I Saw an Angel Fly - Ponderize - Week 60

"And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel
to preach unto them that dwell on the earth,
and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people,

Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him;
for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven,
and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters."

 - Revelation 14:6-7

Somebody Needs the Light You Have - Ponderize - Week 45

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, 

and glorify your Father which is in heaven." 

- Matthew 5:16

"Jesus wants every one of us to know him because of the transforming power of that knowledge and because of the indescribable joy it brings into our lives. But the influence of the gospel is to extend beyond each individual. It is to be as a light that dispels the darkness from the lives of those around us. No one of us is saved solely and simply for himself alone, just as no lamp is lighted merely for its own benefit." - Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

"Pushing Back The Dark"

Beyond the Veil

My dad was named after his father.  Dad was the oldest of 10 children.  His mother died of breast cancer when he was still a kid, long before I was ever born. But I always felt like I knew his mother because my dad always talked about her.  He loved her so much!

His mother was a convert to the church.  She was a petite little brunette, 5ft 2 and never weighed more than 100 pounds. Even though she was very small, she had a giant soul.  She served in the army, that's where she and my grandpa met.  He instantly fell in love with her small figure and feisty southern personality.  One day he saw her passing by the army barracks and whistled at her.  She turned around with a wink in her eye and flirted, "Well, if you can't howl, don't even bother to whistle!" My grandpa was instantly smitten.  He loved to tell that story.

When my dad was one year old, he was sealed to his parents in the Temple. He actually has some memory of that special day as crazy as that might seem for a one-yr-old to remember, but he does.  Anyway, I loved the stories my dad would tell me about his mom.  It was my way of "getting to know her."  

One day, the day before Memorial Day, when my daughter was two years old, I was doing my hair getting ready for church.  I could hear Miriam's cute little voice chattering to herself as she playfully took toothbrushes and pretended they were people.  I stopped for a moment to peak around the corner to observe her playing.  I stood there for a while just soaking in how adorable she was and how much I loved her.  Then I went back to getting ready for church and tuned into KSL radio to a listen to a Church broadcast in honor of the Memorial Day weekend.  

I started to think about Memorial Day and remembered how dad always used to take us to his mother's grave every single year as a family.  I thought of how long it had been since I had returned.  I must have stopped going after I got married.  "I should go visit her grave tomorrow", the thought popped into my head... but then I started to rationalize
"I'm too busy tomorrow."
"It's just a grave site, her spirit's not there anyway."
"Besides, why would she care if I visit, she doesn't even know me."
Then I heard a voice speak to my mind and heart, "Oh, I know you!  I know you more than you know your little girl in the other room.  I know you very, very well."  It was then that I caught a vision of a mother's love that extends through generations.  I looked again at Miriam who was playing and thought, "That's right.  It wouldn't matter if it was her child or her children's children.  She's my girl... I'm fully invested in her and all her posterity forever and ever and nothing would or could change that... not even death."  

The radio continued to play in the background and then I heard the man giving the sermon quote from Malachi and the verse about the Spirit of Elijah, "He shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers."  And I was reminded of my patriarchal blessing where it said, "Their hearts are already turned to you, Alicia.  And when yours is sufficiently turned to them, you will have this glorious experience and be a Savior on Mt. Zion."  Tears began streaming down my face and I felt the presence of my grandmother so strong as if she were there wrapping her arms around me.  

I went to her grave the next day and knelt down as I placed the flowers.  I said a prayer and asked for forgiveness for not realizing before how very aware she was of me and for not turning my heart to her sooner.  Since then, I have slowly picked away at family search and discovered that out of all my family lines, her's seemed to have the most work waiting to be done.  Most of the names I have taken to the Temple have been through her tree.  It has been a wonderful experience.

I believe in angels.  I believe heaven is closer than we realize.

Joseph F. Smith Taught,
“I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. … We are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors … who have preceded us into the spirit world. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we can not break. … If this is the case with us in our finite condition, surrounded by our mortal weaknesses, … how much more certain it is … to believe that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond … can see us better than we can see them; that they know us better than we know them. … We live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; … their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves."

John Taylor also testified,

"God lives, and his eyes are over us, and his angels are round and about us, and they are more interested in us than we are in ourselves, ten thousand times, but we do not know it"  

I pray we will have eyes to see beyond the veil of this life, I know it will happen when we turn our hearts to those who have gone before us, who love us so deeply.  As we do all we can to make the blessings of the Temple available to them, we will feel their presence more closely in our lives and have their protection.

-Alicia

Call it what it is...

We have an amazing Father in Heaven and I can't explain how but I know He is real, that He is the Father of each of us, that He hears, He sees, He understands, and He knows all.

Personally, I've experienced answers to prayers more numerous these past couple of years than I can begin to describe; situations, parallels, and connections that are far too many to be coincidental. And even though I may not see the bigger picture and have a full vision of its purpose at this moment in my life, it has strengthened my faith and I am grateful.

I know we can receive Divine assistance and heavenly help.  I know we are not alone even when we feel as if there isn't a single soul who understands.  We can have mysteries unfolded.  Answers will come line upon line... and I'm slowly learning patience, the kind of patience that is okay with not knowing "why" until my life is over.  Every heartache, every struggle only draws me to my knees in deeper, more soulful prayer.

To some who know "my story," it might seem crazy or impossible - but the more that has been revealed... I'm compelled to call it what it really is: A miracle!

Yeah, I'm a believer!
-Alicia

Oh, Thank Heaven - Ponderize - Week 39

Yesterday, my husband and I rode his motorcycle to attend a family meeting with my father-in-law and all the adults.  When we arrived, it took a moment to adjust because my entire face and arms were numb from flapping in the wind at 80 mph for an entire hour. That's the furthest I've ever ridden with him.  

I love that my father-in-law does these meetings a couple times a year, that he recognizes his stewardship continues in many ways even though his children are grown.  At these meetings, he shares insights and lessons, gives counsel/ warnings, and bears testimony of the power of the Priesthood in our lives (both men and women).  Last night, he bore testimony of the ability we have to call on the powers of heaven, that God hears our prayers, and that no matter the difficulties we face in the future we can count on a sure knowledge that by faith, miracles happen!

After the meeting was over, we visited with one another for almost another two hours.  A couple of times, I looked around the room and was filled with gratitude for such an amazing family.  How I love these people!  I had a great conversation with my niece, Morgan.  She's back home after being away at college for a few years and it was so awesome to see how much she's matured.  She's just one of the adults now.

We left my father-in-law's home around 10:30.  I hopped on the bike with Joseph and before we entered the freeway I noticed the 7-11 sign, "Oh thank heaven!"
"Yeah" I thought.  I began to list the incredible blessings in my life:
The blessing of having an abundance of everything I need to stay alive.
The blessing of having four outstanding, creative, talented, beautiful, fun, and big-hearted children.
The blessing of holding on to my husband and knowing that we can get through anything together.
The blessing of knowing without any doubt that God is real, that He loves me, that He knows me, that He hears my every prayer, every longing, every desire of my heart, and that He's working things out in His timing for my good.
The blessing of knowing that no matter what happens in life, no matter the difficulties we might face now or in the future, we can call down heaven, and it will be alright.
My eyes began to fill with tears as my mind flooded with thoughts of every blessing, big and small, even the ones that have come through heartache and sorrow. I looked up at the stars and whispered a grateful "Thank You."

Riding late at night on the interstate at 80 mph with helmets as our only protective gear, caused my mind to drift to a few other thoughts.  "What if something went wrong right now? What if we hit a break in the road or had to suddenly dodge some debris? What if something happened that took both our lives right this very moment?  How exposed we are!  How vulnerable we are in this current situation!"  I held tightly to my husband's waist, the opposing force of the wind almost made my neck tired.  But I felt an awesome sensation.  I felt complete peace and totally calm! "What if it were my time, right now?" Without hesitation my whole soul answered, "I'd thank God for everything. What a ride it has been!"  I closed my eyes and the rushing speed of wind pulling on my body no longer felt like opposition but like a thousand angels surrounding me, enveloping me in a cloak of heavenly power and glory.

This morning, I read the verse where King Benjamin exhorts his people in Mosiah 2:19, "If I who ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your heavenly King!" I thought of my experience on the motorcycle last night and the sensation of being embraced by a thousand angels.  I cross-referenced to several verses about gratitude and found a song that David wrote in Psalms 34:1-4.

You gotta love David, this is a guy who knows how to speak my language. :)

"I will bless the Lord at all times: 

His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul shall make her boast in the Lord: 

The humble shall hear thereof, and be glad.

O magnify the Lord with me, 

and let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he heard me, 

and delivered me from all my fears."

-Alicia

The Impossible Dream

I know two songs from the movie though I don't recall ever watching it.  I've never read the book either... even though it has sat on my shelf for years.  When I was a little girl, I remember my mother singing The Impossible Dream and Man of Lamancha.  She'd dance through the kitchen like a cheerful songbird and often get the lyrics messed up... but she sang her heart out anyway.

After reading the book that came in the mail last week, I took interest in the way the author mentions Don Quixote in her last chapter.  It reads as follows:

After [Don Quixote] tells [Aldonza] of his quest - to follow the impossible dream - she pleads, "Once, just once - would you look at me as I really am?"
He gazes into her eyes and answers, "I see beauty.  Purity.  I see the woman each man holds secret within him. Duclinea."

...In his quest to "add some measure of grace to the world" he became alive to new visions, to the vision of one who values all life - Jesus Christ.

Though she fights his vision as being unrealistic, her heart longs for it to be true, and in time the presence of his love, gentleness, and glory transform her life and her very nature.  

His triumph in the quest to "add some measure of grace" comes as he lies upon his deathbed and Aldonza comes to see him.  
She cries for him to regain the quest, "Please!  Try to remember!"
"Is it so important?" he asks.
"Everything.  My whole life.  You spoke to me and everything was different!" she pleads.
As he fades and dies, she is resurrected into a new being and walks away with his quest instilled upon her heart, and thereafter calls herself, Dulcinea [which means -sweet above all that is sweet]."

The part she describes here sounded so familiar to me.
"I know this story" I thought to myself.  " I know it well."
 It's a story of transformation, a story of redemption, a story of what happens to a soul when someone sees them differently, when they are seen by the light of truth, and it awakes them to who they are meant to become no matter how impossible it might seem.

There's no doubt in my mind that God knows and loves us beyond our mortal comprehension.  He answers our prayers.  He has great plans, tailor-made opportunities, and custom-fit challenges to help us grow into who we're meant to be.
...And sometimes He sends angels to help us along our journey.   I will thank God for my angels every single day of my life.  How could I ever forget the measure of grace they added to my world?!  Their quest is my quest now. It is written and instilled deep upon my heart forever.

From Don Quixote

To dream the impossible dream

To fight the unbeatable foe

To bear with unbearable sorrow

And to run where

the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong

And to love pure and chaste from afar

To try when your arms are too weary

To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest

To follow that star

No matter how hopeless

No matter how far

To fight for the right

Without question or pause

To be willing to march,

march into hell

For that heavenly cause

And I know

If I'll only be true

To this glorious quest

That my heart

Will lie peaceful and calm

When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be

better for this

That one man, scorned

and covered with scars,

Still strove with his last

ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable,

the unreachable,

The unreachable star

And I'll always dream

The impossible dream

Yes, and I'll reach

The unreachable star

"It is not that something different is seen, but that one sees differently.

It is as though the spatial act of seeing were changed by a new dimension."

- Carl Jung

Beauty Divine

"I looked and beheld a tree... and the beauty thereof was far beyond, 

yea, exceeding of all beauty."

(1 Nephi 11:8)

Breathtaking vision, It's a sight to behold,

Something about it that never grows old.

Its brilliance is timeless and shines like the Son-

Bright as the day heav'n and earth become one.

Age will not tarnish purest beauty Divine

Each passing year only ripen, refine

Growing in majesty and flourishing grace,

Kindness, compassion, a smiling face,

Inspiring virtue, fine-tuned affection

Hope, friendship, joy, and human connection.
A new Spirit within from heaven above
Constantly reaching with a Christlike love,

Everlasting beauty that conquers the grave

Lives on in the soul and all that they gave.

by, Alicia Rawlins

Tree of Life by, Audiomachine

“I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and … lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives.” - President Thomas S. Monson

"I have come to know that it is the love of God and neighbor that gives meaning to life. May we follow our Savior’s example and His admonition to reach out to others with love." - Cheryl A. Esplin

"There is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving." - Henry Drummond

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." - Henry Drummond

"Great and Terrible"

Last week, I took a walk around the neighborhood with my dear friend, Lou.  He was born in 1929 and over his lifetime, he has witnessed a lot of change in our world for good and bad.  As we walked, he expressed to me his fears of the future.  It's rare for me to hear Lou express anything that isn't positively upbeat and optimistic.... besides, I was surprised someone of his age worrying like he was because he won't have to live through much more.  But even though his years ahead are few, his children will still be here, and his children's children.  He asked, "Oh Alicia, what kind of world will they live in?"

I told Lou that the night before I had a similar conversation with my sisters-in-law.  Eight of us had gotten together for a girls night and the topic of the presidential election came up:  We all wondered and marveled together how America got to the place that it's in.  We discussed the possible changes we would face; the economy, religious freedom, parental rights, the persecutions that might come, the struggles and the hardships.  But the tone of the conversation shifted from the "terrible" and turned to the "great".  Soon, we began testifying of the miracles we would witness and have already witnessed, we began talking about the amazing youth who make daily deliberate choices to be true to the faith in the face of so much opposition.  We shared examples in the scriptures and personal testimony.

I put my arm around my friend and said, "Lou, your children will experience great things!  Joel said that it will be a 'great and terrible day'.  Sometimes, I think we forget the part that it will be great."  First Nephi 22:17 says that "the righteous need not fear".  I then shared with Lou the story from 2Kings chapter 16 about Elisha and the young servant completely encompassed by the Syrian army.  Lou had forgotten that story in the scriptures and he listened intently.  (It's not that he's never read it but that his memory is not well and sometimes he forgets me too.) I told him about the servant who was with Elisha when the Syrian army sought their lives... the young man opened the tent door and saw that they were surrounded on every side by their enemies and it filled him with terror. I told him how Elisha prayed that the young servant's eyes would be open.   When he looked out again, the veil was lifted from him and he saw hosts of angels (much more numerous than their enemy) standing in readiness to defend and protect Elisha and the young man.

I stopped and turned to Lou, placing my hand reassuringly on his shoulder, "I know that the darker the night gets, the brighter the stars shine.  We are going to see amazing things.  We are constantly, everyday, surrounded by angels.  We don't see them but they go before us and they have our back.  I know this!"  He was quiet and I could see tears well up in my friend's eyes, "Oh, thank you... I needed that.  Thank you for sharing that with me."  I hugged my friend and wished him a good night as he walked inside his home still thanking me, "Really, that makes me feel so much better.  Oh, how I needed that. Thank you again."

This morning in my scripture studies I was reminded of my walk with Lou and his concern for our country when I read, "We can behold the decrees of God concerning this land, that it is a land of promise; and whatsoever nation shall possess it shall serve God, or they shall be swept off when the fulness of his wrath shall come upon them. And the fulness of his wrath cometh upon them when they are ripened in iniquity." (Ether 2:9)

I recalled Mormon chapter 9 just a few pages earlier.  I love that chapter... because out of all the books of scriptures, out of all the numerous chapters written by ancient prophets, Mormon 9 is the one that mentions the word, "miracle" more than any other.  (14 times to be exact)

I love to hear Moroni's testimony.  If anyone knew what it was like to watch a nation fall apart, it was him.  But Moroni kept the faith and held fast in his testimony...  even when he stood alone.  Really, we have everything to hope for and look forward to.

"Behold, I will show unto you a God of miracles" - Moroni

-Alicia :)
Terror, Triumph, and a Wedding Feast

A Preparatory Temple

I had the opportunity of attending both the 9:00 and the 3:00 dedication services of the Provo City Center Temple in March.  I took a notebook with me to write down my thoughts and impressions from all who spoke.

The talk that struck me the most during the 9:00 session was Elder Oaks.  He began his address referring to another Temple in our church history that had risen from the ashes, the Nauvoo Temple.  He spoke of it as being a preparatory temple for those pioneer saints to face the difficult journey ahead of them.  It had just been completed when the persecution against the Church grew so intense that they were forced to leave their beautiful Nauvoo.

In his talk Elder Oaks likened the Provo City Center to the Nauvoo Temple saying that it would also be a preparatory temple for the struggles we would face in these last days.  In order to press through the hardships and trials of our day, he encouraged us to re-dedicate our lives to the building of Zion.  He testified of the ability to access heavenly power by doing temple work for our ancestors and also learning their stories.

Along this principle of building up the kingdom of God and establishing Zion in such a contentious day and age, Elder Oaks quoted from Abraham Lincoln's first inaugural address, "Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature." (I especially loved that Elder Oaks quoted this because it was something I had just written about 2-and-a-half weeks prior to the dedication.)

He emphasized that this "union" would be bound by the "mystic chords of memory" the stories of our loved ones, our ancestors, those in our family who have passed away.  He promised that as we learn and share their stories of faith, their personal testimonies, their struggles, and their triumphs, we will be "touched... by the better angels of our nature."  This very simple act of turning and connecting to the faith our forefathers and foremothers will not only soften our hearts and help us connect, instill unity, and increase our affection for one another in our family... but also in our community.

This past year, I have studied the life and stories of my 3rd great grandfather, William Wall (on my dad's side) and my great aunt Sylvia (on my mom's side).  Their stories of faith have astonished me.  I had no idea the kinds of things they had to persevere and press through.  They were every bit as brave and valiant as the prophets of old.  A great spirit of reverence and respect has instilled upon my heart for these ancestors of mine.  Even more wonderful, is that through reading their records I have felt their presence very clearly in my life...
I have felt the presence of angels... Something I think we are ALL going to need... for what lies ahead. (2 Kings 6:16)

-Alicia

"Understand and Prepare" - Ponderize - Week 32

I've had some unbelievable experiences these past two years that are too sacred to share and too hard to explain, so I won't even attempt to.  Everything has felt so condensed, so concentrated, so rapid.... So much has happened in such a short period of time...
I have felt like the "windows of heaven" have been opened as a flood, pulling me in like a riptide that's washing me out to sea...
It has been so overwhelming that I just haven't had "room enough to receive it".

Being overwhelmed like this, from experiencing things of a spiritual nature, so powerfully, so consistently, so frequent, in such a short amount of time, sounds like a pleasant and comfortable thing right?  I mean, saying  you've had the "windows of heaven" opened to you, one would think that all of this has been a joyful experience... it has... but...
Let me tell you, some of it has been excruciatingly painful and terribly, terribly lonely...
The only ones who have known my whole complete story through it all, who know me so well, has been the Lord and my husband.
Yesterday, I was weighed down with this loneliness.  And I wondered if that's what Paul meant by "weight of glory"... to have miraculous things happen and not be able to really share them because of the sacredness of it... or the unbelief of others...
It is very, very heavy.

My husband gave me a beautiful priesthood blessing late last night and then held me tightly in his arms.  I just wept and wept.

This morning in my scripture studies, I was searching for a verse to "ponderize" for the week.  I've just finished reading about the Savior's visit to the Nephites where He pretty much teaches them the same thing He taught the people of Jerusalem in Matthew 5 - 7.  Can you imagine what a spiritual experience that must have been to have Christ, Himself, teach and bless you face to face??  I'm sure it was beautiful, miraculous, powerful, and very, very overwhelming.  Would that have been like "the windows of heaven" being opened without "room enough to receive it"?

I wonder how many people believed them when they went back to tell their friends about their experience... how many thought they were crazy?  Depending on the responses (or lack of response) I imagine those who testified felt joy one moment and extreme pain the next.
But regardless of who believes... you know that there's more... that the story isn't over... there is more yet to be revealed.  You know that someday you'll understand it all.
So you keep moving, you press on in faith, in confidence, and trust that what you've experienced is truly Divine... even if no one believes you... even if people think you're crazy... even if it's a terribly lonely, lonely way to go.
It doesn't matter...  you will be prepared for tomorrow.

"Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and ponder upon the things which I have said, and ask the Father in my name, that ye may understand, and prepare your minds for the morrow, and I come unto you again." - 3 Nephi 17:3

-Alicia

Traditions and Truth

Our three neighbor children, Kaia, Carter, and Emma. came up to celebrate Easter with our family in the morning and again in the evening. We had scones with honey for breakfast because Christ ate honeycomb after he was resurrected.  For dinner, we had fish as our main course because the Savior taught us to be "fisher's of men".  We had grape juice with our meal too because Jesus "troddened the wine press alone".  For dessert, we made our traditional empty tombs.

As a gift, the kids got a new youth speaker CD, (they get one every Easter).  This one is called Press Forward by, John Bytheway.  It was great to have it play in the background while the children played chess and checkers.  

I'd say overall, the day went pretty well.  It was a little bumpy right after church between Miriam and Micah as they tried to dye Easter eggs.  The ones Micah tried to paint kept slipping out of his hands and cracking.  

We had a lot of mess with everything to say the least... but it all worked out.  I was really glad to have our three visitors.

As the kids listened to their John Bytheway CD - I heard this quote and had to quickly jot it down:

"God lives, and his eyes are over us, and his angels are round and about us, and they are more interested in us than we are in ourselves, ten thousand times, but we do not know it" (Journal of Discourses, 23: 222).

I love that!  "They are more interested in us than we are in ourselves, ten thousand times".  This is true! I know this!!  I mean, life can be hard and I think it's so wonderful to know that we can call down heaven to assist us.

Also, I've listened to this talk by Elder Holland a few times today.  I love his testimony!  

 "Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”

I like that we have this promise in life as Elder Holland says:  In the Gospel we have the "unfailing companionship" of Christ, of the Spirit, of angels (on earth and in heaven), prophets, teachers, leaders, and friends.  We are not alone!  I'm so thankful for this consolation and this wonderful Easter season!

-Alicia

Sunrise

“Grace shall be as your day”—what an interesting phrase. We have all sung it hundreds of times, but have we stopped to consider what it means? “Grace shall be as your day”: grace shall be like a day. As dark as night may become, we can always count on the sun coming up. As dark as our trials, sins, and mistakes may appear, we can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ. Do we earn a sunrise? No. Do we have to be worthy of a chance to begin again? No. We just have to accept these blessings and take advantage of them. As sure as each brand-new day, grace—the enabling power of Jesus Christ—is constant. Faithful pioneers knew they were not alone. The task ahead of them was never as great as the power behind them." - Brad Wilcox

Feeling Grace

"Warm rays of sunlight stream down upon me and dance across my face.

Darkness is dispelled as the morning breaks.

I breathe in the crisp refreshing air that follows a summer rain.

I smile.

I breathe deep again.

I feel blessed, I feel free.

I am home.

A new day has arrived,

I am rested and renewed.

Hope is alive,

It pulses through my veins.

There is nothing I fear,

I am safe here.

And it's only the beginning..."

By, Alicia Rawlins 2009

Daddy, did you know?

It's been a busy week as I've been preparing things for school where I have a big essay due and I have a lesson for church (I'm a little nervous to give.)
Also, we've invented a new fairy in our family (well, my mom invented her and I've carried on the tradition for sixteen years.)  The "Valentine's Fairy" comes every night for a whole week before the big day and leaves treats or trinkets with a cheesy little valentine note attached.... I mean really cheesy. :P  Anyway, it's my best friend's birthday on Monday too and I've wanted to prepare something nice for her.  Needless to say, there's been a lot of wonderful things to keep me busy.  I had a thought to call my brother, Kenneth. It's been a couple of months since we talked last over the phone.  But in all the rush, I just didn't get around to it.  He must have been thinking the same thing because he beat me to the call. (We seem to do that a lot.)  It was refreshing to take an hour spending time with him, an hour I don't think I had but it was extremely worth it. He shared a great story with me:

Kenneth and his wife, Kaylee, are expecting their second child.  Their first is Lily who is four-years-old. Ken and Kaylee live in Fort Worth, TX. They attend a wonderful Christian church on Sundays and send Lily there for pre-school during the week.  Job positions where my brother works have received cut-backs of nearly 58,000.  As they've worked their way from the bottom up to the more senior employees and it's now getting close to him.  He's been terrified to have another baby at this point especially because his wife will quit work and financially it just doesn't look good for him as a father and provider.

One morning, he lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, petitioning God for comfort, worrying about what was going to happen next and how things would ever work out.  Four-year-old Lily came walking in and stood at his bedside.  With an excitement in her voice she looked at her father and asked, "Daddy, did you know that God can do anything?  And did you know that Peter tried to walk on the water and became afraid but... did you know that God can do anything!"
His heart began to burst. "Yes baby, you are absolutely right," Kenneth responded with tears streaming down his face. The timing couldn't have been more perfect for her to come in and say what she did.

As my brother related this story, he had to pause for a moment to compose himself because even the memory of it made him emotional.  "Alicia," he said, "It's a complete miracle.... she hasn't just done this once but several mornings when I have laid there with my mind and heart overwhelmed. And each time she has come into my room, stood by my bed and said the very same thing. It is as if God sent her as an angel in those moments to comfort me."
I agreed with him and we had a wonderful time bearing testimony of how aware the Lord is of us. This is why I love talking with my brother so much. I'm so glad he called in the middle of all my chaos.

What a powerful lesson from the pure heart of a child!  "Did you know... God can do anything!"
 Faith as a Child
-Alicia

The Power of Pure Testimony

Alma the younger is overwhelmed with what is happening among his own church, among his own people.  They had all made covenants in the waters of baptism and yet "the people of the church began to wax proud... they began to be scornful, one towards another...their began to be great contentions, envying, and strife, and malice... he saw great inequality, ...lifting themselves up with their pride, despising others."  (Alma 4:6,8-10,12)  

"Now this was the cause of much affliction to Alma, yea, and to many of the people who Alma had consecrated to be teachers, and priests, and elders over the church." (Alma 4:7)

(Notice that those who served with Alma, those he had set-apart as teachers and leaders also grieved for what was happening.)

What a heavy burden this righteous man of God carried on his shoulders.  It "sorely grieved" him. He searched, pleaded, and prayed for answers and came to the conclusion that there was "no way that he might reclaim them save it were in bearing down in pure testimony against them."  He reminded them of the generation who had gone before them. It wasn't just his testimony he bore but he strove to remind them of the testimony of their parents and grandparents.  And he lists off these things that happened to them basically saying, "Don't you remember them, how they gained hope and salvation?"

Your parents and grandparents had these blessings:

• Delivered by the mercy and power of God (5:4)
• Delivered out of bondage by the power of His word (5:5)
• Delivered their souls from hell (5:6)
• He changed their hearts (5:7)
• He awakened them out of a deep sleep (5:7)
• Their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word (5:7)
• The bands of death were broken (5:9)
• The chains of hell were loosed (5:9)
• Their souls did expand (5:9)
• They did sing redeeming love (5:9)

Then he asks them "what is the cause" of the great miracles that took place with them.  How were all of these things possible?  He answers his own question,
"I can tell you."(Alma 5:11-13)

• They believed the Prophet
• They believed the Prophet spoke the words of God
• According to faith, there was a mighty change of heart as they applied the Prophet's words
• They humbled themselves
• They put their trust in God
• They were faithful to the end

I think the part that stands out to me here is the "pure testimony" that Alma bore to the people was mostly that of his father's testimony.  His father left a powerful legacy.  I wonder what affect it would have if we were to tap into and share as frequently as possible with our children the testimony of their grandmothers and grandfathers?  That seemed to be the common answer that stood out to me at World Congress 9 this year. Read their testimony to your children. Send it out in a weekly or monthly email, in a text message, or pin it up and frame it on a wall where they can see it every day.  Make it an opening tradition to read every FHE.  However it is done, put that pure testimony out there for them to be reminded constantly. 

Now of course we must constantly use the "pure testimony" of the prophets and apostles too; scriptures both modern and ancient.  But there is power in using the testimony of a grandmother or grandfather because even when the faith of the children waver even in God (in the unseen), they cannot deny the existence of a grandma or grandpa.  They had incredible faith, they believed!

-Alicia

Guardian Angels - Ponderize - Week 14

"Isn't faith believing

All power can't be seen..."

The first Sunday of this year started off in a wonderful way.  I've been thinking about guardian angels in my life. They are as real on earth as they are in heaven, though it takes faith to believe it.

I imagine that the angels we can't see view us much like someone looking through a glass window from an upper room.  We don't have any real proof they see us but we still somehow sense their benevolent watch. They hear us and observe quietly, yet most often from our vantage point, we can neither hear nor observe them in return.

Sometimes, they feel much closer to me than behind the glass of a distant window and I wonder how this is possible.  It's more like how the energy of the sun touches me: I can feel its warmth even though it's 93 million miles away.  The rays penetrate deep inside me from the top of my head clear down to my feet.  Such a presence is so close that it's undeniable!  I feel the sun though I cannot touch it.  I am comforted and content knowing that this beautiful radiant light will always be there in my sky even when it has set beyond the horizon and my eyes are dimmed by the dark of night.  Then, I will look up into the ocean of stars and see that the sun has not passed away, it has not diminished or faded.  Rather, it has multiplied beyond number in glorious splendor.

"Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them." - 2 Kings 6:16

-Alicia

To God Alone

I woke up this morning with this song in my head.  It's officially the Christmas season.  And well, this isn't exactly a song written for Christmas but I think it should be...

Because, the true magic of Christmas is found when we lose ourselves, when we forget about what we want and think instead of how we can give.  Something incredible occurs when we focus on the beauty and good all around us and recognize God's hand.  The magic and glory of Christmas is when we have our eyes opened and our hearts filled with gratitude and wonder for the miracles that are constantly occurring.  Our souls feel lighter and we hunger for so little because we see that we already have so much.  The greatest and most valuable gift to all of mankind has already been given in the most humble way.  Everything we have ever needed is found in and through our Savior and His Priesthood authority.  We don't care about popularity, praise, position, or power.... Our cup runneth over when we kneel at His feet and worship Him, the only One worthy of such things.  This is the attitude that allows peace to enter into our hearts and fill us with good will and sincere love for our fellowmen.

Why wait for the Christmas season?
I believe in Christmas all year and every day of our lives.

"And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." - Luke 2:13-14

"To God Alone"

by, Aaron Shust

Can You take me by the hand?

Can You use me as I am?

Break me into who You want me to be

When the time is finally right

Will You open up my eyes

And show me everything You want me to see?

This life is not my own

To God alone be the glory

To God alone be the praise

Everything I say and do

Let it be all for You

The glory is Yours alone

Yours alone

Take the offering I bring

You want more than what I sing

Can I give You every part of me?

Turn these pennies into gold

Take this life I call my own

Until I'm running after Your heart

I'm needing to let go

To God alone be the glory

To God alone be the praise

Everything I say and do

Let it be all for You

The glory is Yours alone

We will rise and we will fall

But You remain after all

You're glorious and beautiful

You're beautiful

To God alone be the glory

To God alone be the praise

Everything I say and do

Let it be all for You

The glory is Yours alone

The glory is Yours alone

Yours alone

Yours alone

-Alicia

I Never Imagined!

I have three wonderful nephews serving missions right now.  My nephew, Bryson, serving in Mexico shared in his recent letter this new song from David Archuleta.  It's a song about Family History sung in Spanish.  

Now I probably only know how to say two sentences in Spanish.  I understand very, very little.  But, I recognized "que hora" "a hora" "ojos mi refelction" "estoy a que" which mean - "When?"  "Now!" "in my eyes a reflection" and "who I am."  Even though these are the only words I understood, the video helps tell the story, the sound of the music is absolutely beautiful, and the power of the message is crystal clear!    

This morning as I watched this video and read my nephew's letter, tears of gratitude streamed down my face for the Temple, for the privilage of searching out my ancestors, for learning their stories, and feeling them surround me in my life.  

In Women's Conference this last Saturday, Sister Carol McConkie quoted Mark Twain when she said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”  I believe we discover our mission, our story, much more quickly as we discover our roots.  

Nunca Pensé means in English "I never thought" or "I never imagined."  I don't believe we truly comprehend the magnificent outpouring of heaven that is waiting to be called down, just waiting to tell their stories and help us discover ours.  I have faith that there are multitudes of angels on the other side watching over us!!  As our hearts turn to them, we open the door and let them in.  There are blessings that await us beyond our wildest dreams.  Those who have gone before already LOVE us and as we genuinely love them in return, we will witness miracles in our life that we could never ever imagine!

This is what it is to call down heaven!!  

"I won't give up if you don't give up... I'm calling all angels." - Cold Play

-Alicia ;)

If I Could...

"And it came to pass when Jesus had said these words, he spake unto his disciples, one by one, saying unto them: What is it that ye desire of me, after that I am gone to the Father?
 And they sorrowed in their hearts, for they durst not speak unto Him the thing which they desired.  And He said unto them, behold I know your thoughts... for ye have desired that ye might bring the souls of men unto Me, while the world shall stand."- 3 Ne. 28:1,5,6,9

What would I wish for if I were given the same opportunity?

Alma prayed, "O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!" - Alma 29:1

His companion, Amulek, desired to "stretch forth [his] hands, and exercise the power of God... when [he] saw the pains of the women and children" and he wished to "save them from the flames." - Alma 14:10 

The Lord surely must smile upon the righteous intents of each of these men's hearts. They didn't have their prayers answered the same yet they all had similar desires, to minister in miraculous ways.  They all wanted greatly to answer the cries of the people, and bring souls unto the healing, gentle Christ.

It is one of Heaven's transcendent gifts, to "bear one another's burdens" to "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort."  Mosiah 18:8-9 This is the way of the Savior.  These principles are solidified into the very core of His Divine character.  He changed the world and continues to do so... "one by one."  Master of the Universe, Creator of us all, there is nothing too hard for Him!

In and of myself, I am no good and could be of no help to anyone... but through Him, through His influence, power, and infinite grace, I believe I can change the world too... one by one.  This is my desire.  This is what I wish for more than anything else.

-Alicia

Angels Among Us

"That's just too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence"

- The Cokeville Miracle

At the end of the credits, the audience applauded and the scripture from 2 Kings projected on the screen:

"Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them." - 2 Kings 6:16

I pointed to the scripture, leaned down to my son, Micah, and said, "Hey, you remember what happened in that scripture story?"
 Micah's friend, Lex, looked over and asked, "What scripture story?"
"It's a really cool one from the Old Testament," I began.
Then Micah interrupted excitedly, "Yeah, it's about a prophet and his servant and they are surrounded by a huge army of their enemies.  The servant is scared and the prophet says a prayer that his eyes would be open.  Then the servant sees a whole ton of angels surrounding the enemy army."
"Wow, cool!" Lex exclaimed wide-eyed.
"Good job, Micah.  I'm impressed!" I said as I patted him on the back.
As we made our way home today, a spirit of gratitude and reverence filled our hearts.  My husband and I shared our personal testimonies of prayer and the reality of angels.

"In 1986 Cokeville made national headlines when a madman and his wife entered the elementary school with guns and bomb. They gathered over 100 children and teachers into a small room, and made a demand: $200 million dollars for the lives of the children - but then the bomb went off... How did a bomb that should have leveled the room take only two lives that day, the madman and his wife? Each child, each adult who made it out of that room has a story to tell. Follow the Sheriff's investigator Ron Hartley as he pieces together the evidence, including stories of prayer and divine intervention from multiple witnesses. Gather the evidence and decide for yourself. Do you see coincidence, or do you see miracles?" - IMDb

I don't know how many theaters or cities this movie has played in but I'm sure it will be available online soon.  What a treat this was to watch today. I highly recommend it!  Both my husband and I agree that it makes us want to search our family history more and get to know those who have gone before us. Malachi promises that in the last days "the hearts of the fathers [and mothers] will turn to their children and the hearts of the children will turn to their fathers [and mothers]."   I truly believe that our ancestors are invested in our lives. It makes me want to be more invested in theirs. I testify that they watch over us and are intimately involved with the details of our every day, probably more so than they ever could have been in their mortal frame.

I know this!

“I believe we move and have our being in the presence of heavenly messengers and of heavenly beings. We are not separate from them. … We are closely related to our kindred, to our ancestors … who have preceded us into the spirit world. We can not forget them; we do not cease to love them; we always hold them in our hearts, in memory, and thus we are associated and united to them by ties that we can not break. … If this is the case with us in our finite condition, surrounded by our mortal weaknesses, … how much more certain it is … to believe that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond … can see us better than we can see them; that they know us better than we know them. … We live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever. For now they see the dangers that beset us; … their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves. -.Joseph F. Smith, in Conference Report, Apr. 1916, 2–3; see alsoGospel Doctrine, 5th ed. (1939), 430–31.

"In times of special need, [God sends] angels, divine messengers, to bless His children, reassure them that heaven [is] always very close and that His help [is] always very near." - Jeffery R. Holland - (The Ministry of Angels)

"Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see." - C. S. Lewis

-Alicia :)

Child of Light

With our girls at church today, we discussed preparations for our upcoming Young Women's in Excellence night. Memories from 10 years previous came into my mind of planning for the very same thing when I was serving in another ward YW's presidency...  I couldn't help but remember this song "Child of Light." It was a song I had discovered from an album written for 2004's EFY .  We used it with our girls the following January to sing for their special program.  I'd love our young women in my ward now to sing it sometime. I think it's absolutely beautiful!  I love it because it proclaims two truths about our identity - We were made to fly and we were meant to shine!  It is woven into our spiritual DNA!  We are literal sons and daughters of God, the Father of Light.  Do we realize the power we have been endowed with? How differently would we view one another, the stranger, the outcast, the sinner and the saint... if we could always see ourselves and everyone around us through this lens of truth?

"Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day" 

- 1 Thessalonians 5:5

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." 

- Isaiah 40:31

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

I'm a believer!!
-Alicia

Child of Light

by, Mindy Gledhill

Do you ever wonder who you are

do your ever wonder as you stare into the stars

Where you began

And how you got this far

from home?

Have you ever walked along the shore

Have you ever seen the water dancing back and forth

Did you look inside

To see if there was more to life

There's a dream taking wing

There's a voice that wants to sing

Even in the deepest darkest night

The Torch is raised to the sky

There are hands that hold it high

You were born to keep it burning bright

You were made to fly you were meant to shine

Child of light

You will never ever stand alone

You were never called to bare your burdens on your own

Where there's fear

Love will take control

And lead you on

There's a dream taking wing

There's a voice that wants to sing

Even in the deepest darkest night

The Torch is raised to the sky

There are hands that hold it high

You were born to keep it burning bright

You were made to fly you were meant to shine

Child of light