Thanksgiving 2017

It was Joseph's family's turn for Thanksgiving this year.  I always love the traditions they have, either a 5k run or a game of Frisbee Football before dinner begins.  Micah and Chandler took the train a day before to bring cousins back to our place for a Thanksgiving Eve sleepover.

Thanksgiving is usually held at either Merrit's house or Lee's because they are the only homes that can accommodate 50 people.  This year, it was at Lee's. (The picture I've attached shows about half of us. There were three other large tables set up around the house.)

Before we ate, Lee arranged for several people to share what they were grateful for this past year.  The underlining theme shared was gratitude for our Savior Jesus Christ and for the life God has given us on earth. I appreciated Russ's testimony especially with all he's been through with his wife having cancer. Russ shared that he was grateful for the trials he has been through this past year because they have helped to shape him, helped him grow and appreciate in ways nothing else could.

Jeff closed our small devotional by sharing a short audio clip of President Hinckley testifying of Christ. The spirit filled the room and there was hardly a dry eye. Every heart was touched by gratitude and love for each other, for life, and for our Savior.

We had plans the next day to drive north with Lee and her family to find a Christmas tree so Joseph and the children slept that night at Lee's. I  had to drive an hour back down to Provo though to let our foster daughter be with her grandma and grandpa for the other half of Thanksgiving.  Before we left, our FD wanted to hug all 50 people individually. Everyone's heart melted by her expression of affection.

Micah tagged along with FD and I back down to Provo because he was feeling sick - he rested on the couch and watched movies while I worked on homework until it came time for me to pick up our FD from her grandma's Thanksgiving dinner.

The next morning, I drove back up to Lee's to gather those who had slept over. We drove out with her family just past the Utah/Wyoming border to find the perfect Christmas tree. I love the satisfaction of cutting down our own tree, of picking it out together. They kids may not agree but I think it's very worth the long drive and bundling up warm.

Putting up our tree last night made me more aware that Christmas is just a few weeks away and another year is almost over. Wow, I can't believe how fast this year went by!

Seeking to Learn

I've really enjoyed Education Week so far! Joseph, Chandler, Miriam, and I have all been going to the evening classes. Two of my classes are on improving marriage.

Some of my biggest take-away's from the marriage classes have been my need to purposefully and deliberately choose a more positive vocabulary. When expressing desires or emotions with Joseph and the kids, I know that I set the tone quite often in my home... It's good for me to evaluate if my conversations are centered on complaining or complimenting. I think by praying daily for the ability to recognize the law of the harvest in my home, I will more consciously sow positive expressions and sincere praise.

Because life rarely goes how we expect it to, it can be easy to feel a little jaded. This is where I think faith comes in. Don't expect so much -be more grateful for small things. It takes faith to keep putting forth effort, time, energy, and positive reinforcements into our most vital relationships -  It takes faith because we rarely see the results right away. But no kind words, no thoughtful gesture, no act of self-less service, no time set aside for our spouse or our children is ever wasted!

I enjoyed a youth class with my kids the other evening about trials. The speaker cited from the lives of some ancient and modern day prophets who went through severe trials. He drew our attention to how their lives unfolded in the end and that it was the very hardships and struggles that shaped and molded them into the inspirational characters of history we revere.

I found a verse in my scripture study today that goes well with these thoughts on trials:

"The Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.... And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind, and they did sing praises unto the Lord" - Ether 6:5,8,9

I'm sure the wind and waves made the Jaredites very sick and frustrated multiple times on their journey across the ocean...  but it was those very two elements that God used to get them to the promised land. I'm sure in the end, they were praising the Lord for the wind and waves. This gives me hope.

-Alicia

I'm Happy!

I had a wonderful birthday today! Joseph kept asking me what I wanted as a gift. I said, "I'd love for you to go with me on a morning hike up to the top of Squaw Peak." My wish was granted! 

Aug. 19th - the two of us are going to
tackle that mountain in the background. :)

In the evening, Joseph took me out to my favorite restaurant, Indian Palace. 

A Basket Full

My friend, SaraLyn, paid me a surprise visit tonight. She's a next-door neighbor of mine from my old ward. We were outside as a family eating ice cream "Sundays" after Micah's fabulous Family Home Evening lesson, when I saw SaraLyn walking up the sidewalk toward our house. I waved and ran to greet her at our gate.

In her arms she held a basket full of gifts. 

"What brings you here, my friend?" I asked.

"This is for you," she said with a sparkle in her eyes.

I was shocked. "Why? What for? I don't understand."

"Because, I love you," she said sincerely and smilingly presented me with one gift at a time: 

A beanie hat, "Something whimsical." 

A journal, "Something thoughtful."

Then, she held up some lotions and essential oils, "Something relaxing." 

Next, she pulled out a couple of books, "Something educational and uplifting." 

And lastly, she pulled out two large bars of Moser Roth chocolates, "And... something indulging." She winked.

I couldn't believe it. It was just so random. "Wow! Really?! Why all of this? I know I don't deserve it, any of it. Why?"

"Yes." She insisted. "I enjoyed sitting next to you and talking with you in Stake Conference yesterday, I just wanted to express how much I love you."

"That's interesting." I said. "Because, after Stake Conference, I was telling my husband how much I love and adore you. But here you are doing something wonderful for me. You're incredible!" I invited SaraLyn to sit on the porch and talk a while but she couldn't stay. I thanked her again as she prepared to leave. Hugging her as tight as I could, I said goodbye. We both had tears in our eyes. 

After she was gone, my kids crowded around to take a look at the basket full of thoughtful gifts. "Look mom, there's a card." Micah pulled it out and held it to my face, "Open it." 

In the card was a beautiful thank-you note wrapped around four twenty-dollar bills. My jaw dropped to the ground! "Seriously!!" I laughed and shook my head. "I just don't get it."

I don't know why my friend, SaraLyn, felt to be this generous with me. I honestly haven't done anything fantastic. I think she's just one of those people who love so freely. She has always been this compassionate and thoughtful though. Last summer, when she found out we had to leave our apartment, she made me dinner, collected boxes for the move, invited me over to talk, and let me cry on her shoulder. She has been a God-send on a number of occasions. Maybe yesterday, she recognized that my soul was weary and I needed some sort of outreach. I don't know.

I pray that I can be more aware of others, that I can rise above my own sorrows and recognize when people need me to do for them what SaraLyn did for me. Wow, what a blessing!

-Alicia

Support

My heart is filled with gratitude for the foster care support page. Yesterday, a flood of people sent me messages of encouragement, people who have also made the difficult decision to remove a child from their home. What a blessing to me their words have been!!

"You have to do what's right for your family and for those kids. Sometimes your home just isn't the best fit or maybe it's just not the right time. I know it hurts. And it's okay. Hurting shows that you love them and tried. I have seen families request a removal and get placements later down the road that were a much better fit. It's okay. You will get through this."

"Yes we have had placements moved. This is super hard. Not all placements fit in our families. Cry it out and move on. You will be ok. They next one could fit better. Good luck! (((HUGS)))"

"Non-fostering friends don't get it and that's because they aren't in the trenches like other foster parents. Other foster parents are your tribe, we get it, we know what it's like, and we know it's not a heartless decision."

 "In the end you have to do what is right for your family. The most experienced foster parents will tell you that we have all been in this same position at some point in time with our experience. You have to decide if this is best for your family, without allowing outside people to influence this, because at the end of the day you have to be okay with your decision. There is no shame in saying this is not a good fit."

 "I felt the same way when we asked to have a placement move, it ended up being a must for us due to safety concerns and we were torn and worried that dcfs would hold it against us! It ended up being far better for the child the home he went to was a much better fit and we have a placement now that fits us better!
It's hard but you will be ok!"

 "I am so sorry you are going through this! All I can say is ditto to everyone else. I am on our first placement so I don't have near the experience as others on here but my kids are a sibling group that is broken up. I have the 2 youngest and the 3 oldest were together. The very oldest was really struggling and so was his foster mom. Their personalities just didn't work together. He ended up being placed in a proctor home. It started really rough but the neighborhood has taken this kid in with open arms and he is thriving far and above what the whole team expected. I know the other foster mom really struggled with guilt at first, but honestly it just wasn't a good fit and this new place is. So, try not to feel guilty and do what you need to for you and your family."

"Stay strong and know that you are making a difference, even caring for them until a better fit is found. Some placements really are just harder than others."

"It's hard. We love the foster kids we asked to have moved, and we're pretty sure they love us too, so it was a difficult heart-wrenching decision to make. Once the decision was made we did feel some peace with it. And of course some regrets and second-guessing, too... we're sad if we hear things aren't going well for them in the new placement, but we just have to trust the Lord that he will put them in the place they need to be (we don't have to trust DCFS for that, they can't see the future)." 

"After having done this over 10 years I have learned a few things, with that said. It is never easy to move a child from your home, you will will feel sadness, failure, and honestly a bit of relief. You will have forgotten what a non stressful home feels like. You will cry and grieve that this child was moved and go thru lots of the what if's.....BUT will you be placed again with another child? YES!!! We have to remember this isn't about us this is about finding the right fit for the child to grow and develop and hopefully return home. If that isn't the case then you want the child to be adopted into a home where they fit and belong. There are 100's of foster homes and each child does different in each home, we all have strengths and weaknesses and sometime we don't know our weaknesses till we take that child who brings them out. You and your family have done amazing things for these children but when it isn't a good fit you just cant make the square fit into the round circle no matter how hard you try. With each placement you learn something new about yourself, your family what you can and can't handle. I believe any time a child is moved or goes home it is a great idea to re connect with your family and take a look at what worked what didn't work. Taking time to re energize your family is ok to do as well. Huge hug as this is a hard decision but do what is best for the children in your home and your family."

"About your​ pain of asking for removal, we get it! We've got you! Our kids needed so much more support and services than we were able to get (beg) for them, and once the 9yr old truly snapped I finally faced the fact that she couldn't be happy with us. We had taught her enough coping skills for so many facets of her life and then suddenly she began abusing me physically, which devolved into my 11 bio kid self harming to cope with the stress. I had to start protecting myself and my family from her and her out-of-controlness...which doesn't create a loving environment. She'd given signs and symptoms for so long, and I found myself trying harder and harder to be what she needed until we broke. Sometimes failures are more valuable than success, because it lays bare the true extent of the need and proves to DCFS the Foster children need more than they're getting."

Together

Lately, Joseph sends me a email randomly about once a week with expressions of love and encouragement. I've thanked him graciously but words fail to describe how much his little notes mean.

As we work side-by-side with this particular foster case and monitor our own children's behavior as a result, we are facing some very difficult choices. This past week, Joseph sent me a couple of links to some conference talks as encouragement. These are some of the quotes that really stood out to me in them:

"[Life’s journey] is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say, “No,” the courage to say, “Yes.” Decisions do determine destiny." - President Thomas S. Monson

"It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.
It all works out. Don’t worry. …
The Lord will not forsake us.
He will not forsake us.
If we will put our trust in Him,
if we will pray to Him,
if we will live worthy of His blessings,
He will hear our prayers."
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

I'm so grateful for Joseph, for his companionship. These past few years, he has learned to give simple gestures, affection, and expressions that truly sustain me. I commit to doing the same for him. This is what it's all about.

"It is so rewarding to be married. Marriage is wonderful. In time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions. You have times when you are extremely happy, times of testing, and times of trial, but the Lord guides you through all of those growth experiences together." - Richard G. Scott

-Alicia

One of Joseph's many emails :)

Grateful

I don't have much to write today.  I'm just grateful for the Gospel in my life: for the scriptures, for prayer, for living prophets, for my Savior, for the Atonement. I'm grateful for the peace that comes from hanging on to principles of truth. And there is a wellspring of truth overflowing in this Gospel.
-Alicia

Grateful

by, Paul Cardall

Above the Nay-saying and Pessimism

Yesterday, I attended the funeral for a young man, Jeromiah, who passed away a few short months from turning twenty due to complications he suffered with muscular dystrophy.  He had been diagnosed at the age of three and as each year passed, the disease took over his ability to walk, his ability to move his arms, his ability to speak very well, and eventually his entire body--except for very slight movements in a couple fingers. Spending most of his life in a quadriplegic wheelchair, this courageous young man refused to let his spirit be confined.  He graduated from college, was a graphic designer, a blogger, and was preparing to serve a mission for the Church. 

This excerpt from his Salutatory Address inspires me so much.  He said, "Let us be proactive and independent in our minds and motivations, above the nay-saying and pessimism we are sure to encounter. But let us still depend on those who care about us. May we be dependable citizens and reliable community members, to support each other as we go forth into the world and change it for the better." - Jeromiah Drennan

And he certainly changed the world for the better. I'm sure Jeromiah had his days where he struggled to live his own counsel but his accomplishments are proof that he truly practiced what he preached.

It's no surpise to me that he loved the book, Man's Search for Meaning. He completely understood that "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Victor Frankl

Reflecting on all that was shared at the funeral yesterday, I'm compelled to ask myself, "What level of gratitude is in my heart and how can I avoid nay-saying and pessimism? Where do I limit myself? What practices, habits, or self-talk will free my spirit from being confined by the forces of opposition in my life?" 

One other quote given at the services yesterday was this description of the highest education by President Hinckley. I believe this education is more readily achieved when we grasp our true spiritual identity and the true spiritual identity of everyone around us--the untouchable portion of our soul that is of infinite worth to our loving Father in Heaven.

"Each day we are made increasingly aware of the fact that life is more than science and mathematics, more than history and literature. There is need for another education, without which the substance of secular learning may lead only to destruction. I refer to the education of the heart, of the conscience, of the character, of the spirit—these indefinable aspects of our personalities which determine so certainly what we are and what we do in our relationships one with another." - President Gordon B. Hinckley

What beautiful tributes were made to celebrate the life of Jeromiah yesterday! Physically limited but not spiritually bound, this young man may have had a completely immovable body - but oh how his spirit SOARED!!

-Alicia

More Than Lucky

Yesterday was awesome!  For the morning part of St. Patrick's Day, I made green pancakes served with green milk. For the afternoon, the kids and I made green rice crispy treats and rainbow cupcakes. And for dinner, we had green deviled eggs, green grapes, cucumber wheels, and laab.  (Okay, so laab isn't anything close to Irish.) Laab is actually a Thai dish but it has some delicious greens in it and it's one of my foster son's favorite meals.  I'd actually say it's a comfort food for him because it reminds him of his mother.  He was so delighted when he found out that I made laab. He gobbled up two big servings and then swung around the table to give me a big grateful hug. I was so glad to see him happy. Next week I'll make him some pho, one of his other favorites. I really need to learn more Thai and Vietnamese recipes, 

After dinner, Joseph and I had the perfect date night-- We hiked the Y, drank green smoothies, watched a movie, and did other fun stuff. ;) We plan to make our Y hike together at least a couple times a month, maybe more.  Joseph is really serious about planning for Timp this year.  I'm so proud of him because this is completely out of his comfort zone.  I really don't know what has gotten into him but I don't want it to stop.

I was so pleased with how yesterday went. Even the morning routine was quite smooth with none of the regular meltdowns from my foster daughter. The weather was amazing and the kids were all generally happy. It really was a good day... and I'll hang on to all the good days I can. 

I'd be ungrateful if I didn't take note.

-Alicia

Sunday Drive

We all had a great evening tonight.  Chandler suggested we load up the family for a Sunday drive.  We didn't have a destination in mind at first but then decided to take a nice scenic ride up West Mountain to BYU's observatory where Joseph used to work when he was studying Astronomy.

We probably made it about 80-90% to the top of the mountain until we ended up getting stuck in the snow and mud.  In order to get ourselves un-stuck, we drove backwards down the slushy dirt road for about a half a mile.  We never made it to the observatory but were still able to enjoy a spectacular view!!  There's something I love about seeing this beautiful valley from a different angle, a fresh perspective.

I think we have the same "fresh perspective" opportunities in our own families, with our spouse and with our children. How often do we take the time to try and see them in a different light, to search for the beauty we've been missing?

I had a few principles stand out to me during some of the church meetings I attended today:
#1 -gratitude-- Be an optimist. Look for the good at home, focus on the qualities you love and admire in your children and your spouse. Exercise drawing your attention to all the great qualities you see in them.
#2 -Make time to connect with each member of your family.  Be there for them. Get to know them, their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams.  Check in with them regularly. Don't be in the habit of checking out.

Our little family drive this evening was fun.  I'm so glad we did it.  And of course, Chandler found the perfect instrumental music to make the ride a little more magical.
I love that guy!

-Alicia

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. 

It turns what we have into enough, and more. 

It turns denial into acceptance, 
chaos to order, confusion to clarity. 

It can turn a meal into a feast, 
a house into a home, 
a stranger into a friend. 

-Melody Beattie

Seven "Take-Aways" From Groundhog Day

Every February 2nd we watch the movie Groundhog Day.  My husband and I love the messages from it.  These are seven things we've learned:


1. The worst kind of ruts to be stuck in are the deep repugnant trenches of self-centeredness and ego.

2. Nobody misses a jerk.
     "The wretch, concentered all in self,
       Living, shall forfeit fair renown,
      And, doubly dying, shall go down
      To the vile dust, from whence he sprung,
      Unwept, unhonored, and unsung.
                                -Sir Walter Scott

3. It's important to have consequences, both good and bad. That's how we learn. That's how we grow.

4. When you do good, do it for the right reasons. You can't fake your way into lasting relationships. If motives are not genuine, the masquerade may work for a while but the insincerity will eventually be sniffed out.

5. You can rise above the cold, dark, and bleak. Phil turned his life around when he was still in the middle of winter's bitter chill. He even discovered aspects of the season that prepared his mind to love it, even if it meant the rest of his life.  Gratitude!

6. To learn a new talent or master a new skill takes time and lots of practice, day after day, after day.

7. Make a conscious effort to look around each day and see who you can help in small and simple ways. Only when Phil genuinely began to care for others, the mundane didn't matter so much.  In fact, he found beauty and fulfillment in the day-in day-out routine.

Escaping the Vacuum Cycle of Self
-Alicia

Favorite Things

I stay up late most nights taking turns scratching each of the kids backs and listening to them tell me about their day or ask questions about life.  My foster son loves to be last so he can get the longest back scratch and talk to me the most... Tonight he wanted to have a tickle fight after his back scratch was over--making him completely giddy... (so much for sleepiness).  He loves to find whatever way he can to get physical affection (something he has been starved of his whole life). Eventually, he fell asleep. It was cute.

I feel like today ended as a pretty good day.  After all the kids finally dozed off, I reflected on the good time I had visiting at their bedsides. I feel so blessed to have each of them in my life.

One of my favorite things about being a mom is watching all my children discover their own unique passions and talents:

• Miriam is my little author.  Whenever she has a spare moment, she loves to write books, mostly mystery and suspense books. She loves to have me and Joseph proof-read every chapter. I won't be surprised to see her name published someday.
• Micah is my sculptor and engineer. He loves to craft things, and he can create just about anything.  He's incredible! He sculpted and sold a nativity set at our friend's shop up the street.  He really could easily sell almost all of his creations. 
• Honestly, I haven't discovered one particular focus Kaylee has a passion for... she's just passionate.  She's my little lover, always giving away hugs and kisses galore, especially to little babies.
• I'm still working on helping my foster son develop a passion for something.  He doesn't have much confidence in himself.  I keep telling him that he can do so much more than he realizes.  
• My foster daughter is only three...  I'm still trying to discover her passion too.
• And last but not least, Chandler's favorite thing in the whole wide world (besides watching football), is writing electronic dance music.  Chandler began his own SoundCloud page three months ago.  I have to say, for a fifteen-year-old kid, he has some pretty impressive stuff that he has composed.  The other night, Chandler was showing me the latest track he had written.  His stuff is really worth a listen.  When he was finished showing me his work, he playfully nudged me insisting that he share a quick Youtube video about electronic dance music.  It's a pretty funny clip, clearly making a mock of EDM,  We both had a very good laugh together.

I love being a mom... sure it's a tough job but it's so fun to watch my kids grow and see their unique personalities. Time is passing much faster than I ever imagined it would.  I want to hang on to everything I can.

-Alicia

Builders

"Let us do our work as well,

Both the unseen and the seen;

Make the house, where Gods may dwell,

Beautiful, entire, and clean."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

My foster daughter has shown quite a bit of improvement this past week.  She has had less melt-downs and less hitting.  She has been more compliant and has been communicating more politely with full and complete sentences.  She has even been letting me potty-train her (something she resisted with vengeance a few weeks ago). With the melt-downs fewer and farther between, our house has seemed more peaceful and the tension in all my children has decreased.

My foster daughter put together these blocks and said with excitement, "I'm building Alicia's house".  (I can't show the photo of her face but imagine an extremely proud grin.)  I'm sure in her mind, it was just simple play. but I like this picture because this is a good reminder to me to build my house right.

Over the holidays, we visited two of my husband's sister's homes.  My foster son was in complete awe of how huge their homes were.  He said a few things to them that made us uncomfortable. As we drove back to our place he kept making comments about how rich Joseph's sisters must be.
I leaned back over the driver's seat and said, "They do have very nice houses don't they? But that's not what makes their place a great place to live.  They are rich in much more important ways."
He stopped to consider what I meant.
I continued, "A house is made of brick and stone but a home is made of love alone."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.
"Listen again. What do you think it's supposed to mean? 'A house is made of brick and stone but a home is made of love alone.'"
"I don't get it." My foster son huffed.
"It means that you could have the richest, most biggest house on the block, and it will be absolutely worthless if there is no love felt inside that home.  It also means that 'home' is more of a feeling, than an actual place."
He continued to reflect on my words but didn't say anymore.

In my short experience of being a foster mom, there is one principle of practice that keeps coming back to my mind: "to build-up"... to build each soul that lives here.  I'm learning how important it is to recognize the smallest accomplishments, to praise each person for their efforts (even if they don't meet my expectations and especially when I don't feel like offering praise). What kind of house am I building?  What feelings reside within these walls and am I making it the place where there is enough love for Gods and angels to dwell?

"For the structure that we raise,

Time is with materials filled;

Our to-days and yesterdays

Are the blocks with which we build.

Truly shape and fashion these;

Leave no yawning gaps between;

Think not, because no man sees,

Such things will remain unseen.

In the elder days of Art,

Builders wrought with greatest care

Each minute and unseen part;

For the Gods see everywhere."

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

-Alicia

First Goal of the Year

"Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth’s sake."

- Psalms 115:1 - KJV

"Don't give glory to us, O LORD. Don't give glory to us. Instead, give glory to your name because of your mercy and faithfulness."

- Psalms 115:1 - God's Word Translation

"Not to us, LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."

-Psalms 115:1 NIV Translation

This is such an awesome scripture!  I love this verse in all the versions of the Bible.  Can you imagine how different the world would look if we could only remember where all the credit and glory really belongs?  Can you imagine how much we would stop worrying about the opinions of others, for good or for ill... and focused on the One opinion that really matters most?

Even Christ--who deserves all the glory--said during His ministry,  " Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God." - Mark 10:18

Elder Neal A. Maxwell observed,

Is there not deep humility in the omnicompetent Christ, the majestic Miracle Worker, who acknowledged, “I can of mine own self do nothing” (John 5:30)? Jesus neither misused nor doubted his power, but he was never confused about its source, either. Instead, we mortals—perhaps even when otherwise modest—are sometimes quite willing to display our accumulated accomplishments, as if we had done it all by ourselves. Hence this sobering reminder:

“And thou say in thine heart, My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth.

But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day.[Deuteronomy 8:17–18]"

On another occasion Neal A. Maxwell recognized,

“Something I have heard President Hinckley do many times publicly is to give all the glory, the praise, and the honor to God. This is something I am going to do more often, including today, incorporating my appreciation for God’s tutoring and blessings.”

I think this is a fantastic place to start with a New Year’s resolution…  to always give credit where credit is due.  To be watchful and careful everyday that my motives are pure and not self-centered or self-aggrandizing. And when there is any praise given to me, I pray that I will be quick to acknowledge from Whom all blessings flow.

-Alicia

"Let not any passion be for kingdoms we have fashioned in our own name For our own fame... Let us not be fooled And let us not be disillusioned Let our eyes see You clearly... Anything that’s true Anything that’s good Let it point to You... Not to us" -Nichole Nordeman

Grace for Grace

"Dear Lord,

So far today, am I doing alright.

I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent. I have not whined or complained.

But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think that I will really need your help then."

- unknown

Many of life's solutions seem so much easier in words than the actual application.  I can start my day off with prayer and scriptures.  I can study the life of Christ and His teachings.  I can make resolutions for the day. And then some drama will unfold with the children, some conflict arises, or something won't work how it's expected too... and the real test of my character begins.    

You know those uncomfortable moments at the end of the day, where you review how you handled each situation and realize that you could have done better?  I consider those reflective moments to be a blessing, an opportunity to learn and try again.

I read in the New Testament this morning, "My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him: For whom the Lord loveth, He chasteneth..." (Hebrews 12: 5,6)

The Lord knows we are going to stumble and fall, that we won't be the ideal father, the ideal mother, or the ideal anything.  He knows we won't be perfect.  And when we offend, when we mess up... we must be quick to apologize and set it right. It's the repentant soul who displays real faith and real courage.

Popular BYU Professor and LDS speaker--Brad Wilcox--said,

There should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).

I'm also learning that the specific things we pray for can make a huge difference in how we handle each situation:

• I am discovering that it's better for me to seek for understanding rather than pray for patience.  When I understand the situation more or the intent of another, patience follows more naturally.

• I am discovering that it's better for me to offer prayers of gratitude rather than pray to have love for others.  When I'm filled with gratitude, love follows more naturally.

I'm grateful to know the Lord is all about second chances and new beginnings.  He delights to untangle the messes we find ourselves in and fill our souls with peace.  "Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." - Hebrews 12:11

I pray your day is blessed with the unfailing grace and love extended to us through our Savior, that you feel peace... even in the middle of a storm, especially in the middle of a storm. Sail on.

-Alicia

Spread Happiness - Express Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope this day is full of opportunities to be with family and friends and that while you are with them, you take the time to tell them how grateful you are to have them in your life: write it out, call them, express it face to face-- however you do it--give voice to why they mean so much to you!

Because “silent gratitude is of no use to anyone” (G.B. Stern).

Live in Thanksgiving daily. :)

The Science of Happiness

ABC - 123

Around 22 years ago I was given a special blessing that reminds me of my life's mission. In that blessing I was told that because of my Savior's sacrifice, I might "not only have life but [I'll] have it most abundantly".  This is a promise to all true followers of Christ! As I reflect on what the phrase means to "have life most abundantly" I think of what we are here on earth for: to learn.

Education is part of the abundant life, especially the education that shapes and molds our eternal destiny.  So, let's talk a little about ABC's and 123's... :)

Thomas S. Monson describes the abundant life as something to be sought after like a quest--through three applied principles:

"A is for Attitude--So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment.

B is for Believe--in yourself, in those around you, and in eternal principles... Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith.

C is for Courage--Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. 'Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'(Mary Anne Radmacher)"

- President Thomas S. Monson

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin gave a talk called "The Abundant Life" and in it, he lists three things that describe where we find it:

One-- Living Water: "Fully understood and embraced, the gospel of Jesus Christ heals broken hearts, infuses meaning into lives, binds loved ones together with ties that transcend mortality, and brings to life a sublime joy."

Two-- Love: "Love is the essence of the gospel and the greatest of all the commandments. The Savior taught that every other commandment and prophetic teaching hangs upon it.(Matt. 22:40). The Apostle Paul wrote that 'all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.'(Gal. 5:14)"

Three-- Make a masterpiece: "The third quality of those who live abundant lives is that they, with the help of their Heavenly Father, create a masterpiece of their lives. No matter our age, circumstances, or abilities, each one of us can create something remarkable of his life. David saw himself as a shepherd, but the Lord saw him as a king of Israel."

-Joseph B. Wirthlin

There you have it, my friends. It really is that simple.  It really is that beautiful! This really is the life!! Bless you in your noble quest to further your education! Enter to learn and go forth to serve! I believe in you.

-Alicia

For the Hard Days...

I've recently heard about JamesTheMormon.  He's a BYU student, a rapper, and Mormon (Hence the name). This guy is really cool because he uses his talents to share uplifting encouraging lyrics and the Gospel.  This is a fun clip my son and I watched today.  It's amazing how a little music can turn any moment around. This video does a good job sharing that message. It's a modern day "shoulder to the wheel" song. 

I also saw a quote that fits perfectly with this video...

Finding these things today reminded me of a really great quote by President Packer:

“If [we] have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life.”

Anyway... Just a few thoughts for when things don't go according to plan or when life is just hard.  Keep on keeping on!

-Alicia 

Tender Mercies

There has been plenty of things to attend to as we've adjusted to this move.  Our schedules have been full of errands and projects.  We've lived in an apartment for so long that we've had to start from scratch with lots of the typical things, like yard supplies and maintenance tools.  Home Depot is destined to become our new hang-out place.

Yesterday, there was so much to be done.  I wasn't quite sure how I'd find time to write my paper for my rhetoric class but I was blessed to have it come together much more rapidly than I expected. I have a very strict no-homework policy on Sundays, so anything due on Monday is something I need to get  done by Saturday night at the latest.  I ended up completing everything for school Friday afternoon which left me plenty of time to just bear down and work on several of our most urgent needs.

We pounded through all our work and were able to enjoy some fun time watching BYU football's homecoming game Friday night and the homecoming parade this morning.

When we arrived back at the house, Joseph and I spent several more hours getting our place in order.  Joseph's sister donated her old broken lawn mower to add to our sparse yard tool collection. We gratefully accepted it with the hopes that we could figure out how to get it up and running again. With all the other repairs we've had to pay for, we didn't want to take the mower to a shop.  After all, how hard can it be to fix a tiny little engine like that?  I cleaned out all the cobwebs and crusted grass that had hardened to the body of the machine.  I changed the oil, the air filter, the spark plug, and cleaned out the carburetor.  It was my first lawn mower repair ever and I did it!! It starts and runs perfectly every time!  I felt very proud and very blessed.  I know it was a complete tender mercy that I was able to do that.

I was also able to locate what was leaking in our van and patch up the hose.  (I'm so grateful that when I was growing up, my brothers taught me not to be afraid of a few simple mechanical jobs.)

These are just a some of many blessings these past few days.  And I don't believe they have been coincidences.  I know that God grants us with wisdom and ideas, ability and strength, often in very unexpected areas but always at just the right moment.

-Alicia

"The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits “his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men (D&C 46:15).

I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." - Elder David A. Bednar

First World Problems

This past week has been extremely taxing on all of us--car problems, several expensive things breaking, trying to balance the kids school / my school, and of course the big move. All of it has left Joseph and me physically worn and emotionally drained (not the best combination). We've tried so hard to encourage each other and avoid dragging ourselves down. I really felt bad complaining because we've had so many little tender mercies through it all.

A few evenings ago, I was at the lowest I've been in a long time, I felt numb to everything around me, just lost in a daze.  I'm not easily depressed but it hit me hard Monday night.  It made it even more tough to see that Joseph felt worse than I did. Usually, when one of us is down, the other one of us is up, and we can help pull the other out of it. But it's especially hard when we're BOTH feeling low. (Any married couple knows exactly what I'm talking about. You want to buoy each other up and you feel bad that you can't.)

 The next morning, after I prayed and studied, I watched the video about the refugees from the Middle East and was instantly humbled.  My problems seem so petty, so "first world" compared to these poor families. I felt like I'd been behaving like a spoiled child. As I listened to the refugees tell their stories, I marveled at how I could ever complain about anything.  Strangely, I felt the burdens on my shoulders lifted as feelings of compassion distilled on my heart. I have so much more than I deserve, a million times more.

I guess it's all how we choose to look at our lives. It reminds me of that old Indian proverb, "I used to complain that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."

-Alicia