The Two Most Powerful Words

If we are not hearing these two words combined in our homes very often, there is a strong possibility that relationships there are struggling.  What two words am I'm talking about?  I had fun quizzing my husband this morning:


Me: Okay, I've got a question.  Which two words do you think studies have shown to be the most common among the longest lasting relationships?

Husband: "You're right."

Me: Ha ha. Nope, try again.

Husband: "I'm sorry."

Me: Good one but that's not it either.

Husband: Hmm...  I don't know.

Me: That's three words. ;)

Husband: Tell me, what is it?

Me: It's "Thank you."  Studies have shown that in homes where gratitude is habitually and openly expressed, the relationships are more lasting and much stronger.

Husband:  I can see that.  It makes sense.  That causes me to think of the talk, "Grateful in Any Circumstances" by, Dieter F. Uchtdorf.

Me: Totally!  And the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants - "in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things"

................

I know in my own life and from personal experience, the sweetest moments that lift my soul and give me motivation to keep trying are sincere words of gratitude, both when I hear them from others and when I am the one expressing them.  This sweet feeling of hope and happiness comes most abundantly when I'm filled with gratitude for God and I see "His hand in all things."  When this is my focus I begin to see the wonderful things that are being done by everyone else too.

There's a quote I used to have on my wall back in high school that hung next to a big bright sun I had cut out of yellow banner paper that read:

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows." 

- Helen Keller

To me this is the essence of what it feels like to have a soul full of gratitude.  The dreary and dark clouds quickly fade to warm rays of joy, laughter, happiness, and peace when we sincerely and openly acknowledge the goodness of God and the goodness in others "in ANY circumstance."

One of the lines in our family mission statement says, "We recognize and cherish the tender mercies of the Lord through daily expressions of gratitude."  We want this to be a habit in our children's lives.  I hope they learn to always be thankful to be quick to show appreciation.  The best way for them to learn is for me to be more openly grateful for the littlest things they do.  There really is so much power in those two simple words, "Thank you!"

-Alicia
Champion Each Other

Champion Each Other

Not long ago, I overheard a woman just tear into her husband, ripping him with criticism up one side and down the other.  Her nagging and griping seemed endless as she picked and prodded at every possible flaw.  My heart sank as I noticed the look of dejection in her husband's face.  He seemed heavy with sorrow as he hung his head shamefully and spoke not a word in his defense.  I've seen this same scenario played out in the opposite direction as well where the husband jabs at his wife with stabbing insults or cutting and belittling remarks.  How sad! How terribly, terribly sad!  

Now, I won't pretend that my marriage is perfect but I must say that I feel so incredibly fortunate that the communication we have as husband and wife has never been at such a base and ugly level.  In my opinion, this form of talk is abusive.  

Several years ago, my husband and I wrote up a family mission statement together.  We recite it every Monday with our children.  Part of this statement says,

"We are a family of sincere listeners who champion each other.  We strive to build an environment in our home and in our hearts where the Spirit of God may dwell.  We choose to find the good in others and in ourselves, remembering always 'the worth of souls is great in the sight of God'" (D&C 18:10)

In addition to this, whenever I or he has an opportunity to pray in family prayer or in our companion prayers, we always make it a point to openly express gratitude for the other, thanking our Father in Heaven for all they do and asking that the Lord will bless them in all they are in need of.

I've been studying and reviewing General Conference this morning and the talk by Linda K. Burton caused me to reflect on the depressing scene I witnessed not long ago.  Not only should we avoid such corrosive and biting words but we should seek a higher ground. We must constantly to seek to say things and act on opportunities that build and lift our spouse. We must practice this until it becomes second nature. 

 In her talk "We'll Ascend Together" Sister Burton asks the following questions:

"Sisters and brothers, how often do we intentionally “speak kind words to each other”?

We might test ourselves by asking a few questions. With a little adaptation, these questions can apply to most of us, whether we are married or single, whatever our home situation might be.

1. When was the last time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our children?

2. When was the last time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or her in prayer?

3. When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?

4. When was the last time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness—without adding the words “but if only you had” or “but if only you hadn’t”?

5. When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be “right”?"

I give my witness that great and marvelous things result in our homes when we strive to build and lift each other, when we strive to focus on the good.  There is no such thing as a kind word wasted.  We will never regret being too forgiving, too loving, too appreciative, or too gentle but we will always regret the absence of such virtues.

-Alicia