Trust Fall

Several months ago, a woman in one of our adoption training classes showed us this meme, explaining how she felt going into adoption. The people in the boat represented herself, her husband, and her two biological children…. And the whale was the adoption, the inevitable change of circumstances, the increase of challenges, and burdens that seemed too heavy to bear that come with bringing a child into your home who is not your own, especially a child who has been traumatized by a difficult past and removed from the ones they love.

I should be very excited about tomorrow and I assure you, I am…  but there’s a big part of me that’s scared too.

I honestly don’t feel cut out to be the kind of woman, the kind of mother, I need to be in order to provide for this little girl.

Amillia needs someone far more patient and compassionate than I naturally am. Don’t get me wrong, Millie is a very sweet and loving little girl but she’s more comfortable with us since she first came to our home and has let her guard down numerous times in the past several months to test the waters. Regretfully, I didn’t handle all those tests very well and there’s been some strain that has caused a ripple effect of more rough waters. She has lots of needs that are difficult to explain to those who have never fostered or adopted.

Thankfully tonight (the timing couldn't have been more perfect) I had a wonderful visit with my dear friend, Margene Snow. She invited me over to her house for an hour or so because she knew I wasn't doing very well today. Margene listened to all my anxieties and fears intently and compassionately. Gently and lovingly, she related to me some of the exact same feelings, difficulties, and hardships she experienced adopting and raising two of her six children. Despite all the struggles though, she said she would definitely do it all again in a heartbeat. She loves her two adopted girls very much and is so proud of her decision to have them sealed together with their family.

Margene and I spent over an hour tonight sharing stories, testimony, tears, and hugs.  I appreciate her friendship, her timing, and council so much! What a blessing! Bring on the trust fall!