"I pray the power of the Holy Ghost will be with each of us—that we may think what we need to think, feel what we need to feel, and learn what we need to learn so we can do what we know we should do and ultimately become what the Lord yearns for us to become." - David A. Bednar
Things are still going wonderful with our little three-year-old foster girl, so great in fact that we are taking in a couple more foster kids this weekend. One girl is eleven and the other is seven. It's respite care so it won't be a permanent placement but I'm extremely happy that in this case we are in a position to take them.
My heart hurts for our former fosters who left a few months ago. I think about them every day and wish that conditions would have been such that they could have stayed. I love them both very much and it's hard to see the family they are with now struggling worse than we were. I offer my help and bring my former fosters to my home about once a week but it just makes me more aware of how much they've digressed since they left. They've been living with their mom on the weekends and should be living permanently with her soon. I can't help but wonder which roads they will choose in life.... I wonder the same thing about my bio children.
No matter where any of my children go and what choices they make, I hope they all know that we love them so much and wish for them the very best.
Joseph and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary and Joseph's 42nd Birthday on Sunday, October 8th.
We had a great time celebrating over the weekend. We went out to eat, I reserved tickets to a play Friday night, and then we went to Joseph's favorite Brazilian restaurant for lunch on Saturday.
On Sunday, I walked in late to the marriage class, scanned the room and couldn't see Joseph anywhere so I just took an open seat in the front. The instructor asked questions about the role of the father in the home and I suddenly heard a familiar voice answer from the very back. (There he was! I didn't see him when I walked in.) I raised my hand after Joseph finished speaking to share a comment and also gave a quick hello to him, "Hi honey! I didn't see you when I walked in."
"Oh, hi! I didn't see you either." The class laughed. Joseph got up and walked to the front, taking the seat next to me. I put my arm around him.
Others in the marriage class gave an audible "ah"... because it was cute.
After church we enjoyed an nice family ride through Provo Canyon, it was freezing outside. We ate a simple dinner at a park, and then drove the Alpine Loop to take in all the gorgeous fall colors. Joseph and I got out of the van for a quick photo with memorable places of our courtship and proposal in the background. (Timp trail and Theater in the Pines.)
On our drive, Joseph reflected on our marriage class earlier that day and asked me if the comment he made seemed to make sense at all.
I smiled because I didn't remember exactly what he had said in class.
I turned to him and replied, "Honestly honey, when I recognized it was you talking in the back of the room, I lost focus because I began to think to myself:
'Oh... there he is! I was looking for him, I'm glad he came to the same class! Whatever comment Joseph is making right now is a really good one because he's such a wonderful father. I'm so proud of him. Man, I hope that these people are listening to what he has to say because he's right. I'm so glad I have him in my life.'" I grinned sheepishly and batted my eyelashes... "So, the short answer is. I'm sure it made sense."
Joseph chuckled at my response. That wasn't the feedback he was looking for but he couldn't argue with it. Normally, he might have been a little irritated that I had spaced out when he was talking (because I do that so much with everyone. It's a terrible habit and I'm really working on changing... really) But this time my lack of an answer was perfectly okay because he could see it was a very good kind of "spacing out." :)
Here's to 18 years of marriage and 42 years of Joseph! I love you! 'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er! ;)
Chandler was too cool to sing happy birthday or be in the picture. He's sitting behind me out of the camera's view
...right where I could easily kick him in the butt. ;)
We didn't quite make it to the summit by sunrise but we were close, very close! We started a little after 3 a.m. and arrived to the very top of Timp around 7:30 am. Joseph brought his camera and tried several times along the way to get a clear picture of the waning crescent moon with Venus dangling above it. This one turned out pretty cool! And to think, in just two days, that moon would be covering the Sun in a total eclipse!!
Everything with the hike up went smoothly. We stayed at the summit for almost an hour, basking in the golden rays of morning light. It was magical!
On the way down however, only a few yards into the decent, Joseph's left knee locked up and he couldn't move his leg. He was in terrible pain!
Just past the glacier, I ran ahead down the trail another mile to some hikers who were from our ward. They supplied me with extra food and water. And because I didn't have a cell phone, they also said when they got back home, they would swing over to our place to relay to our children why we were delayed. I could finally relax knowing that we now had plenty of water and knowing the kids were aware that we would be several hours late.
I ran back up to where Joseph was. He hobbled and groaned as he continued to inch his way.
"Take your time," I said. My words weren't the most reassuring because he wanted to be through hiking right then and there, he didn't want to take his time!
I walked slowly along his side and tried to keep him company. My attempts at humor to lighten the mood were just plain dumb. At least he cracked a couple smiles. I wished I had been strong enough to carry him. Every step shot a burning pain into his knee which began to spread into his hip and lower back. What took us four-and-a-half hours to hike up, took us almost seven hours to hike down!
I don't think it was a completely terrible experience hiking back because some great lessons in marriage came to my mind as we walked the descending trail side-by-side: The importance of patience, of taking life one step at a time, of staying together, of encouraging and nourishing each other through thick and thin.
We rested at the waterfall just above where Joseph proposed to me 18 years ago. The mist was refreshing. I wasn't bothered at all with how long everything was taking. I was grateful just to be with him.
It reminded me of the quote by James Thurber, "Love, is what you go through together." :)
"Hands, put your empty hands in mine
And scars—show me all the scars you hide
And hey, if your wings are broken
Please take mine so yours can open, too
'Cause I'm gonna stand by you
Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes
And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I
And, love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine 'til yours can open, too
'Cause I'm gonna stand by you...
...You're all I never knew I needed
And the heart—sometimes it's unclear why it's beating
And, love, if your wings are broken
We can brave through those emotions, too
'Cause I'm gonna stand by you
Oh, truth—I guess truth is what you believe in
And faith—I think faith is having a reason
And I know now, love, if your wings are broken
Borrow mine 'til yours can open, too
'Cause I'm gonna stand by you...
...I'll be your eyes 'til yours can shine
And I'll be your arms, I'll be your steady satellite
And when you can't rise, well, I'll crawl with you on hands and knees
'Cause I... I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through Hell with you
Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'm gonna stand by you
Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through Hell with you
Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you"
This past week has been so full of ups and downs; some rich, full, and happy experiences - and other experiences that fill my heart with sorrow. I woke up this morning feeling restless. I thought that maybe by writing out some of it, I could sort through it.
I spent last Thursday through Saturday on a Sister's Retreat with six of Joseph's sisters and my mother-in-law. We usually have some sort of retreat together once a year. This year we rented a house in Salt Lake. We went out to dinner, we hiked, we played games, and had a really cool sharing night where we Skyped with Joseph's other sister, Ann. The sharing night to me is really like a church testimony meeting. We each come prepared to share a "life-lesson" with each other and they almost always involve some lesson that has helped us grow closer to our Father in Heaven and to our loved ones.
I think of the family support I was blessed with from marrying Joseph, blessed with seven beautiful sisters who fill my heart and give me a sense of being anchored in something stable. I'm filled with gratitude and pride for the choice I made to become a Rawlins.
All of my sisters-in-law are very aware of Joseph's battle with depression his whole life. They are aware of the more severe trenches he's pulled through... and they're aware that he's in a pretty deep one right now. They shared with me their same feelings of being at a loss of what to do. As one solution, we did come up with working out some sort of annual Brother's Retreat for Joseph and Jason.
Joseph needs support in this new neighborhood too. He's not connecting with any of his ecclesiastical leaders and hasn't made any friends. He has never been one to have lots of deep relationships though. He is much more introverted and really shows little interest in making close friends. He has one friend, Ryan, he met at BYU that he bonds with really well, but Ryan lives in Oregon now -At least the two of them call and write each other every week. I'm so glad Joseph has that support.
It just feels like it's been a while, a couple years maybe since Joseph has been depressed for this long. When he gets like this, he isolates himself, closes off emotionally and physically. It gets a little lonely because he's here... but he's not here... it's almost like living with a ghost - we pass each other and I walk right through him.
I've been very concerned. Through the years, I've learned it doesn't help to ask him to express what's on his mind, it only makes him more frustrated. A couple days ago, I had to pry him open though, just barely enough to make sure he wasn't feeling suicidal at all, to know he wasn't in the red zone again. It took him a while to answer but he finally said that he wasn't suicidal, he just didn't want to live a long life. I hope he lives a long life for my sake. I need him. I can't imagine spending the last twenty years of my life alone!
I had a glimmer of hope for him yesterday. He seemed happier than usual, at least happier than he's been in a long time. I think seeing family and old friends helped perk him up. We spent the evening with my best friend, Suzanne's family and our other old neighbors, the Prices. It was good for him. I want to find ways to get him out more - maybe he needs a trip for a week with his best friend, Ryan?
Speaking of old friends, I had a wonderful time Monday night going to our old neighborhood's block party. I brought my niece Alexa, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend's family. There must have been over 400 people at the party! I loved seeing so many faces of people who had also moved away from our old neighborhood. It was so good to see them again: We played. We hugged. We talked. We danced -It was the highlight of my year so far. Do you ever wish you had the power to stop time? There are some moments in life I never want to end. Moments like these spent connecting and re-connecting with people I love, even if they don't come that often, make me want to live a very long life.
But time moves on... and you try to make the most of the dull parts in-between. Maybe that's it. I think I woke up this morning just feeling a little sad. There are so many people I miss. So many at the party I didn't get a chance to talk with, to connect to.
I love what Herman Melville said about human connection,“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.”
I'm grateful for my new calling in the church. I know it is a blessing in disguise because it will help me create the connections I so desperately need to make in this new ward - connections that will help me heal from or even forget my own heartaches. I have felt the blessings pour into my life already from reaching out to my sisters in this ward. I'm realizing that there are a whole lot of hearts quietly hurting, so many hearts who need to be nurtured and noticed. I'm anxious to pull them into my own... and grow together.
“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
My heart is filled with gratitude for the foster care support page. Yesterday, a flood of people sent me messages of encouragement, people who have also made the difficult decision to remove a child from their home. What a blessing to me their words have been!!
"You have to do what's right for your family and for those kids. Sometimes your home just isn't the best fit or maybe it's just not the right time. I know it hurts. And it's okay. Hurting shows that you love them and tried. I have seen families request a removal and get placements later down the road that were a much better fit. It's okay. You will get through this." "Yes we have had placements moved. This is super hard. Not all placements fit in our families. Cry it out and move on. You will be ok. They next one could fit better. Good luck! (((HUGS)))" "Non-fostering friends don't get it and that's because they aren't in the trenches like other foster parents. Other foster parents are your tribe, we get it, we know what it's like, and we know it's not a heartless decision." "In the end you have to do what is right for your family. The most experienced foster parents will tell you that we have all been in this same position at some point in time with our experience. You have to decide if this is best for your family, without allowing outside people to influence this, because at the end of the day you have to be okay with your decision. There is no shame in saying this is not a good fit." "I felt the same way when we asked to have a placement move, it ended up being a must for us due to safety concerns and we were torn and worried that dcfs would hold it against us! It ended up being far better for the child the home he went to was a much better fit and we have a placement now that fits us better! It's hard but you will be ok!" "I am so sorry you are going through this! All I can say is ditto to everyone else. I am on our first placement so I don't have near the experience as others on here but my kids are a sibling group that is broken up. I have the 2 youngest and the 3 oldest were together. The very oldest was really struggling and so was his foster mom. Their personalities just didn't work together. He ended up being placed in a proctor home. It started really rough but the neighborhood has taken this kid in with open arms and he is thriving far and above what the whole team expected. I know the other foster mom really struggled with guilt at first, but honestly it just wasn't a good fit and this new place is. So, try not to feel guilty and do what you need to for you and your family." "Stay strong and know that you are making a difference, even caring for them until a better fit is found. Some placements really are just harder than others." "It's hard. We love the foster kids we asked to have moved, and we're pretty sure they love us too, so it was a difficult heart-wrenching decision to make. Once the decision was made we did feel some peace with it. And of course some regrets and second-guessing, too... we're sad if we hear things aren't going well for them in the new placement, but we just have to trust the Lord that he will put them in the place they need to be (we don't have to trust DCFS for that, they can't see the future)." "After having done this over 10 years I have learned a few things, with that said. It is never easy to move a child from your home, you will will feel sadness, failure, and honestly a bit of relief. You will have forgotten what a non stressful home feels like. You will cry and grieve that this child was moved and go thru lots of the what if's.....BUT will you be placed again with another child? YES!!! We have to remember this isn't about us this is about finding the right fit for the child to grow and develop and hopefully return home. If that isn't the case then you want the child to be adopted into a home where they fit and belong. There are 100's of foster homes and each child does different in each home, we all have strengths and weaknesses and sometime we don't know our weaknesses till we take that child who brings them out. You and your family have done amazing things for these children but when it isn't a good fit you just cant make the square fit into the round circle no matter how hard you try. With each placement you learn something new about yourself, your family what you can and can't handle. I believe any time a child is moved or goes home it is a great idea to re connect with your family and take a look at what worked what didn't work. Taking time to re energize your family is ok to do as well. Huge hug as this is a hard decision but do what is best for the children in your home and your family." "About your pain of asking for removal, we get it! We've got you! Our kids needed so much more support and services than we were able to get (beg) for them, and once the 9yr old truly snapped I finally faced the fact that she couldn't be happy with us. We had taught her enough coping skills for so many facets of her life and then suddenly she began abusing me physically, which devolved into my 11 bio kid self harming to cope with the stress. I had to start protecting myself and my family from her and her out-of-controlness...which doesn't create a loving environment. She'd given signs and symptoms for so long, and I found myself trying harder and harder to be what she needed until we broke. Sometimes failures are more valuable than success, because it lays bare the true extent of the need and proves to DCFS the Foster children need more than they're getting."
Joseph took work off today so we could enjoy a nice morning hike together. He's been so good about making sure we have time alone. Our dates are more frequent and consistent than ever and I love it! I think Joseph has felt more protective of me because of all we are experiencing with foster care. He's anxious to make sure I'm holding up okay. It's very sweet of him.
It's been great to see how my kids protectively look out for me too. I have one class this semester at BYU. It has been pretty easy because it's a religion class and I use part of my scripture study time in the early morning to do my reading assignments which works out well because they're assigned from the scriptures. The exams are a little tough though. Last night, I had to study for one but couldn't really get to it until late in the evening. When I finally made it into my room to study, my foster daughter kept screaming for me. I could hear Miriam outside my bedroom door patiently working with her and helping her understand that I couldn't come out of my room. Miriam really is a miracle-worker when it comes to children.
Chandler also tried to help give me the space I needed to study. When he heard our foster daughter screaming for me again, he bounded up the stairs with a growl to "stop her"... which resulted in Miriam, Joseph, Micah, and Kaylee all dog-piling Chandler to "protect" our foster daughter. Ha ha! Despite that bit of drama, I really do appreciate Chandler's heart in it. He really does look out for me.
It has been amazing to watch my children in this huge life-change for them and I've been so pleased to see them adjust as well as they have. I think Micah and Kaylee have dealt with the most. They both have demonstrated incredible compassion, making room, giving time, teaching patiently, and sharing. I worry though... because I think some damage has been done to Kaylee emotionally so we've made an effort to get her therapy from a Dr. who specializes with foster families.
As hard as it has been, I must say that our foster kids have shown huge positive changes from when they first moved in with us. They are learning what it means to have boundaries, personal space, and healthy communication. They are learning responsibilities, learning to work, learning to play, learning to be creative, and use their imaginations. They are learning how a mom and a dad should treat each other. They are learning what it's like to have a book read to them, to have positive physical affection, and to feel safe at night.
We're all learning so much. I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Show me a person who has innumerable followers, popularity, high accolades, degrees and doctorates, scholarly knowledge, who has read all the books and passed all the tests but who has never learned to care for their family, never learned to be civil in conversation, never learned to recognize and act upon the Spirit, never learned to reach beyond their obsession of self to sincerely love their neighbor, who has never learned to truly love and truly serve - and you've shown me a fool, indeed.
I truly believe that best kind of education is found in meaningful relationships, it is found in learning to love, to step outside our self in the most exhausting and difficult circumstances.
“I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns. I find myself loving more intensely those whom I must love with all my heart and mind and strength, and loving them more, I find it easier to abide their counsel.”
- Spencer W. Kimball
Reflecting on General Conference today and yesterday, this is a quote that keeps coming to my mind. It seemed that most of the talks were centered on or frequently mentioned the importance of daily personal scripture study.
My husband has always been a great example to me of one who diligently studies the scriptures. Lately, he's been taking to heart Elder Nelson's counsel to study scriptures focused on Jesus Christ daily. As a result, he's been listening to the four gospels at work every day for the past several weeks.
I feel like I really could use some improvement in my personal prayers and scripture study, Though I don't think my problem is being casual. Scripture study and prayer are just part of my regular daily routine. But I feel as if I've been more blank, less feeling, with little to no absorption in my study lately, I've had more days than usual where I've felt depressed too so maybe that's part of it. I don't feel like I'm the same person I was six months ago. I feel like my experiences being a foster mom have been like a bomb dropped on me and I'm still reeling from the shock.
There's so much I need to improve on. Foster care is extremely humbling. Speaking of foster care... Another thing that stood out to me in conference today was when S. Mark Palmer said, "those who are the hardest to love are the ones who need love the most." This is my earnest prayer: to love when I don't feel like loving, to give when I don't feel like giving, to sacrifice when I have nothing left in me to sacrifice.
I'm so grateful for a wonderful conference weekend. And I'm grateful for every new day to keep trying and keep practicing. God is good.
It's part of my routine now to take my foster children to visit their parents every Tuesday evening for two hours. Sometimes I stay and watch but sometimes it's too hard for me to stay. I learn so much about the children's behavior, the root of their desires, and the habits that seem to be ingrained in them.
Sometimes, I leave these visits feeling very angry and frustrated, wanting to knock some sense into the parents and show them just how much damage they have done. I want to force them to break the vicious cycle they've been in all their lives, somehow just make them stop. I have to remind myself to be forgiving and pray for their parents rather than become resentful.
A couple Tuesdays ago, my foster daughter left the visit with a gift from her mom: a little tiny coin purse on a chain that said, "Thou Shalt Sin". Mom knew that I wouldn't like the text - so as we were leaving, I was grateful when she said that it was up to me if I decided to let her daughter keep it. Of course, my foster daughter didn't want to give up her new gift, no way! So I let her keep it under the condition that she would let me "fix it" first. Her three-year-old mind didn't see the purse as broken but she willingly put it into my hands anyway.
I examined the purse and contemplated how I was going to "fix it". I saw it as an opportunity to teach a subtle lesson. I thought maybe I could insert a "not" between the "shalt sin" part but decided it seemed to be lacking core principle. Maybe I could just paint over the whole thing. I pondered on the commandments God gives us and why He gives them... and then I knew exactly what to do.
The next morning, I showed my foster daughter what I had done to the purse and she beamed with delight. She liked it so much better! (Since she can't read - I'm guessing it was mostly because of the pink letters.)
Even still, this experience is so telling. There are so many layers to it. I've reflected on the transition of thought that comes with three simple words:
"Thou Shalt Sin" - Making a mock of the commandments of God, viewing sin as real freedom, a message to flaunt, to celebrate rebelliousness.
changed to
"Thou Shalt Love" - An understanding of what God's laws really free us to DO and to feel. The foundation and core of Who God IS and what He wants us to ultimately BECOME.
I'm glad my foster daughter likes her purse better this way.
My foster daughter has regular hour-long, sometimes two hour-long, melt-downs every morning. She doesn't like to go to the bathroom or get dressed: She knows how to do it perfectly well on her own but it's always a power-struggle. Sometimes, she'll have several of these a day. She is used to a life with absolutely no rules and no boundaries whatsoever... so any correction, any asking her to wait, or any form of giving her instruction usually sends her flying into a full scale fit of rage. It's interesting, because in middle of her kicking, scratching and flailing, she screams at the top of her lungs, "I want you, Alicia!! I want you!!"
This desperate display of such contrasting desires goes on in most foster children: At the very same time they are acting out in horrible violent behavior, they are also pleading and begging for loving, affectionate physical reassurance... And let me tell you, it is the hardest thing to give in those moments.
For the past few weeks, our foster son has also had an increase of "tantrums"--displaying the same kinds of pushing away and pulling us in. He has started to lay around more, sitting and sulking about what is required in order to be able to play video games. He fights against every rule of our home--stomping, sassing, slamming, protesting... and seconds later he wants a big huge bear hug.
We were told about this common push/pull behavior from other foster parents, just didn't realize how extreme it would be and how hard to recover from.
I was pretty worn out after his tantrum last night and her morning melt-down today.
However, I feel the Lord blessed me with a compassion beyond my own ability. After she finally got dressed, I scooped up my screaming foster daughter and held her until she relaxed in my arms. I leaned up against the bedroom wall and slid my tired body to the floor, continuing to just hold her. She wrapped her arms around me and tucked her head deep into my shoulder completely silent. After about ten minutes, she pulled back to look at my face. I sighed wearily, "Sweetheart, you need to learn to relax and not panic so quickly. You know how to do these things. Please don't throw such a fit about it." She flopped back onto my shoulder again. It must be so hard for her to live in such a different environment.
Later, I found some little activities to take my foster daughter's mind off of her anxieties and also give me some space. After I could see she was content and calm, I walked down the hall and found Kaylee playing this song on the blue tooth, "Shooting Star" by, Owl City. I took a deep breath and listened closely. I don't think I had ever heard it before. I liked the lyrics and asked her to play it again.
We're going to get through this. "Fill the darkest night with a brilliant light."
I think this will be my song for the day.
"...We know that there is a God in heaven, who is infinite and eternal, from everlasting to everlasting the same unchangeable God, the framer of heaven and earth, and all things which are in them." D&C 20:17
In my studies this morning, I came across this scripture I've just quoted. All day, I've been thinking about what a blessing it is to know that there is a God in Heaven and that He knows each and every one of us, that we are His literal spirit children, and that He is deeply and intimately involved in every detail of our lives. What comfort this gives in all our various struggles and trials we face.
It reminds me of a quote from Our Creator's Cosmos by Elder Neal A. Maxwell: "In the expansiveness of space, there is stunning personalness, for God knows and loves each of us! (see 1 Nephi 11:17). We are not ciphers in unexplained space! While the Psalmist’s query was, “What is man, that thou art mindful of him?” (Psalm 8:4), mankind is at the very center of God’s work. We are the sheep of His hand and the people of His pasture (see Psalms 79:13; 95:7; 100:3). His work includes our immortalization—accomplished by Christ’s glorious Atonement! Think of it, brothers and sisters, even with their extensive longevity, stars are not immortal, but you are."
There's a song I listen to on my Christian radio station. If you look up the lyrics, they might seem a little repetitive but honestly, I find them powerful. You can't help but rejoice when you sing these words over and over again.
"Into the darkness you shine out of the ashes we rise
there's no one like you, none like You!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger,
God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!...
...And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against."
Anyway, I look at Who we have constantly cheering us on and I can't help but think, "What is there to fear? He's got us! He has everything under control. He knows exactly what He's doing and He's doing amazing things with our lives we can't even begin to comprehend." I love this!
Of all the enemies the Nephites fought as they strove to protect their people and land, there is one enemy that proved to be the most tremendous threat of all.... themselves. The greatest damage to the Nephite community was not the result of physical battles fought outside their fortresses with clashing swords. No, it was much more internal, the problem was within their own government and in their own church.
"There began to be serious contention concerning who should have the judgment-seat... because of so much contention and so much difficulty in the government, that they had not kept sufficient guards in the land" - Helaman 1:2 & 18 "a little pride..in the church, which did cause some little dissensions" turned into "much contention and many dissensions." This "pride which began to enter into the church - not into the church of God, but into the hearts of the people who professed to belong to the church of God" and resulted in "persecution of their brethren". - Helaman 3:1,3,33,34
The most disheartening of the two is what happened within their own church. Helaman 4:11 says, "This great loss of the Nephites, and the great slaughter which was among them, would not have happened had it not been for their wickedness and their abomination which was among them; yea and it was among those also who professed to belong to the church of God." And in the next two verses, it says that because of their pride, they "withheld" giving or sharing, they made a "mock of that which was sacred, denied the spirit of prophecy and revelation," which led to all kinds of other sins. "And because of this their great wickedness, and their boasting in their own strength, they were left in their own strength."
In my studies yesterday, I found some commentary that gave greater insight into how people within the church could fall so far.
"This attitude of the people is perhaps the most frightening aspect of this terrifying book of Helaman. We read of a people who were so caught up in the vain things of the world that they were blind and mostly unaffected by Nephi’s great call to repentance. It was not that the people did not have religion; it was that their religion was one of the facades of their respectable lifestyle. The deceit did not fool the prophets; they warned them of their ways. Nephi called down a great famine, while Samuel prophesied great signs and could not be killed. Both preached plainly with the power of God and with courage. Both were mostly rejected because the people hardened their hearts, preferring to believe instead the philosophies and excuses of men (Hel 16:15-23). The outcome of this blindness is well known to readers of the Book of Mormon. The Nephites continued in the same pattern of wickedness in spite of receiving great signs and having momentary periods of righteousness until all but the more righteous were destroyed at the Savior’s coming(3 Nephi 9:12-13)."- The Book of Mormon: Helaman Through 3 Nephi 8, According To Thy Word, ed. Monte S. Nyman & Charles D. Tate, Jr. Provo: Religious Studies Center, BYU, 1992(emphasis added)
The members of the church who rejected the prophets and refused to repent while continuing to preach from their own pulpits, basically set-up themselves in place of the "set-apart". The word "repentance" haunted them because it flew in their face, broke the facade of their "respectable lifestyle" and revealed it for the self-centered pompish parade of vanity that it really was.
It's an interesting observation Elder W. Grant Bangerter observed, "I never found it necessary to break my standards, to remove my garments, or to apologize for being a Latter-day Saint... I can honestly say that no nonmember of the Church has ever tried to induce me to discard my standards. The only people I remember trying to coerce me to abandon my principles or who ridiculed me for my standards have been non-practicing members of the Church."- Elder W. Grant Bangerter (July 1982 - New Era)
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland asked, "When gospel principles get unpopular or unprofitable or very difficult to live, will we stand by them 'for the duration'? That is the question our experiences in Latter-day Saint life seem most determined to answer. What do we really believe, and how true to that are we really willing to live?"
In a world like today, most likely the hardest standards of God to live by are; humility, gentleness, and meekness. Yet, these are the qualities that are the most rewarding!
In the scriptures, those with solid testimony did not let pride, hatred, or anger claim a stake in their hearts. Rather, they "did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."- Helaman 3:35
I submit that the fastest way to "yield our hearts unto God" is through immediate repentance. The moment we recognize our own fault in a situation to say, "I'm sorry", to truly own that apology and the consequence that may follow instead of endeavoring to excuse ourselves and sweep it under the rug.
We also "yield our hearts unto God" by living by His way even if it means losing face or popularity, to not be fence-sitters but rather "Choose... this day whom we will serve"-Joshua 24:15
What are some other ways I can "yield my heart unto God" in these battles "from within"?
General Conference is over and we have these six months to ponder all the wonderful messages before receiving again life-sustaining words from men and women called of God. I absolutely loved the perspective Elder Renlund gave about fairness. These are the notes I took during his talk:
The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver ... the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement.
When we're distanced from God, even small inequities seem large.
Murmuring is the scriptural equivalent of childish whining. Example: Laman and Lemuel
The closer we are to Jesus Christ in the thoughts and intents of our hearts, the more grateful we are for our Savior's grace. Drawing nearer to the Savior causes us to change. Rather than feeling entitled to His blessings and grace, we will want to do all we can to not cause Him any more grief.
Feel the power of Godly love. Recognize the Lord's hand in your life. Draw closer to the Savior.
If life was fair we wouldn't be resurrected or return to our Father in Heaven. It's not fair that Christ had to suffer for us, we don't deserve forgiveness or the resurrection. For this I am grateful for "unfairness".
How much of the day do you spend whining?
This is my take-away:
The principle difference in the statement "It's not fair" is dependent on where our focus is. This focus will greatly affect the closeness we feel to God.
A self-centered focus of "it's not fair" is when we spend our time scrambling for what we "deserve" or listing all the things we don't have. It's a temperament that's offensive to the Spirit and we distance ourselves from God and others with such an attitude. The entitlement philosophy suffocates appreciation, respect, love, and beauty.
On the other hand, it's a humbling shift when we focus the statement of "It's not fair" toward what our Savior has done for us. It's not fair that He was crucified, that He took upon Him all our sins and sorrows. It's not fair that He was bruised and broken on the cross, rejected and hated for us. Did He deserve better? Absolutely! We are undeserving of a resurrection, of His incredible love, unfailing sacrifice, and sweet forgiveness... yet He gave it freely. Such a focus instills deep reverence, awe, and gratitude... drawing our hearts ever closer to God.
My personal scripture study this morning reminded me of Elder Renlund's talk. Here the people of Nephi do a wonderful job applying the principle of a Christ-Centered focus:
"They were not lifted up in the pride of their eyes; neither were they slow to remember the Lord their God; a but they did humble themselves exceedingly before Him. Yea, they did remember how great things the Lord had done for them, that He had delivered them from death, and from bonds, and from prisons, and from all manner of afflictions, and He had delivered them out of the hands of their enemies." - Alma 62:49-50
I'm so grateful for conference and the abundant truths there are to reflect and feast on. As I ponder this scripture for the week, I'll be trying to notice where my own focus is.
We had some great talks in Sacrament Meeting today. I wrote down all the verses, poems, and quotes that were shared by each speaker. My daughter is sick this Sunday... so after the meeting I stopped by home to check on her. I had a moment to grab her some soup, help her get comfortable, and then post the notes I took before heading out again to give a lesson in Young Women's. :)
- Alicia
Happy Sabbath!
1st Speaker -
“To love another person is to see the face of God.”
― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
"The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator." - Alma 30:44
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16
"If ye love me, keep my commandments." - John 14:15
2nd Speaker -
Under the stars we realize how small we are... and yet we are everything to Him.
“I know not by what method rare
But this I know, God answers prayer.
I know that he has given his Word
Which tells me prayer is always heard
And will be answered soon or late
And so I pray and calmly wait.
I know not if the blessing sought
Will come in just the way I thought
But leave my prayers with him alone
Whose will is wiser than my own
Assured that he will grant my quest
Or send some answer far more blessed.”
― Eliza M. Hickok (Read by, President Monson)
"O how great the goodness of our God, who prepareth a way for our escape from the grasp of this awful monster; yea, that monster, death and hell, which I call the death of the body, and also the death of the spirit." - 2 Nephi 9:10
"There is a simple cure for the terrible malady of forgetting God, His blessings, and His messages to us. Jesus Christ promised it to His disciples when He was about to be crucified, resurrected, and then taken away from them to ascend in glory to His Father. They were concerned to know how they would be able to endure when He was no longer with them. Here is the promise. It was fulfilled for them then. It can be fulfilled for all of us now: 'These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you. But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.' ( John 14:25–26)" - Elder Henry B. Eyring
"These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you. But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you." - John 15:9-13
(The brother who spoke quoted this portion of Elder Holland's talk)
"O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts aboveO to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above"
3rd Speaker -
"We love him, because he first loved us." -1 John 4:19
" I remember that thou hast said that thou hast loved the world, even unto the laying down of thy life for the world, that thou mightest take it again to prepare a place for the children of men. And now I know that this love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity; wherefore, except men shall have charity they cannot inherit that place which thou hast prepared in the mansions of thy Father." - Ether 12:33-34
"Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God" - 1 John 5:1-3
(She shared three thoughts from this verse)
1. First we must seek to love God
2. We seek to love everyone around us with this purest love.
3. We show our love by keeping His commandments.
4th Speaker -
How do we feel God's love? We must first believe!
The first principle of the Gospel is faith.
" I feel my Savior's love
In all the world around me.
His Spirit warms my soul
Through ev'rything I see.
I feel my Savior's love;
Its gentleness enfolds me,
And when I kneel to pray,
My heart is filled with peace.
I feel my Savior's love
And know that he will bless me.
I offer him my heart;
My shepherd he will be.
I'll share my Savior's love
By serving others freely.
In serving I am blessed.
In giving I receive.
He knows I will follow him,
Give all my life to him.
I feel my Savior's love,
The love he freely gives me."
- Children's songbook pg. 74
My father and I had the experience of "sharing the Savior's love" to a woman from my ward. We were her hometeachers. She was a widow with four children. When her kids grew older, her first daughter passed away. She lived in a humble house with no heating. We would chop wood for her and visit with her. It was a wonderful experience helping this sweet woman and we felt our Savior's love for her as we served her.
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13
"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me....Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me Enough to die for me! Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!" - Hymn 193
"I’m confident that there is no choice, sin, or mistake that you or anyone else can make that will change [Our Father in Heaven's] love for you or for them. That does not mean He excuses or condones sinful conduct—I’m sure He does not—but it does mean we are to reach out to our fellowman in love..." - Elder Ronald A. Rasband
"If we will build righteous traditions in our families, the light of the gospel can grow ever brighter in the lives of our children from generation to generation."
- L. Tom Perry
Burning Bright On the Darkest Night
The first new tradition our family participated in is all about "light growing brighter." It happens every 21st of December, the darkest night of the year, the Winter Solstice. My friend Alicia and her husband Stan invited us to join them in their annual tradition of making candles out of real bee's wax. Stan's father, and grandfather were bee keepers and he and Alicia are the ones today who keep the family honey making business buzzing. :P Alicia is one of the amazing and talented ladies in our home school co-op group. It's so fun to have her share with us her wealth of knowledge of how the bees make the wax and the process they go through to extract it. I reminded Chandler that his name means, candle maker or light bearer. He rolled his eyes at me, "I know mom. How many times do you have to tell me that?" I smiled and ignored his grumpy attitude, glad he at least made the decision to come along with us that evening. It really was a great Family Night and we look forward to doing it again a second time next year.
Every 23rd of December
The next tradition is every 23rd of December we gather with all of my husband's siblings and parents at his sister's house in Alpine. We feast on delicious food and take turns doing a family talent show or skit on the stage in their basement. Anyone who is out of state watches the show through Skype. It ranges from piano or violin playing, reader's theater, reciting poetry, family trivia, or singing Christmas carols. The main rule is to have a great time. After all the performances we go back upstairs and treat ourselves to my father-in-law's traditional sweet rolls,"Bert's Buns."
Then here's my favorite part; we all get a copy of the famous Rawlin's Photobook. Me and Joseph's seven sisters rotate through designing and coordinating the photographs of everyone in the family from the past year. It's hard to keep track of a growing family of nine children but that's why we use the wonderful tool of the internet. No matter where anyone is living in the world, they access our family photo book for the year and upload pictures on to their assigned pages. It results in a book that includes everyone, captures priceless memories, shares our stories, and inspires greater love and unity. We've stopped doing gift exchanges even with the grandchildren. This is hands down everyone's favorite gift from the oldest in the family to the youngest. After we open the latest Rawlin's Photo Book edition, everyone spends over an hour reading, laughing, reminiscing, and enjoying it together.
Christmas Eve
Our own little family Christmas Eve tradition has gotten more fun since we decided to try my friend Suzanne's idea of a Shepherd's Dinner. We give the kids their own special candle and eat on the floor by the light of our Christmas tree. The food is simple: grapes, pomegranate, fresh vegetables w/ hummus, pieces of cheese, a fresh loaf of uncut bread, and some kind of meat or fish. (stuff a shepherd would eat)
The kids get a little restless after dinner so before we continue with the old-world theme, we watch my favorite Christmas movie, "It's a Wonderful Life." Then we do our reading of Luke 2. (We've given the kids the option to dress up as the characters but every year they would rather use our Bethlehem Nativity pieces and act out the scriptures with them.)
After the Nativity, we unwrap our new Christmas Book, a tradition we started in 2011 or 2012. This year our book was "The Tale of Three Trees" by, Angela Elwell Hunt.
Then we send the kids off to bed. They like to sleep in the same room together and stay up all night watching more movies.... usually, The Grinch and Elf. It's the only time of year where I'll let them watch as many movies in a row as they want.
Christmas Morning
Before we open any presents, we have a family prayer of gratitude. We read "The Living Christ" and share briefly what we want to give our Savior the new year. For breakfast, we always invite a neighbor who lives alone to share our traditional strawberry, cream cheese, french toast. We hope that by doing this our children will learn to reach out to others on Christmas day, to think outside of themselves and see that the most meaningful thing is not the gifts but being in the presence of people who love you. This year it was my dear friend, Lou.
Well, there you have it. Traditions old and new. They give us purpose, meaning, and direction. And in the words of Tevye, “Because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do.”
Around ten years ago, I bought this DVD Standards Night Live by John Bytheway. Chandler took to it right away and has probably watched it more than 30 times since then. It has been very well played in our home. I give it four stars and two enthusiastic thumbs up!
I'd encourage any parent to take advantage of "screen time" like this for their kids. Start them on this stuff as young as you can. In our family, every Christmas and Easter these types of DVDs and EFY talks have become a well anticipated favorite gift our children receive.
In his devotional, Brother Bytheway recites a poem as he expresses the need for God's standards, for God's commandments and relates them to guard rails or fences. I love the imagery and feel like it is very effective when we use it in our efforts to teach our children the "why" in this wonderful Gospel:
The Fence or the Ambulance
By Joseph Malins
‘Twas a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed,
Though to walk near its crest was so pleasant;
But over its terrible edge there had slipped
A duke, and full many a peasant;
So the people said something would have to be done,
But their projects did not all tally.
Some said, “Put a fence around the edge of the cliff;”
Some, “An ambulance down in the valley.”
But the cry for the ambulance carried the day,
For it spread through the neighboring city,
A fence may be useful or not, it is true,
But each heart became brimful of pity
For those who slipped over that dangerous cliff;
And the dwellers in highway and alley
Gave pounds or gave pence, not to put up a fence,
But an ambulance down in the valley. "For the cliff is all right, if your careful," they said, "And, if folks even slip and are dropping, It isn't the slipping that hurts them so much As the shock down below when they're stopping." So day after day,as these mishaps occurred, Quick forth would those rescuers sally To pick up the victims who fell off the cliff, With their ambulance down in the valley.
Then an old sage remarked, “It’s a marvel to me
That people give far more attention
To repairing the results than to stopping the cause,
When they’d much better aim at prevention.
Let us stop at its source all this mischief,” cried he.
“Come, neighbors and friends let us rally:
If the cliff we will fence we might almost dispense
With the ambulance down in the valley.”
Better guide well the young than reclaim them when old,
For the voice of true wisdom is calling:
“To rescue the fallen is good, but ‘tis best
To prevent other people from falling.”
Better close up the source of temptation and crime
Than to deliver from dungeon or galley;
Better put a strong fence ‘round the top of the cliff,
Than an ambulance down in then valley.
"We can choose to see commandments as limitations. We may feel at times that God’s laws restrict our personal freedom, take from us our agency, and limit our growth. But as we seek for greater understanding, as we allow our Father to teach us, we will begin to see that His laws are a manifestation of His love for us and obedience to His laws is an expression of our love for Him." - Sister Carol M. Stephens - Oct. 2015 General Conference
My heart feels very heavy today for those who view "the fence" or God's laws as restrictive to our personal freedom. I wish there was a way I could convey the liberty and incredible love that accompanies those who give heed to our Father in Heaven. I wish I could express how freeing life can be for those who seek His word and consistently follow His ordained servants.
We gathered with loved ones to celebrate my nephew's baptism the weekend after October's General Conference. With the prophet's and apostle's words of counsel and wisdom still fresh on our minds, there was plenty to talk about. I had a very pleasant visit with one of the aunts from my nephew's "other side of the family." My brother-in-law, Russ, joined our discussion as he pulled up a chair and sat down next to us. Our conversation shifted to the movie, Just Let Go, my husband and I saw the night before:
As he listened to our review, I asked, "Have you heard the story of Bishop Williams?"
He recalled, "Yeah, that's the man who lost his two kids and pregnant wife in a car accident, right?"
"Yes, and there's a Mormon Message about him that came out several years ago. His process of grief is very intriguing."
We shared our various thoughts and discussed our limited views on his experience.
Russ suggested to me, "You'd would probably enjoy reading C.S. Lewis' book, A Grief Observed."
I responded with my love for C.S. Lewis' writings and told him, "I've read a few of his books but I haven't read that one. I'll have to check it out."
Eagerly, I went to the library that same day and picked it up.
About a week or so later, I sat next to a very sweet woman in our Stake Choir who recently became a widow. Before Stake Conference began and the congregation started to trickle in, I asked her how she was doing. She confided and opened up her sorrow to me. She said that approaching each new day without Lloyd was like trying to operate life with half her body severed off.
I told her that her description sounded very much like C.S. Lewis' words when he lost his wife.
I asked if she had read A Grief Observed and explained the book to her.
"No. That sounds like a great one though. I need to look it up."
"It is really good and it's less than 100 pages. I'm in the middle of reading it right now."
We took our seats as the organ began to play. The meeting was about to start.
During the various talks, I continued to think about my grieving friend.
For one of the rest hymns the choir and congregation sang, "Onward Christian Soldiers."
As we stood, I wrapped my arm around this dear woman as a gesture to encourage her onward in her battle. I could feel that she was weary and worn. She reciprocated with a grateful sigh and wrapped her arm around me. Each time we sang the chorus, I envisioned her angel husband as the one holding her. After the song was over she said with tears in her eyes, "Lloyd loved that hymn."
Her story, Bishop William's story, and C.S. Lewis' book has left me thinking very deeply. In all of these cases, they went through a period where they begged and wished to have just one more moment with their loved one. But it was not to be and no amount of pleading with God could bring them back.
Lewis mourned, "Suppose that the earthly lives she and I shared for a few years are in reality only the basis for, or prelude to, or earthly appearance of two unimaginable, supercosmic, and eternal somethings. Those somethings could be pictured as spheres or globes. Where the plane of Nature cuts through them - that is, in earthly life- they appear as two circles (circles are slices of spheres). Two circles that touched. But those two circles, above all the point at which they touched, are the very thing I am mourning for, homesick for, famished for. You tell me, 'she goes on.' But my heart and body are crying out, come back, come back. Be a circle touching my circle on the plane of Nature. But I know this is impossible. I know that the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get."
He goes on to describe the cruelty of God and his feelings of complete abandonment. I was surprised to see the testimony of one so great as Lewis shaken to the very core. He spent so much time preaching the word and wrote the most beautiful sermons on faith but he admitted when faced with this trial, all his instruction was much easier said than done.
In his agony something beautiful began to happen though, and he gained some valuable insight. He began to discover himself to see his own heart in a different light. He reflected,"Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself." I found his thoughts about petitioning God very interesting: "You can't see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears. You can't, in most things, get what you want if you want it too desperately: anyway, you can't get the best out of it.... I have gradually been coming to feel that the door is no longer shut and bolted. Was it my own frantic need that slammed it in my face: The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just the time when God can't give it: you are like the drowning man who can't be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear. On the other hand, 'Knock and it shall be opened.' But does knocking mean hammering and kicking the door like a maniac? And there's also 'To him that hath shall be given.' After all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can't give. Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity."
This description of panic and trepidation sound like an immobilizing fear to me. How can we expect to exercise our faith and hold the outstretched hand of God when our fists are clenched so anxiously tight? Like he said, "You must have a capacity to receive, or even Omnipotence can't give."
It seems as though the surrender doesn't come at once for anybody but rather through a process of time. It's a constant struggle of letting go day after day, after day, like learning to walk again after having half your limbs severed.... all the while the battle cry sings out, "Onward Christian Soldier!"
There is beauty in surrender, a peace and rest that come to one's soul in the relinquishment of our will and trusting that God sees the bigger picture. Through it all we might ask a thousand questions.
And it may be with us as it was for C.S. Lewis "When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of 'No answer.' It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, 'Peace, child; you don't understand.'"
Maybe that's how we let go?... when we stop trying so hard to understand it all, to have every single question answered. to embrace the "peace of God, which passeth all understanding," peace that goes beyond what is explained, to trust as Browning said, "God is in His heaven, all's right with the world." This "shall keep [hold together] our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."- Philippians 4:7
"The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of transformation. It takes us as men and women of the earth and refines us into men and women for the eternities." - Joseph B. Wirthlin
I loved President Monson's opening message in this recent General Conference of how we "Let our light shine." It broke my heart to see him so physically weak, laboring in breath, and barely able to stand near the end of his testimony. But he was determined to deliver the sermon the Lord had inspired him to share - This made it even more powerful to me! I wanted to jump through the screen, quickly run to his side and hold him up. Oh how I love our dear prophet! And what a more perfect benadictary talk than that given by Elder Bednar as he testified of the wisdom and clarity that rests upon the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Tears of deep gratitude streamed down my face as Elder Bednar highlighted teachings from these wonderful men I love!!! The Church is true, we are led by Apostles and Prophets who have been called of God by priesthood authority. I know this! What a blessing it has been to me throughout my life!
Many of my friends mentioned having the same feelings I did as the Prophet spoke, the feeling of wanting to run to President Monson and help hold him up. This sheds greater light on what it means to sustain those who lead and direct this Church.
I also enjoyed what Elder Holland said about "bearing one another's burdens" and how both he and Elder Renlund tied the pure love of Christ and the love of a mother so intimately . It seems so obvious but I had never put the two together. It makes sense.
"Today I declare from this pulpit what has been said here before: that no love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
"In the Church, to effectively serve others we must see them through a parent’s eyes, through Heavenly Father’s eyes. Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul. Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. Only then can we sense the Savior’s caring concern for them. We cannot completely fulfill our covenant obligation to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort unless we see them through God’s eyes."- Elder Dale G. Renlund
"Bear, borne, carry, deliver. These are powerful, heartening messianic words. They convey help and hope for safe movement from where we are to where we need to be—but cannot get without assistance. These words also connote burden, struggle, and fatigue—words most appropriate in describing the mission of Him who, at unspeakable cost, lifts us up when we have fallen, carries us forward when strength is gone, delivers us safely home when safety seems far beyond our reach. ...
...As Jesus said to John while in the very act of Atonement, so He says to us all, “Behold thy mother!”- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
I remember when Elder Wirthlin was trembling and weak. President Russell M. Nelson stood behind him to steady him. This touched my heart so deeply. This is what the Gospel is truly about, the purest love that deepens our desire to help carry and sustain our brother or sister.
He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother "True love lasts forever. It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us... ... His love is such that even should we give up on ourselves, He never will. We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won’t, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of transformation. It takes us as men and women of the earth and refines us into men and women for the eternities. The means of this refinement is our Christlike love. There is no pain it cannot soften, no bitterness it cannot remove, no hatred it cannot alter. The Greek playwright Sophocles wrote: 'One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.'" - Joseph B. Wirthlin
Things are still going wonderful with our little three-year-old foster girl, so great in fact that we are taking in a couple more foster kids this weekend. One girl is eleven and the other is seven. It's respite care so it won't be a permanent placement but I'm extremely happy that in this case we are in a position to take them.
