Overcoming the World

"Behold [the author of all sin] had got great hold upon the hearts of the Nephites; yea, inosomuch that they had become exceedingly wicked; yea, the more part of them had turned out of the way of righteousness, and did trample under their feet the commandments of God, and did turn unto their own ways, and did build up unto themeselves idols of their gold and their silver." - Heleman 6:31

What causes people who were once enlightened by the Spirit of God to let the adversary gain such a great hold on them? 

In the verse quoted above it says that the Nephites "turned out of the way of righteousness...and did turn unto their own ways."  I think that's the root of the problem, they began to turn more inward, more selfish, more concerned about building up themselves than building up the kingdom of God.

So, how do we build God's kingdom here on earth? How do we stay focused on what matters most? How do we overcome the pride, the selfishness, and the arrogance that plagues so many? Elder Neil L. Andersen taught in this last conference, "Overcoming the world is not one defining moment in a lifetime, but a lifetime of moments that define an eternity."

If we examine our every-day choices, even the ones that look good on the outside, we must ask ourselves, "Where is my heart? What is my sincere motivation in doing this?" I think then we will begin to discover which direction our hearts are turned.

"The meek are able with regularity to peel off the encrustations of ego that form on one’s soul like barnacles on a ship." - Neal A. Maxwell (Meekly Drenched in Destiny)

Elder Andersen stated that "Those who overcome the world develop an all-encompassing love for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ... Overcoming the world means turning ourselves outward, remembering the second commandment: 'He that is greatest among you shall be your servant.'"

Our "turning" pivots on simple every-day choices, seemingly small things that seep into our lives and distract us from the right focus - Social media is one example. It's a great tool to connect with people, to offer encouragement, and to bear testimony of the Gospel....  but it can also become a terrible distraction, a vacuum that sucks a person's view into a narrow little hole of self-centeredness. It all depends on our motives. Are we out there for gain or for God?

"A disciple of Christ is not alarmed if a post about her faith does not receive 1,000 likes or even a few friendly emojis. Overcoming the world is being less concerned with our online connections and more concerned with our heavenly connection to God." - Neil L. Andersen

Online or in person, I believe the more we focus on our personal gain, popularity, or prestige- the more arrogant we become. A life without the Savior, the true vine, causes our Divine beauty to dry up and wither. But on the flip-side, the more our hearts are turned to our Father in Heaven, the more sincerely we are focused on the Savior, the more we lose ourselves, the more confident we become - and we blossom and grow into radiant humble disciples of Christ.

-Alicia

"He Knows My Name"

I don't need my name in lights

I'm famous in my Father's eyes

Make no mistake

He knows my name

I'm not living for applause

I'm already so adored

It's all His stage

He knows my name

I'm not meant to just stay quiet

I'm meant to be a lion

I'll roar beyond a song

With every moment that I've got

True to who You are

You saw my heart

and made

Something out of nothing

It Only Takes A Spark

Okay, I've got to be better at posting the positive things that I get to witness as a foster parent.  This is one of them!

 I actually think this it's the first he has ever crafted or made something in his entire ten (almost eleven) years of life. I mean, outside of any kind of crafty activities he has done in public school, I think this is the actual first time my foster son has crafted his own toy.  

When he first moved here four-and-a-half months ago, he would get extremely jealous of Micah and all his creations. My foster son would make insulting remarks about his own ability and throw the tools down muttering, "I suck at this. This is stupid. I don't know how to do anything." Of course I'd try to persuade him that none of those negative comments were true but he'd stomp off and absolutely  refuse to listen. I guess after a decade of being babysat 24/7 by video games and television, anyone's self-esteem is bound to struggle. 

This is just a little wooden home he made from an old torn-apart bird house.  On the right is a little traveling box he painted for his two Playmobile guys.  I also showed my foster son how to use my wood-burning tool, which he loved.  It's great to see him discover the fun he can have away from a screen in his face.  He played with this for several hours with Micah. 

Of course, Micah created his own hut too and made a campfire out of paper and markers. It was the perfect place for their Playmobile guys to hang out.

My foster son was so proud of what he made that the next day he took his little wooden house with him to his parent visit to show his mom.  It's so great to see him get a spark of confidence. And that's all it really takes.

-Alicia

"And Mary said..." - Ponderize - Week 61

In our church, we use the phrase "magnify the Lord in your calling" quite a bit.  I've been thinking what it means to magnify the Lord.  All too often, we might think this means exhausting ourselves to do more, be more, to run "faster than we have strength" in order to magnify our calling but we forget "the Lord" part.

In Luke 1:46, Mary, the mother of Christ said, "My soul doth magnify the Lord."

What does it mean to magnify something? It means to increase, extend, expand, intensify. 

If it is the Lord that is the one that is magnified first in our heart and mind then He becomes bigger, stronger, more powerful than the other things that may try to consume us... like our fears, our weaknesses, our anxieties, our doubts, and even our foolish pride.  

The problems and struggles we face may seem Goliath in size, but when our soul magnifies the Lord,  we see that God is bigger than any obstacle. With this knowledge, we can do as David did: We will "hasten and [run] toward" those giants, with full confidence that we "come to [our problems] in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel" so "that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel." (1 Samuel 17:45, 46 & 48)

Through a vision that daily recognizes and embraces the all-consuming presence and power of God, we see that God is greater, He's stronger, He is more powerful than any troubles we face, and we will come off conquerors!! With God, we need not fear.   

-Alicia

Magnify

by, We Are Messengers

In Our Wilderness

23 more days until our last one living here and we have to be out.  We still don't know where we're moving to.  We looked at a home that is very close in our neighborhood and were excited for all the possibilities.  It had 5 bedrooms + a two bedroom mother-in-law apartment we could rent out to help with our mortgage payments.

Joseph and I went to the temple early morning yesterday before we made an offer and both felt very strongly that we needed to contact a couple of people.  We called our two friends and they both spent over a couple hours with us at the house.  My friend, Shelley, is going to be our agent and she made a lot of phone calls to the city while we were touring the place for the second and third time.  She discovered that the mother-in-law apartment the people had there is totally illegal and that the whole thing has been in open investigation for some time... Instead of it being an asset it would have been a huge liability.  Our friend, Ben, who is very experienced with home building, was able to show us other warning signs our untrained eyes couldn't see before.  It really was a blessing and we know the Lord was looking out for us by giving us inspiration to call these two.

It looks like we might have to live out of a storage unit for a while.  My friend, Shelley, graciously offered her RV and we may just take her up on that.  Who knows... turn this into a little "vacation".  It will be an adventure for sure!!

 I'm so thankful for the comforting words of the scriptures as we journey into "our wilderness". My husband's best friend keeps telling our family that he really feels God will "part the Red Sea" for us. Even though, we don't know where "our promised land" will be. The Israelites wandered for 40 years. I can be grateful in knowing it won't take us that long to "find the place which God for us prepared". Like Moses and Lehi in the wilderness; I truly believe in miracles and marvelous manifestations of God. I know without a shadow of doubt that His hand is in the very details of our lives and as we seek Him, He will lead us right. I know it!

"Never be weary of good works... be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls... Learn wisdom... Keep the Commandments... Cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord... Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and He will direct thee for good... Let thy heart be full of thanks unto God. And behold, [the Liahona] was prepared to show unto our fathers the course which they should travel in the wilderness. And it did work for them according to their faith in God; therefore, if they had faith to believe that God could cause that those spindles should point the way they should go behold, it was done; therefore they had this miracle, and many other miracles wrought by the power of God, day by day." - Alma 37:34-40

"We were moving mountains long before we knew we could... 

There can be miracles when you believe."

-Alicia

Not letting go!

I can't sleep. Normally, sleep is never an issue for me.  I must be having such a hard time with this move.  I so desperately do not want to leave this place that I love so very, very much!

We've decided that we don't want to rent anymore, we just want our own home.  If we do rent again, it could only be for a very short time, a month-to-month, because we are anxious to have a permanent place for our foster children.  Any kind of move would mean they would be absorbed back into the hands of others in the foster community until we had a home that has been officially evaluated and meets State regulations for being foster ready. (A process which can take several weeks maybe months.) We've decided that foster care will have to be on hold until we find a permanent place to avoid any additional disruption in these children's lives.  But foster kids or not, it's just a massive hassle to move from here to a temporary location, only to move again.

My husband and I have lived five other places since we were first married... it's been so nice to stay here as long as we have.  If it weren't for the struggles we've had with our landlady, we could live here forever.

Saturday evening we spent a lot of time searching online for homes, condos, or town-homes (anything a little larger than what we have here).  We won't give up the search but it seems that nothing large enough for our family is under $200K in our ward. We had a special fast as a family yesterday, even our friends, the Wilsons, fasted together for us. My friend, Carol, called me and advised me to stay close to the Spirit and to not narrow my options to just this ward or Stake but to seek first where the Lord would have us be.  She is a wise woman and I'm so glad for the day I miraculously met her.  We will have no problems staying in close touch.

Yesterday in church, we had so many friends offer to help us and I kept feeling this mixture of gratitude, joy, pain, sorrow, and loss.  One moment I'd be smiling and the next I'd have tears streaming down my face.

I want to do all I can to stay connected to this place I call home.  The visits may be fewer and farther between but I could never leave this beautiful place completely: No, not after what I've experienced and not after the dreams I've had.   To disconnect completely would be too much for my soul to bear.  This will be tough no matter what but I can see myself dancing my way through it. ;) I pray there will be lots of dances.  This place I call home has changed my life, my whole world, everything!!  It cannot be forgotten.  It has "awakened me out of a deep sleep".  It helped me remember my mission, my dreams, and all I want to become.  I am forever grateful!

I will continue on with BYU: I will not let go and I'll continue to reach for my dream that I've had for so many years of being an inspiring writer and speaker.  Down the road, I can envision myself taking my words and using them as a tool to be a powerful advocate, a voice for the importance of the family, especially for children, for foster children, and defender of the sanctity of life.  I am confident that my experiences in the future with both formal education and fostering will help to make my voice heard loud and clear in the courthouses, in the schools, and in the communities.  There are many good things to come.
Just watch and see....
I'm gonna Carpe this Diem!!!

-Alicia :)

.

Just Keep Swimming!

Lately, Joseph has voiced very openly his desire to move to a new place.  Ever since our landlord passed away and his wife took on the responsibility of the apartments, things just haven't been the same.  Her husband was so sweet, so wonderful at communicating, he loved children and was very easy to work with.  She is the complete and total opposite!

Yesterday, Joseph was on the phone with our landlady trying to iron out our new contract she just put us under.  After an hour of exhausting conversation and nothing being resolved, she finally let him go.  Poor Joseph woke up terribly depressed this morning, the most depressed I've seen in a long time.  My heart goes out to him and I wish so much there was more I could do to ease his burdens.  As a provider, he feels trapped.  He wants to move into a house but he says it could never fit into our budget.  He's already terribly stressed about having to rearrange our budget for our new van and my schooling.  The adversary is working hard on him.  He says he has felt numb toward everything for several weeks now. Each day, after work he's so overwhelmed that all he can do is lay on the bed and sleep for several hours.  I keep thinking of the foster children who will be coming and pray with all my heart that this won't be too much for him.

I really believe we're going to be alright.  The Lord knows we are giving everything we've got. We will be guided to where we need to be and what we need to do.  I'm confident that everything will work out... it always does.  "Just keep swimming!"

-Alicia

Ground Control to Major Tom

 "I wanted to tell you, that song 'Major Tom'... 

That song is about courage and going into the unknown. It's a cool song." 

- Cheryl Melhoff

I love the movie Walter Mitty with Ben Stiller.  There's something so familiar to me about how Cheryl's influence transforms Walter.  She awakens him to everything his soul has ever wanted to be.  Because of her confidence in him, his heart burns with a new-found courage to step out into the unknown, run after his dreams and jump with both feet into a world of endless possibilities.

There are so many changes ahead, we really don't know what to expect but we're determined to be ready for whatever comes our way!

We just purchased this new van...  and guess what I've named him??
It's going to take a couple of months for the specialized license plate to be made but I'm super excited.

It's a twelve-seater.  It will be perfect for when we get our two foster children with plenty of room to spare.  It was $20,000 with only 7,000 miles! We took it to two different mechanics before we purchased and they both said the engine was brand-spankin' new!  We feel very fortunate to have found it.  We were very prayerful and spent a lot of time searching and waiting for the right vehicle.  One of the selling points for us was to buy something that would not only bless our family in need but would aslo be a tool for serving and helping others.  I know it will be.

I really like the name, "Major Tom".  It makes me think of the movie, Mitty, and the power of Cheryl's influence.  Plus, it kinda looks like a space shuttle (if you squint).

"Commencing countdown, 

Engines on

Check ignition 

And may God's love be with you"

-Alicia

Reaching for the Stars!

Oh, Thank Heaven - Ponderize - Week 39

Yesterday, my husband and I rode his motorcycle to attend a family meeting with my father-in-law and all the adults.  When we arrived, it took a moment to adjust because my entire face and arms were numb from flapping in the wind at 80 mph for an entire hour. That's the furthest I've ever ridden with him.  

I love that my father-in-law does these meetings a couple times a year, that he recognizes his stewardship continues in many ways even though his children are grown.  At these meetings, he shares insights and lessons, gives counsel/ warnings, and bears testimony of the power of the Priesthood in our lives (both men and women).  Last night, he bore testimony of the ability we have to call on the powers of heaven, that God hears our prayers, and that no matter the difficulties we face in the future we can count on a sure knowledge that by faith, miracles happen!

After the meeting was over, we visited with one another for almost another two hours.  A couple of times, I looked around the room and was filled with gratitude for such an amazing family.  How I love these people!  I had a great conversation with my niece, Morgan.  She's back home after being away at college for a few years and it was so awesome to see how much she's matured.  She's just one of the adults now.

We left my father-in-law's home around 10:30.  I hopped on the bike with Joseph and before we entered the freeway I noticed the 7-11 sign, "Oh thank heaven!"
"Yeah" I thought.  I began to list the incredible blessings in my life:
The blessing of having an abundance of everything I need to stay alive.
The blessing of having four outstanding, creative, talented, beautiful, fun, and big-hearted children.
The blessing of holding on to my husband and knowing that we can get through anything together.
The blessing of knowing without any doubt that God is real, that He loves me, that He knows me, that He hears my every prayer, every longing, every desire of my heart, and that He's working things out in His timing for my good.
The blessing of knowing that no matter what happens in life, no matter the difficulties we might face now or in the future, we can call down heaven, and it will be alright.
My eyes began to fill with tears as my mind flooded with thoughts of every blessing, big and small, even the ones that have come through heartache and sorrow. I looked up at the stars and whispered a grateful "Thank You."

Riding late at night on the interstate at 80 mph with helmets as our only protective gear, caused my mind to drift to a few other thoughts.  "What if something went wrong right now? What if we hit a break in the road or had to suddenly dodge some debris? What if something happened that took both our lives right this very moment?  How exposed we are!  How vulnerable we are in this current situation!"  I held tightly to my husband's waist, the opposing force of the wind almost made my neck tired.  But I felt an awesome sensation.  I felt complete peace and totally calm! "What if it were my time, right now?" Without hesitation my whole soul answered, "I'd thank God for everything. What a ride it has been!"  I closed my eyes and the rushing speed of wind pulling on my body no longer felt like opposition but like a thousand angels surrounding me, enveloping me in a cloak of heavenly power and glory.

This morning, I read the verse where King Benjamin exhorts his people in Mosiah 2:19, "If I who ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your heavenly King!" I thought of my experience on the motorcycle last night and the sensation of being embraced by a thousand angels.  I cross-referenced to several verses about gratitude and found a song that David wrote in Psalms 34:1-4.

You gotta love David, this is a guy who knows how to speak my language. :)

"I will bless the Lord at all times: 

His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul shall make her boast in the Lord: 

The humble shall hear thereof, and be glad.

O magnify the Lord with me, 

and let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he heard me, 

and delivered me from all my fears."

-Alicia

"Oh, The Places We'll Go"

“You won't lag behind,
because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang
and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly,
you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go,
you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!

Through all of our foster training we've been able to get more of an idea of what we're up against and what will be required of us as individuals and as a family. This is not a small task and it will require all our diligence, all our patience, all our strength, all our energy, and all our love.   I admit that it's kind of frightening.  We don't feel cut out for it and it seems that's exactly what the Adversary wants us to keep feeling: doubt, discouragement, fear, insecurity.

On top of this... It seems that in these last few days all hell has combined to stir up contention among our children.  They have been at each other's throats and my husband and I have been beside ourselves in knowing how to calm them.  It's been discouraging because circumstances like these cause us both to question our ability to handle the additional stresses that will come with foster parenting.  Maybe our children are feeling nervous about the adjustments that will come with this brand new life too and they've just had trouble identifying and expressing such fears?  I don't blame them.  This is huge!!

“And when you're alone there's a very good chance

you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,

that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.” 

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!

The specific trials that lie ahead are unknown to us and it doesn't do any good speculating how we will handle them.  The truth is, we are sure in our decision and we're not backing down, no matter how much the adversary tries to thwart our resolve.  After our family prayer this morning, we discussed how clearly our mission to foster children unfolded before us and we both bore testimony without any doubt that it's what we need to do despite all the opposition.

In my personal scripture study, I just finished reading about the story of the Jaredites.  They embarked on an unknown journey to a place they'd never been before, launching into the vast and open sea, "commending themselves unto the Lord their God" (Ether 6:4) They faced opposing forces on every hand and it took an immense amount of faith... but look at where it led them... to the promised land!

I like how Moroni inserts his testimony in this record, "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6)

Our faith will certainly be on trial... It will be tried and tested in ways we can't comprehend but it will bring about great things! We are confident of that even though "We don't feel ready, We don't feel steady, [and we] Question all we really have to give..."

The truth still remains the same...

"A little somethin' Might feel like nothin' But in His hands it's all we'll ever need
To speak life to the broken Watch the blind eyes open
It's who He's calling you and me To be
It's time to get our hands dirty
Be love... there's a whole lot of hurting
Calling all hearts Calling all hands Calling all feet to take a stand
Why sit around and wait for a miracle to come
when we can be one"
- Natalie Grant - Be One - 

It will all work out.  We're going to give it our very best.  The Lord is guiding our journey... and... Oh, the places we'll go!!

"[We]'re off to Great Places!

Today is [our] day!

Our mountain is waiting.

So...[we're] on [our] way!” 

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!

-Alicia :)
The Future is as Bright as Your Faith - President Thomas S. Monson
To The Rescue
I Was a Stranger

"Understand and Prepare" - Ponderize - Week 32

I've had some unbelievable experiences these past two years that are too sacred to share and too hard to explain, so I won't even attempt to.  Everything has felt so condensed, so concentrated, so rapid.... So much has happened in such a short period of time...
I have felt like the "windows of heaven" have been opened as a flood, pulling me in like a riptide that's washing me out to sea...
It has been so overwhelming that I just haven't had "room enough to receive it".

Being overwhelmed like this, from experiencing things of a spiritual nature, so powerfully, so consistently, so frequent, in such a short amount of time, sounds like a pleasant and comfortable thing right?  I mean, saying  you've had the "windows of heaven" opened to you, one would think that all of this has been a joyful experience... it has... but...
Let me tell you, some of it has been excruciatingly painful and terribly, terribly lonely...
The only ones who have known my whole complete story through it all, who know me so well, has been the Lord and my husband.
Yesterday, I was weighed down with this loneliness.  And I wondered if that's what Paul meant by "weight of glory"... to have miraculous things happen and not be able to really share them because of the sacredness of it... or the unbelief of others...
It is very, very heavy.

My husband gave me a beautiful priesthood blessing late last night and then held me tightly in his arms.  I just wept and wept.

This morning in my scripture studies, I was searching for a verse to "ponderize" for the week.  I've just finished reading about the Savior's visit to the Nephites where He pretty much teaches them the same thing He taught the people of Jerusalem in Matthew 5 - 7.  Can you imagine what a spiritual experience that must have been to have Christ, Himself, teach and bless you face to face??  I'm sure it was beautiful, miraculous, powerful, and very, very overwhelming.  Would that have been like "the windows of heaven" being opened without "room enough to receive it"?

I wonder how many people believed them when they went back to tell their friends about their experience... how many thought they were crazy?  Depending on the responses (or lack of response) I imagine those who testified felt joy one moment and extreme pain the next.
But regardless of who believes... you know that there's more... that the story isn't over... there is more yet to be revealed.  You know that someday you'll understand it all.
So you keep moving, you press on in faith, in confidence, and trust that what you've experienced is truly Divine... even if no one believes you... even if people think you're crazy... even if it's a terribly lonely, lonely way to go.
It doesn't matter...  you will be prepared for tomorrow.

"Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and ponder upon the things which I have said, and ask the Father in my name, that ye may understand, and prepare your minds for the morrow, and I come unto you again." - 3 Nephi 17:3

-Alicia

Solid Ground

There's this new Christian song I discovered a couple of weeks ago.  Kaylee has heard me play it on a few occasions and now wants to listen to it all the time.  I don't know how much she pays attention to the lyrics but I'm sure the beat is irresistible for her.  Somehow, I hope the words to the song are making an impression too.

I just feel like she's growing up in a world that's plagued with a rampant identity crisis. We're a social media society... No need to be hired by Hollywood anymore, now we can make ourselves the center of attention with the click of a button.  (Don't get me wrong, receiving a little attention isn't bad but I think we need to strictly guard our intent behind it.)  It's so easy to get lost in the endless competition to be one step ahead of the next person, to compare and measure our worth based on the reactions or non-reaction of others.  It's so volatile!! If we aren't careful, we can quickly be sucked into an insatiable hunger for praise and popularity, a lifestyle of endless consumption... and to what end?

I'll admit that I'm not immune to it. I lose sense of my identity too. I've never understood all the hype about manicures, fashionable purses, or matching shoes.... but truth be told, my weak point is make-up.  I've become so dependent on it that I just don't feel beautiful without it.  But whose definition of beauty am I going off of?  It's certainly not God's.

 According to the world's definition, Jesus Christ was not attractive.  Isaiah 53:2 says:
"For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him."

Clearly, the opinion of mainstream's societal vogue is void of authenticity.

The T.A. for my lab class shared this comic strip with us today and it kind-of fits in the context of this post. It just shows how much our identity is horribly tangled up with consumerism.

In Elder Hallstrom's talk from April's 2016's General Conference, he stresses the importance of having a solid understanding of our true identity. "It's foundational" he says... and  he asks the question for today's troubled world, "Who do we lean on for repose?" Do we lean on social acceptance, peer approval, or popular vote?  The constant shifting fads and trends have no capacity to give us a steady footing of who we really are.

When I lose focus of who I truly am and get caught up in the anxieties of modern media, when I'm  feeling discouraged for not measuring up to the latest and greatest,  I'm thankful for songs like this that play in my home.  I know I feel better for listening to these truths.  I hope my girls are listening too.

-Alicia

"Can't Be Moved"
by, Jeremy Camp

I can’t lean on the earthly things
‘Cause it’s broke and gonna fade
And I can’t stand on the dirt below
‘Cause this dust gonna blow away
You say, hey now, follow Me, gonna go to the promise land
You say, hey child, don’t forget that the Lord is coming back

When everything in this world is falling
We have a Kingdom that can’t be moved
People get ready Heaven is a calling
We have a Kingdom that can’t be, that can’t be moved

When the waters rise, don’t be surprised
When the force tries to pull you in
We’ll be found on the solid ground
Won’t be no slave to sin

You say, hey now, trumpet sound, all the saints gonna board the train
You say, hey child, don’t you fear, what’s dead’s gonna rise again

Truth be told, silver and gold ain’t where my treasure’s found
So when I die, gonna open my eyes with a different kind of crown

Something Out of Nothing

After experiencing the presence of God and then being left to himself, Moses realized that "man is nothing." - Moses 1:9-10
Other great prophets recognized this truth;
Mormon said, "O how great is the nothingness of the children of men." - Helaman 12:7
King Benjamin counseled, " I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness" - Mosiah 4:11

So when I say that I am nothing, I'm not trying to put myself down... I'm just stating a simple fact.  Paul taught that the only thing that can transform me into something is charity, the pure love of Christ.  In 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 He says that even if I can speak a ton of languages including the language of angels, even if I had so many gifts and talents or had the faith to move mountains, even if I gave myself as a martyr, I'd still be nothing if I didn't have God's love.

Just a little over seven years ago, when our little family was facing a great financial deficit, I went to the temple in the spirit of fasting and prayer.  There I saw myself on a hillside among the 5,000 people whom Christ fed with just a couple fish and a few loaves of bread.  When the basket got to me, I began to argue, "There isn't enough here for us.... if I do the math, there just isn't enough!  It's so obvious."  Then I imagined the One holding the basket out to me was the Savior, Himself.  I looked in His eyes and was silent as He spoke, "How much do you trust Me, Alicia?  Stop doing the math.  Where is your faith?"  I couldn't argue with that.  I knew that financially, we would be fine and to plan for miracles.

Often times, I re-visit that hillside in prayer and envision myself face-to-face with the Lord again.  Only this time, not in a financial deficit but in a very real spiritual, physical, emotional, and intellectual one; So many areas I'm missing, so many qualities I'm lacking.  And I ask Him about my life's mission, "Why me?  I just don't add up!  It's so painfully obvious I'm not qualified for this... I'm not ready for that.  To think I could make any kind of difference is almost laughable.  I am nothing."  Lovingly and sternly, He gives me the same answer, "How much do you trust me, Alicia?  Stop doing the math. Where is your faith?"

I heard this song for the first time just a couple of days ago and the lyrics were perfect for the encouragement I needed.  "You take all kinds of nothing, turn it right into something... You take every doubt and you make something out of me."  If man is nothing and God's work and His glory is to bring to pass their immortality and eternal life of man. (Moses 1:39)... Then it must mean that not only can He make something out of nothing... this is His specialty!!  He does it all the time!  What He is able to do through and with me is far more miraculous that what He can do with bread and fish.  How much do I trust Him?

Because of a merciful, loving and all-knowing Father in Heaven, I echo Ammon's testimony, "I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things." - Alma 26:12

-Alicia

"Something Out Of Me"

by, Nichole Nordeman

Just You and me on a hillside

And 4,999

If You could see on the inside

What I brought, what I need, how I’m caught in between....

...You take all kinds of nothing

Turn it right in to something

I see impossible, but You see a basket full of

A little bit of this sounds crazy

A little bit of just maybe

You take every doubt and

You make something out of me"

Imperfection

“Every human being must be viewed according to what it is good for. 

For not one of us, no, not one, is perfect. 

And were we to love none who had imperfection, 

this world would be a desert for our love.” 

- Thomas Jefferson

I came across this statement in my studies for American Heritage yesterday.  I've been fascinated with all that I've been learning about Thomas Jefferson.  What an interesting man!  He was very enigmatic, quiet, studious, pensive, and extraordinarily brilliant.  Yet, even men like him recognized that imperfection comes to everyone and no soul is exempt from flaws.

Of course we must always strive to be better and seek improvement... but some expectations can drown us, especially when we expect perfection to flow like an endless stream in our lives, in our schedules, in our homes, in every person, and every relationship... How sorry we will be when we discover that it is nowhere to be found. And the hours and minutes that could have been spent appreciating and enjoying everything is swept away in the dragging undercurrent and isolating trench of carping criticism.

I truly believe that perfectionism suffocates our ability to deeply love and to be loved in return.  I have discovered that as I rid myself of expectations for everything to go as I have planned, as I allow room for myself, my house, my family, my life, and all my associations to be imperfect... something beautiful happens... love grows... and I find freedom!

-Alicia
"Come What May and Love It"

The Depth of God

Just some verses and a couple of quotes I've been focusing on in my studies.  I'm grateful for the wisdom of God, for His all-knowing and all-seeing understanding.  I'm grateful that I can put full confidence in the direction He points me and in the learning experiences He gives...  for I know that He sees the bigger picture.

-Alicia

"Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.  But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God." - 1 Cor. 2:9-10

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9

 "Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." - Mosiah 4:9

"The Lord worketh in many ways to the salvation of his people." - Alma 24:27

"By small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise."- Alma 37:6

"The Lord will lead us along, just as promised. He balances giving to the Church and its people the needed, specific directions, with providing the relevant learning experiences, including having our faith and patience tried in order to be strengthened. Thus He leads us along, but He desires that during that process we take His yoke upon us in order to learn of Him by our personal experiences. We surely feel the weight of that yoke at times, but the path is clear." - Neal A. Maxwell

"A universal God is actually involved with our small, individual universes of experience! In the midst of His vast dominions, yet He numbers us, knows us, and loves us perfectly."- Neal A. Maxwell

Escaping The Vacuum Cycle of Self

"Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties
'cause it's cooooold out there today. It's coooold out there every day."
- Groundhog Day (1993)

She hated the movie but I loved it!
My cousin Julia, rolled her eyes and groaned as the credits trailed up the screen, "That was THE dumbest show I have ever seen!"
"Come on, Julia, it wasn't that bad." I said encouragingly.  "There are some serious life lessons to be learned from it."
We made our way toward the exit of the theater. My cousin looked at me questioning, "Life lessons? You're so weird Alicia."
"Hey, I feel like that was money well spent," I said defensively. "It made me think about what we do with our choices every day and how we need to learn to live with purpose and not be so wrapped up in ourselves."

Needless to say, my cousin never watched Groundhog Day again but I did... probably about as many times as Phil Connors relived February 2nd.  It's interesting to me how many recycled wasted days Phil went through before he began some real introspection and experienced a mighty change of heart.

In my recent scripture study I've been reading the teachings of Alma and Amulek.  My "ponderize" verse last week was from Alma 7.  But I keep going back and thinking about a couple of crucial questions that the prophet poses in Alma 5:28, 29, "Are ye stripped of pride?" and "Is there one among you who is not stripped of envy?... if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God."
It coincides perfectly with the poem that Rita recites to Phil in the diner scene when he's cramming his face full of food trying to absorb all the possible pleasures, an awful image of gluttony.

"The wretch, concentred all in self,

Living, shall forfeit fair renown,

And, doubly dying, shall go down

To the vile dust from whence he sprung,

Unwept, unhonour’d, and unsung."

- Sir Walter Scott

In my American Heritage class we are learning about avarice or greed - the driving force behind most of the passions in human nature.  Studying this in two places (at school and in my scriptures) has led me to do some introspection and really examine my own heart.  

I'll be the first to admit how easy it is for me to pass judgment on others and see where they have the mote in their eye.  It's hard to really recognize the beam in my own because when I do that's when the pain of realization hits like a 2X4, "I need to change."

I discovered an Ensign article last week, “Stripped of Envy” by Pam Wilson Vandenaker.  Something about the way she describes things struck me and I can see that I am not stripped of this ugly vice.  We live in such a competitive world.  It's so easy to "see" the achievements of others as we parade them so proudly on our Instagram and Facebook walls. There are some people who I can sincerely compliment and cheer on in their achievements.  But there are others who I feel as if their "boasting" is never ending and nauseating. I struggle to say anything that would enforce their ego and add more hot air to their blimpish head.

It bothers me that this bothers me.... does that make sense?

Withholding praise is a form of pride.  I know this but I withhold from those who I think cannot possibly handle anymore. Maybe it's not their conceit that gets under my skin so much... maybe if I'm honest with myself, it bothers me because I feel inferior?

If I feel inferior because another woman is obviously prettier, more organized, more graceful, more witty, or more fun than I am....
Where does that say my focus is??? "All in self."

I must have more pride and envy in my heart than I dare to admit.

 "Betsy Cohen, in her book The Snow White Syndrome: All about Envy (1986), notes that many of us 'have inner standards of excellence and perfection that are hard or impossible to meet', often causing emotional pain. We may have a hard time admitting mistakes and living with imperfections. If not careful, says the author, we can end up envious of those who seem to achieve more or who seem more comfortable being imperfect."- Pam Wilson Vandenaker

"Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those." - Jeffrey R Holland

So how do we overcome this universal sin?.....

.... I believe it can achieved by one simple virtue: GRATITUDE.

Yes, we vary in skill, in beauty, in achievement, but like the laborers in the vineyard, at the end of the day we all receive the same generous heavenly reward... a reward that we really don't deserve but are nevertheless given because God is so graciously good and kind.

I love the words of Francesca Battistelli:

"Spent today in a conversation In the mirror face to face with somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart and made Something out of nothing

I don't need my name in lights I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake He knows my name
I'm not living for applause I'm already so adored 
It's all His stage He knows my name "

When this is my perspective.... The envy, the pride, the competition naturally begin to fall away.  I lose concern for my own image and think more of God's image.  What else matters?  I become filled with a sense of awe and wonder... GRATEFUL for the knowledge that I mean everything to God and so do all the sisters and brothers around me.  I want to strive to share this truth more... to seek to complete the souls of others and not compete.

I find freedom when I accept Christ's grace for me and recognize that it is sufficient, it is enough and I don't need to be better, smarter or prettier than anyone.  In Him, I have my everything, in Him, I am made whole and complete despite all that I so obviously lack from being human.

- Alicia

That Which is Not Seen

"Verily, verily, I say unto you that mine eyes are upon you.  I am in your midst and ye cannot see me." - D&C 38:7

My eyes are mortal, they are limited.  My physical vision can only see so far.  So when I read verses that speak of those things that cannot be witnessed with my own eyes, it draws my attention.  How can we see without tangible evidence?  What realms beyond mortal sight, beyond physical touch are as accessible and real as the air I breathe and the ground I walk on?

“One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”- The Little Prince

How does one see with the heart?
The Savior spoke to the people in parables because they "seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand... For this people’s heart is waxed gross" - Matthew 13:13 - 15.  I searched this scripture in other versions and the heart is described as calloused or dull. The rest of verse 15 describes that the ears and eyes are also dull and closed.  When I think of a heart waxing gross, I think of fatty arteries, build-up from caring for things that have no value.

Maybe in this mortal life, we try to view things backwards?
First with our eyes, then our ears,
and then with our hearts.
Relying first on the physical tangible evidence saps us dry.  It's far too broad, far to extensive, too general and vague to give any real direction.  We become anxious or care about meaningless things, leaving no room in the end for faith in one's heart.

Maybe if we just flip things around, the proper vision will be opened to us?
First with our hearts,
then with our ears,
and eventually with our eyes.

Even in the darkest moments of life, even in the places where we cannot see the end from the beginning or what's on the other side,.. Even if the curtain is drawn, even if we don't know what's around the bend or where we are going, we can still feel safe and secure as if we could see.  If our hearts are set upon God, we have hope... not because of our vision but because of His.  The heart is the home of affection and when we sincerely love the Lord, we seek to lean on Him.  I imagine this much like an affectionate child laying their head on their father's strong chest, listening to his soothing voice.  The child won't understand everything in that moment but he trusts that someday, eventually he will know what his father is teaching him, and his eyes will be opened.  What comfort this gives!

In our Father's arms, our hearts are warmed by trust and faith in Him and we are given strength to carry on despite that which is seen or not seen.

Why do I believe in God?  Why do I believe in someone who I cannot see?
Many years ago I kept a quote on my bedroom wall that answers this:

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."  - C.S. Lewis

"To the glory of God... we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." - 2 Corinthinas 4:15-18

I believe because I feel it in my heart first,
Then I lean on my Father and listen
And trust that eventually my eyes will see.

-Alicia

"We see such a limited part of the eternal plan He has fashioned for each one of us. Trust Him, even when in eternal perspective it temporarily hurts very much. Have patience when you are asked to wait when you want immediate action. He may ask you to do things which are powerfully against your will. Exercise faith and say, Let Thy will be done. Such experiences, honorably met, prepare you and condition you for yet greater blessings. As your Father, His purpose is your eternal happiness, your continuing development, your increasing capacity. His desire is to share with you all that He has. The path you are to walk through life may be very different from others. You may not always know why He does what He does, but you can know that He is perfectly just and perfectly merciful. He would have you suffer no consequence, no challenge, endure no burden that is superfluous to your good.

To gain unshakable faith in Jesus Christ is to flood your life with brilliant light. You are no longer alone to struggle with challenges you know you cannot resolve or control yourself, for He said, “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moro. 7:33)" - Richard G. Scott - Obtaining Help from the Lord (Oct. 1991)

Greater is He

I drove my kids to their Monday/Wednesday class this morning and heard this song on the radio.  I love the lyrics, I know they are true!  Before my kids ran off, I kissed them and said, "Never forget that there is nothing you can't overcome with God.  He lives within you because you are His children."  My son, Micah, smiled but didn't say anything.  Kaylee kissed me back as usual and skipped off.  I watched as Micah held the door open for his little sister.  A sense of pride filled my heart.  I wonder where their lives will take them?  What giants will they face and what will be the storm-tossed sea they will have to learn to step out onto?  I pray they will always remember who they are and that with faith in Christ... all things are possible.

"Greater Is He"

by, Blanca

(1 John 4:4)

I face a giant

In over my head

Help me to look up

I take a deep breath

And take the next step

Though I may be weak

I know Who is with me

And greater is He living in me

Than he who is in the world

Whatever may come, His strength is enough

My heart is at peace, for greater is He

I face an ocean

The waves are raging

Help me to look up

You’ll do what I can’t

And I’ll walk on dry land

I’ll step out on the sea

‘Cause I know who is with me

And in His name, giants will fall

And in His name, oceans will part

And in His name, there’s nothing we won’t overcome

This is our God, this is our God

This is our God, this is our God

-Alicia :)

In the Middle of Babylon

I am so excited to be in the Book of Daniel now!  I love the stories of these four young men, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  Their greatest quality was truly their non-worldliness.  Now, this is a story about four amazing young men and I love seeing this in the men and boys of today.  I also love this quality when I see it in women.

It is so clearly obvious and apparent to me when I am with a Zion-hearted sister in my church, the way she talks about life, the way she consistently dresses, the way she handles social media or guards the media streaming in her home, they way she reaches out to others regardless of who they are (cliques are unheard of for her.)  I love how she shares her faith, how humble she is (and doesn't even know it), how she views and speaks about her spouse or each of her children, and the list goes on.  I love that she is so counter-culture.  My best friend, Suzanne, is this way.  My friend, Carol, is this way... My friend, Kanani, is this way...  In fact all of my deepest and closest friends are this way.  This is why I treasure and love them so dearly.

I found this really great talk given April, 2006 by, Elder David R. Stone - Zion in the Midst of Babylon  I've copy-pasted the part that really jumped out at me.

"Daniel and his brothers refused to do that which they believed to be wrong, however much the Babylonian culture believed it to be right. And for that fidelity and courage, the Lord blessed them and 'gave them knowledge and skill in all learning and wisdom'  Dan. 1:17

Seduced by our culture, we often hardly recognize our idolatry, as our strings are pulled by that which is popular in the Babylonian world. Indeed, as the poet Wordsworth said: 'The world is too much with us' (“The World Is Too Much with Us; Late and Soon,” in The Complete Poetical Works of William Wordsworth [1924], 353). 

In his first epistle, John writes:

• 'I have written unto you … because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one... Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world'  1 Jn. 2:14–15

We do not need to adopt the standards, the mores, and the morals of Babylon. We can create Zion in the midst of Babylon. We can have our own standards for music and literature and dance and film and language. We can have our own standards for dress and deportment, for politeness and respect. We can live in accordance with the Lord’s moral laws. We can limit how much of Babylon we allow into our homes by the media of communication.

We can live as a Zion people, if we wish to. Will it be hard? Of course it will, for the waves of Babylonian culture crash incessantly against our shores. Will it take courage? Of course it will.

We have always been entranced by tales of courage of those who faced fearsome odds and overcame. Courage is the basis and foundation for all of our other virtues; the lack of courage diminishes every other virtue that we have. If we are to have Zion in the midst of Babylon, we will need courage."- Elder David R. Stone, Zion in the Midst of Babylon

-Alicia

The Accessible and Approachable God

In Matthew 11:28 Christ invites us to come unto Him.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." 

This rest is the Grace of God.  The definition of "rest" is what grace feels like.

This morning in my studies I read these words, 

"Come, my brethren [and sisters, come Alicia], every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters... Come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not... 

Remember the words of your God; Pray unto Him continually by day, and give thanks unto His holy name by night.  Let your hearts rejoice." - 2 Nephi 9:50-52

To come to God means to approach Him, to access Him through the avenue of expression, through the opening and pouring out to Him our heart, mind, and spirit.

In Hebrews 4:12-16 the Apostle Paul teaches that God knows the thoughts and intents of our hearts even before we approach Him and that our Savior has felt every weakness, pain, heartache, or sorrow that we have ever felt.  

There is no emotion or thought that is hidden from Him.  He sees within us even what we cannot discern.  In verse 13 Paul says "all things are naked and open unto His eyes."  A couple of modern versions of this verse describe it this way: "everything is uncovered and laid bare" and "all things are open and exposed" 

This raw and vulnerable painful place of weakness is our Gethsemane, and in verse 15 Paul testifies that Christ reaches us there.  Because of His Gethsemane, the God of all creation is perfectly approachable in our nakedness.  

I know from personal experience that the throne of God is the most safe place to be our true selves to hold nothing back. Why? Because He knows. He has experienced everything, every temptation, every emotion, every heartache, and every sorrow that we have felt.  He who was horribly abused and crucified, He who hung naked on a cross, He is the one who clothes me.

"He hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, 

He hath covered me with the robe of righteousness."- Isaiah 61:10

I rejoice in knowing there is One who will always know me, One who is always accessible, that I can speak to Him, approach Him, any time, anywhere, any place, whether my heart is weak or strong.  He knows!

"Let us therefore come boldly [with full confidence] unto the throne of grace, 

that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."- Hebrews 4:16

-Alicia

Keepin' It Real

Learning Meekness - Finding Rest

Faith Atrophy

This last General Conference, I noticed a word you don't hear spoken in such meetings very often.  At least I don't remember hearing it in conference before.  But this time it was mentioned more than once, by more than one speaker so that's why it stood out to me.  The word was "atrophy" not just any kind of atrophy but "faith atrophy."

• Faith [fāTH] - To hope for things which are not seen, but which are true.  Must be centered in Jesus Christ.  To have confidence in God and His word.
• Atrophy [a-truh-fee] - A wasting away, degeneration, decline, or decrease, as from defective nutrition or disuse.

Just as our physical bodies need to excersise regularly in order to avoid atrophy in our joints and muscles, so our spirit needs regular excersise.

Weights and opposing forces are benificial in pysical excerscise.  It's easy to see this!  We seek out bigger and harder weights to increase our muscle.  But I imagine we often lose this vision with spiritual excercise.  Those forces that oppose us or weigh us down spiritually can be overwhelming and certainly unwelcoming. But in order for faith to grow, it needs to have something to pull through or push up against.

Understanding the need for struggle, for trials, and the unpleasantries of life, Lehi teaches his son, Jacob:

• "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility." - 2 Nephi 2:11

The opposition we face is really opportunity.  It is a chance to excercise our faith, to become unshaken in our testimony.

The quickest way to lose faith is to do nothing.  Sometimes the strongest force fighting against faith is our very own unwillingness to move, to open the scriptures and not just read but to actually study them, to take real time pondering and praying.  And then when we receive certain guidance or direction we act and go forward, even if the Spirit has directed us to move in a way that is painful or uncomfortable.  We will do it more willingly when we have eyes to see beyond this life, when we understand that acting upon doctrine and the whisperings of the Spirit builds an eternal treasure.

"So exercise your faith every day, and you will 'wax stronger and stronger … and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ.'"- Robert D. Hales

In the Bible Dictionary under Faith, it reads:

• All true faith must be based upon correct knowledge or it cannot produce the desired results. Faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel and is more than belief, since true faith always moves its possessor to some kind of physical and mental action; it carries an assurance of the fulfillment of the things hoped for. A lack of faith leads one to despair, which comes because of iniquity.

• Although faith is a gift, it must be cultured and sought after until it grows from a tiny seed to a great tree. The effects of true faith in Jesus Christ include (1) an actual knowledge that the course of life one is pursuing is acceptable to the Lord (see Heb. 11:4); (2) a reception of the blessings of the Lord that are available to man in this life; and (3) an assurance of personal salvation in the world to come. These things involve individual and personal testimony, guidance, revelation, and spiritual knowledge. Where there is true faith there are miracles, visions, dreams, healings, and all the gifts of God that He gives to His saints. Jesus pointed out some obstacles to faith in John 5:44 and 12:39–42 (see also James 1:6–8).

This is amazing!! Faith is the gateway to "miracles, visions, dreams, healings, and all the gifts of God."  Who wouldn't want these things??  So we pray with all our hearts, "give me faith" and we understand fully, accepting with gratitude for God the "weight" that comes with it and walk on with real and not pretended confidence.

-Alicia

Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority - Richard G. Scott