June 1st to August 31st

For three summers in a row we've read the entire Book of Mormon as a ward family from June 1st to August 31st.

This year, I'm not in the same ward but I'm in the same Stake and still love the idea of reading  together. A couple months ago, I purchased a fresh new Book of Mormon solely for this purpose. My plan is to read it in search of a Christlike principle in my life, I want to improve on. I know exactly where I want to start!

The first line in our family mission statement is, "We are a family of sincere listeners." In all honesty, I feel like a terrible listener, which makes our family statement sort of interesting to me. I think wrote that line in there because it's something I can always improve on.

As I search and study the Book of Mormon these next three months, I'm specifically focusing on formulas and patterns describing righteous listening. Today, I started with just the introduction, witness testimonies, and title page of the Book of Mormon -  I found some great patterns! Most of all, I love the peace and clarity of thought that pour into my life from studying this way. What a blessing this Gospel is!

-Alicia

"It's not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete."

“The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes

is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete.

They make one story become the only story.”

- Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Imagine a courtroom where the judge and jury were only given one story to come to their conclusions, to make their ruling. It could never be a fair trial! In order for the court system to work properly, the purpose is to provide many witnesses and cross examinations to make a good case.

Everyone wants a complete and fair trial. The quote I used at the beginning of this post is taken from a really wonderful Ted Talk I watched in my writing class on Monday.  I've been thinking about it all week, thinking about how we unintentionally get the wrong idea of cultures, nations, families, neighbors, and even individuals from hearing only one side of the story.  

Hearing only one side of the story can lead us to assume the best or the worst in others; We might almost worship another human being or completely despise them without ever having met them or from only hearing a single story about them.  Some examples of single stories that come to my mind are the following:

1. A single story happens when a child comes home from school and tells their parents how awful their teacher is.  If the parent's never take the time to go to the school to meet the teacher, the view the parents form about the teacher is all based on one individual's story.
2. A single story happens when a person has formed an opinion about a religion based off how it was portrayed in a TV sitcom or Broadway show.
3. A single story may be formed from the appearance or location of others before we've had a chance to let them speak for themselves.  (A Scripture example: When King Limhi, in the Book of Mormon detains Ammon and almost has him killed, before he came to know Ammon's full story.  When King Limhi realized the full story, his mood and perception changed dramatically. [-Mosiah 7])
4. A single story can happen with our ancestors, people who've passed away, or historical figures. Even they even fall victim to tall-tales when a single story told over and over through time, makes them out to be gods or devils, instead of human.

These are just a few examples...

Come to think of it... as I write this... even my blog is only a single story that I'm telling of my life. Would perceptions change if I had my children, my husband, my friends, or my parents tell the stories of my life on here from their view?  

I really felt this Ted Talk was extremely worth the time it took to watch it. Chimamanda does such a fantastic job of illustrating the danger of a single story. It compels me to slow down and do some research before I form my own judgments and opinions of others.... and never let one story become the only story.

-Alicia

The Best Listener - Ponderize - Week 40

I get after my kids for ignoring me when I've asked them to do something for the tenth time.  It just baffles me how often I have to repeat myself before I get any kind of response and I wonder where on earth they've learned such a frustrating habit!

A week ago in church, I met a friend in the hall and we began talking.  Shortly into the conversation I felt tugging on the entire right side of my body.  I didn't even look down to see what it was but just continued conversing.  Ever so slightly in the background I began to hear a voice that sounded like my youngest daughter.  "Mom! Mom!" She tugged some more.  She must have called me at least ten times before I even acknowledged her.  I looked down and responded with surprise, "Oh, hi Kaylee!"
Disappointingly she stated, "Mom, I've been standing here and talking to you but you wouldn't listen."
"Oh, hun, I'm so sorry.  I was talking to my friend and I honestly didn't hear you. What was it you've been trying to tell me?"
"I just wanted to say 'hi'."
"Hi sweetie!  That was so nice of you to say hello on your way to class.  Thank you!"
She hugged me and then ran off happy.

After she left, I wondered at how I have gotten so incredibly good at tuning out my children.  I think it starts when they are young and grows even more when they become teenagers.

I've spent a lot of time and practice learning to tune out fighting, whining, screaming, and the works (you know "the works").  I'm completely convinced this skill is a necessary virtue parents learn to develop in order to keep their sanity.  But in the process of learning to tune out the negative, I often find myself tuning out positive encounters too (as exemplified in my experience with Kaylee.)

This isn't just with my kids though, I've practiced it so much at home that sometimes I catch myself doing the same thing in conversations with adult friends.  It's like I zone out into auto pilot and my body is present but my consciousness has left the building.  The worst is when I finally come to myself and realize I've just been asked a question.  I feel exactly like Emmet from the Lego Movie when he responds to Wildstyle, "I think I got it.. but just in case, tell me the whole thing again, I wasn't listening."

Yeah... I'll be the first to admit that I'm really not the best listener.  I'm working on it though... slowly but surely.  I've decided that maybe the verse I ponderize this week can help me in the process.

 "Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak...." - James 1:19

It's true I need a lot of improvement in this area.  I'm really not the best at it...  but here's the good news: I know Someone Who IS the Best Listener!! Jeremiah 29:12, Psalms 5:3, Psalms 116:1,2, Psalms 18:6

-Alicia

The Gift of Listening

Once, I heard it said that when others listen to us it stirs creativity in our minds and hearts and inspires us to soar to greater heights.  I know I heard this somewhere and I should have written it down because I've searched and searched for the exact quote but can't find it now.  But in the process of searching, I found some other quotes that follow along the same line.

How grateful I am for those who listen!  I don't think they realize how much it motivates me just knowing that my voice is heard. It gives my words a destination, a place to rest, to belong to, and be held... instead of floating aimlessly in space.

These three quotes express this sentiment more clearly than I could on my own:

"What we call poetry does not simply set the heart free spontaneously, emerging when one is overwhelmed.  A simple recitation of a song when one is deeply moved does not make one cheerful, and does not bring sufficient satisfaction to that person.  Therefore, one finds consolation by making others listen to his song.  When others listen and they are moved, then one's heart brightens up considerably.... When we enquire about the origins of poetry, we see that it is crucial for poetry to have someone listen to and be moved by it.  The original nature of poetry is to provide words with patterns and to make them last long with the voice... There is no better way for someone to cheer up than by knowing that others have listened to his poem and have been moved by it.  If the listener is not moved, one's heart will hardly be set free." -  Norinaga Motoori

“When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life...It makes people happy and free when they are listened to." ― Brenda Uelande

"Writers are listeners as well as observers – not just to their own souls and the heartbeat of the world, but to the souls of others as well.  Listen to the world, and it will listen back." - Susan Hodgetts

To those who read this: with all my heart, thank you for listening!!
Today, I will strive to be a better listener to everyone around me than I was yesterday.
-Alicia