Plans to move our foster daughter to a new home have been in the works for almost a month. It isn't something I ever imagined we would do as foster parents but we knew it would be for the better. My oldest son couldn't handle her anymore and with each passing day he would act out with more frustration and anger towards her, causing her to have more frequent and more intense violent meltdowns. My husband had also completely shut off to her and my three younger children were showing signs of burn-out too.
One night, during a regular episode of one of my foster daughter's screaming and thrashing fits, I pulled my foster son aside and explained to him how his sister needed a better place, a fresh start --she needed it... and we needed it. Surprisingly, he understood.
As he contemplated longer about his sister moving, his expression changed to worry and fear. He asked if he would have to move too. I replied that I didn't know. I told him how I didn't want him to go with her and I was checking with the State to see if he could stay at our place even though we had requested her removal. I guess I should have known from training that DCFS rarely ever splits sibling groups but I figured in our case they might make an exception.
Originally, they were going to move both children an hour-and-a-half south of us but I felt absolutely horrible about a move that far. It would have completely ruined my foster son! Several phone calls, texts, and emails later, I convinced DCFS to consider placing them with a family who live in the same ward as us. I explained that they were just a couple of days away from finalizing everything they needed for their foster care license and that this particular family had originally planned on taking the children long before we ever lived in the area. They are really close friends with the former foster parents and even rent their basement to them.
Moving foster children can be terribly traumatic and can create tons more attachment issues down the road. But I knew that these children had the chance of maintaining some sort of familiarity if I could keep them close. Plus, living only a few houses away would make it much easier to support and help the new foster family. All around it would be better.
When we finally made the move one week ago, It was the craziest sight to see: The former foster parents came up from their basement apartment to visit with the new foster parents above them -- and there we were too (the foster parents in-between). We all sat in the living room as the children played. How rarely does this ever happen! Three couples, completely unrelated, all with the experience of fostering the same two children in the same neighborhood. What a blessing for these kids!
The Lord is watching over and looking out for these children and has created so many miracles on their behalf. The following morning I opened my email and found message after message from my foster's son first night in his new home. He said he missed me terribly and that he couldn't sleep. It broke my heart!! I responded by telling him that since we live close, he could come over any time to visit.
Last night, I stopped by their new place with bags of homemade kale chips for the kids. Both fosters really loved it when I made those. My foster son ran to the door and gave me a big hug but my foster daughter was already in bed. They seem to be very happy where they are.
I keep trying to convince myself that we did the right thing but sometimes I wonder. My heart aches. We plan to receive a new placement soon and hope this time the children will blend together better with our own.
This morning I woke up feeling horribly depressed, like a complete failure. I opened my email and found another message from my foster son that he sent last night. I'm glad that I can still be part of his life.
As he contemplated longer about his sister moving, his expression changed to worry and fear. He asked if he would have to move too. I replied that I didn't know. I told him how I didn't want him to go with her and I was checking with the State to see if he could stay at our place even though we had requested her removal. I guess I should have known from training that DCFS rarely ever splits sibling groups but I figured in our case they might make an exception.
Originally, they were going to move both children an hour-and-a-half south of us but I felt absolutely horrible about a move that far. It would have completely ruined my foster son! Several phone calls, texts, and emails later, I convinced DCFS to consider placing them with a family who live in the same ward as us. I explained that they were just a couple of days away from finalizing everything they needed for their foster care license and that this particular family had originally planned on taking the children long before we ever lived in the area. They are really close friends with the former foster parents and even rent their basement to them.
Moving foster children can be terribly traumatic and can create tons more attachment issues down the road. But I knew that these children had the chance of maintaining some sort of familiarity if I could keep them close. Plus, living only a few houses away would make it much easier to support and help the new foster family. All around it would be better.
When we finally made the move one week ago, It was the craziest sight to see: The former foster parents came up from their basement apartment to visit with the new foster parents above them -- and there we were too (the foster parents in-between). We all sat in the living room as the children played. How rarely does this ever happen! Three couples, completely unrelated, all with the experience of fostering the same two children in the same neighborhood. What a blessing for these kids!
The Lord is watching over and looking out for these children and has created so many miracles on their behalf. The following morning I opened my email and found message after message from my foster's son first night in his new home. He said he missed me terribly and that he couldn't sleep. It broke my heart!! I responded by telling him that since we live close, he could come over any time to visit.
I keep trying to convince myself that we did the right thing but sometimes I wonder. My heart aches. We plan to receive a new placement soon and hope this time the children will blend together better with our own.
This morning I woke up feeling horribly depressed, like a complete failure. I opened my email and found another message from my foster son that he sent last night. I'm glad that I can still be part of his life.
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| When my foster son moved in with us, I bought him a stuffed fox. He slept with that fox every night and said he loved it because it smelled like me. Foxes now remind him of me and he tells me that they're his new favorite animal. He even changed his profile to a fox. (see, in the upper left corner). So heartbreaking! |
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