Handle With Care!

"Respite /ˈrespət,rēˈspīt/ = a short period of rest or relief from something difficult. rest, break, breathing space, interval, intermission, interlude, recess, lull, pause, time out."

Respite Foster Care is basically watching another foster parent's foster kids.  It's done through the foster care community because a you can't just have your good friend across the street watch the children.  They belong to the State so they need to be State-licenced and certified.  Last Saturday we had our first experience providing Respite Foster Care. We watched two small children for most of the day (a one-yr-old and  two-yr-old).

In four weeks, we are scheduled to do respite for another foster family.  This child will be several  years older and we will have him for four days.

My initial thought with Respite is that it wouldn't be much different from the times we've watched nieces or nephews,  After all, it's just for a short period and it seemed to me, in such time, it would feel mostly like babysitting.  But Respite Foster Care is not exactly like that.

I was surprised to discover, last Saturday, that it came with unexpected emotions and feelings.  There
is a sense of sacredness, fragility, vulnerability, and carefulness that hits your heart like a freight train the moment you set eyes on these children.  It's constantly in the back of your mind that behind their smile is a shattered life, one they have no control over.  They've been taken from everything familiar with only a handful of belongings and are expected to adjust again and again as they are passed from one stranger to the next; vagabonds, refugees, never knowing where, if any place, will ever be their permanent "home."

When we had these two babies last Saturday in our care, I wanted to give them the happiest memories I could.  I  wanted their time with us to be a good experience.  I wanted them to feel loved and valued, to help instill in them their Divine worth and their heavenly lineage.  I was in awe as I observed my youngest two biological children instantly filled with these same desires.  It was amazing to watch them bring out their favorite toys and spend hour after hour just entertaining them. I'm sure there was an element of novelty with it... but it was also very apparent that their motive went much deeper than that.  I witnessed a Christ-like compassion overflow within their souls as they reached out with complete self-less and genuine love.

Later that evening, we took the foster kids to a neighborhood block party.  Micah was adorable as he happily pulled the children in a wagon.  My older daughter had three of her cousins with her and they soon joined in to help watch the fosters.  I was grateful for the assistance.  We all had to be extremely vigilant among the huge crowds because these kids didn't have that internal compass that told them who they were supposed to stay close to.  They were so used to being put into the arms of strangers and not belonging to any particular people that they easily wandered off to anyplace and anywhere without looking back.

When the time came to return the children to the other foster parents, they didn't want to leave and the 2-yr-old clung to me with both arms and legs wrapped tightly around me.  He whimpered as the foster dad explained, prying his body away, "Sorry buddy, this is just how it goes."
How sad, I thought to myself, that "this is how it goes"... this is the only thing that has become consistent for the fosters: A never-ending cycle of: attachment - detachment, bond and break, hope, love and then hurt again. I almost felt guilty for trying to make their visit with us such a wonderful and loving experience because it seemed to add to the child's pain when it was time to leave.

I guess this is the hurt I need to get used to?  I've only tasted it in the smallest portion. All the foster parents talk about it.  They say in foster care, "prepare to have your heart broken over and over and over again."  In the training, I assumed that they meant hurt from stresses, task-overload, increased number of mouths to feed, fighting and just learning to adjust and help a traumatized child... you know, kind-of negative issues.  But I think last weekend I caught a little more of a glimpse of where the heartbreak will really come from.  It comes from laboring with all your soul to give the most love you possibly can give to another human being in a very short amount of time, to feel that love bind you, and then leave... you may never see them again... and it hurts because part of you goes with them.

It causes me to reflect on the importance of all my relationships.  Every human heart is fragile.  To love sincerely, offer empathy, give earnestly, and help genuinely, is to open the heart and mind to a vulnerability that brings intense joy but also deep pain. And so we proceed with every step, every day, every moment... to handle with care.

-Alicia