A Cause for Celebration

 Joseph and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary and Joseph's 42nd Birthday on Sunday, October 8th.

We had a great time celebrating over the weekend. We went out to eat, I reserved tickets to a play Friday night, and then we went to Joseph's favorite Brazilian restaurant for lunch on Saturday.

On Sunday, I walked in late to the marriage class, scanned the room and couldn't see Joseph anywhere so I just took an open seat in the front. The instructor asked questions about the role of the father in the home and I suddenly heard a familiar voice answer from the very back. (There he was! I didn't see him when I walked in.) I raised my hand after Joseph finished speaking to share a comment and also gave a quick hello to him, "Hi honey! I didn't see you when I walked in."
"Oh, hi! I didn't see you either." The class laughed. Joseph got up and walked to the front, taking the seat next to me. I put my arm around him.
Others in the marriage class gave an audible "ah"... because it was cute.

After church we enjoyed an nice family ride through Provo Canyon, it was freezing outside. We ate a simple dinner at a park, and then drove the Alpine Loop to take in all the gorgeous fall colors. Joseph and I got out of the van for a quick photo with memorable places of our courtship and proposal in the background. (Timp trail and Theater in the Pines.)

On our drive, Joseph reflected on our marriage class earlier that day and asked me if the comment he made seemed to make sense at all.
I smiled because I didn't remember exactly what he had said in class.





I turned to him and replied, "Honestly honey, when I recognized it was you talking in the back of the room, I lost focus because I began to think to myself:
 'Oh... there he is! I was looking for him, I'm glad he came to the same class! Whatever comment Joseph is making right now is a really good one because he's such a wonderful father. I'm so proud of him. Man, I hope that these people are listening to what he has to say because he's right. I'm so glad I have him in my life.'" I grinned sheepishly and batted my eyelashes... "So, the short answer is. I'm sure it made sense."

Joseph chuckled at my response. That wasn't the feedback he was looking for but he couldn't argue with it. Normally, he might have been a little irritated that I had spaced out when he was talking (because I do that so much with everyone. It's a terrible habit and I'm really working on changing... really) But this time my lack of an answer was perfectly okay because he could see it was a very good kind of "spacing out." :)

Here's to 18 years of marriage and 42 years of Joseph! I love you! 'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er! ;)

Chandler was too cool to sing happy birthday or be in the picture. He's sitting behind me out of the camera's view
...right where I could easily kick him in the butt. ;)

Seeking to Learn

I've really enjoyed Education Week so far! Joseph, Chandler, Miriam, and I have all been going to the evening classes. Two of my classes are on improving marriage.

Some of my biggest take-away's from the marriage classes have been my need to purposefully and deliberately choose a more positive vocabulary. When expressing desires or emotions with Joseph and the kids, I know that I set the tone quite often in my home... It's good for me to evaluate if my conversations are centered on complaining or complimenting. I think by praying daily for the ability to recognize the law of the harvest in my home, I will more consciously sow positive expressions and sincere praise.

Because life rarely goes how we expect it to, it can be easy to feel a little jaded. This is where I think faith comes in. Don't expect so much -be more grateful for small things. It takes faith to keep putting forth effort, time, energy, and positive reinforcements into our most vital relationships -  It takes faith because we rarely see the results right away. But no kind words, no thoughtful gesture, no act of self-less service, no time set aside for our spouse or our children is ever wasted!

I enjoyed a youth class with my kids the other evening about trials. The speaker cited from the lives of some ancient and modern day prophets who went through severe trials. He drew our attention to how their lives unfolded in the end and that it was the very hardships and struggles that shaped and molded them into the inspirational characters of history we revere.

I found a verse in my scripture study today that goes well with these thoughts on trials:

"The Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.... And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind, and they did sing praises unto the Lord" - Ether 6:5,8,9

I'm sure the wind and waves made the Jaredites very sick and frustrated multiple times on their journey across the ocean...  but it was those very two elements that God used to get them to the promised land. I'm sure in the end, they were praising the Lord for the wind and waves. This gives me hope.

-Alicia

"Love, is what you go through together."

8/19/17

We didn't quite make it to the summit by sunrise but we were close, very close! We started a little after 3 a.m. and arrived to the very top of Timp around 7:30 am.  Joseph brought his camera and tried several times along the way to get a clear picture of the waning crescent moon with Venus dangling above it. This one turned out pretty cool! And to think, in just two days, that moon would be covering the Sun in a total eclipse!!

Everything with the hike up went smoothly. We stayed at the summit for almost an hour, basking in the golden rays of morning light. It was magical!

On the way down however, only a few yards into the decent, Joseph's left knee locked up and he couldn't move his leg. He was in terrible pain!

Just past the glacier, I ran ahead down the trail another mile to some hikers who were from our ward. They supplied me with extra food and water.  And because I didn't have a cell phone, they also said when they got back home, they would swing over to our place to relay to our children why we were delayed.  I could finally relax knowing that we now had plenty of water and knowing the kids were aware that we would be several hours late.  

I ran back up to where Joseph was. He hobbled and groaned as he continued to inch his way. 

"Take your time," I said. My words weren't the most reassuring because he wanted to be through hiking right then and there, he didn't want to take his time!

I walked slowly along his side and tried to keep him company. My attempts at humor to lighten the mood were just plain dumb. At least he cracked a couple smiles. I wished I had been strong enough to carry him. Every step shot a burning pain into his knee which began to spread into his hip and lower back.  What took us four-and-a-half hours to hike up, took us almost seven hours to hike down!

I don't think it was a completely terrible experience hiking back because some great lessons in marriage came to my mind as we walked the descending trail side-by-side: The importance of patience, of taking life one step at a time, of staying together, of encouraging and nourishing each other through thick and thin. 

We rested at the waterfall just above where Joseph proposed to me 18 years ago. The mist was refreshing.  I wasn't bothered at all with how long everything was taking. I was grateful just to be with him.
It reminded me of the quote by James Thurber, "Love, is what you go through together."  :)

Always and Forever,

 - Alicia

Stand By You - Rachel Platten

"Hands, put your empty hands in mine
And scars—show me all the scars you hide
And hey, if your wings are broken
Please take mine so yours can open, too
'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes
And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I
And, love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine 'til yours can open, too
'Cause I'm gonna stand by you...

...You're all I never knew I needed
And the heart—sometimes it's unclear why it's beating
And, love, if your wings are broken
We can brave through those emotions, too
'Cause I'm gonna stand by you

Oh, truth—I guess truth is what you believe in
And faith—I think faith is having a reason
And I know now, love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine 'til yours can open, too
'Cause I'm gonna stand by you...

...I'll be your eyes 'til yours can shine
And I'll be your arms, I'll be your steady satellite
And when you can't rise, well, I'll crawl with you on hands and knees
'Cause I... I'm gonna stand by you

Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through Hell with you
Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through Hell with you
Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you"

The Pathway to Peace

These past twelve months have been some of the hardest months of my entire life. Our family has gone through some dramatic and painful changes. In reflection of all that has happened, I keep asking myself what there is to learn from it all. What is the Lord trying to teach me? What is He trying to teach us?

I keep thinking of the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the things I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference." 

Oh, how I pray through all the struggle, "Please help me to learn wisdom!!"

It's funny, but I almost forgot.

As I typed this serenity prayer, a memory flashed into my mind.
When Joseph and I were engaged, a week or two before our wedding date, he became terribly paralyzed with fear, almost to the point of calling the wedding off. I remember him saying, "I promise, It's not you, it's me. I'm afraid I will fail as a husband and father. I'm afraid I won't be able to endure when things get tough." 

I think we all face similar fears throughout our lives. Turn on the news or take a walk down the street, and you'll see some of the best marriages and families falling apart right before your eyes.  No one wants to become another statistic.

As a response to my husband's engagement jitters, I bought him this serenity prayer etched in glass. It looked a little something like the one I've posted here -- the only difference is the one I gave him was rectangle and also had a rose at the bottom. 

He warned me before we married that he suffered greatly with depression. I told him not to worry because four of my six family members had severe depression and not much could phase me: My mom was hospitalized for at least a month or so more than three times for her bipolar. And my dad, brother, and sister had all attempted suicide and had been hospitalized for that. I assured Joseph then from my family experiences that I was quite familiar with depression.

I don't know if that consoled him or not. Ha! It probably frightened him even more thinking about the genes we'd pass on to our children.  I'm just grateful that our kids so far seem to be doing great and despite my husband's depression through all these years, Joseph has never needed to be admitted to a facility like my mom, dad, or siblings. Of course, he's had his rough moments but who doesn't? He's doing far better than the members of my family did. I think he's done quite alright!

It's interesting though, I look back on how our marriage has unfolded together, all that we've been through, and the little gift I bought when he was feeling so low-- I realize that prayer was more for me than it was for him. All these years, through every hardship we have faced, every struggle, this prayer has come into my mind. 

And guess what? Today, after all these years, I discovered that there is more to the prayer. Can you believe it? All this time and I'm only now finding this out. I love this second half. It's absolutely beautiful! This is the prayer in its entirety:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

enjoying one moment at a time; 

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will; 

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next. 

Amen.

- Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

I like that line, "accepting hardships as the pathway to peace... trusting that He [God] will make all things right". So many of us often fear tribulation because in the moment it feels like it's going to take us down, like it's going to crush us - but there is another side to it we often don't see. 

Napoleon Hill once said, "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." That's the vision we want to capture when we come face to face with life's struggles. Wisdom, character, and beauty are forged in the furnace of affliction. Therefore, "Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course." -William Shakespeare

-Alicia

Together

Lately, Joseph sends me a email randomly about once a week with expressions of love and encouragement. I've thanked him graciously but words fail to describe how much his little notes mean.

As we work side-by-side with this particular foster case and monitor our own children's behavior as a result, we are facing some very difficult choices. This past week, Joseph sent me a couple of links to some conference talks as encouragement. These are some of the quotes that really stood out to me in them:

"[Life’s journey] is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say, “No,” the courage to say, “Yes.” Decisions do determine destiny." - President Thomas S. Monson

"It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is.
It all works out. Don’t worry. …
The Lord will not forsake us.
He will not forsake us.
If we will put our trust in Him,
if we will pray to Him,
if we will live worthy of His blessings,
He will hear our prayers."
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

I'm so grateful for Joseph, for his companionship. These past few years, he has learned to give simple gestures, affection, and expressions that truly sustain me. I commit to doing the same for him. This is what it's all about.

"It is so rewarding to be married. Marriage is wonderful. In time you begin to think alike and have the same ideas and impressions. You have times when you are extremely happy, times of testing, and times of trial, but the Lord guides you through all of those growth experiences together." - Richard G. Scott

-Alicia

One of Joseph's many emails :)

All About Learning

Joseph took work off today so we could enjoy a nice morning hike together. He's been so good about making sure we have time alone. Our dates are more frequent and consistent than ever and I love it! I think Joseph has felt more protective of me because of all we are experiencing with foster care. He's anxious to make sure I'm holding up okay.  It's very sweet of him.

It's been great to see how my kids protectively look out for me too. I have one class this semester at BYU. It has been pretty easy because it's a religion class and I use part of my scripture study time in the early morning to do my reading assignments which works out well because they're assigned from the scriptures. The exams are a little tough though. Last night, I had to study for one but couldn't really get to it until late in the evening. When I finally made it into my room to study, my foster daughter kept screaming for me. I could hear Miriam outside my bedroom door patiently working with her and helping her understand that I couldn't come out of my room. Miriam really is a miracle-worker when it comes to children.

Chandler also tried to help give me the space I needed to study. When he heard our foster daughter screaming for me again, he bounded up the stairs with a growl to "stop her"... which resulted in Miriam, Joseph, Micah, and Kaylee all dog-piling Chandler to "protect" our foster daughter. Ha ha! Despite that bit of drama, I really do appreciate Chandler's heart in it.  He really does look out for me.

It has been amazing to watch my children in this huge life-change for them and I've been so pleased to see them adjust as well as they have.  I think Micah and Kaylee have dealt with the most. They both have demonstrated incredible compassion, making room, giving time, teaching patiently, and sharing. I worry though... because I think some damage has been done to Kaylee emotionally so we've made an effort to get her therapy from a Dr. who specializes with foster families.

As hard as it has been, I must say that our foster kids have shown huge positive changes from when they first moved in with us. They are learning what it means to have boundaries, personal space, and healthy communication. They are learning responsibilities, learning to work, learning to play, learning to be creative, and use their imaginations. They are learning how a mom and a dad should treat each other. They are learning what it's like to have a book read to them, to have positive physical affection, and to feel safe at night.

We're all learning so much. I've said it before and I'll say it again:

Show me a person who has innumerable followers, popularity, high accolades, degrees and doctorates, scholarly knowledge, who has read all the books and passed all the tests but who has never learned to care for their family, never learned to be civil in conversation, never learned to recognize and act upon the Spirit, never learned to reach beyond their obsession of self to sincerely love their neighbor, who has never learned to truly love and truly serve - and you've shown me a fool, indeed.

I truly believe that best kind of education is found in meaningful relationships, it is found in learning to love, to step outside our self in the most exhausting and difficult circumstances.

-Alicia

First Things First and What Matters Most

My husband and I have been fasting and praying for greater compassion and endurance in this journey as foster parents.  This new life had been difficult but we have felt blessings poured out upon us in miraculous ways.  My husband and I have grown so close through all of this and have become quite the team. Joseph is the number one person I look out for and he looks out for me.  I think the most common questions we ask each other throughout the day are, "What do you need from me?" and "What can I do to help make your day better?" Most of the time, all we need is a good long hug.

Now, I believe it's very important for mothers to invest their time with their children and I try to make it a point to give each child a little one-on-one as I go around and say good night.  But one day (faster than we can imagine) all the children will be grown and gone... and the one person who will remain is my husband. My children will go their various directions, travel their separate ways, but Joseph and I will remain together.  We know that if we can thoroughly enjoy and create wonderful intimate moments in all our current chaos, then how much sweeter our companionship will be after the dust settles!

I just read a portion of this talk given by Elder Nelson at BYU in 2000 called, "Identity, Priority, and Blessings." I love how he describes his relationship with his wife:

"Some people on life’s journey forget who they really are and what is really important. Without sure identity and priority, blessings that matter most are at the mercy of things that matter least...

...Through thick and thin, Sister Nelson and I have merged our identity and fixed our focus on our highest priority, our eternal marriage. Through the prolonged period of education and later medical practice, she could have complained about my schedule, but she never did. Our children did not feel they were deprived of their father’s time, simply because Sister Nelson never murmured. Their attitudes were shaped by her attitude. Every moment we were together she seized as an opportunity to provide a little bit of heaven on earth for me and our children.

Now our children are adults with little ones of their own. We enjoy extended family home evenings once a month with all available members of our family. At that time we also celebrate family birthdays. Many names are written on each birthday cake. After those gala gatherings are over—when peace and quiet have again been restored—Sister Nelson and I lovingly embrace each other, grateful that we never allowed anything to take higher priority than our love—husband for wife, and wife for husband."

Isn't that beautiful? Especially the part where he says that they never allowed anything to take higher priority than their love. 

-Alicia

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope you have great plans to show the most important people in your life that you love them! It doesn't need to be extravagant or outlandish --It really is the small and simple things that make the difference.

Everyone, both men and women, want to know that they are cared for, that they are thought of, that they're important. True and pure love is the most powerful force in the universe. Pure love inspires people to accomplish their dreams, to be more faithful in their relationships, and to become the very best they could become. Pure love stems from selflessness and gratitude.  There is no thought of return, no concern for "what's in it for me?"-- it just simply gives of their time and self freely, verbally, physically, affectionately, thoughtfully.

My challenge today is to first, show this great love to those within the walls of your own home and then second, find someone who lives alone and do something for them today. Make it a ripple effect!

“There are many souls whom I have loved stronger than death. To them I have proved faithful—to them I am determined to prove faithful, until God calls me to resign up my breath.”

- Joseph Smith

Happy Valentine's!
Everybody wants to be loved!
- Alicia

Behind the Scenes

Foster care certainly has its challenges. Its exhausting and often overwhelming... but I have found the challenges are met far easier because of the help from my amazing children.  My appreciation for each of my biological children has increased a hundred fold this past month as I've watched them adapt to their new life with their new siblings. They have displayed more patience, more compassion, more resilience and more creativity than I ever thought possible. They are truly amazing!

My husband has shown great strength too. I'm so proud of his perseverance and patience. He is a wonderful example to me of humility and obedience before the Lord. I'm so incredibly grateful I have him at my side in this difficult journey.

We've had so many people from our new ward tell us that they've witnessed our foster kids make leaps and bounds of improvement since they've been placed with us. Honestly, so much credit goes to my husband and children.  My contribution is such a small fraction.  This has been a huge team effort.  There's no way I could move forward in this calling without each of them. I am richly blessed!

-Alicia

My Girl!

I have the best news ever!!  My niece, Alexa, has decided to be baptized as a member of the Church. Her date is set for this coming Saturday!

Yesterday, she invited me, Joseph and the kids to go on a missionary tour to downtown Temple Square with her boyfriend (Conner), and the Elders who have been teaching her the discussions.  My parents met up with us at the visitor center too.  One of the Elders is from the home town my dad's mom is from in Goldsboro, North Carolina.  He loved that!

In the upstairs of the North Visitor Center they have a really cool presentation that takes you through the Proclamation to the World on the Family.  It was my first time ever seeing it and I thought it was great! I really hope things work out for Conner and Alexa to have their own family someday.  He's always extremely respectful of her.  I love that the two of them can have the time of their life without their hands all over each other.  Their relationship is so much deeper and so much more.  He truly is her best friend and they can talk about anything.  Conner is getting ready to serve a mission.  Alexa has been very supportive of his decision even though it's not easy to send him away.

I found out Conner's dad is just one year older than Joseph and his mom is almost 3 years older than me.  His dad went to Bingham High just like Joseph and His mom went to my high school in West Jordan.  Kinda crazy!  I unofficially adopted Alexa as my own when she was three, when her parents divorced.  She's my girl!  I can't help but take an interest in making sure she dates and ultimately marries a wonderful guy.  Conner definitely has my stamp of approval.

Alexa has aquired a lot of family in the wake of her parent's relationships. Even Joseph's side of the family knows her quite well from me bringing her with us to several of his gatherings. It's going to be a very large crowd showing up to support her for her baptism.  I even think her mom (my sister) might go, which would be amazing because Amy hasn't set foot in a church since her first divorce.  Alexa's dad refuses to be there though, which I think is sad... but Alexa is handling it very well and is choosing not to be offended.  She has maturely accepted his choice to stay away.

Alexa has asked if I would speak at her baptism.  I'm absolutely thrilled at the invitation.  I only hope I can get through the talk without blubbering my whole way.  When we dropped Alexa off after our wonderful afternoon together, I admiringly watched how tightly Chandler hugged his cousin. I don't think I've ever seen him hug anyone that tight before. He has always loved her. I know he looks up to her and values the choices she is making.

As my husband and I knelt in prayer that evening I thanked my Father in Heaven for Alexa's example to my children.  I love this sweet girl.  She is pure and genuine, beautiful and humble, gentle and thoughtful!  What a blessing she has always been and always will be in all of our lives!

-Alicia

Chandler, Micah, Miriam, and Alexa - 2007

Welcome To My House

We did respite foster care again this past weekend for the span of four days.  This is the only foster care we can really do until we get settled in our home and receive our own placements.  It's been a great opportunity to experience different ages and personalities.  This last weekend was the very first I've had to supervise a bio-parent visit.  It was just over the phone so I didn't have to take our "bonus kid" anywhere to meet up.  He has regular phone calls with them every other night, so we got to supervise twice.  It was very touching because every visit concludes with him singing along with his mom and dad two songs, Down in the Valley and You Are My Sunshine.
I cleaned the kitchen as I listened in:

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray.  You'll never know dear how much I love you.  Please don't take my [sunshine] away!

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms.  When I awakened I was mistaken and I hung my head and cried.  You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.  You make me happy when skies are gray.  You'll never know dear how much I love you.  Please don't take my [sunshine] away!"

Instead of singing please don't take my "sunshine" the father replaced it with the name of his son.  In that context, I could see that even though his parents still struggle with drug addiction, they love their son and they are deeply afraid of losing him.  "Please don't take him away" was their plea.  My heart broke for them and I had to hide my face from the boy so he couldn't see the tears welling up in my eyes. Wow, what a bitter-sweet scene to witness!

We can't really ask many questions about these kids and their backgrounds.  Most of them are uncomfortable talking about it anyway but in our foster training we are also discouraged from digging or prying because we aren't certified therapists. I must be careful with social media too. I cannot post pictures of these children or write their names anywhere in order to keep their location protected.

This boy we watched was very sweet.  You could tell his speech was underdeveloped, possibly from neglect during his most impressionable years.  He was only removed just a few months ago, so everything is still very fresh with him.

He loves skateboarding, dancing, and singing.  One evening, he kept requesting Kidz Bop "Welcome To My House" and would bust out in some awesome break-dance moves. It was adorable!!  I couldn't help but wonder if his interest in music and dancing was therapeutic for him.

He attended my daughter's baptism on Saturday and also joined our family for Sunday services.  I was so proud of him because both times, he behaved like a little gentleman.  Part way through the meeting, he leaned over and asked if I would scratch his back.  I was surprised by his request because in training we learned that most kids his age will avoid affection as a result of attachment issues... nevertheless, he cuddled-up to me like a contented little kitten.

Sunday evening, he shared with me some pictures he painted on his tablet.  We talked about his favorite colors as he swiped quickly through the various images in his folder.  Then he paused at this image of a flower with five pedals and a drifting bud near its side.  Pointing at the small blossom he said, "That's me, removed from my family." I appreciated his expression through his art.
"So let me guess, the big flower is your mom, dad, and three older siblings?"
"Yes" he replied.
The background to the flowers were painted black so no-one could see that the flowers were attached.
I asked him to switch the background to white.  When he did, the stem and how the blossom came together became visible.
"Is this how you want it to be?"  I asked.

"Yes" he responded shyly.
I didn't know what to say.  I didn't want to give him false hope but I said I would pray that one day he could be with his family again.  I assured him that it wasn't his fault that he was separated and praised him for being such a good kid.

The biological bond is not easily broken for a reason.  It seems to be a need innate within every human soul.  My experiences have caused me great reflection on the importance of The Family Proclamation.

To aim for a society that upholds the traditional family, that seeks to strengthen marriage between a man and a woman, that seeks earnestly to provide environments where children can be brought up by their own mother and their own father committed to each other is essential to the mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of individuals which ripples out into the well-being of society as a whole.  I realize it isn't always possible but it should always be sought for.  Biology is not bigotry.

As these foster children come into my home, I will do all I can to make them feel loved and welcomed.  I want to help them in every possible way... but I won't be able to give them what they  ALL desire more than anything else; a strong stable family with their biological mother and their biological father.

-Alicia

Yodel-aye-heee!

I had heard about him from my co-workers.  Everyone was trying to set us up but he was shy and his friend, Mike, ended up being the one basically asking me out for him.

"Do you like yodeling?"

Uh, that was about the strangest question I had ever been asked.  "Sure, I guess so..." I answered, wondering what Mike was up to.

"Are you doing anything Friday night?" he continued.

"No."

"She's available." Mike smiled and punched Joseph in the arm playfully, "There ya go man, now ask her!"

Joseph timidly announced, "Uh... yeah... um... I have tickets to the Swiss Yodeling Concert at Abravanel Hall on June 18th if you want to go."

I said it sounded great and that I'd be happy to.  I was proud of him for finally asking me out, the guy who everyone in the warehouse was trying to set me up with. He had been home from a mission for almost three years, never had a girlfriend, and never kissed anyone.  (No wonder the whole dating scene was nerve-racking for him.)  But I move quickly and well... let's just say, he learned how to kiss (quite well I might add) and we were married exactly 16 weeks later.

 Ladee-oda-ladee-oda-loo  
Woo!

Happy first-date anniversary to my Joseph!

XOXO

Scrolling On Through - Throwback Thursday

The other day I was scrolling through my old blog to see what I had written in years past.  Just for fun, I decided to search for what I may have posted on exactly this day several years ago.  I couldn't find anything for this same day anywhere...  but a short post in June seven years ago caught my eye.  I think it stood out to me because it was only a couple of sentences long and I had highly recommended that all married couples listen to it.   The title read, "When All Else Fails, Love Never Gives Up." I remembered loving that talk.  When I heard it, it was the same year Joseph and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, This was great advice from a woman who had been married 60 years.

I tried clicking on the link to but it no longer worked.  Hmmm.  I searched the speaker's name directly on BYU's Speeches but still nothing came up.  This made me even more determined to find out just where I could listen to the talk again.  After a little more searching, I found it.  (Sister Johnson's is the third one from the top of this page.) I was super excited because this site not only has Sister Johnson's talk, it has a whole entire archive of Education Week talks.  I think I just struck gold!  

I'm glad I had these things recorded in my old blog.  The only regret I have with the posts from there is that I wish I would've written more of what was going on in my life.  There's so much in that blog where I only gave references to talks or quotes but I didn't really take time to put down more personal thoughts, impressions, and stories of the day.

-Alicia

Focusing on the Divine

"For two weeks make a special effort to strengthen your relationship with a family member by showing love through your actions. Refrain from judging, criticizing, or speaking unkindly, and watch for positive qualities in that family member. Write notes of encouragement, pray for this family member, find ways to be helpful, and verbally express your love." 

I'm working on my Personal Progress for Young Women's and I absolutely LOVE this goal!  It's fittingly under the category of Divine Nature.

The thing I really love is how the very process of seeking out and acknowledging the positive (verbally or written)  is really just a resolve to focus on the divine. I think it's the essence of soulful gratitude.  This mental and emotional shift outside ourselves, this conscious effort to encourage and build others, especially those in our own family, will help us see them with the light of truth.  And the truth will set us free!

There are so many ways we can do this...  I love to think of the possibilities. When we sincerely choose to focus on the good in others, it will not matter what the response is because it's not a boomerang initiative, giving in order to get.  It's more like a "bulls-eye" initiative with genuine straight-arrow purpose and direction to aim at the center, the very heart of each other's infinite worth, giving purely to give.

To me, this is what Christ does for all of us.  He sets the example of what it means to lift, to build, to pray for, to encourage, and focus on the divine... regardless of how deserving we are and regardless of our response.  I revere Him for that!

I'll close this post with a really cool quote from the American athlete four-time gold medalist, Jesse Owens:

“Find the good. It’s all around you. Find it, showcase it and you’ll start believing in it.”

-Alicia :)

To take the sorrow out of death...

My blog friend, Ramona, lost her husband a couple of weeks ago on March 23rd.  He was only 58.

Today, April 15th, is Ramona's birthday.  How strange it must feel to have this day of birth "to celebrate" when half of your body and soul has been torn from you.

"To everything there is a season"... and this is a season of mourning for my friend.  I pray for her. I ache for her.

I'm reminded of President Nelson's words, "Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (D&C 42:45.)

Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."

We live over 2,000 miles apart and I wish with all my heart I could be closer so I could serve her and help her during this tremendously lonely and mournful time.

This song is for you, Ramona.

Held

-Alicia

As God Wants it to Grow

In honor of Valentine's Day here are some of my favorite talks on love and one of my favorite quotes:

"Instead of allowing yourself to be unhappy, 

just let your love grow as God wants it to grow. 

Seek goodness in others. 

Love more persons more -- love them more impersonally, 

more unselfishly, without thought of return. 

The return, never fear, will take care of itself."

- Henry Drummond

These talks have strengthened and helped the love in my marriage truly blossom and grow into something wonderful.  I have listened to them more times than I can count. They have helped me regain focus, to leave selfishness behind, and remember what truly matters most.  Self-help books and advice from magazines or popular authors could never compare to the truths found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He gave the perfect example and "We love Him because He first loved us." (Herein is the key to true power and true influence.) Christ was love personified.

1. However Long and Hard the Road
2. Remember Lot's Wife
3. How Do I Love Thee
4. Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments
5. Come What May and Love It
6. Meekly Drenched in Destiny
7. The Divine Gift of Gratitude

-Alicia  <3

"Zion Shall Not Be Moved" -Ponderize - Week 19

These last couple of days I haven't been able to decide on a scripture to ponderize for the week.  After this evening, I have finally chosen one.

I attended a cottage meeting tonight that Big Ocean hosted where two of my friends presented.  Mother and author, Nicholeen Peck, spoke and so did JaKell Sullivan, who has been a strong voice against Common Core for many years now.  My friend Kim Ells, assistant for Family Watch International, showed an informative and extremely disturbing video on what is entailed in the Comprehensive Sex Education Curriculum that the Federal Gov. is trying to push in every State. (They've already succeeded in some.)

It wasn't really new information to me since I heard a great deal about these teachings when I went to the United Nations and World Congress last year.  I knew these disgusting  publications were being distributed to youth through the International Planned Parenthood Federation and our own Planned Parenthood. It's just now their teachings are getting published into our education system and encapsulated in words like "sexual health" so it's "easier" for schools to choke it down their throats.

It grieves my soul and inflicts great sorrow upon my heart to see something so wonderful, so beautiful, so sacred, this very real sacrament with God, cheapened, trampled, exploited, and dragged through the mire.  It's a clear shot bullet to the heads of our innocent children.

This is a very real war and the firing squad is mowing down our babies.  People  just don't understand how very serious this is. I would encourage every parent I know to get informed.  http://www.comprehensivesexualityeducation.org/

Sometime tomorrow I should be able to get access to the 20 min. video my friend Kim showed tonight.  When I do, I'll be certain to share it.

I have no doubt that we will witness in the next few years a massive division take place all across the globe.  It's happening now.  But we must not lose heart... with that division also means there will be a great unification.  People of all faiths, all nations, all races and backgrounds are coming together to combat these attacks.  I've seen it.

I really need a verse that is hopeful to ponderize this week to help me remember this:

 "Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God. Zion shall not be moved out of her place, notwithstanding her children are scattered.  They that remain, and are pure in heart, shall return, and come to their inheritances, they and their children, with songs of everlasting joy, to build up the waste places of Zion."— D&C 101:16 - 18

-Alicia

Taking Notes

What a fantastic week of education this has been for me!  There is so much to learn.  I had the opportunity of attending World Congress of Families IX in Salt Lake City.  The Sutherland Institute invited our group Big Ocean to participate.  They sponsored five or six of us to stay at the Grand America Hotel with our families.  Last time I traveled with Big Ocean I was away from home for several days and I felt a little out of place being unable to touch and see my family each day.  So this was super nice to bring them along with me, to run up between meetings and leave them with little notes, treats, and hugs.

Speaking of notes... I tried to take some from all the different presenters, eager to jot their words down with pen and paper in hand.  The women from our group on either side of me sat ready to record as well.  Their pens were smoking and they wrote much quicker than I did. Because I'm so slow, I admit I had to copy from their papers most of the time.  So many wise and profound words!  I loved hearing the diverse Christian groups all stand for the same principles.

The bad news is, I lost my notebook. It wasn't fantastic, didn't have much order, and was probably only legible to me.  (Not many people can decode my scribbles.)  Nevertheless, I'm sad that I misplaced it.  I'm certain it has since been tossed in the garbage from housekeeping by now.

The good news is, the women who I went with took notes and they've captured much more than I could.  I'm grateful I at least have these to remember:

• Heather Farrell, who is well known for writing Women in the Scriptures recapped some wonderful points in her post Five Things for Friday-- World Congress of Families Edition.  She goes into detail of what Wendy Ulrich said about the stages of marriage.  Very good stuff!

• Jeanette Bennet, founder and editor of Utah Valley Magazine wrote a great article entitled 10 Ways to Defend the Family

• Taralyn Parker from our group also wrote an article in the magazine. 8 Ways to Strengthen Your Family and Community

I've asked myself and I've asked God to help me know what steps I need to take so that I might improve and be more prepared to protect the freedoms we have long enjoyed.  These are the answers that have come to me:

1. Schedule time to educate myself... yes I said "schedule." As completely unstructured as I am, I know I need to be a little more disciplined and block in a certain amount of time to read the material people like Family Watch International are putting out. Even if it is for just 20 min. per week.  I don't want to go into bondage because I have no knowledge as it says in Isaiah 5:13
2.  Read to my children more. Schedule in a regular time to do this. Don't underestimate the power of story telling.  Read to my kids and tell them of the victorious heroes from world and American history and from my own family history.  I need to make this a bigger more central part of my homeschooling.
3. Speak out - Be bold and brave but not overbearing. Share with others my testimony and convictions no matter their response, no matter if it's rejected or unpopular, or if I'm mocked for what I stand for.   “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer
4. Be Optimistic.  Keep my head held high and my eyes heavenward.  Discovering the plan that Satan has is dark, ugly, and monstrous to put it mildly.  It is enough to easily bring one down to despair and horrible fear. But faith always dispels fear.  We know Who wins the battle.  We know which side wins.  God is able to do His work.  "They that be with us are more than they that be with them."  No matter what happens in my life, no matter the persecution or trial.  I know I have the power to call down heaven, to lift the veil and be surrounded by angels of God on every side.

-Alicia

The Two Most Powerful Words

If we are not hearing these two words combined in our homes very often, there is a strong possibility that relationships there are struggling.  What two words am I'm talking about?  I had fun quizzing my husband this morning:


Me: Okay, I've got a question.  Which two words do you think studies have shown to be the most common among the longest lasting relationships?

Husband: "You're right."

Me: Ha ha. Nope, try again.

Husband: "I'm sorry."

Me: Good one but that's not it either.

Husband: Hmm...  I don't know.

Me: That's three words. ;)

Husband: Tell me, what is it?

Me: It's "Thank you."  Studies have shown that in homes where gratitude is habitually and openly expressed, the relationships are more lasting and much stronger.

Husband:  I can see that.  It makes sense.  That causes me to think of the talk, "Grateful in Any Circumstances" by, Dieter F. Uchtdorf.

Me: Totally!  And the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants - "in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things"

................

I know in my own life and from personal experience, the sweetest moments that lift my soul and give me motivation to keep trying are sincere words of gratitude, both when I hear them from others and when I am the one expressing them.  This sweet feeling of hope and happiness comes most abundantly when I'm filled with gratitude for God and I see "His hand in all things."  When this is my focus I begin to see the wonderful things that are being done by everyone else too.

There's a quote I used to have on my wall back in high school that hung next to a big bright sun I had cut out of yellow banner paper that read:

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows." 

- Helen Keller

To me this is the essence of what it feels like to have a soul full of gratitude.  The dreary and dark clouds quickly fade to warm rays of joy, laughter, happiness, and peace when we sincerely and openly acknowledge the goodness of God and the goodness in others "in ANY circumstance."

One of the lines in our family mission statement says, "We recognize and cherish the tender mercies of the Lord through daily expressions of gratitude."  We want this to be a habit in our children's lives.  I hope they learn to always be thankful to be quick to show appreciation.  The best way for them to learn is for me to be more openly grateful for the littlest things they do.  There really is so much power in those two simple words, "Thank you!"

-Alicia
Champion Each Other

Standing By My Man!

"Stand by your man, give him two arms to cling to

And something warm to come to

When nights are cold and lonely.

Stand by your man, and show the world you love him

Keep giving all the love you can.

Stand by your man."

This song by Tammy Wynette was one I listened to quite often during the short period my husband and I dated.  Back in the day, it was among my movie soundtrack collection.  It fits perfectly for this date since today we celebrate our Sweet 16th Wedding Anniversary!

I was 21 and we married on Joseph's 24th birthday.  

So...  Happy 40th to my lovey too!

Pioneer Day @ Theater in the Pines (Just 5 wks since our first date - blind date)
This is when we first decided we wanted to "seal the deal."

(Last Year - Sundance, Provo Canyon -Celebrating our 15th- My favorite anniversary tradition.)

1999 -Honeymoon in Love, Virginia- (Yes, it's a real place.)
Horseback riding - our anniversary tradition.

Not quite "American Gothic" but close... very close.

Oct. 1999

Naturally for our first Halloween I thought it was appropriate
to have Joseph dress up as a honey bee and I his sweet, sweet nectar.  ;)

Our first St. Patrick's Day

Made these artsy-fartsy banners for my hubby.

July 2000 - My first time at Freedom Festival and every year since.
Who knew the heart of Provo would eventually become home?