Our "new" van broke down Friday night due to the transmission jolting and revving. It caught us totally off guard. I tested it again in the morning and sure enough, the same problem. I had to call and have it towed. The factory warranty we were led to believe it was under is actually null and void because of an undisclosed original owner/company, Via Motors, that removed the engine and replaced it with their own parts. It's like some kind of eerie mad Scientist experiment where the Dr. takes out the brain of a patient and puts in a different one just to see how they function. When we bought it, we knew nothing about Via Motors and it was never disclosed on the car facts. We understood the engine had all brand-new parts but we were told they were GM and the power train was covered for one more year. Learning otherwise yesterday made me sick to my stomach. This is the last thing we needed!
Since I am out a vehicle for a while, I had to have my friend, Suzanne, give me a lift to the laundromat so I could take care of the wash. She could only drop me off yesterday because all her kids had soccer games they had to be to. I told her not to worry about picking me up and that somehow I'd find a ride home. I brought some food and my homework with me. In between my reading assignments I made phone calls back and forth to the company that we bought our van through and the Chevy dealer's repair shop. The place who sold it to us was horrified with the information I gave them and denied having any knowledge about Via Motors.
All the detective work between the dealer and the factory was very frustrating. I needed a breather. After changing the clothes from the washers to the dryers, I walked around to the side of the building and slumped down in the shade of a tree. I began listening to Richard G. Scott's talk from 1995 "
Trust in the Lord." My 80-yr-old friend, Vic, came outside and discovered me sitting there. (Vic is the owner of The Wash Hut Laundromat I've been going to for these past eight years. He's a very nice man, is always asking how I'm doing and bringing the children treats.)
I tried to put a smile on my face but couldn't suppress feeling so stupid and completely humiliated for buying another lemon, especially at this time where we're going to have to scrape and save all we can to make our mortgage each month. I was overwhelmed with doubts of my ability to be inspired and questioned myself: "Was there a prompting I missed somehow that tried to warn me about this van? How many other times have I felt as if I was going in the right direction only to discover a dead end? What's wrong with me? Why is this happening?"
"How ya doin' kid?" Vic's voice interrupted my self-defeating thoughts. I looked up and answered with a tired, "Hey there."
Sensing something wasn't right he asked, "What brings you over to this side of the building?"
"I'm just trying to gather my thoughts," I replied.
"Oh??" Vic said with an imploring tone and crossed his arms to comfortably listen.
"You won't believe it... but remember how our two cars broke down a couple months ago and we got that new van?? Well, now this new one is having some serious issues... right at the time we're getting ready to move into a house and take on a mortgage too. Even this dang phone, our only phone is literally falling to pieces (I held it up with its shattered screen in the air)... and so is our computer at home. It's like everything is deciding to break right now - right when everything is being removed from under us."
I took in a deep breath and heaved a heavy sigh.
"Aw, kid, I'm so sorry!" Vic replied with deep sympathy.
Despite my effort to hold back my tears, they began to stream down my face. I tried to wipe them quickly away and be strong. Vic rushed inside, grabbed me some Kleenex and a drink, and handed them to me as I continued:
"I just wish I knew what was going on. Is the Lord trying to tell me something? Is there something I need to change? I don't even have time to deal with all of this. I have a five-page paper due on Monday and I can't think, I can't focus at all. I'm trying to be optimistic. I'm trying to hear the Lord's voice in all of this. I don't know what to do."
Vic placed his hand lovingly on my head, "Oh, this is awful, kid. I'm so very sorry." He stood there searching for more words to say, "I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could write your paper for you. I wish I could fix your van, fix everything that's wrong. I just wish I could make everything better."
"I know you do, Vic. You are very sweet." I assured him that his kindness to listen was more than enough and I appreciated him expressing so much concern. "I know everything will be alright. I just need to trust that." I pointed to the talk I had on my phone by Richard G. Scott, "I just need to trust this."
"Well, let me know what you need from me." Vic insisted and returned into the building with a friendly wave.
I thanked him again and put my headphones back in to continue listening to Elder Scott's talk. I had to finish my work, I just couldn't afford to waste any more time. I gathered my stuff and walked back into the Wash Hut so I could begin folding clothes from the dryers. Elder Scott concluded his talk with this testimony:
"I know the principles that we have discussed are true. They have been tested in the crucible of personal experience. [his own crucible of personal experience]
To recognize the hand of the Lord in your life and to accept His will without complaint is a beginning. That decision does not immediately eliminate the struggles that will come for your growth. But I witness that it is the best way there is for you to find strength and understanding. It will free you from the dead ends of your own reasoning. It will allow your life to become a productive, meaningful experience, when otherwise you may not know how to go on (see D&C 24:8)."
The counsel, "recognize the hand of the Lord in your life" hit me as the key to the peace I was needing in that moment. I began listing to myself all the blessings I had seen in the past several hours:
"I'm grateful my friend, Suzanne, was there for me to drive me to the laundromat.
I'm grateful I have some quiet time to study.
I'm grateful my arms and legs work so that I can stand here and easily fold these clothes.
I'm grateful I my health is good and I can enjoy the beauty of this day.
I'm grateful that I have perfect hearing and that I have this blessing of technology to listen to this talk from an apostle of the Lord as I work."
Focusing on the blessings really helped me and I felt so much better, much more calm.
Vick came over to visit again.
"How are you planning on getting all this stuff home?"
"I was going to call a friend and see if someone might be available to take me back."
"Me! Call me!" Vick offered.
"Okay, thank you," I said graciously.
He hastily brought his car around to the front of the building, backed it up, and opened the trunk. "Here you go. Just let me know when you are ready to leave."
I mentally added one more thing to be grateful for on my list. And started Elder Scott's talk over again for the third time.
"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.
When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive the maximum help from your loving Father.
The laundry was ready and loaded into the trunk of Vic's car. He came out with a bag full of treats from the vending machine. "For your children." He smiled, stuffing the bag between the folded towels. He drove me home and helped me carry the baskets up to my apartment. I thanked him again for all his kindness and generosity. He hugged me, kissed me on the head, and drove away with a wave, "I love you, kid."
I pulled out the bag of treats Vic had stuffed into the laundry and began to divide the candy among the children. At the bottom of a bag was an envelope with $100. "Ah, Vic, you didn't need to do that!" I said out loud as if he were still there. I rebuked myself for complaining so openly. I didn't want him to give me money! I didn't want anyone to!! Nevertheless, it was another blessing and I thanked my God for it. I remembered the verse
I had been pondering over this past week. "For I know the plans I have for you..."
"When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow." - Richard G. Scott
I want to grow.
I trust the Lord.
-Alicia
