Give Me a Revelation

We looked for some homes in Springville the other day.  As my husband and I rode out there we both felt, "This is too far."  We took the tour quickly because it seemed so pointless after getting the impression we did.

I spoke with my friend, Jed, yesterday who told me the story of how he and his wife found their first home in our neighborhood.  They prayed about where to move not ever living in Provo before and practically mapped out our current ward boundaries.  They drove around looking for a house up for sale and found nothing.  Then a few days later, Jed had the impression to drive down that same street again and a guy was just walking out with a "For Sale by Owner" sign.  He knew instantly that was where they were to move.
What I wouldn't give to have that kind of clear revelation!
Just put the sign up for us, Lord, right as I'm driving by!

I knelt in earnest prayer this morning begging for my Father in Heaven to give us some direction.  I felt the impression come to me.  "I already have.  You knew this was where you were supposed to be eight years ago, either in the 11th ward or the 3rd ward, it didn't really matter... this was right where you were supposed to be."
I prayed again, "Yes, but is it where we are meant to stay?  Because I'm having a hard time determining Thy will from my own desires.  I cannot seem to pull myself away from this place.  Every fiber of my being wants to stay here but at the same time, I don't want to resist direction otherwise."

Perhaps part of the pull that draws me in are the unanswered questions to all of my "coincidental" experiences here... and that maybe... somehow by sticking around a little longer, I'll discover more pieces to the puzzle.  I've shared so much of my story but have hardly seen the other half and I've just got to know more!  Nevertheless, not my will but "as thou wilt".

I'm praying for my heart to be open to other places.  Tonight, we will go and look at a home in the far south-west part of Provo.  Dear Father, I pray.  Help us to know, please show us.  Is my heart blocking the way or do I follow it?  Because if I follow my heart, it's already here!

-Alicia

Thy Will Be Done

Not letting go!

I can't sleep. Normally, sleep is never an issue for me.  I must be having such a hard time with this move.  I so desperately do not want to leave this place that I love so very, very much!

We've decided that we don't want to rent anymore, we just want our own home.  If we do rent again, it could only be for a very short time, a month-to-month, because we are anxious to have a permanent place for our foster children.  Any kind of move would mean they would be absorbed back into the hands of others in the foster community until we had a home that has been officially evaluated and meets State regulations for being foster ready. (A process which can take several weeks maybe months.) We've decided that foster care will have to be on hold until we find a permanent place to avoid any additional disruption in these children's lives.  But foster kids or not, it's just a massive hassle to move from here to a temporary location, only to move again.

My husband and I have lived five other places since we were first married... it's been so nice to stay here as long as we have.  If it weren't for the struggles we've had with our landlady, we could live here forever.

Saturday evening we spent a lot of time searching online for homes, condos, or town-homes (anything a little larger than what we have here).  We won't give up the search but it seems that nothing large enough for our family is under $200K in our ward. We had a special fast as a family yesterday, even our friends, the Wilsons, fasted together for us. My friend, Carol, called me and advised me to stay close to the Spirit and to not narrow my options to just this ward or Stake but to seek first where the Lord would have us be.  She is a wise woman and I'm so glad for the day I miraculously met her.  We will have no problems staying in close touch.

Yesterday in church, we had so many friends offer to help us and I kept feeling this mixture of gratitude, joy, pain, sorrow, and loss.  One moment I'd be smiling and the next I'd have tears streaming down my face.

I want to do all I can to stay connected to this place I call home.  The visits may be fewer and farther between but I could never leave this beautiful place completely: No, not after what I've experienced and not after the dreams I've had.   To disconnect completely would be too much for my soul to bear.  This will be tough no matter what but I can see myself dancing my way through it. ;) I pray there will be lots of dances.  This place I call home has changed my life, my whole world, everything!!  It cannot be forgotten.  It has "awakened me out of a deep sleep".  It helped me remember my mission, my dreams, and all I want to become.  I am forever grateful!

I will continue on with BYU: I will not let go and I'll continue to reach for my dream that I've had for so many years of being an inspiring writer and speaker.  Down the road, I can envision myself taking my words and using them as a tool to be a powerful advocate, a voice for the importance of the family, especially for children, for foster children, and defender of the sanctity of life.  I am confident that my experiences in the future with both formal education and fostering will help to make my voice heard loud and clear in the courthouses, in the schools, and in the communities.  There are many good things to come.
Just watch and see....
I'm gonna Carpe this Diem!!!

-Alicia :)

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At Peace

"Patience is being at peace with the process of life."

In just the past few days, my email has been overloaded with over 20 messages about training sessions, support groups, and family events within the foster care community.  It's exciting for me to see how much these groups rally around each other. I've got a feeling I'm gonna like being in the midst of it all.  It's very humbling to be able to rub shoulders with some extremely incredible people.  I feel like they all have so much to teach me.   One of the directors (who has 2 bio children and 15 adopted)  had this quote attached to his email that I really liked.  It's such a simple yet profound statement: "Patience is being at peace with the process of life."

I think I need this now more than ever.  We just got an eviction notice from our landlady.  She didn't give a reason for wanting us to leave just told us we have 30 days to do so.  She's a very difficult woman to work with.  We're not the first with this complaint... all the tenants who have moved out of here in the last couple of years have had some serious struggles with her.  She was fine with us for all these years because we never complained or asked for anything. In fact, while living here, I took care of most of the repairs and only asked that the cost of the part or fixture be taken from the rent.

But when we started going the way of foster care, there were several things we needed to have fixed up before we had our home study.  With a home study our place has to be approved by the State and meet certain requirements.  So, I called our landlady in and addressed a few issues.  I actually felt like our communication that day went well.  She toured the apartment with me and agreed that there were several neglected areas that fell under her responsibility. But then she said something on the way out the door that was a red flag; She said, "I don't like the idea of you bringing more children into this place one bit.  I'm going to have to think about this."  I explained to her that legally we fit just fine.  It didn't matter.  The truth is, she just doesn't like children in general: toys on the grass, the mud Miriam loves to play in, bikes and skateboards that fill the racks.  The concrete stairs outside had been eroding from weather and corrosion from salt and she told Joseph on the phone that she was certain our children had been chipping away at them.  She wants to rent the whole place out to newly married or college students because she won't have children to deal with.  Her obsession with order and having everything fit perfectly into her plans has made her so extremely uptight that I wonder how she ever survived having 7 children!!  I feel very sorry for her.  I can't imagine what she would have done if she had ever stumbled across one of our skate parties.  I think she would have had a heart-attack right there.

A few years ago, our neighbor tried planting some tomatoes in a weed-covered area.  Our neighbor fixed the soil real nice and made a beautiful patch of garden.  Our landlady came in, ripped it up and poured an ugly slab of concrete over it.  This year when my husband and I found a weedy area and did the same, planting mint leaves and tomatoes, she said to us, "I don't think your garden is going to work out for you because I just put year-round weed and plant killer in that soil so nothing can grow there."  We said we'd take our chances.  Of course, she didn't like that at all.

Speaking of gardens...
What was that word I needed to remember again??  Oh yeah... Patience!
I really do believe this whole thing is a blessing in disguise.  And surprisingly, it kind-of sprung Joseph OUT of his depression that I posted about yesterday.  He's so happy to be done with this landlady.  He's been wanting to move but couldn't really decide.  Now the decision is set for us and made that part easier for him.  For this, I am very grateful.

Off the fly last night, we threw together a skate party with some of the other tenants and a few old friends.  Joseph came out and celebrated with us.  He hopped on the Ripstik and danced to some music.  I was very, very proud of him!!

We're trying to keep our heads up.  I couldn't sleep last night and I've cried a lot.  There are people here that I just can't bear to leave.  I feel like half of my body is being severed from me!! My heart is aching, it's just completely broken.  Nevertheless, I am at peace.  I really believe this will be a good change.  We will need a bigger place to foster.  In fact both of us think we may end up fostering, perhaps adopting more than two children.  Heck!  We might even end up like our director with 15 more! Ha ha!

-Alicia

Handle With Care!

"Respite /ˈrespət,rēˈspīt/ = a short period of rest or relief from something difficult. rest, break, breathing space, interval, intermission, interlude, recess, lull, pause, time out."

Respite Foster Care is basically watching another foster parent's foster kids.  It's done through the foster care community because a you can't just have your good friend across the street watch the children.  They belong to the State so they need to be State-licenced and certified.  Last Saturday we had our first experience providing Respite Foster Care. We watched two small children for most of the day (a one-yr-old and  two-yr-old).

In four weeks, we are scheduled to do respite for another foster family.  This child will be several  years older and we will have him for four days.

My initial thought with Respite is that it wouldn't be much different from the times we've watched nieces or nephews,  After all, it's just for a short period and it seemed to me, in such time, it would feel mostly like babysitting.  But Respite Foster Care is not exactly like that.

I was surprised to discover, last Saturday, that it came with unexpected emotions and feelings.  There
is a sense of sacredness, fragility, vulnerability, and carefulness that hits your heart like a freight train the moment you set eyes on these children.  It's constantly in the back of your mind that behind their smile is a shattered life, one they have no control over.  They've been taken from everything familiar with only a handful of belongings and are expected to adjust again and again as they are passed from one stranger to the next; vagabonds, refugees, never knowing where, if any place, will ever be their permanent "home."

When we had these two babies last Saturday in our care, I wanted to give them the happiest memories I could.  I  wanted their time with us to be a good experience.  I wanted them to feel loved and valued, to help instill in them their Divine worth and their heavenly lineage.  I was in awe as I observed my youngest two biological children instantly filled with these same desires.  It was amazing to watch them bring out their favorite toys and spend hour after hour just entertaining them. I'm sure there was an element of novelty with it... but it was also very apparent that their motive went much deeper than that.  I witnessed a Christ-like compassion overflow within their souls as they reached out with complete self-less and genuine love.

Later that evening, we took the foster kids to a neighborhood block party.  Micah was adorable as he happily pulled the children in a wagon.  My older daughter had three of her cousins with her and they soon joined in to help watch the fosters.  I was grateful for the assistance.  We all had to be extremely vigilant among the huge crowds because these kids didn't have that internal compass that told them who they were supposed to stay close to.  They were so used to being put into the arms of strangers and not belonging to any particular people that they easily wandered off to anyplace and anywhere without looking back.

When the time came to return the children to the other foster parents, they didn't want to leave and the 2-yr-old clung to me with both arms and legs wrapped tightly around me.  He whimpered as the foster dad explained, prying his body away, "Sorry buddy, this is just how it goes."
How sad, I thought to myself, that "this is how it goes"... this is the only thing that has become consistent for the fosters: A never-ending cycle of: attachment - detachment, bond and break, hope, love and then hurt again. I almost felt guilty for trying to make their visit with us such a wonderful and loving experience because it seemed to add to the child's pain when it was time to leave.

I guess this is the hurt I need to get used to?  I've only tasted it in the smallest portion. All the foster parents talk about it.  They say in foster care, "prepare to have your heart broken over and over and over again."  In the training, I assumed that they meant hurt from stresses, task-overload, increased number of mouths to feed, fighting and just learning to adjust and help a traumatized child... you know, kind-of negative issues.  But I think last weekend I caught a little more of a glimpse of where the heartbreak will really come from.  It comes from laboring with all your soul to give the most love you possibly can give to another human being in a very short amount of time, to feel that love bind you, and then leave... you may never see them again... and it hurts because part of you goes with them.

It causes me to reflect on the importance of all my relationships.  Every human heart is fragile.  To love sincerely, offer empathy, give earnestly, and help genuinely, is to open the heart and mind to a vulnerability that brings intense joy but also deep pain. And so we proceed with every step, every day, every moment... to handle with care.

-Alicia

Broken Things

At the time of Christ's crucifixion, the earth was broken in pieces.  "The rocks were rent in twain; they were broken up upon the face of the whole earth, insomuch that they were found in broken fragments, and in seams and in cracks, upon all the face of the land." (3 Nephi 8:18)
Was this a symbol of the Savior's broken body on the cross?
Was it a symbol of how we too must be broken?

The hearts of the people during that period had become so hardened from their wickedness that "Many great destructions [had the Lord] caused to come upon [the] land" (3 Nephi 9:12)
I believe it was an act of mercy.

In the darkness, the voice of Christ spoke to the people of Nephi calling for them to offer a "broken heart and a contrite spirit." (3 Nephi 9:20)

Why must our hearts be broken?
This morning, as I read these passages in 3 Nephi, I asked myself this question.  I remembered the words to a song I heard years ago by, Kenneth Cope:

Broken
(Words by Kenneth Cope; Music by Kenneth & Eliza Cope)
—inspired by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day
Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight
Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things
Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me
To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in
Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things
And yet, our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving
This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I’m convinced that God loves broken me
Praise His name—my God loves broken things
So, broken cloud—Give rain
And broken soil—Grow grain
And broken bread—Feed man for one more day
© 2004 Merge Right Music (BMI)

It all makes sense... this need we have to be broken.  It's beautiful!

And so, I rejoice that I can find hope in the midst of hurt.  There is purpose in the breaking... it's all part of "the making."

-Alicia

To take the sorrow out of death...

My blog friend, Ramona, lost her husband a couple of weeks ago on March 23rd.  He was only 58.

Today, April 15th, is Ramona's birthday.  How strange it must feel to have this day of birth "to celebrate" when half of your body and soul has been torn from you.

"To everything there is a season"... and this is a season of mourning for my friend.  I pray for her. I ache for her.

I'm reminded of President Nelson's words, "Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (D&C 42:45.)

Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."

We live over 2,000 miles apart and I wish with all my heart I could be closer so I could serve her and help her during this tremendously lonely and mournful time.

This song is for you, Ramona.

Held

-Alicia

"Oh Lord, my heart..."

I went to another cottage meeting last night about Comprehensive Sex Education.  My friend Kim, who is an assistant to the president of Family Watch International, spoke again.  They're still in the process of finalizing their documentary and have one more interview from World Congress that remains to be included.  The information is 100% accurate.  I've done my own homework in this and have spent countless hours pouring over and reading through the organizations I learned about at the United Nations last year: Planned Parenthood, International Planned Parenthood Federation, Sexuality Info and Education Council of the United States, United Nations Population Fund and others. The research of Alfred Kinsey, the father of the sexual rights movement, is more painful than my heart can take.  Three-hundred-seventy-one children from ages five months to thirteen years were "experimented" upon, sexually molested and raped in the name of science.  And the curriculum coming out of these organizations strongly tied to this man is approached the same way a pedophile seeks to gain the trust of their victims. It's terribly, terribly sickening.

I got in my car last night and just sobbed for these children.  How could Alfred Kinsey have gotten away with what he did?!... And not only gotten away with it... but how did these organizations who supported him and his research make it off the ground and WHY are they still thriving?

This morning during my scripture study,  I read the verses I've been ponderizing for this week and then opened to where we are reading as a family.  The music of  Paul Cardall, "Gracie's Theme" and "I am a Child of God" played in the background as I read Alma 31: 30-33.  I thought of the innocent who have suffered and continue to suffer and I could not hold back the tears.

O Lord God, how long wilt thou suffer that such wickedness and infidelity shall be among this people? O Lord, wilt thou give me strength, that I may bear with mine infirmities. For I am infirm, and such wickedness among this people doth pain my soul.

 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity of this people.

 O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me.... yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ.

 Wilt thou grant unto them that they may have strength, that they may bear their afflictions which shall come upon them because of the iniquities of this people. - Alma 31: 30-33

My husband walked into the kitchen and greeted me with a morning kiss.  He could see I had been crying and asked with concern what was wrong.  "The children... I'm just thinking about the children." I answered.  "It's hard for me to see that documentary again from Family Watch and to know what the Enemy is doing."  He hugged me understandingly and we discussed for some time about these last days and the hope we find in our Savior.  I pray for greater strength to fight these battles.  I need a strong heart for my soul at this time is in anguish.

-Alicia

"You Can't Close My Heart"

Have you ever heard of The Freeze?  Members of the church in Ghana were banned by their own government from gathering in meetinghouses and missionaries were kicked out.  If they were caught, some were arrested for trying to hold sacrament meeting in their home.  This ban lasted 18 months from June,1989 to Nov. 1990.  This was not a restriction God-imposed but one of man, even still... there was so much good that came out of it.  One brother in this story said something he learned that I'll never forget, "You can close my mouth, but you can't close my heart."

I am inspired by the numerous blessings born of the trials and heartache they went through; Opportunities were expanded, they experience greater unity, stronger conversion, and a depth of appreciation for the simple gifts of the Gospel.

I know with all my heart that if we stay fixed and focused on our Savior, the very things that hurt the greatest and cut the deepest will cause the best things to grow.

-Alicia

The Unmaking

Yesterday, I spent some time again listening to "God is the Gardner." Whenever I struggle to understand the moments in life that "cut me back" or cause my heart to ache, I appreciate the truths  found in these words:

"God is aware of you individually. He knows who you are and what you are, and, furthermore, He knows what you are capable of becoming. Be not discouraged, then, if you do not get all the things you want just when you want them. Have the courage to go on and face your life and, if necessary, reverse it to bring it into harmony with His law...  someday, when you are ripened in life, you are going to shout back across the time and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’" 

- Hugh B. Brown "God is the Gardener"

As I walked up to campus this afternoon, I scrolled through my Spotify songs to select a new favorite called, "The Unmaking". Listening to the lyrics, I couldn't help reflect on Hugh B. Brown's talk.  I felt the words to this song fit the principle of trusting in God's bigger picture.

I can't deny the hurt associated with being "cut down" or held back especially when it feels as if it goes against everything in my nature.  Denying such pain would be lying to myself.  Maybe I held my dreams too tightly? (or at least my interpretation of them...) Maybe as I stand back and lift my hands in surrender, my Father in Heaven will show me things I couldn't see before... At the ending is also a new beginning... and I'm learning that true beauty is found in the breaking. 

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing" - Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4-5

God has His purposes and His seasons... and I trust Him, so I won't complain.  I praise Him for His infinite wisdom, even when it hurts.

"The Unmaking"

by, Nichole Nordeman

"This is the unmaking

The beauty and the breaking

Had to lose myself to find out who You are

Before each beginning

There must be an ending

Sitting in the rubble

I can see the stars

This is the unmaking

This is the unmaking

The longer and the tighter that we hold

Only makes it harder to let go

Love will not stay locked inside

A steeple or a tower high

Only when we're broken are we whole"

"I had to lose myself

To find out who You are"

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” - C.S. Lewis

-Alicia
Trying to be Good

"Tears in Heaven" - Ponderize - Week 15

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire”  - Elder Orson F. Whitney?

There will be a day when "God shall wipe away all tears from [our] eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." - Revelation 21:4

I know this and find great comfort in this truth!
-Alicia

Understanding the Pain of Separation

I've made a goal to buckle down and work on my Young Women's Personal Progress.  I've chosen every Tuesday morning to be my day for this.  It's pretty easy to record online and I can enter my journal notes right there on the website.  As young women leaders, we're all going to take turns letting the girls know how our own progress is going and we hope it will inspire them to keep moving on theirs.

This morning, I spent some time studying about the Atonement and the Plan of Salvation.  In the church, these are fundamental doctrines we have learned over and over our entire lives.  With the frequency of these topics, it might be easy to lose interest but I was really grateful to take a moment, read the scriptures related, and reflect on a couple of questions.  "How does the knowledge of these teachings affect my actions, help me understand my identity, and strengthen my faith?"

Understanding that we are literal spirit children of God, that we lived with Him before we came to earth, that we knew each other, is an incredibly amazing teaching.  It's unique to the Restored Gospel but I believe that there are many outside the church who have been given a sense of this great truth:

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

Our spirits are eternal in nature.  This tangible light has a life-span we cannot comprehend. Joseph Smith expounded in his King Follett Sermon;

"I want to reason more on the spirit of man; for I am dwelling on the body and spirit of man—on the subject of the dead. I take my ring from my finger and liken it unto the mind of man—the immortal part, because it had no beginning. Suppose you cut it in two; then it has a beginning and an end; but join it again, and it continues one eternal round. So with the spirit of man. As the Lord liveth, if it had a beginning, it will have an end. All the fools and learned and wise men from the beginning of creation, who say that the spirit of man had a beginning, prove that it must have an end; and if that doctrine is true, then the doctrine of annihilation would be true. But if I am right, I might with boldness proclaim from the housetops that God never had the power to create the spirit of man at all. God himself could not create himself.

Intelligence is eternal and exists upon a self-existent principle. It is a spirit from age to age and there is no creation about it. All the minds and spirits that God ever sent into the world are susceptible of enlargement."

God is an eternal being, we are all eternal beings.  God is all about gathering, about "oneness", about togetherness.  Even when we speak of being separated from God, it is not His undoing but our own.  He is not the one who severs ties, who divides relationships, or breaks apart - these are things that exist in the physical and temporal realm.  And those who never learn to live by and receive Christ's spirit will be bound to this physical and temporal plane of existence.

This must be why there is pain in separation, because such an experience flows completely contrary to our Divine nature.  Nevertheless, it is a necessary part of our growth and learning.  Everything that hurts us, that is painful, ministers to our mortal education here on earth. But with the Gospel lens of truth, we have a glimpse of Heaven and we are given strength to endure.

"Though otherwise 'lively,' hope stands quietly with us at funerals. Our tears are just as wet, but not because of despair. Rather, they are tears of appreciation evoked by poignant separation. They will change, erelong, to tears of glorious anticipation. Yet the emptiness is so real and so restless it initiates a retroactive inventory of what is now so painfully missing, doing so, however, while forecasting fulness and resplendent reunion!" - Neal A. Maxwell

"When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee." - Hymn #293

We could try to numb ourselves and pretend there is no ache, no pain when we are separated from those we love but such an attempt would only prove to dull the Divine attributes inherent within us and thwart our progress.

"Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death (or separation) is to take love out of life." - Elder Russell M. Nelson

We find hope in Christ, knowing that He has bridged the gulf of the great divide and through His great atoning sacrifice, there is no such thing as the end, there is no such thing as separation, no more farewells and no more goodbyes.  We find our our way "home" in eternal principles.

"There is no end to matter; There is no end to space; There is no end to spirit; There is no end to race. There is no end to virtue; There is no end to might; There is no end to wisdom; There is no end to light. There is no end to union; There is no end to youth; There is no end to priesthood; There is no end to truth. There is no end to glory; There is no end to love; There is no end to being; There is no death above. There is no end to glory; There is no end to love; There is no end to being; There is no death above."

-Alicia

The Challenge to Become

Some days are harder than others... Yesterday was hard.
It will get easier with time, I'm sure.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn though.  I'm working on expressing sincere appreciation for the smallest and simplest of things and embracing the present moments.  There are blessings everywhere, far more than I deserve!  My heart is truly filled with gratitude when I reflect on all I have, here and now.  And, I can honestly say that I am grateful for every moment my heart hurts.  Through the pain, I can feel I'm being refined...  Ultimately, I know that is what I want, refinement.  I pray for Divine tutoring.

I'm so thankful for a Savior who knows me, who knows each and every one of us, because He has experienced every possible struggle as if it was His own.  Alma 7:11,12  I want to follow His example.  I pray for the Lord to open my eyes to people around me who need my help, I pray for opportunities to serve (especially in my own home).  I need opportunities to forget myself and go to work.  I know this will help me through.

"Our needed conversions are often achieved more readily by suffering and adversity than by comfort and tranquility,... Father Lehi promised his son Jacob that God would 'consecrate [his] afflictions for [his] gain' (2 Ne. 2:2). The Prophet Joseph was promised that “thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high” (D&C 121:7–8).

Most of us experience some measure of what the scriptures call 'the furnace of affliction' (Isa. 48:10; 1 Ne. 20:10). ...Through the justice and mercy of a loving Father in Heaven, the refinement and sanctification possible through such experiences can help us achieve what God desires us to become.

We are challenged to move through a process of conversion toward that status and condition called eternal life. This is achieved not just by doing what is right, but by doing it for the right reason—for the pure love of Christ." - Elder Dallin H. Oaks The Challenge to Become- Oct. 2000 General Conference

 "Ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost." - 3 Nephi 9:20

-Alicia

Give Me Faith
by, Royal Taylor