Halloween Greeting From Micah

Check out this stop-animation Halloween greeting Micah made entirely on PowerPoint.
It took him about 18 hours and 491 slides!!
He illustrated and designed every object and image on the screen by grouping together small geometrical shapes. It's absolutely amazing!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZopF2EzEwxU&feature=youtu.be

Random Memories

Each night before bed, when we gather for family prayer, we go around the room each taking a turn saying one or two things they were grateful for in that day.  It fits with our family mission statement to "recognize and cherish the tender mercies of the Lord through daily expressions of gratitude".

Sometimes these expressions of gratitude stir up a fun memory or spark an off-topic discussion (sometimes serious and sometimes humorous) but our time together before family prayer usually ends up lasting to around 45 minutes when it's really only supposed to take 10 minutes. Joseph and I love the extra time we get to spend just chatting as a family.

Last night was one of those nights where we each shared something we were grateful for that day.... with some random memories thrown in.

Chandler mentioned something one of his friend's did that made him laugh... somehow through the numerous responses of the other kids, I had this image flash in my mind of a hilarious face Chandler used to pull when he was six or seven.

When he was little, Chandler used to be obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. He loved watching that creepy-face train show all the time. He always built train tracks that stretched across the kitchen floor, down the hall, and sprawled throughout his entire bedroom floor. As his young mind observed the various characters of Thomas the Tank Engine, his amazing photographic memory would scan every expression the trains made and he could mimic them perfectly!!

The best expression was James, the red engine's, angry face.

I remember the first time I recognized Chandler mimicking angry James. I had asked him to clean up something or finish something he stubbornly did not want to do. After a few threats of losing privileges and not backing down from my request, Chandler conceded... but not without giving me the angry James glare -  just as the little red train did. I was impressed!

He used that face on me so many times, perfect exact imitation (the brow, the frown, the wrinkled nose, even his dark brown eyes rolled from side to side - puppet like). But of course, I could never show that I was impressed with such an exact impersonation, I had to stand firm and solemn in my orders when he pushed back or he would jump right through that loop-hole - but inside, I was dying laughing. It was absolutely hilarious!

Last night, the other kids wanted to see the face I was talking about. I showed them a picture and we all had a good laugh - even Chandler did too.


Wait for it....



Angry James face...

Korihor's Tactics

We've been reading in Alma 30 as a family and these are some of the notes we've taken. We just quickly type our own thoughts and whatever the kids say after everyone has read. These aren't scholarly commentaries by any stretch of the imagination but I'm so glad for this pattern of scripture study we have been doing for quite some time now.  It teaches the kids to think about and record the things they are learning from the scriptures.

As for this particular chapter in the Book of Mormon,  I can't think of a better place in the scriptures that describes so well the philosophies of those who fight against Christianity today:


10-22-2018  Alma  30:1-17

Chandler: Verse 6. I think the only reason this guy was effective is because he was able to teach from inside the city. If he’s just outside the city and yelling he could just be considered annoying. But because he was inside he had a more ready audience.

Miriam: I like that they didn’t have a law against anyone’s beliefs. I can see how that could be a problem when someone comes in and tries to tear down another’s beliefs.

Micah: I like when it says that they didn't’ have any laws against someone’s belief.
Dad: How is that compared to today?

Kaylee: Is the rest of this just that anti-Christ talking? Why do they call him the anti-Christ?
Dad: Yes. It is Korihor.

Mom: The tactics and teachings of the anti-Christ really haven’t changed much. Especially as Korihor is saying that he knows nothing can be known. So sure than no one can be sure about anything. Their view of prophets is always one where they accuse them of trying to control the people, when in fact, control over others is actually the anti-Christ motive.

Dad: Each of us should ask ourselves each and every day: Who will I serve this day? There are lots of false gods we can worship, including ourselves, our fleshy appetites, our anger and hatred, our riches, etc. There is only one true God that we can worship that has the power to save His creations, our Eternal Father. Who will we serve this day? It is given to us to choose.


10-23-2018  Alma  30:18-29

Chandler: I liked verse 25. He basically throws it in Korihor’s face. He was trying to pin it on the people that they were guilty because of their ancestors. Alma corrects them that no child is guilty because of their parents.

Miriam: Verse 29. I like how after Korihor went on and on about what he was teaching, the chief judge of the land didn’t even respond. He didn’t even make a snide remark or anything.

Micah: I guess I kind of also like how they didn’t say anything in response to Korihor.

Kaylee: ….

Mom: It’s so important that we live by the Spirit as the people of Ammon did. When the Anti-Christ came, they recognized his tactics right away and would not listen to him. This is a really good example of what President Oaks warned about in this last conference, “ We should not consider secular prominence or authority as qualified sources of truth. We should be cautious about relying on information or advice offered by entertainment stars, prominent athletes, or anonymous internet sources. Expertise in one field should not be taken as expertise on truth in other subjects.

We should also be cautious about the motivation of the one who provides information. That is why the scriptures warn us against priestcraft (see 2 Nephi 26:29). If the source is anonymous or unknown, the information may also be suspect.

Our personal decisions should be based on information from sources that are qualified on the subject and free from selfish motivations.”

Dad: I think his arguments here are so very flawed like many of the arguments that we hear in today’s world as they relate to God and religion and moral principles. Korihor claims that there is no God in verse 28. But when he’s cornered by Alma, he changes his tone and says that he doesn’t deny that there is a God, he just doesn’t believe it (48). That is a fair bit different than what he had said previously. He then starts making claims and accusations about what someone else knows, namely Alma. He tells Alma that he doesn’t actually know there is a God. Really?! You know better than I do what I know? And then, he resorts to the very thing that those who oppose God’s work always resort to - show me a sign. Prove it, in other words. As we read about the anti-Christs in the Book of Mormon, you can learn a lot about the philosophies that would lead these people to destruction and that will have the same effect on us in our day. I like the response of the high priest in Gideon. They don’t say anything. And sometimes silence is the appropriate response. Seek the Spirit and the Spirit will tell you what you need to say at the right time. That is a promise of the Lord.


10-24-2018  Alma  30:30-45

Chandler: Verse 45 is interesting. Korihor is your perfect leftist. He’s too lazy to do any research whatsoever and he know he’s been beaten in a debate, so he resorts to “show me a sign.”

Miriam: Korihor is just railing Alma accusing them of glutting themselves on the works of the people. Alma responds that he hasn’t even received a little bit of money. Alma’s not doing anything for riches or popularity. He’s doing it because he genuinely cares about the people.

Micah: I thought it was really weird that Korihor wanted more signs even when he had had so many signs already.

Kaylee: It was like he was ignoring everything he was saying and when he told him he would only believe him if he had a sign. Alma told him that the Lord had already given Korhior a sign.
        Mom: What were those signs? Look at the last half of 44.
        Kaylee: Prophets, scriptures, the earth, the planets moving


Mom: Korihor’s object was to convince the people that there was no God so that he and his followers could lift up their heads in wickedness, so as to remove all accountability and promote moral relativism. If he could convince the people that the prophets  had selfish motives by teaching moral laws, he could exalt himself in the process - thus flipping everything on its head - that which is good, morality and belief in God, (the people will begin to view as bad) and that which is truly evil (the people will begin to view as good).

Dad: Verse 42 exposes the reality of where Korihor is coming from. We learn later that he actually knew what he was telling the people was contrary to the commandments of God, but because they were pleasing to the carnal mind, he was willing to teach them. But he knew all along that he was lying. He had made a choice. He chose to put of the Spirit of God in favor of the lying spirit that had possessed him. We come up against these kinds of choices each day, for the most part. To which spirit will we give heed? King Benjamin taught that we should put off the natural man and yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit. If Korihor had been willing to do this, he might actually have been able to do a great deal of good among the people.


10-25-2018  Alma  30:46-55

Chandler: Verse 55. Korihor begs Alma to let the curse off of him. Alma says he has reason to believe that he will begin deceiving the people again so he says it will be God’s call. Basically, he just tells him he’s asking the wrong person. Ask God because He knows your heart better than I do.

Miriam: In verse 46 Alma said he’s sad that Korihor is bringing his destruction upon himself, but he says it is better that one man should perish than a whole lot of people. They had to do that a couple of times, like with Laban.

Micah: I kind of liked how he uh curses Korihor in the name of God. I think he can’t really do it without naming God. Nobody can really do something like that unless they believe in God.

Kaylee: Verse 53. I thought it was interesting that what had happened and that even after that he still believes it even though he knew it was the devil who had tricked him. What I would have done is if I had figured out it was the devil I would stop teaching those things to the people.

60 - I like how he tells us the devil will not support his children but will drag them down to hell. God will support His children even when they are struggling. And He won’t drag them down to hell but will bring them up to heaven.


Mom: Korihor says in 48, “I do not deny the existence of a God, but I do not believe that there is a God.” But go back and read verse 28 where he accuses Alma and his brethren are getting the people to believe in “some unknown being who they say is God- a being who never has been seen or known, who never was nor will ever be.” This is the example of the contrary conversations of a total liar.  I pray that we can have the Spirit with us to discern when people are lying to us, especially about our religious beliefs.

Dad: I think it is interesting to watch how Korihor fell into his own trap. It is always the same. Jesus taught that the truth shall make you free and we can see that here as an example. We can also see it all over the place in today’s society. People are falling into their own traps and lies. Nephi prophesied that the great and abominable church of the devil would dig a pit for true believers but they would fill it themselves. And thus it is and thus we can see it.

Looking Up

I don't recall ever seeing it at this magnitude before. Maybe it's because word travels more quickly these days through news or social media. It just seems there are so many openly criticizing the church or just flat out leaving it, more hecklers who make their way into our conference meetings, more mocking, pointing fingers, and opposing voices at Christians in general.

I feel like our nation, our cities, our schools, even our homes and families are more polarized, more divided than ever before. I must admit that in today's world, it takes me a little more energy to avoid discouragement. I thirst more for the things of the Spirit, for truth, for heaven, the things that will enlighten and lift my soul, not drag me down and rob me of my hope or cripple my faith.

Joseph and I took the opportunity yesterday to attend the Temple in preparation to listen to the words of the Prophets and Apostles this weekend. I cannot express enough how much I am looking forward  to General Conference tomorrow and Sunday.

Even if everyone I knew, everyone who is close to me in my life were to fall away from the Church, to lose their faith, I could never abandon the truths that have become engraved upon my heart and soul. I have a testimony of this great and marvelous work that has been restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith. I am not ashamed of it. I know that God has called prophets on the earth today, to guide and direct us, to lead us in truth, to keep us from destructive paths, and to bring us to our Savior, Jesus Christ. My heart is forever grateful for the scriptures, for the power of daily personal prayer, for covenants made in the Temple, for fellowship among the saints, for eternal truths of family, of identity, and the worth of every soul in the sight of God. I love this gospel! I choose to keep looking up!

The Cost—and Blessings—of Discipleship

September 2018

We started the month off with a couple of simple little family hikes: 

The Grotto and Battle Creek Falls

(I've heard that The Grotto has been burned by the fires a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if it is true, but if it is, that's very sad. It's such a beautiful little hike for the children. I'm glad we went when we did.)

Millie, Kaylee, and Leah (Kaylee's best friend)

Leah, Kaylee, Millie, and Dad (in the background)

Miriam and Emma Spencer (best friends)

*sigh*.... Oh Micah...
Why do you make that poopy face
when I take your picture?

I found a "SUPER" cool rock on one of our hikes
.. and kept it. :)

Amillia had been having some behavioral struggles, acting out from anxiety and anger. After the other kids were getting a little worn out from her tantrums, we decided to have a family meeting explaining to our other kids that she wasn't intentionally trying to behave poorly. We explained how she needs to be reassured as often as possible, over and over again that she is loved. Most of her major tantrums come from a place of deep insecurity and fear of rejection.

That same evening after everyone had gone to bed, I noticed Micah's bedroom light was still on and could hear paper rustling.  I tapped on his door and peeked in to find him writing a card and wrapping a present for Millie (his favorite Sonic Screwdriver).

As soon as she woke up the next morning, Micah surprised her with the present. She loved it and kept the toy and card with her everywhere she went that day, even on our little bike-ride. 😍

The girls enjoying one last swim in Sept.

Piper (our bonus child for most of the week)

Taking Kaylee and Amillia out for some fun
to give them a chance to bond a little more.

The first week into September, my dad called to tell me that we almost lost my sister again. She had been admitted to a rehab unit in Bountiful. Her husband had become life-threatening in his drunk tirades and they both hit "rock bottom".  

It was a tight security unit under 24hour surveillance with only two hour visiting windows each day. I drove up to Bountiful a couple of times during her treatment to be with her. They were emotional visits, ones where I was begging for her to trust the doctors and be receptive to the help they were trying to give her. We hugged, cried, prayed together, and shared memories.

 Miraculous things happened while she was there! Her wonderful Bishop and Ward Mission Leader, drove all the way from Sandy on two different occasions; the first time just as a visit, and second time to give her a blessing (an amazing blessing where Amy and the Bishop both could feel the presence of our Mom). 

When Amy was released from the rehab unit, there was a noticeable change in her, a real desire to get out of her abusive relationship, to have a greater confidence in herself, and trust in God. One of the first things she wanted to do was have a family birthday party for her son, Brayden, (whose birthday she missed while in the hospital). 

The whole evening I was amazed! I hadn't seen my sister that happy for years! She was radiant, full of life, and carried by hope. At one point in the evening, I turned to my niece and said, "Wow, isn't this wonderful!" 

She replied, "Yes, I'm taking all the pictures and video I can to remember this day. I hope she keeps going this direction." 

"I do too," I said.

Alexa has been an amazing support, an incredible daughter to Amy. What a strong girl she has been through everything! I'm so proud of her!

Alexa trying to teach Connor "The Floss" in my parent's kitchen.
No matter how he tried, he couldn't get it right.
 I could not stop laughing and nearly peed my pants.🤣

These next series of photos crack me up.

Pay close attention to Chandler... 

His expression doesn't change one bit in every shot. 

He only moves his arm just sightly and slowly enough to torment his sister. 

So subtle... oh so subtle... but I saw it. 

Mom sees everything!

There's a moonlight ski-lift ride up in Sundance every year. Joseph and I have gone before as a date but this time, we decided to take the whole family.

The kids "somewhat" posing for a picture in the parking lot, 

waiting for the shuttle.

This is just a bench along the pathway to the lodge. Chandler had left the ticket line and sat there, not moving -like a statue permanently fixed to the bench. The other kids took a moment to pose next to him for a quick pic. He didn't budge at all, didn't move an inch... his form of protest against family photos.🤣

Miriam, Millie, and Micah

Chandler

Me, Kaylee, and Dad rode together.

Why not try a goofy selfie while we're at it... Dad wins.

....But moonlight tram rides are for making out, aren't they??

 So despite our middle passenger, Joseph and I also tried some passionate kissing for fun... 

Doesn't get anymore romantic than this!

Kaylee's reaction.


 Enough said.

On My Heart

Tonight, it was an old day planner. I don't know why I even have it. It was my mom's from two years ago. Other times, it might be something like a song, a dinner she used to make, or a piece of her old jewelry in my little girl's dress-up tote, simple things that stir up memories of her, and make me miss her.

It's still sometimes completely unreal to me, the fact that I won't ever see her again in my mortal life, that our next reunion won't be until heaven. It seems so far. On the 12th, it will be exactly seven months since she passed away. It blows my mind how fast these months have flown by. So much has happened.

Sometimes, like tonight when I'm alone in bed, I just lay there and talk quietly to the ceiling above me, imagining her in my room. I always think it's interesting that the things I say to her sound so much like my prayers to my Father in Heaven. I'm sure she hears me just like He does. I don't know how but I just feel that she does.

Writing this out has helped, even if I really didn't say much. I have a great deal on my heart. I'm not sad. I just miss her and wish I would have told her more how amazing she was. She was one of the purest souls to ever live, who genuinely loved others with a sincere Christlike love. I'm so grateful for her!

I love you mom!

Who is Greater?

Ammon vrs. Aaron

Everyone knows about Ammon and heralds him as one of the greatest men called to serve in the Book of Mormon. What about Ammon's brother, Aaron? He served a mission too, he worked just as hard as Ammon. But he didn't seem to have the same success as his brother. Aaron faced harsh challenges that Ammon did not.  The scriptures tell us, "As it happened, it was their [Aaron and his companions] lot to have fallen into the hands of a more hardened and a more stiff-necked people". - Alma 20:30

When Aaron was imprisoned, I wonder if he had thoughts of failure? Or, did he trust that God was working behind the scenes through others? Because we know, in the end, Aaron had a great deal of success.

Do we trust in the bigger picture in our own lives?

Parenthood

It's easy to think about missionary service when we read these stories about Aaron and Ammon because, that's what they're about. But this last time I read these chapters in our family scripture study, I thought about parenting, about raising children, comparing one family situation to another.

You can have two families side-by-side, both sets of parents striving with all their might to raise their children up to be strong and valiant in the Gospel. Both sets love and care for their children, both provide all the necessities of life, both pray with them, testify to them, teach them the scriptures, take them to Church to be nurtured, and both try to give their children every opportunity to blossom and grow in faith and testimony.  And yet, they all turn out different.  Even some of our children may be described as "more hardened" than others.

Every family situation is completely different: circumstances, habits from upbringing, cultural traditions, individual personalities, challenges, opportunities, etc.  But one thing is the same all across the board.  None of us are perfect and all of us will struggle.

So, to you parents who have done all you could to raise your children right and you feel like you have lost the battle (like Aaron must have felt when he was in prison). Keep on keeping on! Don't give up. Don't quit. Stay faithful. Stay true. Stay on the path. Stay strong. Stay pure. Stay Gold!!

-----------------------
Do Your Best and Don't Punish Yourself

"God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.
Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.
And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
It’s wonderful that you have strengths.
And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses.
God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths,1 but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.

....many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.
In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

----------------------

Keep On Pushing Back the Dark

Some of the greatest people I have learned about throughout history and have known personally in my own life, have had some of the most difficult challenges, far more than I could ever comprehend... and yet, they continue to shine through it all.

There is no one greater than our Savior, Jesus Christ. He is what matters most in the final analysis- in what other's think of us, in who sees us, in final judgment, in our calling as parents, or in our service in the Church. No one is greater than God. If our hearts are aligned with Him and His words, if we are trying our best, nothing else really matters!

"The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
Therefore,hold on thy way,  and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." D&C 121:8,9

-Alicia

Canker

In a plant, a canker is a fungal disease that causes rotting.

Similarly, on human flesh, a canker is the disintegration of the tissue.

What would be a canker to our spirit? Something that eats away at our relationships, deteriorates our affections, and disintegrates our faith and trust in God?  I believe one of the biggest spiritual diseases that rots away at our soul is contention.

We just finished Alma 19 as a family. This is the part where Ammon teaches King Lamoni the gospel of Jesus Christ, redemption from sin and death, and the plan God has for His children on earth. King Lamoni feels the witness deep in his soul of everything Ammon teaches him. The king is so overjoyed with the gospel of our Savior that he collapses into a sleep of heavenly visions. But when he doesn't wake up for a while, some of the people around him begin to think Ammon must have harmed the king, that he might be dead, or that the king is under a curse because of the murders he had committed before the gospel had ever been preached to him. Whatever their ideas were, a sharp contention rose among the people as they debated back and forth. 

The arguments and fighting that stirred among the people caused one woman in the crowd to be "exceedingly sorrowful, even unto tears." Her spirit was pure and humble and the angry atmosphere injured her heart. Contention is not of God and never will be. It cankers our souls and brings into our lives a deep and penetrating sorrow.  

In regards to the passages we read as a family this morning, we asked our children what they thought the cause of all the contention was, especially around an experience so sacred and spiritual for Ammon and King Lamoni.

Chandler gave a really good answer. He said, "The people started to fight hard with each other because they were trying to explain things with their own understanding. When we try to analyze miracles or spiritual experiences with our own mortal understanding, it will lead to our downfall."

(I am really proud of Chandler for that answer. He doesn't like to show a spiritual side around us but with our new way of scripture study over this past year, it has really helped him open up. And let me tell you, he can share some very profound thoughts!)

After our family study, I dug a little deeper and searched "contention" on scriptures.byu.edu and discovered a talk in 1989 by Elder Russel M. Nelson. I selected a small portion of it below:

-----

"Divine doctrine of the Church is the prime target of attack by the spiritually contentious. Well do I remember a friend who would routinely sow seeds of contention in Church classes. His assaults would invariably be preceded by this predictable comment: 'let me play the role of devil’s advocate.' Recently he passed away. One day he will stand before the Lord in judgment. Then, I wonder, will my friend’s predictable comment again be repeated?

Such contentious spirits are not new. In an epistle to Timothy, the Apostle Paul gave this warning, 'that the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphemed.'  1 Tim. 6:1

'If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to [his] doctrine … doting about questions and strifes of words, … supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.'  1 Tim. 6:3–5 see also  Isa. 29:21  2 Ne. 27:32  D&C 19:30  D&C 38:41  D&C 60:14

Dissecting doctrine in a controversial way in order to draw attention to oneself is not pleasing to the Lord. He declared:

'Bring to light the true points of my doctrine, yea, and the only doctrine which is in me.'

'And this I do that I may establish my gospel, that there may not be so much contention; yea, Satan doth stir up the hearts of the people to contention concerning the points of my doctrine; and in these things they do err, for they do wrest the scriptures and do not understand them.'  D&C 10:62–63

Contention fosters disunity. The Book of Mormon teaches the better way:

'Alma, having authority from God, … commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.'  Mosiah 18:18, 21 see also  Mosiah 23:15" - Russel M. Nelson - April General Conference 1989 - The Canker of Contention

----

MORE THAN EVER in our world today, WE NEED UNITY.  We need to come together in a spirit of gentleness, forgiveness, gratitude, in the Spirit of our Savior. Contention fosters the opposite, creates discord and disintegration of relationships, it eats away at our faith, fellowship, and family like a ulceric canker. It's an erosive disease and sows nothing but sorrow - especially the kind of contention aimed at the core doctrines of the Gospel.

“Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.”  3 Ne. 11:29–30

Remember this?

Have you heard the new song by Imagine Dragons?  It's the theme song for the second Wreck-It Ralph movie and is destined to top all of the charts! 

Not the rhythm style but the humor style of the Zero video (usage of screenshots and the internet) reminds me of Pantomime.

Pantomime is one of their first hits I remember before they made it really big. (That's the year we went to see them in concert at the Venue in Salt Lake and all their CD's were only $5.)  Ah, this brings back some fun memories!

Zero - 2018

Pantomime - 2011

Jump-Scare

He always stays up later than anyone else in the family. Every night, Joseph and I are usually in bed for over an hour before Chandler. He has a very consistent routine he does before he finally shuts off all the lights. His routine always involves going outside to take a shower in our garage (that's the only place we have a shower) before he comes back in to our other bathroom next to our kitchen to brush his teeth, shave, and wash his face. 

Last night, I came down stairs after everyone else had gone to bed. My intention was to just grab some floss for my teeth and head right back upstairs. The lights were all on so I knew Chandler was still up, I peeked into his room to say goodnight but he wasn't there. Just then, I heard the side door next to our kitchen open. He must have been finishing up a shower.

As soon as I heard the doorknob turn, I had this urge to jump out and scare Chandler. I can't explain why I get this urge. It's like I see a perfect situation for a jump-scare and I absolutely can't resist the immense amount of pleasure it brings.

The lights in our living room were casting dark shadows into our music room (perfect for hiding). Chandler always walks through the music room to get to his bed - so I darted into the darkness and waited..... I laughed inside with anticipation.

I heard him lock the outside door behind him and cross into our other bathroom next to our kitchen where he proceeded to finish his evening routine. It took him longer than I expected but soon I heard him walking toward the music room and shutting off all the lights behind him, completely unaware of my presence.

He shut off the final light in the living room and the whole house was dark, except for a dim glow coming through the crack of his bedroom doorway. Everything was deathly quiet.

This was my moment.

I gave out a growl like a a gremlin as I reached for him out of the shadows. He leaped three feet into the air with a scream.

Oh, the satisfaction!!
His reaction was hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing.

Within a fraction of a vengeful second, he picked me up over his shoulder, threw me onto the couch, and sat on me. I laughed even harder to tears. The only thing that came out of his mouth was, "How long were you waiting for me, mom?" Me: still laughing... and him: still sitting dead-weight on me - I replied with the little breath I had in my squashed lungs, "For quite a while... You took forever in the bathroom....but the wait was worth every second!"

Stay Gold, Ponyboy!

Ah... **sigh**

This movie will never grow old to me. I love absolutely everything about it!

When Joseph and I arrived home from hanging out with our friends tonight, our kids had a second movie already started. Normally, we just allow them one movie while we're out. But they knew if they chose Mitty as a second show for the evening, no matter how late it was, I wouldn't want to shut it off. 

They were right.  I couldn't resist. 

I still love it for all the same reasons. 💓 

In the Midst of Opposition

Everywhere I turn these days, there seems to be some group or some one mocking the Church, mocking religion in general, or mocking any kind of belief in Christ.... and that antagonism seems to be rising.

But maybe it really isn't that new?

In my studies the other morning, I found this quote by John Taylor almost a century ago:

"The Gospel of the Son of God has always been obnoxious to a great portion of the human family. In it there is too much light, too much truth, too much intelligence; for the bulk of mankind; its principles are too pure, too noble, too elevating to accord with the general feelings of humanity and with that spirit that proceeds from the powers of darkness, and which rules in the midst of the children of disobedience. Eph. 2:2 

And hence people generally have been opposed to it, and they are opposed to it today. People oppose it, but they do not comprehend it. They speak against it; but they speak of that which they know not of. And while they think we are superstitious and ignorant, we know that they are; there is no doubt on that question. We know that they 'understand neither what they say, nor whereof they affirm.”'1 Tim. 1:7 Therefore to us they are objects of commiseration more than anything else.

Talk of Christianity and of the Gospel of the Son of God, in all the ages of the world, whenever and wherever it was proclaimed, there was a spirit of hostility and antagonism manifested towards it from the very first. We may go back as far as the days of Cain." - John Taylor


Despite how the world views faith and religion, I know that there is a God in Heaven who is a personal, loving, forgiving, Father to us all and that He hears our prayers. I've had innumerable prayers answered and have witnessed the hand of God all throughout my life, I cannot deny it. Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world, the Redeemer of us all, from sin and from death. He is love personified. I have felt that love time and time again!

With all my personal demons, my fears, my doubts, my insecurities, my failures, that could so easily drag me down to despair... I am constantly lifted up by the hope and comfort I find in my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I know that we can be guided through the language of the Spirit, through a regular study of the scriptures, and by those the Lord has chosen as prophets, seers, and revelators.

I know the Book of Mormon is true, the Bible is true, that Joseph Smith was a true Prophet of God and the Priesthood was restored through him. I love and honor the Priesthood. We have a living prophet on the earth today who speaks the will and mind of the Lord, here to guide this generation into safe paths and green pastures, I trust him and his divine calling.

I cannot express enough how grateful I am for the restored gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I know it is true with all of my heart. I pray someday my children will have this same testimony embedded deep within their hearts.

Creating PEACE

8-28-18

I don’t know what started this downward spiral with my adopted daughter? Was it her fears or my fears that caused her to start acting out, or a little of both? When she first came to live with us in the middle of October last year, her behavior was absolutely angelic - she couldn’t have been more perfect. Of course, we all fell in love with her.

She never misbehaved in a violent way with us. There was one or two times though when I would pick her up from her bio-visits with grandma where she displayed violent, angry, outbursts: hitting her grandma, screaming like an animal, clawing and grabbing. I was shocked - she never behaved that way with us... Once we got her out of view of her grandma and drove away, she calmed down.  I’m sure that’s where my fears began though. Those scenes stuck in the back of my mind. It was only a matter of time before I’d experience them for myself.

Things started to change in our home around three-and-a-half months after she came to live with us. I really don’t know what it was. Maybe because she was starting to feel more comfortable with our family and she felt like she could let her guard down a bit? Or maybe it had something to do with her not being able to see her bio family as much and she was experiencing grief and loss? We don’t know exactly what triggered them but her meltdowns started occurring about once or twice a week then. I’m sure it was a combination of many things in her mind.

Just after her first couple of melt-down’s are when I started to worry that she might get worse.  Anxiety, fear, hurt, and guilt began to enter my mind more frequently. How did this happen? She was doing so well but she’s changing now. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t stop it. I could feel the negative emotions build greater towards her the more I tried to push them out. I knew she could sense it.

I’m sure it was on one of my more stressful days, one of those days where she was acting out so much that everyone else in the family was burnt out, completely spent. Usually they are quite tolerant. I could see they were overwhelmed and it made me overwhelmed. It must have been one of those days when her behavior and all the other demands of life were too much to bear... I lost it. I yelled at her, took her harshly by the arm up to her room, and spanked her on the bottom.

Of course, spanking her and yelling at her didn’t stop her though. It did absolutely zero good because it broke her trust that she was in a safe place and she only screamed harder, which scared me even more. Maybe it was then that both of us started to lose trust in each other where both of us began to feel a little more detached? After that, her melt-downs grew more frequent. It seemed her behavior became more spiteful. She cracked under the slightest circumstances. She began to create more fights with the other children, which only increased my fears and anxieties and caused ME to “lose it” on more occasions.

From her adorable smile,  no one would ever guess that she is having melt-downs several times a day: very intense, throwing her body violently and clawing at her face, kicking, screaming with a piercing pitch. I know in these moments she is desperately needing connection but with this kind of behavior, my knee-jerk reaction is to get angry with her, to yell at her to stop, or take her to her room harshly (which is the total opposite of connection). In these intense moments I have wanted so desperately to avoid showing my frustration with her that I end up avoiding her all-together. The irony is I will stay away as often as I can when she gets like this because I love her, because when she does those things I don’t feel like I self-regulate very well.  So, I separate myself... But to her this is also seen as rejection.

The hardest and sadest thing is that… Almost everything is rejection to her. If I don’t respond the very second she’s asking for something, she feels rejected. If I am spending time with another child, she feels rejected. If I tell her no or correct her in ANY way, she feels rejected. Which in turn, causes her to have all sorts of other behavioral outbursts.

I know disciplining her with a spanking or putting her in time-out doesn’t work. I’ve taken the TBRI classes. I know she is just craving connection. How do I connect when she keeps defaulting to a situation of disconnect? I feel like I’m stuck both ways!!



9-11-18

After many fervent prayers, soul-searching, and more therapy, I feel like things are getting better with Amillia… Or at least, I feel that I’m handling things better. I have gained a greater understanding that has given me a little more compassion in her extremely rough moments.

 I told her therapist about some of her violent tantrums that include her scratching her arms and face and smacking herself on the head. Her therapist said that these are signs of self-shaming. My heart sunk when she said that. I don’t know why it never occured to me, because it seems so obvious now. When this little girl is beating herself, she is telling herself she is horrible, a failure, not worth the love or attention. It made so much more sense as to why she does it but it made my heart hurt deeply. I never want Amillia to tell herself such terrible things. This new revelation opened me to more compassion.

Traditional parenting doesn’t work. It unravels all the trust the child needs to navigate regularly in life. It simply doesn’t work in the form of time-out, punishments like a swat on the bum, forcing, yelling, or making the child sit in a corner.

Amillia’s therapist referenced a very good parenting book for adoptive families and gave me four tools to use during her melt-downs: empathy, acceptance, and curiosity.

I created one more tool... (Ephesians 4:1-3) so I could make the acronym, PEACE, to help me remember:

Playfulness - Lighten the mood by turning things into a game as often as possible.
Empathy - When you discover what she is feeling, tell her about times in your own life when you felt the same emotions, when you felt scared, sad, angry, or worried.
Acceptance - Gentle physical touch, staying present, words of praise, giving warm and loving eye contact every single chance you get.
Curiosity - Focus on her feelings, not on her behavior. Ask her what she’s feeling.
Ephesians 4:1-3 - “Walk worthy of the [motherhood] wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”


It is taking me multiple failed attempts but I’m learning, slowly, slowly learning... hopefully....

My New Hero

We are in Alma 15 for our family scripture study. Verse 16 gives an example of meekness through the life of Amulek. Elder Bednar sighted this in his last conference address about the attribute of meekness comparing the difference between the rich young man's response to follow the Savior and Amulek's.

Amulek forsook, "all his gold, and silver, and his precious things, which were in the land of Amonihah, for the word of God, he being rejected by those who were once his friends and also by his father and his kindred." - Alma 15:16

How strong would my love for God need to be to have the kind of willingness to follow the Lord and remain true to my covenants... even if it means my friends and my own family will hate me, reject me???

We know it wasn't easy for Amulek because we can see in verse 18 -  It was probably his most difficult and agonizing time in his life. In fact, his tribulations were so great that he needed to receive a special priesthood blessing from the Prophet. (Alma 15:18) What's so inspiring is that after the blessing, Amulek went right back to work with amazing trust in God.

 Amulek's faith and meekness is impressive! He's not usually one of the firsts to come to mind when we think of Book of Mormon heroes... but I think he should be!

August 2018

The First of August always starts off with a very special day. Chandler turned 17 this year. I made his birthday sign to have his Soundcloud logo in the background- Slingshot!  And of course, Chandler is sporting  his Hardwell T-shirt.  His whole world is listening to and writing electronic dance music.

 It's ironic that the child of mine who usually ends up with  the most cavities also wanted her own dental kit. Kaylee worked hard and saved her money to buy these official dental tools. So cute! She especially loves the tiny mirror. Maybe she'll be a hygienist someday?

 I took Micah  grocery shopping at Sprouts. I guess I was taking a little too long picking out produce because when I turned around, Micah was standing by the potatoes sculpting a man on a chair with twistie ties. Just another example of Micah's endearing personality.

Piper is the new baby we watch Mondays through Fridays. All of the kids love her... and... I'm pretty sure Millie does too... Amillia is just having a very hard time with this transition . At least I was able to capture a small happy moment she had with her.

Chandler's good friend, Brandon, left on his mission this month. The morning Brandon left for the MTC, Chandler got up at 4:30am to ride the train to the airport.  Unfortunately, he missed his friend by a few minutes and was unable to see him off.  Chandler was pretty upset that he went through all the trouble to show Brandon support  only to get to the airport too late. When Chandler walked in the house later that day, Micah could see the disappointment on his face. 

A few minutes after Chandler's return, I witnessed Micah dash out of the house and head down the street to the 7Eleven. He returned home quickly searching for a piece of paper to attach to some goodies he had just purchased with his own hard-earned money from the convenience store. My heart melted!

Kaylee had fun making this little board game with her 4H Mentor. Joseph and I both tested it out and played several rounds with her. It was actually pretty fun and quite clever. 

Chandler's first day of being a Senior and Miriam's first day of being a Sophomore. And by the way, this is the classic face Chandler has made every year when school starts. Gotta love the enthusiasm! 

This month was Amillia's first ever birthday being a part of our family. She didn't get to see any of her biological family this year because we are taking a six month break from them in order for us to bond more closely with her. She can feel the loss and it has been a roller-coaster. I know that's why she acts out most of the time with her emotional melt-downs and is so excessively clingy with me. But for a good portion, she has been taking it in stride and continues to increase in resilience and strength. We love her and we're going to get through this!

Grandpa Manwill with Millie

We had a little family picnic up at Theater in the Pines. Lots of memories here. We love this place!

Watch out for photo-bombers. ;)

I spy Joseph and Miriam having a mid-week afternoon daddy-daughter date hanging out at the river next to his work. The kids love their one-on-one time with dad. Miriam is able to go up on her online school days.  The only kid who doesn't do this with Joseph is Chandler but that's because on the every-other-day he is out of school for his online classes, he's at work from 9am to 5pm. 

I canned peaches for the very first time in my life! And now that I've done it several times already this season, I'm pretty fast at it.  It felt good to learn something new... and it felt good to put my mom's canning supplies to use. I only wish I had done it last season when she was still around so I could show her. I'm sure heaven has a pretty good view though and that she is smiling from above.