Seeking Inspiration

I'm really pleased with how our new approach to family scripture study is going. It seems like everyone is participating more. With this new way, Joseph and I aren't the ones doing all the talking. The kids share what they are learning and we are able to keep record of the comments each of them  make. So far, it seems they are enjoying the overall experience more.

I'm trying to find ways now that will help me with my personal scripture study. I'm pretty good at maintaining daily reading but I don't always do so well retaining what I've read.(If that makes sense.)

I think at this time in my life, I'm really seeking to find verses of scripture that will inspire me to action in my specific realm of influence: in my calling, as a wife, as a mother, as a foster mom, as a student, etc. After prayer, I open the pages and want words to jump out at me - I want my eyes to be open to the things I keep missing, to recognize what the Lord is trying to tell me.

I've discovered that a good mixture of conference talks and scriptures each day work best for me. I'm not a huge book reader but I love listening to talks and books. I feel like I can get a lot more accomplished if I'm moving while I'm listening.  I don't sit still very well.... never have.

-Alicia

Thoughts and Impressions

My heart is full of gratitude and love for those called and set apart as Prophets, Seers, and Revelators in our day. In the closing and final talk given by Elder Neil L. Andersen, I felt a tangible spirit flood the room as he testified that this Church is guided and directed by our Savior, Jesus Christ. With the absence of two Apostles, Elder Andersen shared a portion of the talk Robert D. Hales had originally planned to give and also a portion of some of President Thomas S. Monson's counsel. As he shared these dear brother's words, the Spirit was strikingly powerful and undeniable, as if the Lord had blessed Elder Andersen with a full investiture of authority to speak in behalf of President Monson and Elder Hales. Tears streamed down my face as the choir sang these stirring words of the closing hymn;

"Israel, Israel, God is speaking.
Hear your great Deliv'rer's voice!
Now a glorious morn is breaking
For the people of his choice."

I always look forward to General Conference! All of the sessions have been wonderful to listen to.  If I were to summarize in just a few short words the overall messages that struck me the most, it would be these;

No matter how many times you have read the Book of Mormon, continue to make it part of your daily scripture study. Pray always and be believing. Trust that hard times are shaping and molding you in ways you cannot see. Miracles come in shapes and forms that we often fail to realize as miracles. Pray to trust that a bigger picture will one day be revealed. Be humble. Remove distractions from your life that keep you from focusing on truth. Forgive offenses. Repair the breach. Assume the good in others and swallow your pride. Take time every day to listen to or read a recent conference talk. Knowing and applying the words of the Living Prophets will direct you right personally and in your family in every circumstance. Don't worry so much about what happens to you - don't live your life in fear. Learn what the Lord is trying to teach you to learn and choose faith every time!

-Alicia

Click here to read, watch, or listen to October 2017's General Conference.

Action Items

“I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns. I find myself loving more intensely those whom I must love with all my heart and mind and strength, and loving them more, I find it easier to abide their counsel.” 

- Spencer W. Kimball

Reflecting on  General Conference today and yesterday, this is a quote that keeps coming to my mind.  It seemed that most of the talks were centered on or frequently mentioned the importance of daily personal scripture study.

My husband has always been a great example to me of one who diligently studies the scriptures.  Lately, he's been taking to heart Elder Nelson's counsel to study scriptures focused on Jesus Christ daily.  As a result, he's been listening to the four gospels at work every day for the past several weeks.

I feel like I really could use some improvement in my personal prayers and scripture study, Though I don't think my problem is being casual. Scripture study and prayer are just part of my regular daily routine.  But I feel as if I've been more blank, less feeling, with little to no absorption in my study lately,  I've had more days than usual where I've felt depressed too so maybe that's part of it.  I don't feel like I'm the same person I was six months ago.  I feel like my experiences being a foster mom have been like a bomb dropped on me and I'm still reeling from the shock.

There's so much I need to improve on.  Foster care is extremely humbling.  Speaking of foster care... Another thing that stood out to me in conference today was when S. Mark Palmer said, "those who are the hardest to love are the ones who need love the most." This is my earnest prayer: to love when I don't feel like loving, to give when I don't feel like giving, to sacrifice when I have nothing left in me to sacrifice.

I'm so grateful for a wonderful conference weekend. And I'm grateful for every new day to keep trying and keep practicing. God is good.

-Alicia

Pure Religion

This last April, when we heard all the conference talks about refugees.... we prayed to know how to help and the answer came very clear to my husband and me, "Become Foster Parents." We've done respite care a number of times these past few months and we just moved into our new home over the weekend and are getting it foster-ready.  Every time I hear these stories of refugees, I cannot help but think of these children who have been displaced in foster care and how we are here to give them hope and do all we can to make it so they can return to their families and loved ones again. 

Watch and pray to know how to help--then make a move.  There are so many in need and there is something for all of us to do.  We quickly forget the troubles of our own hearts as we reach out in compassion to help others. Our purpose in this life is to learn pure love, pure religion undefiled... This is where real freedom is found.  

-Alicia

Refuge From the Storm

A Compass to Point the Way

I have some personal decision-making questions I'm taking with me to Conference today and tomorrow. If you have questions regarding the direction of your life too, I encourage you to listen in wherever you are. God is good and He answers everyone who sincerely desires His guidance. I know this!

I read the following scripture in my studies this morning, I think it fits perfectly for the weekend. :)

-- "I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm." (1 Nephi 18:21) 

 Listen to the live broadcast.

-Alicia

Hope, Love of God, and Love of Others - Ponderize - Week 52

We watched the Presidential Debate tonight as a family.  I don't favor either side and to be honest, I don't really like the two party system--I really don't think our founding fathers meant for us to have only two parties.

Anyway, something about watching this tonight gave me the same sinking feeling as I did watching the live coverage of the attacks on 9/11--It left my spirit feeling exhausted and sore. Name-calling, speaking over each other, and interrupting, are such terrible and useless ways of communication--it's not only ugly and immature but it spreads anger and hatred like a blazing wild fire.

The moderator asks both candidates what the biggest issue is facing America.  If you were to ask me what it is, I would NOT say it's economic, international relationships, equal rights, or any of the main things we hear.  I would say that our biggest threat to our nation is the incivility, increased meanness, and unrepentant contention being displayed on the internet, social media, in our schools, and in our streets.

Elder Oaks said the following at a convention last year, " We all lose when an atmosphere of anger or hostility or contention prevails,” he said.  “We all lose when we cannot debate public policies without resorting to boycotts, firings, and intimidation of our adversaries.”

I keep thinking of Avenger's Civil War and how the enemy's plan was to destroy the Avengers by tearing them apart from the inside-out, to turn good people on each other, and just let them destroy themselves. I feel like that's what is going to happen to us as Americans if we do not watch ourselves.

Right after the presidential arguing was over, we had a short Family Home Evening lesson in preparation for this weekend where we'll get to listen to Prophets and Apostles of God speak.  It was such a nice contrast to turn off the debate and redirect our conversation towards the things we loved from last General Conference and what we are looking forward to with this one.  There was an immediate difference in the atmosphere as we focused on true doctrine.

I'm grateful for the message Elder Oaks gave at BYU a few weeks ago entitled, Elections, Hope and Freedom.  I've listened to his talk several times now.  This next portion is what I feel like focusing on for my scripture to ponder this week.

"In the distressing circumstances that surround us, we must trust in God and His promises, and hold fast to the vital gospel teaching of hope.  The prophet, Nephi, taught that we must "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God, and of all men"(*)... Hope is a characteristic Christian virtue;  I am glad to practice it and to recommend it to counter all current despair.  Hope based on trust in the Lord and His promises has sustained me through all the circumstances of my life." - Elder Dallin H. Oaks


-Alicia

Major Tom, your circuits dead, there's something wrong.

Our "new" van broke down Friday night due to the transmission jolting and revving.  It caught us totally off guard. I tested it again in the morning and sure enough, the same problem. I had to call and have it towed.  The factory warranty we were led to believe it was under is actually null and void because of an undisclosed original owner/company, Via Motors, that removed the engine and replaced it with their own parts. It's like some kind of eerie mad Scientist experiment where the Dr. takes out the brain of a patient and puts in a different one just to see how they function. When we bought it, we knew nothing about Via Motors and it was never disclosed on the car facts. We understood the engine had all brand-new parts but we were told they were GM and the power train was covered for one more year. Learning otherwise yesterday made me sick to my stomach.  This is the last thing we needed!

Since I am out a vehicle for a while, I had to have my friend, Suzanne, give me a lift to the laundromat so I could take care of the wash. She could only drop me off yesterday because all her kids had soccer games they had to be to.  I told her not to worry about picking me up and that somehow I'd find a ride home.  I brought some food and my homework with me.  In between my reading assignments I made phone calls back and forth to the company that we bought our van through and the Chevy dealer's repair shop.  The place who sold it to us was horrified with the information I gave them and denied having any knowledge about Via Motors.

All the detective work between the dealer and the factory was very frustrating.  I needed a breather.  After changing the clothes from the washers to the dryers, I walked around to the side of the building and slumped down in the shade of a tree.  I began listening to Richard G. Scott's talk from 1995 "Trust in the Lord." My 80-yr-old friend, Vic, came outside and discovered me sitting there.  (Vic is the owner of The Wash Hut Laundromat I've been going to for these past eight years.  He's a very nice man, is always asking how I'm doing and bringing the children treats.)

I tried to put a smile on my face but couldn't suppress feeling so stupid and completely humiliated for buying another lemon, especially at this time where we're going to have to scrape and save all we can to make our mortgage each month.  I was overwhelmed with doubts of my ability to be inspired and questioned myself:  "Was there a prompting I missed somehow that tried to warn me about this van?  How many other times have I felt as if I was going in the right direction only to discover a dead end? What's wrong with me? Why is this happening?"

"How ya doin' kid?" Vic's voice interrupted my self-defeating thoughts. I looked up and answered with a tired, "Hey there."
 Sensing something wasn't right he asked, "What brings you over to this side of the building?"
"I'm just trying to gather my thoughts," I replied.
"Oh??" Vic said with an imploring tone and crossed his arms to comfortably listen.
"You won't believe it... but remember how our two cars broke down a couple months ago and we got that new van?? Well, now this new one is having some serious issues... right at the time we're getting ready to move into a house and take on a mortgage too.  Even this dang phone, our only phone is literally falling to pieces (I held it up with its shattered screen in the air)... and so is our computer at home.  It's like everything is deciding to break right now -  right when everything is being removed from under us."
I took in a deep breath and heaved a heavy sigh.
"Aw, kid, I'm so sorry!" Vic replied with deep sympathy.
Despite my effort to hold back my tears, they began to stream down my face. I tried to wipe them quickly away and be strong. Vic rushed inside, grabbed me some Kleenex and a drink, and handed them to me as I continued:
"I just wish I knew what was going on.  Is the Lord trying to tell me something?  Is there something I need to change? I don't even have time to deal with all of this. I have a five-page paper due on Monday and I can't think, I can't focus at all.  I'm trying to be optimistic.  I'm trying to hear the Lord's voice in all of this.  I don't know what to do."
Vic placed his hand lovingly on my head, "Oh, this is awful, kid. I'm so very sorry." He stood there searching for more words to say,  "I wish there was something I could do.  I wish I could write your paper for you.  I wish I could fix your van, fix everything that's wrong.  I just wish I could make everything better."
"I know you do, Vic. You are very sweet." I assured him that his kindness to listen was more than enough and I appreciated him expressing so much concern. "I know everything will be alright.  I just need to trust that." I pointed to the talk I had on my phone by Richard G. Scott, "I just need to trust this."
"Well, let me know what you need from me." Vic insisted and returned into the building with a friendly wave.
I thanked him again and put my headphones back in to continue listening to Elder Scott's talk. I had to finish my work, I just couldn't afford to waste any more time.  I gathered my stuff and walked back into the Wash Hut so I could begin folding clothes from the dryers. Elder Scott concluded his talk with this testimony:

"I know the principles that we have discussed are true. They have been tested in the crucible of personal experience. [his own crucible of personal experience] To recognize the hand of the Lord in your life and to accept His will without complaint is a beginning. That decision does not immediately eliminate the struggles that will come for your growth. But I witness that it is the best way there is for you to find strength and understanding. It will free you from the dead ends of your own reasoning. It will allow your life to become a productive, meaningful experience, when otherwise you may not know how to go on (see D&C 24:8)."

The counsel, "recognize the hand of the Lord in your life" hit me as the key to the peace I was needing in that moment.  I began listing to myself all the blessings I had seen in the past several hours:
"I'm grateful my friend, Suzanne, was there for me to drive me to the laundromat.
I'm grateful I have some quiet time to study.
I'm grateful my arms and legs work so that I can stand here and easily fold these clothes.
I'm grateful I my health is good and I can enjoy the beauty of this day.
I'm grateful that I have perfect hearing and that I have this blessing of technology to listen to this talk from an apostle of the Lord as I work."

Focusing on the blessings really helped me and I felt so much better, much more calm.

Vick came over to visit again.
"How are you planning on getting all this stuff home?"
"I was going to call a friend and see if someone might be available to take me back."
"Me! Call me!" Vick offered.
"Okay, thank you," I said graciously.
He hastily brought his car around to the front of the building, backed it up, and opened the trunk. "Here you go. Just let me know when you are ready to leave."

I mentally added one more thing to be grateful for on my list. And started Elder Scott's talk over again for the third time.

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.

When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive the maximum help from your loving Father.

The laundry was ready and loaded into the trunk of Vic's car.  He came out with a bag full of treats from the vending machine. "For your children." He smiled, stuffing the bag between the folded towels.  He drove me home and helped me carry the baskets up to my apartment.  I thanked him again for all his kindness and generosity.  He hugged me, kissed me on the head, and drove away with a wave, "I love you, kid."

I pulled out the bag of treats Vic had stuffed into the laundry and began to divide the candy among the children.  At the bottom of a bag was an envelope with $100.  "Ah, Vic, you didn't need to do that!" I said out loud as if he were still there.  I rebuked myself for complaining so openly. I didn't want him to give me money! I didn't want anyone to!!  Nevertheless, it was another blessing and I thanked my God for it. I remembered the verse I had been pondering over this past week. "For I know the plans I have for you..."

"When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow." - Richard G. Scott

I want to grow.
I trust the Lord.
-Alicia

To Draw Closer to God - Ponderize - Week 27

General Conference is over and we have these six months to ponder all the wonderful messages before receiving again life-sustaining words from men and women called of God.  I absolutely loved the perspective Elder Renlund gave about fairness.  These are the notes I took during his talk:

• The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver ... the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement. 
• When we're distanced from God, even small inequities seem large.  
• Murmuring is the scriptural equivalent of childish whining.  Example:  Laman and Lemuel
• The closer we are to Jesus Christ in the thoughts and intents of our hearts, the more grateful we are for our Savior's grace.  Drawing nearer to the Savior causes us to change.  Rather than feeling entitled to His blessings and grace, we will want to do all we can to not cause Him any more grief.  
• Feel the power of Godly love.  Recognize the Lord's hand in your life.  Draw closer to the Savior.
• If life was fair we wouldn't be resurrected or return to our Father in Heaven.  It's not fair that Christ had to suffer for us, we don't deserve forgiveness or the resurrection.  For this I am grateful for "unfairness".  
• How much of the day do you spend whining?

This is my take-away:
 The principle difference in the statement "It's not fair" is dependent on where our focus is.  This focus will greatly affect the closeness we feel to God.

 A self-centered focus of "it's not fair" is when we spend our time scrambling for what we "deserve" or listing all the things we don't have.  It's a temperament that's offensive to the Spirit and we distance ourselves from God and others with such an attitude.  The entitlement philosophy suffocates appreciation, respect, love, and beauty.

On the other hand, it's a humbling shift when we focus the statement of "It's not fair" toward what our Savior has done for us. It's not fair that He was crucified, that He took upon Him all our sins and sorrows.  It's not fair that He was bruised and broken on the cross, rejected and hated for us.  Did He deserve better?  Absolutely!  We are undeserving of a resurrection, of His incredible love, unfailing sacrifice, and sweet forgiveness... yet He gave it freely.  Such a focus instills deep reverence, awe, and gratitude... drawing our hearts ever closer to God.

My personal scripture study this morning reminded me of Elder Renlund's talk.  Here the people of Nephi do a wonderful job applying the principle of a Christ-Centered focus:

"They were not lifted up in the pride of their eyes; neither were they slow to remember the Lord their God; a but they did humble themselves exceedingly before Him.  Yea, they did remember how great things the Lord had done for them, that He had delivered them from death, and from bonds, and from prisons, and from all manner of afflictions, and He had delivered them out of the hands of their enemies." - Alma 62:49-50

I'm so grateful for conference and the abundant truths there are to reflect and feast on.  As I ponder this scripture for the week, I'll be trying to notice where my own focus is.

-Alicia

Keep Hope Alive

Because it's Good Friday, I've been thinking a lot about Christ in Gethsemane and on the cross.  Ever since Elder Wirthlin gave this talk back in 2006, this particular Friday always reminds me of these promises:

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

...Because of our beloved Redeemer, we can lift up our voices, even in the midst of our darkest Fridays, and proclaim, “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” (1 Corinthians 15:55)

When President Hinckley spoke of the terrible loneliness that comes to those who lose the ones they love, he also promised that in the quiet of the night a still, unheard voice whispers peace to our soul: “All is well.”

I am grateful beyond measure for the sublime true doctrines of the gospel and for the gift of the Holy Ghost, which has whispered to my soul the comforting and peaceful words promised by our beloved prophet.

From the depths of my sorrow, I have rejoiced in the glory of the gospel."

Through our faith in Christ, we have hope.  We may have a limited view of what will come and great sorrow may pull us under during those times where we can see no end to suffering, but we keep believing and we keep hope alive.  Whatever the hunger, whatever the pain, or whatever the anguish - we can always trust that "God is in His heaven" and whether things feel right in our lives at such moments or not, we can trust that someday they will be made right.  I know this!  How grateful I am for my beloved Savior!

-Alicia

Watchmen on the Tower

I saw this coming.  When we made the change-over into 2015, I felt it so clear:  "There will come a threshing within the church this year that will try the faith of the people." And just before October's General Conference, I was discussing with my friend, Carol, "There is so much change in the air.  Can you believe we will be getting three new apostles?  But don't you sense there is more to this?  I feel like there will be policy changes that will try the faith of the saints. They may not necessarily be announced during conference but certainly will be just a few weeks after."
She affirmed that she had been having the same impressions.
Sure enough, there was a policy change on November 5th that has indeed been a threshing among members.

This morning I read in D&C 88:79-80 where the Lord commands us to get an education "Of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms—

That ye may be prepared in all things when I shall send you again to magnify the calling where unto I have called you, and the mission with which I have commissioned you."

 I had the opportunity to go to the United Nations in March of this year.  That was an education I wasn't expecting. There my eyes were opened to the face of pure evil in the form of highly sophisticated organized groups operating under many institutions, nations, and names.... Names that no one would ever suspect because on the outside they "appear" to be doing a lot of good.  But the truth is they are "ravenous wolves in sheep's clothing" and underneath their motive is wicked, primarily driven by money and power.  The tragedy is that so many err because they are uninformed or misinformed and good people become pawns in the hands of these organizations.  If only people could catch a glimpse of what is really going on with the push for sexual rights.  It is an all-out fully-loaded cunningly devised attack to exploit and shred to pieces all that is sacred and holy.

Just over two weeks ago, I had the opportunity of attending World Congress of Families IX.  It was far more uplifting than some of the meetings I attended at the UN.  Instead of being a panel of talking heads banging themselves up against each other, it was refreshing at the WCF where everyone was unified on the real solutions to our social ills.  This was an international gathering of world and religious leaders who all agree on our need for a restoration of faith in God, protection of the family, of moral principles, and more protection of our religious liberty if we want to find healing in our homes and in our countries.

People may accuse me of being a conspiracy theorist but that doesn't bother me.  It's no surprise, we see this pattern in The Book of Mormon of which Joseph Smith said,

"The downfall of two great American civilizations came as a result of secret conspiracies whose desire was to overthrow the freedom of the people. 'And they have caused the destruction of this people of whom I am now speaking,' says Moroni, 'and also the destruction of the people of Nephi.” (Ether 8:21.)

Many factors that led to the destruction of the people could have been pointed out but notice how it was secret combinations that was the main cause.  

President Benson warned, "The greatest threat to... peace, prosperity, and the spread of God's work... is the godless conspiracy. There is no conspiracy theory in the Book of Mormon —it is a conspiracy fact."

This is one of the reasons why I esteem the Book of Mormon to be so crucial and valuable.  Those who make it their serious regular study will not be surprised in these last days to see all that will unfold.   Moroni says, “Wherefore, the Lord commandeth you, when ye shall see these things come among you that ye shall awake to a sense of your awful situation, because of this secret combination which shall be among you” (Ether 8:14.)

As much as I've witnessed "behind the curtains" there are those who have seen and do see so much more.  No one on the earth has been more educated of "things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations" than those who have been anointed as prophets, seers, and revelators.  These men have been called of God to stand as vigilant guards.

Last week, I read in Ezekiel 33 where it speaks of these great "Watchmen" and how they have given us such fair warning:

"When I bring the sword upon a land if the people of the land take a man of their coasts, and set him for their watchman:  If when he seeth the sword come upon the land, he blow the trumpet, and warn the people;  Then whosoever heareth the sound of the trumpet, and taketh not warning; if the sword come, and take him away, his blood shall be upon his own head." - Ezekiel 33:2-4

It's a sad day when the words of the prophets are rejected.  The mentality is just like my little "Revised Hymn" I wrote several years ago:

Ezekiel 33:30-33 says this
"...your people [the prophet's people or members of the Church] are talking together about you by the walls and at the doors of the houses, saying to each other, ‘Come and hear the message that has come from the Lord.’ My people come to you [the prophets], as they usually do, and sit before you to hear your words, but they do not put them into practice. Their mouths speak of love, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain.  Indeed, to them you are nothing more than one who sings love songs with a beautiful voice and plays an instrument well, for they hear your words but do not put them into practice." (New International Version)

I believe the words of the living prophets and apostles.  I think we tread on dangerous ground when we take their counsel lightly or when a policy it set in place to label it as one brought on by fallible mortals.  As seers they have a clearer view of "things as they really are"...  for they see that which is unseen.  Oh how we need to trust this!  I sustain them and uphold them with all my heart.  I am not afraid to speak the truth for the truth is my sword in battle.  These watchmen stand guard to protect the city not to control it.  I choose to listen and obey.

-Alicia

The New Heart In Us

Paul Cardall is a popular pianist and musician who was born with congenital heart disease.  I've been listing to many of his compositions for nearly a decade now.  He had a blog I used to follow before he had surgery to receive his new heart in 2009.

This morning I was reading through the Old Testament (I am determined to finish it by the end of this year.) As I read Ezekiel 11:19 - 20.  I remembered back in 2009 a conference talk based off of this scripture.  It was the conference one month following Paul's miraculous heart transplant.  The timing was so perfect that it left an indelible impression on my mind and I've never forgotten it.  Elder Renlund spoke about the human body's natural reaction to reject a donor heart and what a recipient must do in order to preserve it.  He explained:

• "In each heart transplant recipient, the patient’s own body recognizes the new, lifesaving heart as 'foreign' and begins to attack it. Left unchecked, the body’s natural response will reject the new heart, and the recipient will die. Medicines can suppress this natural response, but the medications must be taken daily and with exactness. Furthermore, the condition of the new heart must be monitored. Occasional heart biopsies are performed wherein small pieces of heart tissue are removed and then examined under a microscope. When signs of rejection are found, medications are adjusted. If the rejection process is detected early enough, death can be averted."

• "Surprisingly, some patients become casual with their transplanted hearts. They skip their medicines here and there and obtain the needed follow-up less frequently than they should. They think that because they feel good, all is well. Too often this shortsighted attitude puts the patients at risk and shortens their lives."

This leads me to ask two questions, 

First, "What does this new heart or new spirit look like in our lives?" 

In my Book of Mormon study, I just read these verses that seem to have the answer. (2 Nephi 21:2-5 or Isaiah 11:2-5)

"And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord;

And shall make him of quick understanding in the fear of the Lord; and he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither reprove after the hearing of his ears.

 But with righteousness shall he judge the poor, and reprove with equity for the meek of the earth; and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked.  And righteousness shall be the girdle of his loins, and faithfulness the girdle of his reins."

With this we can conclude that this is what the new heart looks like :

1. A Spirit that brings wisdom and understanding, (Also See Galatians 5:22-23)
2. A Spirit that gives direction and builds strength,
3. A Spirit that instills knowledge and Fear-of-God (not of man)
4. This deep reverence for the sacred will be all his joy and delight.
5. A Spirit that won’t judge by appearances, won’t decide on the basis of hearsay.
6. A Spirit that will judge the needy by what is right, and render decisions on earth’s poor with justice.
7. In the New Living Translation verse 5 interprets righteousness being the girdle of our loins as  "wearing righteousness like an undergarment" (I love to think about this in regards to the covenants we make in the temple.) 

Our family scripture study just happens to fall upon these verses in Mosiah.  It lines up perfectly with where I am in my personal study of both the Old Testament and the Book of Mormon. I love how the message is consistent! It says that everyone, "must be born again; yea, born of God, changed from their carnal and fallen state, to a state of righteousness, being redeemed of God, becoming his sons and daughters; And thus they become new creatures" - Mosiah 27:25-26

Just as with a physical heart transplant, the patient must take measures to prevent their body from rejecting the new heart, so it is with this new Spirit.
This leads me to my second question:
"How do we keep the blood of Christ flowing and pumping through the veins of our soul?"

  Elder Renlund answers:

• We must "frequently assess the condition of [our] spiritually changed hearts." We must "not simply assume that all was well. By figuratively examining [our]changed hearts, [we can] identify any early hardening or rejection and treat it."

This frequent assessment or regular biopsy I believe is done through consistent recurrent visits to the Great Physician, through sincere daily prayers, through weekly partaking of the Sacrament and pondering the Lord's Atonement in our life, through asking how we can turn outside of ourselves, to humbly let go of what we want and follow the self-less life of the Savior.  We need to be willing to follow "the prescribed course" He sets for us as we seek His word through scriptures, priesthood counsel, and revelation.  As we do this and endure to the end He will help our weary hearts stay alive forever.

-Alicia

Faith Atrophy

This last General Conference, I noticed a word you don't hear spoken in such meetings very often.  At least I don't remember hearing it in conference before.  But this time it was mentioned more than once, by more than one speaker so that's why it stood out to me.  The word was "atrophy" not just any kind of atrophy but "faith atrophy."

• Faith [fāTH] - To hope for things which are not seen, but which are true.  Must be centered in Jesus Christ.  To have confidence in God and His word.
• Atrophy [a-truh-fee] - A wasting away, degeneration, decline, or decrease, as from defective nutrition or disuse.

Just as our physical bodies need to excersise regularly in order to avoid atrophy in our joints and muscles, so our spirit needs regular excersise.

Weights and opposing forces are benificial in pysical excerscise.  It's easy to see this!  We seek out bigger and harder weights to increase our muscle.  But I imagine we often lose this vision with spiritual excercise.  Those forces that oppose us or weigh us down spiritually can be overwhelming and certainly unwelcoming. But in order for faith to grow, it needs to have something to pull through or push up against.

Understanding the need for struggle, for trials, and the unpleasantries of life, Lehi teaches his son, Jacob:

• "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility." - 2 Nephi 2:11

The opposition we face is really opportunity.  It is a chance to excercise our faith, to become unshaken in our testimony.

The quickest way to lose faith is to do nothing.  Sometimes the strongest force fighting against faith is our very own unwillingness to move, to open the scriptures and not just read but to actually study them, to take real time pondering and praying.  And then when we receive certain guidance or direction we act and go forward, even if the Spirit has directed us to move in a way that is painful or uncomfortable.  We will do it more willingly when we have eyes to see beyond this life, when we understand that acting upon doctrine and the whisperings of the Spirit builds an eternal treasure.

"So exercise your faith every day, and you will 'wax stronger and stronger … and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ.'"- Robert D. Hales

In the Bible Dictionary under Faith, it reads:

• All true faith must be based upon correct knowledge or it cannot produce the desired results. Faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel and is more than belief, since true faith always moves its possessor to some kind of physical and mental action; it carries an assurance of the fulfillment of the things hoped for. A lack of faith leads one to despair, which comes because of iniquity.

• Although faith is a gift, it must be cultured and sought after until it grows from a tiny seed to a great tree. The effects of true faith in Jesus Christ include (1) an actual knowledge that the course of life one is pursuing is acceptable to the Lord (see Heb. 11:4); (2) a reception of the blessings of the Lord that are available to man in this life; and (3) an assurance of personal salvation in the world to come. These things involve individual and personal testimony, guidance, revelation, and spiritual knowledge. Where there is true faith there are miracles, visions, dreams, healings, and all the gifts of God that He gives to His saints. Jesus pointed out some obstacles to faith in John 5:44 and 12:39–42 (see also James 1:6–8).

This is amazing!! Faith is the gateway to "miracles, visions, dreams, healings, and all the gifts of God."  Who wouldn't want these things??  So we pray with all our hearts, "give me faith" and we understand fully, accepting with gratitude for God the "weight" that comes with it and walk on with real and not pretended confidence.

-Alicia

Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority - Richard G. Scott

Women Who Are Organized

President Russell M. Nelson gave a beautiful talk about women in this last General Conference.  I was jotting down notes like crazy.  He quoted the following from President Boyd K. Packer:

"We need women who will applaud decency and quality in everything from the fashion of clothing to crucial social issues.

We need women who are organized and women who can organize. We need women with executive ability who can plan and direct and administer; women who can teach, women who can speak out.

There is a great need for women who can receive inspiration to guide them personally in their teaching and in their leadership responsibilities.

We need women with the gift of discernment who can view the trends in the world and detect those that, however popular, are shallow or dangerous.

We need women who can discern those positions that may not be popular at all, but are right."
 - Boyd K. Packer

As I copied this wonderful quote into my journal, I admit there was one tiny part that was a little hard to swallow. "We need women who are organized and women who can organize." I choked on it as I laughed unapprovingly at myself, "Oh man, I am seriously lacking in that department."  It seems whenever or wherever I read that word "order" it stings me.  I know it's not my strong point.  When I think of order I think of filing cabinets, spreadsheets, ironed sheets, alphabetical everything, color coordinated closets, a perfectly spotless house, blocked-out days, and  boxed-in rigidity.  I don't know where I acquired this view of order? Maybe it's because growing up my dad seemed to be a little obsessive about it, to the point that it hurt relationships and it involved physical or verbal abuse. I think people can go too far with any principle. On one occasion, I heard some women talking about going on a family vacation.  One of them spoke to the other about her packing preparations, about masking taping a grid on her floor for each day of the week, color coordinating each of her children's outfits into their own labeled Ziploc bags, and laying them upon the grid.  The other woman responded with glee, "That sounds absolutely fantastic!"  Under my breath I whispered to myself, "That sounds like hell."

I know that "order" and OCD aren't the same thing.  I've got to find a way to untie them in my mind.  I know that President Packer wasn't saying the Church needs women who are military pressed accomplishing each day with white-gloved precision.  There is beautiful order in the way the church is run.   It takes a certain amount of order to put together reports or plan meaningful lessons. Order is needed for proper records and constructive meetings. In my family,  I appreciate the order it takes to prepare a meal but I've never been one who plans them weeks in advance. (Well, I tried it once but it didn't last long.) I like room to be able to change my mind, to simplify or fit in what's practical at the moment. I like to prepare things according to the flow of the day. Granted, this means I make more trips to the grocery store than needed which is probably not very efficient.  I guess I'm just different that way... I actually find great peace in having the freedom to be spontaneous.  

Several years ago, my husband and I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.  My husband learned that he was the "nerd" and I was the "free-spirit" (I actually see myself as a free-spirited nerd.)  Anyway, the thought of sitting down regularly each month to go over his spread-sheets and budget was not very thrilling to me and I admit I resisted at first.  But the natural way my husband structures and orders things was very beneficial for us and I found that it wasn't so bad.  I discovered I still have freedom within these bounds and probably more than I did before we had a budget.  

I guess it's good that we all have different strengths and that maybe this call President Packer made to women is meant to be a collaborative effort, that it's understood some of us will be weaker in certain areas than others. But as we combine our individual talents and abilities we are able to cover the whole playing field.  

Still, with all the flying I do by the seat of my pants, I'm sure I make some people dizzy.  My husband is 180 degrees opposite, he thrives on having things predictable, no wrenches thrown in, just smooth clock-working machinery. He's very good at order and I've learned to appreciate the anchor it has been to me.  With a little more order in my life I might just complete one or two of the hundreds of tasks I've begun.  I'm sure I wouldn't lose my keys, or my purse, or my train of thought so often and I know I'd be more effective with my time.  

-Alicia
(flibbertigibbet)

I'm Ready Now

 I was reviewing the Priesthood Session from April's 2015 Conference this morning.  President Uchtdorf gave a great talk On Being Genuine.  This reminded me of the thoughts I have recently had about shallowness and being real.  It was fun to put those principles back to back.  But anyway, the talk that stood out to me this morning was the one by President Eyring on personal prayer.  Our Father in Heaven is truly amazing!  I rejoice with all my heart that He hears every prayer!  Knowing this fills me with a calm and a peace I can't express.

 President Eyring testifies, "With a prayer of faith, God can grant us power in the priesthood for whatever circumstance we may be in. It simply requires that we ask in humility for the Spirit to show us what God would have us say and do, do it, and continue to live worthy of that gift.

I bear you my testimony that God the Father lives, loves us, and hears our every prayer. I bear testimony that Jesus is the living Christ, whose Atonement makes it possible for us to be purified and so be worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. I testify that with our faith and diligence, we can one day hear the words that will bring us joy: 'Well done, thou good and faithful servant.' I pray that we will receive that wonderful benediction from the Master we serve."

How thankful I am for prayer.  I add my testimony to President Eyring's.  The Savior's atonement truly does make it possible for us to be purified and worthy of the Spirit in our life.  To have His Spirit "always with us" is no small gift and I can't think of a greater companion to accompany us in our journey through this world.  

In addition to these talks, I also heard a song on the radio called, "Lord I'm Ready Now."  Just that title alone made me think of the hymn, "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go."  I said a silent prayer combining both of these titles as they penetrated deep into my heart, "Lord, I'm ready now and will go wherever you want me to go."  This readiness to go wherever the Lord sees fit is something I have prayed long and hard for.  So, to have this feeling wash over me was refreshing to my soul.  

(Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not announcing that we're moving by any stretch of the imagination, who knows - we may live here another 10 or 15 years?)  But it felt so good to be able to say, "I'm ready now."  

Last night I laid in bed with each of my children and took turns scratching their backs.  It's one of my favorite things to do with them at the end of the day.  I cannot describe the feeling of contentment I had as I lay their and visited with each one.   Afterward, I walked into the living room and knelt down next to my husband who was finishing his prayers.  "What a good man" I thought to myself as gratitude flooded my soul for his righteous and humble heart.  "What a sweet and full life I have!" 

Our Father in Heaven truly hears our every prayer, I know this! I'm ready now... I have nothing to fear.  :)

-Alicia

Confession

Okay, I have a confession to make....
I may have just a slight obsession and or addiction to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland talks. For years and YEARS I've listened to all of his BYU devotionals.  I'm not sure when exactly I got hooked or if it's necessarily a bad thing... I love to hear ALL of the apostles and prophets but for some reason, the way Elder Holland delivers the message and the words he chooses hit me with a force that both stills my soul and moves me into immediate action.  He's like the perfect mix between a drill Sergeant and Glenda, the Good Witch.  Can I say that?   I love listening to the talks his wife, Patricia, gives as well.  She also knows how to "nail it."

Yesterday, I had playing on repeat both of the devotionals they gave back in Jan. of 1987.  The Bitter Cup and the Bloody Baptism and The Soul's Center.  Classic, absolutely classic!  Highly recommended!

(I also have an obsession with talks by Elder Neal A. Maxwell.)