Champion Each Other

Not long ago, I overheard a woman just tear into her husband, ripping him with criticism up one side and down the other.  Her nagging and griping seemed endless as she picked and prodded at every possible flaw.  My heart sank as I noticed the look of dejection in her husband's face.  He seemed heavy with sorrow as he hung his head shamefully and spoke not a word in his defense.  I've seen this same scenario played out in the opposite direction as well where the husband jabs at his wife with stabbing insults or cutting and belittling remarks.  How sad! How terribly, terribly sad!  

Now, I won't pretend that my marriage is perfect but I must say that I feel so incredibly fortunate that the communication we have as husband and wife has never been at such a base and ugly level.  In my opinion, this form of talk is abusive.  

Several years ago, my husband and I wrote up a family mission statement together.  We recite it every Monday with our children.  Part of this statement says,

"We are a family of sincere listeners who champion each other.  We strive to build an environment in our home and in our hearts where the Spirit of God may dwell.  We choose to find the good in others and in ourselves, remembering always 'the worth of souls is great in the sight of God'" (D&C 18:10)

In addition to this, whenever I or he has an opportunity to pray in family prayer or in our companion prayers, we always make it a point to openly express gratitude for the other, thanking our Father in Heaven for all they do and asking that the Lord will bless them in all they are in need of.

I've been studying and reviewing General Conference this morning and the talk by Linda K. Burton caused me to reflect on the depressing scene I witnessed not long ago.  Not only should we avoid such corrosive and biting words but we should seek a higher ground. We must constantly to seek to say things and act on opportunities that build and lift our spouse. We must practice this until it becomes second nature. 

 In her talk "We'll Ascend Together" Sister Burton asks the following questions:

"Sisters and brothers, how often do we intentionally “speak kind words to each other”?

We might test ourselves by asking a few questions. With a little adaptation, these questions can apply to most of us, whether we are married or single, whatever our home situation might be.

1. When was the last time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our children?

2. When was the last time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or her in prayer?

3. When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?

4. When was the last time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness—without adding the words “but if only you had” or “but if only you hadn’t”?

5. When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be “right”?"

I give my witness that great and marvelous things result in our homes when we strive to build and lift each other, when we strive to focus on the good.  There is no such thing as a kind word wasted.  We will never regret being too forgiving, too loving, too appreciative, or too gentle but we will always regret the absence of such virtues.

-Alicia