What if you were called to serve in an area where you felt like nothing you did made a difference, where the people rejected you, were mean to you, even when you tried to help them, nothing but hundreds of doors slammed in your face? Of course you would have moments where you wanted to go home.
I tried to use this analogy with Kaylee tonight as I laid in bed with her, scratching her back. She was relaxed with my body next to hers but her thoughts were still reflective. Today wasn't easy. Our foster daughter has a little problem with punching, scratching, and kicking others (all behaviors which are strictly forbidden in our family). We're working on things, it will just take some training but Kaylee had a few wounds that were proof of the struggle today with her new "younger sibling."
She sighed and whispered, "Mom, I don't want to be a foster family anymore. I just want our family."
I squeezed her tightly and kissed her head, "Honey, I know how you feel and it's okay to have those feelings. You are doing a wonderful job though! You've been so patient, and you're setting such a good example. Our foster kids will learn, we need to give them time."
I reminded her of her cousins who completed their full-time missions this year,
"Kaylee, what if Dane or Bryson decided that the place they were called to was just too hard? I'm sure there were many times they felt that way. What if when things were rough, they quit and said, 'That's it! I'm going home!' Things weren't always easy but they stayed and finished their missions right up to the end."
She didn't respond to my question but her expression showed that she understood. "Sweetheart," I continued, "We've been called on a mission just like your cousins. Heavenly Father has asked us to serve in this place and with these specific children. We can't quit. We've got to stay here doing this work as long as God needs us to. Not all the moments are bad. We've had lots of good moments with these kids too."
My words seemed to click with her and her expression was more hopeful.
There really is no turning back. We've got to keep moving forward!!
I pray these experiences will become quite beneficial for my children as they face any uncomfortable calling or difficult task in the future: college, a full-time mission, marriage, or raising their own children. I pray these experiences will teach them to learn the virtue of perseverance forged through faith. If it is a mission that God has called us to (and I know it is), then we can keep moving forward in total confidence and trust. Everything is going to work out and we'll be better for it.
-Alicia
3 comments:
Alicia
What a wise and wonderful woman, mother, sister and friend you are. I hope that when you ask God to "show you, what he sees in you and your family", I hope that the Family Proclamation rises in your consciousness. You are so right, the family is ordained, set apart and anointed to serve, even in foster families, what an opportunity to literally "take the gospel to the ends of the earth". The gospel is so much more, when it is manifested in the family. You have inspired me so much, let me tell you how. As long as I have been reading your blog, and even when you were silent, I always prayed for you Alicia. I am inspired by your faithfulness and tenacity. Winston Churchill said: If you are going through Hell, keep going. I say that you did and came out on the other side of Heaven.
Thank you for helping me with prayers, and thoughtfulness. I know that sorrow is only for a season. I am preparing to enroll in a Bachelor of Humanities program at the University of Maryland. I am gathering all of my transcripts and putting together a package. Call me Brave. The Lord has blessed me so abundantly, more than I could ever ask for. He has sealed upon me revelation upon revelation for happiness in the now, and also in his presence. I am looking forward to a new family, a better life and more opportunities to serve.
Hang in there, I love you
Ramona
Ramona, you always seem to say the right things! Thank you for your encouragement, my sweet friend. It brought tears to my eyes when I read the news about you enrolling at the University of Maryland, I'm overjoyed. Good for you, I'm so incredibly proud!!! What a year 2016 has been for you: so many changes, the loss of your husband and now beginning a new life going back to school. You are going to do wonderful on your journey. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you too!
-Alicia :)
P.S. I LOVE what you said about "revelation for happiness IN THE NOW". I really think that is one of the key virtues to learn in this life, you hit the nail on the head. Beautifully said.
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