Above the Nay-saying and Pessimism

Yesterday, I attended the funeral for a young man, Jeromiah, who passed away a few short months from turning twenty due to complications he suffered with muscular dystrophy.  He had been diagnosed at the age of three and as each year passed, the disease took over his ability to walk, his ability to move his arms, his ability to speak very well, and eventually his entire body--except for very slight movements in a couple fingers. Spending most of his life in a quadriplegic wheelchair, this courageous young man refused to let his spirit be confined.  He graduated from college, was a graphic designer, a blogger, and was preparing to serve a mission for the Church. 

This excerpt from his Salutatory Address inspires me so much.  He said, "Let us be proactive and independent in our minds and motivations, above the nay-saying and pessimism we are sure to encounter. But let us still depend on those who care about us. May we be dependable citizens and reliable community members, to support each other as we go forth into the world and change it for the better." - Jeromiah Drennan

And he certainly changed the world for the better. I'm sure Jeromiah had his days where he struggled to live his own counsel but his accomplishments are proof that he truly practiced what he preached.

It's no surpise to me that he loved the book, Man's Search for Meaning. He completely understood that "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Victor Frankl

Reflecting on all that was shared at the funeral yesterday, I'm compelled to ask myself, "What level of gratitude is in my heart and how can I avoid nay-saying and pessimism? Where do I limit myself? What practices, habits, or self-talk will free my spirit from being confined by the forces of opposition in my life?" 

One other quote given at the services yesterday was this description of the highest education by President Hinckley. I believe this education is more readily achieved when we grasp our true spiritual identity and the true spiritual identity of everyone around us--the untouchable portion of our soul that is of infinite worth to our loving Father in Heaven.

"Each day we are made increasingly aware of the fact that life is more than science and mathematics, more than history and literature. There is need for another education, without which the substance of secular learning may lead only to destruction. I refer to the education of the heart, of the conscience, of the character, of the spirit—these indefinable aspects of our personalities which determine so certainly what we are and what we do in our relationships one with another." - President Gordon B. Hinckley

What beautiful tributes were made to celebrate the life of Jeromiah yesterday! Physically limited but not spiritually bound, this young man may have had a completely immovable body - but oh how his spirit SOARED!!

-Alicia

Clothed, Clothes, and Clothing

What is it about clothing that is so significant with God... and also with the Adversary?  
How is it used to teach us? 
What are some examples of the Lord's way and Satan's way?

It's as old as man on the earth.  When Adam and Eve discovered they were naked in the Garden of Eden,"they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons" (Genesis 3:7)  But interestingly, fig leaves irritate the skin with rashes and blisters (not exactly the kind of clothing I would prefer).

Contrast this with God's approach.  He was merciful to Adam and Eve and unto them "did... make coats of skins, and clothed them." (Genesis 3:21)...What kind of skin? Sheep skin.

In my scripture study this morning, I took note of scriptures that made reference to clothing, clothes or being clothed.  I find it very interesting, especially in these last days, to see  how it is used in these varying contexts.

In the Life of Christ

• Wrapped Him in swaddling clothes, and laid Him in a manger. (Luke 2:7)
• When Jesus entered Jerusalem on the colt, the people rejoiced at His coming and "spread their clothes in the way." (Luke 19:36)
• The Roman soldiers mocked Jesus and "They clothed Him with purple, and plaited a crown of thorns, and put it about His head." (Mark 15:17)
• After the death of Christ on the cross, the Savior's body was "wrapped in clean linen." (Matt 27:59)
• When the Savior comes again, those same twelve apostles who were with Him in his ministry will stand on His right hand "being clothed with robes of righteousness". (D&C 29:12)

Identity Crisis

• "The silks and the scarlets, and the fine-twined linen, and the precious clothing, and the harlots, are the desires of this great and abominable church." (1 Nephi 13:8)
• "They rob the poor because of their fine clothing; and they persecute the meek and the poor in heart, because in their pride they are puffed up." (2 Nephi 28:13)
• Alma rebukes the people and asks, "can ye be puffed up in the pride of your hearts; yea, will ye still persist in the wearing of costly apparel and setting your hearts upon the vain things of the world, upon your riches?" (Alma 5:53)
• Mormon laments many of the members of the church in the last days "save a few only who do not lift themselves up in the pride of their hearts, unto the wearing of very fine apparel". (Mormon 8:36)

True Beauty as Taught by Prophets

• To the meek, broken and heavy-hearted, the Lord has promised to clothe with "the garment of praise". (Isaiah 61:3)
• Peter testifies, "I have coveted no man's silver, or gold, or apparel". (Acts 20:33)
• Peter taught us to "be clothed with humility". (1 Peter 5:5)
• Paul taught that women are to "adorn themselves in modest apparel, with reverence, sobriety; not with broidered hair, or gold, or peals, or costly array". (1 Timothy 2:9)
• Paul also taught us to "be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God" (Ephesians 6:10,11)
• The revelation in D&C 88:125 teaches "Above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity".
• When Moses stood upon the mount and God showed him great visions, he "beheld the heavens open, and [he] was clothed upon with glory".
• Joseph F. Smith had a vision of missionary work in the Spirit world where the Lord "organized His forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority". (D&C 138:30)

After studying these things, I asked myself the following questions:

What is there to be learned from these scriptures, especially in today's fad culture? 

How do we apply this in our individual lives?  

What does Godly clothing look like, is it seen with spiritual or physical eyes, or both?  

How much worth do we place on either kind of clothing?  

How do we identify ourselves? 

Is it really truth we are dressed with... or is it actually "wolves in sheep's clothing"?

... Just some things I've been thinking about...

-Alicia
(Arise and Shine Forth)

Solid Ground

There's this new Christian song I discovered a couple of weeks ago.  Kaylee has heard me play it on a few occasions and now wants to listen to it all the time.  I don't know how much she pays attention to the lyrics but I'm sure the beat is irresistible for her.  Somehow, I hope the words to the song are making an impression too.

I just feel like she's growing up in a world that's plagued with a rampant identity crisis. We're a social media society... No need to be hired by Hollywood anymore, now we can make ourselves the center of attention with the click of a button.  (Don't get me wrong, receiving a little attention isn't bad but I think we need to strictly guard our intent behind it.)  It's so easy to get lost in the endless competition to be one step ahead of the next person, to compare and measure our worth based on the reactions or non-reaction of others.  It's so volatile!! If we aren't careful, we can quickly be sucked into an insatiable hunger for praise and popularity, a lifestyle of endless consumption... and to what end?

I'll admit that I'm not immune to it. I lose sense of my identity too. I've never understood all the hype about manicures, fashionable purses, or matching shoes.... but truth be told, my weak point is make-up.  I've become so dependent on it that I just don't feel beautiful without it.  But whose definition of beauty am I going off of?  It's certainly not God's.

 According to the world's definition, Jesus Christ was not attractive.  Isaiah 53:2 says:
"For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him."

Clearly, the opinion of mainstream's societal vogue is void of authenticity.

The T.A. for my lab class shared this comic strip with us today and it kind-of fits in the context of this post. It just shows how much our identity is horribly tangled up with consumerism.

In Elder Hallstrom's talk from April's 2016's General Conference, he stresses the importance of having a solid understanding of our true identity. "It's foundational" he says... and  he asks the question for today's troubled world, "Who do we lean on for repose?" Do we lean on social acceptance, peer approval, or popular vote?  The constant shifting fads and trends have no capacity to give us a steady footing of who we really are.

When I lose focus of who I truly am and get caught up in the anxieties of modern media, when I'm  feeling discouraged for not measuring up to the latest and greatest,  I'm thankful for songs like this that play in my home.  I know I feel better for listening to these truths.  I hope my girls are listening too.

-Alicia

"Can't Be Moved"
by, Jeremy Camp

I can’t lean on the earthly things
‘Cause it’s broke and gonna fade
And I can’t stand on the dirt below
‘Cause this dust gonna blow away
You say, hey now, follow Me, gonna go to the promise land
You say, hey child, don’t forget that the Lord is coming back

When everything in this world is falling
We have a Kingdom that can’t be moved
People get ready Heaven is a calling
We have a Kingdom that can’t be, that can’t be moved

When the waters rise, don’t be surprised
When the force tries to pull you in
We’ll be found on the solid ground
Won’t be no slave to sin

You say, hey now, trumpet sound, all the saints gonna board the train
You say, hey child, don’t you fear, what’s dead’s gonna rise again

Truth be told, silver and gold ain’t where my treasure’s found
So when I die, gonna open my eyes with a different kind of crown

"Oh Lord, my heart..."

I went to another cottage meeting last night about Comprehensive Sex Education.  My friend Kim, who is an assistant to the president of Family Watch International, spoke again.  They're still in the process of finalizing their documentary and have one more interview from World Congress that remains to be included.  The information is 100% accurate.  I've done my own homework in this and have spent countless hours pouring over and reading through the organizations I learned about at the United Nations last year: Planned Parenthood, International Planned Parenthood Federation, Sexuality Info and Education Council of the United States, United Nations Population Fund and others. The research of Alfred Kinsey, the father of the sexual rights movement, is more painful than my heart can take.  Three-hundred-seventy-one children from ages five months to thirteen years were "experimented" upon, sexually molested and raped in the name of science.  And the curriculum coming out of these organizations strongly tied to this man is approached the same way a pedophile seeks to gain the trust of their victims. It's terribly, terribly sickening.

I got in my car last night and just sobbed for these children.  How could Alfred Kinsey have gotten away with what he did?!... And not only gotten away with it... but how did these organizations who supported him and his research make it off the ground and WHY are they still thriving?

This morning during my scripture study,  I read the verses I've been ponderizing for this week and then opened to where we are reading as a family.  The music of  Paul Cardall, "Gracie's Theme" and "I am a Child of God" played in the background as I read Alma 31: 30-33.  I thought of the innocent who have suffered and continue to suffer and I could not hold back the tears.

O Lord God, how long wilt thou suffer that such wickedness and infidelity shall be among this people? O Lord, wilt thou give me strength, that I may bear with mine infirmities. For I am infirm, and such wickedness among this people doth pain my soul.

 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity of this people.

 O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me.... yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ.

 Wilt thou grant unto them that they may have strength, that they may bear their afflictions which shall come upon them because of the iniquities of this people. - Alma 31: 30-33

My husband walked into the kitchen and greeted me with a morning kiss.  He could see I had been crying and asked with concern what was wrong.  "The children... I'm just thinking about the children." I answered.  "It's hard for me to see that documentary again from Family Watch and to know what the Enemy is doing."  He hugged me understandingly and we discussed for some time about these last days and the hope we find in our Savior.  I pray for greater strength to fight these battles.  I need a strong heart for my soul at this time is in anguish.

-Alicia

Looking On the Heart - Ponderize - Week 20

What is "the heart" of something?... The core, the center, the life-blood.  Today in my scripture study, I cross-referenced back and forth in verses and found myself reading 1 Samuel 16 where David was chosen through the Lord's prophet.

"For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7

In the later verse, David is described as "ruddy, and withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to." Or in the modern language Bible it says David was "the very picture of health—bright-eyed, good-looking."  To me, this makes verse seven all the more significant. Someday David would become feeble and elderly and he'd lose that "picture of health." But that's not where the Lord was looking.

There's no way around it in life for any of us.   We all will grow old some day and with the price the world puts on appearances, we may wish and hope for a fountain of youth wherewith we could somehow switch out our inevitable cup of age and fragility. But at last, this cannot be.

We learn very young to analyze, observe, judge, and study... we do this through our first physical senses and most especially with our eyes.  But the "Lord seeth not as man seeth."  There is something incredible about God's vision that He wants us to discover here in this life.  There is so much beyond our physical experience.

From this last General Conference, Elder Bednar related this touching story:

"Several years ago I spent a Sunday afternoon with Elder Hales in his home as he was recovering from a serious illness. We discussed our families, our quorum responsibilities, and important experiences.

At one point I asked Elder Hales, 'You have been a successful husband, father, athlete, pilot, business executive, and Church leader. What lessons have you learned as you have grown older and been constrained by decreased physical capacity?'

Elder Hales paused for a moment and responded, 'When you cannot do what you have always done, then you only do what matters most.'"

Our Spirit is our core, our very center, the heart of who we are and who we will become and this is the means by which God judges, He sees, He communicates, and He loves.  Focusing on the true identity of others and nurturing /cultivating the Divine within ourselves (our heart, our Spirit) is the key to real lasting magnificent beauty, the kind that will never grow old, for the soul is evergreen...

-Alicia

"This is my desire consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful" by, Needtobreathe

"Zion Shall Not Be Moved" -Ponderize - Week 19

These last couple of days I haven't been able to decide on a scripture to ponderize for the week.  After this evening, I have finally chosen one.

I attended a cottage meeting tonight that Big Ocean hosted where two of my friends presented.  Mother and author, Nicholeen Peck, spoke and so did JaKell Sullivan, who has been a strong voice against Common Core for many years now.  My friend Kim Ells, assistant for Family Watch International, showed an informative and extremely disturbing video on what is entailed in the Comprehensive Sex Education Curriculum that the Federal Gov. is trying to push in every State. (They've already succeeded in some.)

It wasn't really new information to me since I heard a great deal about these teachings when I went to the United Nations and World Congress last year.  I knew these disgusting  publications were being distributed to youth through the International Planned Parenthood Federation and our own Planned Parenthood. It's just now their teachings are getting published into our education system and encapsulated in words like "sexual health" so it's "easier" for schools to choke it down their throats.

It grieves my soul and inflicts great sorrow upon my heart to see something so wonderful, so beautiful, so sacred, this very real sacrament with God, cheapened, trampled, exploited, and dragged through the mire.  It's a clear shot bullet to the heads of our innocent children.

This is a very real war and the firing squad is mowing down our babies.  People  just don't understand how very serious this is. I would encourage every parent I know to get informed.  http://www.comprehensivesexualityeducation.org/

Sometime tomorrow I should be able to get access to the 20 min. video my friend Kim showed tonight.  When I do, I'll be certain to share it.

I have no doubt that we will witness in the next few years a massive division take place all across the globe.  It's happening now.  But we must not lose heart... with that division also means there will be a great unification.  People of all faiths, all nations, all races and backgrounds are coming together to combat these attacks.  I've seen it.

I really need a verse that is hopeful to ponderize this week to help me remember this:

 "Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God. Zion shall not be moved out of her place, notwithstanding her children are scattered.  They that remain, and are pure in heart, shall return, and come to their inheritances, they and their children, with songs of everlasting joy, to build up the waste places of Zion."— D&C 101:16 - 18

-Alicia

Love Isn't Blind

It seems to me that the trends of the world often follow the pattern of what I call "shallow love."  So many relationships leave no room for imperfection in one another and therefore leave no room for growth.  When the going gets tough or if anything dissatisfies... they abandon everything.

C.S. Lewis observed this about Gods love and maybe we can apply something of this pattern in our own lives with everyone we come in contact with:

"To see in some measure, like God.  His love and His knowledge are not distinct from one another, nor from Him.  We could almost say He sees because He loves, and therefore loves although He sees." 

 "He loves although He sees."  Think about it for a moment! "He loves although He sees."  I believe that is what endears us to the Savior's heart.  That is the quality that makes us comfortable to fall before Him as our imperfect selves.  There is no piece of us that is hidden, He sees the good, the bad, and the ugly in our souls... and yet He loves us still.  

In this Shakespeare Sonnet, observe how he describes love.  It is unchanging even when it finds reason to change and sees the infinite worth even when the person may not "measure up" to it. 

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,

That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come;

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

 If this be error and upon me proved,

 I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 

I really like where Shakespeare describes that true love "bears it out even to the edge of doom."  It reminds me of the verse I'm pondering this week on charity.  

After the Apostle Paul describes this wonderful virtue he warns us that we don't see the full picture and even don't understand our own hearts but the Lord does and eventually we will see clearly through Him.

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as I am known” (1 Cor. 13:12).

Pure and Christlike love always evokes and promotes feelings of unity, appreciation, and gentleness...  never discord, dissension, or hostility.  We are covenant people who have taken upon us the name of Christ and our behavior should reflect that same kind of perfect charity... to "love although [we] see."

Finally, I'll close this post with some thoughts from President Eyring in 1998

The sacramental prayer can remind us every week of how the gift of unity will come through obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ. When we keep our covenants to take His name upon us, to remember Him always, and to keep all His commandments, we will receive the companionship of His Spirit. That will soften our hearts and unite us. But there are two warnings which must come with that promise.

First, the Holy Ghost remains with us only if we stay clean and free from the love of the things of the world. A choice to be unclean will repel the Holy Ghost. The Spirit only dwells with those who choose the Lord over the world. “Be ye clean” (3 Ne. 20:41; D&C 38:42) and love God with all your “heart, … might, mind, and strength” (D&C 59:5) are not suggestions but commandments. And they are necessary to the companionship of the Spirit, without which we cannot be one.

The other warning is to beware of pride. A unity which comes to a family or to a people softened by the Spirit will bring great power. With that power will come recognition from the world. Whether that recognition brings praise or envy, it could lead us to pride. That would offend the Spirit. There is a protection against pride, that sure source of disunity. It is to see the bounties which God pours upon us not only as a mark of His favor but an opportunity to join with those around us in greater service. A man and his wife learn to be one by using their similarities to understand each other and their differences to complement each other in serving one another and those around them. In the same way, we can unite with those who do not accept our doctrine but share our desire to bless the children of our Heavenly Father.


We can become peacemakers, worthy to be called blessed and the children of God (see Matt. 5:9).

...........
- It's a new day. Let's seek for and choose opportunities to "see through the glass" with clarity, with the Spirit, with the eyes of Christ.

-Alicia

Escaping The Vacuum Cycle of Self

"Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties
'cause it's cooooold out there today. It's coooold out there every day."
- Groundhog Day (1993)

She hated the movie but I loved it!
My cousin Julia, rolled her eyes and groaned as the credits trailed up the screen, "That was THE dumbest show I have ever seen!"
"Come on, Julia, it wasn't that bad." I said encouragingly.  "There are some serious life lessons to be learned from it."
We made our way toward the exit of the theater. My cousin looked at me questioning, "Life lessons? You're so weird Alicia."
"Hey, I feel like that was money well spent," I said defensively. "It made me think about what we do with our choices every day and how we need to learn to live with purpose and not be so wrapped up in ourselves."

Needless to say, my cousin never watched Groundhog Day again but I did... probably about as many times as Phil Connors relived February 2nd.  It's interesting to me how many recycled wasted days Phil went through before he began some real introspection and experienced a mighty change of heart.

In my recent scripture study I've been reading the teachings of Alma and Amulek.  My "ponderize" verse last week was from Alma 7.  But I keep going back and thinking about a couple of crucial questions that the prophet poses in Alma 5:28, 29, "Are ye stripped of pride?" and "Is there one among you who is not stripped of envy?... if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God."
It coincides perfectly with the poem that Rita recites to Phil in the diner scene when he's cramming his face full of food trying to absorb all the possible pleasures, an awful image of gluttony.

"The wretch, concentred all in self,

Living, shall forfeit fair renown,

And, doubly dying, shall go down

To the vile dust from whence he sprung,

Unwept, unhonour’d, and unsung."

- Sir Walter Scott

In my American Heritage class we are learning about avarice or greed - the driving force behind most of the passions in human nature.  Studying this in two places (at school and in my scriptures) has led me to do some introspection and really examine my own heart.  

I'll be the first to admit how easy it is for me to pass judgment on others and see where they have the mote in their eye.  It's hard to really recognize the beam in my own because when I do that's when the pain of realization hits like a 2X4, "I need to change."

I discovered an Ensign article last week, “Stripped of Envy” by Pam Wilson Vandenaker.  Something about the way she describes things struck me and I can see that I am not stripped of this ugly vice.  We live in such a competitive world.  It's so easy to "see" the achievements of others as we parade them so proudly on our Instagram and Facebook walls. There are some people who I can sincerely compliment and cheer on in their achievements.  But there are others who I feel as if their "boasting" is never ending and nauseating. I struggle to say anything that would enforce their ego and add more hot air to their blimpish head.

It bothers me that this bothers me.... does that make sense?

Withholding praise is a form of pride.  I know this but I withhold from those who I think cannot possibly handle anymore. Maybe it's not their conceit that gets under my skin so much... maybe if I'm honest with myself, it bothers me because I feel inferior?

If I feel inferior because another woman is obviously prettier, more organized, more graceful, more witty, or more fun than I am....
Where does that say my focus is??? "All in self."

I must have more pride and envy in my heart than I dare to admit.

 "Betsy Cohen, in her book The Snow White Syndrome: All about Envy (1986), notes that many of us 'have inner standards of excellence and perfection that are hard or impossible to meet', often causing emotional pain. We may have a hard time admitting mistakes and living with imperfections. If not careful, says the author, we can end up envious of those who seem to achieve more or who seem more comfortable being imperfect."- Pam Wilson Vandenaker

"Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those." - Jeffrey R Holland

So how do we overcome this universal sin?.....

.... I believe it can achieved by one simple virtue: GRATITUDE.

Yes, we vary in skill, in beauty, in achievement, but like the laborers in the vineyard, at the end of the day we all receive the same generous heavenly reward... a reward that we really don't deserve but are nevertheless given because God is so graciously good and kind.

I love the words of Francesca Battistelli:

"Spent today in a conversation In the mirror face to face with somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart and made Something out of nothing

I don't need my name in lights I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake He knows my name
I'm not living for applause I'm already so adored 
It's all His stage He knows my name "

When this is my perspective.... The envy, the pride, the competition naturally begin to fall away.  I lose concern for my own image and think more of God's image.  What else matters?  I become filled with a sense of awe and wonder... GRATEFUL for the knowledge that I mean everything to God and so do all the sisters and brothers around me.  I want to strive to share this truth more... to seek to complete the souls of others and not compete.

I find freedom when I accept Christ's grace for me and recognize that it is sufficient, it is enough and I don't need to be better, smarter or prettier than anyone.  In Him, I have my everything, in Him, I am made whole and complete despite all that I so obviously lack from being human.

- Alicia

Even Superman

I must have been about 6 or 7 years old when I had this dream: I had it a few times and so I've never forgotten it: I was walking up the hill towards my school and was several blocks away when out of the blue, Superman swooped me into his arms. We were flying just above the trees and I was stunned with disbelief at who was carrying me. I asked him, "Where are we going?" And he answered as if it should have been obvious, "Why to school, of course!" Then he flew a little lower to the trees and plucked me a banana.  I thanked him for the gift and said, "I just love bananas." He smiled dashingly and responded, "I know."

At that age, I was crazy in love with Christopher Reeve and my brother had a Superman poster of him in his room that I constantly gawked at. I’m sure it was just the result of me watching one too many Superman movies while eating peanut butter-banana sandwiches before bedtime. Either way, this is most certainly where my obsession began.

1996

 In 1996, about 11 years after my dream of flying to school with my favorite hero, I started signing my name with a star, symbolically meant to fit the Superman symbol at the center.

Through all these years, I've never stopped signing my name with that special star because I believed in a power within me, a power that reaches beyond anything in this world.

This morning I studied in Personal Progress under Individual Worth.  The value goal encouraged us to study our patriarchal blessings along with a few conference talks on the subject of our divine mission.  Whatever the Lord calls us to do in life, I believe He qualifies us for.  I believe that through His strength, all things are possible, even the seemingly insurmountable.

Audrey Hepburn once said, "There is no such thing as impossible, the word itself says, 'I'm possible'"  I believe this is true not because of our own making but because we are sons and daughters of God, the most powerful being in the universe!  It's humbling, when you really think about it (and that's not a bad thing, it's good to be humble.)  We are less than dust without Him and we should recognize this everyday and always... but I don't think He wants us to forget our true identity.  We are not of this world, we are "spiritual beings having a human experience."  I guess you could say that's what the  "S" in my signature has come to mean "Spirit daughter of God." Or "Strength in the Savior."

Yesterday, I was depressed because I have this dream of changing the world (even if it's just one person at a time) and well...  I felt like in my sincere effort, all the doors were being slammed in my face.

The Relief Society Lesson from Howard W. Hunter on Adversity was encouraging for me.  "Doors close regularly in our lives, and some of those closings cause genuine pain and heartache. But I do believe that where one such door closes, another opens (and perhaps more than one), with hope and blessings in other areas of our lives that we might not have discovered otherwise." I reflected on this quote again and again.  Soon these words from one of my favorite Ryan Shupe songs began to play over in my mind as if it was on repeat:

"Give me eyes to see 

to perceive, to believe, to imagine the possibility 

the possibilities"

I prayed, "What is there to discover?  What is there to learn?  What other doors will open because of the ones that have been shut?  If I've hit a wall it just means there's another way through it."  The Lord doesn't send us on missions to fail. The Lord has shown me glimpses of what He expects of me and I've been giving it my very best shot.  Heaven knows I have. But sometimes I question my very best efforts especially when I keep getting shut out.  Why do I keep trying?

As I studied about patriarchal blessings this morning and my particular mission, the words from the song danced around in my head again:

"Give me eyes to see 

to perceive, to believe, to imagine the possibility 

the possibilities"

I finally went to my Spotify to play it in full. In doing so, it drew me into more Ryan Shupe songs and I couldn't help but reminisce on another favorite of mine.  It just seemed appropriate with all that I've been feeling.

I know who I am. I am a daughter of God with incredible worth and power because of His grace and the capital "S" that is part of my very being.  However hard I try, I can't do it on my own.  I get discouraged sometimes from the hurt and pain the effort causes and need to remind myself that it's for my good.   Rejection, weaknesses, difficulties, misunderstandings, and sorrow all help to keep me humble and on my knees before the One who makes all things possible for me.  I just need to remember this.

"Even giants fall

And every dog eventually has its day

And Achilles has a heel

And even bones of steel can break

And even Superman, even Superman

Even Superman, even Superman, yeah

'Cause even Superman has kryptonite

And though he tries with all his might

Even Superman falls to his knees

Beggin', "Please, please, please, please"

"And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

With my Savior... I'll make it through whatever changes may come. 

-Alicia

Greater is He

I drove my kids to their Monday/Wednesday class this morning and heard this song on the radio.  I love the lyrics, I know they are true!  Before my kids ran off, I kissed them and said, "Never forget that there is nothing you can't overcome with God.  He lives within you because you are His children."  My son, Micah, smiled but didn't say anything.  Kaylee kissed me back as usual and skipped off.  I watched as Micah held the door open for his little sister.  A sense of pride filled my heart.  I wonder where their lives will take them?  What giants will they face and what will be the storm-tossed sea they will have to learn to step out onto?  I pray they will always remember who they are and that with faith in Christ... all things are possible.

"Greater Is He"

by, Blanca

(1 John 4:4)

I face a giant

In over my head

Help me to look up

I take a deep breath

And take the next step

Though I may be weak

I know Who is with me

And greater is He living in me

Than he who is in the world

Whatever may come, His strength is enough

My heart is at peace, for greater is He

I face an ocean

The waves are raging

Help me to look up

You’ll do what I can’t

And I’ll walk on dry land

I’ll step out on the sea

‘Cause I know who is with me

And in His name, giants will fall

And in His name, oceans will part

And in His name, there’s nothing we won’t overcome

This is our God, this is our God

This is our God, this is our God

-Alicia :)

The Soul of Man Has Been Given Wings

When my oldest son was around one year old, I decided to read the book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull. It's a short read but teaches an eternal lesson about our individual worth and the power of desire and faith.  Every time I think of the soul of man flying, I remember this book and the parable of the seagull who learned to rise above his fears, his circumstances, his limitations, his sorrow, and explore a world of new and endless possiblities.

"Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly."

(Richard Bach - Jonathan Livingston Seagull)

This "way to fly" facinates me.  It is built into our spiritual DNA, it's what we're born to do.  We are not creatures of this world... We're only "strangers passing through." (1 Chronicles 29:15)  Our real home is heaven. (Hebrews 13:14)  We must lift our eyes to who we really are and who we really will be. (Jacob 4:13).

No matter how dark this world ever  becomes or the struggles we might be called to face in the future, I pray we will never lose hope.  God is aware of us, He hears our prayers and every ache we can't express.  He pours out His Grace & His words like rain in a dessert land, and will safely guide us through.  All will be well.  No matter what happens or how our lives unfold, whether it is what we expect or not, there is a bright and gloriously happy future ahead. We can trust this!

To all of those I love,

"...Can you hear me? 

Wherever you are look up... 

The clouds are lifting.  

The sun is breaking through.

We are coming out of the darkness and into the light.  

We are coming into a new world, a kindly world, 

Where men will rise above their hate, their greed, and brutality.

Look up... 

The soul of man has been given wings 

and at last he is begining to fly!  

He is flying into the rainbow, into the Light of hope, 

Into the future, the glorious future 

That belongs to you, to me, and to all of us!  

Look up... look up!"

- (Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator)

Keep your eyes open and fixed on God above, on the Light of hope. If we are constantly  striving to love as He loves, to learn of Him, to learn meekness... then our heavenly home will be as close as we believe it to be.

Always remember,
"To fly as fast as thought, to anywhere that is, you must begin by knowing that you have already arrived."

- (Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull)

-Alicia

Diving Deep

We spent most of Labor Day kayaking and paddle-boarding with my best friend and her family near the north part of Utah Lake.  We had a blast!

Now, anyone who is familiar with this lake knows exactly how shallow it is. The average depth is 9ft and doesn't exceed 14.  (This year I was told it hasn't exceeded 12ft.) From certain vantage points it looks full and beautiful but when a person enters into its waters they soon realize it doesn't take much to stir up heaps of sludgy mud.  The lack of depth also reveals its vulnerability, how close the lake is to evaporating into an empty crusty bed.  In fact, nearly half of the lake 41% dries up every year.

 Since our little one-day vacation, the word "shallow" has been on my mind.  This is the word I would choose to describe the superficial life, one that is nothing but "an act," "a show" used to hide what's really underneath. Like the lake, it's the life that has all the appearance of refreshing beauty but is really mostly mud.

It's easy to recognize this kind of facade among the Hollywood stars of today.  But I think since the invention of the Internet, YouTube, and social media, almost anyone can "make themselves a star."  And just like the actors on the silver screen,  for fear or hope of everyone watching, we all become tempted to "keep up our own appearances."  In today's world we don't need street corners to sound our trumpets...  We just need a screen with Internet access.

I think this is why I sometimes struggle to know what to write here.  Of course, I'm not saying in order for people to be real or to show depth, that they need to go onto social media and air all their dirty laundry, or show all their worst sides.  There are somethings I've shared or started to share on my blog but have then decided it's a little too personal and so I'll archive it into my off-site journal.

I guess what I'm getting at is this; I don't care the size of the audience, if there's an audience at all, it's easy to fall into a trap of "appearances" of keeping "one eye in the mirror."  - bragging or boasting, attempting to paint a self-portrait that shows me better than I really am, or understanding more about the Gospel, about motherhood, or just life in general than I really do.

Of course, the Lord doesn't want me to hide my faith under a bushel. (D&C 60:2, Matt 5:15-16) He has commanded me to make this known but it must be done with the sole concern that "God is my audience."  Anything else is vanity.

Elder Robert D. Hales warned, "We make poor and irrational decisions if we are motivated by fear: fear of man, fear of not being popular, fear of failure, fear of public opinion.

As Saul said to Samuel, 'I have sinned: for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord, and thy words: because I feared the people, and obeyed their voice.' (1 Sam. 15:24)" - Robert D. Hales 1988 "Making Righteous Choices at the Crossroads of Life"  

Saul's sin was not so much in what he did but what he feared.  Keep in mind, it was the fear of other's opinions that caused people to reject the Tree of Life.  (1 Nephi 8:27, 28,  1 Nephi 11:36)  A perfect illustration of  what it looks like to sell the sacred.

So I've been praying lately that the Lord will help me understand my own heart.  I'm diving deep to really analyze my own motives.  Do I have even an ounce of "the fear of man?"  I suppose that some of the finest souls who have ever lived, at one point or another, have struggled with the "fear of man.".  Moroni, the great Book of Mormon prophet, is an example;  He worried about what people would say or think of his weakness.  The Lord's gentle rebuke to this was, "Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness" (Ether 12:26)  

"His grace is sufficient" means to me that I don't need anything else, I don't need to be accepted or understood, or "approved of" by anyone but Him.  Being Christ-Centered brings so much peace and allows living water to flow freely into my soul, to expand its depth and lose the risk of being unsustainable and shallow.  I'm so far from where I want to be but I take comfort the Lord knows my name, He knows my heart.... and that's all that really matters.

-Alicia

The Gift of Charity

The three-part series of books Elder David A. Bednar has written, all come with an interactive CD with segments corresponding to each chapter.  Being out of school for a semester, I'm able to dive back into this study and it's been so great!  This morning as I was listening to some of these segments and I was particularly struck by this discussion Elder Bednar had with a woman in the audience.  

Woman:    In your book, “Act in Doctrine”, you talk about that ultimately the gift of Charity posses us – we don’t posses it.  How do we know if Charity is possessing us?

Elder Bednar:    You’ll have to listen carefully to this answer –ok.  It will strike a little abruptly - given  the nature of your question.  
I really believe that the more we have [charity], the more we quit wondering if we have it...  We get in a mode of  “I want to get this” and I would suggest that the very mode of “I want to get this” gets in the way of us getting it... It's a turn to the Savior because we’re trying to get this but there’s a little bit of looking back.  A spiritual gift like Charity is when it’s about blessing somebody else, it’s not about us being able to say “yeah, I got this”… the more we get out of the way, the more it can be brought to us.

I believe what Elder Bednar is teaching here is the same concept C.S. Lewis illustrates about humility when the Satan figure in his book, Uncle Screwtape, is teaching his nephew, Wormwood, how to destroy a Christian;

"Your patient has become humble; have you drawn his attention to the fact? All virtues are less formidable to us once the man is aware that he has them, but this is especially true of humility. Catch him at the moment when he is really poor in spirit and smuggle into his mind the gratifying reflection, 'By jove! I’m being humble', and almost immediately pride—pride at his own humility—will appear. If he awakes to the danger and tries to smother this new form of pride, make him proud of his attempt—and so on, through as many stages as you please"

The Lord wants us to seek after the gift of Charity, in fact we are commanded to "pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that we may be filled with this love" (Moroni 7:48)  But in order for it to be bestowed, our "eye must be single to the glory of God" and it must not be exploited to get personal gain, to "look good, or appear good" or to glorify ourselves in any way.  Our hearts must be sincere and our motives must be pure.  

"True meekness has a metabolism that actually requires very little praise or recognition—of which there is usually such a shortage anyway. Most of the time, the sponge of selfishness quickly soaks up everything in sight, including praise intended for others." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

I think the same can be said about true charity.

Elder Maxwell warns, "Be careful of the natural man’s milder expressions—craving for credit and rustling for recognition. Alas, so often the hearts and even the moral agency of others can be crushed in the search for self-glorification."

C. S. Lewis explained this teaching of the Savior: “The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first—wanting to be the centre—wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan"

President Gordon B. Hinckley would say, “He who lives only unto himself withers and dies, while he who forgets himself in the service of others grows and blossoms in this life and in eternity.”

This is what I want to learn - to forget mySELF, but I must remember “that the very mode of ‘I want to get this’ gets in the way of [me] getting it…. A spiritual gift like Charity is when it’s about blessing somebody else" The whole entire idea of "self" must be taken out of the equation.

I think a great talk to go with these thoughts I've had today was given in April 2009 by Dallin H. Oaks - "Unselfish Service"  I'm so thankful for the wisdom and counsel of these wise men who have been called of God to help keep me in the right way.  I need their guidance.  

-Alicia