From Comfort to Joy

Summer Semester began yesterday.  I'm taking two classes; one religion and one finance.

As I walked into Sister Platt's 122 Book of Mormon class yesterday morning, I instantly felt the Spirit spread salving peace through the fractured corners of my heart.  A sense of gratitude sparked within me.  I smiled proudly to myself for making the decision to register for her class.  Jennifer is a friend of mine and has played a key role in helping me discover my mission.  I needed to be there yesterday but the need reached far beyond the necessity for college credit.  The need was thirst-driven... and I knew, here, I would drink from the living waters of Truth.

Class started with a prayer and a hymn and then our discussion for the day focused on Alma 30 - 34 (the later half being some of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon.)  I admit that given this reading and writing assignment, I assumed a verse somewhere in chapters 32-34  would catch my focus the most.  (After all, they have been the ones I've favored a great deal through the years.)  Instead, I gravitated to a few verses in Alma 31.

Alma prays, "O Lord, wilt thou give me strength, that I may bear with mine infirmities.  For I am infirm... O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ" (Alma 31:30, 31.) Those five words struck me, "comfort my soul in Christ."  Alma repeats them in verse 32 as he is pleading and pouring his heart out in prayer.  I asked myself what it truly means to have one's soul comforted in Christ, especially in the midst of such sorrow.  I followed the footnote to John 16:33 where it speaks of peace that only the Lord can give.  The image of Christ calming the storm flashed in my mind.  Only a couple of people know of the tempest that has been crashing upon my soul this last week.  Self-doubt has been the main demon haunting me and causing me to question my own ability to be sensitive to revelation or to recognize the whisperings of the spirit.  Self-criticism has left me dizzy and sore, as I've allowed myself to be battered around in the whirl of its ugly cyclone.  Alma's prayer was familiar to me.  These were my words, this was my cry!

As I continued reading and relating to the emotions so beautifully illustrated in these verses, I noticed a turning point for Alma, a "shift of focus" if you will.  In verse 32 he begins to pray for his brethren, praying for their comfort, praying for them to be strengthened in the afflictions they were facing.  In verse 36, he acts on the compassion stirring within him by giving them a priesthood blessing.  After which "they did separate themselves one from another, taking no thought for themselves what they should eat, or what they should drink, or what they should put on." (vs. 37)  This was the shift: they "took no thought of themselves." And it says in verse 38, that in doing so, they not only had the desired comfort, but "were swallowed up in the joy of Christ." They had joy!

My self-doubt, my self-criticism, my sorrows have been my snare.  They have turned me inward, causing me to focus on myself, licking my wounds.  As I read, I desired to have a "shift of focus" like Alma, to "take no thought of [myself]" and not only find peace in the midst of my "storms" but to progress from comfort to joy, "being swallowed up in... Christ."  It caused me to ask, "Which of my brothers or sisters are in need of comfort?  What service can I render to break free of my selfishness?"  I so desperately want this this peace that Alma felt, and I want it turned into joy!  Alma was given this "because he prayed in faith." (vs. 38)  I know that as I sincerely turn my heart, as I pray and act to be a strength in behalf of others, to help them in their afflictions, I will follow the pattern of Christ and find this joy I seek.

It's a beautiful thing.

-Alicia