"I pray the power of the Holy Ghost will be with each of us—that we may think what we need to think, feel what we need to feel, and learn what we need to learn so we can do what we know we should do and ultimately become what the Lord yearns for us to become." - David A. Bednar
"I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions and shall be lifted up at the last day.... I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me... yea, and I do put my trust in Him, and He will still deliver me."
- Alma 36: 3 & 27
I can testify just the same as Alma did. I know that God loves us, that He is real! I know that if we put our trust in Him, there is nothing we can't make it through. He will guide our path all along the way.
There's so much going on right now you'd think I wouldn't have any trouble coming up with something to write but I am. We're waiting still to have a couple more tests done on Kaylee to find out if she's going to be okay. We had a big scare with her earlier this week where the doctors think she may have had a few small seizures. Whether they were seizures or not, her white blood cell count is really high and they're trying to make sure that's not anything too serious. She's scheduled for a neuroscan on Monday. I'm hopeful that she'll be just fine but I'm still a little scared that I could be wrong.
In the Book of Mormon reading today, I read one of my most favorite verses from the Isaiah chapters: "God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; He also has become my salvation." - 2 Nephi 22:2 and Isaiah 12:2
These past twelve months have been some of the hardest months of my entire life. Our family has gone through some dramatic and painful changes. In reflection of all that has happened, I keep asking myself what there is to learn from it all. What is the Lord trying to teach me? What is He trying to teach us?
I keep thinking of the Serenity Prayer:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
Oh, how I pray through all the struggle, "Please help me to learn wisdom!!"
It's funny, but I almost forgot.
As I typed this serenity prayer, a memory flashed into my mind.
When Joseph and I were engaged, a week or two before our wedding date, he became terribly paralyzed with fear, almost to the point of calling the wedding off. I remember him saying, "I promise, It's not you, it's me. I'm afraid I will fail as a husband and father. I'm afraid I won't be able to endure when things get tough."
I think we all face similar fears throughout our lives. Turn on the news or take a walk down the street, and you'll see some of the best marriages and families falling apart right before your eyes. No one wants to become another statistic.
As a response to my husband's engagement jitters, I bought him this serenity prayer etched in glass. It looked a little something like the one I've posted here -- the only difference is the one I gave him was rectangle and also had a rose at the bottom.
He warned me before we married that he suffered greatly with depression. I told him not to worry because four of my six family members had severe depression and not much could phase me: My mom was hospitalized for at least a month or so more than three times for her bipolar. And my dad, brother, and sister had all attempted suicide and had been hospitalized for that. I assured Joseph then from my family experiences that I was quite familiar with depression.
I don't know if that consoled him or not. Ha! It probably frightened him even more thinking about the genes we'd pass on to our children. I'm just grateful that our kids so far seem to be doing great and despite my husband's depression through all these years, Joseph has never needed to be admitted to a facility like my mom, dad, or siblings. Of course, he's had his rough moments but who doesn't? He's doing far better than the members of my family did. I think he's done quite alright!
It's interesting though, I look back on how our marriage has unfolded together, all that we've been through, and the little gift I bought when he was feeling so low-- I realize that prayer was more for me than it was for him. All these years, through every hardship we have faced, every struggle, this prayer has come into my mind.
And guess what? Today, after all these years, I discovered that there is more to the prayer. Can you believe it? All this time and I'm only now finding this out. I love this second half. It's absolutely beautiful! This is the prayer in its entirety:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
I like that line, "accepting hardships as the pathway to peace... trusting that He [God] will make all things right". So many of us often fear tribulation because in the moment it feels like it's going to take us down, like it's going to crush us - but there is another side to it we often don't see.
Napoleon Hill once said, "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." That's the vision we want to capture when we come face to face with life's struggles. Wisdom, character, and beauty are forged in the furnace of affliction. Therefore, "Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course." -William Shakespeare
There's a new song out by MercyMe I wanted to share this evening. My hope in doing so is that it might be encouraging to someone who is consumed by despair from the burning flames of life's fiery furnace.
These verses strike my heart the most, The song is a prayer to God, one I think every Christian has felt at some moment in their life.
"It's easy to sing When there's nothing to bring me down But what will I say When I'm held to the flame Like I am right now I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone"
This reminds me very much of the wonderful talk given By Dennis E. Simmons thirteen years ago, But If Not, especially the last two paragraphs.
We must have the same faith as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.
"Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not … . He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from threats, accusations, and insecurity, but if not. … He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not, … we will trust in the Lord. Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not. … He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not. … We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not, … we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has."
We might not have the answers to some of our experiences right now. Time may reveal it or at least content our souls with not knowing. But one thing is certain - God loves us and will see us through every heartache as we seek Him.
In our church, we use the phrase "magnify the Lord in your calling" quite a bit. I've been thinking what it means to magnify the Lord. All too often, we might think this means exhausting ourselves to do more, be more, to run "faster than we have strength" in order to magnify our calling but we forget "the Lord" part.
In Luke 1:46, Mary, the mother of Christ said, "My soul doth magnify the Lord."
What does it mean to magnify something? It means to increase, extend, expand, intensify.
If it is the Lord that is the one that is magnified first in our heart and mind then He becomes bigger, stronger, more powerful than the other things that may try to consume us... like our fears, our weaknesses, our anxieties, our doubts, and even our foolish pride.
The problems and struggles we face may seem Goliath in size, but when our soul magnifies the Lord, we see that God is bigger than any obstacle. With this knowledge, we can do as David did: We will "hasten and [run] toward" those giants, with full confidence that we "come to [our problems] in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel" so "that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel." (1 Samuel 17:45, 46 & 48)
Through a vision that daily recognizes and embraces the all-consuming presence and power of God, we see that God is greater, He's stronger, He is more powerful than any troubles we face, and we will come off conquerors!! With God, we need not fear.
I never did end up serving a full-time mission but I imagine that many missionaries experience moments where they just want to go home, they want things to be the way they once were, in a place among people who speak their language, and where they are completely comfortable.
What if you were called to serve in an area where you felt like nothing you did made a difference, where the people rejected you, were mean to you, even when you tried to help them, nothing but hundreds of doors slammed in your face? Of course you would have moments where you wanted to go home.
I tried to use this analogy with Kaylee tonight as I laid in bed with her, scratching her back. She was relaxed with my body next to hers but her thoughts were still reflective. Today wasn't easy. Our foster daughter has a little problem with punching, scratching, and kicking others (all behaviors which are strictly forbidden in our family). We're working on things, it will just take some training but Kaylee had a few wounds that were proof of the struggle today with her new "younger sibling."
She sighed and whispered, "Mom, I don't want to be a foster family anymore. I just want our family."
I squeezed her tightly and kissed her head, "Honey, I know how you feel and it's okay to have those feelings. You are doing a wonderful job though! You've been so patient, and you're setting such a good example. Our foster kids will learn, we need to give them time."
I reminded her of her cousins who completed their full-time missions this year,
"Kaylee, what if Dane or Bryson decided that the place they were called to was just too hard? I'm sure there were many times they felt that way. What if when things were rough, they quit and said, 'That's it! I'm going home!' Things weren't always easy but they stayed and finished their missions right up to the end."
She didn't respond to my question but her expression showed that she understood. "Sweetheart," I continued, "We've been called on a mission just like your cousins. Heavenly Father has asked us to serve in this place and with these specific children. We can't quit. We've got to stay here doing this work as long as God needs us to. Not all the moments are bad. We've had lots of good moments with these kids too."
My words seemed to click with her and her expression was more hopeful.
There really is no turning back. We've got to keep moving forward!!
I pray these experiences will become quite beneficial for my children as they face any uncomfortable calling or difficult task in the future: college, a full-time mission, marriage, or raising their own children. I pray these experiences will teach them to learn the virtue of perseverance forged through faith. If it is a mission that God has called us to (and I know it is), then we can keep moving forward in total confidence and trust. Everything is going to work out and we'll be better for it.
"Grief seems to create losses within us that reach beyond our awareness;
We feel as if we're missing something that was invisible and unknown to us while we had it, but is now painfully gone."
- Brene' Brown (From the book Rising Strong p.146)
I think that's exactly what my husband is going through, a period of grief--a type of mourning. Our old life that has passed away--how our family used to be, everything that was comfortable and familiar--now feels strange and foreign when he arrives home from work: different faces, different voices, different smells, different behaviors, different conflicts.
For the first few days after our foster placement, I felt the same kind of grief, the same sense of loss for our old lifestyle... and it still surfaces every now and then but I think I've had more time to adjust than my husband. For two weeks before these children were officially placed with us, they were coming to our house for around five hours every day and went back home shortly after Joseph returned from work... so he didn't get as much of a primer. And still, after the placement, he's at work most of the time while I'm here with them. My ratio of opportunities to adjust simply outnumber his.
Big changes have never been easy for Joseph--the loss of what once was.
I remember two big changes where he nearly called everything off because he was so terrified of the pending upheaval of his familiar routine: our wedding day and our move to Provo. In his own words he says, "I was so terrified, I wanted to tuck tail and run!" And running away, is exactly what he's felt like doing with our new life as foster parents. Admittedly, several days ago, I was right there with him. Sometimes we both ask, "What the 'H' have we gotten ourselves into?!"
There are two things that help us hold our ground though:
One--the miraculous events, timing, and connections that led us to where we are. We know we've been called of God on this mission...
And two--thinking of our foster children's lives and the intense need they have for a stable family, free from living on the streets, free from the scene of drugs, free from abuse.
Where else would they go without having to leave their school, their friends, and the people they've come to know through this ward?
I recognize that this transition is going to take time for both of us and it's likely going to take more time for Joseph, because he's not home as much. The biggest thing I worry about is him being too hard on himself. The other night he said discouragingly, "Alicia, I'm the one who initially introduced the idea of being foster parents but now I don't feel like I can't do this. I just can't do this. I don't feel close to these children at all." I reassured him that I often feel the same but I know we're going to make it!
I've discovered that our older foster child needs about an hour every evening to just talk with me. If I don't allow him that conversation time, he begins to act out in poor behavior and wake all the other kids. I'm grateful though because our conversations have helped forge some very needful bonds, even if they're not as strong as I'd like them to be.
For the past nine nights, during the new bed-time routine, Joseph has been so terribly uncomfortable that the only way for him to cope has been to keep his distance: emotionally and physically. He hunkers downstairs writing in his journal or chats with Chandler for two hours while I put the other five to bed. I recognize how prone he is to depression so I haven't said anything. The miracle is that the Lord has blessed me with an added measure of peace and strength to help me shoulder this compassionately while Joseph works through his grief of losing our old life.
"I once heard a friend say that grief is like surfing. Sometimes you feel steady and you're able to ride the waves, and other times the surf comes crashing down on you, pushing you so far underwater that you're sure you'll drown."
- Brene' Brown (From the book Rising Strong p.147)
The crashing waves remind me of the familiar story of Peter when Christ beckoned for him to step out onto the water. I know it seems impossible. I know it is frightening and overwhelming at times but I know Who is calling us and I trust Him. I trust Him with all my heart.
We won't drown. He's got this!
Our "new" van broke down Friday night due to the transmission jolting and revving. It caught us totally off guard. I tested it again in the morning and sure enough, the same problem. I had to call and have it towed. The factory warranty we were led to believe it was under is actually null and void because of an undisclosed original owner/company, Via Motors, that removed the engine and replaced it with their own parts. It's like some kind of eerie mad Scientist experiment where the Dr. takes out the brain of a patient and puts in a different one just to see how they function. When we bought it, we knew nothing about Via Motors and it was never disclosed on the car facts. We understood the engine had all brand-new parts but we were told they were GM and the power train was covered for one more year. Learning otherwise yesterday made me sick to my stomach. This is the last thing we needed!
Since I am out a vehicle for a while, I had to have my friend, Suzanne, give me a lift to the laundromat so I could take care of the wash. She could only drop me off yesterday because all her kids had soccer games they had to be to. I told her not to worry about picking me up and that somehow I'd find a ride home. I brought some food and my homework with me. In between my reading assignments I made phone calls back and forth to the company that we bought our van through and the Chevy dealer's repair shop. The place who sold it to us was horrified with the information I gave them and denied having any knowledge about Via Motors.
All the detective work between the dealer and the factory was very frustrating. I needed a breather. After changing the clothes from the washers to the dryers, I walked around to the side of the building and slumped down in the shade of a tree. I began listening to Richard G. Scott's talk from 1995 "Trust in the Lord." My 80-yr-old friend, Vic, came outside and discovered me sitting there. (Vic is the owner of The Wash Hut Laundromat I've been going to for these past eight years. He's a very nice man, is always asking how I'm doing and bringing the children treats.)
I tried to put a smile on my face but couldn't suppress feeling so stupid and completely humiliated for buying another lemon, especially at this time where we're going to have to scrape and save all we can to make our mortgage each month. I was overwhelmed with doubts of my ability to be inspired and questioned myself: "Was there a prompting I missed somehow that tried to warn me about this van? How many other times have I felt as if I was going in the right direction only to discover a dead end? What's wrong with me? Why is this happening?"
"How ya doin' kid?" Vic's voice interrupted my self-defeating thoughts. I looked up and answered with a tired, "Hey there."
Sensing something wasn't right he asked, "What brings you over to this side of the building?"
"I'm just trying to gather my thoughts," I replied.
"Oh??" Vic said with an imploring tone and crossed his arms to comfortably listen.
"You won't believe it... but remember how our two cars broke down a couple months ago and we got that new van?? Well, now this new one is having some serious issues... right at the time we're getting ready to move into a house and take on a mortgage too. Even this dang phone, our only phone is literally falling to pieces (I held it up with its shattered screen in the air)... and so is our computer at home. It's like everything is deciding to break right now - right when everything is being removed from under us."
I took in a deep breath and heaved a heavy sigh.
"Aw, kid, I'm so sorry!" Vic replied with deep sympathy.
Despite my effort to hold back my tears, they began to stream down my face. I tried to wipe them quickly away and be strong. Vic rushed inside, grabbed me some Kleenex and a drink, and handed them to me as I continued:
"I just wish I knew what was going on. Is the Lord trying to tell me something? Is there something I need to change? I don't even have time to deal with all of this. I have a five-page paper due on Monday and I can't think, I can't focus at all. I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm trying to hear the Lord's voice in all of this. I don't know what to do."
Vic placed his hand lovingly on my head, "Oh, this is awful, kid. I'm so very sorry." He stood there searching for more words to say, "I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could write your paper for you. I wish I could fix your van, fix everything that's wrong. I just wish I could make everything better."
"I know you do, Vic. You are very sweet." I assured him that his kindness to listen was more than enough and I appreciated him expressing so much concern. "I know everything will be alright. I just need to trust that." I pointed to the talk I had on my phone by Richard G. Scott, "I just need to trust this."
"Well, let me know what you need from me." Vic insisted and returned into the building with a friendly wave.
I thanked him again and put my headphones back in to continue listening to Elder Scott's talk. I had to finish my work, I just couldn't afford to waste any more time. I gathered my stuff and walked back into the Wash Hut so I could begin folding clothes from the dryers. Elder Scott concluded his talk with this testimony:
"I know the principles that we have discussed are true. They have been tested in the crucible of personal experience. [his own crucible of personal experience] To recognize the hand of the Lord in your life and to accept His will without complaint is a beginning. That decision does not immediately eliminate the struggles that will come for your growth. But I witness that it is the best way there is for you to find strength and understanding. It will free you from the dead ends of your own reasoning. It will allow your life to become a productive, meaningful experience, when otherwise you may not know how to go on (see D&C 24:8)."
The counsel, "recognize the hand of the Lord in your life" hit me as the key to the peace I was needing in that moment. I began listing to myself all the blessings I had seen in the past several hours:
"I'm grateful my friend, Suzanne, was there for me to drive me to the laundromat.
I'm grateful I have some quiet time to study.
I'm grateful my arms and legs work so that I can stand here and easily fold these clothes.
I'm grateful I my health is good and I can enjoy the beauty of this day.
I'm grateful that I have perfect hearing and that I have this blessing of technology to listen to this talk from an apostle of the Lord as I work."
Focusing on the blessings really helped me and I felt so much better, much more calm.
Vick came over to visit again.
"How are you planning on getting all this stuff home?"
"I was going to call a friend and see if someone might be available to take me back."
"Me! Call me!" Vick offered.
"Okay, thank you," I said graciously.
He hastily brought his car around to the front of the building, backed it up, and opened the trunk. "Here you go. Just let me know when you are ready to leave."
I mentally added one more thing to be grateful for on my list. And started Elder Scott's talk over again for the third time.
"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain. When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive the maximum help from your loving Father. The laundry was ready and loaded into the trunk of Vic's car. He came out with a bag full of treats from the vending machine. "For your children." He smiled, stuffing the bag between the folded towels. He drove me home and helped me carry the baskets up to my apartment. I thanked him again for all his kindness and generosity. He hugged me, kissed me on the head, and drove away with a wave, "I love you, kid."
I pulled out the bag of treats Vic had stuffed into the laundry and began to divide the candy among the children. At the bottom of a bag was an envelope with $100. "Ah, Vic, you didn't need to do that!" I said out loud as if he were still there. I rebuked myself for complaining so openly. I didn't want him to give me money! I didn't want anyone to!! Nevertheless, it was another blessing and I thanked my God for it. I remembered the verse I had been pondering over this past week. "For I know the plans I have for you..."
"When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow." - Richard G. Scott
I'm delighted to share what I found in my scriptures this morning and what I'll be pondering on for the week! Now, the verse I'm sharing is from a very modern translation of the Bible and I know that as members of the church we usually stick to the KJV but I really, really like how this verse comes to life with The Message version: "This is God’s Word on the subject... I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you—God’s Decree—bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it."
I also really like how it sounds in the first couple verses of the NIV version:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord,”
- Jeremiah 29:11-13
I found a little song that seems fitting for the verse too. I find peace when I remember that God has everything under control. It will all work out! :)
It's just not usual for me to toss and turn but I was so worried about Joseph. These somewhat forced and unforeseen new expenses in our life (buying a car and buying a house) have hit him hard and understandably, he's been completely overwhelmed with anxiety with how he's going to provide for it all. Last night, he came into bed extremely late because he was up looking for a second job. He absolutely hates the thought of a second job.
It didn't take much for me to discern his discouragement when his head hit the pillow. In frustration he blurted,"What if we have all these expenses suddenly come up under this new and extremely tight budget and we find ourselves in a situation where we can't make our mortgage or we have to file bankruptcy??" I tried to reassure him that it would never happen and things would be alright. He rolled to his side and faced the wall and didn't say anything. He was exhausted and I knew that continuing to try and talk would only frustrate him more so I scratched his back until I fell asleep... well sort-of... I kept waking every 20 minutes.
At 5 a.m. my restlessness conquered sleep completely and I decided that it was entirely useless for me to try anymore. I climbed out of bed, got dressed, grabbed my backpack, my headphones, my scriptures... and I headed up to the Y.
There's something about the early morning air before the break of dawn that is extremely invigorating for me. I love the feeling of hiking alone too so I can reflect or commune with God silently along the way. The silhouette of Rock Canyon under the light of a half-moon greeted me like a watchful guardian as my feet hit the trail. I breathed in deep the mountain air and soaked in the beauty of my surroundings while Chandler's "Epic/ Triumphant" playlist ignited my imagination through the headphones; Such a combination of things always makes me feel so free. Instantly, I was feeling better!
When I reached the top, I found a bench and enjoyed the glittery scene of the waking city I love so much. I prayed and poured my heart out to the Lord. I knew I had plenty of time before the children would be getting up so I just relaxed and stayed there praying and reading. I opened to where we've been studying as a ward family in the Book of Mormon. I read about how the Jaredites were guided on their journey to their promised land. I read the promise from the Lord that if they did everything in the name of Christ and served God, they would not be cast out. I felt this applied to our situation. I know we won't end up in a bankruptcy situation. I think we are going to see blessings unfold in ways we didn't imagine. The more I prayed and read the more sure I felt of this promise.
As dawn approached, I thought of the awesome power of the sun and how its radiance causes all other light to pale in its wake. God's power is like this, nothing really can compare. I trust Him.
Just as the morning rays began to hit the horizon, this gorgeous song called, Sunshine by John Murphy, began to play. It was perfect! I felt so much reassurance, so much peace. I felt grateful.
When I returned home, I greeted Joseph with a fresh excitement. "I have to tell you that you don't need to look for a second job, Everything is going to be alright. And if all else fails, I have some ideas of how I'll earn some money at home. I think we are going to witness some amazing things. Trust me on this."
He took a deep breath and looked at me hoping I was right. I hugged him tightly. "Hang in there," I said, "We got this. God is in charge and He won't let us fail in this endeavor because our hearts are in the right place, because we are doing all of this in the name of Christ and for the right reasons. He's got our back."
I never did regain any of my lost sleep throughout the day. But the experience of this morning was worth losing sleep over. I know just as sure as the sun rises every morning, my Father in Heaven is always there. Nothing compares to His power.
"...We know that there is a God in heaven, who is infinite and eternal, from everlasting to everlasting the same unchangeable God, the framer of heaven and earth, and all things which are in them." D&C 20:17
In my studies this morning, I came across this scripture I've just quoted. All day, I've been thinking about what a blessing it is to know that there is a God in Heaven and that He knows each and every one of us, that we are His literal spirit children, and that He is deeply and intimately involved in every detail of our lives. What comfort this gives in all our various struggles and trials we face.
It reminds me of a quote from Our Creator's Cosmos by Elder Neal A. Maxwell: "In the expansiveness of space, there is stunning personalness, for God knows and loves each of us! (see 1 Nephi 11:17). We are not ciphers in unexplained space! While the Psalmist’s query was, “What is man, that thou art mindful of him?” (Psalm 8:4), mankind is at the very center of God’s work. We are the sheep of His hand and the people of His pasture (see Psalms 79:13; 95:7; 100:3). His work includes our immortalization—accomplished by Christ’s glorious Atonement! Think of it, brothers and sisters, even with their extensive longevity, stars are not immortal, but you are."
There's a song I listen to on my Christian radio station. If you look up the lyrics, they might seem a little repetitive but honestly, I find them powerful. You can't help but rejoice when you sing these words over and over again.
"Into the darkness you shine out of the ashes we rise
there's no one like you, none like You!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger,
God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!...
...And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against."
Anyway, I look at Who we have constantly cheering us on and I can't help but think, "What is there to fear? He's got us! He has everything under control. He knows exactly what He's doing and He's doing amazing things with our lives we can't even begin to comprehend." I love this!
So.... today didn't happen exactly as we expected. Nothing usually does, right? But life goes on and things work out... They always do. That's my motto. At least I was able to get Kaylee to her date with daddy. Our car died right as I was driving away from his work. (It's the lemon... I mean car... we bought a few months ago and have already forked out $2,000 of repairs for.) We were lucky to break down where we did though because my husband was able to call his co-workers to help push the car over to a safe spot. Kaylee thought it was fun to ride in a car being pushed by a bunch of guys.. and even more fun to ride home in a tow truck. (So that was nice.) This is all such crazy timing. Why? Just last Saturday, our other vehicle blew a head gasket and the radiator cracked. Drawing from past experiences, whenever things have fallen apart like this all at once...it's usually been for a reason... If only we could see that it's not falling apart, it's falling into place. Really, this is when we ask ourselves, "What is there to learn?" We examine and make changes where needed and then trust that something amazing is about to happen. And we do believe great things will come out of this. Actually, we had been talking about needing a larger van for when the foster children come. Only, we weren't expecting to go shopping for one just yet. We need something that will seat at least eight people. My husband and I did a search for options tonight. (I think I got a little distracted.) These are my favorites...
This has a few more seats than needful but it's definitely perfect for scenic drives.
I think the big useless fin thingy on the front is a nice touch.
We could do a repo- limo like my cousin-in-law, Brynn, did. Their's came complete with "Support Our Troops" decals plastered all down the side. (The kids don't seem to mind.)
I admit this one isn't really space efficient but I have a feeling it would be time efficient. (wink wink)
If we got a large van, I think it would be cool to have it painted like this. I've always wanted a hippie van with daisies, why not make it The Mystery Machine...
Or maybe we could supe up our van like this? Yeah baby! Eat your heart out Bo and Luke Dukers!
Do you think this one fits eight people? (I'm guessing it fits nine.)
Anyway... I think we're onto some pretty dang good replacement options. :)
And I think we found what we're going to name our old car..
I've had some unbelievable experiences these past two years that are too sacred to share and too hard to explain, so I won't even attempt to. Everything has felt so condensed, so concentrated, so rapid.... So much has happened in such a short period of time...
I have felt like the "windows of heaven" have been opened as a flood, pulling me in like a riptide that's washing me out to sea...
It has been so overwhelming that I just haven't had "room enough to receive it".
Being overwhelmed like this, from experiencing things of a spiritual nature, so powerfully, so consistently, so frequent, in such a short amount of time, sounds like a pleasant and comfortable thing right? I mean, saying you've had the "windows of heaven" opened to you, one would think that all of this has been a joyful experience... it has... but...
Let me tell you, some of it has been excruciatingly painful and terribly, terribly lonely...
The only ones who have known my whole complete story through it all, who know me so well, has been the Lord and my husband.
Yesterday, I was weighed down with this loneliness. And I wondered if that's what Paul meant by "weight of glory"... to have miraculous things happen and not be able to really share them because of the sacredness of it... or the unbelief of others...
It is very, very heavy.
My husband gave me a beautiful priesthood blessing late last night and then held me tightly in his arms. I just wept and wept.
This morning in my scripture studies, I was searching for a verse to "ponderize" for the week. I've just finished reading about the Savior's visit to the Nephites where He pretty much teaches them the same thing He taught the people of Jerusalem in Matthew 5 - 7. Can you imagine what a spiritual experience that must have been to have Christ, Himself, teach and bless you face to face?? I'm sure it was beautiful, miraculous, powerful, and very, very overwhelming. Would that have been like "the windows of heaven" being opened without "room enough to receive it"?
I wonder how many people believed them when they went back to tell their friends about their experience... how many thought they were crazy? Depending on the responses (or lack of response) I imagine those who testified felt joy one moment and extreme pain the next.
But regardless of who believes... you know that there's more... that the story isn't over... there is more yet to be revealed. You know that someday you'll understand it all.
So you keep moving, you press on in faith, in confidence, and trust that what you've experienced is truly Divine... even if no one believes you... even if people think you're crazy... even if it's a terribly lonely, lonely way to go.
It doesn't matter... you will be prepared for tomorrow.
"Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and ponder upon the things which I have said, and ask the Father in my name, that ye may understand, and prepare your minds for the morrow, and I come unto you again." - 3 Nephi 17:3
-Alicia
“Two artists each painted a picture to illustrate his conception of rest. The first chose for his scene a still, lone lake among the far-off mountains. It was a serene and beautiful scene; yes, very calming, very restful to look at. But the second artist, on his canvas, wildly painted a thundering waterfall. You could almost hear the roaring of the water. But a closer look revealed a fragile birch tree bending over the mist of the roaring water. At the fork of the branch, wet with spray, there sat a robin on its nest.” -Henry Drummond
It is this second illustration that I find so intriguing and most easy to relate to:
This peace is something found in our Father in Heaven, in the sure knowledge of His power through Christ and the intimate involvement of Them in our lives manifested by the Spirit of God. This peace grows like a seed through a myriad of our own experiences and trials of faith over a life-time.
The beauty is discovered when we realize that such peace is not the absence of struggle, tension, opposition, or pain... rather it is a perfect calm in the midst of all these things. A perfect trust in our Father in Heaven that casts out any fear of what might or might not unfold tomorrow. It comes from knowing one's own intentions and knowing their path is aligned with God's. This peace is the fruit born out of those personal moments where we come to know for ourselves something of God's omnipotence, omniscience, and infinite love for us, where we come to know that He holds everything in His perfect hands.
It's strange how even in the midst of struggle or turmoil there is also a sense of joy, like a robin singing in its nest... not because everything is running smoothly or how we might expect it to, but because it is anchored in what really matters and trusts the Hand that governs such matters.
Through deep and regular prayer - day in and day out, through daily consistent and regular study of the scriptures, and through constant striving to apply God's word and seek His spirit, I have tasted of His love and awareness for me again, and again, and again.
This morning, I reviewed a few conference talks given a couple of weeks ago and feel as if this quote from Jeffery R. Holland is completely fitting for the subject of invulnerable faith: "[God's] love is the foundation stone of eternity, and it should be the foundation stone of our daily life. Indeed it is only with that reassurance burning in our soul that we can have the confidence to keep trying to improve, keep seeking forgiveness for our sins, and keep extending that grace to our neighbor. President George Q. Cannon once taught: “No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not His character [to do so]. … He will [always] stand by us. We may pass through the fiery furnace; we may pass through deep waters; but we shall not be consumed nor overwhelmed. We shall emerge from all these trials and difficulties the better and purer for them.” - Jeffrey R. Holland - Tomorrow the Lord will Do Wonders
As Henry Drummond so beautifully wrote, I also testify that "Rest... is the mind at leisure from itself. It is the perfect poise of the soul; the absolute adjustment of the inward man to the stress of all outward things; the preparedness against every emergency; the stability of assured convictions; the eternal calm of an invulnerable faith; the repose of a heart set deep in God. It is the mood of the man who says, with Browning, 'God's in His Heaven, all's well with the world.'"
And so... "Whatever tomorrow brings, together we'll rise and sing that we won't be shaken."
We had some great talks in Sacrament Meeting today. I wrote down all the verses, poems, and quotes that were shared by each speaker. My daughter is sick this Sunday... so after the meeting I stopped by home to check on her. I had a moment to grab her some soup, help her get comfortable, and then post the notes I took before heading out again to give a lesson in Young Women's. :)
- Alicia
Happy Sabbath!
1st Speaker -
“To love another person is to see the face of God.”
― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
"The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator." - Alma 30:44
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16
"If ye love me, keep my commandments." - John 14:15
2nd Speaker -
Under the stars we realize how small we are... and yet we are everything to Him.
“I know not by what method rare
But this I know, God answers prayer.
I know that he has given his Word
Which tells me prayer is always heard
And will be answered soon or late
And so I pray and calmly wait.
I know not if the blessing sought
Will come in just the way I thought
But leave my prayers with him alone
Whose will is wiser than my own
Assured that he will grant my quest
Or send some answer far more blessed.”
― Eliza M. Hickok (Read by, President Monson)
"O how great the goodness of our God, who prepareth a way for our escape from the grasp of this awful monster; yea, that monster, death and hell, which I call the death of the body, and also the death of the spirit." - 2 Nephi 9:10
"There is a simple cure for the terrible malady of forgetting God, His blessings, and His messages to us. Jesus Christ promised it to His disciples when He was about to be crucified, resurrected, and then taken away from them to ascend in glory to His Father. They were concerned to know how they would be able to endure when He was no longer with them. Here is the promise. It was fulfilled for them then. It can be fulfilled for all of us now: 'These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you. But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.' ( John 14:25–26)" - Elder Henry B. Eyring
"These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you. But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you." - John 15:9-13
(The brother who spoke quoted this portion of Elder Holland's talk)
"O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts aboveO to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above"
3rd Speaker -
"We love him, because he first loved us." -1 John 4:19
" I remember that thou hast said that thou hast loved the world, even unto the laying down of thy life for the world, that thou mightest take it again to prepare a place for the children of men. And now I know that this love which thou hast had for the children of men is charity; wherefore, except men shall have charity they cannot inherit that place which thou hast prepared in the mansions of thy Father." - Ether 12:33-34
"Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God" - 1 John 5:1-3
(She shared three thoughts from this verse)
1. First we must seek to love God
2. We seek to love everyone around us with this purest love.
3. We show our love by keeping His commandments.
4th Speaker -
How do we feel God's love? We must first believe!
The first principle of the Gospel is faith.
" I feel my Savior's love
In all the world around me.
His Spirit warms my soul
Through ev'rything I see.
I feel my Savior's love;
Its gentleness enfolds me,
And when I kneel to pray,
My heart is filled with peace.
I feel my Savior's love
And know that he will bless me.
I offer him my heart;
My shepherd he will be.
I'll share my Savior's love
By serving others freely.
In serving I am blessed.
In giving I receive.
He knows I will follow him,
Give all my life to him.
I feel my Savior's love,
The love he freely gives me."
- Children's songbook pg. 74
My father and I had the experience of "sharing the Savior's love" to a woman from my ward. We were her hometeachers. She was a widow with four children. When her kids grew older, her first daughter passed away. She lived in a humble house with no heating. We would chop wood for her and visit with her. It was a wonderful experience helping this sweet woman and we felt our Savior's love for her as we served her.
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13
"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me....Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me Enough to die for me! Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!" - Hymn 193
"I’m confident that there is no choice, sin, or mistake that you or anyone else can make that will change [Our Father in Heaven's] love for you or for them. That does not mean He excuses or condones sinful conduct—I’m sure He does not—but it does mean we are to reach out to our fellowman in love..." - Elder Ronald A. Rasband
I had the opportunity to talk with a young woman from my ward this morning who will be moving away soon. She told me how much she doesn't want to leave and how frightened she is to start over. "Change can be so hard." I related to her as I remembered June of 1990 - It was the first time I had ever moved to a new place. I was terrified. But looking back, it ended up being a huge blessing. It lead me to the right seminary teachers, the right young women's leaders, the right friends, the right everything that I needed as an anchor through some of the most difficult and stormy days I would face in my family. The Lord knew the best place for me to be.
I could see the worry on my young friend's face as I looked her in the eyes.
"Can I show you something?" I asked.
She nodded approvingly.
I opened up the Old Testament and pointed to this verse: "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy."- Psalms 126:5
She read the words and looked back at me waiting for an explanation.
"Whenever I've reached different crossroads or approached big changes in my life... almost everything I was worried about never ended up happening or it never turned out as bad as I thought it would. In fact, some of the most beautiful things in my 'garden of life' have come from those things that brought the most pain and I'm actually grateful for them now. Like rain is to soil, any tears you cry will help seeds of joy to eventually grow."
She swallowed back the emotions beginning to surface and nodded again. I could see she wanted to believe it.
I hugged her with assurance, letting her know of good things to come. I testified of the Lord's love and guidance.
"Joy"- That's where I started my studies off this morning. It lead me to some verses in the New Testament which I think will be the ones I ponderize this week:
"For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:6-10
I searched through some talks related to this scripture and found an excellent one given in October of 2002 by, Neal A. Maxwell. (I highly recommend listening to the entire sermon, it's beautiful!)
"Regarding trials, including of our faith and patience, there are no exemptions—only variations (see Mosiah 23:21). These calisthenics are designed to increase our capacity for happiness and service. Yet the faithful will not be totally immune from the events on this planet. Thus the courageous attitudes of imperiled Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego are worthy of emulation. They knew that God could rescue them. “But if not,” they vowed, they would still serve God anyway (see Dan. 3:16–18). Similarly, keeping the unfashionable but imperative first and seventh commandments can reflect the courage which three young women displayed anciently; they said no with their lives (see Abr. 1:11). Therefore, we can be troubled on every side, but nothing can really separate us from the love of Christ (see 2 Cor. 4:8; Rom. 8:35–39); worldly anxieties are not part of being 'anxiously engaged' (D&C 58:27). Even so, as Peter urged, we can and should cast our cares upon the Lord, because He surely cares for us! (see 1 Pet. 5:7). Oh, brothers and sisters, the awaiting emancipation of such trusting surrender!" - Neal A. Maxwell Encircled in the Arms of His Love
Yesterday, I spent some time again listening to "God is the Gardner." Whenever I struggle to understand the moments in life that "cut me back" or cause my heart to ache, I appreciate the truths found in these words:
"God is aware of you individually. He knows who you are and what you are, and, furthermore, He knows what you are capable of becoming. Be not discouraged, then, if you do not get all the things you want just when you want them. Have the courage to go on and face your life and, if necessary, reverse it to bring it into harmony with His law... someday, when you are ripened in life, you are going to shout back across the time and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’"
As I walked up to campus this afternoon, I scrolled through my Spotify songs to select a new favorite called, "The Unmaking". Listening to the lyrics, I couldn't help reflect on Hugh B. Brown's talk. I felt the words to this song fit the principle of trusting in God's bigger picture.
I can't deny the hurt associated with being "cut down" or held back especially when it feels as if it goes against everything in my nature. Denying such pain would be lying to myself. Maybe I held my dreams too tightly? (or at least my interpretation of them...) Maybe as I stand back and lift my hands in surrender, my Father in Heaven will show me things I couldn't see before... At the ending is also a new beginning... and I'm learning that true beauty is found in the breaking.
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing" - Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4-5
God has His purposes and His seasons... and I trust Him, so I won't complain. I praise Him for His infinite wisdom, even when it hurts.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” - C.S. Lewis
-Alicia Trying to be Good
Three days out of the week I have the privilege of walking from my home up to BYU's campus to attend my American Heritage class. As I walk the seven blocks to the bottom of the hill and pass the rows of apartments and houses, one by one students will emerge from the various doorways and head north on the parallel streets. At first it seems like there is only four, maybe five of us in view but then as the bottom of the hill draws nearer, the number is closer to fifteen or twenty students coming from all directions. I commence my way on the steep path, the buildings from campus rise into sight there is now one long stream of students filling the walkway in front of me and behind me, forty or fifty. When I reach the crest of the hill and pass through the first row of buildings, suddenly I'm in a sea of thousands of students. It's glorious! Each day I experience this, I think of a story I heard from a devotional and how the vision of one young man helped turn the tide of despair and restore the hope of the BYU dream.
By 1913, a new wave of financial problems was threatening the university’s future. BYU faced mounting debt. Faculty salaries were so low the teachers ran farms to survive, returning home to irrigate between classes. Its cornerstone laid in 1907, the Maeser Memorial Building sat silent and unfinished for years. Finally, it seemed, the only way to finance its completion was to divide the land on Temple Hill into housing lots and sell them. A student named Alfred Kelly was selected to promote this idea during a commencement speech, but the assignment troubled him. Early one morning he walked to the top of Temple Hill to pray. What he saw that morning as he looked out across the valley left an unforgettable impression upon all who heard him relate it the day of his address, because what Kelly saw was you. “Gradually the morning light advanced across the valley floor toward the spot where I stood. I closed my eyes partially to the advancing light and was startled by the strange vision that seemed to appear before me. The advancing sunlight took on the appearance of people, thousands of young people who approached me, their arms laden with books. I turned around to find the area behind me illuminated as well. In that light I saw hundreds of buildings, large and beautiful temples of learning. Those young people passed by me and entered in. Then, with cheerfulness and confidence, they turned toward the east and lifted their eyes heavenward, where, again becoming part of the sunlight, they gradually disappeared from my view.” Kelly sat down to a stunned silence. Suddenly Jesse Knight leaped to his feet, pledging several thousand dollars to BYU. Others followed suit. Eventually, under the direction of President Joseph F. Smith, the Church assumed the school’s remaining debt. Finally, the future of the university had become secure. The Lord evidently had a plan for the ground the campus now occupies—as He always had for BYU. He would not let even its leaders prevent its divine destiny. Such divine intervention on the things that matter most to the Lord is a comfort to me, knowing He can intervene to correct my lapses in judgment or vision. - (A House of Dreams - John S. Tanner)
What young Alfred Kelly experienced that morning was nothing short of prophecy. It gave the people something to hold on to, to believe in when everything in the moment seemed hopelessly lost.
In this devotional Brother Tanner also tells of a vision Karl G. Maeser had that too was prophetic. It came just after his darkest moment when he was ready to quit the cause:
Maeser said, “I am worn out and sick in spirit, . . . and with all my love for this Academy, I feel that I owe it to my very life, which is needlessly wearing itself out here in an apparently hopeless task, to accept any change that will promise me opportunities for permanent usefulness.” He contemplated moving his family and taking a job at the University of Deseret (which is now University of Utah). His daughter one day asked when the move would take place and he responded, “I have changed my mind. I have had a dream—I have seen Temple Hill filled with buildings—great temples of learning, and I have decided to remain and do my part.”**
Maybe I'm a dreamer... but when the clouds of gloom hang drearily over our heads and it feels as if the end of struggle is nowhere in sight, when we are worn and beaten down from the tasks that surround us, we can learn from these stories of the past and remember that it's always darkest just before the dawn. God sees the bigger picture of our lives.... and I promise it is full of glory, purpose, and Divine mission.
I'm a little late in posting my Ponderize scripture again but trust me, I've been thinking of this one since Sunday. Sometimes through prayer and fasting, the Lord gives you certain verses that apply so perfectly to your life and mission. The verses become treasures in your heart and you draw upon them again and again. The entire section of D&C 6 has become quite meaningful to me for several months now because it came after "much fasting and prayer" at just the right moment in my life.
This whole week I've been thinking of these verses: "Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.... I say unto you , if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" - D&C 6: 15, 22-23
-Alicia
"The Lord seeth fit to chasten His people; yea, He trieth their patience and their faith."
- Mosiah 23:21
This is where I am in my personal study of the Book of Mormon right now. My goal is to finish the whole book before the first of June. I'm a little hung up because I feel like I've circled around this verse over and over for the last several days like a hawk anxious to devour that one word I desire so greatly. I can't really say it has slowed my progress in my scripture study because it's led me to search out more scriptures and words of the prophets that relate to patience.
As a result, this BYU speech from Neal A. Maxwell has been on repeat all week for me.
We learn in Romans 5 that "tribulation worketh patience."
Go look up tribulation in a thesaurus and tell me if that's something you want?
(adversity, grief, heartache, burden, persecution, sorrow, suffering, trial, affliction, and more)
But it says right there in the scriptures that these are the very things that "worketh patience."
These tribulations come into each of our lives in various ways. We all have them but they take different forms. They break us and bring us to our knees causing us to "seek the face of the Lord".... for it is only in Him we find peace and strength beyond our own.
Let's go back to Romans 5:3,4 and take a closer look: "we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;and patience, experience; and experience, hope"
I can't help but notice that "work" and "experience" are in the same sentence and when I see that, I envision some sort of Godly resume. "What is your 'work experience?' What skills have you acquired through your opportunities to practice? How much training have you had?"
The answer may go something like this:
"Well, Father, every time I have come against some sort of tribulation, be it grief, heartache, sorrow, burden, persecution, or suffering of any kind... I have sought Thy face through deep and sincere prayer. through fasting, through searching Thy word. I have learned of the Savior, that He has experienced this exact same thing, that He understands completely, that He is mighty to save and will help me and make me stronger through it all. I have come to know something of His omniscience. As I look back on all of the other trials of my past, I can see so clearly that He knew what was best and that His timing was perfect, absolutely perfect. I've had opportunities to 'lose myself' to evaluate my motives and see where I have been selfish and correct that. Most of all, I have come to feel of Your love, Your grace. I've witnessed how personal and involved You have always been in my life and it has caused me to want to be more personal and involved with those who I have committed to love. THIS has been my experience time and time again... and I have hope... I am filled with hope! Because of these things, my faith has grown, deeper, taller, and stronger... Because of Thee, I can be patient in any circumstance."
In other words, Romans 5:1-6 is a cyclical ascending pattern:
Tribulation >> Seek the Lord in faith >> experience (and everything that entails) >> Greater faith and awareness of His grace >> Hope >> Patience >> Tribulation
" In your patience possess ye your souls." - Luke 21:19 "Those with true hope often see their personal circumstances shaken, like kaleidoscopes, again and again. Yet with the “eye of faith,” they still see divine pattern and purpose (Alma 5:15)." - Neal A. Maxwell - A Perfect Brightness of Hope
I know that God sees the bigger picture. His plan is perfect and He knows what is best for me at just the right moment, at just the right time in my life. It's all about the experience.
