a van full of laundry, I thought to myself, "You kinda bombed it today, Alicia.  Come on, you can do better than this."  I pulled into the apartment and my husband rushed down the stairs to help me bring the baskets in.  He was happy and helpful and had a spring in his step.  I was so glad to close the day with his bright attitude, glad that I have him and my four beautiful children.  And I was glad when I woke up this morning because I get to start over and try to be a little better today.

This is my take-away for the week- this is what truly matters most... 

I just need to practice this more.  :)

"Instead of grumbling and murmuring, we should be consolidating and reflecting, which would not be possible if life were an uninterrupted sequence of fantastic scenery, confrontive events, and exhilarating conversation.

Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead, instead of demeaning the particular flatness through which we may be passing at the time. We should savor even the seemingly ordinary times, for life cannot be made up all of kettledrums and crashing cymbals. There must be some flutes and violins. Living cannot be all crescendo; there must be some dynamic contrast.

Clearly, without patience we will learn less in life. We will see less; we will feel less; we will hear less. "Ironically, “rush” and “more” usually mean “less.” The pressure of “now,” time and time again, go against the grain of the gospel with its eternalism.

There is also in patience a greater opportunity for that discernment which sorts out the things that matter most from the things that matter least. The mealtime episode of the Savior in the home of Mary and Martha is an example. Anxious, impatient Martha focused on getting food on the table while Mary wisely chose “the good part”—companionship and conversation instead of calories—a good choice, the Savior said, which would not be taken from her." -Elder Neal A. Maxwell - 1979 BYU Speech - Patience

-Alicia

Only the Beginning

My nephew, Dane, returns home from his mission in January.  I can't believe it's been two years already.  What a faithful and dedicated missionary he has been!  I am so very proud of him.  As he's approached the end, he has felt very torn.  He has expressed in his letters his desire for more time.  How can it be over when it seems as if he's only just begun? There is still so much to learn, so much more to be done.

As I've pondered about this bitter-sweet moment for my nephew and the closing of his mission, I can't help but parallel it to our lives here on earth, how fast the years will go and how soon we will be called home.  Even if it isn't until we are ninety years old, will we look back at our life's mission and desire more time? What a blessing it is to know that it will not be the end, that we will go on learning, that we will continue to grow and that the sweet associations we enjoy here will be even sweeter, more beautiful, and far brighter in heaven.

Thank goodness that in the big picture, death is not the end.  We will continue on.

"One school is finished, and the time has come for another to begin." - Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Victor Hugo observed,
"The nearer I approach the end, the plainer I hear around me the immortal symphonies of the worlds which invite me. . . . For half a century I have been writing my thoughts in prose and verse; history. . . . I have tried all. But I feel I have not said a thousandth part of what is in me. When I go down to the grave, I can say, like so many others, 'I have finished my day’s work,' but I can not say, 'I have finished my life.' My day’s work will begin again the next morning. The tomb is not a blind alley; it is a thoroughfare. . . . My work is only beginning." 

-Alicia

"To Be Content" - Ponderize - Week 6

It was 4:00 and my husband still wasn't home from his meetings.  Sundays are very long for him so I thought it would be nice if he came back to a quiet house and took a moment to rest.  Besides, I couldn't resist a nice autumn stroll for a Sabbath evening. "Let's go walk around campus you guys.  Who wants to come?"  All of the kids jumped right up and eagerly grabbed their shoes and jackets.

We passed the duck pond and made our way to the stairs.  My 14-yr-old son and I chatted as we walked arm in arm and I laid my head on his shoulder. "Don't you think ducks are funny?  I mean, God must have a really great sense of humor.  The way ducks walk is one thing but listen to them when they quack.  Doesn't it sound like they're all sitting around cracking jokes?"
Chandler listened as another duck erupted into wild silly laughter.  He looked down at me and smiled with a nod of agreement.

We reached the top of the hill and my children bolted in two different directions. The younger three wanted to climb on the white fan-like concrete Tree of Wisdom, while my oldest sauntered off to have some time alone.  I sat on the steps of the Science building where I could catch the last rays of warm sunlight before it slipped beneath the horizon.  I could see my children playing in the distance.  I picked up my scriptures I had brought along with me and began to turn the pages.

My mind was in another place as I drifted off in thought, "It's hard to believe we've lived here for seven-and-a-half years.  We've never lived anywhere longer than two.  I love this beautiful place.  How many times have I taken the children to play on this campus just to be a little closer to Joseph while he studied?  It has been the perfect playground for them.  Where does the time go? They've all practically grown up here.  I love the feeling that resides in this place and all the experiences we've shared as a family on this campus.  We've learned so much.  Through my husband's schooling, we learned to live on very little but it never felt small.  So often Joseph would worry about our circumstances and I'd reassure him "Honey, I live better than a queen, we all live like royalty. Everything is wonderful."
  

I looked out again across the campus to where my children were still climbing.  I smiled and began to say a silent prayer of gratitude.  I glanced down at my opened scriptures again and thought "I'd better read while I still have a moment to myself."  Turning aimlessly through the pages of the New Testament my eyes fell on verse 13 of Philippians 4 (our family scripture) "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." I love this simple truth.  I know that through my Savior, I can and will make it through all things that are required of me.  My eyes scanned up to verse 11, "For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."  I stopped and thought about the word, "content." It seems to be such a peaceful word: No fear, no anxiety... no want.  I read the verse again, "For I have learned."  How ironic that my education has only just begun here and yet I feel I've already had some wonderful life-lessons.  "I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." 

Contentment is so closely tied to gratitude.  It is truly the key to peace.  I pondered some more.  "Have I truly learned to be content? No, there are still things I want that I may never obtain... and no matter how I try to suppress them, the desires remain like a lingering hunger."
I read verse 12  -"I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need."  I am certain this hunger I struggle with won't last forever.  I trust that if I'm patient the Lord will fill the void as I continue to learn the principles of gratitude and contentment.  Being thankful is really the key.

My eyes moved up the page to verses 6&7; "Be careful for nothing [or don't be excessively concerned about anything, don't worry]; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding shall keep [hold together] your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." 
Again I read the words "supplication with thanksgiving."
It sounded like an oxymoron, to beg but at the same time be grateful.
I guess in my mind I assume that if I'm grateful then I won't ask for anything.  It must mean that our hearts are thankful for the ability to take our crys and longings to the One who is fit to carry us through them.  After all, it is "Christ which strengtheneth" us.

How can I be strong in this?
Psalm 23 began to play in my head and I could hear the Tabernacle Choir sing, "My Shepherd will supply my need.  Jehovah is His name."  As I imagined myself joining the alto section full of heart and soul. I glanced across the column to verse 19, "God shall supply all your need...." Perfect. Just perfect.  I love it when thoughts and scripture sync like that.

I said another silent prayer.  The sun had set and I began to shiver from the cold.
I picked up my scriptures and called for my children.  As I headed back home and took in the sights around me, I pondered again, "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."  I know I haven't fully learned this yet.... but I'm getting there.  Eventually, I will get there... but I often need reminders.  So this is my verse for the week, sweet and simple.

-Alicia

P.S.
I found this in a talk today.  I love it because it fits perfectly with all that I've been thinking of.  I am so richly blessed. God is generous and good.  I have right here and now far more than I deserve.

"Isn’t it ironic... that we will often travel many miles to see the wonders of nature or the creations of man, but yet ignore the beauty in our own backyard?

It is human nature, I suppose, to seek elsewhere for our happiness. Pursuit of career goals, wealth, and material rewards can cloud our perspective and often leads to a lack of appreciation for the bounteous blessings of our present circumstances.

It is precarious to dwell on why we have not been given more. It is, however, beneficial and humbling to dwell on why we have been given so much.

An old proverb states, 'The greater wealth is contentment with a little.'"

 - Elder Stephen E. Snow - 2001

The Soul of Man Has Been Given Wings

When my oldest son was around one year old, I decided to read the book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull. It's a short read but teaches an eternal lesson about our individual worth and the power of desire and faith.  Every time I think of the soul of man flying, I remember this book and the parable of the seagull who learned to rise above his fears, his circumstances, his limitations, his sorrow, and explore a world of new and endless possiblities.

"Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly."

(Richard Bach - Jonathan Livingston Seagull)

This "way to fly" facinates me.  It is built into our spiritual DNA, it's what we're born to do.  We are not creatures of this world... We're only "strangers passing through." (1 Chronicles 29:15)  Our real home is heaven. (Hebrews 13:14)  We must lift our eyes to who we really are and who we really will be. (Jacob 4:13).

No matter how dark this world ever  becomes or the struggles we might be called to face in the future, I pray we will never lose hope.  God is aware of us, He hears our prayers and every ache we can't express.  He pours out His Grace & His words like rain in a dessert land, and will safely guide us through.  All will be well.  No matter what happens or how our lives unfold, whether it is what we expect or not, there is a bright and gloriously happy future ahead. We can trust this!

To all of those I love,

"...Can you hear me? 

Wherever you are look up... 

The clouds are lifting.  

The sun is breaking through.

We are coming out of the darkness and into the light.  

We are coming into a new world, a kindly world, 

Where men will rise above their hate, their greed, and brutality.

Look up... 

The soul of man has been given wings 

and at last he is begining to fly!  

He is flying into the rainbow, into the Light of hope, 

Into the future, the glorious future 

That belongs to you, to me, and to all of us!  

Look up... look up!"

- (Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator)

Keep your eyes open and fixed on God above, on the Light of hope. If we are constantly  striving to love as He loves, to learn of Him, to learn meekness... then our heavenly home will be as close as we believe it to be.

Always remember,
"To fly as fast as thought, to anywhere that is, you must begin by knowing that you have already arrived."

- (Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull)

-Alicia

Using Words

"Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words." 

A sister shared this quote in Sacrament Meeting today.  I've heard it many times before and It always strikes me deep.  I often worry that I'm one of those who talks too much.  I certainly feel like I have plenty of room for improvement in the "practice what I preach" arena.  Admittedly, whenever I hear this quote, I feel to step back, examine myself more fully, and think, "Man, I really need to train myself to shut my mouth."

However, I don't think this quote means that words aren't necessary.  Take a look at 2 Nephi 25:26, where the Prophet Nephi says we are to talk, rejoice, preach, prophesy, and write of Christ.  All of these connote the use of words.

Elder Holland also expounds upon the importance of words: "In his deeply moving final testimony, Nephi calls us to “follow the Son [of God], with full purpose of heart,” promising that “after ye have … received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, [ye] can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels. … And … how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost? Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ.”  Indeed, Christ was and is “the Word,” according to John the Beloved,  full of grace and truth, full of mercy and compassion." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (The Tongue of Angels) (2 Nephi 31:13–14; 32:2–3) 

Clearly we see the necessity of words -  it is through their power that heaven and earth are bound together, through words that we commune with God, call down angels, and connect with each other.  But just as we are merely dust without our Father in Heaven, our words are also useless and hollow if our hearts are not sincere.

Paul taught, "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1,2

It is only when love, pure Christ-like love, is our moving and motivating force that our words have any power.  And what is Christ-like love?  It is certainly more than lip service. Jesus said, "If you love me, keep my commandments."

"Spiritually mature obedience is 'the Savior’s obedience.' It is motivated by true love for Heavenly Father and His Son. When we willingly obey, as our Savior did, we cherish the words of our Heavenly Father." - Elder Robert D. Hales - April 2014

The Savior's obedience is motivated by true love for our Father - which ultimately means His love was displayed by sacrifice.

When we sincerely love, honor, and cherish God's word, we will feel the necessity to preach the Gospel at all times, we willingly sacrifice... and what we say will be every bit a part of what we do.

I pray that the Lord will strengthen me to be a better witness of Him.

-Alicia

The Proof of Your Love

(For King and Country)

If I sing but don't have love

I waste my breath with every song

I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise

If I speak with a silver tongue

Convince a crowd but don't have love

I leave a bitter taste with every word I say

So let my life be the proof,

The proof of your love

Let my love look like You and what You're made of

How You lived, how You died

Love is sacrifice

So let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

If I give

To a needy soul but don't have love then who is poor?

It seems all the poverty is found in me

So let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

Let my love look like You and what You're made of

How You lived, how You died

Love is sacrifice

Oh, let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

When it's all said and done

When we sing our final song

Only love remains

Only love remains

Let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

Let my love look like You and what You're made of

How You lived, how You died

Love is sacrifice

So let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

"Citius! Altius! Fortius!"

Chills ran through me from head to toe as I listened to the three-hundred-sixty voice choir accompanied by the Utah Symphony Orchestra perform Call of the Champions - "Faster! Higher! Stronger!"  What an incredible experience it was to have the world gather in my own back yard for the Winter Olympics!  It's hard to believe that was 13-and-a-half years ago. The fanfare composed for the 2002 opening ceremony still inspires me every time I hear it.

"Faster! Higher! Stronger!" has been the official Olympic motto since 1924.  It reminds me of a motto one of my good friends, Scott Woodward, came up with when we were in college, "Up Only!"  Scott was such a great example to me of what it meant to always seek to spiritually better ourselves.  That was the direction he sought for in his life then and he continues to keep his eyes fixed heavenward today.

Many years ago, I remember someone saying, "If you reach for the stars, you may not get one but you won't get a handful of mud either."  I've never forgotten that.

This is a church with extremely high standards and some may find reason to criticise us for it.  But look at the standards one must follow to become a great athlete or even an Olympian. It is rigorous, tedious, "try and fail and try again" training!! Just because we may feel inadequate, unqualified, or that the workload exceeds our strength, doesn't mean we should throw in the towel.  Miraculous things always happen when we continue to put forth our best efforts and trust in the grace of the Lord.

Bonnie L. Oscarson, the Young Women's General President encouraged us this last General Conference when she said, "Heavenly Father has a mission and plan for each of us, but He also has His own timetable. One of the hardest challenges in this life is to have faith in the Lord’s timing. It’s a good idea to have an alternative plan in mind, which helps us to be covenant-keeping, charitable, and righteous women who build the kingdom of God no matter which way our lives go. We need to teach our daughters to aim for the ideal but plan for contingencies." 

 I love that, "Aim for the ideal but plan for contingencies." It sounds like the quote about reaching for the stars.  Spiritually, I am so far from the ideal- from being the kind of mother, wife, friend, and sister God intends me to become.  I take comfort knowing that my Father in Heaven doesn't expect me to be perfect but he does expect the "perfect effort."

"It's not about perfect.  It's about effort.  And when you implement that effort into your life... every single day, that's where transformation happens.  That's how change occurs.  Keep going.  Remember why you started." – Coach Ladouceur (De La Salle - Spartans)

Elder Richard G. Scott also gave a wonderful talk in Oct. 2003 where he said, "With all my capacity I encourage you to discover who you really are. I invite you to look beyond the daily routine of life. I urge you to discern through the Spirit your divinely given capacities. I exhort you to prayerfully make worthy choices that will lead you to realize your full potential....To share truth in difficult circumstances is to treasure it more. When you push against the boundaries of experience into the twilight of the unknown, the Lord will strengthen you. The beauty of your eternal soul will begin to unfold." 

And so...  to strive for and realize our full potential, we never settle. Just as the text of the beautiful hymn pleads, "More Holiness Give Me," we must always maintain this prayer in our hearts, a constant striving to be more than who we are right now.  This is what it means to be champions on our Savior's team.  No matter how hard things get, no matter the beatings we might take, we know how the story ends, we've read "the book," we can go forward with confidence (we may be bloodied, scarred, and bruised) but we can press forward with our heads held high because we're on the Lord's winning side.

"Never has the Church climbed higher, moved swifter, or been stronger to accomplish its mission. Now is the time for all of us to reach upward and move onward. In God’s work we too must be swifter, working with greater urgency; higher, striving for lofty spiritual goals; and stronger, relying on God’s strength. It can happen to you."- President James E. Faust - April 2002

We are destined for far greater things than we could have ever imagined when we set foot in this arena called life.  We are born to be champions!  And by the grace of our Savior and the faith to call down heaven, we can accomplish anything!

-Alicia

Diving Deep

We spent most of Labor Day kayaking and paddle-boarding with my best friend and her family near the north part of Utah Lake.  We had a blast!

Now, anyone who is familiar with this lake knows exactly how shallow it is. The average depth is 9ft and doesn't exceed 14.  (This year I was told it hasn't exceeded 12ft.) From certain vantage points it looks full and beautiful but when a person enters into its waters they soon realize it doesn't take much to stir up heaps of sludgy mud.  The lack of depth also reveals its vulnerability, how close the lake is to evaporating into an empty crusty bed.  In fact, nearly half of the lake 41% dries up every year.

 Since our little one-day vacation, the word "shallow" has been on my mind.  This is the word I would choose to describe the superficial life, one that is nothing but "an act," "a show" used to hide what's really underneath. Like the lake, it's the life that has all the appearance of refreshing beauty but is really mostly mud.

It's easy to recognize this kind of facade among the Hollywood stars of today.  But I think since the invention of the Internet, YouTube, and social media, almost anyone can "make themselves a star."  And just like the actors on the silver screen,  for fear or hope of everyone watching, we all become tempted to "keep up our own appearances."  In today's world we don't need street corners to sound our trumpets...  We just need a screen with Internet access.

I think this is why I sometimes struggle to know what to write here.  Of course, I'm not saying in order for people to be real or to show depth, that they need to go onto social media and air all their dirty laundry, or show all their worst sides.  There are somethings I've shared or started to share on my blog but have then decided it's a little too personal and so I'll archive it into my off-site journal.

I guess what I'm getting at is this; I don't care the size of the audience, if there's an audience at all, it's easy to fall into a trap of "appearances" of keeping "one eye in the mirror."  - bragging or boasting, attempting to paint a self-portrait that shows me better than I really am, or understanding more about the Gospel, about motherhood, or just life in general than I really do.

Of course, the Lord doesn't want me to hide my faith under a bushel. (D&C 60:2, Matt 5:15-16) He has commanded me to make this known but it must be done with the sole concern that "God is my audience."  Anything else is vanity.

Elder Robert D. Hales warned, "We make poor and irrational decisions if we are motivated by fear: fear of man, fear of not being popular, fear of failure, fear of public opinion.

As Saul said to Samuel, 'I have sinned: for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord, and thy words: because I feared the people, and obeyed their voice.' (1 Sam. 15:24)" - Robert D. Hales 1988 "Making Righteous Choices at the Crossroads of Life"  

Saul's sin was not so much in what he did but what he feared.  Keep in mind, it was the fear of other's opinions that caused people to reject the Tree of Life.  (1 Nephi 8:27, 28,  1 Nephi 11:36)  A perfect illustration of  what it looks like to sell the sacred.

So I've been praying lately that the Lord will help me understand my own heart.  I'm diving deep to really analyze my own motives.  Do I have even an ounce of "the fear of man?"  I suppose that some of the finest souls who have ever lived, at one point or another, have struggled with the "fear of man.".  Moroni, the great Book of Mormon prophet, is an example;  He worried about what people would say or think of his weakness.  The Lord's gentle rebuke to this was, "Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness" (Ether 12:26)  

"His grace is sufficient" means to me that I don't need anything else, I don't need to be accepted or understood, or "approved of" by anyone but Him.  Being Christ-Centered brings so much peace and allows living water to flow freely into my soul, to expand its depth and lose the risk of being unsustainable and shallow.  I'm so far from where I want to be but I take comfort the Lord knows my name, He knows my heart.... and that's all that really matters.

-Alicia

Loss of Words In a Place I Can't See

 I can't describe the place I am in at this time.  I've had so many unexpected and strange experiences happen to me over the last couple of years . These experiences have stirred up a host of questions in my mind. The Lord has given me glimpses of things pertaining to my life. He has opened  the windows of Heaven in miraculous ways but I don't know what it all means or how it will all come together.

I feel like I'm in the dark. It's not the kind of dark that comes from wrong doing or the influence of the adversary.   No, it's not anything like that.  I know the Lord is with me but I just can't see a thing right now and it's hard to make sense of much when you can't see.

I went to a funeral today for a wonderful friend, Lloyd Baker. He was a good man who touched the lives of so many.  He had been quoted as saying, "When I go to heaven, I'm going to find the line that says, 'If you have questions, stand here.'"

I think I'll join my friend in that line.  I have so many to ask... not doctrinal questions but directional. Was the whole purpose of these particular things just to test me?  Was it all solely given for me to prove what I would do? It's a puzzle!

 I can't help but think the Lord won't reveal or answer them until my life is over.  I am sure then, I'll finally be able to see the bigger picture.

-Alicia

I Will Rest In You - Mindy Gledhill

Lord I´m in the dark

Seems to me the line

is dead when I come calling

No one there, the sky is falling

Lord I need to know

My mind is playing games again

You´re right where you have always been

Take me back to you

The place that I once knew

As a little child

Constantly the eyes of

God watched over me

Oh, I want to be

In the place that I once knew

As a little child

Fall into the bed of faith

prepared for me

I will rest in you

I wiil rest in you

I will rest in you

Tell me I´m a fool

Tell me that you love

me for the fool I am

And comfort me

like only you can

Tell me there´s a place

Where I can feel your breath

Like sweet caresses

on my face again

Take me back to you

the place that I once knew

As a little child

Constantly the eyes of

God watched over me

Oh, I want to be

In the place that I once knew

As a little child

Fall into the bed of faith

prepared for me

I will rest in you

I will rest in you

Í will rest in you

The Vain Things of This World

A young women shared on Facebook the other day that she had just finished writing in her eighth journal.  It inspired me to be more diligent with my own writing. I wish with all my heart that I could say I recorded as much as she did when I was in high school.  (Honestly though, the stuff I wrote at that age is pretty embarrassing to say the least... so maybe it's for the better.) ;)

After I was married, I kept more of a consistent record.   The other night out of curiosity, I pulled a couple of my old journals off the shelf and spent an hour reading.  I feel grateful for what I have written but still wish I had recorded more .  While flipping through the pages, I stumbled across this entry about a dream I had in July of 2009.  It caught my eye because I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately and how they work in our lives.  I've only had a handful of them through the years that have left a deep enough impression on me to capture them with my journal or retell them.  I'm so thankful I wrote this one down because I forgot all about it.

I've been thinking about the interpretation of this one all day.  I believe there's a powerful lesson to be learned from it and I take it like a warning to me as a daughter of Zion, just as the scripture found in Isaiah 3:16-24 proclaims.

...........

7-13-2009
I had a strange dream last night.  I was looking around at a yard sale and found a old-fashioned vanity.  It was slightly taller than me, with cabinet doors that opened to a large mirror on the inside.  Make-up and perfume stacked in painted fancy bottles were arranged on the shelves and in the drawers. I gazed into the mirror at my reflection and to my horror watched it begin to age very rapidly and then crumble to dust.  I turned away in disbelief, shaking my head at what I just saw.  I looked back at my appearance in the mirror just to be certain I didn't imagine it.  Again the horrible reflection aged within seconds and then crumbled to dust.  "What is going on?!  I thought, "This vanity is evil!"  

There were other women at the yard sale.  I ran to some of them and asked if they would come and look at this and tell me if they saw the same thing.  The small crowd of women gathered around as I opened the cabinet doors to show them the mirror inside.  Sure enough, as I looked at my reflection, it crumbled again from rapid aging into dust.  
"Did you see that?! Did you see what happened to my reflection?!"  I said, pointing to the glass. 
The women standing around me answered, "No, we didn't see anything strange." They all agreed with each other, "Yeah, nothing happened, it was just a normal reflection."  
They all walked away irritated and gossiped among themselves that there was something wrong with me.  I stood there alone by the vanity and found a looking glass faced-down on the table among the perfume and bottles.  I wondered as I picked it up if it would do the same thing.  When I turned it toward me, I witnessed my image decay again.  Disgusted and utterly terrified, I threw the looking glass down on the ground like it was some sort of poisonous spider, "It's pure evil!!" I shouted.  I awoke in a panic until I realized I had only been dreaming.  I took a deep breath and tried to get back to sleep but couldn't help but think of all that happened.  I thought to myself that there must be a moral to learn from it.

As I lay there pondering, I remembered some counsel in my patriarchal blessing; 

"Now when you leave this life, you leave the vain things of this world, Alicia.  But there are many things that you won't leave - you'll take them with you and they'll become your eternal possession.  It's like storing up your treasures in heaven where moth nor rust doth decay.  You'll take all of the personality. You'll take all of the truth.  You'll take all of the knowledge.  You'll take all of the character. You'll take all of the virtue and the understanding of these sacred things and your sacred relationship with God and His Son, Jesus Christ."  

I thought about the words "leave the vain things of this world".  Vain means "hollow, pointless, no purpose."  It's interesting that it was a "vanity" in my dream.

...........

Reading this entry reminded me of a fireside I attended in college at the Salt Lake Tabernacle.  I can't remember who spoke but I remember them saying that our physical appearance, no matter who we are will reach a peak and then go downhill.  There is no investment of time or money, wardrobes, makeovers, fashion consultants, work out routines or diet, that will stop our physical bodies from deteriorating.  Yes, some things may slow the process down but eventually we will all turn to dust.  On the other hand, our spirit, the substance of who we really are doesn't have a limit of beauty.  There's no peak that it reaches before it begins to drop out.  Our soul will never grow old and actually has the potential to grow more beautiful and bright with every passing day, long after this life is over and into eternity.  It cannot be faked or worn as a mask.  It has nothing to do with appearances or the outward show.  It's all about the sincere focus of the heart.

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:  But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light." - Matthew 6:19-22

I pray the Lord will help me recognize when I am getting caught up in the vain things of this world and save me from myself.  I pray I will learn to focus more on those things that matter most and lay up treasures in heaven.

-Alicia

Unlocking Our True Self

Sister Patricia Holland gave a wonderful talk in 1987 called, The Soul's Center.  She tells of a very real illness that is increasingly common umong women and asks:

“What are we doing to ourselves? Is this that female curse Isaiah spoke of in his prophecies? Is this some special last days’ dilemma into which we are entering and from which we may find it near-fatally difficult to withdraw?"

She then goes on to make some very telling observations of what may be the cause of this malady.

"I believe that as women we are becoming so concerned about having perfect figures, or straight A’s, or professional status, or even absolute motherly success, that we are being torn from our true selves. We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our own uniqueness, that full and relaxed acceptance of ourselves as a person of worth and individuality. Too many women watch helplessly as their lives unravel from the core that centers and sustains them. Too many are like a ship at sea without sail or rudder, tossed to and fro (as the Apostle Paul said) until more and more of us are genuinely, rail-grabbingly seasick.

I believe we can find it—the steady footing and the stilling of the soul—by turning away from the fragmentation of physical preoccupations (whether it be thin or fat) of superwoman careers or endless popularity contests and returning instead to the wholeness of our soul.

[Satan] knows that to truly find ourselves we must lose ourselves, so he begins to block our increased efforts to love—to love God, our neighbor, and ourselves. True charity takes us into the beauty...self-evaluation. To see ourselves as we really are often brings pain; but true humility, which comes from that process, is a godly virtue. We must be patient with ourselves as we overcome weaknesses and remember to rejoice over all that is good in us. This will strengthen the inner woman and leave her less dependent on outward acclaim. When the soul reaches the stage that it pays less attention to praise, it then cares very little when the public disapproves. These feelings of strength and the quiet triumph of faith carry us into an even brighter sphere. 

Sister Holland gives five keys to unlocking our souls, our true selves, the Divine identity within us.  Each key opens up access to the next key and are as follows.

1st - Sincere Prayer
2nd - Scripture Study (combined with sincere prayer, provides us with revelation)
3rd - True Charity
4th- Self-Evaluation /humility (losing ourselves)
5th - Lifting the veil

As we reach through the veil
"we have our chance to meet God face-to-face. For those who, like the brother of Jared, have the courage and faith to break through the veil into that sacred center of existence, we will find the brightness of the final box brighter than the noonday sun. There we will find peace and serenity and a stillness that will anchor our soul forever, for there we will find God.

Wholeness. Holiness. That is what it says over the entrance to the fifth box. Holiness to the Lord. 'Know ye not that ye are the temple of God?' (1 Corinthians 3:16). I testify that you are holy, that just by being born, divinity is abiding within you, waiting to be uncovered—to be reborn. God bless you in your search for the sacred center of your soul" 

(The Soul's Center by, Patricia Holland- BYU Devotional 1987)

I love this talk.  Sister Holland nails it!  She understands what it means to have a soul centered on Christ.  It is here in this simple uncomplicated pattern of keys that frees us from the need to be noticed or the race to be recognized.  Women who follow this course know and understand their true identity.  They are settled and at peace even in the middle of the storms surrounding them.  These are women who truly trust in God's love, His grace, His commandments, and His covenants.  Their lives become less of a "balancing act" because there is only One they need to please and He is at the center of their heart.

-Alicia

If I Could...

"And it came to pass when Jesus had said these words, he spake unto his disciples, one by one, saying unto them: What is it that ye desire of me, after that I am gone to the Father?
 And they sorrowed in their hearts, for they durst not speak unto Him the thing which they desired.  And He said unto them, behold I know your thoughts... for ye have desired that ye might bring the souls of men unto Me, while the world shall stand."- 3 Ne. 28:1,5,6,9

What would I wish for if I were given the same opportunity?

Alma prayed, "O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!" - Alma 29:1

His companion, Amulek, desired to "stretch forth [his] hands, and exercise the power of God... when [he] saw the pains of the women and children" and he wished to "save them from the flames." - Alma 14:10 

The Lord surely must smile upon the righteous intents of each of these men's hearts. They didn't have their prayers answered the same yet they all had similar desires, to minister in miraculous ways.  They all wanted greatly to answer the cries of the people, and bring souls unto the healing, gentle Christ.

It is one of Heaven's transcendent gifts, to "bear one another's burdens" to "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort."  Mosiah 18:8-9 This is the way of the Savior.  These principles are solidified into the very core of His Divine character.  He changed the world and continues to do so... "one by one."  Master of the Universe, Creator of us all, there is nothing too hard for Him!

In and of myself, I am no good and could be of no help to anyone... but through Him, through His influence, power, and infinite grace, I believe I can change the world too... one by one.  This is my desire.  This is what I wish for more than anything else.

-Alicia