Sanctify My Heart

I wrote this about a month ago and even shared it in church but I haven't posted it because I have felt so hypocritical.

Just days after speaking these words in testimony meeting, everything seemed to come to a head with our Landlady.  Communication with her has been strenuous for all of us.  She was difficult before her husband died but it seemed to increase 10-fold after his passing to the point my husband and I could hardly see her without feeling our entire bodies tense up.

Then when we received the notice we were being forced to move, I posted on our Relief Society page the situation we were facing with vented frustration.  Former tenants chimed in and gave their piece on her which helped me feel justified.

Not too many days after, my husband and I went to the temple together to pray for guidance where we should move.  But I couldn't seem to get much revelation in that area...instead, as we sat and prayed in the Celestial room, the warning from the Prophet James pressed upon my mind, "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”  I felt the Spirit rebuke me.  "Alicia, you just bore testimony of choosing your words to build and to lift others, to testify of Christ and then you allowed this thread you initiated on the Relief Society page to go on in smearing your Landlady.  These things should not be!!"  I felt horrible.  I plead and prayed for forgiveness.  When I returned home, I removed the post from the page and posted an apology.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to repent.  I'll keep trying.  I don't want to be someone who just talks the talk.  Slowly, ever so slowly, I pray that God will help me walk the walk.

-Alicia

..............
Testimony - July 3rd, 2016

I’ve been thinking about the air we breathe and how we are able to speak through our vocal cords by the air we draw into our lungs and breathe out.

In the book of Genesis, it gives an account of the creation of man and it says that God breathed into him “the breath of life”

Isn’t it amazing that we are constantly breathing all of the time without even thinking about it?!!   – It’s this breathing in oxygen that gives the blood cells in our veins life, which in turn, give life to our entire body.  So, not only could we not speak without the air we breathe but we could not even move or live.

 As a ward, this past week, we read the words of King Benjamin where he testifies that God is , “preserving [us] from day to day, by lending [us] breath, that [we] may live and move”

This has caused me to truly ponder on the power of our words, the things we choose to speak and to say.  It is a sacred thing God has given us.  After all, it is by the power of words that worlds without number and galaxies were created!

In our ward scripture reading we also read where Abinidi courageously stood in the king’s court and bore witness of the ten commandments, one of them being, “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”

Alma who was awakened and inspired by Abinidi’s bold testimony and martyrdom then risks his own life to speak up and share the truth, to inspire others to covenant that they will “stand as a witness of God at all times, in all things, and in all places, even unto death.”

What do we do with this breath we are given?   

The Prophet James counsels, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”
Jesus taught that what comes out of our mouths is what defiles us.

Even the prophet Isaiah recognized that he needed to clean up his language when he had a vision of the temple, when he stood within the overwhelming power and presence of God, he repents and cries, “Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips”

This life isn’t about being perfect.  It’s about practice and learning.  And if the great prophet Isaiah recognized that the words he spoke needed some cleaning up, I’m sure we could all benefit from some purging and refining.

I’m grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who grants me daily breath and gives life to my blood, which gives me the ability to live and breathe and move and speak.

What do I do with the air I breathe?  What are the things I choose to say and how carefully do I choose my actions?

Today, I choose to use the air I breathe to thank my Father in Heaven, to speak and act in defense of the family, of marriage, and religious liberty whatever the cost!  I choose to use it to build the souls around me and never tear them down, demean or belittle another.  I choose to use the air I breath to bear testimony of the Savior and His Atonement and this His true Gospel.  I know He lives and He loves us far greater than we could ever comprehend.  His words have saved me.  Time and time again throughout my life, I have used my words to cry out in prayer and I have sought His words through the scriptures and whisperings of the Spirit.  I have come to know an inner peace and a deep love that is available to me wherever I go, that cannot be removed or taken from me.  What a magnificent gift that by our words and by His, we have the power to call down heaven.  I know this without any doubt.

-Alicia

Escaping The Vacuum Cycle of Self

"Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties
'cause it's cooooold out there today. It's coooold out there every day."
- Groundhog Day (1993)

She hated the movie but I loved it!
My cousin Julia, rolled her eyes and groaned as the credits trailed up the screen, "That was THE dumbest show I have ever seen!"
"Come on, Julia, it wasn't that bad." I said encouragingly.  "There are some serious life lessons to be learned from it."
We made our way toward the exit of the theater. My cousin looked at me questioning, "Life lessons? You're so weird Alicia."
"Hey, I feel like that was money well spent," I said defensively. "It made me think about what we do with our choices every day and how we need to learn to live with purpose and not be so wrapped up in ourselves."

Needless to say, my cousin never watched Groundhog Day again but I did... probably about as many times as Phil Connors relived February 2nd.  It's interesting to me how many recycled wasted days Phil went through before he began some real introspection and experienced a mighty change of heart.

In my recent scripture study I've been reading the teachings of Alma and Amulek.  My "ponderize" verse last week was from Alma 7.  But I keep going back and thinking about a couple of crucial questions that the prophet poses in Alma 5:28, 29, "Are ye stripped of pride?" and "Is there one among you who is not stripped of envy?... if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God."
It coincides perfectly with the poem that Rita recites to Phil in the diner scene when he's cramming his face full of food trying to absorb all the possible pleasures, an awful image of gluttony.

"The wretch, concentred all in self,

Living, shall forfeit fair renown,

And, doubly dying, shall go down

To the vile dust from whence he sprung,

Unwept, unhonour’d, and unsung."

- Sir Walter Scott

In my American Heritage class we are learning about avarice or greed - the driving force behind most of the passions in human nature.  Studying this in two places (at school and in my scriptures) has led me to do some introspection and really examine my own heart.  

I'll be the first to admit how easy it is for me to pass judgment on others and see where they have the mote in their eye.  It's hard to really recognize the beam in my own because when I do that's when the pain of realization hits like a 2X4, "I need to change."

I discovered an Ensign article last week, “Stripped of Envy” by Pam Wilson Vandenaker.  Something about the way she describes things struck me and I can see that I am not stripped of this ugly vice.  We live in such a competitive world.  It's so easy to "see" the achievements of others as we parade them so proudly on our Instagram and Facebook walls. There are some people who I can sincerely compliment and cheer on in their achievements.  But there are others who I feel as if their "boasting" is never ending and nauseating. I struggle to say anything that would enforce their ego and add more hot air to their blimpish head.

It bothers me that this bothers me.... does that make sense?

Withholding praise is a form of pride.  I know this but I withhold from those who I think cannot possibly handle anymore. Maybe it's not their conceit that gets under my skin so much... maybe if I'm honest with myself, it bothers me because I feel inferior?

If I feel inferior because another woman is obviously prettier, more organized, more graceful, more witty, or more fun than I am....
Where does that say my focus is??? "All in self."

I must have more pride and envy in my heart than I dare to admit.

 "Betsy Cohen, in her book The Snow White Syndrome: All about Envy (1986), notes that many of us 'have inner standards of excellence and perfection that are hard or impossible to meet', often causing emotional pain. We may have a hard time admitting mistakes and living with imperfections. If not careful, says the author, we can end up envious of those who seem to achieve more or who seem more comfortable being imperfect."- Pam Wilson Vandenaker

"Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those." - Jeffrey R Holland

So how do we overcome this universal sin?.....

.... I believe it can achieved by one simple virtue: GRATITUDE.

Yes, we vary in skill, in beauty, in achievement, but like the laborers in the vineyard, at the end of the day we all receive the same generous heavenly reward... a reward that we really don't deserve but are nevertheless given because God is so graciously good and kind.

I love the words of Francesca Battistelli:

"Spent today in a conversation In the mirror face to face with somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart and made Something out of nothing

I don't need my name in lights I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake He knows my name
I'm not living for applause I'm already so adored 
It's all His stage He knows my name "

When this is my perspective.... The envy, the pride, the competition naturally begin to fall away.  I lose concern for my own image and think more of God's image.  What else matters?  I become filled with a sense of awe and wonder... GRATEFUL for the knowledge that I mean everything to God and so do all the sisters and brothers around me.  I want to strive to share this truth more... to seek to complete the souls of others and not compete.

I find freedom when I accept Christ's grace for me and recognize that it is sufficient, it is enough and I don't need to be better, smarter or prettier than anyone.  In Him, I have my everything, in Him, I am made whole and complete despite all that I so obviously lack from being human.

- Alicia

Healing Hearts That are Failing

In the Doctrine and Covenants 45 & 88 it says in the last days "the whole earth shall be in commotion, and men’s hearts shall fail them."

Commotion, unrest, fear, turmoil.... How many hearts will fail during the days we live in???  When I read scriptures like this, I desire to encourage, to help heal the failing hearts of those around me.  A couple of weeks ago I was fasting for a family who lives next to me.  They are an unmarried blended family. Living in the "tight quarters" that we do, it's hard to avoid hearing the constant turmoil in their home.  None of them are active in the church.  The daughter of the mother used to come but has since given up as well.

About a week and a half ago I sat on the steps of our porch and visited with the mother of the family.  I listened to her tell me about the stresses and difficulties she faced on a day-to-day basis.  The entire time she was telling me about the "commotion" in her life I wanted so badly to somehow take the experiences I have had with prayer, with the scriptures, with the words of the living prophets, and infuse them into her so she could instinctively know where to find peace and rest from such needless pain.
She said, to me, "Alicia I can't come to church because I'm living in sin."
I immediately responded, "Aren't we all? If we waited to go only when we were completely free from making any mistakes or having any sin in our hearts then no one would be able to go."
I had a small window of opportunity to bear testimony to her of our Father in Heaven's infinite love and I told her of President Uchdorft's talk from this last conference to just "start where you are."

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to speak in church very briefly about the hymn, "Where Can I Turn for Peace" I had invited my neighbor friend to come and hear my testimony and I was hopeful that she would because the night before she confirmed a couple of times.  When I stood, I looked for her in the congregation but I didn't see her.  I was disappointed.  I wanted to direct my words to her. If only she would turn.  I was grateful for the number of people who had come to church that day.

I had been thinking of a favorite hymn of mine as a child, "Did You Think to Pray?" and for a brief moment I imagined myself again as a little girl sitting in church with a family who went every Sunday.  No one knew of the turmoil and pain that went on under our roof, (maybe our bishop but no body else.)  I thought, "If there are families like the one from my childhood sitting in this congregation right now then there is certainly a great number of people who are suffering needlessly in the church as well."  I remember a former bishop of ours used to call the constant visits in his office, "The Parade of Pain."

The hearts of men and women need not fail if they would only turn.  In the Book of Numbers, chapter 21, the children of Israel were bitten by serpents. Many of the people were dying but God provided an escape from the pain, suffering, and death.  He commanded Moses to raise a serpent on his staff and tell the people if they would just look at the raised serpent, they would be healed.  How can we look? How do we turn?  I believe it is through the simple process of faith and repentance, sincere prayer, daily seeking God's word (modern and ancient), and weekly partaking of Christ's sacrament.  It's the primary answer, just as simple as "look."

The children of Israel were healed by looking to Christ, they defeated the Amorites and the people of Bashan who fought against them. I testify that as we turn and look to Christ as the children of Israel did, our hearts will not fail us in these last days, even though the whole world will be in commotion.

Where can we turn for peace?  Nowhere else but to God, to our Father in Heaven and His son, Jesus Christ - "He only ONE."

-Alicia

The Kingdom of God is in You

I LOVE a good movie score!!  I have always been enthralled with the magic of music, how it can stir our hearts, inspire our souls, enlighten our minds, increase our passions, enhance our words, and give meaning to sight through the wonder of sound.  This song called "Time" by, Hans Zimmer, was recently attached to a scene from an old black and white movie, The Great Dictator.

The Great Dictator is a 1940 film made by Charlie Chapman.  It is a story of a good man, a Jewish barber, who saves the life of a wounded pilot during World War 2.  During his rescue, this Jewish barber receives a concussion and loses his memory.  He and the pilot try to escape the Nazis and somehow are able to dress up in German uniform to help them get away unrecognized.  But the Jewish barber, who is played by Charlie Chapman, looks almost identical to Adolf Hitler.  In the mix-up, he is urged to speak to the soldiers and gives a speech completely opposite, and diametrically opposed to anything the real Hitler would have said.

The first time I saw this scene combined with the music from Hans Zimmer, I was taken back at how powerful it was. It stirred in my mind the plea and cry we hear from men and women called to speak in Christ's name today, called to cry repentance, to preach faith and devotion to God and to one another.  They plead for unity, for love, kindness, for gentleness, and at the same time stand by morals and principles, never condoning acts contrary to our Divine nature.

 I've been reading in the scriptures and pondering the constant rejection of the prophets of God.  In our family study, we are reading about Abinadi.  In my personal study, I'm reading in the end of 1 Nephi where "even the very God of Israel... men trample under their feet;... they set him at naught, and hearken not to the voice of his counsels."  (1 Ne. 19:7) "They turn their hearts aside, rejecting signs and wonders, and the power and glory of the God of Israel. And because they turn their hearts aside, saith the prophet, and have despised the Holy One of Israel, they shall wander in the flesh, and perish" (1 Ne. 19:13,14)

As we approach this weekend and have this wonderful opportunity to hear the word of God spoken by the mouths of His prophets, I pray we will not let their cries fall on deaf ears, that we will not "trample them under our feet" but that we will take them into our hearts, treasure them, live by them, and teach them.  The time we have on this earth is a gift to us.  For myself, I desire to use it better... for it will slip quickly out of my grasp. There is so much work to be done.  I pray that I will be inspired to be about the work that matters most.

-Alicia

The Speech - From, The Great Dictator

"I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone - if possible - Jew, Gentile - black man - white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness - not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost....

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men - cries out for universal brotherhood - for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world - millions of despairing men, women, and little children - victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.

To those who can hear me, I say - do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed - the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. .....

Soldiers! don’t give yourselves to brutes - men who despise you - enslave you - who regiment your lives - tell you what to do - what to think and what to feel! Who drill you - diet you - treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate - the unloved and the unnatural! Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty!

In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” - not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power - the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

Then - in the name of democracy - let us use that power - let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world - a decent world that will give men a chance to work - that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfil that promise. They never will!

Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfil that promise! Let us fight to free the world - to do away with national barriers - to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Soldiers! in the name of democracy, let us all unite!"

Recovery

A couple of Sundays ago I brought my 7yr-old daughter's plant with me to church to use as an object lesson in Young Women's.  During sacrament meeting, Kaylee wanted to hold her little plant.  I set it in her lap as she smiled adoringly at her two flower sprouts growing from the seeds she had sown.  As she held it, she accidentally snapped one of the stems.  She began to cry, thinking she killed it.  Sure enough, I looked down and could see the lifeless stem dangling on a hinge.  I gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, "Honey, it's going to be alright.  I don't think it's dead.  Let's just be really gentle, keep taking care of it, and see what happens."  

I must admit that a part of me wasn't so sure it would recover and I was a little surprised when after a few days I noticed it lifting its head back towards the light of the sun.  Honestly, I have never seen a stem come alive again after being snapped like that.  I recalled the words I had whispered into Kaylee's ear, "Let's just be really gentle, keep taking care of it, and see what happens."  I thought of our brothers and sisters who have been broken by sin or addiction and how the right environment can bring them back into full recovery.

In nature, there are archetypes - symbols in our physical world that have existed since the creation, symbols that testify of that which God has ordained.  Earth is an archetype of man, water is an archetype of woman, but there is more... 

The air is an archetype of the Holy Spirit, and the sun is an archetype of Jesus Christ.  

When I saw this little stem curving back up toward the light of the sun, I couldn't help but think of the light of our Savior, the Son of God.  I was thrilled with excitement.  I grabbed the camera and took a picture. 

I thought of the addiction recovery program.  They've just launched some powerful new videos with real stories of people going through each of the 12 steps.  Last night, my husband and I watched these videos together.  I wrapped my arms around my husband as we listened to story after story of people going to their bishop for help.  Joseph sighed gratefully with a tear in his eye, "Those dear bishops, they have to carry so much."  I smiled as I thought of ours - We both love and pray for him.  These men are called of God, they tirelessly watch over and care for their flock.  Through their inspiration and the addiction recovery program, countless souls are saved.  These are messages of hope, kindness, forgiveness, love, and ultimately of recovery through Jesus Christ.  It's a beautiful thing.

-Alicia

(Broken Things to Mend - April 2006 -  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)

one week of recovery

10 days of recovery

2 weeks of recovery

6 weeks of recovery and growing stronger than ever


Come Unto Him 

He came to us; he loved us that much.
There isn’t a soul he’s unwilling to touch;
No life so dark he cannot light;
No sadness, no sorrow he cannot right.
Come unto him.

He came to earth; he lived as a man.
There’s no earthly care he can’t understand;
No earthly pain he did not feel;
No hunger, no heartache he cannot heal.
Come unto him.

He lived like us, acquainted with grief.
To those who believe he offers relief.
He opens eyes; he forgives sin;
For the humble, the faithful, who follow him.
Come unto him.

(Text:  Steven Jones  - Music:  Sam Cardon)

Any Last Words?

If you knew you were going to die and you knew that millions of people would someday read your final words.  What would you say?

How carefully would you choose them especially if you had just witnessed the self-destruction of your entire people and you knew what could have prevented such a tragic loss?

It has been said by many in similar ways that "wise people learn from their mistakes and never repeat them but truly wise people learn from the mistakes of others and never make them."  We can learn from other's mistakes and most certainly can learn from other's successes too.

Mormon was a great prophet who kept and abridged writings of people over the span of a couple thousand years.  Through study and his own personal observation, he came to know and understand very clearly what leads man to destruction and what brings true success.  He had some final words to give.  I believe he chose them very carefully.

In essence Mormon's last breath revealed the key to success and happiness in this life and in heaven.  He said, "Lay hold upon the Gospel of Christ." (Mormon 7:8)

What is the Gospel of Christ?

He sums it up in the next two verses.  He says the Gospel is contained in the scriptures, namely the Book of Mormon and the Bible, which complement one another.

The Gospel is: Faith in Christ, Repentance, Receiving the Holy Ghost, and Enduring to the End. (Mormon 7:9-10)

• First FAITH:  Mormon grew up in a time of terrible war and bloodshed.  The people weren't always in this constant contentious and hateful state.  "They were once a delightsome people, and they had Christ for their Shepherd; yea, they were led even by God the Father." (Mormon 5:17) But now, they "did struggle for their lives without calling upon that Being who created them." (Mormon 5:2) They "rejected that Jesus, who stood with open arms to receive [them]." (Mormon 6:17)  What pain must have plagued his soul to see such hard-heartedness among his people?!  It makes this prophet's plea all the more poignant "Behold, I write unto all the ends of the earth... for this cause... that ye may believe the gospel of Jesus Christ" (Mormon 3: 18-21 emphasis added).

• Second REPENT:  Mormon cried unto his people, "Repent" for "the Lord had spared them, and granted unto them a chance for repentance" but it was all in vain for they "did harden their hearts against the Lord their God" (Mormon 3:2,3)  Indeed, they "repented not... but persisted in their wickedness continually." (Mormon 4:10)  Did they forget that repentance was a personal invitation from the Savior to be healed??! (3 Nephi 9:13) Or maybe they didn't feel like they "needed healing," because they viewed themselves as strong enough and found every occasion to boast of their own strength. (Mormon 3:9, 4:8)  How frail and weak indeed is the soul who leans on "self" for repose -that thin and hollow shell.  It is only in and through Christ that there is "victory." (Mormon 7:5)

• Third BAPTISM: When we think of baptism, we most often think of being immersed in water and rising up again.  It's the perfect imagery! -A symbol of laying down our life, completely "losing ourselves" and turning it over in exchange for a new life, transformed and risen again, a life of covenant with Christ.  This is when one's heart, mind, and soul says, "I'm all in! I will hold nothing back.  Everything you ask of me Lord, I will give you.  I will lay it all down." We are baptized only once as an ordinance but there will be countless opportunities in our life to prove to our Father in Heaven that we are "all in" completely and totally His.  They may be some of the hardest choices we will ever make in our journey.

Nevertheless, this is what baptism means, to “Give up yourself...  you will find your real self. Lose your life... and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body and in the end submit with ever fiber of your being... and you will find eternal life.  Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead...  look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”  ― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

• Fourth RECEIVE the HOLY GHOST: The reception of the Spirit in our lives is in direct connection to baptism, this "losing ourself" it is the key that unlocks the door to heaven's gate, a pouring out of Christ's spirit into our "empty souls." (Malachi 3:10) This is the baptism "by fire" the purification, sanctification that burns away the dross and polishes us into gold.  Like the first ordinance, it too is performed only once but we are given countless opportunities to receive and re-new this great gift.  This is the "sword of truth," our defense in battle (Ephesians 6:17).  We want this "always to be with us." (Moroni 4:3, 5:2) "For the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not... it speaketh of things as they really are and of things as they really will be." (Jacob 4:13)  Oh what battles could have been won during the time of Mormon if the people could have grasped the significance of this vital piece of "armor!"

• Fifth ENDURE to the end:  Perhaps our greatest challenge will be to persevere especially when the road gets rough and our souls are weary.  Hope is the guiding light.  We do not see the end from the beginning.  We don't know what lies ahead but we are in this committed life for the long-haul, however long and hard the road may be. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland encouraged, "I am asking you not to give up 'for ye are laying the foundation of a great work.' That 'great work' is you—your life, your future, the very fulfillment of your dreams. That “great work” is what, with effort and patience and God’s help, you can become. When days are difficult or problems seem unending, I plead with you to stay in the harness and keep pulling. You are entitled to 'eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days,' but it will require your heart and a willing mind. It will require that you stay at your post and keep trying."

 I submit that enduring, especially enduring well means being grateful in any of our circumstances.  

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught:  "We can choose to be grateful, no matter what. This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer. When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation. In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. In pain, we can glory in Christ’s Atonement. In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.  We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?"

This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  This is Mormon's final message to us, his plea... to "LAY HOLD" upon it.  And he promises us that if we do, "it shall be well with [us] in the day of judgment." (Mormon 7:10)  I add my testimony to his.  This is what matters most.  This is the core of success and happiness.  I know this to be true.

-Alicia

By the Side of the Road

I must admit that I was a little surprised when she responded to my text.  

“Yes, Thursday night will work just fine.”

“Great!” I texted back, “I’ll see you then.”

This was the first time she has ever let me in her home.  I knew it was a direct answer to my prayers.  I have been her visiting teacher for several months now. I have been pleading and praying for this opportunity.  I wanted to make sure that in this first visit I would be able to say something or invite the spirit in a way that sent a very clear message to this dear sister that the Lord loved her, that He knew her heart, and was aware of all of her unspoken struggles.  I said a prayer before I walked up the steps to her door.

She welcomely answered and invited me in.  I knew she just recently returned from California to visit her husband.  He lives there in a company apartment while she works here in Utah - so in order to be with each other, she flys out nearly every weekend.

"How was your trip to L.A.?"  I asked her.

"Great, I'm flying out again tomorrow and won't be back until Monday."

"Wow, well thanks for letting me come over, especially with such a crazy schedule." I said sincerely.

The feeling in the room was comfortable and we conversed easily.  I asked her about her family life growing up.  She told me she was the oldest of lots of half-siblings.  She explained that her mother had been married and divorced four different times and was currently single again but dating.  Her dad lives in Manhattan with her two half-siblings who are almost 20 years younger than her. The tone of her voice revealed sorrow for how scattered everything was.

(Her story made me think of my niece who has been drug through so many of my sister's relationships and the pain it has caused her from growing attached to new step-dads and siblings only to be ripped apart again.)

She told me about her husband's unbelieveable life of being practically homeless, growing up in Detroit with a drug-dealer for a father, and his grandfather offering him shot glasses and cigarettes at the age of five.

"My husband is a convert to the church," she said. "He loves the gospel and he knows it's true, I mean... he served a mission but he just struggles sometimes."

I nodded as if to say, "It's okay, you don't need to explain."

She continued to tell me how difficult is was for her to go to church and to try and live by the standards when she first got married.

"There was so much fighting between us.  He felt I was judging him.  I wanted desperately to keep the peace in our relationship. He has a drink here or there but you see... that's how he was raised. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable when he's with me so I've taken a shot on occasions too."  

She choked back tears.

"There's a part of me that wants to return to church, I think we both will come back someday.  I'm just so afraid because we're just starting to get along now. I don't want to fight with him anymore, it becomes painful trying to live the gospel."

As I listened to this sister's story, I felt so sorry.  I thought of my post from yesterday - how I got on my soap-box about standards and giving strict heed.  I imagined her reading that post and wondered what her reaction would be.  With everything she's been through, would my words make her feel like the way of the gospel was too strict or completely unreachable?  I'm passionate about the things I believe in and in my mind they often seem so black and white.  But then I'll have an experience like this where I see the complexity in the lives of others and I know it's just not that simple.

What do you do when you have certain convictions, when you don't agree with specific behaviors, especially when those behaviors are habits of your spouse?  What if you've tried to make a stand in the past and all that it ever results in is contention.... and so you step down in order to "keep the peace."

My younger brother is dealing with something very similar.  His wife belongs to another faith.  He has started reading the Book of Mormon and has expressed a desire to return to the LDS church but every time he mentions it, he gets push-back or it results in a fight with her.  He wants to draw closer to God but he doesn't want to create a rift with his companion in the process.  What can be done?

I don't know. I honestly don't know.

I wish things were more simple.... more black and white.  

My heart ached for this sister as she told me her story.  I encouraged her to continue to work on her marriage.  I testified of our Father-in-Heaven's unfailing love for her.  I testified that He knew her heart.  

I leaned forward, looked her in the eyes and called her by name, "Whatever you do, whether you come to church or not, please, please never feel unworthy to pray.  Always keep that communication open between you and God.  Lay on Him your fears, your concerns, your worries, tell Him what is holding you back. He'll understand and I promise that as you ask, He'll show you bit by bit what can be done."

Tears were streaming now down her face and she rose up, crossed the room, and hugged me.  "Thank you, thank you.  I needed this.  I needed this so much!  I have felt too unworthy to pray, that He didn't want to hear from me. But you shared this with me. I needed this message."

On my way out the door, she said that she might text me some time if she decided to come to church.  
Enthusiastically I replied, "I'd be delighted to have you sit with me!" I paused briefly and then said, "Let it be your choice though to come to church, it has to be what you want.  And even if you come just for the first hour, I know it will be a blessing to you."

I reassured her again of my testimony that she can always, always approach God. We hugged again.

As I walked down her steps to return to my car, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the visiting teaching program.  What a privilege to be a part of!

This dear sister has been on my mind all day today.  I keep thinking of how seemingly small efforts for some people are tremendously huge efforts for others.  We are all in such different circumstances.  Thank goodness, the Lord looks on our hearts and not on the outward performances!  I've been thinking about "The Widow's Mite" in Mark 12:41-41 and how the Lord isn't just talking about monetary poverty but circumstantial, even environments where there is great spiritual deprivation.  He sees the smallest effort in those situations and great will be the reward for it.

-Alicia

.........................

There are hermit
souls that live withdrawn
In the peace of their self-content;
There are souls, like stars, that dwell apart,
In a fellowless firmament;
There are pioneer souls that blaze their paths
Where highways never ran;-
But let me live by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

Let me live in a house
by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by-
The men who are good and the men who are bad,
As good and as bad as I.
I would not sit in the scorner’s seat,
Or hurl the cynic’s ban;-
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I see from my house
by the side of the road,
By the side of the highway of life,
The men who press with the ardor of hope,
The men who are faint with the strife.
But I turn not away from their smiles nor their tears-
Both parts of an infinite plan;-
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened
meadows ahead
And mountains of wearisome height;
That the road passes on through the long afternoon
And stretches away to the night.
But still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice,
And weep with the strangers that moan,
Nor live in my house by the side of the road
Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my
house by the side of the road
Where the race of men go by-
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
Wise, foolish- so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner’s seat
Or hurl the cynic’s ban?-
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

- Sam Walter Foss (1858-1911)

We Are All Enlisted

Through the book of Helaman until the Savior's visitation in chapter 11 of 3rd Nephi, we see a pattern of the Lord calling His prophets to minister among the people, to give them specific instructions and train them in preparation for life's battles.  Most importantly, these prophets stand as witnesses of Christ, of His Divine mission.  They speak as He would speak, they are His mouthpiece.  With all their hearts, these prophets strive to prepare the people to be ready to greet the Lord and give an accounting to Him at the day of His coming. (1)  There are patterns of behavior in how these prophets are received that parallel our modern time.  A pattern of war is also woven consistently through these chapters, applying to our day not just because of the physical conflict among nations in our world but more importantly to the spiritual battles we face almost daily. (2)

Let us for a moment put ourselves in these prophet's shoes.  What was it like for Helaman, for his son Nephi, for Samuel the Lamanite?  What patterns of reception would we witness in the hearts of people if we were called to be the Lord's mouthpiece?

Imagine you've been drafted in the army.  Imagine the war is terribly fierce and the news of casualties from your hometown have been coming in daily, these are people you know and love very dearly.   Your heart is deeply sorrowful for these losses and you desperately yearn to have this conflict ended.  You desire to save as many lives as possible for however long the duration of the war. (3)  You understand that in order to save the lives of others you must make a very clear choice to be a "cause-ualty and not a casualty."(4)

You didn't want to go to war but the enemy has been relentless in their attacks.  A force from the depths of your soul compels you to defend and protect your freedoms, your religion, your family, and your country.  You respond to the call of duty in full faith that the Lord will give you strength beyond your own.(5)

Boot camp pushes you hard and you take your military training very seriously.  You are rigorous in learning and apply every movement, every technique with exactness and honor as it is given to you by your  Chief Captain.  You drill to the point of such precision that when there is a command, you obey it like a reflex - heart, mind, and action.  You trust your Captain! (6)

The time comes for you to rank off to your assigned company.   You are designated to be their new commanding officer.  Imagine your horror when upon arriving you discover almost the whole lot of your regiment is in complete disarray. (7)

Many are fighting among each other, they quarrel and bicker endlessly and some are even becoming blood-thirsty. (8) The ones who are not caught in the sludge of contention are bogged in the mire of contempt.  They laugh at your neatly pressed uniform and snarkilly sneer at the medals on your chest as evidence of stiff and foolish compliance. The war is a joke to them and you are the punchline.  They roll their eyes at all of your instruction and return to their pleasure-parties like dogs to their vomit. (9)

On the other end of the spectrum, there is a small handful among the troops who envy your authority.  They want to be the commanding officer. They "appear" to be faithful and obedient but their motive is not for freedom but for "followers." You can see that they indeed "have followers" in fact, nearly two-thirds of your company is filing off in their direction like mice after the Piper. They secretly spread rumors about you, and scrutinize over your flaws, all the while raising themselves up to be more competent and able to fill your position. (10)  They play the tune of flattery causing their mesmerized disciples to conceitedly puff out their chests and march to the cadence of vain words drenched in ego spewn from lying lips.  Far from unity, these groups that section off seek to pit themselves one above the other with a focus so self-centered, so myopic, you are absolutely dumbfounded by their arrogance! (11) "What good are blind soldiers?!" your spirit shouts in frustration.

There are, however, a few soldiers whose intentions and motives are pure.(12)  They are easy to recognize because when you give a command, they humbly and diligently respond.  Their behavior among the crew is evidence that they care more about the welfare of others than they do their own lives. They respect your position.  They know you have studied the enemies tactics and that you keep direct contact with the Chief Captian.   They are 100% committed to the cause.  You trust them.  "These, I can employ," you think to yourself as you call them together.  Maybe with their example, you can rally others back.(13)

Your numbers are few but like Gideon's army, God has great purpose in working with the seemingly insignificant to ensure that we recognize His hand, that the miracle is evident of a power beyond our own, and to help us refrain from boasting in our own strength.(14)  You and your faithful band fulfill your duties gratefully and honorably.  You rest in perfect confidence that the Chief Captain is leading the way to victory. (15)

This short story is to illustrate the various patterns of reception to the Lord's Servants during the time of the Book of Mormon leading up to the coming of Christ.  We can also recognize these same kind or responses to the Lord's Prophets today as we prepare for His second coming.  Where do we fit in?  Which of these groups do we most identify with?  Each day we choose what kind of soldier we will be for "we are all enlisted 'till the conflict is over." (16)

...............................

(1) Prophets Prepare us for Christ’s Coming

• Declare the word  - Tell the people to repent - Helaman 10:11,12
• “”if this people will repent” - Helaman 11:14
• “blessed are they who will repent and hearken unto God” - Helaman 12:23
• “he prophesied...whatsoever thing the Lord put into his heart” “repentance and faith” “repent and return”- Helaman 13:4-6, 11
• “repent and prepare the way of the Lord” “believe on His name” “repent, repent”- Helaman 14:9,13, 19
• “there began to be men inspired from heaven and sent forth...preaching and testifying boldly of the sins and iniquities of the people.. testifying of redemption which the Lord would make” - 3 Nephi 6:20
• “there mere many ...who testified of the things pertaining to Christ who testified boldly” - 3 Nephi 6:23
• “testified boldly repentance and remission of sins through faith on the Lord Jesus Christ” “minister with power and with great authority”- 3 Nephi 7:16,17

Patterns of Prophets

• “he did observe to keep the statutes, and the judgments, and the commandments of God… and do that which was right in the sight of God continually” - Helaman 3:20
• “preach the word of God all the remainder of his days” - Helaman 4:4
• foundation built on Christ - Helaman 5:12
• “preach with great power” “preach with great power and authority”- Helaman 5:17, 6:5
• “nothing did he speak which was contrary to the commandments of God” - Helaman 8:3
• “pondered upon the things the Lord had shown him” - Helaman 10:2
• declared the word unwearyingly, seek God’s will and not their own - Helaman 10:4,5
• “he prophesied...whatsoever thing the Lord put into his heart” “repentance and faith”- Helaman 13: 4-6
• “had the spirit of revelation and prophecy” - 3 Nephi 3:19
• “disciple of Jesus Christ… called of Him to declare His word” - 3 Nephi 5:12

(2) Book of Mormon Written for Our Day

• “Elder L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained that the Book of Mormon was written for our day: “The major writers of the Book of Mormon fully understood that their writings were primarily for the people of a future generation rather than for the people of their own generation.”

(3) The Battles We Face

• "The war goes on," President Hinckley said. "It is waged across the world over the issues of agency and compulsion. It is waged by an army of missionaries over the issues of truth and error. It is waged in our own lives, day in and day out, in our homes, in our work, in our school associations; it is waged over questions of love and respect, of loyalty and fidelity, of obedience and integrity. We are all involved in it "

(4) Causualties not Casualties

• “ye are free, ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free” - Helaman 14:30,31
• "The Christian life is not casual, but causual.  All nature is a standing protest against the absurdity of expecting to secure spiritual effects, or any effects, without the employment of appropriate causes.  The great teacher dealt what ought to have been the final blow to this infinite irrelevancy by a single question, "Do men gather grapes of thorns or figs of thistles?"- Henry Drummond

(5) Strength Beyond Your Own

• “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philipians 4:13

(6) Trust the Captain

• “the Lord in His great infinite goodness doth bless and prosper those who put their trust in him.” - Helaman 12:1

(7) (8) Contention

• “because of so much contention… they had not kept sufficient guards in the land” - Helaman 1:18
• “a little pride… was in the church, which did cause some little dissensions” “there was much contention and many dissensions” - Helaman 3:1,3
• “murdering, plundering, lying, stealing, committing adultery, great contentions” - Helaman 4:12
• “few contentions concerning points of doctrine laid down by the prophets” “much strife” - Helaman 11:22,23
• “Satan… did go about spreading rumors and contentions”- Helaman 16:22
• “many contentions and dissensions” - 3 Nephi 2:18
• “disputings among the people”- 3 Nephi 6:10
• “return railing for railing” afflict and persecute- 3 Nephi 6:13

(9) (7) Disbelieving and Contemptuous

• “making a mock of the sacred, denying the spirit of prophecy and revelation” - Helaman 4:12
• “dwindle.. disbelieve in the spirit of prophecy… and revelation” - Helaman 4:23
• “they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One - because of their ease and prosperity” - Helaman 12:2
• “slow to remember the Lord their God, and to give ear to his counsels” - Helaman 12:5
• “harden the hearts of the people against that which was good and against that which should come” - Helaman 16:22
• “lyings sent forth among the people by Satan, to harden their hearts, to the intent that they might not believe in the signs and wonders” - 3 Nephi 1:22
• “forget the signs and wonders, less and less astonished at a sign… hard in their hearts, blind in their minds, and began to disbelieve all which they had heard and seen” - 3 Neph 1:2
• “the people had turned from their righteousness, like the dog to his vomit” - 3 Nephi 7:8
• “great doubtings and disputations” - 3 Nephi 7:4

(10) (7) Priest Crafts and Secret Combinations

• “he did flatter them ...that if they would place him in the judgment seat he would grant unto those who belonged to his band that they should be placed in power and authority among the people” - Helaman 2:5
• “secret combinations” - Helaman 3:23
• “the Gadianton robbers did gain many advantages over them” - 3 Nephi 2:18
• sought for power and authority- 3 Nephi 6:15

(11) (7) Boastful and Proud

• “pride which began to enter… into the hearts of the people who professed to belong to the church” - Helaman 3:33
• “pride of their hearts… oppression to the poor… smiting the humble” - Helaman 4:12
• “set their hearts upon riches… seek to get gain … to be lifted up one above another” - Helaman 6:17
• “get gain, to be praised of men… hearts upon riches and vain things.. false witness” - Helaman 7:21
• “wax stronger and stronger in their pride” - Helaman 11:37
• “quick to be lifted up in pride… quick to boast” - Helaman 12:5
• “imagine up in their hearts foolish and vain things” - Helaman 16:22
• “lifted up unto pride and boastings” “began to be distinguished by ranks” - 3 Nephi 6:10,12
• stirred up to iniquity, puffed up with pride, seeking the vain things of this world, willfully rebel - 3 Nephi 6:15,18

(12) Patterns of Righteousness

• “fast and pray oft… wax stronger in humility… firmer in the faith of Christ… yielding their hearts unto God”  joy and consolation in purification and sanctification of their hearts - Helaman 3:35
• foundation built on Christ - Helaman 5:12
• “baptized unto repentance” - Helaman 5:17
• firm and steady in the faith - Helaman 6:1 “firm and steadfast in the faith” “fear to sin - Helaman 15:8,9
• “fellowship, rejoice, and have great joy one with another” - Helaman 6:3
• “lay up treasures in heaven” - Helaman 8:25
• “believe the holy scriptures and the prophecies of the holy prophets” they are led to faith and repentance and a change of heart - Helaman 15:7
• “watch steadfastly for the signs” - 3 Nephi 1:8
• “did not hearken to the robbers… but cried unto the Lord for strength” - 3 Nephi 3:12
• “fortify themselves… put up their prayers unto the Lord” - 3 Nephi 3:25
• “reserved for themselves provisions” - 3 Nephi 3:4, 4:18
• Praised God - 3 Nephi 4:31-33
• “forsook all their sins...their abominations ...their whoredoms, and did serve God with all diligence day and night” - 3 Nephi 5:2
• “humble and penitent before God” would not return the revilings, converted to the true faith, firm and steadfast, keeping the commandments with all diligence and willingness - 3 Nephi 6:13,14
• “baptized… as a witness and a testimony before God, and unto the people, that they had repented and received a remission of their sins” - 3 Nephi 7:25

(13) (3) Save Lives

• “striving with unwearied diligence that they may bring the remainder of their brethren to the knowledge of the truth” - Helaman 15:6
• “unite with their brethren...to maintain their rights, and the privileges of their church and their worship and their freedom and their liberty” - 3 Nephi 2:12

(14) Lest We Boast

• ""The people that are with thee are too many...lest Israel vaunt themselves against me, saying, Mine own hand hath saved me."- Judges 7:2

(15) “The Lord is at the head of this Church, and we all follow His direction. Both men and women need increased faith and testimony of the life and the Atonement of our Lord, Jesus Christ—increased knowledge of His teachings and doctrine.” - M. Russel Ballard

(16) - Hymn #250