Of Mountains and Molehills - Throwback Thursday

It happened about four summers ago.  I was worn and tired from the whining and complaining I had been hearing all day long from my children.  I made an attempt to turn things around and tried to prepare a nice family dinner that would hopefully put them in a better mood. I did some searching online and made a special trip to the store, going through great lengths to make it the most kid-delicious, kid-friendly, kid-approved meal they had ever had.  Surely this would put a smile on their faces.

Proud of myself, I spread the table and called everyone in.
Three of my children rejoiced at the sight of my culinary creation but Micah stared angrily at his plate and mumbled, "I hate this food!"
"You haven't even tried it!" I sternly responded.
"I don't care.  I hate it!"
"Serious?!" I questioned, after all my efforts. My patience was completely gone and I shouted, "Well, you have to eat at least one bite!"
Stubbornly, Micah refused.
"One bite, Micah, ONE!!" I demanded until he finally complied.
Dramatically, he gagged a fork-full into his mouth, his face still frozen in an angry glare, obviously already decided that it was disgusting and no amount of force would sway him otherwise.  I waited for him to swallow but instead he spit it back on to his plate, spraying smaller pieces across the table.

That was the last straw and I wasn't about to let him win this battle.  The whole family looked on watching to see what I would do.  I raised my fist, pounded it on the table as hard as I could, and yelled, "This is SO STUPID!  It's absolutely ridiculous, Micah!  I can't believe you are making THIS BIG of a deal out of ONE STUUUPID BITE!"
Everyone was stunned and the room was silent, except for Micah who began to cry uncontrollably.
I could see the disapproval on my husband's face which made me even more mad because I wanted someone to justify my immature behavior (you know give me back-up).  Besides, it wasn't like he hadn't ever lost his cool before, I grumbled in rationalization.
I was so angry but also terribly embarrassed.  I knew I behaved poorly.  I grabbed my car keys and left the house in an effort to let off steam.

I drove to a nearby trail-head and began hiking at full force to get every angry feeling out of me, never pausing, never stopping, just stomping my way up the mountain to the painted Y.

I huffed along determining that I would never again lose my temper like that.  The scenario played back in my mind and the look on everyone's faces haunted me.  I scolded myself, "You were the one being stubborn, Alicia....  You were the one making such a big deal out of something so insignificant.... And you want to know what was stupid?? Your behavior was stupid!..."

I arrived at the top of the Y and found a place to sit.  I folded my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs.  Taking a large deep breath and then exhaling slowly, I surveyed the beautiful panorama of Provo,  I sat there for quite sometime on that mountain relieved to be away but disappointed in myself for the behavior that led me there.  I searched for the roof of my apartment in the tiny scale of buildings below.  Pinpointing it, I squinted and marveled how small everything looked.  It caused me to recall a quote I had stashed away years ago by Confucius, "Men do not stumble over mountains, but over molehills." I thought to myself, "Boy, did I ever stumble!"  How foolish I had been to make such a big deal out of something so small.   Tears rolled down my face as I prayed for forgiveness.  I pleaded for the kind of patience and humility that would prevent me from ever doing anything like that again.

A calmness covered me, the stillness refreshed my soul, and I felt grateful for such a loving Father in Heaven.  The next step was to make things right and do some serious apologizing.  The sun began to set beyond the horizon and the city lights glittered brighter.  I began my descent back home continuing to ponder on the changes I needed to make as a mother and anxious to tell Micah how terribly sorry I was.

When I walked through the door of the apartment, I discovered that he was already asleep.  Quietly, I stepped into his room and knelt down by his bed.  I could tell by the shutter in his breathing that he had cried himself to sleep.  Such a realization pierced my heart with sorrow.  I whispered another prayer, asking for Micah's forgiveness.

A new day came and Micah woke up as his bubbly-happy-self.  It was as if nothing ever happened.  He greeted me with a hug and a kiss and grabbed his breakfast.  "Hey, bud..."  I said, as he shoveled cereal into his mouth.  "I'm really sorry for the way I behaved last night.  I was the one who was making a big deal out of something so small.  I was the one who was behaving stupid.  I'm really, really sorry.  I will never lose my temper like that again.  Will you forgive me?"
"It's okay," he said reassuringly as he continued to hum with each spoonful.
I was completely inspired by his ability to so easily let go of what I had done. I felt thankful for a brand-new day...
a new day to put my words into practice,
a new day to get up and try again,
a new day to exercise my faith and call upon the Lord for strength,
a new day to put one foot in front of the other and focus on what really matters.

In my journey, this is the mountain worth climbing.
-Alicia