Healing From Trauma

We started our 34 hours of in-class training for foster care yesterday.  The instructor shared this video to illustrate how we all become hard-wired in different things.  She showed this to exemplify that what is easy to understand for ourselves is not necessarily easy for others to get.

Have you ever interacted with someone who has driven you absolutely crazy?  Did you walk away asking yourself questions like these?

Why do they communicate that way?
Why do they do it like that?
Why would they ever think that behavior is appropriate?
Why can't they understand?

To us, certain habits, social cues, religious practices, etc. may be as simple as "riding a bike"... but... to someone else who has experienced a different life growing up, especially one who has experienced something traumatic, it's a whole other ball game.

This video about the backwards bike was profound for me.  My mind was totally blown (you could see it on my face as I watched it for the first time).  It was a huge aha moment for me as the instructor related it to trying to understand our different worlds... especially the world of a trauma victim. Also, what it might be like for these children to understand my "simple solutions."

That's what all foster children have in common: Trauma.  She said trauma actually lives in their body even when it seems as if they are calm or conversing normal, their body has become accustomed to living at a heightened stress level and they could snap at any given moment.

She also showed this scene from "How to Train Your Dragon" (befriending a foe) to illustrate Dr. Bruce Perry's four P's for working with a child who has experienced trauma:

1. Be Present
2. Be Parallel
3. Be Predictable
4. Patient

This was my other aha moment.  I realized (knowing my own personality) that if I had been in Hiccup's situation with this dragon, I would have tried to be instant friends, jump right on the back of the beast, and fly happily away.
But it's not that simple.

It takes being present (let them know you're there but don't push your way in),
Being parallel (stepping into their world or trying to ride their "backwards bike"),
Being predictable (live consistently what you preach),
And be patient (let them come to you, on their own time, in their own way).

My husband and I are excited to learn these principles.  Doing foster care in order to adopt will be one of the best ways to teach us these four P's first hand.  We want to help the children placed with us to heal. to bring hope into their lives. We know it will be extremely difficult.  We will fall down.  We will get hurt.  We will have to make some serious adjustments and it may take us several months, maybe even years to feel like we've found our balance, but we can learn to ride a bike... even if it's backwards.

-Alicia

(Part 1 of 2 - Audio Book )
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

(Part 2 of 2 - Audio Book )
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma