Now, anyone who is familiar with this lake knows exactly how shallow it is. The average depth is 9ft and doesn't exceed 14. (This year I was told it hasn't exceeded 12ft.) From certain vantage points it looks full and beautiful but when a person enters into its waters they soon realize it doesn't take much to stir up heaps of sludgy mud. The lack of depth also reveals its vulnerability, how close the lake is to evaporating into an empty crusty bed. In fact, nearly half of the lake 41% dries up every year.
Since our little one-day vacation, the word "shallow" has been on my mind. This is the word I would choose to describe the superficial life, one that is nothing but "an act," "a show" used to hide what's really underneath. Like the lake, it's the life that has all the appearance of refreshing beauty but is really mostly mud.
It's easy to recognize this kind of facade among the Hollywood stars of today. But I think since the invention of the Internet, YouTube, and social media, almost anyone can "make themselves a star." And just like the actors on the silver screen, for fear or hope of everyone watching, we all become tempted to "keep up our own appearances." In today's world we don't need street corners to sound our trumpets... We just need a screen with Internet access.
I think this is why I sometimes struggle to know what to write here. Of course, I'm not saying in order for people to be real or to show depth, that they need to go onto social media and air all their dirty laundry, or show all their worst sides. There are somethings I've shared or started to share on my blog but have then decided it's a little too personal and so I'll archive it into my off-site journal.
I guess what I'm getting at is this; I don't care the size of the audience, if there's an audience at all, it's easy to fall into a trap of "appearances" of keeping "one eye in the mirror." - bragging or boasting, attempting to paint a self-portrait that shows me better than I really am, or understanding more about the Gospel, about motherhood, or just life in general than I really do.
Of course, the Lord doesn't want me to hide my faith under a bushel. (D&C 60:2, Matt 5:15-16) He has commanded me to make this known but it must be done with the sole concern that "God is my audience." Anything else is vanity.
Elder Robert D. Hales warned, "We make poor and irrational decisions if we are motivated by fear: fear of man, fear of not being popular, fear of failure, fear of public opinion.
As Saul said to Samuel, 'I have sinned: for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord, and thy words: because I feared the people, and obeyed their voice.' (1 Sam. 15:24)" - Robert D. Hales 1988 "Making Righteous Choices at the Crossroads of Life"
Saul's sin was not so much in what he did but what he feared. Keep in mind, it was the fear of other's opinions that caused people to reject the Tree of Life. (1 Nephi 8:27, 28, 1 Nephi 11:36) A perfect illustration of what it looks like to sell the sacred.
So I've been praying lately that the Lord will help me understand my own heart. I'm diving deep to really analyze my own motives. Do I have even an ounce of "the fear of man?" I suppose that some of the finest souls who have ever lived, at one point or another, have struggled with the "fear of man.". Moroni, the great Book of Mormon prophet, is an example; He worried about what people would say or think of his weakness. The Lord's gentle rebuke to this was, "Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness" (Ether 12:26)
"His grace is sufficient" means to me that I don't need anything else, I don't need to be accepted or understood, or "approved of" by anyone but Him. Being Christ-Centered brings so much peace and allows living water to flow freely into my soul, to expand its depth and lose the risk of being unsustainable and shallow. I'm so far from where I want to be but I take comfort the Lord knows my name, He knows my heart.... and that's all that really matters.
-Alicia
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