Reminds Me of Mom

With Valentine's around the corner, I can't help but think of my mom. She loved Valentines Day and found so much fun in making the whole week leading up to it an excuse to share little gifts and thoughtful notes of love for each of us kids.

February 14th last year was a bitter-sweet one for me because it's the last time I was with my mom before her accident. It was the last time she hugged me. I took the kids with me to my sister, Amy's work at the Wentworth Retirement Center to bring my sister flowers and decorate her desk with hearts. Amy is a Recreational Therapist and always plans fun things for the residents.

I spent most of my time that day focused on helping my sister with her activities and the residents. I hardly spoke with my mom because I was running around so much. I feel bad about that. Mom gave me a hug after the program was over and thanked me for visiting Amy - I know that meant the most to her. She said she wished she could stay longer but she had a cold she was battling and wanted to go home to get some rest.

Little did I know that the medicine my mom's doctor would prescribe to her for her cold a couple weeks later would be the cause of her heart arrhythmia and cardiac arrest.


I miss my mom. Sometimes, I'll dream of seeing her again, I'll run to her and hug her so tight.

It's strange how different moments shape your memory and the things you associate with them. This photograph from Feb. 14th last year of my mom watching my sister's program is the first image that plays over in my mind now whenever I think of Valentine's. I see her dressed up pretty in her black blouse and white scarf, her long grey streaked hair, and black pearl earrings to match.

 I see this image in my mind just at the mention of Valentine's and my heart aches. I want to stop what I'm doing, sit next to my mom, and throw my arms around her - just enjoy the moment I have to be with her.

Thursdays (Zero Technology Night)

Last night was our second Thursday doing this: shutting off all technology at 7:30 and spending the rest of the evening completely unplugged. Ahhh it's so refreshing! Very, very nice -Joseph and I LOVE it! And I really think our kids have loved it too. I think the idea came in part from a talk I had been listening to in preparation for our Ward Conference. The theme of our Ward Conference this year was all about getting the Spirit in our lives, learning to follow and heed the voice of the Lord.

"The Voice of the Spirit" by, President Faust is a prophetic talk given clear back in 1993 before the internet was really even a mainstream thing in most households. I know my family didn't have it clear back then. I don't think we got the internet in our home until maybe 1995 or 96.

 In one part of President Faust's talk, he warns:
"In your generation you will be barraged by multitudes of voices telling you how to live, how to gratify your passions, how to have it all....There will be all sorts of software, interactive computer modems, databases, and bulletin boards; there will be desktop publishing, satellite receivers, and communications networks that will suffocate you with information... Everyone will be under more scrutiny. There will be fewer places of refuge and serenity. You will be bombarded with evil and wickedness like no other generation. As I contemplate this prospect, I am reminded of T. S. Eliot’s words, 'Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?' (The Rock [1934], I)."

One of the things I love about our Zero Technology Night is that Chandler came out and played board games with Kaylee and Micah. He talked with us and stayed with us. He seemed happier, all of the kids seemed to interact and play with each other more. I hope more than anything the kids recognized how freeing that felt to not be distracted by any screens. It was awesome!!

Have you seen the movie Incredibles 2? Have you seen Wall-e?
Have you seen this thought provoking little short that was made about three years ago? https://vimeo.com/127447302
Or read this article in the LA Times published a couple weeks ago? https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-riley-screen-time-zeitgeist-shift-20190107-story.html

Screens aren't probably going away anytime soon so I believe it's important that we help our kids be wise with how they use them. I'm so glad Miriam and Micah have chosen not to enter the Facebook or Instagram world. I think when people get on social media too much it's like inviting the trauma of  Middle School dramas back into your life again. And who wants that?!!

There is so much more good to fill our minds with. There is plenty of good, worthwhile wonderful things on the internet. Not all of it is junk. Our screens really can be a tool for so many wonderful things. But it's like when President Faust asked:

"How are you possibly going to select what voices you will listen to and believe? The implications for you as individuals are staggering. To survive, you must:
First, exercise your moral agency wisely. Omni tells us how we can make the proper channel selections. 'There is nothing which is good save it comes from the Lord: and that which is evil cometh from the devil' (Omni 1:25). Every moment demands that we choose, over and over again, between that which comes from the Lord and that which comes from the devil. As tiny drops of water shape a landscape, so our minute-by-minute choices shape our character. Living the eternal gospel every day may be harder than dying for the Church and the Lord."

December 2019

December started off really scary. Amillia had a bad case of croup that lasted for a week. I couldn't sleep at night worrying that she would stop breathing. I have never experienced croup with any of my kids before. This was the first time and I hope it was my last. Amillia's lungs aren't the strongest and she seems more prone to this stuff. Ah man! It was scary!

The kid's went to their twin cousin's baptism, Penelope and Oliver Sanchez. After the baptism, the entire family gathered to create hats and scarfs for humanitarian aide. All of the cousins filled the gym of the church and worked together in a an awesome spirit of love and service. I think my Sister-in-Law, Ellen is the coolest mom ever to think of an activity like that for her kids after a baptism. Wish I would have thought of that with our children! After Micah got home, he found some scraps of material and made Amillia a hat and then his own stocking for Christmas.💕

@ Joseph's Christmas Work Party - Simplifile 

(He's been working there for 6 years now.)

Picking out our Christmas tree from a lot this year instead of cutting our own down. 

Next year, we'll tromp through the forest to find our own. 

I tried a Nativity painting for our windows this Christmas. I rather like how it turned out.

Kaylee and Micah goofing off -taking selfies.

We had several cousin get-together's and sleep-over's in December on Joseph's side. One of those evenings the kids did baptisms with their cousins at the Jordan River Temple. We were the last one's out and we didn't think about getting a picture until everyone had already left. But it was a great turn-out and so fun to do with extended family.

Micah's cousin's Quentin Richmond and Devin Jarrett

Kaylee and her cousin, Julia

Amillia painted this cat all on her own. 

I think we have an amazing artist in our midst!!

My dad has had very little energy this year after losing my mom. It has been difficult for him to just get out of bed each day. But he made a really big effort to put up and decorate the Christmas tree. Through the years, my mom collected little miniature houses  until she had a whole village under the tree. My dad placed each one out this year in memory of her. I think this Christmas has been really hard for him. My heart breaks. We all miss mom!

We hosted my side of the family for a Christmas party at my house this year. It's so crazy to go from Joseph's side with so many people to my side with only three or four individuals.  I invited my sister Amy and my brother Keith (and his wife, Maria) but they wouldn't come. They actually don't ever come to anything I invite them too, it's sad. But Alexa and Conner came and Alexa brought her brother, Brayden with them too. We hardly see Brayden because he's with a different dad than Alexa. So, we are very happy whenever he can come. We were also able to do a face-time with my younger brother, Kenneth and his wife and family who live in Texas. 

Face time with Kenneth

Alexa and Brayden

My dad spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with us. I was so glad to have him spend the night because it broke my heart for him to be alone. He joined us for our traditional Shepherd's Dinner by candlelight. We love this tradition!

Christmas Morning - the kids can't hold back the excitement 

to go downstairs and open presents, especially cheesy Micah

This whole month of December we've been praying for our Stake Patriarch, Wayne Snow. He's the one who sealed Amillia to our family in the Temple. She adores President Snow! He had a really scary infection near his heart this past month which brought him dangerously close to death. Amillia made sure that we never forgot him in our prayers. Such a sweet, thoughtful girl! 

I had to save a picture of this cute little cake my friend, Suzanne made for us. It was her way of saying thank-you for letting them use our garage for storage while they tried to sell their home. 

Micah is our Master Builder when it comes to Legos. 

This scuba diver is all original from his own creation. 

No instruction booklet, no template, just random pieces. I love it!

What 13-yr-old boy chooses to do this?!

Micah came with me to my Greek and Roman Literature class almost every week this past semester. He was so intrigued that during the last couple weeks of class, he asked if he could borrow my Iliad book. Every evening, when I would kiss him goodnight, I'd find him reading intently before bed. He finished the Iliad in less than a month. His favorite character was Achilles. He even illustrated and designed his own Achilles statue with a 3D printer! (He doesn't like it because the spear tip broke off but I think it's still the coolest thing ever!)

This morning, I went to wake Micah for scripture study and discovered by his bedside my Odyssey book from class, with a bookmark already half-way through it. So awesome! He never ceases to amaze me!

Simply Grateful

My dad spent the night with us last night. It was his first Christmas without mom and we didn't want him to be alone. I'm so glad he came. Last night we enjoyed our traditional Shepherd's dinner by candlelight next to a cozy fire, shared the true Christmas story as we read from Luke, and watched It's a Wonderful Life. This morning we started our day out with a family prayer, opened presents, and enjoyed our traditional Christmas breakfast.

Every Christmas, I'm so grateful for how easily pleased my kids are with just a couple of gifts. We've never had to be extravagant, they don't ask for much. I'm so lucky to have such amazing children! Our Christmas has been wonderful, I couldn't ask for more.

Merry Christmas, everyone!


...And speaking of Christmas....

As I listened to the Christmas Devotional again this past week, I really loved this part of Sister Eubank's talk:

 “[Our Heavenly Father] sees us, His little children, trying. Our efforts don’t always succeed, but He knows how hard we are working—sometimes gritting our teeth and plunking through a disaster—and He loves us for it. For all of our dissonant, out of tune, unrecognizable music, He sent His beautiful Only Begotten Son, who is love’s pure light. Jesus Christ will repair every bad note and redeem every sour overtone if we turn to Him and ask for His help. Because of the birth, the Atonement, and the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, we can all 'sleep in heavenly peace.'”-Sharon Eubank

I love this because I often feel like the one plunking through a "disastrous performance" but God still loves me through every effort, because I'm trying. I pray that this Christmas and always, each of you will be filled with the peace, love, and hope that only the Savior can bring.<3

Help Along the Way

Saying that "sometimes, life can be hard" really feels like an understatement especially, when the Lord has called us to those hard things: Callings we have as a parent, callings in the church, callings in the community, processing the news of the day, our financial obligations, unexpected illnesses or accidents with our loved ones... it seems as if there is no end to the burdens life can dish out.

It's easy for me in the rough times, those moments where demands are piled so high and burdens are crushing, that I want so badly just to stay in bed and pull the covers tight over my head. Instead though, I'm compelled to pray and start my day with scriptures. Even if devotional time is short, it always helps me reset and recenter.

This last week has been hard mostly because of my calling in the church. I have been exhausting every last bit of energy I have to it and felt like I still wasn't doing enough. I worry and pray for so many people and feel like there's an endless number of homes I need to visit but I can't seem to get to them all, no matter how many appointments I make each week.

The hardest part is when I hear through the grapevine that someone in the Ward is disgruntled over services that were not extended to them and yet their need was never communicated until after the fact. These are often also those who also sap the energy of everyone around them, constantly storing up negativity and spewing out gossip. Such persons can be toxic.

I finally just set up an appointment with my Bishop on Wednesday night. I'm so glad I did. He shared empathetically with me some of his same frustrations and then gave some great counsel. He also gave me a much needed priesthood blessing of sustainment and encouragement. Tears rolled down my face as he spoke and my heavy heart was lifted. On Friday, he sent me this sweet text, "Thank you for all of the work, effort, and care that you give to the members of the ward. Know that I and your Heavenly Father see all that you do and you and your family will be blessed."

Amazing how a few words can carry me through! I firmly believe we are not meant to suffer through our struggles in silence but that we have friends, family, and inspired church leaders to help us along the way. Life can be hard, yes.... But it's a lot harder when you try to tackle it alone.

How do you know truth?

I'm preparing for my final this week. Taking this class on ancient Greek and Roman literature has been very interesting. Over the past three months, I've read The Iliad and The Odyssey both by Homer, The Aeneid by, Virgil, and The Nature of the Universe by, Lucretius. We also had to read some more modern articles published in the last decade by Philosophers.

 In order for my professor to get his doctorate, he did almost ten years of study and research in Philosophy. It's the same field of study Joseph's best friend, Ryan, entrenched himself in. My opinion is that it's best to tread cautiously in that area of study - it's a broad wide road, easy to get lost in. I feel like too much Philosophy is why Joseph's friend ended up leaving the church.

With some of the things my professor has said to our class, I can't help wonder if his faith is fading too. We all have trials of our faith and go through the seemingly "dark moments of our life" where we feel as if no Divine ear is listening.  My professor is a great guy, anyone can tell. And he has openly expressed that he doesn't know anymore if there really is a God. He'd like to believe there is but wonders how can anyone really know. He questions, maybe there is something after death, maybe there isn't? Maybe we just die and sleep an endless sleep?

I honestly can't say for certain if my professor was asking these questions just to stir up discussion or if his faith really has been rattled from all his secular learning? I can't say but if this is what he truly believes then it's heartbreaking for me to hear... especially at BYU.

We just finished reading Lucretius in our class. Lucretius believes that when we die, that's the end of it, no heaven - no hell, just a disbursement of all our physical atoms back into the earth and air. Anything that we can truly know must be felt through our physical senses somehow, otherwise it doesn't exist.  At the end of this book, our professor asked the class what the students thought of it. There was a long drawn-out silence. No one knew what to say.

Finally, I raised my hand in front of our 130+ class of students and said,
"I appreciate very much the things Lucretius taught concerning kindness, humanity, community, and his big push to abolish human arrogance and pride. However, one question I'd like to raise with ancient Lucretius and many modern Philosophers is this: They all talk about knowing through the five physical senses, that this is the way to understanding and truth. But I want to tell them that our souls are made up of the Spirit too, that part of us that has lived longer than our physical bodies, we can and must know things through the sixth sense, through our Spirit, through prophesy and revelation. Lucretius and others may question the existence of God because they have not personally seen Him, But what about those through time who have seen God, who have seen the Savior, who have spoken with Him face to face. Are we to say that it never happened because we weren't there to experience it for ourselves?"

My professor was respectful to my question, he didn't discredit it or argue, he just let it be there. He's always been good about letting everyone share no matter how different their opinion might be. But there wasn't much further discussion after my comment and he wrapped up the class pretty quickly.

All of this happened only yesterday in class so, it has been pretty fresh on my mind this morning.

In my Book of Mormon study today I've been reading through the first few chapters of Helaman. I noticed these lines in verses 11, 12, and 23 of Chapter 4: "[11]Now this great loss of the Nephites...would not have happened had it not been for their wickedness and abomination which was among them; yea and it was among those also who professed to belong to the church of God... [12]it was because of their... making a mock of that which was sacred, denying the spirit of prophecy and of revelation...[23]the church had begun to dwindle: and they began to disbelieve in the spirit of prophecy and in the spirit of revelation."

The timing for reading this could not have been more perfect! I don't think it's a coincidence. I cannot emphasize enough what a blessing it is to open the scriptures and receive truth, to have this affirmed to my mind the importance of seeking the Spirit, no matter how strange that may seem to some. I'm grateful for the privilege it is to have this Gospel in my life!

On that same note, I'm so proud of my husband for being able to stay strong, even though his best friend has been trying to do everything he can to "enlighten" Joseph and "save him" from our "foolish traditions". I know it's because Joseph makes an effort every single day to study the scriptures, to pray and seek the spirit, to write his impressions as he studies, that Joseph has been able to not only withstand these attacks from his old friend, but remain civil, treating his old friend with genuine respect - all the while remaining steadfast and unshakable in his own personal testimony.

November 2018

"Did you take these with your Fisher Price camera, Alicia?"

Well yes... It appears so...

I must say though that blurry pictures are better than no pictures at all.

Micah and his friend, Bauer Pahl.

Painting at Alexa's work in Draper

Dad proudly holding one of Alexa's paintings.

Front: Kaylee, Amillia, Miriam, and Micah
Back: Conner, Chandler, Alexa, Dad, and Joseph  

Me and Alexa at her work, Painter's Palette, in Daybreak

Me and my girl!

Conner and Alexa <3

Trying a new way of decoration. Painting the windows with acrylic. I had so much fun with this!

Daddy-daughter date @ Joseph's work. The kids love the fall when they can get a hot chocolate
and stroll down the parkway in the Riverwoods.

Most of the school year, I've been taking Micah with me to my class. But this week I took Kaylee.
Afterward, she wanted to spend some time reliving old memories of when I used to take her and the other kids to visit dad. So we took a walk over to the Eyring building and got a picture up by the telescopes and planetarium. 

When we'd visit Joseph at BYU when he was studying Physics and Astronomy, the kids always loved to play on this ledge in the Eyring building. I would often look out the windows here daydreaming about the time I'd get my chance at BYU. Now I'm living my dream! I love that the kids have so many happy memories on campus here. 

Kaylee in the stairwell of the Eyring Building.

I saved up some money and surprised my family with a spontaneous date of an overnighter at a nice hotel.

Micah, Me, Miriam, and Millie

Me, Millie, and Micah

Miriam and Millie

Kaylee, just chillin'.

Chandler didn't feel like swimming so Joseph stayed out to keep him company.
They had some good conversations though. I've got some really wonderful men in my life! Love these guys!

We helped my dad with some yard work, went out to lunch, and then went back to his house to show him Wreck-it Ralph so he would be prepared to watch the sequel, Ralph Breaks the Internet, when it came to Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving with the Nimers and my Dad

Thanksgiving with the Nimers and my Dad

My dad, Joseph, and the turkey I roasted. By the way, the turkey turned out super moist and flavorful. I was very pleased since this was my first ever! I think the secret is the brine.

Cory, Suzanne, and Kaylee

Happy little Amillia and Me

I couldn't help take some snap shots of Millie's hair-do. This particular morning was our therapy session appointment. Kaylee came with as part of the treatment. Amillia was so excited to do her own hair like a big girl and show her therapist how beautiful it was. Her therapist lavished her with praise in her cosmetology skills.  So adorable!

We finally got family photos with all five kids!

I loved how spontaneously we had these pictures taken. We didn't make any outfit purchases for this. I approached it all very casually and just let the kids pick a shirt out of what they already owned... this way seriously took all the stress out of it. It was awesome!!

 We got basic 8x10 photos of each of the photos below and one additional 10x13 of the whole family picture all for the total price of $35. Another score!!

But what makes me happiest, is to look at these pictures and know that I have a very, very good life. I can't think of anything that matters more to me than being with these six wonderful people. I am richly, richly blessed. Nothing matters more!