Humility, Obedience, Virtue

We had a really great Region Conference this last Sunday. Elder Gary Stevenson spoke on three Christ-like attributes to practice every day: Humility, Obedience, and Virtue. I love how he defined virtue - that our private actions and conversations are in line with what we profess to believe in public in our churches.

I found his same HOV pattern in my scriptures this week where Alma counsels us, "to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.... learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God. Yea cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever." - Alma 37:34-36

I absolutely love it when I hear counsel from modern day prophets and apostles and soon after find something in my scripture study that coincides perfectly with what they just said. It happens all the time!

Just thinking about verse 36 of Alma where he admonishes that all our thoughts and affections be directed to the Lord, reminded me of this cool song, "I Point to You".
Enjoy!!

-Alicia


"I Point To You"
by, We Are Messengers

How can I forgive when I can't forgive myself
How can I move on when all I have is regrets
How can I fix you when I keep turning away
How can I make it past the noise with my shame

I need a miracle
Some healing for my heart
I need a revelation
A brand new start
I want simplicity
Where I can rest
But I need a miracle to put my past to death

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You

I want so badly just to finally get well
But I don't want a quick fix and emotional sell
I will be honest with my humanity
No I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be

I need a miracle
Some healing for my heart
I need a revelation
A brand new start
I want simplicity
Where I can rest
But I need a miracle to put my past to death

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You

People say that I've lost myself
I'll say I'm found in You
People ask where does my story end
I'll say it starts with You

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You
I point to You
I point to You

Repulsive Rameumptoms

What is a Rameumptom?

It's a stand or tower where the Zoramites gave their rote prayers saying how grateful they were that they were better than everyone else. When Alma and Amulek viewed the scene of such wickedness and arrogance, they were filled with sorrow.

Alma described that the Zoramites "were a wicked and a perverse people... their hearts were set upon gold, and upon silver, and upon all manner of fine goods...their hearts were lifted up unto great boasting, in their pride... they cry unto [God], and yet their hearts are swallowed up in their pride. ... they cry unto [God] with their mouths, while they are puffed up even to greatness, with the vain things of the world." - Alma 31:24,25,27

This kind of pride is so tragic, so tragic that when Alma witnesses it he cries out with his own prayer, "O Lord, wilt thou suffer that thy servants shall dwell here below in the flesh, to behold such gross wickedness among the children of men?"  - Alma 31:26

When I read these things, I can't help wonder what the Rameumptoms of today might look like. I don't think they would be physical towers. But what other means could we use to rise above the crowd and boast? How are we channeling attention to ourselves and away from the Lord?

After reading Alma 31 and  Proverbs 16:18-19 this morning, I found a quote from a lead pastor that says, "Pride is that ugly part of your heart that causes you to be more concerned about yourself and your own reputation than you are about Christ and his." - Sam Storms (Christian Living - May 6, 2015 - How Pride Poisons the Soul)

Interesting how this pastor describes arrogance as "that ugly part" and Alma describes it as "gross". Perfect descriptions, I think!

Now, Alma's mission wasn't completely full of gross and depressing scenes of wickedness. He also met those who were repentant, who "took no thought for themselves" who had great faith and focus on Christ, so much in fact that in every affliction they were, "swallowed up in the joy of Christ". (Alma 31:37-38)

It must have been a breath of fresh air for Alma to meet those who had been humbled. In fact, I know it made him very happy because in Alma 32:6 it says it says he beheld them "with great joy".

 From my own experiences, I can see a world of difference, night and day difference, when I meet people who "take no thought of themselves" who are truly and sincerely focused on the Savior. They are the ones that shine to me, and they don't even know it.  They have discovered where real, lasting beauty resides.

Wow, what a contrast!

If Thine Eye Be Single

The Savior admonishes in the Sermon on the Mount for us to "Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven." (Matt 6:1)

He also counsels, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matt 5:16)

So, the question I have is this... What is the differentiating factor determining if our alms or good works "before men" are so terribly wrong or so incredibly right? I believe that it all centers on our intention. We might ask ourselves if our righteous deeds are done with the intent to be "seen of men" or to "glorify [our] Father which is in heaven"? 

"The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light." (Matt 6:22)

The point here again is that our vision, our focus, our intent must not be divided. We can't have half our desire to glorify God and the other half to glorify ourselves. The Savior in His sermon also makes it clear that "no man can serve two masters".  (Matt 6:24) And the apostle James taught, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8).

Jesus said, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matt 6:33)

Light will be added unto you, brighter and brighter. This is how we shine... By doing good works, giving alms, fearlessly loving, and simply serving others - all the while "taking no thought of [ourselves]" being 100% focused on giving credit where all credit is due, to our Father in Heaven.

-Alicia

Overcoming the World

"Behold [the author of all sin] had got great hold upon the hearts of the Nephites; yea, inosomuch that they had become exceedingly wicked; yea, the more part of them had turned out of the way of righteousness, and did trample under their feet the commandments of God, and did turn unto their own ways, and did build up unto themeselves idols of their gold and their silver." - Heleman 6:31

What causes people who were once enlightened by the Spirit of God to let the adversary gain such a great hold on them? 

In the verse quoted above it says that the Nephites "turned out of the way of righteousness...and did turn unto their own ways."  I think that's the root of the problem, they began to turn more inward, more selfish, more concerned about building up themselves than building up the kingdom of God.

So, how do we build God's kingdom here on earth? How do we stay focused on what matters most? How do we overcome the pride, the selfishness, and the arrogance that plagues so many? Elder Neil L. Andersen taught in this last conference, "Overcoming the world is not one defining moment in a lifetime, but a lifetime of moments that define an eternity."

If we examine our every-day choices, even the ones that look good on the outside, we must ask ourselves, "Where is my heart? What is my sincere motivation in doing this?" I think then we will begin to discover which direction our hearts are turned.

"The meek are able with regularity to peel off the encrustations of ego that form on one’s soul like barnacles on a ship." - Neal A. Maxwell (Meekly Drenched in Destiny)

Elder Andersen stated that "Those who overcome the world develop an all-encompassing love for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ... Overcoming the world means turning ourselves outward, remembering the second commandment: 'He that is greatest among you shall be your servant.'"

Our "turning" pivots on simple every-day choices, seemingly small things that seep into our lives and distract us from the right focus - Social media is one example. It's a great tool to connect with people, to offer encouragement, and to bear testimony of the Gospel....  but it can also become a terrible distraction, a vacuum that sucks a person's view into a narrow little hole of self-centeredness. It all depends on our motives. Are we out there for gain or for God?

"A disciple of Christ is not alarmed if a post about her faith does not receive 1,000 likes or even a few friendly emojis. Overcoming the world is being less concerned with our online connections and more concerned with our heavenly connection to God." - Neil L. Andersen

Online or in person, I believe the more we focus on our personal gain, popularity, or prestige- the more arrogant we become. A life without the Savior, the true vine, causes our Divine beauty to dry up and wither. But on the flip-side, the more our hearts are turned to our Father in Heaven, the more sincerely we are focused on the Savior, the more we lose ourselves, the more confident we become - and we blossom and grow into radiant humble disciples of Christ.

-Alicia

"He Knows My Name"

I don't need my name in lights

I'm famous in my Father's eyes

Make no mistake

He knows my name

I'm not living for applause

I'm already so adored

It's all His stage

He knows my name

I'm not meant to just stay quiet

I'm meant to be a lion

I'll roar beyond a song

With every moment that I've got

True to who You are

You saw my heart

and made

Something out of nothing

Notwithstanding My Weakness

I listened to this talk by Neal A. Maxwell today. I found it by searching for sermons that addressed feeling weak or inadequate in our callings in the church. Let's just say...  I really needed this!!

.......................

What can we do to manage these vexing feelings of inadequacy? Here are but a few suggestions:

1.  We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil’s dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, remembering that when conscience calls to us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon.

2.  We can contemplate how far we have already come in the climb along the pathway to perfection; it is usually much farther than we acknowledge. True, we are “unprofitable servants,” but partly because when “we have done that which was our duty to do” (Luke 17:10), with every ounce of such obedience comes a bushel of blessings.

3.  We can accept help as well as gladly give it. Happily, General Naaman received honest but helpful feedback, not from fellow generals, but from his orderlies. (See 2 Kgs. 5:1–14.) In the economy of heaven, God does not send thunder if a still, small voice is enough, or a prophet if a priest can do the job.

4.  We can allow for the agency of others (including our children) before we assess our adequacy. Often our deliberate best is less effectual because of someone else’s worst.

5.  We can write down, and act upon, more of those accumulating resolutions for self-improvement that we so often leave, unrecovered, at the edge of sleep.

6.  We can admit that if we were to die today, we would be genuinely and deeply missed. Perhaps parliaments would not praise us, but no human circle is so small that it does not touch another, and another.

7.   We can put our hand to the plow, looking neither back nor around, comparatively. Our gifts and opportunities differ; some are more visible and impactful. The historian Moroni felt inadequate as a writer beside the mighty Mahonri Moriancumer, who wrote overpoweringly. We all have at least one gift and an open invitation to seek “earnestly the best gifts.” (D&C 46:8.)

8.   We can make quiet but more honest inventories of our strengths, since, in this connection, most of us are dishonest bookkeepers and need confirming “outside auditors.” He who was thrust down in the first estate delights to have us put ourselves down. Self-contempt is of Satan; there is none of it in heaven. We should, of course, learn from our mistakes, but without forever studying the instant replays as if these were the game of life itself.

9.   We can add to each other’s storehouse of self-esteem by giving deserved, specific commendation more often, remembering, too, that those who are breathless from going the second mile need deserved praise just as the fallen need to be lifted up.

10.   We can also keep moving. Only the Lord can compare crosses, but all crosses are easier to carry when we keep moving. Men finally climbed Mount Everest, not by standing at its base in consuming awe, but by shouldering their packs and by placing one foot in front of another. Feet are made to move forward—not backward!

11.   We can know that when we have truly given what we have, it is like paying a full tithe; it is, in that respect, all that was asked. The widow who cast in her two mites was neither self-conscious nor searching for mortal approval.

12.   We can allow for the reality that God is more concerned with growth than with geography. Thus, those who marched in Zion’s Camp were not exploring the Missouri countryside but their own possibilities.

13.   We can learn that at the center of our agency is our freedom to form a healthy attitude toward whatever circumstances we are placed in! Those, for instance, who stretch themselves in service—though laced with limiting diseases—are often the healthiest among us! The Spirit can drive the flesh beyond where the body first agrees to go!

14.   Finally, we can accept this stunning, irrevocable truth: Our Lord can lift us from deep despair and cradle us midst any care. We cannot tell Him anything about aloneness or nearness!

- Neal A. Maxwell - Notwithstanding My Weakness - October 1976

Don't Be Supes Selfie

I've been reading about the pride cycle in the Book of Mormon. Today, I read Helaman 12:2&5 and it reminded me of the General Conference talk from April 2016 by Elder Stephen E. Snow, "Be Thou Humble".

I absolutely love this talk because it is so applicable and needed for today's disgustingly obsessed selfie world. As I write this, I laugh, because I'm reminded of this very funny cartoon that illustrates our society's grossly self-centered obsession in social media.

Super Social Network

As we raise our own children, we need to help them remain humble as they mature into adulthood. We do not do this by breaking their spirit through unkindness or by being too harsh in our discipline. While nurturing their self-confidence and self-esteem, we need to teach them the qualities of selflessness, kindness, obedience, lack of pride, civility, and unpretentiousness. We need them to learn to take joy in the successes of siblings and friends. 

President Howard W. Hunter taught that “our genuine concern should be for the success of others.” If not, our children can become obsessed with self-promotion and outdoing others, jealousy, and resentment for the triumphs of peers. I’m grateful for a mother who, when seeing I was becoming too full of myself as a boy, would say, “Son, a little bit of humility right now would go a long way.” - Elder Stephen E. Snow

That's some might fine advice!

-Alicia

The Ride of Our Life

All the foster parents talk about this job being a roller coaster: one day you feel like you can handle everything and the next day it feels like you're reeling out of control, screaming for your life!

My husband and I had a particularly rough time fostering this past week.  The fosters seemed to be making so much progress.... and then we don't know what happened? Both of them have become more emotional and defiant. And the more defiant their behavior is, the less compassion or love we feel for them-- (of course we feel terrible about our apathy) They sense this and it causes them to act out with worse behavior.  It's like a downward cycle.

A couple nights ago, the whole house was in commotion from our foster daughter's tantrums until 4am: Kaylee and Miriam left their beds to try and find a quieter place on the floor downstairs. At that moment, all of my bio-kids were displaced on a couch or a floor while the fosters had their own rooms and own beds.

We were wide awake as the clock ticked over to 4:30.  My husband and I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering what to do, we questioned why we ever made the decision to be a foster family. Discouragement descended into our hearts.  "What if we are damaging our biological children? What if they grow up resenting us and the foster kids for causing so much upheaval in their lives?"

I couldn't find the words to pray the next morning... all I really said was, "Father, we're both so exhausted and we're both struggling to feel the kind of love these kids need right now.  We are terribly tempted to just pass them off to a different family.  And as terrible and awful as that would be, it just feels like it would make our lives so much easier. But it's not just about our lives, these kids need help. We need inspiration.  We need some kind of encouragement, something to refresh and motivate us if this is what we must continue to do."

I only had a few minutes for scripture study because the kids were waking up again and the family routine demanded my attention. I opened my Bible's cover and found a card with two words "keep going".  It was a beautiful simple message on a card from a Relief Society lesson back in October.  I had forgotten about it because I don't usually open to the front cover. I took a deep breath and then opened to the middle of my Bible 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 

Joseph had an equally short morning for his personal scripture study but it's interesting that he had some similar messages. As hard as foster care is and as easy as it would be to quit, we feel like we need to keep going.

My husband and I had a special fast together this last Sunday.  We're praying for endurance and love, understanding and compassion that sees beyond rude or obnoxious behavior and focuses on the underlining issues and needs of these children.  We prayed for optimism and gratitude to verbally acknowledge any good that the foster kids do--even when praise is the last thing we feel like giving.

We prayed for wisdom to know how to fill the needs of our bio-kids along the way, to help them cope with their discomforts, to recognize how to give their-selves a break and renew their own strength. (They've actually done pretty well and have been amazingly loving through it all.)

Just one day at a time.... one day at a time.

Being foster parents is an extremely humbling and terrifying calling! We have to fight back fear every day... it's something people just have to experience to understand how hard and complicated it is.  We feel like we're free-falling right now but we're bound to get traction again... It's a roller-coaster right?... I guess it's all part of the ride so, we'll keep going.
-Alicia

Meekness, the Subtraction of Self - Ponderize - Week 51

Yesterday in Sunday School, the lesson focused on the beatitudes.  The attribute or virtue that seemed to take up most of the class discussion was meekness:  This is something I am trying to learn more in my life.  The talk "Meekly Drenched In Destiny" was referred to through several points - It's one of my favorite Neal A. Maxwell sermons - I don't think I could ever listen to it enough because I'm in constant need of these reminders.  I reviewed it again this morning and zeroed in on this section:

"Those of us who are too concerned about status or being last in line or losing our place need to reread those words about how the “last shall be first” and the “first shall be last” (Matthew 19:30). Assertiveness is not automatically bad, of course, but if we fully understood the motives which underlie some of our acts of assertion, we would be embarrassed. Frankly, when others perceive such motivations, they are sometimes embarrassed for us.

Granted, the meek go on fewer ego trips, but they have far greater adventures. Ego trips, those “travel now and pay later” indulgences, are always detours. The straight and narrow path is the only path which takes us to new and breathtaking places.

Meekness means less concern over being taken for granted and more concern over being taken by the hand. Less concern over revising our own plans for us and more concern about adopting His plans for us are other sure signs of meekness....
...Meekness is not a display of humility; it is the real thing. True meekness is never proud of itself, never conscious of itself."

These are the things that have been stirring in my heart and I want so much to be more humble. I want to learn these vital attributes, to be truly and sincerely meek.  The scripture that comes to my mind as a good one to ponder for the week is Mosiah 4:11

" I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel."

-Alicia

To Draw Closer to God - Ponderize - Week 27

General Conference is over and we have these six months to ponder all the wonderful messages before receiving again life-sustaining words from men and women called of God.  I absolutely loved the perspective Elder Renlund gave about fairness.  These are the notes I took during his talk:

• The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver ... the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement. 
• When we're distanced from God, even small inequities seem large.  
• Murmuring is the scriptural equivalent of childish whining.  Example:  Laman and Lemuel
• The closer we are to Jesus Christ in the thoughts and intents of our hearts, the more grateful we are for our Savior's grace.  Drawing nearer to the Savior causes us to change.  Rather than feeling entitled to His blessings and grace, we will want to do all we can to not cause Him any more grief.  
• Feel the power of Godly love.  Recognize the Lord's hand in your life.  Draw closer to the Savior.
• If life was fair we wouldn't be resurrected or return to our Father in Heaven.  It's not fair that Christ had to suffer for us, we don't deserve forgiveness or the resurrection.  For this I am grateful for "unfairness".  
• How much of the day do you spend whining?

This is my take-away:
 The principle difference in the statement "It's not fair" is dependent on where our focus is.  This focus will greatly affect the closeness we feel to God.

 A self-centered focus of "it's not fair" is when we spend our time scrambling for what we "deserve" or listing all the things we don't have.  It's a temperament that's offensive to the Spirit and we distance ourselves from God and others with such an attitude.  The entitlement philosophy suffocates appreciation, respect, love, and beauty.

On the other hand, it's a humbling shift when we focus the statement of "It's not fair" toward what our Savior has done for us. It's not fair that He was crucified, that He took upon Him all our sins and sorrows.  It's not fair that He was bruised and broken on the cross, rejected and hated for us.  Did He deserve better?  Absolutely!  We are undeserving of a resurrection, of His incredible love, unfailing sacrifice, and sweet forgiveness... yet He gave it freely.  Such a focus instills deep reverence, awe, and gratitude... drawing our hearts ever closer to God.

My personal scripture study this morning reminded me of Elder Renlund's talk.  Here the people of Nephi do a wonderful job applying the principle of a Christ-Centered focus:

"They were not lifted up in the pride of their eyes; neither were they slow to remember the Lord their God; a but they did humble themselves exceedingly before Him.  Yea, they did remember how great things the Lord had done for them, that He had delivered them from death, and from bonds, and from prisons, and from all manner of afflictions, and He had delivered them out of the hands of their enemies." - Alma 62:49-50

I'm so grateful for conference and the abundant truths there are to reflect and feast on.  As I ponder this scripture for the week, I'll be trying to notice where my own focus is.

-Alicia

"The Power of Not Knowing" - Ponderize - Week 23

"Wisdom is the highest spiritual intelligence.  While the natural man, through knowledge, can know nothing of wisdom.  A man may have a great intelligence and yet have nothing of the Christ life within him."

- Jane Lathrop Stanford

Liz Wiseman gave a great forum address at BYU several weeks ago called The Power of Not Knowing. I listened to it today. This is one of those talks I definitely want to repeat several times.  I really feel like I need to be better at asking questions and not act like I have all the answers, especially with my children.  It's a place of humility I know I haven't achieved yet.  

The text from this lecture isn't available but I've jotted down a few things she presents that I really, really love:

"Can we actually get too smart?... Is there actually more power in not knowing? I want to make a case for ignorance, and not ignorance in the case of the lack of education or stupidity, but simply the lack of certainty... As we gain knowledge and as we gain intelligence and we get smart, can we get a little too full of ourselves, a little too smart for our own good and maybe even a little too smart for the good of others?

When we come to depend on acquired knowledge, we can fall easily prey to secularism which offers us a one-eyed view of the world.... it's like we see half of the colors in a spectrum.  But we don't really fully see clearly until we unite our knowledge and our faith.

I think sometimes in our state of not knowing, it's actually where we come to know God.  It's where we discover!

We're so often at our best when we don't know.  The best leaders don't have the answers.  The best leaders have really good questions.  And they use those questions and their own intelligence to bring out the genius in the people around them.

I think it's time we recognize that at the top of the intelligence hierarchy, is not the genius - it's the genius maker.  And I think we need to recognize that we tend to do our best work when we're on the outer edges of what we know, when we're doing something hard and new and we're growing through challenge."

I think my favorite part in everything Sister Wiseman says is this:

"Sometimes in our state of not knowing is actually where we come to know God."

The uncertainty we face and the questions that may arise need not make us fearful of our capabilities or our future... for they humble us and bring us to our knees in prayer, connecting us with our all-knowing Father in Heaven.  The verse I've chosen to ponderize for this week is short but it will serve as a reminder to me that ultimately, there is beauty in not having all the answers and that there is infinite treasure to be discovered in the process of seeking.

"I applied mine heart to know, and to search, and to seek out wisdom, and the reason of things" - Ecclesiastes 7:25

-Alicia

In His Hands

I've just finished the part in the Book of Mormon where Alma and Amulek are miraculously delivered out of prison.  Prior to their own bondage, they were forced to watch the persecution and martyrdom of the believers who had been cast into the flames including many women and children.
Can you imagine the horror?
Amulek was pained so deeply and "said unto Alma: How can we witness this awful scene?  Therefore let us stretch forth our hands, and exercise the power of God which is in us, and save them from the flames.  But Alma said unto him: The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto Himself, in glory."  (Alma 14:10-11)

 He promises Amulek that God is just and that this moment will be noted for the righteous sake and for the wicked.
There may have been some comfort in this but I'm sure they still wondered why they were delivered and others were not.  Then the guards brutally beat, mocked, and humiliated Alma and Amulek - scoffing that their faith was useless in a God they couldn't prove the existence of.

"Alma cried saying: How long shall we suffer these great afflictions, O Lord? Give us strength according to our faith which is in Christ, even unto deliverance." (Alma 14:26)

God answered his prayer and they broke the bands... and the prison walls fell.
Still, how could one erase from memory all the terror and tragedy they had experienced?  It must have weighed them down with crushing pain on more than one occasion.

This wasn't their only sorrow though... poor Amulek had forsaken everything for the ministry, "all his gold, and silver, and his precious things,... rejected by those who were once his friends and also his father and his kindred." ( Alma 15:16) Alma was well aware of the enormous sacrifice his mission companion was dealing with, he "having seen all these things, therefore... took Amulek...to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord." (Alma 15:18)
I have often wondered how exactly Alma administered unto his friend. Did he give him a priesthood blessing?  And if he did...what did he say in that blessing?
I imagine that Alma shared great faith and testimony with him, that this was the Lord's work, that everything would be alright, and that God was keenly aware of their needs at that time.

One thing I've learned is that we can deal with all kinds of pain but it's the uncertainty that will kill us. The troubles were not taken away and they weren't given all the answers as to what? and how? and why?  But there was peace...
Peace that gave them strength to let go of the anxiety and to trust their future with full submission to their Father in Heaven.  Because amidst all the conflict, there was one thing that remained completely certain: They were in the Lord's hands.

Meekness and submissiveness are twin attributes we must learn in this life.  They are the hallmark of true faith and the gateway to finding rest to the weary soul and peace to the troubled mind .

I'm thankful for the scriptures and words of the prophets that remind me of this.  I'll close this post with some great quotes from Elder Neal A. Maxwell

"Submissiveness also checks our tendency to demand advance explanations of the Lord as a perplexed yet trusting Nephi understood: “I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.” (1 Ne. 11:17.)

So did a wondering but submissive Mary: “And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.” (Luke 1:38.)

Just as the capacity to defer gratification is a sign of real maturity, likewise the willingness to wait for deferred explanation is a sign of real faith and of trust spread over time.

If faithful, we end up acknowledging that we are in the Lord’s hands and should surrender to the Lord on His terms—not ours. It is total surrender, no negotiating; it is yielding with no preconditions....

The tilt of our souls in first moments is so vital. Will what follows be viewed with disdain or as having some design? Which will we do most, murmur or ponder?...

For the faithful, what finally emerges is an understanding of “things as they really are” (Jacob 4:13), such as the reassuring realization that we are in the Lord’s hands! But, brothers and sisters, we were never really anywhere else!"  - Elder Neal A. Maxwell (Willing to Submit)

-Alicia
All is well. :)

In Your Hands

Loss of Words In a Place I Can't See

 I can't describe the place I am in at this time.  I've had so many unexpected and strange experiences happen to me over the last couple of years . These experiences have stirred up a host of questions in my mind. The Lord has given me glimpses of things pertaining to my life. He has opened  the windows of Heaven in miraculous ways but I don't know what it all means or how it will all come together.

I feel like I'm in the dark. It's not the kind of dark that comes from wrong doing or the influence of the adversary.   No, it's not anything like that.  I know the Lord is with me but I just can't see a thing right now and it's hard to make sense of much when you can't see.

I went to a funeral today for a wonderful friend, Lloyd Baker. He was a good man who touched the lives of so many.  He had been quoted as saying, "When I go to heaven, I'm going to find the line that says, 'If you have questions, stand here.'"

I think I'll join my friend in that line.  I have so many to ask... not doctrinal questions but directional. Was the whole purpose of these particular things just to test me?  Was it all solely given for me to prove what I would do? It's a puzzle!

 I can't help but think the Lord won't reveal or answer them until my life is over.  I am sure then, I'll finally be able to see the bigger picture.

-Alicia

I Will Rest In You - Mindy Gledhill

Lord I´m in the dark

Seems to me the line

is dead when I come calling

No one there, the sky is falling

Lord I need to know

My mind is playing games again

You´re right where you have always been

Take me back to you

The place that I once knew

As a little child

Constantly the eyes of

God watched over me

Oh, I want to be

In the place that I once knew

As a little child

Fall into the bed of faith

prepared for me

I will rest in you

I wiil rest in you

I will rest in you

Tell me I´m a fool

Tell me that you love

me for the fool I am

And comfort me

like only you can

Tell me there´s a place

Where I can feel your breath

Like sweet caresses

on my face again

Take me back to you

the place that I once knew

As a little child

Constantly the eyes of

God watched over me

Oh, I want to be

In the place that I once knew

As a little child

Fall into the bed of faith

prepared for me

I will rest in you

I will rest in you

Í will rest in you

The Gift of Charity

The three-part series of books Elder David A. Bednar has written, all come with an interactive CD with segments corresponding to each chapter.  Being out of school for a semester, I'm able to dive back into this study and it's been so great!  This morning as I was listening to some of these segments and I was particularly struck by this discussion Elder Bednar had with a woman in the audience.  

Woman:    In your book, “Act in Doctrine”, you talk about that ultimately the gift of Charity posses us – we don’t posses it.  How do we know if Charity is possessing us?

Elder Bednar:    You’ll have to listen carefully to this answer –ok.  It will strike a little abruptly - given  the nature of your question.  
I really believe that the more we have [charity], the more we quit wondering if we have it...  We get in a mode of  “I want to get this” and I would suggest that the very mode of “I want to get this” gets in the way of us getting it... It's a turn to the Savior because we’re trying to get this but there’s a little bit of looking back.  A spiritual gift like Charity is when it’s about blessing somebody else, it’s not about us being able to say “yeah, I got this”… the more we get out of the way, the more it can be brought to us.

I believe what Elder Bednar is teaching here is the same concept C.S. Lewis illustrates about humility when the Satan figure in his book, Uncle Screwtape, is teaching his nephew, Wormwood, how to destroy a Christian;

"Your patient has become humble; have you drawn his attention to the fact? All virtues are less formidable to us once the man is aware that he has them, but this is especially true of humility. Catch him at the moment when he is really poor in spirit and smuggle into his mind the gratifying reflection, 'By jove! I’m being humble', and almost immediately pride—pride at his own humility—will appear. If he awakes to the danger and tries to smother this new form of pride, make him proud of his attempt—and so on, through as many stages as you please"

The Lord wants us to seek after the gift of Charity, in fact we are commanded to "pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that we may be filled with this love" (Moroni 7:48)  But in order for it to be bestowed, our "eye must be single to the glory of God" and it must not be exploited to get personal gain, to "look good, or appear good" or to glorify ourselves in any way.  Our hearts must be sincere and our motives must be pure.  

"True meekness has a metabolism that actually requires very little praise or recognition—of which there is usually such a shortage anyway. Most of the time, the sponge of selfishness quickly soaks up everything in sight, including praise intended for others." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

I think the same can be said about true charity.

Elder Maxwell warns, "Be careful of the natural man’s milder expressions—craving for credit and rustling for recognition. Alas, so often the hearts and even the moral agency of others can be crushed in the search for self-glorification."

C. S. Lewis explained this teaching of the Savior: “The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first—wanting to be the centre—wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan"

President Gordon B. Hinckley would say, “He who lives only unto himself withers and dies, while he who forgets himself in the service of others grows and blossoms in this life and in eternity.”

This is what I want to learn - to forget mySELF, but I must remember “that the very mode of ‘I want to get this’ gets in the way of [me] getting it…. A spiritual gift like Charity is when it’s about blessing somebody else" The whole entire idea of "self" must be taken out of the equation.

I think a great talk to go with these thoughts I've had today was given in April 2009 by Dallin H. Oaks - "Unselfish Service"  I'm so thankful for the wisdom and counsel of these wise men who have been called of God to help keep me in the right way.  I need their guidance.  

-Alicia

Unlocking Our True Self

Sister Patricia Holland gave a wonderful talk in 1987 called, The Soul's Center.  She tells of a very real illness that is increasingly common umong women and asks:

“What are we doing to ourselves? Is this that female curse Isaiah spoke of in his prophecies? Is this some special last days’ dilemma into which we are entering and from which we may find it near-fatally difficult to withdraw?"

She then goes on to make some very telling observations of what may be the cause of this malady.

"I believe that as women we are becoming so concerned about having perfect figures, or straight A’s, or professional status, or even absolute motherly success, that we are being torn from our true selves. We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our own uniqueness, that full and relaxed acceptance of ourselves as a person of worth and individuality. Too many women watch helplessly as their lives unravel from the core that centers and sustains them. Too many are like a ship at sea without sail or rudder, tossed to and fro (as the Apostle Paul said) until more and more of us are genuinely, rail-grabbingly seasick.

I believe we can find it—the steady footing and the stilling of the soul—by turning away from the fragmentation of physical preoccupations (whether it be thin or fat) of superwoman careers or endless popularity contests and returning instead to the wholeness of our soul.

[Satan] knows that to truly find ourselves we must lose ourselves, so he begins to block our increased efforts to love—to love God, our neighbor, and ourselves. True charity takes us into the beauty...self-evaluation. To see ourselves as we really are often brings pain; but true humility, which comes from that process, is a godly virtue. We must be patient with ourselves as we overcome weaknesses and remember to rejoice over all that is good in us. This will strengthen the inner woman and leave her less dependent on outward acclaim. When the soul reaches the stage that it pays less attention to praise, it then cares very little when the public disapproves. These feelings of strength and the quiet triumph of faith carry us into an even brighter sphere. 

Sister Holland gives five keys to unlocking our souls, our true selves, the Divine identity within us.  Each key opens up access to the next key and are as follows.

1st - Sincere Prayer
2nd - Scripture Study (combined with sincere prayer, provides us with revelation)
3rd - True Charity
4th- Self-Evaluation /humility (losing ourselves)
5th - Lifting the veil

As we reach through the veil
"we have our chance to meet God face-to-face. For those who, like the brother of Jared, have the courage and faith to break through the veil into that sacred center of existence, we will find the brightness of the final box brighter than the noonday sun. There we will find peace and serenity and a stillness that will anchor our soul forever, for there we will find God.

Wholeness. Holiness. That is what it says over the entrance to the fifth box. Holiness to the Lord. 'Know ye not that ye are the temple of God?' (1 Corinthians 3:16). I testify that you are holy, that just by being born, divinity is abiding within you, waiting to be uncovered—to be reborn. God bless you in your search for the sacred center of your soul" 

(The Soul's Center by, Patricia Holland- BYU Devotional 1987)

I love this talk.  Sister Holland nails it!  She understands what it means to have a soul centered on Christ.  It is here in this simple uncomplicated pattern of keys that frees us from the need to be noticed or the race to be recognized.  Women who follow this course know and understand their true identity.  They are settled and at peace even in the middle of the storms surrounding them.  These are women who truly trust in God's love, His grace, His commandments, and His covenants.  Their lives become less of a "balancing act" because there is only One they need to please and He is at the center of their heart.

-Alicia

Real Education

I've had the privilege of attending BYU's Education Week these past few days.  Tonight was the last night.  I've written down thoughts, taken snapshots of slides with my phone, and took mental notes too.  I don't want to lose any of this.  There is so much I need to learn!  I've had many impressions come of what I need to do to be a better wife and mother, a better sister and friend.  I have some goals I really want to achieve like being a more focused listener,  to seek more to understand rather than to be understood, to express sincere gratitude to God and to others more (especially those of my own family), to give more of personal one-on-one time to my kids even if it's just for 10 min.

 I want to be more optimistic and do better at recognizing blessings.  I heard a story tonight about a woman with trials I cannot even begin to describe, she's a modern-day Job.
 Man, her story was humbling! I couldn't help think of that old Indian proverb:  "I used to complain I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."  I have now and have had such a cushy life in comparison.

I went to a class on Tuesday all about optimism and living after the manner of happiness.  I've been thinking about what this looks like and how to apply it to myself.

Yesterday, I took my kids shopping for some school supplies.  As we left the store and loaded up the van, I stopped in my tracks and just looked around: I saw my wonderful children, I saw the beautiful sky above me, saw the modern conveniences everywhere and the ability we have to buy food and clothes... I got in the car and as we pulled on to the freeway, my heart was brimming over...  I just blurted out "It's a miracle!  It's a complete miracle!"
My kids looked at me with the usual glare, "You're so weird mom!"
I kept going, "No really, look at everything around us!  We are riding in this amazing machine at incredible speeds, we have air conditioning on a hot day and music that plays at the touch of a button. We hardly have to move a muscle and can be transported from point A to point B in just a matter of minutes.  Can you imagine what the pioneers would have thought of our being able to travel like this??  Couldn't you just see the handcart companies stuck in the snow and see an airplane fly overhead and realize, 'You mean to tell us we could have made this trip in 2 hours?!'  You guys we have miracles like this right in front of our face all the time that we hardly realize what is happening because we're just used to it.  They are EVERYWHERE!  We are so amazingly blessed!"
I wasn't sure if my kids were listening but boy it felt so good!  It was wonderful to take a moment to bask in all that is at our fingertips.  I want to make a habit of doing this more, I really do.  (As I'm writing, I'm remembering a devotional by Russel M. Nelson called The Magnificence of Man.  I need to listen to that again.)

I'll have to share in detail some time other things that I've taken with me from Education Week. My husband wants to make this a yearly tradition. I'm excited about that..  I have so very much to learn!

-Alicia

Symbols of Surrender

In 3 Nephi Chapter 27, the Savior speaks a great deal about baptism.  I love the imagery of surrendering our whole souls to God as one is baptized.  I've been thinking a great deal about other places where we find symbols of surrender.

In 3 Nephi 24, the Savior quotes Malachi 3 when He invites the multitude to be refined and purified through Him like silver and purged as gold.  In verse 10, He testifies of tithes and offerings. (Hearing this, I also think of fasting.) Personally trusting and acting upon these truths are symbols of surrender.

The Savior laying prostrate on the ground as He prayed in Gethsemane pouring out blood and soul, both there and on the cross; bruised, broken, and torn for us, is a beautiful symbol of the most humble surrender. Matt 26:36-46 Matt 27:32-56

Where else in the scriptures can we see these symbols?  Do we see other symbols of surrender in the Temple besides just baptism?

In the Conference Report of October 1966 President Howard W. Hunter said,
 "One of the great writers has penned: 'Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul; we may preserve it in the midst of the bitterest pain, if our will remains firm and submissive. Peace in this life springs from acquiescence, not in an exemption from suffering.' (Fenelon.)

Emerson wrote: 'Nothing can bring you peace but yourself; nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.' (Essay, 'Self-Reliance.') These principles are incorporated into the gospel of Jesus Christ. Indifference to the Savior or failure to keep the commandments of God brings about insecurity, inner turmoil, and contention. These are the opposite of peace. Peace can come to an individual only by an unconditional surrender—surrender to him who is the Prince of peace (Isa. 9:6), who has the power to confer peace."

Interesting that there is the pattern again about how to find rest and peace to our soul.
...Just some things I'll be thinking about today.

-Alicia

Learning Meekness - Finding Rest

As I was studying in Moroni, I noticed chapters 7, 9, and 10 all mention the word "rest." Upon reading this word, I felt a desire to extract it off the page, swallow it like a pill, and have its remedial effects penetrate deep into every fiber of my heart. While contemplating its consumption, I remembered that I had already been taught how to obtain rest. I have written about this before - Rest comes from coming unto Christ and "learning meekness." - Matthew 11:29-30

To have this rest I so desperately desire, I must become meek. I began to search as many conference talks or BYU speeches I could find on meekness. I found several and saved quotes from each of them. I hit a gold mine when I opened up this one by Neal A. Maxwell - "Meek and Lowly"

I took down some portions that really struck me.

"The full witness often does not come 'until after the trial of your faith' (Ether 12:6). Those trials may be very focused. President Lorenzo Snow once said to the Twelve of his day, 'Every one of us who has not already had the experience must yet meet it of being tested in every place where we are weak' (Abraham H. Cannon journal, April 9, 1890). Indeed, did not the Lord specifically promise the meek that he would make 'weak things become strong unto them' (Ether 12:27)

“Did Paul not speak knowingly of the ‘fellowship of [Christ’s] sufferings’ (Philippians 3:10)? Are we not told that meekness is so vital that God actually gives us certain challenges in order to keep us humble (Ether 12:27)? Did not Peter write regarding how Christians should expect to be familiar with fiery trials (1 Peter 4:12)? Furthermore, as the disciple enriches his relationship with the Lord, he is apt to have periodic ‘public relations’ problems with others, being misrepresented and misunderstood . He or she will have to 'take it' at times. Meekness, therefore, is a key to deepening discipleship.” - Elder Neal A. Maxwell - BYU Oct. 21, 1986 - Meek and Lowly

After reading these, It occurred to me that meekness is meant to grow out of weakness. Grateful for this imagery, such a realization helps me embrace the pain that accompanies areas where I am weak - like fully embracing the cutting, yet skillful, blade in the hands of the Master Physician. In striving to sincerely submit my will to His, I may be misrepresented or misunderstood by others and whatever comes of that, I must "take it!"

To renforce this principle of pain being part of the proceedure, C.S. Lewis said:

"[So God is, then, something like a divine physician.] A cruel man might be bribed—might grow tired of his vile sport—might have a temporary fit of mercy, as alcoholics have [temporary] fits of sobriety. But suppose that what you are up against is a [wonderfully skilled] surgeon whose intentions are [solely and absolutely] good. [Then], the kinder and more conscientious he is, [the more he cares about you,] the more inexorably he will go on cutting [in spite of the suffering it may cause. And] if he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain up to that point would have been useless. . . . [pp. 49–50]

[So I am, you see, one] of God’s patients, not yet cured. I know there are not only tears [yet] to be dried but stains [yet] to be scoured. [My] sword will be made even brighter. [C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed (New York: Seabury Press, Inc., 1961 p. 49]"

In Elder Neal A. Maxwell's talk, he lists characteristics of the truly meek. I laid them out and read them over and over again, wanting to burn them into memory. I have so much to learn! I'm grateful the Lord is patient with me as I stumble and fall along the way. He kindly guides me and brings healing to my heart. In Him, I truly do find rest to my soul.

-Alicia

Characteristics of the Truly Meek

1. Serious disciples are not only urged to do good but also to avoid growing weary of doing good (see Galatians 6:9 and Helaman 10:5).
2. They are not only urged to speak the truth but also to speak the truth in love (see Ephesians 4:15).
3. They are not only urged to endure all things but also to endure them well (see D&C 121:8).
4. They are not only urged to be devoted to God’s cause but also to be prepared to sacrifice all things, giving, if necessary, the last full measure of devotion (see Lectures on Faith 6:7).
5. They are not only to do many things of worth but are also to focus on the weightier matters, the things of most worth (see Matthew 23:23).
6. They are not only urged to forgive but also to forgive seventy times seven (see Matthew 18:21–22).
7. They are not only to be engaged in good causes, but also they are to be “anxiously engaged” (see D&C 58:27).
8. They are not only to do right but also to do right for the right reasons.
9. They are told to get on the strait and narrow path, but then are told that this is only the beginning, not the end (see 2 Nephi 31:19–20).
10. They are not only to endure enemies but also to pray for them and to love them (see Matthew 5:44).
11. They are urged not only to worship God but, astoundingly, they are instructed to strive to become like him! (See Matthew 5:48; 3 Nephi 12:48, 27:27.)
12. In the midst of all these things,” they are given a Sabbath day for rest, during which they do the sweetest but often the hardest work of all.
13. The meek individual may not, to be sure, always fully decipher what is happening to him or around him. However, even though he does not “know the meaning of all things,” he knows that the Lord loves him (see 1 Nephi 11:17).
14. He may feel overwhelmed, but, unlike the proud, he is not out of control. In fact, in some moments it is important for us to “Be still, and know that [he is] God” (Psalms 46:10). Even articulate discipleship has its side of silent certitude!
15. True meekness has a metabolism that actually requires very little praise or recognition.
16. The greater his knowledge, the greater his meekness. The more he strives to become like Jesus and the more he wishes to declare his gospel, the more he rejoices exceedingly when Christ’s message is heeded. - Elder Neal A. Maxwell - BYU Oct. 21, 1986 - Meek and Lowly