I've felt compelled to study the emotion of fear a little more lately mostly to observe the needs of each member of my family: my children, my foster children, my husband, and myself. Fear is a powerful emotion and can be extremely intimidating. But instead of running from it, we should seek to understand the cause of it in our lives.
I've noticed that Joseph has been studying fear too--searching talks and scriptures on the subject. We've had some great discussions together that I've really enjoyed. Last Thursday, we had a 3-way phone conversation from one of the supervisors at DCFS. He described some observations he has made with the foster children and how fear has been playing into their lives.
There's something interesting about fear... because when we don't face our fears or admit them, it usually leads to another, more frightening, emotion. I found these lines the other day that describe what I'm trying to say:
"A well-defended heart is always looking for a fight"
-Jason Gray
These discussions and these studies have been very helpful in opening our understanding to two little guests we have in our home. A couple of nights ago, we gained even more insight as we listened to an incredible story.
Joseph and I had our date night on Sunday this last week and had the privilege of attending a fireside where Sergeant Justin Garn spoke. Sergeant Garn described some of his experiences in combat. He said that fear and sadness are primary emotions and that anger is secondary. Even in a split second, when someone flies off the handle, it is almost always because they've ignored their primary emotion. Anger is always a choice and that it is usually used as a tool to hide fear or grief.
He described some dark times in his life during combat where he almost let anger take over his soul because he didn't want to face his fears or sorrows. It was a rude awakening to recognize the anger that almost swallowed him whole. He realized that it came from suppressing his fear and by not allowing himself to mourn.
"We all grieve in different ways," he said--we all mourn over different losses and changes in our lives--but we all grieve and we all mourn. And we need to allow ourselves to feel and express fear and sorrow, these primary emotions, to be real with ourselves and others. If we don't, then we often turn to anger--the biggest destroyer of peace.
He began to study his scriptures and pray everyday. He changed the music he listened to and prepared himself each morning by listening to hymns, songs that reminded him of the worth of every human soul. He felt a miraculous change come over his heart as he began to feel love even for those who would usually be called his enemy.
As Joseph and I listened to this incredible soldier speak, we heard a modern-day Moroni, one who did not desire to be a man of blood, one who delighted in the freedom of all people, one who truly loved God, his country, and his family. He had a magnificent spirit of humility and love about him.
During the fireside, our experiences as foster parents played in my mind. I thought of the extreme fits of rage our little foster daughter has on a regular basis. I thought of the difficult outbursts of anger our foster son displays too... And I saw them both a little differently. I could see more clearly what the social worker was describing last Thursday. These are two very frightened and sad children. It's helpful for us to understand this because it works more compassion and empathy into our hearts. They have not learned to come face to face with their primary emotions, instead they suppress them and have learned to go straight to anger. They don't know how to face their fears. They don't know how to grieve.
I'm so grateful for this fireside, for the phone-visit we had with the social worker, for the talks Joseph and I have been reading, for the scriptures that have inspired us... these are all in direct line with each other, witnessing to us that God hears our prayers and is teaching us what we need to know along the way.
I read this quote this morning during my personal study and quickly copied it down because I KNOW it's true!! This is my testimony:
"I tell you this: God cares about you. He will listen, and He will answer your personal questions. The answers to your prayers will come in His own way and in His own time, and therefore, you need to learn to listen to His voice. God wants you to find your way back to Him, and the Savior is the way.God wants you to learn of His Son, Jesus Christ, and experience the profound peace and joy that come from following the path of divine discipleship." - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
-Alicia
