Missing the Memories

Our City Center Temple has been closed for a short time. So this morning, some good friends and I took the kids to do baptisms at the other Provo Temple where we used to go to every Monday.  It was the first time returning for early morning baptisms there since our new temple has been dedicated.

 This morning caught us a little off guard as a feeling of sadness pressed on our hearts. Chandler said he felt it too. Maybe it was just because it was our first time returning there since our big baptism group would go, and we kept expecting to see old friends... only to be reminded that it's all part of the past now.  It just made us sad because we miss those friends and those memories so deeply.
-Alicia

May God's Love Be With You!

A week ago, we finished our Book of Mormon reading as a ward family.  For our final activity, we all wrote our testimonies on "gold" plates and buried them in our Bishop's backyard. They will fit nicely there with King Benjamin's tower, the buried weapons of war, and the Jaredite barge [aka: his carriage house]. Words can't express how much I'll miss these adventures we've had in this place.

Leading up to that final event last week, I studied what it meant to "lay hold upon every good thing" (Moroni 7:19).  I searched the definition and discovered "lay hold" means to "seize" as in "seize the day".  Of course, this reminded me of my favorite movie, Mitty, and how Cheryl's influence caused Walter to seize the day.

I've written about it before, the secret to life....  To tell the truth, It's on my mind constantly... so it may come as no surprise that I thought about it again this morning as I studied the New Testament and came across these verses, "Ye are all the children of the light and the children of the day... let us who are of the day, be sober [calm, reasonable, and clear thinking], putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation." (1 Thessalonians 5:5,8)

In this modern age there is warfare of all kinds, not just physical but spiritual and emotional too.  In the midst of  battle, the most vital areas are the chest and head -So, I really like the imagery Paul uses as he instructs us how to protect them.

When I think of Salvation for our helmet, I think of "always remembering Him" [our Savior and His atoning sacrifice for us].  This is vital because we are fallible, we are mortal, we make mistakes, and we're so very far from perfect. The Savior knew we would need hope in life's moments that hit us so painfully with this reality.  Truly, what can bring more hope into our lives than knowing and always remembering that we have a way out of every tangled mess and that He delights to untangle us?!!

The breastplate covers our heart and lungs - the place where cells draw in life-giving air and carry it to our life-giving blood.  The functions of the these organs in our chest give us LIFE, they sustain us. we could not exist without them.  That's why I find it interesting that they are protected by faith and love, the two most powerful forces in the universe!

Henry Drummond put it beautifully when he said, "On the last analysis, then, love is life. Love never faileth and life never faileth so long as there is love."  

Finally, the other words I read that added to this imagery were these, "Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks." (1 Thes. 5:16-18)  

If we could remember these three things today and everyday: Mind, Heart, and Mouth - it will help us "lay hold" and seize the day - to become who we are striving to become. It will preserve us in the heat of battle, always remembering the Savior and His great atoning sacrifice, being motivated and driven by faith and love, constantly praying, constantly communicating with God and striving in all our relationships to speak with more gratitude and offer more thanks when we open our mouth.

I know as we do this we will discover the secret to a very rich, and very abundant life!

We are children of the day!  Aw man, I'm so grateful for all the SUNSHINE that adds a measure of grace to my world!
Keep dancin'
-Alicia

"I Am In Your Midst" - Ponderize - Week 48

Like the rushing of a furious wind, rapid changes have been happening all around these past couple of months and I feel as if I'm being swept in a current beyond my control.  When I try to stop, it seems the wrenching force increases and I surrender again, facing the fact that I am bound to a destination I cannot see.

Fall Semester starts for me today.  I contemplated dropping my class because of all the dramatic changes we are going through at this time but I couldn't do it.  I feel very strongly that I need to take at least one class every fall and winter and that by the grace of God I'll make it through no matter the difficulty of my schedule or circumstances.

Here I am again at the crossroads... A distinct and noticeable ache presses on my heart.  All of my belongings are packed and I'm heading out into an unknown future.  In just a few short weeks I'll be living in a new home and a new ward.  Leaving the watchcare of our current bishop is undeniably difficult.  I'm forever grateful for his faith, his prayers, his testimony, his priesthood blessings, his leadership, and for the activities and events he has inspired in this area.  What a vision has taken place!  Our experiences here have been absolutely magical.  They've created a sublime level of unity I've never realized possible in a ward family.  Words cannot adequately express my gratitude for our bishop. One can't leave a place like this without a void being made, a recognizable hole.  The scar tissue will serve as a reminder of how much I miss what was once there.

Something is happening within this  newly-formed Freedom Stake, something miraculous.  There are many who feel it.  We are witnessing Zion being built, a very real and literal Zion.  It may be hard to believe but if one could experience a fraction of what I've tried to describe, they would know without a doubt for themselves that the hand of God is on this people.  As this heavenly gathering takes place, there will also be great dissensions.  I pray our roots will be strong and deep in fertile soil.

These changes taking place are Divinely appointed, of that I'm sure.  We cannot see the future, we are not meant to see it... for our faith must be strengthened, our faith must be fortified, and our faith must be exercised if we are to have it become unshaken. Time will move swiftly and it is essential that our priorities stay in order: Faith and family first.

I am confident that once we move into our new home, we will receive the permanent placements of foster children.  Excitement and fear both prod my mind as I contemplate this prospect.
Excitement: To care for these children who desperately need a family, these refugees who need someone to love them unconditionally and to know that they belong somewhere.
And Fear: For all the dynamics involved in becoming the mother of someone else's children seemingly overnight, to be committed to loving them and caring for them as if they are my own. While at the same time, I must remain ever mindful of my own children and monitor carefully the anxieties and stresses they will inevitably be under living with new siblings complete with habits and mannerisms absolutely foreign to them.

I searched through my scriptures this morning, seeking to find one that I could ponder for the week -from the Psalms of David, to the Acts of the Apostles, to verses in the Book of Mormon, and so on.
I finally settled with this one in Doctrine and Covenants:

"Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you that mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst and ye cannot see me;  But the day soon cometh that ye shall see me, and know that I am; for the veil of darkness shall soon be rent, and he that is not purified shall not abide the day. Wherefore, gird up your loins and be prepared. Behold, the kingdom is yours, and the enemy shall not overcome." 

- D&C 38:7-9

I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.  He is in our midst and I trust this.

-Alicia

The Impossible Dream

I know two songs from the movie though I don't recall ever watching it.  I've never read the book either... even though it has sat on my shelf for years.  When I was a little girl, I remember my mother singing The Impossible Dream and Man of Lamancha.  She'd dance through the kitchen like a cheerful songbird and often get the lyrics messed up... but she sang her heart out anyway.

After reading the book that came in the mail last week, I took interest in the way the author mentions Don Quixote in her last chapter.  It reads as follows:

After [Don Quixote] tells [Aldonza] of his quest - to follow the impossible dream - she pleads, "Once, just once - would you look at me as I really am?"
He gazes into her eyes and answers, "I see beauty.  Purity.  I see the woman each man holds secret within him. Duclinea."

...In his quest to "add some measure of grace to the world" he became alive to new visions, to the vision of one who values all life - Jesus Christ.

Though she fights his vision as being unrealistic, her heart longs for it to be true, and in time the presence of his love, gentleness, and glory transform her life and her very nature.  

His triumph in the quest to "add some measure of grace" comes as he lies upon his deathbed and Aldonza comes to see him.  
She cries for him to regain the quest, "Please!  Try to remember!"
"Is it so important?" he asks.
"Everything.  My whole life.  You spoke to me and everything was different!" she pleads.
As he fades and dies, she is resurrected into a new being and walks away with his quest instilled upon her heart, and thereafter calls herself, Dulcinea [which means -sweet above all that is sweet]."

The part she describes here sounded so familiar to me.
"I know this story" I thought to myself.  " I know it well."
 It's a story of transformation, a story of redemption, a story of what happens to a soul when someone sees them differently, when they are seen by the light of truth, and it awakes them to who they are meant to become no matter how impossible it might seem.

There's no doubt in my mind that God knows and loves us beyond our mortal comprehension.  He answers our prayers.  He has great plans, tailor-made opportunities, and custom-fit challenges to help us grow into who we're meant to be.
...And sometimes He sends angels to help us along our journey.   I will thank God for my angels every single day of my life.  How could I ever forget the measure of grace they added to my world?!  Their quest is my quest now. It is written and instilled deep upon my heart forever.

From Don Quixote

To dream the impossible dream

To fight the unbeatable foe

To bear with unbearable sorrow

And to run where

the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong

And to love pure and chaste from afar

To try when your arms are too weary

To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest

To follow that star

No matter how hopeless

No matter how far

To fight for the right

Without question or pause

To be willing to march,

march into hell

For that heavenly cause

And I know

If I'll only be true

To this glorious quest

That my heart

Will lie peaceful and calm

When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be

better for this

That one man, scorned

and covered with scars,

Still strove with his last

ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable,

the unreachable,

The unreachable star

And I'll always dream

The impossible dream

Yes, and I'll reach

The unreachable star

"It is not that something different is seen, but that one sees differently.

It is as though the spatial act of seeing were changed by a new dimension."

- Carl Jung

Praying for My Friend - Ponderize - Week 11

I believe in the power of prayer.  I believe that every time we approach the Lord with sincerity of heart that He hears us, even those things impressing on our mind that we can't seem to find the words for.  I trust in His great wisdom, and find comfort in the truth that He sees the bigger picture and knows what is best for us in every moment of our lives.  I know that "[I] cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, [He helps me to] be of good cheer, for [He] will lead [me] along." - D&C 78:18

Life is like a marathon that we are not meant to run alone so I believe the Lord places certain people in our lives who give us hope, people whose influence inspires us to keep going, to keep trying.

"Since we are what we are by the impacts of those who surround us, those who surround themselves with the highest will be those who change into the highest.  There are some men and some women in whose company we are always at our best.  While with them we cannot think mean thoughts or speak ungenerous words.  Their mere presence is elevation, purification, sanctity.... Friendship is a spiritual thing.  It is independent of matter, or space or time.  That which I love in my friend is not that which I see.  What influences me in my friend is not his body but his spirit.  He influences me about as much in his absence as in his presence." 
- Henry Drummond

We cheer each other on in our race most often through the channel of prayer. James encourages us, "Pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." - James 5:16

 I was reading a talk this morning from Elder Bednar about prayer.  He said, "Praying earnestly for others, both those whom we love and those who despitefully use us, is also an important element of meaningful prayer. Just as expressing gratitude more often in our prayers enlarges the conduit for revelation, so praying for others with all of the energy of our souls increases our capacity to hear and to heed the voice of the Lord." - Elder David A. Bednar, Pray Always

I trust the words of the Prophet James and Elder Bednar.  I have a friend who shoulders such heavy burdens that I wish with all my heart I could somehow carry it for him. Especially when he is the very friend who brought light back in my life, gave me hope, and helped me through a terribly difficult time.  If he only realized how deeply I pray for him.  I hope he knows that he doesn't always have to be strong.  No matter who we are or what our circumstances may be I think it's to be expected that we will stumble more when the load is heavier and it's possible we might become discouraged by the fact. But do not be dismayed.  President Uchtdorf encouraged the brethren in a recent priesthood session:

"Brethren, there may be times in our lives when rising up and continuing on may seem beyond our own ability. That day on a snow-covered slope, I learned something. Even when we think we cannot rise up, there is still hope. And sometimes we just need someone to look us in the eyes, take our hand, and say, 'You can do it now!'

We may think that women are more likely than men to have feelings of inadequacy and disappointment—that these feelings affect them more than us. I’m not sure that this is true. Men experience feelings of guilt, depression, and failure. We might pretend these feelings don’t bother us, but they do. We can feel so burdened by our failures and shortcomings that we begin to think we will never be able to succeed. We might even assume that because we have fallen before, falling is our destiny. As one writer put it, 'We beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.'

...Brethren, our destiny is not determined by the number of times we stumble but by the number of times we rise up, dust ourselves off, and move forward." -  President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, You Can Do It Now

This morning after my prayers, I opened up my scriptures to a place I already had bookmarked.  My eyes fell upon a couple of verses that I've decided to "ponderize" for week 11.

"My beloved [friend], I rejoice exceedingly that your Lord Jesus Christ hath been mindful of you, and hath called you to his ministry, and to his holy work.  I am mindful of you always in my prayers, continually praying unto God the Father in the name of his Holy Child, Jesus, that he, through his infinite goodness and grace, will keep you through the endurance of faith on his name to the end."- Moroni 8:2,3

-Alicia
"The Purest Love"

No Man Is An Island

by, Tenth Avenue North

I won't run, I will stay

I'm not leaving you

I know there's friction here

The struggle makes us new

I wish you never thought you had to go

Wish you never thought you had to leave

Together we can lift each other up

We can build a shelter for the weak

No man is an island, we can be found

No man is an island, let your guard down

You don't have to fight me, I am for you

We're not meant to live this life alone

I see fear in your eyes

There's no safety here

Oh, my friend, let me in

I will share your tears

I wish you never thought you had to go

I wish you never thought you had to leave

We can always lift each other up

We can build a shelter for the weak, come on

No man is an island, we can be found

No man is an island, let your guard down

Please don't try to fight me, I am for you

We're not meant to live this life alone

Through trouble, rain, or fire

Let's reach out to something higher

Ain't no life outside each other

We are not alone

Through trouble, rain, or fire

Let's reach out to something higher

Eyes open to one another

We are not alone

No man is alone

Why you try to fight me

We don't have to do it alone

We don't have to do it alone

We don't have to do it alone

Recovery

A couple of Sundays ago I brought my 7yr-old daughter's plant with me to church to use as an object lesson in Young Women's.  During sacrament meeting, Kaylee wanted to hold her little plant.  I set it in her lap as she smiled adoringly at her two flower sprouts growing from the seeds she had sown.  As she held it, she accidentally snapped one of the stems.  She began to cry, thinking she killed it.  Sure enough, I looked down and could see the lifeless stem dangling on a hinge.  I gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, "Honey, it's going to be alright.  I don't think it's dead.  Let's just be really gentle, keep taking care of it, and see what happens."  

I must admit that a part of me wasn't so sure it would recover and I was a little surprised when after a few days I noticed it lifting its head back towards the light of the sun.  Honestly, I have never seen a stem come alive again after being snapped like that.  I recalled the words I had whispered into Kaylee's ear, "Let's just be really gentle, keep taking care of it, and see what happens."  I thought of our brothers and sisters who have been broken by sin or addiction and how the right environment can bring them back into full recovery.

In nature, there are archetypes - symbols in our physical world that have existed since the creation, symbols that testify of that which God has ordained.  Earth is an archetype of man, water is an archetype of woman, but there is more... 

The air is an archetype of the Holy Spirit, and the sun is an archetype of Jesus Christ.  

When I saw this little stem curving back up toward the light of the sun, I couldn't help but think of the light of our Savior, the Son of God.  I was thrilled with excitement.  I grabbed the camera and took a picture. 

I thought of the addiction recovery program.  They've just launched some powerful new videos with real stories of people going through each of the 12 steps.  Last night, my husband and I watched these videos together.  I wrapped my arms around my husband as we listened to story after story of people going to their bishop for help.  Joseph sighed gratefully with a tear in his eye, "Those dear bishops, they have to carry so much."  I smiled as I thought of ours - We both love and pray for him.  These men are called of God, they tirelessly watch over and care for their flock.  Through their inspiration and the addiction recovery program, countless souls are saved.  These are messages of hope, kindness, forgiveness, love, and ultimately of recovery through Jesus Christ.  It's a beautiful thing.

-Alicia

(Broken Things to Mend - April 2006 -  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)

one week of recovery

10 days of recovery

2 weeks of recovery

6 weeks of recovery and growing stronger than ever


Come Unto Him 

He came to us; he loved us that much.
There isn’t a soul he’s unwilling to touch;
No life so dark he cannot light;
No sadness, no sorrow he cannot right.
Come unto him.

He came to earth; he lived as a man.
There’s no earthly care he can’t understand;
No earthly pain he did not feel;
No hunger, no heartache he cannot heal.
Come unto him.

He lived like us, acquainted with grief.
To those who believe he offers relief.
He opens eyes; he forgives sin;
For the humble, the faithful, who follow him.
Come unto him.

(Text:  Steven Jones  - Music:  Sam Cardon)