Suicide Awareness and Prevention Week

 

A couple Sundays ago we had combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting where we discussed depression and suicide and this week happens to be suicide awareness week. This topic always hits very close to home for me. I've lost two cousins to suicide and my best-friend's son. My dad attempted it three times when I was in high school. My sister and brother have both attempted it a couple times.  My husband talks about wanting to die all the time but says he'd never take his own life, he just says that he'd be so glad if it were cut short by accident somehow. 

Last night my husband came home from a walk. I don't know how to describe his mood the past several months. He has been in a downward spiral and just seems vacant, like a walking shell. He sleeps all the time and only leaves the house to go for a walk on occasion. Ever since Covid he's been working from home so he hasn't felt much reason to go anywhere. He goes to church but doesn't want to be there, doesn't want to pray in church or hold a calling. He has no desire for social events, so I often go to parties with neighbors by myself or with one of my kids. I'm not going to lie, it gets lonely. 

Last Sunday, he didn't even want to go to his own family dinner. He has a huge close-knit family. They are amazing. He's always been close with his parents and many siblings so I know he must feel bad emotionally to not want to be with them. Thankfully, through lots of love and encouragement I was able to convince him to attend. A couple nights ago was another success: he agreed to visit the parkway next to his work with me. I brought my longboard and he ran along-side. The more he tries to isolate the more I know he needs to get out... but I have to encourage gently and very carefully though or he'll get angry.

All my life, I've had so many loved ones struggle with serious clinical depression. Some have attempted to take their life and some have actually done so. It hurts because you're haunted by wondering what you could've ever done to make things better. It can be so exhausting to help those who suffer with depression when you yourself don't live in that world, I know. It can be extremely draining... but hang in there. I have experienced the sustaining support of the Savior, peace in the middle of the storm, light in the dark. I testify that He is there!! He will walk with you through the trial! Know the warning signs for your loved one who suffers with depression. You can't fix them but you can keep praying for them, keep seeking for small ways to bring love and light into their life, every little bit counts. Seek professional help if needed, don't be ashamed of your situation. We are all broken in our own way. Do the best you can, stay close to the Lord, and trust in good things to come.  I guess that's all I can say.