Clothed, Clothes, and Clothing

What is it about clothing that is so significant with God... and also with the Adversary?  
How is it used to teach us? 
What are some examples of the Lord's way and Satan's way?

It's as old as man on the earth.  When Adam and Eve discovered they were naked in the Garden of Eden,"they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons" (Genesis 3:7)  But interestingly, fig leaves irritate the skin with rashes and blisters (not exactly the kind of clothing I would prefer).

Contrast this with God's approach.  He was merciful to Adam and Eve and unto them "did... make coats of skins, and clothed them." (Genesis 3:21)...What kind of skin? Sheep skin.

In my scripture study this morning, I took note of scriptures that made reference to clothing, clothes or being clothed.  I find it very interesting, especially in these last days, to see  how it is used in these varying contexts.

In the Life of Christ

• Wrapped Him in swaddling clothes, and laid Him in a manger. (Luke 2:7)
• When Jesus entered Jerusalem on the colt, the people rejoiced at His coming and "spread their clothes in the way." (Luke 19:36)
• The Roman soldiers mocked Jesus and "They clothed Him with purple, and plaited a crown of thorns, and put it about His head." (Mark 15:17)
• After the death of Christ on the cross, the Savior's body was "wrapped in clean linen." (Matt 27:59)
• When the Savior comes again, those same twelve apostles who were with Him in his ministry will stand on His right hand "being clothed with robes of righteousness". (D&C 29:12)

Identity Crisis

• "The silks and the scarlets, and the fine-twined linen, and the precious clothing, and the harlots, are the desires of this great and abominable church." (1 Nephi 13:8)
• "They rob the poor because of their fine clothing; and they persecute the meek and the poor in heart, because in their pride they are puffed up." (2 Nephi 28:13)
• Alma rebukes the people and asks, "can ye be puffed up in the pride of your hearts; yea, will ye still persist in the wearing of costly apparel and setting your hearts upon the vain things of the world, upon your riches?" (Alma 5:53)
• Mormon laments many of the members of the church in the last days "save a few only who do not lift themselves up in the pride of their hearts, unto the wearing of very fine apparel". (Mormon 8:36)

True Beauty as Taught by Prophets

• To the meek, broken and heavy-hearted, the Lord has promised to clothe with "the garment of praise". (Isaiah 61:3)
• Peter testifies, "I have coveted no man's silver, or gold, or apparel". (Acts 20:33)
• Peter taught us to "be clothed with humility". (1 Peter 5:5)
• Paul taught that women are to "adorn themselves in modest apparel, with reverence, sobriety; not with broidered hair, or gold, or peals, or costly array". (1 Timothy 2:9)
• Paul also taught us to "be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God" (Ephesians 6:10,11)
• The revelation in D&C 88:125 teaches "Above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity".
• When Moses stood upon the mount and God showed him great visions, he "beheld the heavens open, and [he] was clothed upon with glory".
• Joseph F. Smith had a vision of missionary work in the Spirit world where the Lord "organized His forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority". (D&C 138:30)

After studying these things, I asked myself the following questions:

What is there to be learned from these scriptures, especially in today's fad culture? 

How do we apply this in our individual lives?  

What does Godly clothing look like, is it seen with spiritual or physical eyes, or both?  

How much worth do we place on either kind of clothing?  

How do we identify ourselves? 

Is it really truth we are dressed with... or is it actually "wolves in sheep's clothing"?

... Just some things I've been thinking about...

-Alicia
(Arise and Shine Forth)

"To Bless and Sanctify"

Yesterday in my personal studies, I read where the Savior administers the Sacrament to the Nephite people saying, "He that eateth this bread eateth of my body to his soul; and he that drinketh of this wine drinketh of my blood to his soul; and his soul shall never hunger nor thirst, but shall be filled."- (3 Nephi 20:8)

I find it interesting that the Savior's administering of the Sacrament (or sanctifying moment) happened after a purifying moment.  When several disciples expressed through prayer their deep desire for the Spirit, the Savior then offered a prayer in response, "Father, I thank thee that thou hast purified those whom I have, chosen because of their faith..." (3 Nephi 19:28)

To purify and to sanctify something sound almost the same but they are different.

To PURIFY means to remove the contaminants from, to make clean.
To SANCTIFY goes a step beyond that, beyond just being clean... it means to make it holy, acceptable before God.

In the sacrament prayer we hear these words, "We ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread [and this water]." (Moroni 4:3 & 5:2)

Do you ever think of how awesome it is that we can take an earthly element and ask the Lord to make it heavenly (holy and acceptable before Him)?  We ask Him to "bless and sanctify" it.  The brother of Jared took molten rocks before the Lord and prayed for Him to touch them and make them shine, to be acceptable light in their journey across the sea. (Ether 3:1-5)

Thinking of the sacrament... or (sanctifying moment)... what other things have you laid before the Lord and prayed for Him to "bless and sanctify":  Yourself, your mind & heart, your marriage, your family, your efforts in your calling, your friendships, your relationships... what else?

I believe when we do this, He will faithfully honor the request, for the Savior explained, "What man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?  If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matthew 7:9-11)

Whatever we lay before our Father in Heaven, when we ask Him to "bless and sanctify" it, we might ask these questions:

What will this sanctification look like in our lives?
What changes may occur because of it?
How long will the process be?
Will it be joyful or painful... or a mixture of both?
How will it stretch us?
What perspective will we keep as the Lord answers this request?

These insights are helpful to me.  I have prayed with all my heart for certain things to be "blessed and sanctified"... yet, I haven't always been ready for exactly "how" the Lord would do that.
Ultimately, I believe we have to keep the faith, that whatever we lay before before Him, it will be handled with the greatest care...  and He will work wonders with it!

-Alicia

A Preparatory Temple

I had the opportunity of attending both the 9:00 and the 3:00 dedication services of the Provo City Center Temple in March.  I took a notebook with me to write down my thoughts and impressions from all who spoke.

The talk that struck me the most during the 9:00 session was Elder Oaks.  He began his address referring to another Temple in our church history that had risen from the ashes, the Nauvoo Temple.  He spoke of it as being a preparatory temple for those pioneer saints to face the difficult journey ahead of them.  It had just been completed when the persecution against the Church grew so intense that they were forced to leave their beautiful Nauvoo.

In his talk Elder Oaks likened the Provo City Center to the Nauvoo Temple saying that it would also be a preparatory temple for the struggles we would face in these last days.  In order to press through the hardships and trials of our day, he encouraged us to re-dedicate our lives to the building of Zion.  He testified of the ability to access heavenly power by doing temple work for our ancestors and also learning their stories.

Along this principle of building up the kingdom of God and establishing Zion in such a contentious day and age, Elder Oaks quoted from Abraham Lincoln's first inaugural address, "Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature." (I especially loved that Elder Oaks quoted this because it was something I had just written about 2-and-a-half weeks prior to the dedication.)

He emphasized that this "union" would be bound by the "mystic chords of memory" the stories of our loved ones, our ancestors, those in our family who have passed away.  He promised that as we learn and share their stories of faith, their personal testimonies, their struggles, and their triumphs, we will be "touched... by the better angels of our nature."  This very simple act of turning and connecting to the faith our forefathers and foremothers will not only soften our hearts and help us connect, instill unity, and increase our affection for one another in our family... but also in our community.

This past year, I have studied the life and stories of my 3rd great grandfather, William Wall (on my dad's side) and my great aunt Sylvia (on my mom's side).  Their stories of faith have astonished me.  I had no idea the kinds of things they had to persevere and press through.  They were every bit as brave and valiant as the prophets of old.  A great spirit of reverence and respect has instilled upon my heart for these ancestors of mine.  Even more wonderful, is that through reading their records I have felt their presence very clearly in my life...
I have felt the presence of angels... Something I think we are ALL going to need... for what lies ahead. (2 Kings 6:16)

-Alicia

"Understand and Prepare" - Ponderize - Week 32

I've had some unbelievable experiences these past two years that are too sacred to share and too hard to explain, so I won't even attempt to.  Everything has felt so condensed, so concentrated, so rapid.... So much has happened in such a short period of time...
I have felt like the "windows of heaven" have been opened as a flood, pulling me in like a riptide that's washing me out to sea...
It has been so overwhelming that I just haven't had "room enough to receive it".

Being overwhelmed like this, from experiencing things of a spiritual nature, so powerfully, so consistently, so frequent, in such a short amount of time, sounds like a pleasant and comfortable thing right?  I mean, saying  you've had the "windows of heaven" opened to you, one would think that all of this has been a joyful experience... it has... but...
Let me tell you, some of it has been excruciatingly painful and terribly, terribly lonely...
The only ones who have known my whole complete story through it all, who know me so well, has been the Lord and my husband.
Yesterday, I was weighed down with this loneliness.  And I wondered if that's what Paul meant by "weight of glory"... to have miraculous things happen and not be able to really share them because of the sacredness of it... or the unbelief of others...
It is very, very heavy.

My husband gave me a beautiful priesthood blessing late last night and then held me tightly in his arms.  I just wept and wept.

This morning in my scripture studies, I was searching for a verse to "ponderize" for the week.  I've just finished reading about the Savior's visit to the Nephites where He pretty much teaches them the same thing He taught the people of Jerusalem in Matthew 5 - 7.  Can you imagine what a spiritual experience that must have been to have Christ, Himself, teach and bless you face to face??  I'm sure it was beautiful, miraculous, powerful, and very, very overwhelming.  Would that have been like "the windows of heaven" being opened without "room enough to receive it"?

I wonder how many people believed them when they went back to tell their friends about their experience... how many thought they were crazy?  Depending on the responses (or lack of response) I imagine those who testified felt joy one moment and extreme pain the next.
But regardless of who believes... you know that there's more... that the story isn't over... there is more yet to be revealed.  You know that someday you'll understand it all.
So you keep moving, you press on in faith, in confidence, and trust that what you've experienced is truly Divine... even if no one believes you... even if people think you're crazy... even if it's a terribly lonely, lonely way to go.
It doesn't matter...  you will be prepared for tomorrow.

"Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and ponder upon the things which I have said, and ask the Father in my name, that ye may understand, and prepare your minds for the morrow, and I come unto you again." - 3 Nephi 17:3

-Alicia

Removed

Yesterday in foster training, we watched this short video that shows what it is often like for a child to be removed from their biological parents and placed in the fostering system.  It was so profound and heart-wrenching for both us.  It only increases our desire to make a steady and loving place for one or two children in our home.

We showed it to our kids tonight for family counsel.  We asked them questions and discussed the possible things that would cause the girl in this film to lash out like she did on occasion.  The children shared some very insightful and compassionate answers.  It was a great discussion.  We plan to pass on as much training as we can for our kids before we become licenced in the next couple months.

ReMoved

"Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all... until something makes you feel again.  Then it all comes back, every word, every hurt, every moment.

How could you ever understand where I come from?

Even if you ask, even if you listen, you do not really hear or see or feel... you don't remember my story.  You haven't walked my path.  You haven't seen what I've seen.

My past defines me.  This is who I am. I am unseen, unheard, unwanted... that is what I am... if even I am anything.

It seemed like the same thing that held me up, forced me down.  The world turned upside-down and order disappeared.  Nothing was how it was supposed to be... and a heavy sadness filled my soul.

Deeper and deeper I fell within myself.  And nothing could draw me out.  Trapped in the misery of my life, lost in the sorrow of my soul, unable to see the light, unable to see the dawn... to feel, to hope, to dream.  And I found the darkest days of my life kept coming.  The blackest nights for my soul never stopped.  It seemed like it was always nighttime and nightmares and never morning.

 And maybe you wonder why... but mostly you try not to think about it... and try to get by... and try to survive.

And all the other stuff seems so much like nothing, compared to just wanting the most important things back again;
Like wishing you could see your mama smile again... and hear her sing that one favorite song that always calmed you down when things were all messed up.
Or if you couldn't have her back, at least get to take care of your baby brother, cause you know he needs you... and he's gonna be so scared all alone.  And who's going to hold his hand and whisper it will be alright to him?
And who will whisper it to me?

I know I am helpless, dependent, desperate... but what happens when those you need the most threaten your very existence?
I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same... but push hard enough and sooner or later, they all prove to be empty.

The sun comes up every morning... but do you know where?  Each place is somewhere different.
It's hard to find east when you keep moving around, but at least it comes.  It always comes.  I've come to depend on that.

And slowly, slowly seasons changed around me.... and it seemed, this time, that maybe the world would not be pulled out from under me again...
Feet safe, roots starting to grow... little buds of hope forming.... slowly attempting to trust this new life.

I wish someone would tell me it's going to be okay.  That one day, maybe, I'll feel normal... that I won't always be no-one... That I'll have a mommy who will hug me, who will be strong for me... because maybe, I can't do it all by myself...

This my past, my history, my story, is not my fault... it's not because of me and doesn't have to be what defines my future.

I am lovable.
I am worthy of care.
And that glimmer of light... it makes all the difference.  The glimmers of light give me hope... that someday my summer will come."

Healing From Trauma

We started our 34 hours of in-class training for foster care yesterday.  The instructor shared this video to illustrate how we all become hard-wired in different things.  She showed this to exemplify that what is easy to understand for ourselves is not necessarily easy for others to get.

Have you ever interacted with someone who has driven you absolutely crazy?  Did you walk away asking yourself questions like these?

Why do they communicate that way?
Why do they do it like that?
Why would they ever think that behavior is appropriate?
Why can't they understand?

To us, certain habits, social cues, religious practices, etc. may be as simple as "riding a bike"... but... to someone else who has experienced a different life growing up, especially one who has experienced something traumatic, it's a whole other ball game.

This video about the backwards bike was profound for me.  My mind was totally blown (you could see it on my face as I watched it for the first time).  It was a huge aha moment for me as the instructor related it to trying to understand our different worlds... especially the world of a trauma victim. Also, what it might be like for these children to understand my "simple solutions."

That's what all foster children have in common: Trauma.  She said trauma actually lives in their body even when it seems as if they are calm or conversing normal, their body has become accustomed to living at a heightened stress level and they could snap at any given moment.

She also showed this scene from "How to Train Your Dragon" (befriending a foe) to illustrate Dr. Bruce Perry's four P's for working with a child who has experienced trauma:

1. Be Present
2. Be Parallel
3. Be Predictable
4. Patient

This was my other aha moment.  I realized (knowing my own personality) that if I had been in Hiccup's situation with this dragon, I would have tried to be instant friends, jump right on the back of the beast, and fly happily away.
But it's not that simple.

It takes being present (let them know you're there but don't push your way in),
Being parallel (stepping into their world or trying to ride their "backwards bike"),
Being predictable (live consistently what you preach),
And be patient (let them come to you, on their own time, in their own way).

My husband and I are excited to learn these principles.  Doing foster care in order to adopt will be one of the best ways to teach us these four P's first hand.  We want to help the children placed with us to heal. to bring hope into their lives. We know it will be extremely difficult.  We will fall down.  We will get hurt.  We will have to make some serious adjustments and it may take us several months, maybe even years to feel like we've found our balance, but we can learn to ride a bike... even if it's backwards.

-Alicia

(Part 1 of 2 - Audio Book )
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

(Part 2 of 2 - Audio Book )
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Broken Things

At the time of Christ's crucifixion, the earth was broken in pieces.  "The rocks were rent in twain; they were broken up upon the face of the whole earth, insomuch that they were found in broken fragments, and in seams and in cracks, upon all the face of the land." (3 Nephi 8:18)
Was this a symbol of the Savior's broken body on the cross?
Was it a symbol of how we too must be broken?

The hearts of the people during that period had become so hardened from their wickedness that "Many great destructions [had the Lord] caused to come upon [the] land" (3 Nephi 9:12)
I believe it was an act of mercy.

In the darkness, the voice of Christ spoke to the people of Nephi calling for them to offer a "broken heart and a contrite spirit." (3 Nephi 9:20)

Why must our hearts be broken?
This morning, as I read these passages in 3 Nephi, I asked myself this question.  I remembered the words to a song I heard years ago by, Kenneth Cope:

Broken
(Words by Kenneth Cope; Music by Kenneth & Eliza Cope)
—inspired by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day
Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight
Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things
Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me
To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in
Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things
And yet, our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving
This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I’m convinced that God loves broken me
Praise His name—my God loves broken things
So, broken cloud—Give rain
And broken soil—Grow grain
And broken bread—Feed man for one more day
© 2004 Merge Right Music (BMI)

It all makes sense... this need we have to be broken.  It's beautiful!

And so, I rejoice that I can find hope in the midst of hurt.  There is purpose in the breaking... it's all part of "the making."

-Alicia

05-05-05 Throwback Thursday

My son, Micah, turned 11 today!  He was most excited to make his own cake all by himself.  

Isn't it beautiful!  It's very apocalyptic.  

(If you can't tell, that's an A-bomb with bloody soldiers and debris scattered everywhere.) 

 I searched..... and there are no survivors.

It's amazing how fast 11 years go by.  Oh, how I love this boy!

Micah had his best friend, Lex, spend the day with him.

"When you reach for the stars

Don’t forget who you are

And please don’t turn around and grow up way too fast

See the sand in my grasp

From the first to the last

Every grain becomes a memory of the past

Oh, life’s an hourglass"

- Mindy Gledhill

Chandler and Miriam meet Micah for the first time.

Not so long ago...  Freedom Festival 2006

Cutest guilty face ever!

This is probably my ultimate favorite picture of Micah.  

At age two, he always called trains "ho ho's". 

 I love his little hand on his hip as he points to the sound of the train behind him.

My face is red in this photo from trying not to laugh. 

 It's been so long, I don't remember what he said in his prayer, but it was so dang cute.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MICAH!
I love you to the moon and back.

XOXO

"With Utmost Assurance" - Ponderize - Week 31

This is the verse I came to in my studies this morning.  I appreciate the part about being cheerful and having an "utmost assurance" in the Lord.  

 "Cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power; and then may [you] stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for His arm to be revealed."

- D&C123:17 

 The encouraging word for today on my favorite Christian radio station was...  

"There is no risk of failure with God.  So why would I let worry paralyze me."

- (Psalms 62:2 The Passion Version)

I needed this.
-Alicia

The Voice of the Spirit

Yesterday, I spent quite a bit of time preparing for a lesson I'm giving Sunday.  In my studies, I kept falling back on this incredibly wonderful devotional given in 1993 at a BYU Devotional by President James E. Faust. It's far too long for me to share the entire thing in class so I've cut the audio into 18 small bites and stitched them back together to give a four-and-a-half minute summary.  I highly recommend making some time to go and listen to the full speech. It's excellent! 

"I Gotta Skate" - Throw-back Thursday

I'll never forget the look on my dad's face when he went flying into the air and landed hard on his back in our linoleum kitchen. 

He glared straight at me as he yelled, "What is all over this floor??!!"

Feeling the grease in his hands and lifting his fingers to his nose, he growled, "IS THIS BUTTER?! WHO THE HELL PUT BUTTER ALL OVER THIS FLOOR?!"

I knew the situation was bad.  

Dad always swore when he was mad. I was terribly disappointed he ruined my fun but I was way too scared to say anything.  There was no use hiding though, he knew it was me.  Timidly, I answered, "Um... well... I was making a skating rink."  

"A whaaat?!!" he looked at me with a ridiculous expression.

"A skating rink," I said a little louder. 

I thought in my mind, "And if you did it right, you wouldn't have biffed it like that." (Of course I never could have said it out loud.)

Honestly though, it was the coolest, most fun, idea my little 7yr.-old brain had ever come up with. I must have spread at least three full sticks of butter, maybe more, to get my skating rink nice and slippery.  I had a blast while it lasted.

Me, age 7.

Fast forward to when I would have children of my own.... 

I used my old childhood idea to give them something fun to do in the cold winter months.  Only with my kids, I didn't use butter.... I got smart and used soap.  We'd make the floor as slippery as we could, just thick with lather, and then drench the floor.  It was a total win/win because they had the time of their life with "indoor skating" and when they were done, I had a sparkling clean floor.  

Who says old dreams have to die?  When they're good, they find their way back around somehow. ;)
-Alicia

Slow down!

I have an impeccably clean driving record...
Or at least I did, until today.  I mean, really... who gets pulled over twice in less than 24 hours??  Apparently, I do.

 "Ma'am, why the rush?" the officer asked, as my kids hid their faces with embarrassment. My teenage son slapped his forehead and groaned, "Nice going mom. I told you like three seconds before this happened that you were going to get a ticket."
I think seeing the disappointment in my children's faces gave the officer pity and he let me go with a warning.

The second time didn't turn out as good.  Maybe it's because my children weren't with me to "smooth" things over.  I just made it down the hill when I saw the flashing lights appear in my rear-view mirror.  I thought to myself, "You've got to be kidding."

"Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Um, I didn't.  I had driven down that street a million times and I honestly didn't feel like I was going any faster than usual.  The chances for the second officer to let me go were slim because he could see in his reports that I had been pulled over just the day before.  I took the ticket feeling totally bummed and drove home.

"Why the rush, Alicia?"  It wasn't the first time someone had asked me that... or at least in words very similar.  The greeter/security guard at the local grocery store (who I swear looks just like Clarence, the angel, from It's a Wonderful Life) always says two things to me when I walk through the doors:  "It's so nice to see your smile again."  and "You are always in a hurry."  He notices it too.  I guess I do run in and out of there pretty fast.

Maybe my experience with being pulled over twice in a row is more than just a fluke to mess up my perfect little driving record.  Maybe it's meant to bring more clearly to my attention,"what lack I yet?"
I've pondered on this all day today and I keep having this strange mix playing in my head of President Uchtdorft's voice,"We would do well to slow down a bit" and Simon & Garfunkel,"Slow down, you're going to fast."

It really is the story of my life.  Perhaps it will be one of those things I will struggle to learn until my dying day...  Or maybe the ailments of age and tutors of experience will finally beat it into me?

Either way... I don't know.
But for now, step aside! I've got places to go, people to see, things to do, and lessons to learn! ;)

-Alicia

"He will direct thee for good" - Ponderize - Week 30

Here's the scripture we decided as a family to ponderize for the week:

"Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and He will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that He may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God." - Alma 37:37

Peace From Invulnerable Faith

“Two artists each painted a picture to illustrate his conception of rest. The first chose for his scene a still, lone lake among the far-off mountains. It was a serene and beautiful scene; yes, very calming, very restful to look at. But the second artist, on his canvas, wildly painted a thundering waterfall. You could almost hear the roaring of the water. But a closer look revealed a fragile birch tree bending over the mist of the roaring water. At the fork of the branch, wet with spray, there sat a robin on its nest.” -Henry Drummond

It is this second illustration that I find so intriguing and most easy to relate to:

This peace is something found in our Father in Heaven, in the sure knowledge of His power through Christ and the intimate involvement of Them in our lives manifested by the Spirit of God.  This peace grows like a seed through a myriad of our own experiences and trials of faith over a life-time.

The beauty is discovered when we realize that such peace is not the absence of struggle, tension, opposition, or pain... rather it is a perfect calm in the midst of all these things.  A perfect trust in our Father in Heaven that casts out any fear of what might or might not unfold tomorrow.  It comes from knowing one's own intentions and knowing their path is aligned with God's.  This peace is the fruit born out of those personal moments where we come to know for ourselves something of God's omnipotence, omniscience, and infinite love for us, where we come to know that He holds everything in His perfect hands.

It's strange how even in the midst of struggle or turmoil there is also a sense of joy, like a robin singing in its nest... not because everything is running smoothly or how we might expect it to, but because it is anchored in what really matters and trusts the Hand that governs such matters.

Through deep and regular prayer - day in and day out, through daily consistent and regular study of the scriptures, and through constant striving to apply God's word and seek His spirit, I have tasted of His love and awareness for me again, and again, and again.

This morning, I reviewed a few conference talks given a couple of weeks ago and feel as if this quote from Jeffery R. Holland is completely fitting for the subject of invulnerable faith:

"[God's] love is the foundation stone of eternity, and it should be the foundation stone of our daily life. Indeed it is only with that reassurance burning in our soul that we can have the confidence to keep trying to improve, keep seeking forgiveness for our sins, and keep extending that grace to our neighbor.

President George Q. Cannon once taught: “No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not His character [to do so]. … He will [always] stand by us. We may pass through the fiery furnace; we may pass through deep waters; but we shall not be consumed nor overwhelmed. We shall emerge from all these trials and difficulties the better and purer for them.” - Jeffrey R. Holland - Tomorrow the Lord will Do Wonders

As Henry Drummond so beautifully wrote, I also testify that "Rest... is the mind at leisure from itself.  It is the perfect poise of the soul; the absolute adjustment of the inward man to the stress of all outward things; the preparedness against every emergency; the stability of assured convictions; the eternal calm of an invulnerable faith; the repose of a heart set deep in God.  It is the mood of the man who says, with Browning, 'God's in His Heaven, all's well with the world.'"

And so... "Whatever tomorrow brings, together we'll rise and sing that we won't be shaken."

-Alicia :)
He Showed Me How

Highlights of April

Winter Semester is over and I'm happy to announce that to date I've completed a total of five classes at BYU.  I now have one A and four A-'s.  Woo hoo!!!  I've had a lot more to keep me busy besides finals though and I haven't had much time to put all my thoughts and experiences down.  I've been anxious to connect.  So, now that I have a moment, I'll record a few highlights from the month:

Kaylee-
If there is one day my children anticipate almost as much as Christmas, it's April 1st.  The night before the big "Fool's Day", Kaylee excitedly sat down next to me, cupped her hands around my ear, and began to whisper all the tricks she had planned.  (Now, I'm extremely ticklish and her breathy funneled whisper made me shudder.)  She giggled amusingly with each attempt and soon it all became a game of tickling mommy.
When that got old, she resumed telling me in a regular tone of voice about her plans.  Enthusiastically, she revealed that she wanted me to draw a scary monster and put it on the inside of the toilet seat lid so when someone had to use the bathroom, they'd get a "surprise."
I did my best to keep a straight face - her idea was just too cute. "Oh, that's a great idea honey!"
I paused and then suggested, "But, I think the monster would be better if it was one that you drew."
Thoughtfully she responded, "I guess I could draw a stick-figure monster."
"You bet! It will be awesome!"
 She walked away proudly but kept the rest of her sneaky plans to herself.  (I wish I would have taken a picture of the monster she drew.)
The next day, after Joseph went to work, she began to carry out her other "secret tricks".  She dutifully spent quite a while taping full sheets of paper in rows stretching across the hallway.  I asked her what it was and she explained, "It's a giant spider's web.  When dad gets back, he's going to walk around the corner and get stuck inside it."
"Cool!" I said.
Then she grabbed a grocery bag and stuffed it with one of our couch pillows.
"Will you help me tape this to the ceiling?"
"Sure, what is this supposed to be?"
"Oh, you'll find out."
5:00 rolled around and Joseph arrived home from work.  Kaylee took him by the hand, "Come here daddy."
Carefully she positioned him underneath the bag with the pillow. She examined the ceiling and looked back at daddy, "You need to sort-of kneel down a little bit.... yeah, right there."  Joseph played along and tried to act oblivious.
When he was right where she wanted him to be, she swung a big stick at the bag above, knocking the pillow down squarely onto his head.  He pretended to fall flat on his face and Kaylee reveled in her defeat, "Ha, ha! Fooled you!"

Micah -
Both of my sons are never eager for a haircut... That's why I was surprised when Micah came to me requesting one.  "Look mom!" He said, pointing to the images on the computer.  "I googled 'boy's hair cuts' and this is what it showed.... super short on the sides and flipped up in the front."
"Would you like me to cut your hair like that?"
"Yeah, this is called 'THE haircut' because it's what ALL the boys have."
"The haircut?" I asked.
"Yeah, 'THE haircut', that's the name of it because when I googled boy's haircuts, that's what it showed."
"Hmm, I've never heard of that before."
"Can you do it like this?"
"Sure, I'll give it a shot" I said.
I don't think I was able to make it look just like the pictures he was showing me but he didn't seem to notice.  He was thrilled!  "This is the best haircut I've ever had!"
I think my favorite part was hearing him singing in the shower as he cleaned up.

Miriam - 
We celebrated Miriam's 13th birthday this past week and she wanted to take her friends Grace and Lila kayaking at Utah Lake for her party.  It was pretty windy when we went which made it a little more adventurous with the waves.  Miriam fearlessly and speedily led us out to the middle of the lake.  By the time we made it back to the shore, we had blisters on our hands from rowing. No one seemed to mind though.  We all had a blast!!

Chandler -
We had a really great testimony meeting in church this month.  My jaw dropped when I saw Chandler get up to share.  He's gotten up when he's been assigned to but I don't recall him ever getting up to bear his testimony on his own initiative.  He spoke so maturely and encouraged everyone to follow the counsel of the prophets.  He bore testimony that President Thomas S. Monson has been called of God and that this is the true church centered on Jesus Christ.  I was so proud of him, when he was finished, I felt like jumping from my seat and shouting "AMEN!"  Of course, I reigned in my enthusiasm and just smiled about as big as a mother can smile.

Joseph-
Speaking of beautiful testimonies... my husband gave a wonderful one as well.  He spoke of redemption and hope through Christ.  I bawled the whole time he spoke because I know where he's been.  I know how dark it was for him.  It's miraculous to witness the Lord working in His life.  What a blessing!

-Alicia :)

"And You Took Me In" - Ponderize - Week 29

We met with our foster care recruiter tonight.  He was so cool!! He has two biological children and has adopted 15 kids through foster care.  It was great to hear what he had to share from his own experiences. My husband and I found his stories very encouraging and inspiring.

Next month, we can start what is called a marathon training where all the classes my husband and I need to take to be licenced as a foster family will be packed into training sessions into two Fridays and two Saturdays.  We also have a large stack of papers to fill out again but many of the questions are similar to our former packet... so, a little bit of copying and pasting will make it easy.

We've had a few family counsels about this subject in the last several weeks and the kids seem to be really comfortable with the idea.  This will take some serious open and honest communication in the days and months that lie ahead.  We really don't know what all of this will bring but we feel excited for the lessons and experiences that await us.

I'm really loving this scripture right now.  It's a perfect one to ponder for the week.  :)

"For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me." - Matt 25:35,36

-Alicia

To the Rescue

My husband has been sharing with me some great things about adoption.  We have shifted from expecting a new-born to possibly a teenage girl who is close to aging out of the foster system. This will mean we need to go through some more training and have a completely new home-study.  We've been making adjustments and plans in the kid's room to create more space.  It's crazy to believe we're actually doing this.

 Last week, I listened to Sister Linda K. Burton's talk from this most recent women's conference a number of times. She spoke of refugees and every time she did all I could think of were these girls I've seen recently on Wednesday's Child.

These are my husband's thoughts concerning the matter - Gosh, I love this guy!

"I listened to Mervyn B. Arnold’s talk “The the Rescue: We Can Do It” from the April 2016 G.C.  As he shared his first principle of rescuing, “We Must Not Delay Going to the Rescue”, and as he shared the story of the officials who spent too much time ‘preparing’ and waiting for the opportune moment to rescue the boats at sea, the idea of adoption came to my mind.  We have talked about getting our house ready to receive another member.  I have spent time thinking about that.  I think the thinking time is past.  We just need to get to work.  I did spend some time considering how and where we would put another person and I think some very good ideas were developed.  Alicia liked them and so I don’t think we need to delay any longer.  We can also get the adoption people over from foster care for their initial visit and get that rolling as soon as possible.  I don’t think it’s a question of whether or not we are going to adopt at this point.  It is going to be the question of who.  So, I don’t think we need to take the former question to the Lord anymore.  I think we need to get into a position where we can pray about who.  Without delay!

            And then I just read this from the Howard W. Hunter manual: “All of us must finish our “preparations unto the children of men” [D&C 19:19]. Christ’s preparations were quite different from our own, but we all have preparations to make, doors to open. To make such important preparations often will require some pain, some unexpected changes in life’s path, and some submitting, “even as a child doth submit to his father” [Mosiah 3:19]”.  We must finish our preparations to that child of men that will join our family and we must have our doors open to do so, including the doors of our hearts.  It is going to require some adjustments, perhaps even some pain, and I pray that I may be possessed of charity for perfect love casteth out all fear.  I think the point is that we need to get on the stick and get licensed."

Focusing on the Divine

"For two weeks make a special effort to strengthen your relationship with a family member by showing love through your actions. Refrain from judging, criticizing, or speaking unkindly, and watch for positive qualities in that family member. Write notes of encouragement, pray for this family member, find ways to be helpful, and verbally express your love." 

I'm working on my Personal Progress for Young Women's and I absolutely LOVE this goal!  It's fittingly under the category of Divine Nature.

The thing I really love is how the very process of seeking out and acknowledging the positive (verbally or written)  is really just a resolve to focus on the divine. I think it's the essence of soulful gratitude.  This mental and emotional shift outside ourselves, this conscious effort to encourage and build others, especially those in our own family, will help us see them with the light of truth.  And the truth will set us free!

There are so many ways we can do this...  I love to think of the possibilities. When we sincerely choose to focus on the good in others, it will not matter what the response is because it's not a boomerang initiative, giving in order to get.  It's more like a "bulls-eye" initiative with genuine straight-arrow purpose and direction to aim at the center, the very heart of each other's infinite worth, giving purely to give.

To me, this is what Christ does for all of us.  He sets the example of what it means to lift, to build, to pray for, to encourage, and focus on the divine... regardless of how deserving we are and regardless of our response.  I revere Him for that!

I'll close this post with a really cool quote from the American athlete four-time gold medalist, Jesse Owens:

“Find the good. It’s all around you. Find it, showcase it and you’ll start believing in it.”

-Alicia :)

To take the sorrow out of death...

My blog friend, Ramona, lost her husband a couple of weeks ago on March 23rd.  He was only 58.

Today, April 15th, is Ramona's birthday.  How strange it must feel to have this day of birth "to celebrate" when half of your body and soul has been torn from you.

"To everything there is a season"... and this is a season of mourning for my friend.  I pray for her. I ache for her.

I'm reminded of President Nelson's words, "Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (D&C 42:45.)

Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."

We live over 2,000 miles apart and I wish with all my heart I could be closer so I could serve her and help her during this tremendously lonely and mournful time.

This song is for you, Ramona.

Held

-Alicia

"Believe in God"- Ponderize - Week 28

After connecting through blogs and Facebook for around nine years, I was finally able to meet my friend, Tony Diaz, in person!  He messaged me yesterday saying he was in Utah and wanted to know if he could come down for a visit.  We had him join our family for a lovely little dinner and FHE. During the lesson, we turned the time over to him to share his conversion story.  I never get tired of hearing it. This guy has incredible faith and courage.  It was wonderful!

We had some great discussions on how aware our Father in Heaven is of us and how anxious He is to answer our prayers.  We talked about the times in which we live and marveled at the glorious things we are witnessing in the Gospel throughout the world.  

The scripture that has been coming to my mind all day today is Mosiah 4:9.  I think it's a great one to ponder for the week.  There's a lot of things in life I simply don't understand... but I DO know with complete certainty that God is real, that He is powerful, that we can tap into His power and grace if we sincerely seek it.  I know without any doubt that He hears and answers every prayer, that He loves us deeply, and that we can't even begin to comprehend His plans for us.

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." - Mosiah 4:9

-Alicia :)

Timp, the Y, and the Angel Moroni

Early last September, I wrote a post about the perfect view from my apartment.  From the windows of my place, I can see three significant markers in my life all somehow tied together and playing out a story:  Mt. Timpanogos, The "Y" for BYU, and the Angel Moroni who stands atop our beautiful City Center Temple.

If you ever go to a Temple Open House, you might have the opportunity to see some gorgeous murals.  Many of our temples have them in the creation room.  Our new City Center Temple opened its doors in January of this year to give visitors a first-time view before it was dedicated in March.

I could spend all day staring at the brush strokes and color details on the walls.  What I wouldn't give to learn the technique of these master artists! It's awe-inspiring! Someday, when we own our home, I'd love to take a room and paint over every last inch of the walls and ceiling, creating my own mural.

This past week, I went to do a session at our new Temple and found myself lost in the artwork surrounding me.  Then, I noticed something I hadn't before.  (Anyone can interpret it how they want.  In fact, most people won't find any meaning in it at all... but I saw it... and for me, it was personal.)

 In the back of the creation room in this House of the Lord, crowned with the Angel Moroni, there was painted within the mural Mt. Timpanogos and a cougar (which is BYU's mascot).  I smiled when I put them together.  There they were... that lovely little trilogy pattern of significant markers in my life reoccurring all in one place: Timp, the "Y", and the Angel Moroni. Once again, from where I stood, it was the perfect view!

-Alicia

Solid Ground

There's this new Christian song I discovered a couple of weeks ago.  Kaylee has heard me play it on a few occasions and now wants to listen to it all the time.  I don't know how much she pays attention to the lyrics but I'm sure the beat is irresistible for her.  Somehow, I hope the words to the song are making an impression too.

I just feel like she's growing up in a world that's plagued with a rampant identity crisis. We're a social media society... No need to be hired by Hollywood anymore, now we can make ourselves the center of attention with the click of a button.  (Don't get me wrong, receiving a little attention isn't bad but I think we need to strictly guard our intent behind it.)  It's so easy to get lost in the endless competition to be one step ahead of the next person, to compare and measure our worth based on the reactions or non-reaction of others.  It's so volatile!! If we aren't careful, we can quickly be sucked into an insatiable hunger for praise and popularity, a lifestyle of endless consumption... and to what end?

I'll admit that I'm not immune to it. I lose sense of my identity too. I've never understood all the hype about manicures, fashionable purses, or matching shoes.... but truth be told, my weak point is make-up.  I've become so dependent on it that I just don't feel beautiful without it.  But whose definition of beauty am I going off of?  It's certainly not God's.

 According to the world's definition, Jesus Christ was not attractive.  Isaiah 53:2 says:
"For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him."

Clearly, the opinion of mainstream's societal vogue is void of authenticity.

The T.A. for my lab class shared this comic strip with us today and it kind-of fits in the context of this post. It just shows how much our identity is horribly tangled up with consumerism.

In Elder Hallstrom's talk from April's 2016's General Conference, he stresses the importance of having a solid understanding of our true identity. "It's foundational" he says... and  he asks the question for today's troubled world, "Who do we lean on for repose?" Do we lean on social acceptance, peer approval, or popular vote?  The constant shifting fads and trends have no capacity to give us a steady footing of who we really are.

When I lose focus of who I truly am and get caught up in the anxieties of modern media, when I'm  feeling discouraged for not measuring up to the latest and greatest,  I'm thankful for songs like this that play in my home.  I know I feel better for listening to these truths.  I hope my girls are listening too.

-Alicia

"Can't Be Moved"
by, Jeremy Camp

I can’t lean on the earthly things
‘Cause it’s broke and gonna fade
And I can’t stand on the dirt below
‘Cause this dust gonna blow away
You say, hey now, follow Me, gonna go to the promise land
You say, hey child, don’t forget that the Lord is coming back

When everything in this world is falling
We have a Kingdom that can’t be moved
People get ready Heaven is a calling
We have a Kingdom that can’t be, that can’t be moved

When the waters rise, don’t be surprised
When the force tries to pull you in
We’ll be found on the solid ground
Won’t be no slave to sin

You say, hey now, trumpet sound, all the saints gonna board the train
You say, hey child, don’t you fear, what’s dead’s gonna rise again

Truth be told, silver and gold ain’t where my treasure’s found
So when I die, gonna open my eyes with a different kind of crown

The War From Within

Of all the enemies the Nephites fought as they strove to protect their people and land, there is one enemy that proved to be the most tremendous threat of all.... themselves.  The greatest damage to the Nephite community was not the result of physical battles fought outside their fortresses with clashing swords.  No, it was much more internal, the problem was within their own government and in their own church.

"There began to be serious contention concerning who should have the judgment-seat... because of so much contention and so much difficulty in the government, that they had not kept sufficient guards in the land" - Helaman 1:2 & 18  

"a little pride..in the church, which did cause some little dissensions" turned into "much contention and many dissensions."  This "pride which began to enter into the church - not into the church of God, but into the hearts of the people who professed to belong to the church of God" and resulted in "persecution of their brethren". - Helaman 3:1,3,33,34

The most disheartening of the two is what happened within their own church.  Helaman 4:11 says, "This great loss of the Nephites, and the great slaughter which was among them, would not have happened had it not been for their wickedness and their abomination which was among them; yea and it was among those also who professed to belong to the church of God."  And in the next two verses, it says that because of their pride, they "withheld" giving or sharing, they made a "mock of that which was sacred, denied the spirit of prophecy and revelation," which led to all kinds of other sins.  "And because of this their great wickedness, and their boasting in their own strength, they were left in their own strength."

In my studies yesterday, I found some commentary that gave greater insight into how people within the church could fall so far.

"This attitude of the people is perhaps the most frightening aspect of this terrifying book of Helaman. We read of a people who were so caught up in the vain things of the world that they were blind and mostly unaffected by Nephi’s great call to repentance. It was not that the people did not have religion; it was that their religion was one of the facades of their respectable lifestyle. The deceit did not fool the prophets; they warned them of their ways. Nephi called down a great famine, while Samuel prophesied great signs and could not be killed. Both preached plainly with the power of God and with courage. Both were mostly rejected because the people hardened their hearts, preferring to believe instead the philosophies and excuses of men (Hel 16:15-23). The outcome of this blindness is well known to readers of the Book of Mormon. The Nephites continued in the same pattern of wickedness in spite of receiving great signs and having momentary periods of righteousness until all but the more righteous were destroyed at the Savior’s coming (3 Nephi 9:12-13)."- The Book of Mormon: Helaman Through 3 Nephi 8, According To Thy Word, ed. Monte S. Nyman & Charles D. Tate, Jr. Provo: Religious Studies Center, BYU, 1992(emphasis added)

The members of the church who rejected the prophets and refused to repent while continuing to preach from their own pulpits, basically set-up themselves in place of the "set-apart".  The word "repentance" haunted them because it flew in their face, broke the facade of their "respectable lifestyle" and revealed it for the self-centered pompish parade of vanity that it really was.

It's an interesting observation Elder W. Grant Bangerter observed, "I never found it necessary to break my standards, to remove my garments, or to apologize for being a Latter-day Saint... I can honestly say that no nonmember of the Church has ever tried to induce me to discard my standards. The only people I remember trying to coerce me to abandon my principles or who ridiculed me for my standards have been non-practicing members of the Church." - Elder W. Grant Bangerter (July 1982 - New Era)

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland asked, "When gospel principles get unpopular or unprofitable or very difficult to live, will we stand by them 'for the duration'? That is the question our experiences in Latter-day Saint life seem most determined to answer. What do we really believe, and how true to that are we really willing to live?" 

In a world like today, most likely the hardest standards of God to live by are; humility, gentleness, and meekness.  Yet, these are the qualities that are the most rewarding!

 In the scriptures, those with solid testimony did not let pride, hatred, or anger claim a stake in their hearts.  Rather, they "did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."- Helaman 3:35

I submit that the fastest way to "yield our hearts unto God" is through immediate repentance. The moment we recognize our own fault in a situation to say, "I'm sorry", to truly own that apology and the consequence that may follow instead of endeavoring to excuse ourselves and sweep it under the rug.

We also "yield our hearts unto God" by living by His way even if it means losing face or popularity, to not be fence-sitters but rather "Choose... this day whom we will serve" -Joshua 24:15

What are some other ways I can "yield my heart unto God" in these battles "from within"?

-Alicia