“I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns. I find myself loving more intensely those whom I must love with all my heart and mind and strength, and loving them more, I find it easier to abide their counsel.”
- Spencer W. Kimball
Reflecting on General Conference today and yesterday, this is a quote that keeps coming to my mind. It seemed that most of the talks were centered on or frequently mentioned the importance of daily personal scripture study.
My husband has always been a great example to me of one who diligently studies the scriptures. Lately, he's been taking to heart Elder Nelson's counsel to study scriptures focused on Jesus Christ daily. As a result, he's been listening to the four gospels at work every day for the past several weeks.
I feel like I really could use some improvement in my personal prayers and scripture study, Though I don't think my problem is being casual. Scripture study and prayer are just part of my regular daily routine. But I feel as if I've been more blank, less feeling, with little to no absorption in my study lately, I've had more days than usual where I've felt depressed too so maybe that's part of it. I don't feel like I'm the same person I was six months ago. I feel like my experiences being a foster mom have been like a bomb dropped on me and I'm still reeling from the shock.
There's so much I need to improve on. Foster care is extremely humbling. Speaking of foster care... Another thing that stood out to me in conference today was when S. Mark Palmer said, "those who are the hardest to love are the ones who need love the most." This is my earnest prayer: to love when I don't feel like loving, to give when I don't feel like giving, to sacrifice when I have nothing left in me to sacrifice.
I'm so grateful for a wonderful conference weekend. And I'm grateful for every new day to keep trying and keep practicing. God is good.
-Alicia
2 comments:
Hi Alicia
You know, I loved this talk by Sister Mcconkie "The Beauty of Holiness". What stood out to me in this talk was this quote: Every moment of our lives, must be holiness to the Lord “When she said that, I thought how audacious. How in the world, can anyone, unless maybe you are a general authority, or a long time Temple worker, or a retired person, can maintain that status of "holiness to the Lord". I know at times, I feel far from "holiness", and I can only hang on the the "feet of the Savior", much less look him in the "eye" But she said something else" Our hope for holiness is centered in Christ, in his mercy and his grace. With faith in Jesus Christ and His atonement, we may become clean, without spot when we deny ourselves of ungodliness".
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/the-beauty-of-holiness?lang=eng
You mentioned twice for a need of improvement:
1. I feel like I really could use some improvement in my personal prayers and scripture study
2 There's so much I need to improve on
I understand where you are coming from. I struggle with just "paying attention" some days. There are days when I have my scriptures and I can just barely handle reading a chapter, a verse, even a phrase (truth). It is a struggle to push out all of the "noise". So I do my best to pray when I get up in the morning, and sometimes I listen to my own voice and I think, Wow Ramona, can you "warm that up a bit". I sound hollow. But then I feel the slightest whisper that the Father is listening, and he is eager to hear from me, so I push on. For me the question arises, and maybe for you, how much "stock" do I put in my relationship with Heavenly Father and his Son? Do I really trust him with my life, do I really believe. I have asked in prayer that the Father would allow me to "see" and be a part of the process.
I need some "physical verification" that he is aware of me and all of my faults, warts, ugliness, but also that he is aware of how hard I do try to do better, how I earnestly strive to "learn of Him" and his Son Jesus Christ. I go to him in prayer for even the most trivial. But you know I had a thought one day, and I was teasing my best friend, and I said: Do you think that the Savior "sweats the small stuff". She said yes, and I had the impression that no, the Savior did not sweat the small stuff. But he approached every situation in our lives in the same pattern. None of our problems, or life issues are small, they are not insurmountable either. He has given us a plan; he taught his disciples that we can move mountains, by this little seed of faith that grows into a big tree. If we shall say unto this mountain be thou removed and be cast into the sea, then it shall be done. And even if we say Lord I don't have the faith to move mountains, but if you can lead me around it, then thy will be done.
Alicia I know how hard it may seem to you, but I would say "glory in this battle, that the Lord has found you and your husband worthy to participate in", to quote a line from Hamilton the Musical “We are engaged in a battle for our very souls, and the souls of our children. You are a part of the process of "taking the gospel to the world" in your very home. You and your husband are gathering. I read the charge of Ephraim of whom most of us have descended from, the charge is to be instrumental in the gathering of Israel, the winding up so to speak of this "time" and to prepare for the return of the Savior. When I think of all of the hardships we face and endure, the mornings we can't get up, the scriptures we struggle to read even a verse, these are victories Alicia, victories and to God be the glory. I love you so much, and can't wait to see you. I hope we can at least share a heartfelt prayer.
Dear thoughtful Ramona,
You are so kind and good to take the time to encourage me. It really is a matter of trusting in the true Character of our Father in Heaven, trusting that He is incredibly patient and understanding and acknowledges our smallest sincere efforts.
I'm very excited to meet you face to face. You have been a ministering angel to me in my life. Thank you!
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