Welcome To My House

We did respite foster care again this past weekend for the span of four days.  This is the only foster care we can really do until we get settled in our home and receive our own placements.  It's been a great opportunity to experience different ages and personalities.  This last weekend was the very first I've had to supervise a bio-parent visit.  It was just over the phone so I didn't have to take our "bonus kid" anywhere to meet up.  He has regular phone calls with them every other night, so we got to supervise twice.  It was very touching because every visit concludes with him singing along with his mom and dad two songs, Down in the Valley and You Are My Sunshine.
I cleaned the kitchen as I listened in:

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray.  You'll never know dear how much I love you.  Please don't take my [sunshine] away!

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms.  When I awakened I was mistaken and I hung my head and cried.  You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.  You make me happy when skies are gray.  You'll never know dear how much I love you.  Please don't take my [sunshine] away!"

Instead of singing please don't take my "sunshine" the father replaced it with the name of his son.  In that context, I could see that even though his parents still struggle with drug addiction, they love their son and they are deeply afraid of losing him.  "Please don't take him away" was their plea.  My heart broke for them and I had to hide my face from the boy so he couldn't see the tears welling up in my eyes. Wow, what a bitter-sweet scene to witness!

We can't really ask many questions about these kids and their backgrounds.  Most of them are uncomfortable talking about it anyway but in our foster training we are also discouraged from digging or prying because we aren't certified therapists. I must be careful with social media too. I cannot post pictures of these children or write their names anywhere in order to keep their location protected.

This boy we watched was very sweet.  You could tell his speech was underdeveloped, possibly from neglect during his most impressionable years.  He was only removed just a few months ago, so everything is still very fresh with him.

He loves skateboarding, dancing, and singing.  One evening, he kept requesting Kidz Bop "Welcome To My House" and would bust out in some awesome break-dance moves. It was adorable!!  I couldn't help but wonder if his interest in music and dancing was therapeutic for him.

He attended my daughter's baptism on Saturday and also joined our family for Sunday services.  I was so proud of him because both times, he behaved like a little gentleman.  Part way through the meeting, he leaned over and asked if I would scratch his back.  I was surprised by his request because in training we learned that most kids his age will avoid affection as a result of attachment issues... nevertheless, he cuddled-up to me like a contented little kitten.

Sunday evening, he shared with me some pictures he painted on his tablet.  We talked about his favorite colors as he swiped quickly through the various images in his folder.  Then he paused at this image of a flower with five pedals and a drifting bud near its side.  Pointing at the small blossom he said, "That's me, removed from my family." I appreciated his expression through his art.
"So let me guess, the big flower is your mom, dad, and three older siblings?"
"Yes" he replied.
The background to the flowers were painted black so no-one could see that the flowers were attached.
I asked him to switch the background to white.  When he did, the stem and how the blossom came together became visible.
"Is this how you want it to be?"  I asked.

"Yes" he responded shyly.
I didn't know what to say.  I didn't want to give him false hope but I said I would pray that one day he could be with his family again.  I assured him that it wasn't his fault that he was separated and praised him for being such a good kid.

The biological bond is not easily broken for a reason.  It seems to be a need innate within every human soul.  My experiences have caused me great reflection on the importance of The Family Proclamation.

To aim for a society that upholds the traditional family, that seeks to strengthen marriage between a man and a woman, that seeks earnestly to provide environments where children can be brought up by their own mother and their own father committed to each other is essential to the mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of individuals which ripples out into the well-being of society as a whole.  I realize it isn't always possible but it should always be sought for.  Biology is not bigotry.

As these foster children come into my home, I will do all I can to make them feel loved and welcomed.  I want to help them in every possible way... but I won't be able to give them what they  ALL desire more than anything else; a strong stable family with their biological mother and their biological father.

-Alicia