What’s
On the Label?
Several years ago, my
second child went through a “creative” stage where she would rustle
through the pantry tearing off labels from cans and replacing them with “her
own labels” constructed from crayon-scribbled typing paper. I thought her
entertainment was adorably amusing until I found myself in a situation where I
actually needed what was in those cans: after opening four various types
of beans, I finally found the stewed tomatoes. We use food and manufacture
labels every day, and we’ve come to rely very heavily on them, because we anticipate
these labels will give us accurate information about the contents and quality
of the items we are presented with. We use labels with people, too; some reveal
the true content and quality of another person, which can foster charitable
actions, connectivity, and good feelings, while other labels can falsely twist
our view of people--breeding hurt, anger, bitterness, unnecessary pain, and
divisiveness. In order for the atmosphere of belonging and community to
thrive at BYU, it is vital that we seek out and choose labels with integrity
rather than distortion, labels that connect instead of labels that divide.
I never heard the term
“Utah Mormon” so much until just over eight years ago when I moved from West
Jordan to Provo for my husband and me to attend school. I’ve discovered one of
the most common questions living in an international university community is,
“Where are you from?” When I respond proudly with, “I grew up in Utah, born and
raised,” there is often an uncomfortable silence--though it may be brief--and I
can almost hear the unspoken reaction, “Oh, you’re one of those.”
For the longest time, I
struggled to understand what “one of those” meant as the term “Utah Mormon”
showed up in more conversations, stamping all who were raised here like they
had some kind of quarantined disease. It has forced me to ask, “Why, among
people of my own faith, does this label cause a person to instantly lose
credibility?” I discovered this is a very negative reference created to
describe people who have been terribly sheltered, have no sense of diversity, who
live in a bubble, and are perfectionists stuck in a rut of weird culture that
they self-righteously impose on everyone around them. They insist on
perpetuating traditions merely to appease the expectations of their
parents, and their parent’s parents--all the way back to their first
pioneers who initially settled here, for surely their family must be Mormons
for generations and have no clue what it’s like to be or live anywhere else.
(Never mind the fact that my mom is a convert from Wisconsin and my dad’s mom
is a convert from North Carolina.)
Even though categorizing
those who are born and raised here under these sweeping generalizations proves
to be narrow-minded and prejudice, I really don’t believe that the majority of
those who use the “Utah Mormon” label do it with malicious intent. Maybe they
honestly feel it truthfully fits? Possibly, they’ve witnessed a sad experience
where Mormons from Utah purposefully withheld their kindness or
neighborliness to another when they didn’t measure up to their valued
life-standards: like the young man who returned home early from a mission (or
who didn’t serve one at all), the single mother who has been married and
divorced three times, the gay couple next-door, the family across the street
who likes Obama, Hillary, and all things Democrat, or the guy who smells like
cigarettes and has tattoos up and down his arm.
Though I’m sure
self-righteousness of this nature exists, I theorize that it’s not fair to
label such rejection problems as a Utah thing; I believe it’s a human thing and
that in any given community where there is a popular majority or practice of
culture, there will be people who ostracize or needlessly fear the ones who are
different or who go against the grain. And before I cast a stone at those
people, conscience reminds me that, as a mom, I too struggle when my
teenagers “go against the grain”: Unconditional love is so much easier in
theory than in practice.
Nevertheless, it’s a
theory we must practice, and we must never quit! We must try over and
over again, day after day, to love and look for the good in everyone, no
matter how different they are from us, no matter where they’re from, what they
believe or don’t believe, what they’ve done or haven’t done; This is “the good
fight” Paul talks about in 1st Timothy1. We shouldn’t war among each
other.
As members of the Church and as students at
BYU, one of our most important battles is to push back the conversations that
breed contention, discord, and divisiveness. We do this by fighting with
all our might to “implore the better angels of our nature”2 and preserve
the love Jesus Christ exemplified; His love endures forever and never throws in
the towel on anyone. Just as there came a time when I needed what was in those
cans from my pantry, I believe there comes a time in every life that we realize
we need each other with all our various “ingredients”. The Book of
Genesis teaches, “It is not good for man [or woman] to be alone.”3
We are all “children of the day”4, children of our Father in Heaven,
brothers and sisters; we are one big massive family! I believe this means each
of us are divinely wired with a desire to belong, to fit in, to feel loved and
accepted.
I recall the 1980’s T.V.
theme song from Cheers: “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your
name and they’re always glad you came.”5 This is true no matter
where we live; we all need community and connection. Thankfully, all
belong with God. Joseph Smith taught this hopeful message, “…While one
portion of the human race is judging and condemning the other without mercy,
the Great Parent of the universe looks upon the whole of the human family with
a fatherly care and paternal regard; He views them as His offspring, and
without any of those contracted feelings that influence the children of men…”6
Unfortunately, living
among the influence of this world, we feed and grow these “contracted feelings”
especially when we move away from the core truths of who we really are inside:
We are a family, first and foremost--eternal brothers and sisters! Most of us
have a sibling or two who have chosen a different path than that of our parents
or ourselves, but we still find a way to include them in family dinners,
birthdays, special occasions, conversations, visits, and phone calls. This is
what family is! There is no reason for any members to feel as if they don’t
have a home, and we must do everything we can to let them know they are loved,
without adopting their way of life or expecting them to adopt ours.
All of my siblings have
chosen a different path than I chose. They all left the church around twenty
years ago: they all drink, they all smoke, they all have tattoos, one lived an
alternative lifestyle with her girlfriend, and two of my three siblings don’t
believe in God anymore. Have I rejected them? Heck, no!!! (And yes, I use the
good old “Utah Mormon” word “heck” proudly!) I would give everything I own to
keep my brothers and sisters in my life! I need them. They are my friends.
I certainly needed my
older brother’s knowhow and mechanic expertise when the starter in my car blew
out. I’ll never forget how he stayed up late in my driveway tirelessly helping
me after he already had a grueling long day at work. In turn, he needed me when
he injured his leg doing construction and was stuck in bed for a couple weeks;
I brought him his favorite meal, Poppy-seed Chicken Casserole, and a plate of
heart-shaped sugar cookies.
I need my sister’s
example of gentleness and love to the weak and elderly. She’s been employed as
a recreational therapist in a care center for the past two-and-a-half decades.
I’ll never forget the first time I witnessed her so intently impart her love to
one of the patients. He was paralyzed from the neck down, his hands clenched in
tight fists, his body twisted; drool and crusted-food surrounded his mouth, and
the smell of urine made him unpleasant to stand next to. Yet, I was in awe as I
watched my sister chat with him like a dear friend. When their visit was over,
she cradled his head in her hand and kissed him gently on the forehead. He
bubbled over with joy because she treated him with so much dignity. My sister
needed me when she became terribly depressed after escaping another abusive
relationship. I was a shoulder for her to cry on, and I was there to remind her
that her life was worth living, that she was valuable beyond measure, and that
she was loved.
I needed my younger
brother to call me for an hour on my birthday just to remind me that I am
dearly loved and that he thinks of me often. And he needed me to call him after
he found out his wife was pregnant with her second child and he was dealing
with all the doubt, fear, pressure, and anxiety that comes to a father who
works 50 to 60 hours a week because he wants so desperately to provide
comfortable living for his children.
With my siblings, I
strive to remember that we need each other because we are family. I have high
standards, yes, and I never intend to compromise my faith that the Church is
true and the principles taught in the scriptures and by apostles are also true.
I never intend to change my lifestyle or spiritual commitments to the Gospel.
Keeping this in mind, one of the sweetest truths I’ve come to know in this
church is the worth of the soul. Worth is not the same as worthiness. (There is
danger when we confuse these two.) Our worth never changes or fluctuates based
off of what we say or do or don’t say or do. My husband and I created a mission
statement with several affirmations that we repeat weekly in our home with our
children. One of those affirmations states, “We choose to look for the good in
others and in ourselves ALWAYS remembering ‘the worth of souls is great in the
sight of God.’7” The Book of Mormon teaches that we “shall not
forbid any man from coming unto you when ye shall meet together, but suffer
them that they may come unto you and forbid them not; But ye shall pray for
them, and shall not cast them out.”8
If there’s anything that
should be cast out or that shouldn’t “fit in”, it’s the hurtful labels, the
beam in our own eye. Stop the nitpicking and judging on both sides of the
spectrum. No one likes to be labeled a failure or lose credibility due to a
prejudice or bias. I honestly and deeply believe we find what we look for.... and
what we discover reflects more on who we are than who the other person is.
President Hinckley wisely taught, “When we look for the worst in anyone, we
will find it. But if we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow
until it sparkles.”9 All of us have something good to offer if we
will just learn to appreciate it and cultivate it. We need what is deep
inside each other, the light we ALL were born with.
Works Cited
(1) The Apostle Paul - 1 Timothy 6:12 (2)
Abraham Lincoln – His First Inaugural Address (3) The Lord God -
Genesis 2:18 (4) The Apostle Paul - 1 Thessalonians 5:5 (5)
Theme song from 1980’s television sitcom Cheers - written by Gary Portnoy and
Judy Hart Angelo (6) Joseph Smith - Times and Seasons, Apr. 15,
1842, p. 759 (7) Revelation to Joseph Smith - D&C 18:10 (8)
Jesus – 3 Nephi 18:22 (9) President Gordon B. Hinkley – Loyalty -April 2003 General Conference
Talk
No comments:
Post a Comment