Back to School

Winter Semester started for me today.  My stomach has been full of butterflies.  My husband reassured me that he felt nervous every time a new semester began for him too.  He often worried how he would be able to juggle everything in his new schedule.  I must have been running on pure adrenaline because I feel like I just plowed through this day at full speed. I had an extremely early morning, orthodontist appointments for the kids, grocery shopping, meal prepping, laundry, my class, and artwork to package and ship.  And I got it all done, what a blessing! I actually don't feel tired but I really should get to bed.

Walking up to campus today brought me those same feelings I had as I stepped out as an official student last April.  I'm sure I made some people curious because I couldn't wipe the grin off my face.  Someone still needs to pinch me because even though this semester will be my 5th class here, I still can't believe this is happening.

  Oh, by-the-way... my class this semester is American Heritage.  I absolutely love learning about the foundations of this country and the things that made it great and am thrilled to have this class. The book I'll be studying is called, "A City on a Hill" based off the scriptures found in Matt 5:14-16.  My teacher, Professor Madsen, served as our bishop three years ago.  I'll still never forget that Sunday in March where I had two witnesses confirm the direction I was heading.  Earlier that week, I had gone with my friend Suzanne to listen to a seminar my other friend, Jennifer, was speaking at.  Her subject was discovering our mission in life by studying our patriarchal blessing.  I sat on the edge of my seat and elbowed Suzanne, "I've got to go back to school.  I know this now.  I need to apply to BYU."  She was surprised at my statement but full of encouraging words, "That would be awesome! You should totally do it.  You go!"  The thought made me giddy and I couldn't shake it the rest of the week.  When Bishop Madsen had me visit him in his office to extend a calling to me that Sunday, he didn't know what had been on my mind but he was inspired.  When the appointment was over, he stopped me as I was leaving with my hand turning on the door knob,
"Wait, just one more thing... for whatever it's worth... You have a lot of gifts Alicia... and well... don't sell yourself short.  I'm not telling you to go back to school but I'm not telling you not to go back either."
That was confirmation #1 for me.
I smiled and shook his hand thinking to myself, "Funny he should mention it... the week I've been contemplating about that very subject."
I rounded the corner and made my way to the Relief Society room where my friend, Sherrie, was putting away chairs.  She asked how my husband's new job was going and then asked if I had considered going back to school.  "Funny you should ask that." I responded.  And thought to myself, "Confirmation #2!"
 I had known for years that I wanted to go back but imagined it would happen when all my kids were grown, not now while they're still young.  I guess the Lord was trying to tell me He had other plans.

I began to apply to BYU's art program but every time I sat down to do it, I had a stupor of thought and couldn't bring myself to make any moves in that direction.  Everything at home and with our schedules began to fall apart too.  I remember writing in my journal how I was hitting one wall after another.  One year later, I knew that I was not meant to pursue art at BYU. (This must have been the reason I felt so blocked when I began to apply for it.)  Instead, the message came crystal clear to me that I was to go into writing and speaking.  With writing, I feel comfortable because I can deliberately lay out my words, edit, use spell check, search in a thesaurus, and so on... but with speaking, it's a little harder... I feel like I'm sorely lacking composure, articulation, and vocabulary.  What I wouldn't give to share the deep things of my heart without blubbering or melting into a puddle of tears every time!

I've spoken about all this before and the events that followed in my older post "The Weak of the Earth."  I suppose that's what makes me smile so much and why I can't seem to wipe the cheesy grin off my face whenever I'm on campus.  However weak I am, I have never felt more perfectly guided in my life, as if the Lord had me by the shoulders and was giving me step-by-step direction to exactly where I needed to be.  It's an awesome feeling to know that God is at the helm!

Taking only one class a couple of times a year means graduation day is pretty far away for me.  But I have no complaints because I'm finding so much joy in this journey back to school!

-Alicia