Humility, Obedience, Virtue

We had a really great Region Conference this last Sunday. Elder Gary Stevenson spoke on three Christ-like attributes to practice every day: Humility, Obedience, and Virtue. I love how he defined virtue - that our private actions and conversations are in line with what we profess to believe in public in our churches.

I found his same HOV pattern in my scriptures this week where Alma counsels us, "to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.... learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God. Yea cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever." - Alma 37:34-36

I absolutely love it when I hear counsel from modern day prophets and apostles and soon after find something in my scripture study that coincides perfectly with what they just said. It happens all the time!

Just thinking about verse 36 of Alma where he admonishes that all our thoughts and affections be directed to the Lord, reminded me of this cool song, "I Point to You".
Enjoy!!

-Alicia


"I Point To You"
by, We Are Messengers

How can I forgive when I can't forgive myself
How can I move on when all I have is regrets
How can I fix you when I keep turning away
How can I make it past the noise with my shame

I need a miracle
Some healing for my heart
I need a revelation
A brand new start
I want simplicity
Where I can rest
But I need a miracle to put my past to death

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You

I want so badly just to finally get well
But I don't want a quick fix and emotional sell
I will be honest with my humanity
No I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be

I need a miracle
Some healing for my heart
I need a revelation
A brand new start
I want simplicity
Where I can rest
But I need a miracle to put my past to death

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You

People say that I've lost myself
I'll say I'm found in You
People ask where does my story end
I'll say it starts with You

I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
I know You want my heart
My bruises and my scars
I'm coming as I am
The only way I can
I can't forget from where I've come
And what my heart's been rescued from
Yeah when they ask me who
I owe my whole life to
I point to You
I point to You
I point to You
I point to You

Trust

I love these two verses in Alma 36.

"I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions and shall be lifted up at the last day.... I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me... yea, and I do put my trust in Him, and He will still deliver me." 

- Alma 36: 3 & 27

I can testify just the same as Alma did. I know that God loves us, that He is real! I know that if we put our trust in Him, there is nothing we can't make it through. He will guide our path all along the way.

- Alicia

Nourishing to be Nourished

I'm studying nutrition at BYU this semester and I just happen to be finishing up Alma 32 in my personal scripture study. I love the last two verses:

"Because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you." - Alma 32:42-43

In the context of physical nutrition, I've been reading about ancient whole grains and the health benefits that we experience when they are a part of our every-day diet.  It's interesting how physical AND spiritual grains nourish us, like the word of God. Both physical and spiritual grains are best in their purest form and work in a cycle dependent on the time, attention, and priority we give them. 

Staying physically and spiritually nourished requires all our diligence, faith, patience, and hard work. The reward is - sustainability and quality of life.

I hear of members who far too often say that they just don't have time for the scriptures every day. Even prayer seems to be too much of a burden. Yet, these two things - prayer and scripture (ancient and modern) - are absolutely vital to our spiritual health. We must MAKE TIME for them! This is water and soil, sunlight and air! We can't just set them aside and expect the garden of our life to grow properly. First things first: Prayer and study - nourishing the word so it can grow, bear fruit, and nourish us is a DAILY, process to "reap the rewards of [our]faith." 

-Alicia

Repulsive Rameumptoms

What is a Rameumptom?

It's a stand or tower where the Zoramites gave their rote prayers saying how grateful they were that they were better than everyone else. When Alma and Amulek viewed the scene of such wickedness and arrogance, they were filled with sorrow.

Alma described that the Zoramites "were a wicked and a perverse people... their hearts were set upon gold, and upon silver, and upon all manner of fine goods...their hearts were lifted up unto great boasting, in their pride... they cry unto [God], and yet their hearts are swallowed up in their pride. ... they cry unto [God] with their mouths, while they are puffed up even to greatness, with the vain things of the world." - Alma 31:24,25,27

This kind of pride is so tragic, so tragic that when Alma witnesses it he cries out with his own prayer, "O Lord, wilt thou suffer that thy servants shall dwell here below in the flesh, to behold such gross wickedness among the children of men?"  - Alma 31:26

When I read these things, I can't help wonder what the Rameumptoms of today might look like. I don't think they would be physical towers. But what other means could we use to rise above the crowd and boast? How are we channeling attention to ourselves and away from the Lord?

After reading Alma 31 and  Proverbs 16:18-19 this morning, I found a quote from a lead pastor that says, "Pride is that ugly part of your heart that causes you to be more concerned about yourself and your own reputation than you are about Christ and his." - Sam Storms (Christian Living - May 6, 2015 - How Pride Poisons the Soul)

Interesting how this pastor describes arrogance as "that ugly part" and Alma describes it as "gross". Perfect descriptions, I think!

Now, Alma's mission wasn't completely full of gross and depressing scenes of wickedness. He also met those who were repentant, who "took no thought for themselves" who had great faith and focus on Christ, so much in fact that in every affliction they were, "swallowed up in the joy of Christ". (Alma 31:37-38)

It must have been a breath of fresh air for Alma to meet those who had been humbled. In fact, I know it made him very happy because in Alma 32:6 it says it says he beheld them "with great joy".

 From my own experiences, I can see a world of difference, night and day difference, when I meet people who "take no thought of themselves" who are truly and sincerely focused on the Savior. They are the ones that shine to me, and they don't even know it.  They have discovered where real, lasting beauty resides.

Wow, what a contrast!

Steady as she goes!

This last week of summer vacation, our family is going to spend a couple days hiking, camping, kayaking and rafting with the Nimer family. This is our last push for making fun memories before all our schedules go crazy after school starts.

Provo's district starts on the 15th this month.  I'll have two kids in high school now! (Well... part-time high school). Chanlder and  Miriam really like the idea of being homeschooled with their core classes and taking their extracurricular on campus. So, every-other-day I still get to have all my kids home. :)

I start school up again at BYU on the 5th of September. I'm taking a nutrition and wellness class that's twice a week, early in the morning. I'm keeping my schedule light because of foster care. I just never know when we're going to get "bonus kids" or how long they will stay.  There's always a bit of necessary adjusting after the first few days and nights of a new placement.

Every new school year, I feel like I'm jumping in to a big ocean of unknowns and changes. Every year is so different from the last. Challenges will present themselves through trying to balance the kid's school, my school, Joseph's work, Chandler's new job, foster care, and my church calling.  I read this quote this morning and think it's a good reminder amid all the scheduling:

It can be tricky trying to take things slowly in our daily hectic schedules. But remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? "Slow and steady wins the race." Speaking of "steady," I read a verse in Helaman 15:8 today that talks about freedom resulting from being "firm and steadfast in the faith". 

President Uchdorf put it another way, "If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."

The pressures of daily living, raising a family, work, school, service in the community and church, can feel like tumultuous ocean waves beating upon us. There's a old nautical phrase the sailors say, "steady as she goes." Steady. Steadfast. Keep the course of what matters most.

Basically, as long as I make sure to always slow down enough to make time for my daily spiritual nourishment and the daily spiritual nourishment of my family, I can feel peace in the middle of a storm.

President Ezra Taft Benson testified that, "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."

-Alicia

Pour Out Your Soul and Have Faith

When Helaman's army was struggling in battle, there's a couple of verses that are reminiscent of my own struggles and my own battles in my life. It's almost as if I could write these very same words!

"[I]did pour out [my] soul in prayer to God, that He would strengthen [me]..."
"And it came to pass the Lord our God did visit [me] with assurances that He would deliver [me]; yea, inosomuch that He did speak peace to [my] soul, and did grant unto [me] great faith, and did cause [me] that [I] should hope for our deliverance in Him. And [I] did take courage..."
- Alma 58:10-12

For me the "deliverance" doesn't always mean my particular trial or struggle has been removed from my life but more so I am strengthened beyond my natural capacity to handle it... peace and hope enter my heart, and the Spirit of God blesses me to take courage, to get up, to march forth in my battles knowing the Savior is leading the way.

-Alicia

To the Rescue

All Micah wanted for his 12th birthday was a hamster. He was bursting with excitement the day he finally got his long anticipated furry companion.  He named her Muffin and went to great lengths making sure she had the best home ever staying up until midnight rearranging the tubes in her cage.

Saturday night, Micah accidentally left a section of the cage open and Muffin escaped. My heart broke for Micah, he was completely devastated. The entire family pulled together and knelt in prayer that we would find her safe.

Miriam and Kaylee searched every corner of their bedroom and we searched ours. We looked in every possible place in Micah's room and all around upstairs. It didn't seem like she could have gone far.

I glanced at the old heater vent in the girls room that was missing a few slats just big enough for a rodent to fit through. "Dang it!" I thought. "I bet you anything that's exactly where she went." I was right.

We figured that since the house is so old, with all the gaps, lathe and plaster, she could have wiggled her way easily through the upstairs walls and floorboards. I used a flashlight and a mirror trying to see down the shaft but I couldn't see a thing! I tried to lure Muffin out with peanut butter and was prepared to camp out on the floor by the heater vent all night long and wait for her return. I felt so bad for Micah.

Moments later, Kaylee had the impression to search the furnace room downstairs. Sure enough, we heard scratching in the main shaft. My husband examined where we might open a panel and found a strip that had a few screws above the area where muffin was trapped.
Joseph asked for Chandler to bring his Stanley drill from the mud room.
We all waited anxiously.
Chandler came back with the drill and handed it to Joseph, "By the way dad, Dewalt is offended."
"What?" Joseph asked.
Chandler repeated himself as he pointed to the drill, "Dewalt is offended.  His name's not Stanley."
We both busted up laughing, grateful for Chandler's help and sense of humor.

Joseph undid all the screws but the panel wouldn't budge.  We ended up having to cut up the edge of the furnace shaft and bend it out of shape so we could fit our arms down. Any damage done to our furnace was well worth it though!  You should have seen the look on Micah's face when we placed the frightened (but safe) hamster back into his hands.

It may seem like such a small thing but I was so grateful for this little adventure, grateful for prayer, and how it brought our family together.

-Alicia

The Pathway to Peace

These past twelve months have been some of the hardest months of my entire life. Our family has gone through some dramatic and painful changes. In reflection of all that has happened, I keep asking myself what there is to learn from it all. What is the Lord trying to teach me? What is He trying to teach us?

I keep thinking of the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

the courage to change the things I can, 

and the wisdom to know the difference." 

Oh, how I pray through all the struggle, "Please help me to learn wisdom!!"

It's funny, but I almost forgot.

As I typed this serenity prayer, a memory flashed into my mind.
When Joseph and I were engaged, a week or two before our wedding date, he became terribly paralyzed with fear, almost to the point of calling the wedding off. I remember him saying, "I promise, It's not you, it's me. I'm afraid I will fail as a husband and father. I'm afraid I won't be able to endure when things get tough." 

I think we all face similar fears throughout our lives. Turn on the news or take a walk down the street, and you'll see some of the best marriages and families falling apart right before your eyes.  No one wants to become another statistic.

As a response to my husband's engagement jitters, I bought him this serenity prayer etched in glass. It looked a little something like the one I've posted here -- the only difference is the one I gave him was rectangle and also had a rose at the bottom. 

He warned me before we married that he suffered greatly with depression. I told him not to worry because four of my six family members had severe depression and not much could phase me: My mom was hospitalized for at least a month or so more than three times for her bipolar. And my dad, brother, and sister had all attempted suicide and had been hospitalized for that. I assured Joseph then from my family experiences that I was quite familiar with depression.

I don't know if that consoled him or not. Ha! It probably frightened him even more thinking about the genes we'd pass on to our children.  I'm just grateful that our kids so far seem to be doing great and despite my husband's depression through all these years, Joseph has never needed to be admitted to a facility like my mom, dad, or siblings. Of course, he's had his rough moments but who doesn't? He's doing far better than the members of my family did. I think he's done quite alright!

It's interesting though, I look back on how our marriage has unfolded together, all that we've been through, and the little gift I bought when he was feeling so low-- I realize that prayer was more for me than it was for him. All these years, through every hardship we have faced, every struggle, this prayer has come into my mind. 

And guess what? Today, after all these years, I discovered that there is more to the prayer. Can you believe it? All this time and I'm only now finding this out. I love this second half. It's absolutely beautiful! This is the prayer in its entirety:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

enjoying one moment at a time; 

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will; 

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next. 

Amen.

- Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

I like that line, "accepting hardships as the pathway to peace... trusting that He [God] will make all things right". So many of us often fear tribulation because in the moment it feels like it's going to take us down, like it's going to crush us - but there is another side to it we often don't see. 

Napoleon Hill once said, "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." That's the vision we want to capture when we come face to face with life's struggles. Wisdom, character, and beauty are forged in the furnace of affliction. Therefore, "Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course." -William Shakespeare

-Alicia

Grateful

I don't have much to write today.  I'm just grateful for the Gospel in my life: for the scriptures, for prayer, for living prophets, for my Savior, for the Atonement. I'm grateful for the peace that comes from hanging on to principles of truth. And there is a wellspring of truth overflowing in this Gospel.
-Alicia

Grateful

by, Paul Cardall

Action Items

“I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns. I find myself loving more intensely those whom I must love with all my heart and mind and strength, and loving them more, I find it easier to abide their counsel.” 

- Spencer W. Kimball

Reflecting on  General Conference today and yesterday, this is a quote that keeps coming to my mind.  It seemed that most of the talks were centered on or frequently mentioned the importance of daily personal scripture study.

My husband has always been a great example to me of one who diligently studies the scriptures.  Lately, he's been taking to heart Elder Nelson's counsel to study scriptures focused on Jesus Christ daily.  As a result, he's been listening to the four gospels at work every day for the past several weeks.

I feel like I really could use some improvement in my personal prayers and scripture study, Though I don't think my problem is being casual. Scripture study and prayer are just part of my regular daily routine.  But I feel as if I've been more blank, less feeling, with little to no absorption in my study lately,  I've had more days than usual where I've felt depressed too so maybe that's part of it.  I don't feel like I'm the same person I was six months ago.  I feel like my experiences being a foster mom have been like a bomb dropped on me and I'm still reeling from the shock.

There's so much I need to improve on.  Foster care is extremely humbling.  Speaking of foster care... Another thing that stood out to me in conference today was when S. Mark Palmer said, "those who are the hardest to love are the ones who need love the most." This is my earnest prayer: to love when I don't feel like loving, to give when I don't feel like giving, to sacrifice when I have nothing left in me to sacrifice.

I'm so grateful for a wonderful conference weekend. And I'm grateful for every new day to keep trying and keep practicing. God is good.

-Alicia

Good Days

These past couple of days have been good. My husband and I have felt strengthened by the hand of the Lord.  Prayer is amazing! We have felt greater compassion, greater patience, and greater peace.

I certainly have not felt worthy of these blessings that have rested upon us but I'm incredibly grateful for them.  I have been humbled by this calling to be a foster mom. It has certainly made me more aware of my weaknesses--and wow, what a delicate balance, to allow this awareness to remain in my mind but not allow discouragement! 

When I've been at my breaking point, I've been blessed with new ideas to handle conflict and the ability to praise the slightest hint of good behavior.

I'm grateful that I have a God in heaven who hears my prayers, both the spoken and unspoken. I'll take whatever good days that come--They give me hope for tomorrow.

-Alicia

A Little Encouragement

I have prayed all this week for the Lord to bless me with a calm spirit, to not feel overwhelmed, and to be able to take all the adjustments and anxieties that come with being a foster mom moment by moment.  I really feel like that my prayer has been answered; because this week has only gotten crazier and busier than when it first started out...  But I feel like I've been okay.

My foster son's behavior and habits still remain extremely difficult--making it hard for me to have feelings of compassion, bonding or patience--yet, the Lord has blessed me to stay calm through it all. In the last 48 hours, I took the foster children to their therapist, had a visit with their social worker, did a team meeting with the children's attorney, and went to my foster son's parent-teacher conference.  None of these things overwhelmed me, in fact I felt encouraged by them; because each of the people I met with, said they can already see significant progress with the children after one week. Knowing this makes it worth it.

-Alicia

Miriam made this the other day in Young Women's .
I love this quote! Nice choice, Miriam. Very nice choice!

Consecrate Thy Performance - Ponderize - Week 57

“There may be things in our character, in our behavior, or concerning our spiritual growth about which we need to counsel with Heavenly Father in morning prayer. …
“During the course of the day, we keep a prayer in our heart for continued assistance and guidance...
“We notice during this particular day that there are occasions where normally we would have a tendency to speak harshly, and we do not; or we might be inclined to anger, but we are not. We discern heavenly help and strength and humbly recognize answers to our prayer. Even in that moment of recognition, we offer a silent prayer of gratitude” (Bednar, David A., “Pray Always,” Ensign, Nov. 2008, 41–42).

But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul. 

- 2 Nephi 32:9

Tender Mercies

There has been plenty of things to attend to as we've adjusted to this move.  Our schedules have been full of errands and projects.  We've lived in an apartment for so long that we've had to start from scratch with lots of the typical things, like yard supplies and maintenance tools.  Home Depot is destined to become our new hang-out place.

Yesterday, there was so much to be done.  I wasn't quite sure how I'd find time to write my paper for my rhetoric class but I was blessed to have it come together much more rapidly than I expected. I have a very strict no-homework policy on Sundays, so anything due on Monday is something I need to get  done by Saturday night at the latest.  I ended up completing everything for school Friday afternoon which left me plenty of time to just bear down and work on several of our most urgent needs.

We pounded through all our work and were able to enjoy some fun time watching BYU football's homecoming game Friday night and the homecoming parade this morning.

When we arrived back at the house, Joseph and I spent several more hours getting our place in order.  Joseph's sister donated her old broken lawn mower to add to our sparse yard tool collection. We gratefully accepted it with the hopes that we could figure out how to get it up and running again. With all the other repairs we've had to pay for, we didn't want to take the mower to a shop.  After all, how hard can it be to fix a tiny little engine like that?  I cleaned out all the cobwebs and crusted grass that had hardened to the body of the machine.  I changed the oil, the air filter, the spark plug, and cleaned out the carburetor.  It was my first lawn mower repair ever and I did it!! It starts and runs perfectly every time!  I felt very proud and very blessed.  I know it was a complete tender mercy that I was able to do that.

I was also able to locate what was leaking in our van and patch up the hose.  (I'm so grateful that when I was growing up, my brothers taught me not to be afraid of a few simple mechanical jobs.)

These are just a some of many blessings these past few days.  And I don't believe they have been coincidences.  I know that God grants us with wisdom and ideas, ability and strength, often in very unexpected areas but always at just the right moment.

-Alicia

"The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits “his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men (D&C 46:15).

I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." - Elder David A. Bednar

A Compass to Point the Way

I have some personal decision-making questions I'm taking with me to Conference today and tomorrow. If you have questions regarding the direction of your life too, I encourage you to listen in wherever you are. God is good and He answers everyone who sincerely desires His guidance. I know this!

I read the following scripture in my studies this morning, I think it fits perfectly for the weekend. :)

-- "I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm." (1 Nephi 18:21) 

 Listen to the live broadcast.

-Alicia

"Why is it that ye are so fearful?"

It has been almost a week now since our van has been in the repair shop.  Finally, they think they have diagnosed the problem; another circuit module issue that transmits the wrong messages and causes engine failure. It will cost us over $1,600 to replace this module just to see if they have truly pegged the culprit.  The Chevy dealer informed me their factory records indicate our van was brought into his shop on two other occasions; First, when Via Motors realized they had a failed "science experiment" on their hands and took it in at 3,000 miles due to a messed up computer system... And second, when Dastrup Auto brought it in at 6,000 miles due to a different short-circuit module.

...And here we are bringing it back at 9,000.

...Now when we do the math, it seems if we continue with this vehicle, we will have nothing but nightmares every 3,000 miles. We just can't get over why NONE of this was on the CarFax, not a trace!

My husband has begun to ask some of the same questions I was asking last Saturday: "Why didn't the Spirit warn us?  Why did we feel fine about everything when we made the purchase?"

Last night, Joseph couldn't contain his frustration as he shouted, "I'm not so sure I even understand what the purpose of praying about anything does anymore, especially when we can't even recognize the answers! Why do we keep being led into situations like this?! Maybe we haven't been led at all?"

I understood his feelings but there was nothing I could say to console him.  He continued,

"Alicia, what if we move into this house and find out that we are in way over our heads?! What if we have emergency repairs crop up like these cars but only a hundred times worse?! What do we do then? We can't do anything because we're bound into these contracts!  Do you realize we're stuck!! Absolutely stuck!! And don't tell me to 'keep the faith', I'm tired of hearing that it will all work out because it's not! Nothing is working out!  This is a huge mess and faith hasn't gotten us anywhere!!"

I didn't know what to say to him.  I was completely at a loss of words. I get what he's saying, I totally get where he's coming from. I don't know what to do either. We are expected to close on our house in two weeks. What are we doing?!! This is crazy!!

Somehow, I still really feel like we're going to be okay (aside from the ulcers I think I'm developing.  I can't pretend that these past few months haven't been horribly uncomfortable and terribly strenuous).

I've been reading in the first chapter of Nephi again and I suppose with Lehi's journey, they could've had some similar doubts about the directions they were given:

• If the brass plates were so important and if Lehi was so inspired, why didn't the Lord command Lehi's family to get them before they left Jerusalem? Why did they have to travel all the way out of the city for miles and then backtrack? Isn't that wasted time and energy?

• If Nephi was such a spiritual guy, why did he have the idea to give all their family's gold and silver to negotiate the trade with Laban only to have that attempt completely backfire and lose all their money? Doesn't it seems like a completely pointless loss?

I don't know the answers to these questions anymore than I know the answers to our current situation. I just know that the Lord won't let us fail.  And in the words of Nephi, "I know that He shall prepare a way for [us] to accomplish the things He has commanded us", the things that matter most.

And what matters most at this point?

It matters that we keep praying, keep moving, keep believing, keep focusing on and recognizing the blessings and the good that is happening through all of this.  I honestly don't think the Lord is so extremely concerned with what, in life, happens to us - Instead, I believe God is far more interested in how we choose to happen to life.  It's so important that no matter the circumstances, no matter the difficulties, we choose to remain faithful to God, "at all times, in all things, and in all places, even unto death." (Mosiah 18:9)

I read a talk by Elder L. Whitney Clayton from 2001, that corresponded with my scripture study this morning and I greatly appreciated this testimony:

All of us have come face-to-face with difficult, even desperate hours, when with tears we have fallen on our knees and pled as did this father, ‘Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.’

Just as the Savior stood ready to help this father whose son was “sore vexed,” (Matt. 17:15) so is He ready to help our unbelief today so that with faith we can survive our mortal struggles and “come off conqueror.” (D&C 10:5)

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel and is more than mere belief.  Faith is a “hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” “Faith always moves its possessor to … physical and mental action.”  “To have faith in Jesus Christ means to have such trust in him that we obey whatever he commands. There is no faith where there is no obedience.”

[See  A of F 1:4 Bible Dictionary, “Faith,” 669–70.] ( Alma 32:21 see also  Heb. 11:1  Ether 12:6) [Bible Dictionary, 670.] [Gospel Principles (1997), 118.]

Amidst all these storms and turmoil, we have had miraculous blessings and this past week we’ve started a family ritual to go around taking turns mentioning something about the day that was a tender mercy. These are some that have been mentioned:

1. Vick's generosity and help at the Laundromat last Saturday
2. The guy who did our home inspection decided for no apparent reason to charge us $100 LESS than he usually charges.
3. My friend, Jenn Peterson, helped drive my kids around all day Tues.
4. My friend, Suzanne, let me borrow her car yesterday afternoon so I could get some groceries and get my kids to their music lessons and orthodontist appointments.
5. Right when I was returning Suzanne’s car, my friend, Doyle, called to tell me that he and his wife were leaving on a two-week trip and said we could use their Mitsubishi while they were away.

None of these tender mercies were things we asked for but were freely offered. THIS is what faith is doing for us!!  THIS is what prayers are doing for us!  This is WHY I believe things are going to be alright. The Lord has said so clear, “Alicia, if I want bread, I can get bread. If I want fish, I can get fish.” I believe Him. As hard as all of this is and as hard as it may be, I know we are going to be okay

... and for the times when I'm not so strong and fear pulls me down beneath the tumultuous waves, I pray, 'Lord, help thou my unbelief!'

-Alicia

"Why is it that ye are so fearful?"

My husband sent me this really great message while he was at work this afternoon. It made me cry. (good tears of course, very good tears)

Hey,

I had a g+ notification this morning from a post by Pres. Uchtdorf.  I think I felt the power of what he was saying and I am choosing to believe this words and trust in them.  I just wanted to share it as we move forward.  I still don't know where the end of this road is, but I believe choosing faith in this situation will get us much further than choosing fear and doubt.  Here is what he said:

"The Lord knows you. He knows your heart and is pleased with your sacrifice. He smiles upon you each day. He will uphold you and prepare the way for you. He will send His angels before you. You will feel their presence. And with the help of heaven, your talents will be multiplied.

I promise you that as you lift those around you, the Lord God, the Creator of the universe, will lift you up. If you will only believe and incline your heart to our Beloved Father, He will place within you a peace that surpasses understanding. He will give you joy. May each of you always remember this."

"Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee!  E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me."  

If we draw nearer to God in this, no cost will be too much.  We get to choose faith and it is a privilege that we can choose faith in a situation like this.  My hope and prayer in all of this is that this cross will raise us up to Him.  

Be patient with me as I work through my pride as it manifests itself in anger, frustration and doubts and fears.

I love you... but I love the Lord more ;)  But I know my love of the Lord will only increase my love for you.  I hope to be able to grow in that more.  I know it doesn't always show up that way.


Just some thoughts.
Joseph

Qualities That Qualified

I'm reading the Book of Mormon slowly from the beginning so I can, go into greater depth, lay things out, and find more patterns.  This morning, I noticed qualities that qualified Nephi to receive from God the answers to the questions he was seeking:

1. Nephi did NOT think his father's visions were foolish imaginations.
2. Nephi did NOT murmur or complain about leaving everything behind, he trusted that God was leading them.
3. Nephi believed that even the strongest cities can fall and their hometown was no exception. (1 Nephi 2:11-13 & 16)
4. He had "great desires to know the mysteries of God" so he took these desires to the Lord in prayer.
5. He received a witness through the power of "the Holy Spirit" that his father's visions weren't crazy, that he indeed was inspired by the Lord, and bore testimony immediately of this to his brothers.
6. Nephi had incredible faith.
7. He relied on God for spiritual answers to his spiritual problems NOT the intellect or "wisdom of the world". Instead he "sought [the Lord] diligently with lowliness of heart."  (I looked up the word lowliness in the 1828 dictionary and I love the description: "Freedom from pride"as if to illustrate the chains of bondage, the slavery that pride really is!)(1 Nephi 2:17)
8. He obeyed every command of God without whining or complaining because he knew and trusted in the character, the faithfulness, love, wisdom, and power of his Father in Heaven.
9. He didn't let fear of man or things that seemed impossible stop him. He knew God was stronger.(1 Nephi 3:7, 14 &15)
10. Unlike the popular majority, Nephi took the prophet's counsel seriously. (1 Nephi 3:18)
11. His priorities were straight and he clearly understood what truly mattered most. He knew the scriptures and records of those who had gone before were far more precious than any amount of money could ever buy. Even when he was mocked and beaten for this belief. (1 Nephi 3:19,20 & 28,29)

Some things I'll be thinking about today...

More thoughts to come in my journey to study this awesome book again.

-Alicia

Request a free copy of the Book of Mormon.

Major Tom, your circuits dead, there's something wrong.

Our "new" van broke down Friday night due to the transmission jolting and revving.  It caught us totally off guard. I tested it again in the morning and sure enough, the same problem. I had to call and have it towed.  The factory warranty we were led to believe it was under is actually null and void because of an undisclosed original owner/company, Via Motors, that removed the engine and replaced it with their own parts. It's like some kind of eerie mad Scientist experiment where the Dr. takes out the brain of a patient and puts in a different one just to see how they function. When we bought it, we knew nothing about Via Motors and it was never disclosed on the car facts. We understood the engine had all brand-new parts but we were told they were GM and the power train was covered for one more year. Learning otherwise yesterday made me sick to my stomach.  This is the last thing we needed!

Since I am out a vehicle for a while, I had to have my friend, Suzanne, give me a lift to the laundromat so I could take care of the wash. She could only drop me off yesterday because all her kids had soccer games they had to be to.  I told her not to worry about picking me up and that somehow I'd find a ride home.  I brought some food and my homework with me.  In between my reading assignments I made phone calls back and forth to the company that we bought our van through and the Chevy dealer's repair shop.  The place who sold it to us was horrified with the information I gave them and denied having any knowledge about Via Motors.

All the detective work between the dealer and the factory was very frustrating.  I needed a breather.  After changing the clothes from the washers to the dryers, I walked around to the side of the building and slumped down in the shade of a tree.  I began listening to Richard G. Scott's talk from 1995 "Trust in the Lord." My 80-yr-old friend, Vic, came outside and discovered me sitting there.  (Vic is the owner of The Wash Hut Laundromat I've been going to for these past eight years.  He's a very nice man, is always asking how I'm doing and bringing the children treats.)

I tried to put a smile on my face but couldn't suppress feeling so stupid and completely humiliated for buying another lemon, especially at this time where we're going to have to scrape and save all we can to make our mortgage each month.  I was overwhelmed with doubts of my ability to be inspired and questioned myself:  "Was there a prompting I missed somehow that tried to warn me about this van?  How many other times have I felt as if I was going in the right direction only to discover a dead end? What's wrong with me? Why is this happening?"

"How ya doin' kid?" Vic's voice interrupted my self-defeating thoughts. I looked up and answered with a tired, "Hey there."
 Sensing something wasn't right he asked, "What brings you over to this side of the building?"
"I'm just trying to gather my thoughts," I replied.
"Oh??" Vic said with an imploring tone and crossed his arms to comfortably listen.
"You won't believe it... but remember how our two cars broke down a couple months ago and we got that new van?? Well, now this new one is having some serious issues... right at the time we're getting ready to move into a house and take on a mortgage too.  Even this dang phone, our only phone is literally falling to pieces (I held it up with its shattered screen in the air)... and so is our computer at home.  It's like everything is deciding to break right now -  right when everything is being removed from under us."
I took in a deep breath and heaved a heavy sigh.
"Aw, kid, I'm so sorry!" Vic replied with deep sympathy.
Despite my effort to hold back my tears, they began to stream down my face. I tried to wipe them quickly away and be strong. Vic rushed inside, grabbed me some Kleenex and a drink, and handed them to me as I continued:
"I just wish I knew what was going on.  Is the Lord trying to tell me something?  Is there something I need to change? I don't even have time to deal with all of this. I have a five-page paper due on Monday and I can't think, I can't focus at all.  I'm trying to be optimistic.  I'm trying to hear the Lord's voice in all of this.  I don't know what to do."
Vic placed his hand lovingly on my head, "Oh, this is awful, kid. I'm so very sorry." He stood there searching for more words to say,  "I wish there was something I could do.  I wish I could write your paper for you.  I wish I could fix your van, fix everything that's wrong.  I just wish I could make everything better."
"I know you do, Vic. You are very sweet." I assured him that his kindness to listen was more than enough and I appreciated him expressing so much concern. "I know everything will be alright.  I just need to trust that." I pointed to the talk I had on my phone by Richard G. Scott, "I just need to trust this."
"Well, let me know what you need from me." Vic insisted and returned into the building with a friendly wave.
I thanked him again and put my headphones back in to continue listening to Elder Scott's talk. I had to finish my work, I just couldn't afford to waste any more time.  I gathered my stuff and walked back into the Wash Hut so I could begin folding clothes from the dryers. Elder Scott concluded his talk with this testimony:

"I know the principles that we have discussed are true. They have been tested in the crucible of personal experience. [his own crucible of personal experience] To recognize the hand of the Lord in your life and to accept His will without complaint is a beginning. That decision does not immediately eliminate the struggles that will come for your growth. But I witness that it is the best way there is for you to find strength and understanding. It will free you from the dead ends of your own reasoning. It will allow your life to become a productive, meaningful experience, when otherwise you may not know how to go on (see D&C 24:8)."

The counsel, "recognize the hand of the Lord in your life" hit me as the key to the peace I was needing in that moment.  I began listing to myself all the blessings I had seen in the past several hours:
"I'm grateful my friend, Suzanne, was there for me to drive me to the laundromat.
I'm grateful I have some quiet time to study.
I'm grateful my arms and legs work so that I can stand here and easily fold these clothes.
I'm grateful I my health is good and I can enjoy the beauty of this day.
I'm grateful that I have perfect hearing and that I have this blessing of technology to listen to this talk from an apostle of the Lord as I work."

Focusing on the blessings really helped me and I felt so much better, much more calm.

Vick came over to visit again.
"How are you planning on getting all this stuff home?"
"I was going to call a friend and see if someone might be available to take me back."
"Me! Call me!" Vick offered.
"Okay, thank you," I said graciously.
He hastily brought his car around to the front of the building, backed it up, and opened the trunk. "Here you go. Just let me know when you are ready to leave."

I mentally added one more thing to be grateful for on my list. And started Elder Scott's talk over again for the third time.

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.

When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive the maximum help from your loving Father.

The laundry was ready and loaded into the trunk of Vic's car.  He came out with a bag full of treats from the vending machine. "For your children." He smiled, stuffing the bag between the folded towels.  He drove me home and helped me carry the baskets up to my apartment.  I thanked him again for all his kindness and generosity.  He hugged me, kissed me on the head, and drove away with a wave, "I love you, kid."

I pulled out the bag of treats Vic had stuffed into the laundry and began to divide the candy among the children.  At the bottom of a bag was an envelope with $100.  "Ah, Vic, you didn't need to do that!" I said out loud as if he were still there.  I rebuked myself for complaining so openly. I didn't want him to give me money! I didn't want anyone to!!  Nevertheless, it was another blessing and I thanked my God for it. I remembered the verse I had been pondering over this past week. "For I know the plans I have for you..."

"When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow." - Richard G. Scott

I want to grow.
I trust the Lord.
-Alicia

May God's Love Be With You!

A week ago, we finished our Book of Mormon reading as a ward family.  For our final activity, we all wrote our testimonies on "gold" plates and buried them in our Bishop's backyard. They will fit nicely there with King Benjamin's tower, the buried weapons of war, and the Jaredite barge [aka: his carriage house]. Words can't express how much I'll miss these adventures we've had in this place.

Leading up to that final event last week, I studied what it meant to "lay hold upon every good thing" (Moroni 7:19).  I searched the definition and discovered "lay hold" means to "seize" as in "seize the day".  Of course, this reminded me of my favorite movie, Mitty, and how Cheryl's influence caused Walter to seize the day.

I've written about it before, the secret to life....  To tell the truth, It's on my mind constantly... so it may come as no surprise that I thought about it again this morning as I studied the New Testament and came across these verses, "Ye are all the children of the light and the children of the day... let us who are of the day, be sober [calm, reasonable, and clear thinking], putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation." (1 Thessalonians 5:5,8)

In this modern age there is warfare of all kinds, not just physical but spiritual and emotional too.  In the midst of  battle, the most vital areas are the chest and head -So, I really like the imagery Paul uses as he instructs us how to protect them.

When I think of Salvation for our helmet, I think of "always remembering Him" [our Savior and His atoning sacrifice for us].  This is vital because we are fallible, we are mortal, we make mistakes, and we're so very far from perfect. The Savior knew we would need hope in life's moments that hit us so painfully with this reality.  Truly, what can bring more hope into our lives than knowing and always remembering that we have a way out of every tangled mess and that He delights to untangle us?!!

The breastplate covers our heart and lungs - the place where cells draw in life-giving air and carry it to our life-giving blood.  The functions of the these organs in our chest give us LIFE, they sustain us. we could not exist without them.  That's why I find it interesting that they are protected by faith and love, the two most powerful forces in the universe!

Henry Drummond put it beautifully when he said, "On the last analysis, then, love is life. Love never faileth and life never faileth so long as there is love."  

Finally, the other words I read that added to this imagery were these, "Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks." (1 Thes. 5:16-18)  

If we could remember these three things today and everyday: Mind, Heart, and Mouth - it will help us "lay hold" and seize the day - to become who we are striving to become. It will preserve us in the heat of battle, always remembering the Savior and His great atoning sacrifice, being motivated and driven by faith and love, constantly praying, constantly communicating with God and striving in all our relationships to speak with more gratitude and offer more thanks when we open our mouth.

I know as we do this we will discover the secret to a very rich, and very abundant life!

We are children of the day!  Aw man, I'm so grateful for all the SUNSHINE that adds a measure of grace to my world!
Keep dancin'
-Alicia

All Planned Out - Ponderize - Week 49

I'm delighted to share what I found in my scriptures this morning and what I'll be pondering on for the week!  Now, the verse I'm sharing is from a very modern translation of the Bible and I know that as members of the church we usually stick to the KJV but I really, really like how this verse comes to life with The Message version:

"This is God’s Word on the subject... I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.
When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.
Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.
I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you—God’s Decree—bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it."

- Jeremiah 29:11-14

I also really like how it sounds in the first couple verses of the NIV version:

 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord,” 

- Jeremiah 29:11-13

I found a little song that seems fitting for the verse too.  I find peace when I remember that God has everything under control.  It will all work out! :)

-Alicia