The Miracle Factor

We know absolutely nothing about the process of adoption and the consultant we met with yesterday had only one hour to dump out as much information on us as she could before her next appointment.  Needless to say, when she finished, we were both a little overwhelmed.  I was clueless about how much legal work, time, research, and money is needed for adoption.  I looked at the stack of brochures, pamphlets, and business cards the consultant left us with and thought,  "It's certainly going to take a great deal of energy for us to slice through all this homework."

I think I'm still whirling in shock that my husband even agreed to this meeting.  For years he's been opposed to having more children and even more opposed to caring for someone else's.  I honestly don't know what has come over him, but I'll take it! :)

Last night we were discussing the cost and my husband expressed his concern for how long this process will take to scrape up all that is necessary.  I could sense the consultant's words were weighing heavy on him like an enormous boulder smashed right into the middle of our path.  I completely understood the feeling.  He told me that I might have to quit school but I disagreed.  I really think with just a couple of classes a year, my school won't be an issue.  Besides after this winter semester I will have enough credits to begin to apply for scholarships.  Then he said, "I'll tell you what, you make all the phone calls and gather the information on all the costs and we can sit down one evening and make a spreadsheet where we can visually compare our options."  I agreed and said that sounded just fine.  He paused for a moment then appended very sternly, "But Alicia... You have got to understand that as we lay this out in our budget and do the math we cannot write in one of the boxes 'miracle' as a factor.  A miracle just isn't something we can 'plan' for."

I sat there for a very long time in silence and remembered when we prayed in the temple shortly after we moved to BYU.  We had lived here for summer and fall semester when Joseph was laid off from his part-time job.  A few days into winter semester, he was offered a research job with his professor that equaled out to one-forth the income he had been receiving before we ever moved to BYU.  I didn't have a spreadsheet with me at the time but it didn't take much for me to do the math and see that there wasn't enough to go around no matter how hard we scraped.  I wrestled with the idea and prayed about our financial situation. I kept thinking, "If he takes this research job we will have nothing to live on.  There won't be enough to fill our needs." Then as my husband and I joined hands and I whispered a prayer for guidance, I envisioned myself with 5,000 people sitting at the feet of Christ (in Mark 8) staring at the few loaves of bread and fishes, I fiercely argued, "Lord, this doesn't add up!" I realized in that moment how ridiculous it seemed to "argue with the Lord."  Of course it didn't add up with the math I was doing... I had not included the miracle factor.

Shortly after that I was asked by our landlord to be the apartment manager for the duration of his mission with his wife.  This reduced our rent to $200 a month.  That was something I could have never foreseen.  But the majority of miracles we witnessed during that trial didn't come in the form of money but rather in the form of ability and capacity to make things work with what we had.  It came in the form of education, in the form of faith building and soul stretching.  We had been called to BYU.  We didn't know why or where or how everything was going to work out.  But we KNEW we were called to go.  I firmly believe President Monson's promise that "If we are on the Lord’s errand, we are entitled to the Lord’s help."

 If adopting a baby is something God is calling us to do, and I truly believe it is... then it will work out...  and yes, when we lay out all the boxes before our eyes, we can trust full-heartedly that there will be things we can't foresee.  Miracles must not only be factored in our equation but fully expected and central to our plans.  I believe this is one of the most valuable lessons we could ever learn in life:  To learn what our mission is and then jump in with both feet...  no fear.... just faith.

-Alicia