Red Hot Chili Peppers

It was one of those family home evening lessons desperately thrown together at the extreme last second. (Most of my FHE lessons are like that.) I actually had the idea ten minutes before 6pm last night while racing through Rancho Market's produce section, grabbing ingredients for my other "desperately thrown together" dinner--fajitas. I saw the cute little tiny orange habenero peppers and thought, "How perfect!" I bought one.  It was all I needed.

No, I didn't put the habenero into the fajitas. My plan was to use it for an object lesson about James3:6, "The tongue is a fire..."  (You can see where I'm going with this.)

We read the scripture and watched two videos that had to do with fire: One where the fire was terribly destructive and out of control and the other, a nice cozy hearth with warm glowing flames safely in a fireplace. We asked the kids to tell us why James would describe the tongue as a fire and they all gave some great answers.

Then came the best part... I pulled the habenero out of a bag and challenged the kids to eat pieces of it. (Now, I can handle pretty spicy stuff but even I didn't realize how hot this little guy was going to be.)  Kaylee thought it was one of those mini bell peppers that are often served with veggie trays and wanted to eat the entire thing. I still only gave her a small piece and she quickly ate it. A split-second later, all of the kids were in the kitchen screaming and downing gallons of water... (um... something that should never be done after eating a pepper that hot).

The screaming grew louder and more panicked as the kids couldn't figure out how to stop the burning. Kaylee was completely hysterical and could hardly stand on two feet as she withered and writhed dramatically on the floor in agony, cursing me for what I had done.  I seriously didn't think it would be so bad.

I began passing out coconut oil for the outsides of their faces and bowls of ice cream to sooth their tongues. They all got double servings of ice cream, which I felt was a plus.  The bonus dessert didn't matter in their eyes. No amount of refreshments would stop them from feeling betrayed.

To make matters worse, I couldn't stop laughing.  And when they had all finally settled down, I remarked, "At least one thing is for certain.  You'll never forget this FHE lesson!" They all smiled with agreement.

This little experience only reaffirms in my mind that some of the best things in life are unplanned, desperately thrown together, and completely last minute.

-Alicia
Hey oh!

Builders

"Let us do our work as well,

Both the unseen and the seen;

Make the house, where Gods may dwell,

Beautiful, entire, and clean."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

My foster daughter has shown quite a bit of improvement this past week.  She has had less melt-downs and less hitting.  She has been more compliant and has been communicating more politely with full and complete sentences.  She has even been letting me potty-train her (something she resisted with vengeance a few weeks ago). With the melt-downs fewer and farther between, our house has seemed more peaceful and the tension in all my children has decreased.

My foster daughter put together these blocks and said with excitement, "I'm building Alicia's house".  (I can't show the photo of her face but imagine an extremely proud grin.)  I'm sure in her mind, it was just simple play. but I like this picture because this is a good reminder to me to build my house right.

Over the holidays, we visited two of my husband's sister's homes.  My foster son was in complete awe of how huge their homes were.  He said a few things to them that made us uncomfortable. As we drove back to our place he kept making comments about how rich Joseph's sisters must be.
I leaned back over the driver's seat and said, "They do have very nice houses don't they? But that's not what makes their place a great place to live.  They are rich in much more important ways."
He stopped to consider what I meant.
I continued, "A house is made of brick and stone but a home is made of love alone."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.
"Listen again. What do you think it's supposed to mean? 'A house is made of brick and stone but a home is made of love alone.'"
"I don't get it." My foster son huffed.
"It means that you could have the richest, most biggest house on the block, and it will be absolutely worthless if there is no love felt inside that home.  It also means that 'home' is more of a feeling, than an actual place."
He continued to reflect on my words but didn't say anymore.

In my short experience of being a foster mom, there is one principle of practice that keeps coming back to my mind: "to build-up"... to build each soul that lives here.  I'm learning how important it is to recognize the smallest accomplishments, to praise each person for their efforts (even if they don't meet my expectations and especially when I don't feel like offering praise). What kind of house am I building?  What feelings reside within these walls and am I making it the place where there is enough love for Gods and angels to dwell?

"For the structure that we raise,

Time is with materials filled;

Our to-days and yesterdays

Are the blocks with which we build.

Truly shape and fashion these;

Leave no yawning gaps between;

Think not, because no man sees,

Such things will remain unseen.

In the elder days of Art,

Builders wrought with greatest care

Each minute and unseen part;

For the Gods see everywhere."

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

-Alicia

Throw-back Thursday - Word Choice

I wrote this poem about controlling our words nine years ago... before I had a teenage son who likes to test me to the very max and has a tongue that can talk anyone into circles.  How he does it? I do not know.  Sometimes, I get discouraged because I honestly have no clue how to change certain frustrating behaviors in any of my children.  As a parent, it's hard not to feel the blame when they are terribly mean to each other or behave inappropriately--for there must have been some teaching moment I missed, some consequence I never followed through with to cause them to think such behavior is okay.

For me, the tongue is the hardest thing to control, especially as a mother.  I'm guilty of saying things I swore I'd never say to my kids like, "What's the matter with you?" "This is lazy work." "Stop being such a jerk to her." "If you go out like that, you'll look like a slob."  (Before I embarrass myself much more, you get the idea.)  It's just not the kind of language I'm proud of.  It's hurtful and it never helps the situation. Being a mom is extremely humbling because I'm pretty good at talking the talk but there are just some areas I really need to walk the walk.

Even though I'm not perfect at this, I still believe the words in my old poem are absolutely true. Pray for charity and then...  Practice. Practice. Practice.... and practice some more.

Compared to the ship itself,

The helm is rather small;

But it’s the helm that turns the ship

And guides it though it all:

So this is with our tongue,

This tiny little member-

Can blaze destruction like a fire

From the smallest of an ember.

If one gives a blessing,

And then they turn to curse another:

Sings praises to our God above

But loathes and hates his brother…

Which master do they follow?

What are the seeds then sown?

Discern the works of righteousness,

By their fruits they shall be known.

If something does not edify

And encourage greater love,

How can it truly be of God-

Or claim wisdom from above?

If I preach great words of knowledge

And have the gift of prophecy

My words become as sounding brass

If I am void of charity.

Let us then control our tongues

Of speaking ill of others,

And rid our hearts of prejudice

Or fighting with our brothers.

Let us follow Jesus Christ.

Let us pray for charity-

Pray for strength over the flesh

And walk more peaceably.

Through His grace may we strive

To focus on the good

And never tear another down

Let us do as Jesus would.

-Alicia Rawlins 2007

(Luke 5:44. John 13:34, 35. 1 Corinthians 2:9-14. 1 Corinthians 13:1-4. Galatians 5:16-26. Ephesians 4:29. James 3:3-17.)

Hope, Love of God, and Love of Others - Ponderize - Week 52

We watched the Presidential Debate tonight as a family.  I don't favor either side and to be honest, I don't really like the two party system--I really don't think our founding fathers meant for us to have only two parties.

Anyway, something about watching this tonight gave me the same sinking feeling as I did watching the live coverage of the attacks on 9/11--It left my spirit feeling exhausted and sore. Name-calling, speaking over each other, and interrupting, are such terrible and useless ways of communication--it's not only ugly and immature but it spreads anger and hatred like a blazing wild fire.

The moderator asks both candidates what the biggest issue is facing America.  If you were to ask me what it is, I would NOT say it's economic, international relationships, equal rights, or any of the main things we hear.  I would say that our biggest threat to our nation is the incivility, increased meanness, and unrepentant contention being displayed on the internet, social media, in our schools, and in our streets.

Elder Oaks said the following at a convention last year, " We all lose when an atmosphere of anger or hostility or contention prevails,” he said.  “We all lose when we cannot debate public policies without resorting to boycotts, firings, and intimidation of our adversaries.”

I keep thinking of Avenger's Civil War and how the enemy's plan was to destroy the Avengers by tearing them apart from the inside-out, to turn good people on each other, and just let them destroy themselves. I feel like that's what is going to happen to us as Americans if we do not watch ourselves.

Right after the presidential arguing was over, we had a short Family Home Evening lesson in preparation for this weekend where we'll get to listen to Prophets and Apostles of God speak.  It was such a nice contrast to turn off the debate and redirect our conversation towards the things we loved from last General Conference and what we are looking forward to with this one.  There was an immediate difference in the atmosphere as we focused on true doctrine.

I'm grateful for the message Elder Oaks gave at BYU a few weeks ago entitled, Elections, Hope and Freedom.  I've listened to his talk several times now.  This next portion is what I feel like focusing on for my scripture to ponder this week.

"In the distressing circumstances that surround us, we must trust in God and His promises, and hold fast to the vital gospel teaching of hope.  The prophet, Nephi, taught that we must "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God, and of all men"(*)... Hope is a characteristic Christian virtue;  I am glad to practice it and to recommend it to counter all current despair.  Hope based on trust in the Lord and His promises has sustained me through all the circumstances of my life." - Elder Dallin H. Oaks


-Alicia

To Rhetor Or Not To Rhetor...

A Rhetor is the voice or the orator, either with written or spoken word.  As I learn the qualities and characteristics of a good rhetor, it's incredibly easy for me to feel completely inadequate, especially because of my lack of vocabulary, poor grammar, and my  sub-par knowledge about life in general.  But thankfully, in the gospel setting, the Lord's criteria doesn't require that I have a quick wit or a brilliant mind.  What He wants is a willing mind and someone quick to obey.   It's comforting to me that He has used ordinary and un-learned people all through time.  So, I know He can use me.

This morning in my scripture study I centered my focus on these scriptures.  They make a good follow-up to my day yesterday.  I'm so thankful for truth!
-Alicia

"And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.
And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man’s mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord?
Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say." 
- Exodus 4:10-12

"Then said I, Ah, Lord God! behold, I cannot speak: for I am a child.
But the Lord said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak." 
-Jeremiah 1:6,7

The Lord God hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: he wakeneth morning by morning, he wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned." 
-Isaiah 50:4

"But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.
For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you."
-Matt 10:19-20

"And they were not able to resist the wisdom and the spirit by which he spake." 
-Acts 6:10

"Settle it therefore in your hearts, not to meditate before what ye shall answer:

For I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to gainsay nor resist."
-Luke 21: 14,15

Talk for the day - by, Marcus B. Nash

Out of Weakness He Shall Be Made Strong

Bullet Proof - Ponderize - Week 47

Tonight, we had a family lesson on the story of Moses when he spoke with God face to face, when he experienced the glory of heaven and witnessed the vast expanse of the Lord's creations.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland expounds, "What happened to Moses next, after his revelatory moment, would be ludicrous if it were not so dangerous and so absolutely true to form. In an effort to continue his opposition, in his unfailing effort to get his licks in later if not sooner, Lucifer appeared and shouted in equal portions of anger and petulance after God had revealed himself to the prophet, saying, 'Moses, worship me.' But Moses was not having it. He had just seen the real thing, and by comparison this sort of performance was pretty dismal.

Moses looked upon Satan and said: 'Who art thou? . . . where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?
For behold, I could not look upon God, except his glory should come upon me. . . . But I can look upon thee in the natural man. . . .
. . . Where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God. . . .
Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not.' [Moses 1:13–16]" 

After discussing this story with our children, I thought of the power of Truth and reflected on the conversation I had with a friend this morning about the scriptures.  She pointed out the verse in Helaman 5:12 the verse that promises if we are built on the foundation of Christ "that when the devil shall send forth his ... shafts in the whirlwind... it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo."  (My friend admitted she didn't really know the word "shafts"  so she looked it up and discovered it meant weapons.) When she shared this, it made the verse even more significant, especially in connection with these other verses in the scriptures;

"No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper.... This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord." Isaiah 54:17

"For the Lord will go before you; and the God of Israel will [have your back]." - Isaiah 52:12

All I could think of was that with God we have the greatest power of the universe on our side and that we can actually be "bullet proof" to sniper attacks from the Adversary.

I wasn't there with Moses on the mountain to witness his encounters with heaven and hell.  Oh what an experience that would have been!  Just imagine the "casting out" scene when Moses calls upon the power of God to command Satan to leave. If I had been there, I probably would've liked to play a little song for the occasion remembering always Who has my back and Who makes me strong:

You shout it out,

But I can't hear a word you say

I'm talking loud, not saying much

I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet

Shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

Ricochet, you take your aim

Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

Cut me down

But it's you who'll have further to fall

Ghost town and haunted love

Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones

I'm talking loud not saying much

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

Ricochet, you take your aim

Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

- Alicia

Sanctify My Heart

I wrote this about a month ago and even shared it in church but I haven't posted it because I have felt so hypocritical.

Just days after speaking these words in testimony meeting, everything seemed to come to a head with our Landlady.  Communication with her has been strenuous for all of us.  She was difficult before her husband died but it seemed to increase 10-fold after his passing to the point my husband and I could hardly see her without feeling our entire bodies tense up.

Then when we received the notice we were being forced to move, I posted on our Relief Society page the situation we were facing with vented frustration.  Former tenants chimed in and gave their piece on her which helped me feel justified.

Not too many days after, my husband and I went to the temple together to pray for guidance where we should move.  But I couldn't seem to get much revelation in that area...instead, as we sat and prayed in the Celestial room, the warning from the Prophet James pressed upon my mind, "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”  I felt the Spirit rebuke me.  "Alicia, you just bore testimony of choosing your words to build and to lift others, to testify of Christ and then you allowed this thread you initiated on the Relief Society page to go on in smearing your Landlady.  These things should not be!!"  I felt horrible.  I plead and prayed for forgiveness.  When I returned home, I removed the post from the page and posted an apology.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to repent.  I'll keep trying.  I don't want to be someone who just talks the talk.  Slowly, ever so slowly, I pray that God will help me walk the walk.

-Alicia

..............
Testimony - July 3rd, 2016

I’ve been thinking about the air we breathe and how we are able to speak through our vocal cords by the air we draw into our lungs and breathe out.

In the book of Genesis, it gives an account of the creation of man and it says that God breathed into him “the breath of life”

Isn’t it amazing that we are constantly breathing all of the time without even thinking about it?!!   – It’s this breathing in oxygen that gives the blood cells in our veins life, which in turn, give life to our entire body.  So, not only could we not speak without the air we breathe but we could not even move or live.

 As a ward, this past week, we read the words of King Benjamin where he testifies that God is , “preserving [us] from day to day, by lending [us] breath, that [we] may live and move”

This has caused me to truly ponder on the power of our words, the things we choose to speak and to say.  It is a sacred thing God has given us.  After all, it is by the power of words that worlds without number and galaxies were created!

In our ward scripture reading we also read where Abinidi courageously stood in the king’s court and bore witness of the ten commandments, one of them being, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

Alma who was awakened and inspired by Abinidi’s bold testimony and martyrdom then risks his own life to speak up and share the truth, to inspire others to covenant that they will “stand as a witness of God at all times, in all things, and in all places, even unto death.”

What do we do with this breath we are given?   

The Prophet James counsels, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”
Jesus taught that what comes out of our mouths is what defiles us.

Even the prophet Isaiah recognized that he needed to clean up his language when he had a vision of the temple, when he stood within the overwhelming power and presence of God, he repents and cries, “Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips”

This life isn’t about being perfect.  It’s about practice and learning.  And if the great prophet Isaiah recognized that the words he spoke needed some cleaning up, I’m sure we could all benefit from some purging and refining.

I’m grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who grants me daily breath and gives life to my blood, which gives me the ability to live and breathe and move and speak.

What do I do with the air I breathe?  What are the things I choose to say and how carefully do I choose my actions?

Today, I choose to use the air I breathe to thank my Father in Heaven, to speak and act in defense of the family, of marriage, and religious liberty whatever the cost!  I choose to use it to build the souls around me and never tear them down, demean or belittle another.  I choose to use the air I breath to bear testimony of the Savior and His Atonement and this His true Gospel.  I know He lives and He loves us far greater than we could ever comprehend.  His words have saved me.  Time and time again throughout my life, I have used my words to cry out in prayer and I have sought His words through the scriptures and whisperings of the Spirit.  I have come to know an inner peace and a deep love that is available to me wherever I go, that cannot be removed or taken from me.  What a magnificent gift that by our words and by His, we have the power to call down heaven.  I know this without any doubt.

-Alicia

More Than Words - Ponderize - Week 38

Man, time just doesn't stop for anyone, does it!  This week will be over before I know it.  I guess half a week to ponderize is better than none.  Honestly, I've been thinking quite a bit which scripture would be best but can't seem to decide on one.

I've been focusing on the part of Christ's Sermon on the Mount where He says, "Blessed are the peacemakers."  This is something I want for my home.  I want my kids to learn to communicate well with each other, to avoid whiny remarks or personal jabs that fuel contention.

  It's been said that the mother is the one who often sets the tone so I'm trying to be more conscious, more careful of the words I choose and any tension in my voice.  I can see an improved difference when I take the time to really think about my responses especially when trying to break up a fight between the kids.  I've been praying specifically that the Spirit will help me slow down and think more before I react.  Practice. Practice. Practice.

I've also had this goal to memorize the Sacrament prayers and they've caused me to think about what I am doing to "always have His Spirit to be with me."

 I know that if I want to be a peacemaker, having the Spirit truly is key.  I love the verse I read this morning and maybe this can be the one I ponderize for the rest of the week...

"Do ye not remember that I said unto you that after ye had received the Holy Ghost ye could speak with the tongue of angels?  And now, how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost:  Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ." - 2 Nephi 32:3

That's the language I want to learn to speak.... the language of angels.

-Alicia

"You can heal the heartache

Speak over the fear

God, Your voice is the only thing

We need to hear

Words can build us up

Words can break us down

Start a fire in our hearts or

Put it out

Let my words be life

Let my words be truth

I don't wanna say a word

Unless it points the world back to You

Let the words I say

Be the sound of Your grace

I don't wanna say a word

Unless it points the world back to You

I wanna speak Your love

Not just another noise

Oh, I wanna be Your light

I wanna be Your voice

Let my words be life

Let my words be truth"

- Words by, Hawk Nelson

It came today!

I ordered a book last weekend from Amazon.  A friend of mine told me the title of this book his mom had written and so a few days later I decided to look it up.  I was so happy to find a copy in print... and it came in the mail today!!

 I've read one other book by this author in an online version and I've read about 10 or 12 pages from a  a book called, A More Perfect Union.

It looks like a super quick read but drawing from what I know, I'm certain that it will be very soul filling and highly edifying.  :)

-Alicia

Using Words

"Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words." 

A sister shared this quote in Sacrament Meeting today.  I've heard it many times before and It always strikes me deep.  I often worry that I'm one of those who talks too much.  I certainly feel like I have plenty of room for improvement in the "practice what I preach" arena.  Admittedly, whenever I hear this quote, I feel to step back, examine myself more fully, and think, "Man, I really need to train myself to shut my mouth."

However, I don't think this quote means that words aren't necessary.  Take a look at 2 Nephi 25:26, where the Prophet Nephi says we are to talk, rejoice, preach, prophesy, and write of Christ.  All of these connote the use of words.

Elder Holland also expounds upon the importance of words: "In his deeply moving final testimony, Nephi calls us to “follow the Son [of God], with full purpose of heart,” promising that “after ye have … received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, [ye] can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels. … And … how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost? Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ.”  Indeed, Christ was and is “the Word,” according to John the Beloved,  full of grace and truth, full of mercy and compassion." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (The Tongue of Angels) (2 Nephi 31:13–14; 32:2–3) 

Clearly we see the necessity of words -  it is through their power that heaven and earth are bound together, through words that we commune with God, call down angels, and connect with each other.  But just as we are merely dust without our Father in Heaven, our words are also useless and hollow if our hearts are not sincere.

Paul taught, "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1,2

It is only when love, pure Christ-like love, is our moving and motivating force that our words have any power.  And what is Christ-like love?  It is certainly more than lip service. Jesus said, "If you love me, keep my commandments."

"Spiritually mature obedience is 'the Savior’s obedience.' It is motivated by true love for Heavenly Father and His Son. When we willingly obey, as our Savior did, we cherish the words of our Heavenly Father." - Elder Robert D. Hales - April 2014

The Savior's obedience is motivated by true love for our Father - which ultimately means His love was displayed by sacrifice.

When we sincerely love, honor, and cherish God's word, we will feel the necessity to preach the Gospel at all times, we willingly sacrifice... and what we say will be every bit a part of what we do.

I pray that the Lord will strengthen me to be a better witness of Him.

-Alicia

The Proof of Your Love

(For King and Country)

If I sing but don't have love

I waste my breath with every song

I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise

If I speak with a silver tongue

Convince a crowd but don't have love

I leave a bitter taste with every word I say

So let my life be the proof,

The proof of your love

Let my love look like You and what You're made of

How You lived, how You died

Love is sacrifice

So let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

If I give

To a needy soul but don't have love then who is poor?

It seems all the poverty is found in me

So let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

Let my love look like You and what You're made of

How You lived, how You died

Love is sacrifice

Oh, let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

When it's all said and done

When we sing our final song

Only love remains

Only love remains

Let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

Let my love look like You and what You're made of

How You lived, how You died

Love is sacrifice

So let my life be the proof,

The proof of Your love

Champion Each Other

Not long ago, I overheard a woman just tear into her husband, ripping him with criticism up one side and down the other.  Her nagging and griping seemed endless as she picked and prodded at every possible flaw.  My heart sank as I noticed the look of dejection in her husband's face.  He seemed heavy with sorrow as he hung his head shamefully and spoke not a word in his defense.  I've seen this same scenario played out in the opposite direction as well where the husband jabs at his wife with stabbing insults or cutting and belittling remarks.  How sad! How terribly, terribly sad!  

Now, I won't pretend that my marriage is perfect but I must say that I feel so incredibly fortunate that the communication we have as husband and wife has never been at such a base and ugly level.  In my opinion, this form of talk is abusive.  

Several years ago, my husband and I wrote up a family mission statement together.  We recite it every Monday with our children.  Part of this statement says,

"We are a family of sincere listeners who champion each other.  We strive to build an environment in our home and in our hearts where the Spirit of God may dwell.  We choose to find the good in others and in ourselves, remembering always 'the worth of souls is great in the sight of God'" (D&C 18:10)

In addition to this, whenever I or he has an opportunity to pray in family prayer or in our companion prayers, we always make it a point to openly express gratitude for the other, thanking our Father in Heaven for all they do and asking that the Lord will bless them in all they are in need of.

I've been studying and reviewing General Conference this morning and the talk by Linda K. Burton caused me to reflect on the depressing scene I witnessed not long ago.  Not only should we avoid such corrosive and biting words but we should seek a higher ground. We must constantly to seek to say things and act on opportunities that build and lift our spouse. We must practice this until it becomes second nature. 

 In her talk "We'll Ascend Together" Sister Burton asks the following questions:

"Sisters and brothers, how often do we intentionally “speak kind words to each other”?

We might test ourselves by asking a few questions. With a little adaptation, these questions can apply to most of us, whether we are married or single, whatever our home situation might be.

1. When was the last time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our children?

2. When was the last time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or her in prayer?

3. When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?

4. When was the last time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness—without adding the words “but if only you had” or “but if only you hadn’t”?

5. When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be “right”?"

I give my witness that great and marvelous things result in our homes when we strive to build and lift each other, when we strive to focus on the good.  There is no such thing as a kind word wasted.  We will never regret being too forgiving, too loving, too appreciative, or too gentle but we will always regret the absence of such virtues.

-Alicia