Nobody Should Be More Important

My parents never seemed like they were in love. I never saw them hold hands, never hold each other in their arms, or kiss a long kiss. They had separate bank accounts, separate bathrooms, and separate bedrooms. I asked about their separate beds once. My mom said my dad snored too much and my dad said my mom moved too much. But both of their parents had separate bedrooms too so maybe they just didn't think it was all that strange for them.

My parents seemed to more-or-less tolerate each other through the years. My dad was often very critical of my mom, even though she is the reason we were able to keep food on our table or pay the mortgage. My dad struggled with depression and along with that he struggled to hold down a job or his temper.

Fast forward a few months now after my mom's passing and it's interesting and very sad to see how lost my dad seems. I see him at least once a week either here visiting at my house or me at his. I often find him in a daze or a blank stare like he's been hit by a train. My mom's death came out of nowhere. It took everyone in our family by surprise. I think the saddest part is how much regret I think is eating at him. He wishes he would have appreciated her more, treated her better, spoke softer, and on and on. He hasn't told me that straight out but I can see it in his eyes. My heart aches for him. Regret is a terrible shadow with a relentless grip, gnawing away all the hope in one's heart.

I know it's more than regret eating at him though. I know he sincerely misses her too. She was his companion for forty-five years. She stood by his side through thick and thin. After all their children were grown and gone, they enjoyed several vacations, plays, musical performances, and temple work together. Things may have been rough through much of their marriage but to their credit... they stuck it out, they stayed together, and in the end they grew closer than before. I am proud of that!!

I can't help but think of my own marriage  and wonder how it will be for Joseph or me when we lose each other. I consider our relationship FAR more healthy than my parents. We hold hands or hold each other all the time in front of our children, we will kiss as long as we can (until the kids start telling us to stop). ;) We're always looking for a romantic get-away and love to reminisce all the crazy romantic places we've been. We're more than lovers though, we're best friends - we love just being around each other, talking, hanging out, going for a walk, just being together. We're proud of our little family and life we've made together. We work out the problems that come into our lives pretty quickly - from the tiniest to the biggest struggles - the Lord has blessed us all along the way and made us stronger through every harship.

Witnessing the huge gaping hole my mom's passing has left in my dad's heart (even though in life, they never seemed to have the best marriage) has caused me to wonder how much harder it will be for Joseph or myself when one of us dies because we have a really good marriage.  So, we hang on to each other every chance we get. We resolve issues quickly and nurture our relationship. We pray together, play together, make time for each other. We both believe that there is no one in this life who should be more important or who should take greater priority than one's own spouse.

Every morning before we wake up and every night before we fall asleep, we make sure to take at least five minutes just holding each other close, just hanging on to each other and showing each other how much we appreciate our companionship. I take time to visit Joseph at work during the week. And about once or twice a month, we'll email each other a flirty little message. These small gestures of reinforcement have done wonders for our relationship. When the time comes for one of us to leave this life, we don't want to have any regrets. We only want to have a sense of fulfillment, of accomplishment, that we created and forged an eternal and everlasting bond of friendship, loyalty, and love that reaches beyond the grave and into eternity.

-Alicia

The Most Forgotten Virtue

Humility is a virtue worth more than all the GOLD, rare and difficult to obtain, but oh so valuable, oh so essential, and so very, very needed!

We are in Alma 5 of our family scripture study. I think it's so cool how the word of God through Alma had the power to humble the people. Alma’s faith and testimony encouraged the people to experience a mighty change of heart and brought their focus back to the Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Divine mission. 

A nice follow up to our scripture study was a quick listen to some general conference talks from 2001. Among them, I found this little gem from Marlin K. Jensen entitled, To Walk Humbly with Thy God. 

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"Those seeking to become humble will be a small and overlooked but critically important minority.

Consciously trying to acquire humility is also problematic. I remember once hearing one of my colleagues in the Seventy say about humility that 'if you think you have it, you don’t.' He suggested we should try to develop humility and be sure we didn’t know when we got it, and then we would have it. But if we ever thought we had it, we wouldn’t...

...Some may wonder if those seeking to become humble must forever defer to the strongly held opinions and positions of others. Certainly the Savior’s life evidences that true humility is anything but subservience, weakness, or servility.

Another helpful perspective on humility can be obtained by examining its antithesis—pride. Just as humility leads to other virtues such as modesty, teachableness, and unpretentiousness, pride leads to many other vices. In Latter-day Saint theology, it was through pride that Satan became the adversary of all truth. It was the growth of this arrogance, termed hubris, that the wise men of ancient Greece portrayed as the sure road to destruction...

...I resonate to the English author John Ruskin’s memorable statement that 'the first test of a truly great man is his humility.' He continued: 'I do not mean, by humility, doubt of his own power. … [But really] great men … have a curious … feeling that … greatness is not in them, but through them. … And they see something Divine … in every other man …, and are endlessly, foolishly, incredibly merciful.'" - Elder Marlin K. Jensen

June 2018

June 1st, 2018 - We honored the 40th anniversary on the 1978 revelation for all worthy males to receive the priesthood. Our awesome friends, Regee and Loraine, from Zimbabwe, invited us to watch them perform in the celebration. It was so cool! Listening to the stories of these faithful pioneers brought tears to my eyes. The spirit was palpable. What a blessing in history! I couldn't help but think of the parable Christ gives in Matthew 20 about the laborers in His vineyard - the one's who came at the last hour were no less valuable and were given the same exact blessings as the laborers who came in the first hour. 

Adoption Day June 4th - and Temple Sealing to our little Amillia on June 5th
What an amazing experience this has been to adopt a child! It has been challenging and beautiful, overwhelming and wonderful, all at the same time. This little girl is my shadow. She doesn't like to be any more than two feet away from me. (I'm sure she's still trying to feel safe.)

Given the fears and anxieties she has to battle with being removed from her biological family, she gets along with everyone in our home. She has some of the common issues that children bring with trauma but I'm grateful she can self-regulate far better than any other foster child we ever had.

 She's almost four years old and knows very well how to walk and run and do all those things but these two days, she would not let me set her down for even one second. She wanted to be held constantly. It's pretty much like that every day around here though so I've started telling her that I can hold her for five seconds each time she asks... just to give her the reassurance and then I set her down again.

She is a sweet and loving little girl. Last week, I climbed in the back of the van to sit next to her and help her eat some spaghetti as we were on the run that evening up to visit family. "Mommy, what are you doing back here?" She asked with excitement. "Well, you didn't get any dinner and spaghetti is hard to eat in a car so I'm coming back here to sit next to you and help you." She nestled her head into my shoulder like a purring kitten and kissed my arm. "Oh, I love you mommy." I helped her with her spaghetti and then decided to just stay sitting in the very back with her for the rest of the 40-min drive. She wouldn't let go of my arm, pulling me as close as she could to her, kissing my shoulder every few seconds." She is very sweet. She gets very jealous of any attention I give to my other kids though. She's not afraid to show that jelousy.... and that presents some big challenges.

Overall, she's really a joy to have. We're grateful for her. We love you Millie! 

Dinner with friends and family to celebrate our sealing day.

Cousin Day- We gathered at the Salt Lake Cemetery for a scavenger hunt to find as many of the Prophet's graves as we could. I like this one because Miriam's middle name is McKay, named after David O. McKay, the one who was prophet when my mom joined the church.

A picture with a few of the cousins and aunts outside the house that used to belong to Joseph's great grandfather, Senator Joseph Lafayette Rawlins.

Yard Sales and Lemonade

Playing at Parks

I went to Oregon for our annual Sister's Retreat with  Joseph's mom and six of his seven sisters. Our first day was Multnomah Falls trail, then the Oregon temple together, then the rose and Japanese gardens, dinner at a local popular seafood restaurant next to the coast, and an evening walk to Haystack Rock on Cannon Beach.

The other days we enjoyed a hike to Short Sand's Beach at Smuggler's Cove, Tillomook's cheese factory (ice cream and cheese tasting - yum!!), more hiking, painting pictures together, watching a chick flick, our sharing night and gift giving, flying little balsa planes from the Astoria Column, and more.

 My ultimate favorite part was walking barefoot alone on the beach early in the morning, stepping over moon jellies, and collecting sand dollars. Every sand dollar I found made me think of my mom. She absolutely loved sand dollars and loved to tell us their legend. Somehow I felt her spirit so close to me in those quite morning walks along the beach.

One of the evenings the sisters chose to either watch a movie or paint. I chose to paint. 

I had lots of fun with this. 

Portland Oregon Temple

(Front row: Ann Thomas, Lee Richmond, Judi Bell, Alicia Rawlins, Ellen Sanchez)

(Back row: Merrit Whitaker, Megan Jarrett)

**Two sisters who couldn't make it on the trip were: Erin Demille and Jenn Rawlins

I am richly blessed!!

May 2018

We kicked off the month celebrating Micah and Brendon's birthday. 

My, my...that's some impressive facial hair they grew! 

Even the cupcakes had mustaches.... A true celebration of manhood.

Millie Mustache :)

Spring Recital at Best In Music, in Orem

I absolutely love every recital! I love seeing my kids learning to play an instrument.  Miriam is advancing quickly in the violin and Kaylee's piano teacher says she has a gift. Sometimes, Micah practices his fiddle outside in our front yard and it's fun to see people stop and listen. I can't describe the joy it brings to my heart watching them grow in these talents. 

All Class Reunion at Provo High before they tear it down.

(Chandler, Miriam, Aunt Katherine, and Grandpa Rawlins)

Grandpa and Aunt Katherine went to this high school the first year it was built. 

Chandler and Miriam got to attend it until this Provo High's very last year standing.

Same steps in the photo below as the photo above. 

(Grandpa Rawlins is the one in the bottom left corner, dressed in black. 

Good looking guy!)

I home-school each of my kids up until the 9th grade. Then when they reach high school, I dual enroll them in online courses at home on the even days and they are on high school campus the odd days. They love it!

 Miriam and Chandler gave us a tour of some of their classes. 

See, you can tell by the look on Chandler's face.... he loves it. :)

Honestly, he really did love it... but when is it ever cool for a teenager to show they like school?

We got a little pool for the kids this Summer. It may be small but when the days are scorching hot, they don't really care. Anything to cool off makes them happy.

Memorial Day at Mom's grave with Grandpa Manwill

Miriam has always been our climber. I'm so glad we captured these pictures. 

So fitting of her fun, adventurous personality! 

She broke her arm about 3 years ago in a climbing accident. It took her a while to get comfortable with what she loved again but she made it back to her great love!

Almost every Wednesday our kids take turns visiting dad at his work for some one-on-one time with him. It was Micah's turn this day and so the rest of us walked along the parkway and waded in the river while Micah and dad had their time together. I like this picture of Miriam.

Every other month I cut hair for all our family. 

I think this is the only picture we have of me doing that since Chandler was a baby. 

It doesn't feel like that much time has passed though.