Shooting Star

My foster daughter has regular hour-long, sometimes two hour-long, melt-downs every morning. She doesn't like to go to the bathroom or get dressed: She knows how to do it perfectly well on her own but it's always a power-struggle. Sometimes, she'll have several of these a day.  She is used to a life with absolutely no rules and no boundaries whatsoever... so any correction, any asking her to wait, or any form of giving her instruction usually sends her flying into a full scale fit of rage. It's interesting, because in middle of her kicking, scratching and flailing, she screams at the top of her lungs, "I want you, Alicia!!  I want you!!"

This desperate display of such  contrasting desires goes on in most foster children: At the very same time they are acting out in horrible violent behavior, they are also pleading and begging for loving, affectionate physical reassurance... And let me tell you, it is the hardest thing to give in those moments.

For the past few weeks, our foster son has also had an increase of "tantrums"--displaying the same kinds of pushing away and pulling us in. He has started to lay around more, sitting and sulking about what is required in order to be able to play video games. He fights against every rule of our home--stomping, sassing, slamming, protesting... and seconds later he wants a big huge bear hug.

We were told about this common push/pull behavior from other foster parents, just didn't realize how extreme it would be and how hard to recover from.

I was pretty worn out after his tantrum last night and her morning melt-down today.

However, I feel the Lord blessed me with a compassion beyond my own ability.  After she finally got dressed, I scooped up my screaming foster daughter and held her until she relaxed in my arms. I leaned up against the bedroom wall and slid my tired body to the floor, continuing to just hold her. She wrapped her arms around me and tucked her head deep into my shoulder completely silent.  After about ten minutes, she pulled back to look at my face.  I sighed wearily, "Sweetheart, you need to learn to relax and not panic so quickly. You know how to do these things. Please don't throw such a fit about it." She flopped back onto my shoulder again.  It must be so hard for her to live in such a different environment.

Later, I found some little activities to take my foster daughter's mind off of her anxieties and also give me some space.  After I could see she was content and calm, I walked down the hall and found Kaylee playing this song on the blue tooth, "Shooting Star" by, Owl City. I took a deep breath and listened closely. I don't think I had ever heard it before.  I liked the lyrics and asked her to play it again.

We're going to get through this. "Fill the darkest night with a brilliant light."
I think this will be my song for the day.

-Alicia