Both times, I inquired if I gave off the impression that I somehow always have a strong heavenly optimistic perspective of myself, of life, and of God. They seemed to believe I did.
I sort-of laughed because life for me is not a steady flow of spiritual enlightenment. I loose focus all the time. I battle all too often with my insecurities, with my unattractive flaws, with my lack of education and refinement. I struggle to forgive those who have hurt me. I have wished sometimes for a different upbringing, a different life. And as far as spirituality goes; I have more moments than I'd like to admit where my scripture study is completely flat and I feel totally uninspired. I have my ups and downs. Life for me is not this constant high. I have to get "back on track" all the time.
In today's world, I make it a point to stay clear of social media unless I have a specific purpose to check in on a friend, family member, or post on our Relief Society group. Other than that, I try to keep off.
Also, prayer is my first language. No matter how ridiculously broken I might feel, I say a prayer wherever I am. I know God cares, that He'll help me. He always has. He always does. He always will.
It also helps for me to forget myself. To find someone who is in greater need and do something for them.
I guess my answer to both of my friends is faith. It takes faith to trust that we are all children of worth, children of God who cares enough about us to hear our prayers and the silent pleadings of our hearts - especially in a world that is constantly telling us otherwise.
We must recognize and admit that in this journey called life, we are blind. Our vision is impaired in various ways. But God see's all. He will guide us with the words of Truth, the words of Christ - And we have Prophet's on the earth who are Seers for us - (See - ers) because they have been called by Him to guide us.
"For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." - 1 Corinthians 13:9-12
When we have faith, it doesn't mean that we always see clearly - it means that we trust God does. It doesn't mean our perspective can't get thrown off - it means when it does (and it inevitably will) we will know where to turn to get it back again. In every gospel principle and truth - It takes faith to keep moving, when you don't feel like moving. It takes faith to reach out and serve others (especially in our family) when we don't feel like reaching out or serving. It takes faith to forgive when we don't want to forgive. It takes faith to keep praying, when you don't feel like praying. It takes faith to keep believing, when you feel like the heaven's are closed.
-Alicia
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