Pour Out Your Soul and Have Faith

When Helaman's army was struggling in battle, there's a couple of verses that are reminiscent of my own struggles and my own battles in my life. It's almost as if I could write these very same words!

"[I]did pour out [my] soul in prayer to God, that He would strengthen [me]..."
"And it came to pass the Lord our God did visit [me] with assurances that He would deliver [me]; yea, inosomuch that He did speak peace to [my] soul, and did grant unto [me] great faith, and did cause [me] that [I] should hope for our deliverance in Him. And [I] did take courage..."
- Alma 58:10-12

For me the "deliverance" doesn't always mean my particular trial or struggle has been removed from my life but more so I am strengthened beyond my natural capacity to handle it... peace and hope enter my heart, and the Spirit of God blesses me to take courage, to get up, to march forth in my battles knowing the Savior is leading the way.

-Alicia

Even If... through the fire

There's a new song out by MercyMe  I wanted to share this evening. My hope in doing so is that it might be encouraging to someone who is consumed by despair from the burning flames of life's fiery furnace.

These verses strike my heart the most, The song is a prayer to God, one I think every Christian has felt at some moment in their life.

"It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone"

This reminds me very much of the wonderful talk given By Dennis E. Simmons thirteen years ago, But If Not, especially the last two paragraphs.

We must have the same faith as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.

"Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not … . He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from threats, accusations, and insecurity, but if not. … He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not, … we will trust in the Lord.

Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not. … He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not. … We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not, … we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has."

 We might not have the answers to some of our experiences right now. Time may reveal it or at least content our souls with not knowing. But one thing is certain - God loves us and will see us through every heartache as we seek Him.

-Alicia

A Compass to Point the Way

I have some personal decision-making questions I'm taking with me to Conference today and tomorrow. If you have questions regarding the direction of your life too, I encourage you to listen in wherever you are. God is good and He answers everyone who sincerely desires His guidance. I know this!

I read the following scripture in my studies this morning, I think it fits perfectly for the weekend. :)

-- "I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm." (1 Nephi 18:21) 

 Listen to the live broadcast.

-Alicia

Qualities That Qualified

I'm reading the Book of Mormon slowly from the beginning so I can, go into greater depth, lay things out, and find more patterns.  This morning, I noticed qualities that qualified Nephi to receive from God the answers to the questions he was seeking:

1. Nephi did NOT think his father's visions were foolish imaginations.
2. Nephi did NOT murmur or complain about leaving everything behind, he trusted that God was leading them.
3. Nephi believed that even the strongest cities can fall and their hometown was no exception. (1 Nephi 2:11-13 & 16)
4. He had "great desires to know the mysteries of God" so he took these desires to the Lord in prayer.
5. He received a witness through the power of "the Holy Spirit" that his father's visions weren't crazy, that he indeed was inspired by the Lord, and bore testimony immediately of this to his brothers.
6. Nephi had incredible faith.
7. He relied on God for spiritual answers to his spiritual problems NOT the intellect or "wisdom of the world". Instead he "sought [the Lord] diligently with lowliness of heart."  (I looked up the word lowliness in the 1828 dictionary and I love the description: "Freedom from pride"as if to illustrate the chains of bondage, the slavery that pride really is!)(1 Nephi 2:17)
8. He obeyed every command of God without whining or complaining because he knew and trusted in the character, the faithfulness, love, wisdom, and power of his Father in Heaven.
9. He didn't let fear of man or things that seemed impossible stop him. He knew God was stronger.(1 Nephi 3:7, 14 &15)
10. Unlike the popular majority, Nephi took the prophet's counsel seriously. (1 Nephi 3:18)
11. His priorities were straight and he clearly understood what truly mattered most. He knew the scriptures and records of those who had gone before were far more precious than any amount of money could ever buy. Even when he was mocked and beaten for this belief. (1 Nephi 3:19,20 & 28,29)

Some things I'll be thinking about today...

More thoughts to come in my journey to study this awesome book again.

-Alicia

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Searching

Well, we've cancelled the contract for the home we were considering.  My husband has been terribly uneasy about it and I feel like I've been grasping at straws trying to somehow make it work in my own mind.  The seller is refusing to pay for the cost to rewire the house.  It's riddled with exposed live wires and other fire hazards.  I wish that this were the only issue with the home.  There are other concerns not as major but still pretty big deals and the sellers just won't go down anymore in price to make the purchase worth the headaches.

I'm sad.
My kids and I all had our hopes up that we could stay in this area.  I guess there's still a possibility we could find something else or the seller could change their mind.

For now, it's back to searching.  I'm feeling worn from it all and can hardly bring myself to keep looking.  None of us ever wanted to move... especially me.

I listened to my friend, Jennifer, give a presentation at BYU today for Education Week.  She actually spoke about re-wiring... not for a house of course, but a way to re-wire our minds and hearts through the process of daily rituals, through diligent scripture study and sincere heart-felt prayer.  She testified of how good the Lord is, that He hears every petition.  She quoted Joseph Smith in saying, "Come to God weary him until He blesses you."  I reflected on my personal scripture study this morning "Ask, and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you"(3 Nephi 27:29) and where the Savior inquires of His servants, "What is it that ye desire of me?" (3 Nephi 28:1)

The Lord knows what I desire!
If I have not wearied Him, I've certainly wearied myself in pleading to stay close by this beautiful place.  Like a tree that thrives and blossoms near a stream, somehow my spirit needs this closeness for my soul.

Maybe it's me who needs the re-wiring?
-Alicia

Give Me a Revelation

We looked for some homes in Springville the other day.  As my husband and I rode out there we both felt, "This is too far."  We took the tour quickly because it seemed so pointless after getting the impression we did.

I spoke with my friend, Jed, yesterday who told me the story of how he and his wife found their first home in our neighborhood.  They prayed about where to move not ever living in Provo before and practically mapped out our current ward boundaries.  They drove around looking for a house up for sale and found nothing.  Then a few days later, Jed had the impression to drive down that same street again and a guy was just walking out with a "For Sale by Owner" sign.  He knew instantly that was where they were to move.
What I wouldn't give to have that kind of clear revelation!
Just put the sign up for us, Lord, right as I'm driving by!

I knelt in earnest prayer this morning begging for my Father in Heaven to give us some direction.  I felt the impression come to me.  "I already have.  You knew this was where you were supposed to be eight years ago, either in the 11th ward or the 3rd ward, it didn't really matter... this was right where you were supposed to be."
I prayed again, "Yes, but is it where we are meant to stay?  Because I'm having a hard time determining Thy will from my own desires.  I cannot seem to pull myself away from this place.  Every fiber of my being wants to stay here but at the same time, I don't want to resist direction otherwise."

Perhaps part of the pull that draws me in are the unanswered questions to all of my "coincidental" experiences here... and that maybe... somehow by sticking around a little longer, I'll discover more pieces to the puzzle.  I've shared so much of my story but have hardly seen the other half and I've just got to know more!  Nevertheless, not my will but "as thou wilt".

I'm praying for my heart to be open to other places.  Tonight, we will go and look at a home in the far south-west part of Provo.  Dear Father, I pray.  Help us to know, please show us.  Is my heart blocking the way or do I follow it?  Because if I follow my heart, it's already here!

-Alicia

Thy Will Be Done

Call it what it is...

We have an amazing Father in Heaven and I can't explain how but I know He is real, that He is the Father of each of us, that He hears, He sees, He understands, and He knows all.

Personally, I've experienced answers to prayers more numerous these past couple of years than I can begin to describe; situations, parallels, and connections that are far too many to be coincidental. And even though I may not see the bigger picture and have a full vision of its purpose at this moment in my life, it has strengthened my faith and I am grateful.

I know we can receive Divine assistance and heavenly help.  I know we are not alone even when we feel as if there isn't a single soul who understands.  We can have mysteries unfolded.  Answers will come line upon line... and I'm slowly learning patience, the kind of patience that is okay with not knowing "why" until my life is over.  Every heartache, every struggle only draws me to my knees in deeper, more soulful prayer.

To some who know "my story," it might seem crazy or impossible - but the more that has been revealed... I'm compelled to call it what it really is: A miracle!

Yeah, I'm a believer!
-Alicia

The Impossible Dream

I know two songs from the movie though I don't recall ever watching it.  I've never read the book either... even though it has sat on my shelf for years.  When I was a little girl, I remember my mother singing The Impossible Dream and Man of Lamancha.  She'd dance through the kitchen like a cheerful songbird and often get the lyrics messed up... but she sang her heart out anyway.

After reading the book that came in the mail last week, I took interest in the way the author mentions Don Quixote in her last chapter.  It reads as follows:

After [Don Quixote] tells [Aldonza] of his quest - to follow the impossible dream - she pleads, "Once, just once - would you look at me as I really am?"
He gazes into her eyes and answers, "I see beauty.  Purity.  I see the woman each man holds secret within him. Duclinea."

...In his quest to "add some measure of grace to the world" he became alive to new visions, to the vision of one who values all life - Jesus Christ.

Though she fights his vision as being unrealistic, her heart longs for it to be true, and in time the presence of his love, gentleness, and glory transform her life and her very nature.  

His triumph in the quest to "add some measure of grace" comes as he lies upon his deathbed and Aldonza comes to see him.  
She cries for him to regain the quest, "Please!  Try to remember!"
"Is it so important?" he asks.
"Everything.  My whole life.  You spoke to me and everything was different!" she pleads.
As he fades and dies, she is resurrected into a new being and walks away with his quest instilled upon her heart, and thereafter calls herself, Dulcinea [which means -sweet above all that is sweet]."

The part she describes here sounded so familiar to me.
"I know this story" I thought to myself.  " I know it well."
 It's a story of transformation, a story of redemption, a story of what happens to a soul when someone sees them differently, when they are seen by the light of truth, and it awakes them to who they are meant to become no matter how impossible it might seem.

There's no doubt in my mind that God knows and loves us beyond our mortal comprehension.  He answers our prayers.  He has great plans, tailor-made opportunities, and custom-fit challenges to help us grow into who we're meant to be.
...And sometimes He sends angels to help us along our journey.   I will thank God for my angels every single day of my life.  How could I ever forget the measure of grace they added to my world?!  Their quest is my quest now. It is written and instilled deep upon my heart forever.

From Don Quixote

To dream the impossible dream

To fight the unbeatable foe

To bear with unbearable sorrow

And to run where

the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong

And to love pure and chaste from afar

To try when your arms are too weary

To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest

To follow that star

No matter how hopeless

No matter how far

To fight for the right

Without question or pause

To be willing to march,

march into hell

For that heavenly cause

And I know

If I'll only be true

To this glorious quest

That my heart

Will lie peaceful and calm

When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be

better for this

That one man, scorned

and covered with scars,

Still strove with his last

ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable,

the unreachable,

The unreachable star

And I'll always dream

The impossible dream

Yes, and I'll reach

The unreachable star

"It is not that something different is seen, but that one sees differently.

It is as though the spatial act of seeing were changed by a new dimension."

- Carl Jung

Storybook - Ponderize Week 35

"Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out not knowing whither he went." - Hebrews 11:8

It can be so hard to step out and move forward "not knowing" ...
and yet, I feel like it's the story of my life!

I take comfort in the scriptures though. Just this morning I read Moroni 7 and Hebrews 11. Both speak of miracles that are brought about by faith.  In Paul's letter to the Hebrews, he lists several prophets who were given great promises.  They lived faithful and true to every commandment of the Lord believing that those promises would one day be fulfilled.  Yet, verse 13 of Hebrew's says that, "these all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them..." And then verse 29 states again, "these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise."

"In a sense all of us are in the middle of our own novels, our own life stories. Sometimes our stories feel very intense, and we would like to read ahead to know our own end, to make sure that everything is going to turn out all right. While we don’t know the particular details of our life’s experiences, fortunately we do know something about our futures, if we live worthily.

We are given this insight in Doctrine and Covenants 90:24 [D&C 90:24]: 'Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly.'... Sometimes we see immediate fulfillment of the promise. Other times we plead for years before we see the desired promises fulfilled. Sometimes, as with faithful Abraham, we may embrace the promises but die “in faith, not having received the promises” (Heb. 11:13) while on earth. While it may be true in some instances that our promised blessings will be fulfilled only in the eternities, it is also true that as we search, pray, and believe, we will often recognize things working together for our good in this life.... " - Susan W. Tanner

Sometimes, I desperately want to read ahead in my own story to see if the promises that have been revealed to me will ever occur on this earth or if they are only to be given somehow in heaven. I understand that it is better for me not to know.  I get that if it were shown to me, I would no longer have the struggles that are necessary to deepen and strengthen my faith. Just gotta keep moving one step in front of the other "not knowing" the details of my own story but knowing full well and trusting that God does... and I'd say He's a pretty dang good author.

-Alicia

Q&A - Ponderize - Week 26

I'm incredibly grateful that I can bring all my questions before the Lord, that He encourages me to do so even if they might seem foolish.  I think the key principles for me to learn are patience and faith... and that all of my life's little mysteries will be revealed in His perfect timing.

 "If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.Thou shalt ask, and it shall be revealed unto you in mine own due time...." - D&C 42:61,62

-Alicia

"Prepare" - Ponderize - Week 24

There's so much on my mind at this time.  How I wish I could find words to adequately give my thoughts expression.  Maybe if I could lay them all out, I'd be able to make some sense of them for myself a little better?  For some reason I've really struggled to find the right verse for this week.  I've skipped all through my scriptures almost at random, searching for something to catch my eye but not really with any particular subject to study.  Despite all the time I spent browsing with-out any particular direction, I somehow kept finding the word "prepare."
Maybe that's my message?
Maybe the Lord wants me to just focus on this word?

Am I prepared for what lies ahead?  There is certainly plenty that I need to get my heart and mind in the right place for:  The children have been preparing for the Cultural Celebration of our new Temple.  The dedication is this Sunday.  A week after that, we celebrate Easter and then General Conference. Am I prepared to let the Savior in?  Am I prepared to hear and apply the words of the Living Prophets?  How do I prepare myself each day to receive the Spirit into my heart and my home?  How am I preparing to be ready for my children's future struggles?  Have I prepared them sufficiently for the stage they are currently in?  And what if like Alma asks...what "if [I]were called to die at this time... have [I] been sufficiently humble? [Have my] garments been cleansed and made white through the blood of Christ...?  [Am I] stripped of pride? ...if [I am] not... [I am] not prepared to meet God." - Alma 5:27, 28

My prayer is for Him to meet me here and teach me how to purge my heart without becoming discouraged with all the countless areas in which I lack. I want to be ready for the Lord whenever He needs me.  Am I ready to go where He needs me to go?  Am I where I need to be?
... There's so much on my mind... and maybe I don't have to sort it all out right now.

"Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and ponder upon the things which I have said and ask of the Father, in my name, that ye may understand, and prepare your minds for the morrow, and I come unto you again." - 3 Nephi 17:3

-Alicia

"The Power of Not Knowing" - Ponderize - Week 23

"Wisdom is the highest spiritual intelligence.  While the natural man, through knowledge, can know nothing of wisdom.  A man may have a great intelligence and yet have nothing of the Christ life within him."

- Jane Lathrop Stanford

Liz Wiseman gave a great forum address at BYU several weeks ago called The Power of Not Knowing. I listened to it today. This is one of those talks I definitely want to repeat several times.  I really feel like I need to be better at asking questions and not act like I have all the answers, especially with my children.  It's a place of humility I know I haven't achieved yet.  

The text from this lecture isn't available but I've jotted down a few things she presents that I really, really love:

"Can we actually get too smart?... Is there actually more power in not knowing? I want to make a case for ignorance, and not ignorance in the case of the lack of education or stupidity, but simply the lack of certainty... As we gain knowledge and as we gain intelligence and we get smart, can we get a little too full of ourselves, a little too smart for our own good and maybe even a little too smart for the good of others?

When we come to depend on acquired knowledge, we can fall easily prey to secularism which offers us a one-eyed view of the world.... it's like we see half of the colors in a spectrum.  But we don't really fully see clearly until we unite our knowledge and our faith.

I think sometimes in our state of not knowing, it's actually where we come to know God.  It's where we discover!

We're so often at our best when we don't know.  The best leaders don't have the answers.  The best leaders have really good questions.  And they use those questions and their own intelligence to bring out the genius in the people around them.

I think it's time we recognize that at the top of the intelligence hierarchy, is not the genius - it's the genius maker.  And I think we need to recognize that we tend to do our best work when we're on the outer edges of what we know, when we're doing something hard and new and we're growing through challenge."

I think my favorite part in everything Sister Wiseman says is this:

"Sometimes in our state of not knowing is actually where we come to know God."

The uncertainty we face and the questions that may arise need not make us fearful of our capabilities or our future... for they humble us and bring us to our knees in prayer, connecting us with our all-knowing Father in Heaven.  The verse I've chosen to ponderize for this week is short but it will serve as a reminder to me that ultimately, there is beauty in not having all the answers and that there is infinite treasure to be discovered in the process of seeking.

"I applied mine heart to know, and to search, and to seek out wisdom, and the reason of things" - Ecclesiastes 7:25

-Alicia

A Song and a Prayer - Ponderize - Week 22

I discovered a new song a few days ago.  Whenever I listen to this, I imagine Enos and what a deep and soulful prayer looks and sounds like - To cry out to Father in Heaven, begging for answers, begging for the Spirit to guide, to open my eyes, to forgive me for everything I am blind to and for everything I lack, to take me out of my place or set me where I need to be. - To offer up all my gratitude for this moment of prayer, knowing I can empty out everything in my heart and lay it before Him and not feel condemned for any foolishness displayed.  I'm grateful that He sees it all - He is my safe place.  "He answers privately, Reaches my reaching In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend. Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching. Constant he is and kind, Love without end." (Where Can I Turn for Peace Hymn 129) 

When I think of hunger, I also think of  Psalms 23 and how the Good Shepherd leads me to green pastures and streams of living water.  In Him I have my everything.  It is from Him, from His spirit where all goodness and mercy flows.  His rod and staff (His word and Priesthood) comfort me.
   

Hungry

by, Mercyme

"Hungry, I come to You for I know, 

You satisfy.

I am empty but I know Your love,

Does not run dry.

So I wait for You,

So I wait for You.

I'm falling on my knees,

Offering all of me,

Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

Broken I run to You, for Your arms

Are open wide.

I am weary but I know Your touch
Restores my life.

So I wait for You,

Oh I wait for You.

I'm falling on my knees,

Offering all of me,

Jesus, You're all this heart is living for."

"My soul hungered and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto Him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto Him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens.... And I, Enos, knew it would be according to the covenant which he had made; wherefore my soul did rest." - Enos 1:4, 17

-Alicia

"You Can't Close My Heart"

Have you ever heard of The Freeze?  Members of the church in Ghana were banned by their own government from gathering in meetinghouses and missionaries were kicked out.  If they were caught, some were arrested for trying to hold sacrament meeting in their home.  This ban lasted 18 months from June,1989 to Nov. 1990.  This was not a restriction God-imposed but one of man, even still... there was so much good that came out of it.  One brother in this story said something he learned that I'll never forget, "You can close my mouth, but you can't close my heart."

I am inspired by the numerous blessings born of the trials and heartache they went through; Opportunities were expanded, they experience greater unity, stronger conversion, and a depth of appreciation for the simple gifts of the Gospel.

I know with all my heart that if we stay fixed and focused on our Savior, the very things that hurt the greatest and cut the deepest will cause the best things to grow.

-Alicia

Daddy, did you know?

It's been a busy week as I've been preparing things for school where I have a big essay due and I have a lesson for church (I'm a little nervous to give.)
Also, we've invented a new fairy in our family (well, my mom invented her and I've carried on the tradition for sixteen years.)  The "Valentine's Fairy" comes every night for a whole week before the big day and leaves treats or trinkets with a cheesy little valentine note attached.... I mean really cheesy. :P  Anyway, it's my best friend's birthday on Monday too and I've wanted to prepare something nice for her.  Needless to say, there's been a lot of wonderful things to keep me busy.  I had a thought to call my brother, Kenneth. It's been a couple of months since we talked last over the phone.  But in all the rush, I just didn't get around to it.  He must have been thinking the same thing because he beat me to the call. (We seem to do that a lot.)  It was refreshing to take an hour spending time with him, an hour I don't think I had but it was extremely worth it. He shared a great story with me:

Kenneth and his wife, Kaylee, are expecting their second child.  Their first is Lily who is four-years-old. Ken and Kaylee live in Fort Worth, TX. They attend a wonderful Christian church on Sundays and send Lily there for pre-school during the week.  Job positions where my brother works have received cut-backs of nearly 58,000.  As they've worked their way from the bottom up to the more senior employees and it's now getting close to him.  He's been terrified to have another baby at this point especially because his wife will quit work and financially it just doesn't look good for him as a father and provider.

One morning, he lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, petitioning God for comfort, worrying about what was going to happen next and how things would ever work out.  Four-year-old Lily came walking in and stood at his bedside.  With an excitement in her voice she looked at her father and asked, "Daddy, did you know that God can do anything?  And did you know that Peter tried to walk on the water and became afraid but... did you know that God can do anything!"
His heart began to burst. "Yes baby, you are absolutely right," Kenneth responded with tears streaming down his face. The timing couldn't have been more perfect for her to come in and say what she did.

As my brother related this story, he had to pause for a moment to compose himself because even the memory of it made him emotional.  "Alicia," he said, "It's a complete miracle.... she hasn't just done this once but several mornings when I have laid there with my mind and heart overwhelmed. And each time she has come into my room, stood by my bed and said the very same thing. It is as if God sent her as an angel in those moments to comfort me."
I agreed with him and we had a wonderful time bearing testimony of how aware the Lord is of us. This is why I love talking with my brother so much. I'm so glad he called in the middle of all my chaos.

What a powerful lesson from the pure heart of a child!  "Did you know... God can do anything!"
 Faith as a Child
-Alicia

Answers to Prayers

 President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, discussed how we can recognize the voice of the Lord:
“Answers to prayers come in a quiet way. The scriptures describe that voice of inspiration as a still, small voice. …

“I have come to know that inspiration comes more as a feeling than as a sound. …

“Put difficult questions in the back of your minds and go about your lives. Ponder and pray quietly and persistently about them.

“The answer may not come as a lightning bolt. It may come as a little inspiration here and a little there, ‘line upon line, precept upon precept’ (D&C 98:12).

“Some answers will come from reading the scriptures, some from hearing speakers. And, occasionally, when it is important, some will come by very direct and powerful inspiration. The promptings will be clear and unmistakable” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1979, 28, 30; or Ensign, Nov. 1979, 19–21).

I know this is true.  I'm so thankful for a personal and loving Father in Heaven who guides and directs our lives through prayer and revelation.

-Alicia

In His Hands

I've just finished the part in the Book of Mormon where Alma and Amulek are miraculously delivered out of prison.  Prior to their own bondage, they were forced to watch the persecution and martyrdom of the believers who had been cast into the flames including many women and children.
Can you imagine the horror?
Amulek was pained so deeply and "said unto Alma: How can we witness this awful scene?  Therefore let us stretch forth our hands, and exercise the power of God which is in us, and save them from the flames.  But Alma said unto him: The Spirit constraineth me that I must not stretch forth mine hand; for behold the Lord receiveth them up unto Himself, in glory."  (Alma 14:10-11)

 He promises Amulek that God is just and that this moment will be noted for the righteous sake and for the wicked.
There may have been some comfort in this but I'm sure they still wondered why they were delivered and others were not.  Then the guards brutally beat, mocked, and humiliated Alma and Amulek - scoffing that their faith was useless in a God they couldn't prove the existence of.

"Alma cried saying: How long shall we suffer these great afflictions, O Lord? Give us strength according to our faith which is in Christ, even unto deliverance." (Alma 14:26)

God answered his prayer and they broke the bands... and the prison walls fell.
Still, how could one erase from memory all the terror and tragedy they had experienced?  It must have weighed them down with crushing pain on more than one occasion.

This wasn't their only sorrow though... poor Amulek had forsaken everything for the ministry, "all his gold, and silver, and his precious things,... rejected by those who were once his friends and also his father and his kindred." ( Alma 15:16) Alma was well aware of the enormous sacrifice his mission companion was dealing with, he "having seen all these things, therefore... took Amulek...to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord." (Alma 15:18)
I have often wondered how exactly Alma administered unto his friend. Did he give him a priesthood blessing?  And if he did...what did he say in that blessing?
I imagine that Alma shared great faith and testimony with him, that this was the Lord's work, that everything would be alright, and that God was keenly aware of their needs at that time.

One thing I've learned is that we can deal with all kinds of pain but it's the uncertainty that will kill us. The troubles were not taken away and they weren't given all the answers as to what? and how? and why?  But there was peace...
Peace that gave them strength to let go of the anxiety and to trust their future with full submission to their Father in Heaven.  Because amidst all the conflict, there was one thing that remained completely certain: They were in the Lord's hands.

Meekness and submissiveness are twin attributes we must learn in this life.  They are the hallmark of true faith and the gateway to finding rest to the weary soul and peace to the troubled mind .

I'm thankful for the scriptures and words of the prophets that remind me of this.  I'll close this post with some great quotes from Elder Neal A. Maxwell

"Submissiveness also checks our tendency to demand advance explanations of the Lord as a perplexed yet trusting Nephi understood: “I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.” (1 Ne. 11:17.)

So did a wondering but submissive Mary: “And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.” (Luke 1:38.)

Just as the capacity to defer gratification is a sign of real maturity, likewise the willingness to wait for deferred explanation is a sign of real faith and of trust spread over time.

If faithful, we end up acknowledging that we are in the Lord’s hands and should surrender to the Lord on His terms—not ours. It is total surrender, no negotiating; it is yielding with no preconditions....

The tilt of our souls in first moments is so vital. Will what follows be viewed with disdain or as having some design? Which will we do most, murmur or ponder?...

For the faithful, what finally emerges is an understanding of “things as they really are” (Jacob 4:13), such as the reassuring realization that we are in the Lord’s hands! But, brothers and sisters, we were never really anywhere else!"  - Elder Neal A. Maxwell (Willing to Submit)

-Alicia
All is well. :)

In Your Hands

Humble, Submissive, and Gentle - Ponderize - Week 17

My nephew, Bryson, is currently serving a mission in Mexico.  In yesterday's letter he bore witness of the validity of personal revelation, of going to the Lord in fervent prayer and then turning to the scriptures for answers.  I greatly appreciated his testimony.  This is the method I have used through my life again and again.  I cannot even begin to number how many times I have had "custom-fit" verses jump off the pages at me.... just too many coincidences to be a coincidence.

My nephew's testimony came at a good time because I've spent a lot of moments reflecting recently on my own personal revelations.  I wonder if any of the men or women in the scriptures ever felt lonely with the answers they received.  

Did Mary ponder in her heart because she knew no one would believe her or maybe because she had a hard time even believing herself?  

How much did Abraham share with Sariah or even Isaac about the revelations he received?  

After Joseph Smith shared his experiences, people said he was crazy.

Were things so unbelievable that they had moments themselves where they too questioned their own sanity?

Joseph Smith learned to trust his initial revelations enough to move ahead even if he wasn't sure exactly what that looked like for him in the future: "to continue as [he] was until further directed. [He] had found the testimony of James to be true—that a man who lacked wisdom might ask of God, and obtain, and not be upbraided." - JSH 1:26

Alma had been given a very specific mission in his life.  He followed that instruction knowing "that the Lord God hath power to do all things which are according to his word."(Alma 7:8)

 Yet Alma was painfully and sorely rejected in ways I cannot imagine.  In fact it was so difficult that he said, "I was about to set my back towards this land forever"  but he didn't give up, why? Because he understood revelation and knew without a doubt it was from God.  He testified, " I have been commanded that I should turn again and prophesy unto this people." - Alma 8:24,25

I like what Joseph said, "to continue as I was until further directed."  

I feel that way sometimes.  

I don't have all the answers.  I only have been given instruction up to this point and it doesn't go any further into the distant steps.  I will trust that it will be unfolded "line upon line,... here a little and there a little"

I share some of the answers I've been given here but ponder most of it in my heart because it is the only safe place to keep them.  I know the Lord searches there. It is between Him and me for now.

My scripture to ponderize for the week is this:

"And now [Alicia] I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of god at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive." - Alma 7:23

-Alicia

"As Often As Thou Inquired" - Ponderize - Week 16

I'm a little late in posting my Ponderize scripture again but trust me, I've been thinking of this one since Sunday.  Sometimes through prayer and fasting, the Lord gives you certain verses that apply so perfectly to your life and mission.  The verses become treasures in your heart and you draw upon them again and again.  The entire section of D&C 6 has become quite meaningful to me for several months now because it came after "much fasting and prayer" at just the right moment in my life.

This whole week I've been thinking of these verses:

"Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit.  If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.... I say unto you , if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.  Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter?  What greater witness can you have than from God?" - D&C 6: 15, 22-23

-Alicia

With Patience, Possess Your Soul

"The Lord seeth fit to chasten His people; yea, He trieth their patience and their faith."

 - Mosiah 23:21

This is where I am in my personal study of the Book of Mormon right now.  My goal is to finish the whole book before the first of June. I'm a little hung up because I feel like I've circled around this verse over and over for the last several days like a hawk anxious to devour that one word I desire so greatly.  I can't really say it has slowed my progress in my scripture study because it's led me to search out more scriptures and words of the prophets that relate to patience.

As a result, this BYU speech from Neal A. Maxwell has been on repeat all week for me.

We learn in Romans 5 that "tribulation worketh patience."
Go look up tribulation in a thesaurus and tell me if that's something you want?
(adversity, grief, heartache, burden, persecution, sorrow, suffering, trial, affliction, and more)
But it says right there in the scriptures that these are the very things that "worketh patience."

These tribulations come into each of our lives in various ways.  We all have them but they take different forms. They break us and bring us to our knees causing us to "seek the face of the Lord".... for it is only in Him we find peace and strength beyond our own.

Let's go back to Romans 5:3,4 and take a closer look:
"we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;and patience, experience; and experience, hope"

I can't help but notice that "work" and "experience" are in the same sentence and when I see that, I envision some sort of Godly resume.  "What is your 'work experience?'  What skills have you acquired through your opportunities to practice?  How much training have you had?"

The answer may go something like this:
"Well, Father, every time I have come against some sort of tribulation, be it grief, heartache, sorrow, burden, persecution, or suffering of any kind... I have sought Thy face through deep and sincere prayer. through fasting, through searching Thy word.  I have learned of the Savior, that He has experienced this exact same thing, that He understands completely, that He is mighty to save and will help me and make me stronger through it all.  I have come to know something of His omniscience. As I look back on all of the other trials of my past, I can see so clearly that He knew what was best and that His timing was perfect, absolutely perfect.  I've had opportunities to 'lose myself' to evaluate my motives and see where I have been selfish and correct that.  Most of all, I have come to feel of Your love, Your grace.  I've witnessed how personal and involved You have always been in my life and it has caused me to want to be more personal and involved with those who I have committed to love.  THIS has been my experience time and time again... and I have hope... I am filled with hope!  Because of these things, my faith has grown, deeper, taller, and stronger... Because of Thee, I can be patient in any circumstance."

In other words, Romans 5:1-6 is a cyclical ascending pattern:
Tribulation >> Seek the Lord in faith >> experience (and everything that entails) >> Greater faith and awareness of His grace >> Hope >> Patience >> Tribulation

" In your patience possess ye your souls." - Luke 21:19

"Those with true hope often see their personal circumstances shaken, like kaleidoscopes, again and again. Yet with the “eye of faith,” they still see divine pattern and purpose (Alma 5:15)." - Neal A. Maxwell - A Perfect Brightness of Hope

I know that God sees the bigger picture.  His plan is perfect and He knows what is best for me at just the right moment, at just the right time in my life.  It's all about the experience.

-Alicia