God's DM to Me

This past week, I just happened to have finished reading the last few chapters of 2Nephi. This morning, I put on the Saturday Afternoon Session of this last General Conference as I got ready for church. It was only the audio so I couldn't see the face of the speaker. Words from one of the talks entitled  "Trusting the Doctrine of Christ" struck me to the point that I thought I had better make note of this after I get back from Church. 

We had a member of the Seventy visit our Sacrament meeting today. We always sit close to the front and I recognized this brother as a General Authority although I didn't know his name. After the meeting he was engaged in a conversation with a couple when Joseph and I walked past -  he paused, looked right at me, smiled, and reached out to shake my hand, "Thank you for being here," he said to me. In return, I thanked him for his testimony and told him it was wonderful to have his presence here today. He smiled and said, "Thank you" and went back to conversing with the couple.  Joseph turned to me as we walked away and asked, "Does he know you?" I said, "No, but I know he's from the Quorum of the Seventy."

Later in our combined meeting, we talked about emergency preparedness and I shared with a sister sitting next to me some of the points made in that General Conference talk that had stood out to me earlier - which reminded me that I wanted to revisit it.

When I returned home from church the thought kept coming to me to look up the text to the conference address and write down verbatim the words that impressed on me. When I pulled up the talk, Trusting the Doctrine of Christ, and saw the picture of the speaker, I recognized him, Elder Evan A. Schmutz!! That was the same brother visiting our ward today. I had only listened to the audio in the morning so I didn't realize it all through church while he was there, but it was such a fun surprise to discover!

It didn't make his talk any more important than it already was. But it made me feel like it was more of a direct message to me. I love communication from God like that!!!

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/04/27schmutz?lang=eng

How's It Going to End?

Everyday life rarely turns out how we expect it to. With all our planning and organizing, something usually happens that wasn't planned, something that blindsided us or took us completely by surprise. They can happen in a split-second or can be gradual.

Just look over the last twenty years of your life and look at where you are now. What percentage of the events through that time period fell in line exactly how you imagined they would?
What did you do with those unexpected twists and turns?
Did you grow from them, learn from them?
How did they shape your life into what it is today?

If you had the power to do so and with the perspective you have now, would you go back in time and change those unexpected events so that things worked out more according to your imagination? Why or why not?

What choices mattered most and what has turned out to not matter at all?

Sometimes, I like to imagine myself twenty years into the future asking my present self these same questions. It helps me to put things into perspective.

Life can turn on a dime. There are really few things within our control from day to day but those few things within our control are so incredibly valuable and powerful! We can ask ourselves...
What will I choose to occupy my thoughts?
How will I choose to extend my love?
What can I do to make the most of the time I have in this very moment?

Neal A. Maxwell once said, "Life’s necessary defining moments come within our allotments, and we make 'on the record' choices within these allotments. Our responses are what matter. Sufficient unto each life are the tests thereof!"- Content with the Things Allotted unto Us (see  Matt. 6:34)

Even with all the unexpected events we will inevitably face, we still have a great deal of control with how it all will end. Even without knowing the details, our hearts can be full of hope for the future.

"The joy we experience in this life will be in direct proportion to how well our lives are centered on the teachings, example, and atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ." -By Elder Richard J. Maynes
Of the Presidency of the Seventy

Humility, Obedience, Virtue

We had a really great Region Conference this last Sunday. Elder Gary Stevenson spoke on three Christ-like attributes to practice every day: Humility, Obedience, and Virtue. I love how he defined virtue - that our private actions and conversations are in line with what we profess to believe in public in our churches.

I found his same HOV pattern in my scriptures this week where Alma counsels us, "to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.... learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God. Yea cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever." - Alma 37:34-36

I absolutely love it when I hear counsel from modern day prophets and apostles and soon after find something in my scripture study that coincides perfectly with what they just said. It happens all the time!

Just thinking about verse 36 of Alma where he admonishes that all our thoughts and affections be directed to the Lord, reminded me of this cool song, "I Point to You".
Enjoy!!

-Alicia


"I Point To You"
by, We Are Messengers

How can I forgive when I can't forgive myself
How can I move on when all I have is regrets
How can I fix you when I keep turning away
How can I make it past the noise with my shame

I need a miracle
Some healing for my heart
I need a revelation
A brand new start
I want simplicity
Where I can rest
But I need a miracle to put my past to death

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You

I want so badly just to finally get well
But I don't want a quick fix and emotional sell
I will be honest with my humanity
No I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be

I need a miracle
Some healing for my heart
I need a revelation
A brand new start
I want simplicity
Where I can rest
But I need a miracle to put my past to death

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You

People say that I've lost myself
I'll say I'm found in You
People ask where does my story end
I'll say it starts with You

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You
I point to You
I point to You

The Life and the Light

Sometimes, I wonder how often we really consider the power of God. How often do we let discouragement, fear, vain ambitions, conceitedness, insecurities, or disbelief get in the way? I believe that our Father in Heaven is a God of miracles and that he is anxious to provide ways to help us through every hardship. We discussed as a family tonight about how most adversity can be the key element to self discovery..and more importantly, Christ discovery.

This Mormon Message "Because of Him" has been on my mind for the last couple of days. I've been asking myself how much I really trust in and consider the power of our Father in Heaven and Savior. Pondering more fully such sacred truth fills me with reverence and awe!

In my scripture study today, these verses stood out the most:

“See that ye are not lifted up unto pride; yea, see that ye do not boast in your own wisdom, nor of your much strength. Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness… learn wisdom, that ye may learn of me that there is no other way or means whereby man can be saved, only in and through Christ. Behold, he is the life and the light of the world. Behold, he is the word of truth and righteousness.” - Alma 38: 11,12 &9

It doesn't really matter what is happening in my life at the moment... There is "one thing that is needful" to always remember.  The truth of Who God is and my relationship with Him, brings me an immense amount of peace.. come what may. 
He truly is the God of Love and the God of miracles!

-Alicia

Grateful

I don't have much to write today.  I'm just grateful for the Gospel in my life: for the scriptures, for prayer, for living prophets, for my Savior, for the Atonement. I'm grateful for the peace that comes from hanging on to principles of truth. And there is a wellspring of truth overflowing in this Gospel.
-Alicia

Grateful

by, Paul Cardall

First Goal of the Year

"Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth’s sake."

- Psalms 115:1 - KJV

"Don't give glory to us, O LORD. Don't give glory to us. Instead, give glory to your name because of your mercy and faithfulness."

- Psalms 115:1 - God's Word Translation

"Not to us, LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."

-Psalms 115:1 NIV Translation

This is such an awesome scripture!  I love this verse in all the versions of the Bible.  Can you imagine how different the world would look if we could only remember where all the credit and glory really belongs?  Can you imagine how much we would stop worrying about the opinions of others, for good or for ill... and focused on the One opinion that really matters most?

Even Christ--who deserves all the glory--said during His ministry,  " Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God." - Mark 10:18

Elder Neal A. Maxwell observed,

Is there not deep humility in the omnicompetent Christ, the majestic Miracle Worker, who acknowledged, “I can of mine own self do nothing” (John 5:30)? Jesus neither misused nor doubted his power, but he was never confused about its source, either. Instead, we mortals—perhaps even when otherwise modest—are sometimes quite willing to display our accumulated accomplishments, as if we had done it all by ourselves. Hence this sobering reminder:

“And thou say in thine heart, My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth.

But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day.[Deuteronomy 8:17–18]"

On another occasion Neal A. Maxwell recognized,

“Something I have heard President Hinckley do many times publicly is to give all the glory, the praise, and the honor to God. This is something I am going to do more often, including today, incorporating my appreciation for God’s tutoring and blessings.”

I think this is a fantastic place to start with a New Year’s resolution…  to always give credit where credit is due.  To be watchful and careful everyday that my motives are pure and not self-centered or self-aggrandizing. And when there is any praise given to me, I pray that I will be quick to acknowledge from Whom all blessings flow.

-Alicia

"Let not any passion be for kingdoms we have fashioned in our own name For our own fame... Let us not be fooled And let us not be disillusioned Let our eyes see You clearly... Anything that’s true Anything that’s good Let it point to You... Not to us" -Nichole Nordeman

Light the World

Today is the day: The worldwide day of service! 

From now until Christmas, we will consciously look for ways to reach and serve people in a way we would imagine the Savior doing. 

From my own experiences, I'm FOREVER grateful and will always hold in my heart those who have shined their LIGHT in my life and made my world so much brighter.

Dec. 1:  Jesus lifted other's burdens. What will you do today to lift another's burden?

#LIGHTtheWorld

Light the World 

Calendar

2 Nephi 25:26 - Ponderize - Week 56

The verse I've chosen to ponderize this week is from where I'm reading with my personal study in the Book of Mormon.  I love this scripture! It's a favorite to many and there's good reason...  It's awesome! 

"We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, 
we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, 

and we write according to our prophecies, 
that our children may know to what source 

they may look for a remission of their sins." 

- 2 Nephi 25:26

And like any awesome scripture, it makes it extra cool to have a song that goes with it--a song that makes you want to clap your hands and testify! Amen!! 

"If you’ve got pain

He’s a pain taker

If you feel lost

He’s a way maker"

-Zach Williams

-Alicia - (Make the Day Beautiful) ;)

Hope Works!

The Mormon Channel has rolled out a new video series all about hope and redemption.  The stage format is very similar to Ted-Talks.  The one my husband and I watched today was called "The Perfect Lie" and it touches on the destructive aftermath of perfectionism. This woman tells her story of how she was caught up in the check-list of everything she was "supposed" to be and how it broke her, shattered her.  She tells how she came to know the Savior and what Grace really was through all her brokenness.

As we watched her share her testimony, I couldn't help but think of this new Christian song I love.  Take a listen! This is what the Gospel of Jesus Christ really is all about

"Mended"

by, Matthew West

When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home

How many times can one heart break?

It was never supposed to be this way

Look in the mirror, but you find someone you never thought you'd be

Oh, but I can still recognize

The one I love in your tear stained eyes

I know you might not see him now, so lift your eyes to me

When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended

You see your worst mistake

But I see the price I paid

And there's nothing you could ever do, to lose what grace has won

So hold on, it's not the end

No, this is where love's work begins

I'm making all things new

And I will make a miracle of you

When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended

I see my child, my beloved

The new creation you're becoming

You see the scars from when you fell

But I see the stories they will tell

You see worthless, I see priceless

You see pain, but I see a purpose

You see unworthy, undeserving

But I see you through eyes of mercy

When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

You're not too far gone

You're one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet, no

When you see wounded, I see mended

Ooh, I see mended

Woah, oh I see mended

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended

-Alicia - (There's always hope.)

Atonement of Peace - Ponderize - Week 54

Nephi was a prophet of God--a good and righteous man--but even he grieved because of how easily he felt anger towards his brothers.  He recognized that if he didn't do something to be rid of the contention within, it would eat him alive. "Why should I give way to temptations that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?" - 2 Nephi 4:27

When I read the things that Nephi's brothers did to him, the human-nature side of me feels that he is justified in his anger towards them.  Yet, Nephi recognizes that peace cannot abide with resentment.

I cross referenced my scripture study this morning to Ephesians 4:31.  This is the verse I'll be pondering for the week.
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice."

When we hold onto slights, refuse to forgive, and wallow in bitterness--it not only strangles our spirit but it slowly cripples and kills our physical body too.

Russel M. Nelson gave a fantastic talk back in 1989 entitled The Canker of Contention.  He said, "As we dread any disease that undermines the health of the body, so should we deplore contention, which is a corroding canker of the spirit.' ...President Ezra Taft Benson described contention as 'another face of pride.'"

Of course, we can only choose to get rid of the contention in our own heart.  Unfortunately, we cannot force or make others get rid of their bitterness and anger--making it very difficult for us to maintain kind or generous feelings towards them. So, what do we do?  We turn to our Mediator, our great Intercessor.  He understands completely and is the great healer of all wounds. He can help us to nurture feelings of compassion, understanding, and love that don't come naturally in such circumstances.

Nephi gains strength to forgive through the power of the atonement, he finds peace by turning his heart to the Savior, "Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation." - 2 Nephi 4:30

I too find strength in the atonement.  I'm so thankful for my Savior and the constant peace that I find in Him.

-Alicia

Major Tom, your circuits dead, there's something wrong.

Our "new" van broke down Friday night due to the transmission jolting and revving.  It caught us totally off guard. I tested it again in the morning and sure enough, the same problem. I had to call and have it towed.  The factory warranty we were led to believe it was under is actually null and void because of an undisclosed original owner/company, Via Motors, that removed the engine and replaced it with their own parts. It's like some kind of eerie mad Scientist experiment where the Dr. takes out the brain of a patient and puts in a different one just to see how they function. When we bought it, we knew nothing about Via Motors and it was never disclosed on the car facts. We understood the engine had all brand-new parts but we were told they were GM and the power train was covered for one more year. Learning otherwise yesterday made me sick to my stomach.  This is the last thing we needed!

Since I am out a vehicle for a while, I had to have my friend, Suzanne, give me a lift to the laundromat so I could take care of the wash. She could only drop me off yesterday because all her kids had soccer games they had to be to.  I told her not to worry about picking me up and that somehow I'd find a ride home.  I brought some food and my homework with me.  In between my reading assignments I made phone calls back and forth to the company that we bought our van through and the Chevy dealer's repair shop.  The place who sold it to us was horrified with the information I gave them and denied having any knowledge about Via Motors.

All the detective work between the dealer and the factory was very frustrating.  I needed a breather.  After changing the clothes from the washers to the dryers, I walked around to the side of the building and slumped down in the shade of a tree.  I began listening to Richard G. Scott's talk from 1995 "Trust in the Lord." My 80-yr-old friend, Vic, came outside and discovered me sitting there.  (Vic is the owner of The Wash Hut Laundromat I've been going to for these past eight years.  He's a very nice man, is always asking how I'm doing and bringing the children treats.)

I tried to put a smile on my face but couldn't suppress feeling so stupid and completely humiliated for buying another lemon, especially at this time where we're going to have to scrape and save all we can to make our mortgage each month.  I was overwhelmed with doubts of my ability to be inspired and questioned myself:  "Was there a prompting I missed somehow that tried to warn me about this van?  How many other times have I felt as if I was going in the right direction only to discover a dead end? What's wrong with me? Why is this happening?"

"How ya doin' kid?" Vic's voice interrupted my self-defeating thoughts. I looked up and answered with a tired, "Hey there."
 Sensing something wasn't right he asked, "What brings you over to this side of the building?"
"I'm just trying to gather my thoughts," I replied.
"Oh??" Vic said with an imploring tone and crossed his arms to comfortably listen.
"You won't believe it... but remember how our two cars broke down a couple months ago and we got that new van?? Well, now this new one is having some serious issues... right at the time we're getting ready to move into a house and take on a mortgage too.  Even this dang phone, our only phone is literally falling to pieces (I held it up with its shattered screen in the air)... and so is our computer at home.  It's like everything is deciding to break right now -  right when everything is being removed from under us."
I took in a deep breath and heaved a heavy sigh.
"Aw, kid, I'm so sorry!" Vic replied with deep sympathy.
Despite my effort to hold back my tears, they began to stream down my face. I tried to wipe them quickly away and be strong. Vic rushed inside, grabbed me some Kleenex and a drink, and handed them to me as I continued:
"I just wish I knew what was going on.  Is the Lord trying to tell me something?  Is there something I need to change? I don't even have time to deal with all of this. I have a five-page paper due on Monday and I can't think, I can't focus at all.  I'm trying to be optimistic.  I'm trying to hear the Lord's voice in all of this.  I don't know what to do."
Vic placed his hand lovingly on my head, "Oh, this is awful, kid. I'm so very sorry." He stood there searching for more words to say,  "I wish there was something I could do.  I wish I could write your paper for you.  I wish I could fix your van, fix everything that's wrong.  I just wish I could make everything better."
"I know you do, Vic. You are very sweet." I assured him that his kindness to listen was more than enough and I appreciated him expressing so much concern. "I know everything will be alright.  I just need to trust that." I pointed to the talk I had on my phone by Richard G. Scott, "I just need to trust this."
"Well, let me know what you need from me." Vic insisted and returned into the building with a friendly wave.
I thanked him again and put my headphones back in to continue listening to Elder Scott's talk. I had to finish my work, I just couldn't afford to waste any more time.  I gathered my stuff and walked back into the Wash Hut so I could begin folding clothes from the dryers. Elder Scott concluded his talk with this testimony:

"I know the principles that we have discussed are true. They have been tested in the crucible of personal experience. [his own crucible of personal experience] To recognize the hand of the Lord in your life and to accept His will without complaint is a beginning. That decision does not immediately eliminate the struggles that will come for your growth. But I witness that it is the best way there is for you to find strength and understanding. It will free you from the dead ends of your own reasoning. It will allow your life to become a productive, meaningful experience, when otherwise you may not know how to go on (see D&C 24:8)."

The counsel, "recognize the hand of the Lord in your life" hit me as the key to the peace I was needing in that moment.  I began listing to myself all the blessings I had seen in the past several hours:
"I'm grateful my friend, Suzanne, was there for me to drive me to the laundromat.
I'm grateful I have some quiet time to study.
I'm grateful my arms and legs work so that I can stand here and easily fold these clothes.
I'm grateful I my health is good and I can enjoy the beauty of this day.
I'm grateful that I have perfect hearing and that I have this blessing of technology to listen to this talk from an apostle of the Lord as I work."

Focusing on the blessings really helped me and I felt so much better, much more calm.

Vick came over to visit again.
"How are you planning on getting all this stuff home?"
"I was going to call a friend and see if someone might be available to take me back."
"Me! Call me!" Vick offered.
"Okay, thank you," I said graciously.
He hastily brought his car around to the front of the building, backed it up, and opened the trunk. "Here you go. Just let me know when you are ready to leave."

I mentally added one more thing to be grateful for on my list. And started Elder Scott's talk over again for the third time.

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.

When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive the maximum help from your loving Father.

The laundry was ready and loaded into the trunk of Vic's car.  He came out with a bag full of treats from the vending machine. "For your children." He smiled, stuffing the bag between the folded towels.  He drove me home and helped me carry the baskets up to my apartment.  I thanked him again for all his kindness and generosity.  He hugged me, kissed me on the head, and drove away with a wave, "I love you, kid."

I pulled out the bag of treats Vic had stuffed into the laundry and began to divide the candy among the children.  At the bottom of a bag was an envelope with $100.  "Ah, Vic, you didn't need to do that!" I said out loud as if he were still there.  I rebuked myself for complaining so openly. I didn't want him to give me money! I didn't want anyone to!!  Nevertheless, it was another blessing and I thanked my God for it. I remembered the verse I had been pondering over this past week. "For I know the plans I have for you..."

"When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow." - Richard G. Scott

I want to grow.
I trust the Lord.
-Alicia

Dawn is Breaking

It's just not usual for me to toss and turn but I was so worried about Joseph.  These somewhat forced and unforeseen new expenses in our life (buying a car and buying a house) have hit him hard and understandably, he's been completely overwhelmed with anxiety with how he's going to provide for it all.  Last night, he came into bed extremely late because he was up looking for a second job. He absolutely hates the thought of a second job.  

It didn't take much for me to discern his discouragement when his head hit the pillow.  In frustration he blurted,"What if we have all these expenses suddenly come up under this new and extremely tight budget and we find ourselves in a situation where we can't make our mortgage or we have to file bankruptcy??"  I tried to reassure him that it would never happen and things would be alright.  He rolled to his side and faced the wall and didn't say anything.  He was exhausted and I knew that continuing to try and talk would only frustrate him more so I scratched his back until I fell asleep... well sort-of... I kept waking every 20 minutes.  

At 5 a.m. my restlessness conquered sleep completely and I decided that it was entirely useless for me to try anymore.  I climbed out of bed, got dressed, grabbed my backpack, my headphones, my scriptures...  and I headed up to the Y.  

There's something about the early morning air before the break of dawn that is extremely invigorating for me. I love the feeling of hiking alone too so I can reflect or commune with God silently along the way.  The silhouette of Rock Canyon under the light of a half-moon greeted me like a watchful guardian as my feet hit the trail.  I breathed in deep the mountain air and soaked in the beauty of my surroundings while Chandler's "Epic/ Triumphant" playlist ignited my imagination through the headphones;  Such a combination of things always makes me feel so free.  Instantly, I was feeling better! 

When I reached the top, I found a bench and enjoyed the glittery scene of the waking city I love so much.  I prayed and poured my heart out to the Lord.  I knew I had plenty of time before the children would be getting up so I just relaxed and stayed there praying and reading.  I opened to where we've been studying as a ward family in the Book of Mormon.  I read about how the Jaredites were guided on their journey to their promised land.  I read the promise from the Lord that if they did everything in the name of Christ and served God, they would not be cast out.  I felt this applied to our situation.  I know we won't end up in a bankruptcy situation.  I think we are going to see blessings unfold in ways we didn't imagine.  The more I prayed and read the more sure I felt of this promise.   

As dawn approached, I thought of the awesome power of the sun and how its radiance causes all other light to pale in its wake.  God's power is like this, nothing really can compare.  I trust Him.

Just as the morning rays began to hit the horizon, this gorgeous song called, Sunshine by John Murphy, began to play.  It was perfect!  I felt so much reassurance, so much peace. I felt grateful. 

When I returned home, I greeted Joseph with a fresh excitement.  "I have to tell you that you don't need to look for a second job,  Everything is going to be alright. And if all else fails, I have some ideas of how I'll earn some money at home.  I think we are going to witness some amazing things. Trust me on this." 

He took a deep breath and looked at me hoping I was right.  I hugged him tightly.  "Hang in there," I said, "We got this.  God is in charge and He won't let us fail in this endeavor because our hearts are in the right place, because we are doing all of this in the name of Christ and for the right reasons.  He's got our back."  

I never did regain any of my lost sleep throughout the day.  But the experience of this morning was worth losing sleep over.  I know just as sure as the sun rises every morning, my Father in Heaven is always there.  Nothing compares to His power.  

  

-Alicia

Bullet Proof - Ponderize - Week 47

Tonight, we had a family lesson on the story of Moses when he spoke with God face to face, when he experienced the glory of heaven and witnessed the vast expanse of the Lord's creations.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland expounds, "What happened to Moses next, after his revelatory moment, would be ludicrous if it were not so dangerous and so absolutely true to form. In an effort to continue his opposition, in his unfailing effort to get his licks in later if not sooner, Lucifer appeared and shouted in equal portions of anger and petulance after God had revealed himself to the prophet, saying, 'Moses, worship me.' But Moses was not having it. He had just seen the real thing, and by comparison this sort of performance was pretty dismal.

Moses looked upon Satan and said: 'Who art thou? . . . where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?
For behold, I could not look upon God, except his glory should come upon me. . . . But I can look upon thee in the natural man. . . .
. . . Where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God. . . .
Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not.' [Moses 1:13–16]" 

After discussing this story with our children, I thought of the power of Truth and reflected on the conversation I had with a friend this morning about the scriptures.  She pointed out the verse in Helaman 5:12 the verse that promises if we are built on the foundation of Christ "that when the devil shall send forth his ... shafts in the whirlwind... it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo."  (My friend admitted she didn't really know the word "shafts"  so she looked it up and discovered it meant weapons.) When she shared this, it made the verse even more significant, especially in connection with these other verses in the scriptures;

"No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper.... This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord." Isaiah 54:17

"For the Lord will go before you; and the God of Israel will [have your back]." - Isaiah 52:12

All I could think of was that with God we have the greatest power of the universe on our side and that we can actually be "bullet proof" to sniper attacks from the Adversary.

I wasn't there with Moses on the mountain to witness his encounters with heaven and hell.  Oh what an experience that would have been!  Just imagine the "casting out" scene when Moses calls upon the power of God to command Satan to leave. If I had been there, I probably would've liked to play a little song for the occasion remembering always Who has my back and Who makes me strong:

You shout it out,

But I can't hear a word you say

I'm talking loud, not saying much

I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet

Shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

Ricochet, you take your aim

Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

Cut me down

But it's you who'll have further to fall

Ghost town and haunted love

Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones

I'm talking loud not saying much

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

Fire away, fire away

Ricochet, you take your aim

Fire away, fire away

You shoot me down but I won't fall

I am titanium

- Alicia

Dear Kaylee

My youngest child was baptized today.  Of all the hymns she could have picked for the closing song of the services, she chose to sing "Angels We Have Heard On High".  Even though it's the beginning of August and this is a Christmas piece, I thought her selection was perfect!  After all, I have no doubt that angels were rejoicing with songs of gloria at her decision to enter into a covenant with Christ.  Her choice today will affect generations to come in so many wonderful ways!

With each of my kid's baptisms, I've had a tradition of writing what I call "A Mother's Blessing" in the cover of the new set of scriptures they receive.  These are my words to Kaylee on this special day.

....

"Dear Kaylee,
I'm so proud of your decision to be baptized.  Your first name means "pure" and your middle name, Elizabeth, means "My God is an oath."  Today, through our Savior, and every day of your life, always remember that it is Him who makes you pure, it is Christ that makes you whole.

Kaylee, an oath is a promise, a vow... and when you make the promise to testify of Christ, to keep His commandments, and to always remember Him, then He makes a promise that you will always have His spirit to be with you... and this is the covenant you enter at baptism.  This is powerful!

Kaylee, I pray you will always seek the words of Christ in your life because they will always lead you right.  His words are to be found in these scriptures!  In the scriptures, you will also discover that they testify of the great importance and vital need for prophets and apostles.  Always remember that whether it is by [Christ's] own voice or by the voice of [His] servants, it is the same." (D&C 1:38)  Always remember Him by treasuring His word and let it sink deep within the soil of your heart with constant nourishment.

Kaylee, another thing you will notice in the scriptures is a pattern of behavior that destroyed many people even entire civilizations.  This pattern was pride, arrogance, vanity and selfishness.  It is a temptation we all struggle with to some extent in our lives.  We lose sight of what matters most and begin to think that happiness will come when we are popular, when we are beautiful, when we are recognized or praised by others.  Avoid the temptation to be self-centered.  It will only bring grave disappointment and breed envy and hate.

Seek to live as the Savior did with an outside focus to constantly seek for opportunities to lose yourself, to openly praise the good in others, to recognize true beauty found in pure and honest hearts.

Never forget your Divine worth.  You don't need the lime-light, you need the Savior's light!  The world is His stage and you are already the center of it.  There is no other approval that even remotely compares to that which comes from the God of the Universe, " Well done, my good and faithful servant!" (Matt 25:21)

I love you, my sweet compassionate Kaylee!

Love, Mom"

The Impossible Dream

I know two songs from the movie though I don't recall ever watching it.  I've never read the book either... even though it has sat on my shelf for years.  When I was a little girl, I remember my mother singing The Impossible Dream and Man of Lamancha.  She'd dance through the kitchen like a cheerful songbird and often get the lyrics messed up... but she sang her heart out anyway.

After reading the book that came in the mail last week, I took interest in the way the author mentions Don Quixote in her last chapter.  It reads as follows:

After [Don Quixote] tells [Aldonza] of his quest - to follow the impossible dream - she pleads, "Once, just once - would you look at me as I really am?"
He gazes into her eyes and answers, "I see beauty.  Purity.  I see the woman each man holds secret within him. Duclinea."

...In his quest to "add some measure of grace to the world" he became alive to new visions, to the vision of one who values all life - Jesus Christ.

Though she fights his vision as being unrealistic, her heart longs for it to be true, and in time the presence of his love, gentleness, and glory transform her life and her very nature.  

His triumph in the quest to "add some measure of grace" comes as he lies upon his deathbed and Aldonza comes to see him.  
She cries for him to regain the quest, "Please!  Try to remember!"
"Is it so important?" he asks.
"Everything.  My whole life.  You spoke to me and everything was different!" she pleads.
As he fades and dies, she is resurrected into a new being and walks away with his quest instilled upon her heart, and thereafter calls herself, Dulcinea [which means -sweet above all that is sweet]."

The part she describes here sounded so familiar to me.
"I know this story" I thought to myself.  " I know it well."
 It's a story of transformation, a story of redemption, a story of what happens to a soul when someone sees them differently, when they are seen by the light of truth, and it awakes them to who they are meant to become no matter how impossible it might seem.

There's no doubt in my mind that God knows and loves us beyond our mortal comprehension.  He answers our prayers.  He has great plans, tailor-made opportunities, and custom-fit challenges to help us grow into who we're meant to be.
...And sometimes He sends angels to help us along our journey.   I will thank God for my angels every single day of my life.  How could I ever forget the measure of grace they added to my world?!  Their quest is my quest now. It is written and instilled deep upon my heart forever.

From Don Quixote

To dream the impossible dream

To fight the unbeatable foe

To bear with unbearable sorrow

And to run where

the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong

And to love pure and chaste from afar

To try when your arms are too weary

To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest

To follow that star

No matter how hopeless

No matter how far

To fight for the right

Without question or pause

To be willing to march,

march into hell

For that heavenly cause

And I know

If I'll only be true

To this glorious quest

That my heart

Will lie peaceful and calm

When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be

better for this

That one man, scorned

and covered with scars,

Still strove with his last

ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable,

the unreachable,

The unreachable star

And I'll always dream

The impossible dream

Yes, and I'll reach

The unreachable star

"It is not that something different is seen, but that one sees differently.

It is as though the spatial act of seeing were changed by a new dimension."

- Carl Jung

Somewhere Safe - Ponderize - Week 37

...but there is somewhere safe.

How bad off are we as a country when a seven-year-old can't go to sleep because she is fearful of the choices we have for a Presidential Candidate?  Maybe it just means that we as parents need to be a little more cautious in our conversations or at least tone them down a bit.  Honestly, I didn't think we really said that much around her but it's amazing how much kids pay attention.

Kaylee timidly peered down the hallway with tears streaming down her face.  Joseph tucked her back in bed and sat patiently by her side listening to her express her concerns, 

"Can't we just move out of the country?" Kaylee asked between sobs.

Lovingly, Joseph responded, "Sweetheart, it's not that easy, I wish it was.  If America goes bad there's really not a lot of options left.  But, I can tell you that the safest place to live is always within reach.  Do you know where the safest place is?"

"Where?" She inquired with a feeling of hope.

Joseph pointed to her, "It's right where you are."

Kaylee looked confused.

Joseph explained, "It's right where you are because you have faith, you love Heavenly Father, and you have a righteous heart.  No matter where we live or what goes on around us, you can always be safe because you are 'armed with righteousness'". Then gently stroking her hair,  he reminded her of the story of Elisha in 2 Kings.
Kaylee's body relaxed and she was comforted to have her father at her side and to hear his testimony.

Joseph returned from helping her and relayed their conversation.  We discussed together our own views of the times in which we live for a while.  He shared with me a verse he's been focusing on in his studies and decided it would be a good one to ponder for the week.

"I Nephi, beheld the power of the Lamb of God, that it descended upon the saints of the church of the Lamb, and upon the covenant people of the Lord, who were scattered upon all the face of the earth; and they were armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory." - 1 Nephi 14:14

I love how Nephi beheld that they were scattered all throughout the earth.  There was no particular safe area or land but the power of God was found in the hearts of the covenant keeping people of the Lord wherever they were.  No, we can't run away from trouble but we can find peace and comfort in the middle of it all.

-Alicia :)

To Draw Closer to God - Ponderize - Week 27

General Conference is over and we have these six months to ponder all the wonderful messages before receiving again life-sustaining words from men and women called of God.  I absolutely loved the perspective Elder Renlund gave about fairness.  These are the notes I took during his talk:

• The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver ... the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement. 
• When we're distanced from God, even small inequities seem large.  
• Murmuring is the scriptural equivalent of childish whining.  Example:  Laman and Lemuel
• The closer we are to Jesus Christ in the thoughts and intents of our hearts, the more grateful we are for our Savior's grace.  Drawing nearer to the Savior causes us to change.  Rather than feeling entitled to His blessings and grace, we will want to do all we can to not cause Him any more grief.  
• Feel the power of Godly love.  Recognize the Lord's hand in your life.  Draw closer to the Savior.
• If life was fair we wouldn't be resurrected or return to our Father in Heaven.  It's not fair that Christ had to suffer for us, we don't deserve forgiveness or the resurrection.  For this I am grateful for "unfairness".  
• How much of the day do you spend whining?

This is my take-away:
 The principle difference in the statement "It's not fair" is dependent on where our focus is.  This focus will greatly affect the closeness we feel to God.

 A self-centered focus of "it's not fair" is when we spend our time scrambling for what we "deserve" or listing all the things we don't have.  It's a temperament that's offensive to the Spirit and we distance ourselves from God and others with such an attitude.  The entitlement philosophy suffocates appreciation, respect, love, and beauty.

On the other hand, it's a humbling shift when we focus the statement of "It's not fair" toward what our Savior has done for us. It's not fair that He was crucified, that He took upon Him all our sins and sorrows.  It's not fair that He was bruised and broken on the cross, rejected and hated for us.  Did He deserve better?  Absolutely!  We are undeserving of a resurrection, of His incredible love, unfailing sacrifice, and sweet forgiveness... yet He gave it freely.  Such a focus instills deep reverence, awe, and gratitude... drawing our hearts ever closer to God.

My personal scripture study this morning reminded me of Elder Renlund's talk.  Here the people of Nephi do a wonderful job applying the principle of a Christ-Centered focus:

"They were not lifted up in the pride of their eyes; neither were they slow to remember the Lord their God; a but they did humble themselves exceedingly before Him.  Yea, they did remember how great things the Lord had done for them, that He had delivered them from death, and from bonds, and from prisons, and from all manner of afflictions, and He had delivered them out of the hands of their enemies." - Alma 62:49-50

I'm so grateful for conference and the abundant truths there are to reflect and feast on.  As I ponder this scripture for the week, I'll be trying to notice where my own focus is.

-Alicia

Traditions and Truth

Our three neighbor children, Kaia, Carter, and Emma. came up to celebrate Easter with our family in the morning and again in the evening. We had scones with honey for breakfast because Christ ate honeycomb after he was resurrected.  For dinner, we had fish as our main course because the Savior taught us to be "fisher's of men".  We had grape juice with our meal too because Jesus "troddened the wine press alone".  For dessert, we made our traditional empty tombs.

As a gift, the kids got a new youth speaker CD, (they get one every Easter).  This one is called Press Forward by, John Bytheway.  It was great to have it play in the background while the children played chess and checkers.  

I'd say overall, the day went pretty well.  It was a little bumpy right after church between Miriam and Micah as they tried to dye Easter eggs.  The ones Micah tried to paint kept slipping out of his hands and cracking.  

We had a lot of mess with everything to say the least... but it all worked out.  I was really glad to have our three visitors.

As the kids listened to their John Bytheway CD - I heard this quote and had to quickly jot it down:

"God lives, and his eyes are over us, and his angels are round and about us, and they are more interested in us than we are in ourselves, ten thousand times, but we do not know it" (Journal of Discourses, 23: 222).

I love that!  "They are more interested in us than we are in ourselves, ten thousand times".  This is true! I know this!!  I mean, life can be hard and I think it's so wonderful to know that we can call down heaven to assist us.

Also, I've listened to this talk by Elder Holland a few times today.  I love his testimony!  

 "Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”

I like that we have this promise in life as Elder Holland says:  In the Gospel we have the "unfailing companionship" of Christ, of the Spirit, of angels (on earth and in heaven), prophets, teachers, leaders, and friends.  We are not alone!  I'm so thankful for this consolation and this wonderful Easter season!

-Alicia

Because He Lives!

What a wonderful week this has been!  I have truly loved focusing my scripture studies on the life of Christ from Palm Sunday up through until Easter Sunday.   Reading bits and pieces from James E. Talmage's "Jesus the Christ" has helped to fill my heart with great reverence throughout this week too.

I don't know how to describe it, but throughout this week, I have felt this incredible sense of awe wash over me for the lives of each of my children and my sweet husband.  I have felt so grateful for each of their personalities, for little things they do, for how fun and good and easy it is to be around every one of them.

My husband and I went to the Easter conference up on campus Friday night.  The talks inspired me to open my mouth more about the good news of our Savior.  As we left the auditorium and started back down the hill, I reflected in my mind, "That same room I meet in every week for my college lectures, is also a place of testimony, a place of worship through scripture and song, a place where prophets and apostles sometimes speak... it is a dedicated building.  How many colleges have that?" And again, this incredible sense of awe washed over me for BYU.  I squeezed Joseph's hand, turned to him and said, "It's such an amazing privilege and honor to be here. Seriously honey, I feel it every time I set foot on this ground.  Thank you so much for supporting me in my education. It truly means the world to me!"

My husband has come so far.  He's been happier, more encouraging, more grateful, more supportive, and more joyful than I have ever seen him in all our years together combined. There's no way he would have let me go to school three years ago.  Something has changed in him and the dark chains of depression that have bound him since he was a teenager, have been loosed.  I think that he is coming to understand the power of the atonement more.  We all need to strive for that, myself included.  I certainly hope that he has seen some good changes in me too this past year.

This quote by President Hunter was one of the many that hung in my little sanctuary/bedroom as a teenager and it has been playing over and over in my mind all week:
“Whatever Jesus lays His hands upon, lives. If He lays is hands upon a marriage, it lives. If He is allowed to lay His hands on the family, it lives.”

I know this! It makes me want to shout, "My husband is alive! My children are alive! My marriage is alive! My hopes and dreams are alive!  I am alive!  All because of Him, because the Savior has laid His hands on us."  Hallelujah!  

"I am, among [women], most richly blessed!!"
Happy Easter!

-Alicia

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

"On the day following the preparation,' that is to say on Saturday, the [Jewish] Sabbath and 'high-day,' the chief priests and Pharisees came in a body to Pilate, saying: 'Sir, we remember that the deceiver said, while he was yet alive, After three days I will rise again.  command therefore that the sepulcher be made sure until the third day, lest his disciples come by night, and steal him away, and say unto the people, He is risen from the dead: so the last error shall be worse than the first.'" - Jesus the Christ p.665

So Pilate ordered a large stone to be rolled in front of the tomb and guards to secure the opening.  But nothing could hold back the Spirit of the Lord. The Savior had already gone to spirit paradise to visit and teach those who had died before him.

" Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.

  And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow." - Alma 40:11-12

There's a lot to think about today as we ponder upon the life of our spirit and physical death. One thing I do know, is that light is eternal.  Today, I am reminded of this gorgeous poem sung by Libera.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there; I did not die

- Mary Elizabeth Frye