Hang In There

It's that dazed feeling, the numbing sensation a boxer gets after one too many punches in the face as he sways and stumbles, struggling to keep himself upright. Thoughts of "What am I doing here?" and "I hope I make it out alive." race through his brain as he squints through the sweat and tears of his swollen eyes.

Life can feel like that sometimes... like one big nasty fight.

He's scared. He's tired of being in the ring. Sometimes he cries. Sometimes he punches back... but most of the time, he doesn't even feel like he belongs in his own body.

He has learned to trust me...  and though I can't save him from the fight of his life, he keeps looking to me as someone who has the power to do something.

He likes to come up to me and give me a hug at least seven or eight times a day. I guess that's good (even though it can be a little excessive).  I'm just happy he feels comfortable with me now.  It's a huge leap forward compared to when he first moved in with us three months ago,  Then, he would hardly ever make eye contact.

Tonight, he told me he loved me for the very first time. He hugged me tighter and tighter until he was lifting me off the ground.  (He likes the fact that he's ten years old and can pick me up.) Plus, carrying me was his way of trying to be playful in order to cover up the thoughts that worried him.

Today was a rough day and I knew it.  No matter how he tried, he couldn't hide his emotions. Finally he blurted out, "I miss my mom so bad," as tears streamed down his face and onto my arms. I hugged him back and patted his head, encouraging him to hang in there. Every single week, the few days after he visits his mom are always tough for him. It must be terribly confusing seeing her but not being able to stay with her.

He really is a sweet boy.  I know that when he acts out in anger, he's really just scared. (I need to remind myself of that in the moment.)  He's tired of this fight.  My heart goes out to him. He asked if I would pray for his family to be together again.  I told him I would.  I also said that no matter what happens in the future to always remember he has me as a friend to turn to.

That made him smile.