How's It Going to End?

Everyday life rarely turns out how we expect it to. With all our planning and organizing, something usually happens that wasn't planned, something that blindsided us or took us completely by surprise. They can happen in a split-second or can be gradual.

Just look over the last twenty years of your life and look at where you are now. What percentage of the events through that time period fell in line exactly how you imagined they would?
What did you do with those unexpected twists and turns?
Did you grow from them, learn from them?
How did they shape your life into what it is today?

If you had the power to do so and with the perspective you have now, would you go back in time and change those unexpected events so that things worked out more according to your imagination? Why or why not?

What choices mattered most and what has turned out to not matter at all?

Sometimes, I like to imagine myself twenty years into the future asking my present self these same questions. It helps me to put things into perspective.

Life can turn on a dime. There are really few things within our control from day to day but those few things within our control are so incredibly valuable and powerful! We can ask ourselves...
What will I choose to occupy my thoughts?
How will I choose to extend my love?
What can I do to make the most of the time I have in this very moment?

Neal A. Maxwell once said, "Life’s necessary defining moments come within our allotments, and we make 'on the record' choices within these allotments. Our responses are what matter. Sufficient unto each life are the tests thereof!"- Content with the Things Allotted unto Us (see  Matt. 6:34)

Even with all the unexpected events we will inevitably face, we still have a great deal of control with how it all will end. Even without knowing the details, our hearts can be full of hope for the future.

"The joy we experience in this life will be in direct proportion to how well our lives are centered on the teachings, example, and atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ." -By Elder Richard J. Maynes
Of the Presidency of the Seventy

A Little About Life and Love

Tuesday's with Morrie came out almost twenty years ago but I never saw it until last night. Checking out DVD's from the library usually means extremely thin pickings--it's hard to find anything worth while. I almost went home with nothing in my hands until I found this one and decided to give it a shot.

When my husband saw the cover of the DVD, he looked terribly disappointed, smirking at the picture of an old man in a wheelchair, "Really, this is what you want to watch?"

I responded, "Honey, that's Jack Lemmon! Don't you know him? Have you ever seen The Days of Wine and Roses or The Odd Couple?  He's an incredible actor!" 

 I knew none of that mattered to Joseph--he's always in the mood for big action-packed movies. This well... this was a far cry from action... and maybe a little too close to cry.  Even still, he ended up watching and really enjoyed it. Of course I loved it! I'm admittedly a sucker for deep movies, the kind of movies that enlighten my mind or expand my heart--anything with a nice moral to it. 

Tuesday's with Morrie had so many wonderful lines about life and love, purpose and dying, I had to take notes. Here's a few of my favorite quotes:

 "All I have is a voice - to undo the folded lie - the lie of authority - whose buildings grope the sky. No one exists alone. Hunger allows no choice to the citizen or police. We must love one another... or die." - W.H. Auden

"When we're infants, we need others to survive. When we're dying, we need others to survive. But here's the secret. In between, we need others even more." -Morrie

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." -Morrie

"My father was afraid of love. He couldn't give it and he couldn't receive it either. Maybe that's worse...  Not letting ourselves be loved because we're too afraid of giving ourselves to someone we might lose."-Morrie

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."-Morrie

"If we accept the fact that we can die at anytime we lead our lives differently." -Morrie

"When you learn how to die, you learn how to live."-Morrie

-Alicia

Sunday Drive

We all had a great evening tonight.  Chandler suggested we load up the family for a Sunday drive.  We didn't have a destination in mind at first but then decided to take a nice scenic ride up West Mountain to BYU's observatory where Joseph used to work when he was studying Astronomy.

We probably made it about 80-90% to the top of the mountain until we ended up getting stuck in the snow and mud.  In order to get ourselves un-stuck, we drove backwards down the slushy dirt road for about a half a mile.  We never made it to the observatory but were still able to enjoy a spectacular view!!  There's something I love about seeing this beautiful valley from a different angle, a fresh perspective.

I think we have the same "fresh perspective" opportunities in our own families, with our spouse and with our children. How often do we take the time to try and see them in a different light, to search for the beauty we've been missing?

I had a few principles stand out to me during some of the church meetings I attended today:
#1 -gratitude-- Be an optimist. Look for the good at home, focus on the qualities you love and admire in your children and your spouse. Exercise drawing your attention to all the great qualities you see in them.
#2 -Make time to connect with each member of your family.  Be there for them. Get to know them, their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams.  Check in with them regularly. Don't be in the habit of checking out.

Our little family drive this evening was fun.  I'm so glad we did it.  And of course, Chandler found the perfect instrumental music to make the ride a little more magical.
I love that guy!

-Alicia

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. 

It turns what we have into enough, and more. 

It turns denial into acceptance, 
chaos to order, confusion to clarity. 

It can turn a meal into a feast, 
a house into a home, 
a stranger into a friend. 

-Melody Beattie

Builders

"Let us do our work as well,

Both the unseen and the seen;

Make the house, where Gods may dwell,

Beautiful, entire, and clean."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

My foster daughter has shown quite a bit of improvement this past week.  She has had less melt-downs and less hitting.  She has been more compliant and has been communicating more politely with full and complete sentences.  She has even been letting me potty-train her (something she resisted with vengeance a few weeks ago). With the melt-downs fewer and farther between, our house has seemed more peaceful and the tension in all my children has decreased.

My foster daughter put together these blocks and said with excitement, "I'm building Alicia's house".  (I can't show the photo of her face but imagine an extremely proud grin.)  I'm sure in her mind, it was just simple play. but I like this picture because this is a good reminder to me to build my house right.

Over the holidays, we visited two of my husband's sister's homes.  My foster son was in complete awe of how huge their homes were.  He said a few things to them that made us uncomfortable. As we drove back to our place he kept making comments about how rich Joseph's sisters must be.
I leaned back over the driver's seat and said, "They do have very nice houses don't they? But that's not what makes their place a great place to live.  They are rich in much more important ways."
He stopped to consider what I meant.
I continued, "A house is made of brick and stone but a home is made of love alone."
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.
"Listen again. What do you think it's supposed to mean? 'A house is made of brick and stone but a home is made of love alone.'"
"I don't get it." My foster son huffed.
"It means that you could have the richest, most biggest house on the block, and it will be absolutely worthless if there is no love felt inside that home.  It also means that 'home' is more of a feeling, than an actual place."
He continued to reflect on my words but didn't say anymore.

In my short experience of being a foster mom, there is one principle of practice that keeps coming back to my mind: "to build-up"... to build each soul that lives here.  I'm learning how important it is to recognize the smallest accomplishments, to praise each person for their efforts (even if they don't meet my expectations and especially when I don't feel like offering praise). What kind of house am I building?  What feelings reside within these walls and am I making it the place where there is enough love for Gods and angels to dwell?

"For the structure that we raise,

Time is with materials filled;

Our to-days and yesterdays

Are the blocks with which we build.

Truly shape and fashion these;

Leave no yawning gaps between;

Think not, because no man sees,

Such things will remain unseen.

In the elder days of Art,

Builders wrought with greatest care

Each minute and unseen part;

For the Gods see everywhere."

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

-Alicia

"All that [I] need" - Ponderize - Week 62

I like taking my kids to class with me at BYU. They always fight over who's turn it is since I only allow for one of them at a time.  All of them love it!  Well, almost all of them.... Chandler is the only one who doesn't really care to attend with me but he still loves to use the campus for his studies.  It works out great for him because he's only enrolled at the high school for his extracurricular classes. All his core classes are online so he can do those anywhere there is a computer.  His favorite thing is to use my student ID and password for the computers on campus to do his schoolwork.

This week is the last of my semester.  My foster son wanted to join me in my class tonight. He sat pretty quietly as he read the books he brought.  I was proud of his behavior.  

After the hour was finished, I walked my foster son over to the vending machines to let him pick a treat.  I think that's what he was looking forward to the most. He's envied the other kids when they've return from one of my classes with treats in hand.  He picked a soda and a pack of gum for his reward, skipping along with delight.

He wanted me to give him a tour of the whole campus. I walked him through a couple of buildings and drove him past a few more but said I'd have to save the rest for another time.  He seemed to really enjoy the opportunities this evening, asking when he'd be able to join me for class again. I told him I'd start up a couple more classes in January.  He was happy about that.

I've really enjoyed this semester.  So far, I'm getting the highest percentage grade out of everyone in my class (something I was not expecting at all).  I'm really excited about my final presentation for Saturday night. We're all giving our own short little Ted Talks; Mine will be about foster parenting.  I shared a portion of it in peer review today and got some great feedback. I'm so grateful I have this opportunity to go to school.  It is my dream come true!!  

I'm feeling really blessed in my life.  I think a good scripture for this week is 2 Corinthians 9:8,

"God is able to bless you abundantly, 

so that in all things at all times, 

having all that you need, 

you will abound in every good work." 

(NIV version)

-Alicia :)

Behind the Scenes

Foster care certainly has its challenges. Its exhausting and often overwhelming... but I have found the challenges are met far easier because of the help from my amazing children.  My appreciation for each of my biological children has increased a hundred fold this past month as I've watched them adapt to their new life with their new siblings. They have displayed more patience, more compassion, more resilience and more creativity than I ever thought possible. They are truly amazing!

My husband has shown great strength too. I'm so proud of his perseverance and patience. He is a wonderful example to me of humility and obedience before the Lord. I'm so incredibly grateful I have him at my side in this difficult journey.

We've had so many people from our new ward tell us that they've witnessed our foster kids make leaps and bounds of improvement since they've been placed with us. Honestly, so much credit goes to my husband and children.  My contribution is such a small fraction.  This has been a huge team effort.  There's no way I could move forward in this calling without each of them. I am richly blessed!

-Alicia

ABC - 123

Around 22 years ago I was given a special blessing that reminds me of my life's mission. In that blessing I was told that because of my Savior's sacrifice, I might "not only have life but [I'll] have it most abundantly".  This is a promise to all true followers of Christ! As I reflect on what the phrase means to "have life most abundantly" I think of what we are here on earth for: to learn.

Education is part of the abundant life, especially the education that shapes and molds our eternal destiny.  So, let's talk a little about ABC's and 123's... :)

Thomas S. Monson describes the abundant life as something to be sought after like a quest--through three applied principles:

"A is for Attitude--So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment.

B is for Believe--in yourself, in those around you, and in eternal principles... Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith.

C is for Courage--Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. 'Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'(Mary Anne Radmacher)"

- President Thomas S. Monson

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin gave a talk called "The Abundant Life" and in it, he lists three things that describe where we find it:

One-- Living Water: "Fully understood and embraced, the gospel of Jesus Christ heals broken hearts, infuses meaning into lives, binds loved ones together with ties that transcend mortality, and brings to life a sublime joy."

Two-- Love: "Love is the essence of the gospel and the greatest of all the commandments. The Savior taught that every other commandment and prophetic teaching hangs upon it.(Matt. 22:40). The Apostle Paul wrote that 'all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.'(Gal. 5:14)"

Three-- Make a masterpiece: "The third quality of those who live abundant lives is that they, with the help of their Heavenly Father, create a masterpiece of their lives. No matter our age, circumstances, or abilities, each one of us can create something remarkable of his life. David saw himself as a shepherd, but the Lord saw him as a king of Israel."

-Joseph B. Wirthlin

There you have it, my friends. It really is that simple.  It really is that beautiful! This really is the life!! Bless you in your noble quest to further your education! Enter to learn and go forth to serve! I believe in you.

-Alicia

Back to School

Winter Semester started for me today.  My stomach has been full of butterflies.  My husband reassured me that he felt nervous every time a new semester began for him too.  He often worried how he would be able to juggle everything in his new schedule.  I must have been running on pure adrenaline because I feel like I just plowed through this day at full speed. I had an extremely early morning, orthodontist appointments for the kids, grocery shopping, meal prepping, laundry, my class, and artwork to package and ship.  And I got it all done, what a blessing! I actually don't feel tired but I really should get to bed.

Walking up to campus today brought me those same feelings I had as I stepped out as an official student last April.  I'm sure I made some people curious because I couldn't wipe the grin off my face.  Someone still needs to pinch me because even though this semester will be my 5th class here, I still can't believe this is happening.

  Oh, by-the-way... my class this semester is American Heritage.  I absolutely love learning about the foundations of this country and the things that made it great and am thrilled to have this class. The book I'll be studying is called, "A City on a Hill" based off the scriptures found in Matt 5:14-16.  My teacher, Professor Madsen, served as our bishop three years ago.  I'll still never forget that Sunday in March where I had two witnesses confirm the direction I was heading.  Earlier that week, I had gone with my friend Suzanne to listen to a seminar my other friend, Jennifer, was speaking at.  Her subject was discovering our mission in life by studying our patriarchal blessing.  I sat on the edge of my seat and elbowed Suzanne, "I've got to go back to school.  I know this now.  I need to apply to BYU."  She was surprised at my statement but full of encouraging words, "That would be awesome! You should totally do it.  You go!"  The thought made me giddy and I couldn't shake it the rest of the week.  When Bishop Madsen had me visit him in his office to extend a calling to me that Sunday, he didn't know what had been on my mind but he was inspired.  When the appointment was over, he stopped me as I was leaving with my hand turning on the door knob,
"Wait, just one more thing... for whatever it's worth... You have a lot of gifts Alicia... and well... don't sell yourself short.  I'm not telling you to go back to school but I'm not telling you not to go back either."
That was confirmation #1 for me.
I smiled and shook his hand thinking to myself, "Funny he should mention it... the week I've been contemplating about that very subject."
I rounded the corner and made my way to the Relief Society room where my friend, Sherrie, was putting away chairs.  She asked how my husband's new job was going and then asked if I had considered going back to school.  "Funny you should ask that." I responded.  And thought to myself, "Confirmation #2!"
 I had known for years that I wanted to go back but imagined it would happen when all my kids were grown, not now while they're still young.  I guess the Lord was trying to tell me He had other plans.

I began to apply to BYU's art program but every time I sat down to do it, I had a stupor of thought and couldn't bring myself to make any moves in that direction.  Everything at home and with our schedules began to fall apart too.  I remember writing in my journal how I was hitting one wall after another.  One year later, I knew that I was not meant to pursue art at BYU. (This must have been the reason I felt so blocked when I began to apply for it.)  Instead, the message came crystal clear to me that I was to go into writing and speaking.  With writing, I feel comfortable because I can deliberately lay out my words, edit, use spell check, search in a thesaurus, and so on... but with speaking, it's a little harder... I feel like I'm sorely lacking composure, articulation, and vocabulary.  What I wouldn't give to share the deep things of my heart without blubbering or melting into a puddle of tears every time!

I've spoken about all this before and the events that followed in my older post "The Weak of the Earth."  I suppose that's what makes me smile so much and why I can't seem to wipe the cheesy grin off my face whenever I'm on campus.  However weak I am, I have never felt more perfectly guided in my life, as if the Lord had me by the shoulders and was giving me step-by-step direction to exactly where I needed to be.  It's an awesome feeling to know that God is at the helm!

Taking only one class a couple of times a year means graduation day is pretty far away for me.  But I have no complaints because I'm finding so much joy in this journey back to school!

-Alicia